Your personal history of masturbation

?

Not the first time, won't be the last.

So I was at a sleepover with my friends Adam and Jon, spring break of 1990, and the conversation turned to girls, women, what it would be like to kiss them, be naked with them, etc. Adam kept going on about Dolly Parton, who he seemed to think was the pinnacle of womanhood because she was blonde and had big boobs. I didn't see what was so great about this, but I played along.

Anyway, at some point, we decided to compare dicks. Mine and Adam's were more or less the same size, but Jon's was quite big, hairier, and darker than the rest of his skin. It was sort of fascinating. Later on, I decided to take my pants off again, just because I liked how it felt kinda weird to sit there with them like that.

Now, I was sort of nervous about the whole thing, but just because I hadn't really stripped in front of anyone -- not because I felt uncomfortable about it being with GUYS, like "oh no, I'm gay" or whatever. I didn't have enough of a conception of homosexuality to be worried about that. And they certainly didn't make me feel weird about it, either. They probably felt more or less the same way. (And yet I'm also sure this event played a role in my bisexual development.)

But it was still probably the most intensely I had ever thought about "sex" to that point, and when we went to bed, and Adam and Jon had fallen asleep, I began sort of mindlessly playing with my penis. I wasn't really sure what I was doing -- I think maybe I was just rubbing it -- but the more I did it, the better it felt. And it felt like something was building up, so I kept at it, curious about this new sensation. And I guess, yeah, I did have an orgasm, although I was too young for anything to come out.

Over the next couple of years, I did the same thing, but not all that often. I remember hiding under my bed with the door closed a few times. I borrowed my parent's electric "muscle massager" a couple of times to experiment with. Right after turning 13, I ejaculated for the first time. I don't remember the circumstance at all, but for some weird reason I remember the date: March 31, 1992.

Anyway, those are the early years.

age 12-present, otherwise irrelevant.

Anyway, wet dreams! I think I've only had ONE in my life, and it was in my 20s! Is it possible that you don't have them if you masturbate frequently enough that your body isn't exactly itching for a release?

Ross: You know when you're playing with yourself?
Me: Yeah...
Ross: Have you ever kept going for ages?
Me: Erm, I suppose so, I don't know. Why?
Ross: If you carry on long enough, white stuff come out.
Me: Yeah, RIGHT.
Ross: No, really, it does. This sticky white gunk.
Me: Whatever. Piss off.
Ross: Fine, try it yourself if you don't believe me.

And so yeah, I went home that night, and tried it (in the bathroom, into the sink actually). And I remember being amazed and impressed that Ross was right. But more importantly, I figured something else out - I'd been starting to get really worried in the preceeding months, cos a few times I'd woken up with strange sort of scaliness on my tummy, which I'd started to think might be eczema or something. And suddenly that all made sense. And it stopped happening after that too.

Anyway, wet dreams! [...] Is it possible that you don't have them if you masturbate frequently enough that your body isn't exactly itching for a release?

Yep, basically. That's how it seems to go for me, anyway.

age 11ish: it occurred to me, oh how it occurred to me.

This seems to be a common tale among women of my acquaintance.

(I did get an anxiety orgasm earlier that year, though. The day it was due, I got so utterly panicked about my senior paper that I just started spooging my pants, totally unprompted.)

What she said. Seriously: anxiety orgasm?! WTF.

Just pointing it out.

At about ten years old I found a (very thick) (fiction) book called "Skyship" or something, which was about a zeppelin and business and money and deceit and gangsters and, crucially, sex. I remember one particular scene where a femme fatale type character turned up at the heros house wearing nothing but a fur coat. I read it under the covers and it excited me greatly. I liked it when I got an erection and it made my pyjama bottoms stand up like the Eiffel tower. I liked it even more when I bent my penis back and sort of jammed it against my leg, which was slightly uncomfortable, but only in the sense that it made me doubly aware that I had an erection, which was fantastic. I liked it even more when I took my pyjama bottoms off. I've slept naked ever since, pretty much.

From 11-13 there were occasional encounters with pornography and a few encounters with a girl in my class too (she joined the Navy, got engaged, left the Navy, left her fiance, came out as a lesbian) - we'd touch each other's bits under the table in Geography. I didn't have an orgasm, at least not with ejaculation, in this time.

Then lots of semi-masturbation, never to the point of climax, but lots of wet dreams until I was about 19 - often I would wake up just as I was about to orgasm, and that was fantastic. The dreams themselves I remember as being almost lucid. I was at university and living in halls before I first brought myself to ejaculation via masturbating.

When we were 16 and smoking lots of dope several of us (all male) would play a game called "nervous" where you would touch a friend on the ankle and slowly move your hand up their leg till they said "nervous", then you would stop and they woud do it to you. As you'd imagine, sometimes you wouldn't say nervous at all and neither would your partner for the game. It was, obviously, massively charged with adolescent homoeroticism.

