Stealth Masturbation

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

In another thread- the one on girls having sex- I posted a definition of sex as having an orgasm in the same room as someone else. Which got me to thinking, masturbation in the same room as other people, c/d? Is it restricted to frat boys and Big Brother residents? Is there a strong contingent at movies? Does anyone have any tales to tell?

Also: techniques and hints, so that more people can indulge in the pastime. Does anyone have advice?

― Menelaus Darcy (Menelaus Darcy), Saturday, 20 March 2004 05:41 (twenty-one years ago)

as i told you yesterday, mene, i have done it. i'm kind of a frat boy. haven't done it since i was in my mid teens though.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Saturday, 20 March 2004 06:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't remember a specific instance, but i'm pretty sure I've done it. I don't know how the hell I made it through the first two years of college, sharing a dorm room. I know I never did it while he was sleeping, must have just waited til he was gone and I knew he wouldn't be returning for awhile.

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 20 March 2004 07:04 (twenty-one years ago)

What about someone else wanking you off in a crowded sixth form common room?

― Charles Dexter (Holey), Saturday, 20 March 2004 08:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Oi! Stay out of my Busted fan fiction files!

― The River Kate (kate), Saturday, 20 March 2004 10:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Pee wee herman is the king

― Menelaus Darcy (Menelaus Darcy), Saturday, 20 March 2004 13:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I tend to assume women are always doing this.

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 20 March 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Charles, just because your students tell you they'll do "anything" to pass maths doesn't give you the right to take advantage!

― antexit (antexit), Saturday, 20 March 2004 15:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Do frat boys really jo in the same room? The ones I've run into have been pretty uptight.

― Skottie, Saturday, 20 March 2004 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

probably they are too busy drinking their own vomit to masturbate, but I have a skewed idea othe frat boy since the only experience I have had of them is watching revenge of the nerds

― Menelaus Darcy (Menelaus Darcy), Saturday, 20 March 2004 16:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Women do this on buses all the time, I have heard tell. All you need are deep pockets, a old diesel engine with lotsa hot vibration and the ability to keep quiet at orgasm.

all the time = I've known 2 people who've fessed to it

― Dave B (daveb), Saturday, 20 March 2004 16:16 (twenty-one years ago)

The Dunedin Public transport system would be perfect then, all the buses are absolutely crap, old and rattly. Incidentally, do you think the reason laundromats have driers etc affixed to the wall is prevent any unseemly misdemeanours?

― Menelaus Darcy (Menelaus Darcy), Saturday, 20 March 2004 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

But if you like a little bloodshed and violence, my local bus route would be perfect, the drivers are notorious for hitting tourists and cyclists. A perfect backdrop for your orgasm really

― Menelaus Darcy (Menelaus Darcy), Sunday, 21 March 2004 10:02 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread is amazing.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 21 March 2004 17:58 (twenty-one years ago)

How did we ever get by without Ms Darcy??

― Markelby (Mark C), Sunday, 21 March 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Patti Smith is the patron saint of stealth masturbators. Supposedly it was integral part of her show during the trenchcoat years.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 21 March 2004 18:29 (twenty-one years ago)

That kinds of explains everything. 'Horses' and...everything.

― ..., Sunday, 21 March 2004 18:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I did it once when I was 11. I think I was to young to even really come or anything. I was in the same room as another kid, but he was in a different bed. It was exciting to think he might hear me. Now, of course, this would be impossible, since my masturbation regimen involves extended caterwauling sequences and long strings of firecrackers.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 21 March 2004 19:08 (twenty-one years ago)

In my butt.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 21 March 2004 19:10 (twenty-one years ago)

This reminds me of a bloke at my university known to no one by his real name, but to millions as The Rutherford Wanker, so called because of his habit of masturbating in the public computer rooms at Rutherford college. Apparently a couple of people noticed him doing it, once, not even while looking at porn. Just sitting there, bold as brass, knocking one off under the table and then wiping it off on the tissue IN THE FULL KNOWLEDGE THAT PEOPLE WERE WATCHING.

Then he did it the next night. And the night after. And the week after that. It became a regular thing, people would actually go to see him wank after the bar had closed. People started to run a book on how long he'd hold out for on any given night. It was a spectator sport. Then one day a porter walked in and caught them all at it, possibly alerted by the loud drunken chants of "Wanker! Wanker! Wanker!" He was kicked out of the university on the spot.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 22 March 2004 12:04 (twenty-one years ago)

That seems a bit harsh.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 22 March 2004 23:51 (twenty-one years ago)

they shouldn't have been so hard-on him.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 22 March 2004 23:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Was he even given time to pull up his trousers?

