50 conserative songs, as written by the NRO, get yr knives out

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1. “Won’t Get Fooled Again,” by The Who.
The conservative movement is full of disillusioned revolutionaries; this could be their theme song, an oath that swears off naпve idealism once and for all. “There’s nothing in the streets / Looks any different to me / And the slogans are replaced, by-the-bye. . . . Meet the new boss / Same as the old boss.” The instantly recognizable synthesizer intro, Pete Townshend’s ringing guitar, Keith Moon’s pounding drums, and Roger Daltrey’s wailing vocals make this one of the most explosive rock anthems ever recorded — the best number by a big band, and a classic for conservatives.

2. “Taxman,” by The Beatles.
A George Harrison masterpiece with a famous guitar riff (which was actually played by Paul McCartney): “If you drive a car, I’ll tax the street / If you try to sit, I’ll tax your seat / If you get too cold, I’ll tax the heat / If you take a walk, I’ll tax your feet.” The song closes with a humorous jab at death taxes: “Now my advice for those who die / Declare the pennies on your eyes.”

3. “Sympathy for the Devil,” by The Rolling Stones.
Don’t be misled by the title; this song is The Screwtape Letters of rock. The devil is a tempter who leans hard on moral relativism — he will try to make you think that “every cop is a criminal / And all the sinners saints.” What’s more, he is the sinister inspiration for the cruelties of Bolshevism: “I stuck around St. Petersburg / When I saw it was a time for a change / Killed the czar and his ministers / Anastasia screamed in vain.”

4. “Sweet Home Alabama,” by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
A tribute to the region of America that liberals love to loathe, taking a shot at Neil Young’s Canadian arrogance along the way: “A Southern man don’t need him around anyhow.”

5. “Wouldn’t It Be Nice,” by The Beach Boys.
Pro-abstinence and pro-marriage: “Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true / Baby then there wouldn’t be a single thing we couldn’t do / We could be married / And then we’d be happy.”

6. “Gloria,” by U2.
Just because a rock song is about faith doesn’t mean that it’s conservative. But what about a rock song that’s about faith and whose chorus is in Latin? That’s beautifully reactionary: “Gloria / In te domine / Gloria / Exultate.”

7. “Revolution,” by The Beatles.
“You say you want a revolution / Well you know / We all want to change the world . . . Don’t you know you can count me out?” What’s more, Communism isn’t even cool: “If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao / You ain’t going to make it with anyone anyhow.” (Someone tell the Che Guevara crowd.)

8. “Bodies,” by The Sex Pistols.
Violent and vulgar, but also a searing anti-abortion anthem by the quintessential punk band: “It’s not an animal / It’s an abortion.”

9. “Don’t Tread on Me,” by Metallica.
A head-banging tribute to the doctrine of peace through strength, written in response to the first Gulf War: “So be it / Threaten no more / To secure peace is to prepare for war.”

10. “20th Century Man,” by The Kinks.
“You keep all your smart modern writers / Give me William Shakespeare / You keep all your smart modern painters / I’ll take Rembrandt, Titian, da Vinci, and Gainsborough. . . . I was born in a welfare state / Ruled by bureaucracy / Controlled by civil servants / And people dressed in grey / Got no privacy got no liberty / ’Cause the 20th-century people / Took it all away from me.”

11. “The Trees,” by Rush.
Before there was Rush Limbaugh, there was Rush, a Canadian band whose lyrics are often libertarian. What happens in a forest when equal rights become equal outcomes? “The trees are all kept equal / By hatchet, axe, and saw.”

12. “Neighborhood Bully,” by Bob Dylan.
A pro-Israel song released in 1983, two years after the bombing of Iraq’s nuclear reactor, this ironic number could be a theme song for the Bush Doctrine: “He destroyed a bomb factory, nobody was glad / The bombs were meant for him / He was supposed to feel bad / He’s the neighborhood bully.”

13. “My City Was Gone,” by The Pretenders.
Virtually every conservative knows the bass line, which supplies the theme music for Limbaugh’s radio show. But the lyrics also display a Jane Jacobs sensibility against central planning and a conservative’s dissatisfaction with rapid change: “I went back to Ohio / But my pretty countryside / Had been paved down the middle / By a government that had no pride.”

14. “Right Here, Right Now,” by Jesus Jones.
The words are vague, but they’re also about the fall of Communism and the end of the Cold War: “I was alive and I waited for this. . . . Watching the world wake up from history.”

15. “I Fought the Law,” by The Crickets.
The original law-and-order classic, made famous in 1965 by The Bobby Fuller Four and covered by just about everyone since then.

16. “Get Over It,” by The Eagles.
Against the culture of grievance: “The big, bad world doesn’t owe you a thing.” There’s also this nice line: “I’d like to find your inner child and kick its little ass.”

17. “Stay Together for the Kids,” by Blink 182.
A eulogy for family values by an alt-rock band whose members were raised in a generation without enough of them: “So here’s your holiday / Hope you enjoy it this time / You gave it all away. . . . It’s not right.”

18. “Cult of Personality,” by Living Colour.
A hard-rocking critique of state power, whacking Mussolini, Stalin, and even JFK: “I exploit you, still you love me / I tell you one and one makes three / I’m the cult of personality.”

19. “Kicks,” by Paul Revere and the Raiders.
An anti-drug song that is also anti-utopian: “Well, you think you’re gonna find yourself a little piece of paradise / But it ain’t happened yet, so girl you better think twice.”