Between 19 and 22 had sporadic sex at university and masturbated a lot, using many different techniques and recepticles (one time, on the way home from the pub, I felt horny walking up the cliff and had a wank in a bush). At 21 I had a couple of homosexual encounters with a friend of mine when drunk, which involved mutual masturbation and oral sex. Those couple of instances still inform many of my wank fantasies, actually.

22-now, I'm in a steady relationship with pretty regular (though sometimes erratic, as I imagine is common) sex. At some points in the relationship I have masturbated a lot (several times a day), at others barely at all for months at a time. I often look at (free, legal) porn on the net when I masturbate these days, as I quite often find I don't have the energy / concentration / imagination for fantasising. I quite fancy reading some erotica, to take me back to the "Skyship" days (I imagine it would turn me on a lot, as that incident probably really shaped my burgeoning sexuality), but wouldn't know where to start.

I think that's about it.

Daddino's story is totally freaked, and I mean that in a good way.

this is projection or something, surely?

i spent a LOT of nights trying to recreate it. it seemed almost random. i remember wondering if there was some kind of pill that would do it for me.

x-post maybe but yeah...I really wish I can just cream my jeans in lieu of ever getting an anxiety attack in the future...actually i haven't had one in a while, but still. but then i'd get anxious about my wet underwear...would this spawn a loop of multiple orgasms ? wow

Was told a good way to get aroused was to rub oneself on the edge of a door, I never did as it seemed ridiculous even to a 9 year old.

I'm not really at liberty to relate it.

It's not like we haven't had threads about masturbation before, on ILE.

Wow, someone is really really touchy about the subject of masturbation, huh?

it's a touchy subject

i did it by accident. well i was already touching myself before but i didnt know what i was doing or how to make the touching climax in anything. but one day i was watching some program about bras (lol) on the t, began touching myself and somehow stumbled on the grand art of masturbating while being petrified someone would walk in. was kinda shocked actually when i did ejaculate. after that ended, i think i tried to stop for a week cos i thought it prob wasnt a good thing to be doing but hormones being what they were, i gave up on that after a while. i think i was about 14?

Isn't this sort of thread the whole reason for the forum I Love Too Much Information?

Dude, we aren't your parents. "I did it by accident." Pfff

"God, this is itchy.... OH NOE!!!"

essentially:

way too often. . .
way too little. . .
just right.

90.

I'd like to think my post above is the most embarrassing thing I've ever written on the internet.

When we were 16 and smoking lots of dope several of us (all male) would play a game called "nervous" where you would touch a friend on the ankle and slowly move your hand up their leg till they said "nervous", then you would stop and they woud do it to you. As you'd imagine, sometimes you wouldn't say nervous at all and neither would your partner for the game. It was, obviously, massively charged with adolescent homoeroticism.

I had totally forgotten about this! Played a heterosexual version of this when I was 13, hoping to cop a feel for the first time, but it quickly became obvious that the girls would always call "nervous" once someone had moved their hand a few inches above her knee whereas the boys would never get nervous at all, but the girls would freak out and stop when they got too close so nothing ever happened for either gender. Unsurprisingly, never played that game again.

that sounds like the best happy hour game

I have no personal history with masturbation. lol Am I the only one? Probably not, but I do find it wrong. I hope my kids discover the joy (and DO NOT EVER TELL me about it).

hey, it's never too late to start!

When we were 16 and smoking lots of dope several of us (all male) would play a game called "nervous" where you would touch a friend on the ankle and slowly move your hand up their leg till they said "nervous", then you would stop and they woud do it to you. As you'd imagine, sometimes you wouldn't say nervous at all and neither would your partner for the game. It was, obviously, massively charged with adolescent homoeroticism.

would play this now tbh

the best variation is when you play this with friends who are unaware you're playing a game. you call them a fag when they don't brush your hand off their thigh. or you end up jerking them off. either way.

Probably not, but I do find it wrong.

O_O

That's sad.

is the OP a "logged out" fail

detox, personally

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qt1sjA2MFzM

Wait, that's not the song.

mine began at 8 or 9. rubbing against the bed. i don't believe seminal fluid was spilled. but a weird overwhelming sensation occurred.

this, except I was three or four.

jaymc remembering the exact date of his first orgasm is the most hilariously jaymc thing ever

We should have a party the next time that day rolls around.

damn. I tried to write out the teddy roosevelt story here earlier, but I guess my phone ate it.

Nathalie, you find masturbation wrong!? o_O

i read nath as saying she finds it wrong that she herself doesn't masturbate?

i think she was saying it lightly

The fantasy always starts the same way. I'm Mr Reynolds, an educator in a drama class at Hunter College, and I'm getting two students to do a roleplay about dating. One of them, Laura, is a blind student with an afro that almost matches my own. As she plays the role of "Amanda", I surreptitiously study her curves.

I'm not touching myself at this point. In fact, I start singing softly as I pace around the classroom, enjoying moments of private detachment and inwardness which seem to come more and more frequently these days.

Ever since I first saw Laura, in fact. As Alain de Botton once said: "There are people so unusual looking, you feel intelligent for finding them attractive." You could expand that and say: "There are people so visually handicapped, you feel humanitarian for finding them attractive."