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 23 March 2004 00:01 (twenty-one years ago)

the one time i did it, my cousin was in the same room and we were watching some crap teen movie. when the sex scene arrived, whammo!

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Tuesday, 23 March 2004 02:03 (twenty-one years ago)

You'd think they'd at very least warn him. (xp)

― Andrew (enneff), Tuesday, 23 March 2004 02:25 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v192/doglatin/ExhibitA.jpg

― dog latin (dog latin), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 13:19 (nineteen years ago)

riiiiiight

― electric sound of jim (and why not) (electricsound), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 13:28 (nineteen years ago)

don't ask me if it's real or not. i was sent it over email.

― dog latin (dog latin), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 13:32 (nineteen years ago)

at first i thought it was real until i got to the part about DNA testing.

― dog latin (dog latin), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 13:33 (nineteen years ago)

i guess it's easier for girls to masturbate in public because the hand movement is "stealthier" than the guys' and the orgasm doesn't leave a stain on your trousers like you've pissed yourself...
i don't think i've ever masturbate in public, actually. but i really like the idea of girls doing it in public transports...

― AleXTC (AleXTC), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 13:39 (nineteen years ago)

I've got a mate at Durham - it's not real. Sadly.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 13:41 (nineteen years ago)

So how would DNA testing by semen work, anyway? I've always been confused by that. Seeing as how any given sperm only contains half your genetic information, chosen at random. Isn't it possible that you and a close relative (father, son, brother) could produce genetically identical sperm, if it's the half of the DNA that you share to start with.

― I ate myself. I want a pie. (kate), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 13:57 (nineteen years ago)

i guess that could be possible, but probably only for siblings. if you're comparing two people from the same family but with different parents, the likelihood of genetic material from the relatives that they don't have in common being in the mix is just too great, no?

― .,,.k3.s--/, Wednesday, 1 March 2006 14:22 (nineteen years ago)

people who know science, please correct me, here.

― .,,.k3.s--/, Wednesday, 1 March 2006 14:23 (nineteen years ago)

i like how the grey-ed out bits on the letter (which i put on to protect the innocent) have produced a kind of optical illusion in that they look shaded, but they're not.

― dog latin (dog latin), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

You have 50% of your genetic material in common with your parents.

You could have anywhere from 0% to 100% of genetic material in common with your sibling, depending on the contribution of each parent.

This is simplifying things immensely, but imagine your mother has genes A and B. Your father has genes C and D. You could get either from either parent, ditto your sibling. So you could get AC and your sibling could get BD.

However, with your father, you will always have C in common. So if you shoot out sperm that have the C half of your genes, they will be indistinguishable from any sperm of your father that got the C half of your genes!

(OK, I suppose this is why they test multiple markers, rather than just one, but still.)

― I ate myself. I want a pie. (kate), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 14:30 (nineteen years ago)

There is usually crossing over along chromosome strands during meiosis, so by the time they get to you, they're not identical to your parents' chromosomes anymore.

― Oblivious Lad. (Oblivious Lad), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 14:51 (nineteen years ago)

Plus when they've been mixed with other fratboys', ...

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 14:53 (nineteen years ago)

Dude, when did you start posting here?

(And that is a very reasonable answer which makes sense.)

― I ate myself. I want a pie. (kate), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 14:54 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, I dunno, a while back. Just here and there, mostly on ILC.

― Oblivious Lad. (Oblivious Lad), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 14:58 (nineteen years ago)

he only comes out for the wanking threads.

― the kit! (g-kit), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 14:59 (nineteen years ago)

Well, still. Pleased to see you! Can't wait til April.

― I ate myself. I want a pie. (kate), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 14:59 (nineteen years ago)

wanking competition...?

― the kit! (g-kit), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 15:04 (nineteen years ago)

xpost: Neither can I! I'm excited to see the Shimuras, for one thing.

Off to find these other wanking threads I've heard so much about.

― Oblivious Lad. (Oblivious Lad), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 15:07 (nineteen years ago)

Where Are the Best Places in Your Town to Masturbate in Public

This one's still warm...

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 15:12 (nineteen years ago)

Cheers.

― Oblivious Lad. (Oblivious Lad), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 15:13 (nineteen years ago)

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2000/526/400/ceilingcat.jpg

― phil d. (Phil D.), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 15:59 (nineteen years ago)

WTF! hahahaha.

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 16:12 (nineteen years ago)

three years pass...

...and they never got locked before!

― Mad Props for Aeroplane (Masonic Boom), Sunday, 19 July 2009 12:34 (fifteen years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.