20. “Rock the Casbah,” by The Clash.
After 9/11, American radio stations were urged not to play this 1982 song, one of the biggest hits by a seminal punk band, because it was seen as too provocative. Meanwhile, British Forces Broadcasting Service (the radio station for British troops serving in Iraq) has said that this is one of its most requested tunes.

21. “Heroes,” by David Bowie.
A Cold War love song about a man and a woman divided by the Berlin Wall. No moral equivalence here: “I can remember / Standing / By the wall / And the guns / Shot above our heads / And we kissed / As though nothing could fall / And the shame / Was on the other side / Oh we can beat them / For ever and ever.”

22. “Red Barchetta,” by Rush.
In a time of “the Motor Law,” presumably legislated by green extremists, the singer describes family reunion and the thrill of driving a fast car — an act that is his “weekly crime.”

23. “Brick,” by Ben Folds Five.
Written from the perspective of a man who takes his young girlfriend to an abortion clinic, this song describes the emotional scars of “reproductive freedom”: “Now she’s feeling more alone / Than she ever has before. . . . As weeks went by / It showed that she was not fine.”

24. “Der Kommissar,” by After the Fire.
On the misery of East German life: “Don’t turn around, uh-oh / Der Kommissar’s in town, uh-oh / He’s got the power / And you’re so weak / And your frustration / Will not let you speak.” Also a hit song for Falco, who wrote it.

25. “The Battle of Evermore,” by Led Zeppelin.
The lyrics are straight out of Robert Plant’s Middle Earth period — there are lines about “ring wraiths” and “magic runes” — but for a song released in 1971, it’s hard to miss the Cold War metaphor: “The tyrant’s face is red.”

26. “Capitalism,” by Oingo Boingo.
“There’s nothing wrong with Capitalism / There’s nothing wrong with free enterprise. . . . You’re just a middle class, socialist brat / From a suburban family and you never really had to work.”

27. “Obvious Song,” by Joe Jackson.
For property rights and economic development, and against liberal hypocrisy: “There was a man in the jungle / Trying to make ends meet / Found himself one day with an axe in his hand / When a voice said ‘Buddy can you spare that tree / We gotta save the world — starting with your land’ / It was a rock ’n’ roll millionaire from the USA / Doing three to the gallon in a big white car / And he sang and he sang ’til he polluted the air / And he blew a lot of smoke from a Cuban cigar.”

28. “Janie’s Got a Gun,” by Aerosmith.
How the right to bear arms can protect women from sexual predators: “What did her daddy do? / It’s Janie’s last I.O.U. / She had to take him down easy / And put a bullet in his brain / She said ’cause nobody believes me / The man was such a sleaze / He ain’t never gonna be the same.”

29. “Rime of the Ancient Mariner,” by Iron Maiden.
A heavy-metal classic inspired by a literary classic. How many other rock songs quote directly from Samuel Taylor Coleridge?

30. “You Can’t Be Too Strong,” by Graham Parker.
Although it’s not explicitly pro-life, this tune describes the horror of abortion with bracing honesty: “Did they tear it out with talons of steel, and give you a shot so that you wouldn’t feel?”

31. “Small Town,” by John Mellencamp.
A Burkean rocker: “No, I cannot forget where it is that I come from / I cannot forget the people who love me.”

32. “Keep Your Hands to Yourself,” by The Georgia Satellites.
An outstanding vocal performance, with lyrics that affirm old-time sexual mores: “She said no huggy, no kissy until I get a wedding vow.”

33. “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” by The Rolling Stones.
You can “[go] down to the demonstration” and vent your frustration, but you must understand that there’s no such thing as a perfect society — there are merely decent and free ones.

34. “Godzilla,” by Blue цyster Cult.
A 1977 classic about a big green monster — and more: “History shows again and again / How nature points up the folly of men.”

35. “Who’ll Stop the Rain,” by Creedence Clearwater Revival.
Written as an anti–Vietnam War song, this tune nevertheless is pessimistic about activism and takes a dim view of both Communism and liberalism: “Five-year plans and new deals, wrapped in golden chains . . .”

36. “Government Cheese,” by The Rainmakers.
A protest song against the welfare state by a Kansas City band that deserved more success than it got. The first line: “Give a man a free house and he’ll bust out the windows.”

37. “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down,” by The Band.
Despite its sins, the American South always has been about more than racism — this song captures its pride and tradition.

38. “I Can’t Drive 55,” by Sammy Hagar.
A rocker’s objection to the nanny state. (See also Hagar’s pro-America song “VOA.”)

39. “Property Line,” by The Marshall Tucker Band.
The secret to happiness, according to these southern-rock heavyweights, is life, liberty, and property: “Well my idea of a good time / Is walkin’ my property line / And knowin’ the mud on my boots is mine.”

40. “Wake Up Little Susie,” by The Everly Brothers.
A smash hit in 1957, back when high-school social pressures were rather different from what they have become: “We fell asleep, our goose is cooked, our reputation is shot.”

41. “The Icicle Melts,” by The Cranberries.
A pro-life tune sung by Irish warbler Dolores O’Riordan: “I don’t know what’s happening to people today / When a child, he was taken away . . . ’Cause nine months is too long.”

42. “Everybody’s a Victim,” by The Proclaimers.
Best known for their smash hit “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles),” this Scottish band also recorded a catchy song about the problem of suspending moral judgment: “It doesn’t matter what I do / You have to say it’s all right . . . Everybody’s a victim / We’re becoming like the USA.”

43. “Wonderful,” by Everclear.
A child’s take on divorce: “I don’t wanna hear you say / That I will understand someday / No, no, no, no / I don’t wanna hear you say / You both have grown in a different way / No, no, no, no / I don’t wanna meet your friends / And I don’t wanna start over again / I just want my life to be the same / Just like it used to be.”

44. “Two Sisters,” by The Kinks.
Why the “drudgery of being wed” is more rewarding than bohemian life.

45. “Taxman, Mr. Thief,” by Cheap Trick.
An anti-tax protest song: “You work hard, you went hungry / Now the taxman is out to get you. . . . He hates you, he loves money.”

46. “Wind of Change,” by The Scorpions.
A German hard-rock group’s optimistic power ballad about the end of the Cold War and national reunification: “The world is closing in / Did you ever think / That we could be so close, like brothers / The future’s in the air / I can feel it everywhere / Blowing with the wind of change.”

47. “One,” by Creed. Against racial preferences: “Society blind by color / Why hold down one to raise another / Discrimination now on both sides / Seeds of hate blossom further.”

48. “Why Don’t You Get a Job,” by The Offspring.
The lyrics aren’t exactly Shakespearean, but they’re refreshingly blunt and they capture a motive force behind welfare reform.

49. “Abortion,” by Kid Rock.
A plaintive song sung by a man who confronts his unborn child’s abortion: “I know your brothers and your sister and your mother too / Man I wish you could see them too.”

50. “Stand By Your Man,” by Tammy Wynette.
Hillary trashed it — isn’t that enough? If you’re worried that Wynette’s original is too country, then check out the cover version by Motцrhead.

anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 03:11 (nineteen years ago)

I have never been as bored as you are.

Shoes say, yeah, no hands clap your good bra. (goodbra), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 03:13 (nineteen years ago)

Some twisted logic for some of these--what about "Age of Consent" as an anti-Sex Ed song ("You're not the kind that needs to tell me/About the birds and the bees")?

Where's Nick Cannon?

And why "Rock the Casbah" and not "Straight to Hell" which is way more racist and (I think) a better song to boot?

But good look on "Taxman," I guess.

max (maxreax), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 03:18 (nineteen years ago)

funny, the NDP (social democrat) was blasting 'Won't Get Fooled Again' through the whole winter election. Not sure what exactly makes it 'conservative'.

for that matter, there's no half-way defensible definition of 'conservative' that's being applied here. i know it is a waste of time to go through this, but Neil had been very ingrained in American culture when 'Southern Man' came out, libertarian /= conservative, re. Rush, "Obvious Song" also contains the lines 'So we starve all the teachers/And recruit more Marines/How come we don't even know what that means"; I don't know if Joe Jackson's ever coherently expressed his politics, but i don't take that song as conservative at all. etc. etc.

what is NRO? national review online? I'm not american, but I always understood it as a prominent conservative magazine. This seems ludicrously shallow. i can only assume that it is tongue-in-cheek?

derrick (derrick), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 06:57 (nineteen years ago)

I am roffling at the idea that quoting S-T Coleridge is conservative.

jng (jng), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 07:05 (nineteen years ago)

29. “Rime of the Ancient Mariner,” by Iron Maiden.
A heavy-metal classic inspired by a literary classic. How many other rock songs quote directly from Samuel Taylor Coleridge?

Coleridge is hardly a famous conservative! X-post!

Robin Goad (rgoad), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 07:05 (nineteen years ago)

can someone tell me if NRO takes itself seriously?

i mean, pastoral nostalgia = conservativism??? and wtf on Coleridge?

derrick (derrick), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 07:22 (nineteen years ago)

A similar thread:

Conservative Top 40

Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 07:43 (nineteen years ago)

A pro-life tune sung by Irish warbler Dolores O’Riordan: “I don’t know what’s happening to people today / When a child, he was taken away . . . ’Cause nine months is too long.”

I thought this was about some child that got the killed... Here's rest of the lyrics:

When
When will the icicle melt,
And when
When will the picture show end
I should not have read the paper today
Cause a child, child he was taken away

Theres a place for the baby that died
And theres a time for the mother who cried
And she will hold him in her arms sometime
Cause nine months is too long

How could you hurt a child
Now does this make you satisfied
I dont know whats
Happening to people today
When a child, he was taken away

Theres a place for the baby that died
Theres a time for the mother that cried
And she will hold him in
Her arms sometime
Cause nine months is too long

Theres a place for the baby that died
And theres a time for the mother who cried
And you will hold him in
Yours arms sometime
Cause nine months is too long

I thought the line about nine months being too long referred to the mother's pain, when her child was killed after she carried it for nine months. Anyway, the lyrics are so vague that it takes a stretch to read them as anti-abortion.

Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 07:57 (nineteen years ago)

“You’re just a middle class, socialist brat / From a suburban family and you never really had to work.”

Yeah? Well, you're Danny Elfman, for God's sake.

Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 08:50 (nineteen years ago)

This is amusing, with a couple of obvious clunkers. "Who'll Stop the Rain?" "Red Barcetta?" "Godzilla?" Don't know about those. And it's fishy how every anti-Communist statement is read as a conservative statement. But at least they didn't list "Meet the G That Killed Me" (though you know they wish they could have).

Josh in Chicago (Josh in Chicago), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 12:36 (nineteen years ago)

I am roffling at the idea that quoting S-T Coleridge is conservative.
Coleridge is hardly a famous conservative! X-post!
and wtf on Coleridge?

Coleridge is pretty well-known for becoming quite a conservative later in his life.

max (maxreax), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 12:40 (nineteen years ago)

i think the misanthropy and disgust with the human body overrides any of the anti-abortion sentiment in "Bodies"

latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 12:41 (nineteen years ago)

Sorta like when Reagan used "Born in the USA" as a theme song ... take anything out of context and slap your own worldview on it and viola its meaning is changed!

My favorite example of this is the use of "Time Has Come" by the Chambers Brothers in corporate advertising. Listen to the whole song and it's a crushing tale of alienation by a society that no longer cares, leading to a cry for revolution. But sliced to bits it cheerfully sells cars and retirement products. The irony still slays me.

zaxxon25 (zaxxon25), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 12:41 (nineteen years ago)

51. "Rise Above" by Black Flag

A stirring solidarity statement for conservatives in the face of liberal tyranny, the lyrics say it all:

We are tired of your abuse
Try to stop us its no use

latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 12:48 (nineteen years ago)

52. "Where there's no virtue, how can there be sin"

etc.

mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 12:50 (nineteen years ago)

The list is more clever than I'd expected, if only because it co-opts any anti-government sentiment or lack of idealism as "conservative." I mean, exactly how is "a Jane Jacobs sensibility" conservative?

Martin Van Buren (Martin Van Buren), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 12:50 (nineteen years ago)

52. "Straight Edge" by Minor Threat

While punk rock is often associated with rowdiness, self-destructive behavior, and hedonism, Minor Threat wrote this immortal paean to sobriety which also serves as a damning indictment of liberal permissiveness.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 12:53 (nineteen years ago)

Ha, now I can't help but hear a "big band" version of "Won't Get Fooled Again." (TS: Naive idealism vs. naive kneejerk anti-idealism)

Martin Van Buren (Martin Van Buren), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 12:53 (nineteen years ago)

52. "Straight Edge" by Minor Threat

"Guilty of Being White" is also a pretty lame "reverse racism" cry from guys who I'd have thought were a little smarter.

max (maxreax), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 12:59 (nineteen years ago)

oh fuck i shouldve done that one!

latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 12:59 (nineteen years ago)

latebloomer,
i dont think that you can discount that its not hating people that centers bodies, its hating women, and well thats something that the pro choice movement has in common with lots of the punk scene

anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 13:00 (nineteen years ago)

haha yeah actually i was going to addend, "actually, maybe that makes it the perfect conservative anthem!" but i was x-posted and moved on

latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 13:02 (nineteen years ago)

38. “I Can’t Drive 55,” by Sammy Hagar.
A rocker’s objection to the nanny state. (See also Hagar’s pro-America song “VOA.”)

ROFFLE

latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 13:02 (nineteen years ago)

"I Can't Drive 55" is Exhibit 32 in Hagar's trial for cuntdom, though.

I Hate You Little Girls (noodle vague), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 13:07 (nineteen years ago)

totally. but at least it inspired the name for Double Nickels On The Dime!

latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 13:10 (nineteen years ago)

This is true.

I Hate You Little Girls (noodle vague), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 13:11 (nineteen years ago)

53. "The Power of Independent Trucking" by Big Black.

This triumphant capitalist anthem from noted small-business proponent Steve Albini acknowledges the importance of the entrepeneurial spirit, proudly proclaiming that "The backbone of this country is the independent truck".

bernard snow (sixteen sergeants), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 13:27 (nineteen years ago)


what is NRO? national review online? I'm not american, but I always understood it as a prominent conservative magazine. This seems ludicrously shallow. i can only assume that it is tongue-in-cheek?

-- derrick (briochesqu...) (webmail), May 24th, 2006. (derrick)

Derrick, meet American conservativism. American conservativism, Derrick.

like murderinging (modestmickey), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 13:36 (nineteen years ago)

54. Beach Boys "Don't Talk (Put Your Head on My Shoulder)"

This is masterpiece of male domination and female submissiveness stuffed inside a perfect pop gem. Its politics are so conservative that most people pretend they aren't there. We like to imagine that a sequel would be called "Get To Work (On Those Dishes In the Sink)".

TRG (TRG), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 13:47 (nineteen years ago)

What's interesting here? There are a lot of basically conservative songs, even without including Toby Keith, etc., especially if you conflate libertarianism, Christianity, working-class suspicion of limousine liberals, nostalgia, and willingness to take moral stands as "conservative". Some of these are stretches, but most are being heard the way they were intended. The Sex Pistols did not meet most people's definition of "conservative", but "Bodies" IS an anti-abortion song. U2, Creed -- Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Ted Nugent -- you could pick just about anything.

Some more right-wing faves from back in the day:

Merle Haggard -- Okie From Muskogee and Fightin' Side Of Me
Barry Sandler -- Ballad Of The Green Berets
Bob Dylan -- the entire effing Christian period, which includes "Neighborhood Bully"
Phil Ochs -- Love Me, I'm A Liberal

Vornado, Wednesday, 24 May 2006 14:05 (nineteen years ago)

What's interesting here?

You're not familiar with the basic premise of ILM list-threads, I see.

I Hate You Little Girls (noodle vague), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 14:08 (nineteen years ago)

"Guilty of Being White" is also a pretty lame "reverse racism" cry from guys who I'd have thought were a little smarter.

sadly, that ain't even the worst of it. ian mackaye said this in 1983:

"I think the best way we're going to have to deal with it is that if I am able to say 'nigger' without everyone gasping, and if I'm able to say that word, because I don't have any problems with that word. I say 'bitch', and that means a girl asshole. I might say 'jock', which means an athletic asshole. But you say 'nigger', which means black asshole, everyone flies off the handle. That's where the racism thing is kind of fucked. That's where the whole thing gets out of hand. I think it'd be great if people could come down from that."

the whole interview is here:
http://homepages.nyu.edu/~cch223/usa/info/mrr_rapsession.html

Lawrence the Looter (Lawrence the Looter), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 14:17 (nineteen years ago)

Boy this one really stretches it:

The lyrics are straight out of Robert Plant’s Middle Earth period — there are lines about “ring wraiths” and “magic runes” — but for a song released in 1971, it’s hard to miss the Cold War metaphor: “The tyrant’s face is red.”

If that's a Cold War metaphor, then the Lemon Song is about citrus import tarrifs squeezing the independent lemon farmer. Or maybe those early-70s critics were picking up on crypto-Birchism that subsequent rockers have failed to parse.

But really, this aritcle is a classic bit of American conservative rhetoric: take a generic and ambiguous good (skepticism of power) and co-opt it as proof of natural law.

bendy (bendy), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 14:19 (nineteen years ago)

Ian McKaye: Guilty of being a sanctimonious & ignorant asshole.

max (maxreax), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 14:39 (nineteen years ago)

55. PAPA DON'T FUCKING PREACH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!

Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 16:25 (nineteen years ago)

“One,” by Creed. Against racial preferences: “Society blind by color / Why hold down one to raise another / Discrimination now on both sides / Seeds of hate blossom further.”

I prefer the Ricky Gervais "spaceman" song from the Office Xmas special. This whole list is a good nutshell take on the head-in-the-sand drivel that passes for conservative opinion these days. Co-opt anything that sounds good.

Phil Ochs -- Love Me, I'm A Liberal

I don't think this would qualify as a conservative song, since its mockery of liberals comes from a far-left vantage point.

erklie (erklie), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 16:54 (nineteen years ago)

I'm surprised "I'd Love to Change the World" by Ten Years After didn't make the list...

Everywhere is freaks and hairies
Dykes and fairies, tell me where is sanity
Tax the rich, feed the poor
Till there are no rich no more

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 17:02 (nineteen years ago)

Free For All, Nugent's anti-protectionism anthem? Cat Scratch Fever, where he skillfully rebukes PETA? Roadrunner, where Richman argues for radio deregulation? Paranoid, which chronicals the dangers of drugs? I Saw an Xray of a Girl Passing Gas, about the need for deregulation in medical privacy areas?

js (honestengine), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 17:03 (nineteen years ago)

John Fucking Mellencamp is on this? WTF?

Harrison Barr (Petar), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 17:29 (nineteen years ago)

OK, the "X-Ray of a Girl" joke wins. Lock thread.

Jason Toon (Jason Toon), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 17:35 (nineteen years ago)

56: "No One is to Blame," by Howard Jones.

Narrowly edged out by the Eurythmics' "Sexcrime" as the theme song for 1984, this epic ballad longs for a perfect world of totalitarian emotional and political conservativism.

http://www.newspeakdictionary.com/1984-movie-2plus2_a.jpg

Chris Ott (Chris Ott), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 18:04 (nineteen years ago)

24. “Der Kommissar,” by After the Fire.
On the misery of East German life: “Don’t turn around, uh-oh / Der Kommissar’s in town, uh-oh / He’s got the power / And you’re so weak / And your frustration / Will not let you speak.” Also a hit song for Falco, who wrote it.

umm, this song has absolutely nothing to do w/ east germany or communism. it's about some young adults (presumably austrian) who are drug addicts -- "der Kommissar" is (arguably) a drug pusher, not an east german communist official.

Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 18:09 (nineteen years ago)

Co-opt anything that sounds good.

i would agree -- but you say this in relation to a song by CREED (which does NOT sound good)!

Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 18:10 (nineteen years ago)

they also cleaned up cougar's syntax. it's "from where it is that i come from," which is both hilarious in a 'tonight i'm gonna rock you tonight' way and also kind of a touching down-home construction.

gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 18:14 (nineteen years ago)

Cougar's mangled grammar vividly illustrates the diabolical power of the teachers' unions to undermine American education. VOUCHERS NOW!

Jason Toon (Jason Toon), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 19:41 (nineteen years ago)

Good joke thread, would read again. A+++++

The Notorious ESTEBAN BUTTEZ (ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!!), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 20:16 (nineteen years ago)

She was a girl from birmingham
She just had an abortion
She was a case of insanity
Her name was pauline she lived in a tree
She was a no one who killed her baby
She sent her letters from the country
She was an animal she was a bloody disgrase

Body Im not an animal
Body Im not an animal

Dragged on a table in factory
Illegitimate place to be
In a packet in a lavatory
Die little baby screaming fucking bloody mess
Its not an animal its an abortion

Body Im not animal
Mummy Im not an abortion

Throbbing squirm, gurgling bloody mess
Im not an discharge, Im not a loss in
Protein, Im not a throbbing squirm

Fuck this and fuck that fuck it all and
Fuck the fucking brat
She dont wanna baby that looks like that
I dont wanna baby that looks like that
Body Im not an animal
Body Im not an abortion

Body Im not an animal
An animal
Im not an animal...
Im not an abortion...

Mummy! ugh!

latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 22:00 (nineteen years ago)

bodies is such an amazing song.

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 22:28 (nineteen years ago)

Blink 182, eh? How 'bout that "Fuck a Dog"?

Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Wednesday, 24 May 2006 22:30 (nineteen years ago)

Haha, the NRO isn't hip enough to have watched Office Space.

Eppy (Eppy), Thursday, 25 May 2006 20:33 (nineteen years ago)

Which is really saying something.

Eppy (Eppy), Thursday, 25 May 2006 20:34 (nineteen years ago)

Every song lyric ever describing any kind of heterosexuality to thread. :)

Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Thursday, 25 May 2006 22:14 (nineteen years ago)

Btw. You forgot about R.E.M.'s "Radio Free Europe".

Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Thursday, 25 May 2006 22:14 (nineteen years ago)

"The Lady In Red" by Chris De Burgh. A tribute to the good old-fashioned marriage.

Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Thursday, 25 May 2006 22:25 (nineteen years ago)

I am the stranger/ killing an Arab

milo z (mlp), Thursday, 25 May 2006 22:31 (nineteen years ago)

Silent Scream by Slayer

latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 25 May 2006 23:00 (nineteen years ago)

One thing I like about Two Sisters is that it takes on this subject matter, which is so not-rocknroll, it's more like country music. But just like the best country music, just because it takes on the practical subject of how to live one's life doesn't make it automatically "conservative"
But Ray Davies' subsequent three divorces make him a perfect role model alongside Limbaugh, Gingrich, and the rest.

Mike Dixn (Mike Dixon), Friday, 26 May 2006 17:57 (nineteen years ago)

and has anyone mentioned that "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" is about opium addiction?

Mike Dixn (Mike Dixon), Friday, 26 May 2006 17:58 (nineteen years ago)

There are so many great conservative rock songs that I've made my own list of 50 more:
http://jonswift.blogspot.com/2006/05/50-more-conservative-rock-songs.html

Jon Swift, Saturday, 27 May 2006 15:01 (nineteen years ago)

When I was a huge Metallica fan in my early teens, I convinced myself that the lyrics of 'Don't Tread On Me' were ironic - I couldn't face the fact that my heros might in fact be quite stupid and reactionary.

chap who would dare to be a nerd, not a geek (chap), Saturday, 27 May 2006 15:16 (nineteen years ago)

71) Frankie Goes to Hollywood: "Relax"
A pro-abstinence song, that tells you "don't do it", if you "want to go to it" - i.e. no sex before marriage.

72-73) "In the Navy" and "YMCA" by Village People
A pro-armed forces and a pro-Christian song from this group that represents the spectrum wholesome American manliness, from police officers to construction workers.

Tuomas (Tuomas), Saturday, 27 May 2006 15:50 (nineteen years ago)

71) The followed those two with "Go West", a song that was of course devoted to the wonderfulness of the Western world, and which looks down upon the East and its communism and islamism.

Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Saturday, 27 May 2006 15:56 (nineteen years ago)

75) Followed by "Macho Man", and ode to world where men are real men instead of sissy femboys.

Tuomas (Tuomas), Saturday, 27 May 2006 16:09 (nineteen years ago)

That was hilarious, Jon.


1. Guns N Roses
"One in a Million"
Axl Rose's "Anti-Immigrant Song."

And yeah, I wondered about "Godzilla" too.

Sundar (sundar), Saturday, 27 May 2006 16:53 (nineteen years ago)

"Beautifully reactionary" WTF

Also: "declare the pennies on your eyes" is not about the fucking "death tax." It's about HEY THE TAX MAN HE IS GREEDY AND WILL TAKE (FOR TEH GUBMINT) THE PENNIES TRADITIONALLY PLACED ON THE EYES OF THE DEAD OMG. It's not about the bullshit anti-estate tax thing the American right is currently so infatuated with, seeing as how it was written about another country's tax laws over forty years ago. Does Britain even have an estate tax?

telephone thing, Saturday, 27 May 2006 19:04 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, and "nature points out the folly of man" is if anything a "liberal" lyric, seeing as how the dominant American conservative movement is anti-Kyoto, anti-EPA, etc. and convinced that global warming is a scam...

telephone thing, Saturday, 27 May 2006 19:05 (nineteen years ago)

Britain has death duties which i assume are like estate tax?

I always hated Taxman - it put me right of the Beatles band. Did any of them suffer at all from paying 90% (actually I think it was 95%) tax on SOME of their income? No. Whinging gits.

Ned T.Rifle (nedtrifle), Saturday, 27 May 2006 22:14 (nineteen years ago)

50 more songs!

see the Modern Lovers, Extreme, Mike + the Mechanics, and YELLOWCARD on the same list! See no mention of the PRMC going after albums containing songs like Prince's "Little Red Corvette", which is on the list!

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 8 June 2006 21:45 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.nationalreview.com/images/page_2002_miller.gif

“Alive,” by P.O.D.
An expression of Christian faith by a super-hip band.
[...]
“Aces High,” by Iron Maiden.
A tribute to the martial valor of the fighter pilots who saved Britain in 1940. On a tour in the 1980s, Iron Maiden opened concerts with a snippet from Churchill’s “Never Surrender” speech and then launched into this rocker. (My own tribute to the everlasting greatness of Iron Maiden may be read here.)

and YOU TOO can read that tribute here!

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 8 June 2006 21:53 (nineteen years ago)

oh yeah, i missed this one the first time thru:

“Holiday in Cambodia,” by The Dead Kennedys.

The greatest anti-Pol Pot song in the history of rock: “Well you’ll work harder / With a gun in your back / For a bowl of rice a day / Slave for soldiers / Till you starve / Then your head is skewered on a stake.”

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 8 June 2006 21:54 (nineteen years ago)

Silent Scream by Slayer

-- latebloomer (posercore24...), May 26th, 2006.

“Silent Scream,” by Slayer. Slayer - South of Heaven - Silent Scream;
Could this be the world’s only pro-life death-metal song? “Bury the unwanted child / Beaten and torn / Sacrifice the unborn / Shattered, adolescent / Bearer of no name / Restrained, insane games / Suffer the children condemned.”

latebloomer's potater chip of the proletariat (latebloomer), Thursday, 8 June 2006 22:05 (nineteen years ago)

Hmmm...50 left-wing country songs?

Ned T.Rifle (nedtrifle), Thursday, 8 June 2006 22:36 (nineteen years ago)

The second song is one of Iron Maiden's most familiar: "Two Minutes to Midnight." It's an anti-nuke tune whose politics aren't exactly to my liking. Although the lyrics admit that "blood is freedom's stain," they also suggest that during the Cold War, both sides were deluded. The title is a reference to the Doomsday Clock, whose main purpose is to serve as a propaganda tool of the Left. None of this means that the boys in Iron Maiden are Commie symps — they aren't — but a piece of me always has wished this song had been about Dunkirk or something. Still, the hooks are catchy and the lyrics are such that I enjoyed deciphering their meaning when I was 14 years old.

ell. oh. ell.

bernard snow (sixteen sergeants), Thursday, 8 June 2006 22:41 (nineteen years ago)

xpost - (to myself) - is Woody Guthrie country in any way? Then I;d have 50 songs right there probably...

Ned T.Rifle (nedtrifle), Thursday, 8 June 2006 22:45 (nineteen years ago)

“Miss Gradenko,” by The Police. ; buy CD on Amazon.com
Forbidden love in the Kremlin: “Don’t tell the director I said so / But are you safe Miss Gradenko? / We were at a policy meeting / They were planning new ways of cheating / I didn’t want to rock your boat / But you sent this dangerous note / You’ve been letting your feelings show / Are you safe Miss Gradenko?”

OMGWTFLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 8 June 2006 23:16 (nineteen years ago)

then again, stewart copeland's dad was a spook during the cold war -- so maybe stewart (who wrote the damn thing) is a chip off the old block.

and where's king missile's "jesus was way cool"?!? that song is only slightly more goofy than some of the rationales stated for claiming some of these songs as "conservative."

Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 8 June 2006 23:18 (nineteen years ago)

Do contemporary conservatives remind anybody else of lazy English majors with just enough theory under their belts to completely drive any rational person batshit?

Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Friday, 9 June 2006 01:09 (nineteen years ago)

National Review in 1977: punk as Tory uprising
http://blogs.citypages.com/ctg/2006/06/annals_of_conse.asp

Yeah, James Brown was a big miss...

Pete Scholtes (Pete Scholtes), Friday, 9 June 2006 22:49 (nineteen years ago)

54 Leftist Country Songs

(i have the notes, but im holding onto it, in order to maybe sell it as an article, cross posted to both country and poptimist, eccentric to a fault, lacking proper work on latino/a and African American artists)

1. DIVORICE Tammy Wynette
2. Down From Dover Dolly Parton
3. Wasteland of the Free Iris Dement
4. Christ For President Woody Gutherie
5. Fancy Bobby Gentry
6. Cowboys Are Secretly, Frequently Fond of Each Other Willie Nelsons Cover
7. Red Rag Top Tim McGraw
8. John Walker Blues Steve Earle
9. I Shall be Released Bob Dylan
10. In the Ghetto Elvis
11. Your Good Girl is Gonna Go Bad Tammy Wynette
12. The Ghosts of American Astronauts The Mekons
13. The Ballad of Ira Hayes Johnny Cash
14. San Quentin Johnny Cash
15. Detroit City Jerry Lee Lewis
16. Puttin’ People on the Moon The Drive By Truckers
17. Take this Job and Shove It Johnny Paycheck
18. Another Day, Another Dollar Wynn Stewart
19. Little Pink Mac Kay Adams
20. Travelin’ Solider Dixie Chicks
21. The Little Lady Preacher Tom T Hall
22. I Love This Bar Toby Keith
23. Jimmie Brown the Newsman Skeeter Davis
24. The Obscenity Prayer Rodney Cowell
25. Countrier Then Thou Robbie Fulks
26. Oil in the Fields Paul Duncan
27. Freedom is a Stranger Scott Miller
28. Love Train Big and Rich
29. Wal Mart Parking Lot Chris Cagle
30. Playboys of the Southwestern World Blake Shelton
31. Iowa Dar Williams
32. Whiskey or God Dale Watson
33. Drugs or Jesus Tim McGraw
34. Small Town Labouring Man George Jones
35. 30 Days in the Hole Gvnt Mule
36. I’m A Long Gone Daddy Hank Williams
37. Born Again in Dixieland Jason McCoy
38. Your Flag… John Prine
39. Big Boned Girl kd lang
40. 6 O Clock News Kathleen Edwards
41. Leaves and Kings Josh Ritter
42. It Wasn’t God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels Kitty Wells
43. The Eagle and the Bear Kris Kristofferson
44. Rapid City, South Dakota Kinky Friedman
45. No Depression in Heaven Carter Family
46. Independence Day Martina McBride
47. We Shall be Free
48. Smoking Weed With Willie Toby Keith
49. Look at Miss Ohio Gillian Welch
50. American Dreams Lucinda Williams
51. Missippi Cotton Picking Delta Town Charlie Pride
52. Down on The Rio Grande Jimmy Rodegueiz
53. Another Man Done Gone Oddetta
54. The Bourgeois Blues Ledbetter

anthony easton (anthony), Sunday, 11 June 2006 08:41 (nineteen years ago)

Do contemporary conservatives remind anybody else of lazy English majors with just enough theory under their belts to completely drive any rational person batshit?

otm otm otm 1-up

GOD PUNCH TO HAWKWIND (yournullfame), Sunday, 11 June 2006 09:01 (nineteen years ago)

There's also the rather particular "Fuck Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church" by Portland DBT-type band I Can Like Any SOB In the House

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Sunday, 11 June 2006 16:43 (nineteen years ago)

i would also add 2 merle haggard songs to the lefty/liberal country song list -- "go home" and "irma jackson," both of which are about interracial love (and both of which came out during the late 60s, to boot). not to mention that in "i am a lonesome fugitive," the character is a sympathetic criminal fugitive.

Eisbär (llamasfur), Sunday, 11 June 2006 17:39 (nineteen years ago)

correction: I Can Lick Any SOB In the House

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Sunday, 11 June 2006 18:18 (nineteen years ago)

ICLASITH is one of Portland's worst bands.

Jack Cole (jackcole), Sunday, 11 June 2006 19:36 (nineteen years ago)

two weeks pass...
Heh, Colbert did a bit about this list tonight.

Marmot 4-Tay: forth-coming, my child. forth-coming most righteous champion (mar, Wednesday, 28 June 2006 04:36 (nineteen years ago)

ICLASITH is one of Portland's worst bands.

after going thru several dozen applicants for the summer indie fest, this is _seriously_ not true

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 28 June 2006 05:41 (nineteen years ago)

Then tell us who the worst one is for the record, and direct us to their mp3s for internet mockage purposes.

Marmot 4-Tay: forth-coming, my child. forth-coming most righteous champion (mar, Wednesday, 28 June 2006 05:52 (nineteen years ago)

Those Prussian Blue lyrics are actually from Rudyard Kipling's poem "The Stranger". Nazis love Kipling, apparently.
I'd never heard PB before. The production is bad and the girls sound bored.

Marmot 4-Tay: forth-coming, my child. forth-coming most righteous champion (mar, Wednesday, 28 June 2006 11:11 (nineteen years ago)

Prussian Blue featured on Louis Theroux's Weird Weekends and also in his recent book. If you're a Nazi AND a paedophile, they're your new favourite band.

iain macdonald (the_article_don), Wednesday, 28 June 2006 12:41 (nineteen years ago)

the reptilian writer of the list was on the equally reptilian Joe Scarborough show. How come this booshit has re-emerged now a month after it appeared?

veronica moser (veronica moser), Wednesday, 28 June 2006 12:50 (nineteen years ago)

John Cale - "Graham Greene"

"According to the latest score
Mr. Enoch Powell is falling star
So in future please bear in mind
Don't see clear don't see far"

¡Vamos a matar, Dadaismus! (Dada), Wednesday, 28 June 2006 12:53 (nineteen years ago)

... tho I imagine not too many people in the US knew who Enoch Powell was

¡Vamos a matar, Dadaismus! (Dada), Wednesday, 28 June 2006 12:54 (nineteen years ago)

(We) tiresome Monty Python fanatics are certainly familiar with his name, at the very least.

Monty Von Byonga (Monty Von Byonga), Thursday, 29 June 2006 00:36 (nineteen years ago)

four months pass...
http://www.wpr.org/book/061105a.html

This idiot was on npr today, again pushing the stupid list. The fact that he *continues* this silliness is amazing; it's like he's addicted to holding himself out for ridicule!

J (Jay), Sunday, 5 November 2006 16:01 (eighteen years ago)

two years pass...

if there were a cheesy liberal equivalent to this list what would be on it? "Fortunate Son"?

∑(∂u∂e) (Curt1s Stephens), Friday, 17 July 2009 06:35 (sixteen years ago)

Almost every rock song ever?

Mordy, Friday, 17 July 2009 06:52 (sixteen years ago)

Including half the songs on the NRO list?

Mordy, Friday, 17 July 2009 06:53 (sixteen years ago)

how do conservatives manage to reconcile their law and order bullshit and seeing themselves as valiant outlaws sticking it to the man? Or is it because their law and order bullshit only applies to non-whites?
both -- that's why "gangsta, gangsta" isn't on their list (even though it's ABOUT THE SAME THING as "i fought the law")!

― Eisbär

See, I don't think that "valiant outlaws sticking it to the man" is at all intended. The key point is that the law won.

Myonga Vön Bontee, Saturday, 18 July 2009 11:24 (sixteen years ago)

Imagine - John Lennon

kornrulez6969, Saturday, 18 July 2009 14:57 (sixteen years ago)


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