This is where the fantasy gets a bit embarrassing, because I start to become less and less clear about whether the song I'm singing softly to myself about kissing Laura's soft lips is private, or whether the other people around me can hear it. Are the other people even real? Could I do anything I wanted, drop to my knees and masturbate right here in the hallway?

But I'm not touching myself. I'm walking through the corridors of the institution in which I work, stalking Laura as she heads for the clay modelling studio, singing all the while. Then we're out on the terrace, it's lunchtime, and I'm about to move in really close to study the sunshine on Laura's hair. But her friends surround her and I pretend to be doing something less creepy. Inwardly I'm a scalding cauldron of emotions. But I'm not touching myself.

Now I'm studying Laura in a leotard in the gym. Or is it just a fantasy? Because we're back in the roleplay class. And then suddenly I seem to see Laura in bed, dressed in white pyjamas, reading a book in braille. I'm not touching myself, but I phone her up and for quite a while I say nothing. But then - and I'm not sure whether I'm really doing this or not - I burst into song: "Hello, is it me you're looking for?"

My not-touching-myself is interrupted by a student who tells me I need to check out what's going on in the sculpture class. Laura is there, working on what looks like a big fungoid blob. She spins it around and it's a bust of my head, made entirely from surreptitious touches Laura must've made all over my facial area while I was sleeping, or fantasizing.

"This is how I see you."

"Oh, it's wonderful," I lie.

In fact it's crude and stupid. It looks more like a fuzzy-haired Charles Bronson than me. But Laura will never see it, just as she'll never see me. There's no point in trampling on her dreams. Especially as she's now pawing at my face.

Is it me she's "looking" for? Is this reality, or just my fantasy? Is Laura really blind? And if so, what's to stop me touching myself?

i read nath as saying she finds it wrong that she herself doesn't masturbate?

^

My kindergarten teacher sent a note home about how I constantly had my had down the front of my pants
This was incredibly humiliating but also became an in-joke among my immediate family which strikes me ultimately as being more fucked up

Sorry if I am sounding like an excerpt from "Kathy Acker Babies"

I don't just have a history of it; I have a prehistory. Honestly, I don't remember a time when erotic pleasure, under the covers, wasn't a part of my life.

Don't know if it's related, but my first crush was in kindergarten.

I wonder if this thread should be moved to the safely de-indexed pastures of iltmi? Anyways, I am in the process of writing my abridged personal history of jerking off for publication here, so anyways...

I'd appreciate a thread move, aye.

A sufficiently masturbatory post:

NB: I've never been sexually active, so masturbation is all I've got. Also, I grew up in a very secular, liberal environment, never had "the talk," and never experienced anything promoting repression or shame. I've never felt real external pressure in this respect either. To be sure I can remember thinking about sex and sexuality before I even knew what those things were.

Ca. 10 y/o: Discovered hot tub jets; didn't realize this constituted masturbation, thinking that just meant slapping your dick around aimlessly (lol).

11 y/o: Accidentally figured out (while watching racy nc17 movies on late night tv, of course) that by putting my penis between my middle and index fingers and rubbing it I could achieve the same effect as hot tub jets (still not aware this = jerking off; I remember thinking of it as this thing that's sort of like sex but obviously not. I also distinguished it from it's aquatic precedent as "land sex" (not sex) vs. water sex" (not sex). Lol). Racy movies every friday night continued for some years, and soon I figured out the standard open fist technique. I could produce semen at 11, too.

12-15 y/o: Enjoyment of jerking off + total lack of any self awareness about the virtues of moderation here meant I was jerking off on average 4 or so times daily... sometimes less, sometimes more (access to internet porn from 13 on didn't help). While I'd been very casual about all this, by 14 I realized it wasn't usual and put myself on a 3 day limit (excepting weekends of course!). The (two) times I went 5 days sans onanism it was kind of a big deal, Lol.

15 y/o: Weird teenage angst + Weird worldviews accompanying the development/discovery of unprecedented feelings of romantic love + a pre-given asceitic personality = cutting down from like 20-35 times a week to once a week, without fail, for 5 months. Afterwards I got over my teenage angst, but cut down on jerking off even more, going without it for like 3 weeks at a time. Also, two months before this phase started I stopped looking at porn overnight. (NB: when you stop taking matters into your own hands your body begins to do it for you, by which I am referring to what O-town called "liquid dreams," but also, like, semen coming out when you piss, etc. In any case, things much less convenient or pleasurable than masturbating).

16 - 20 y/o: By this time OCD was starting to convince me jerking off was bad luck (lol), which eventually manifest into a kind of shame. This enabled me to go from December 2004 to February 2006 without jerking off once (!!!). After Feb 06 I was unable to keep that consistency but would still go for as long as I could, usually lasting 2-3 weeks, and not less than 4 days, for the first year (my record was 5 weeks, lol). At 18 I Inadvertently found myself casually looking at porn again, for years with much guilt. Only by 20 or so did I finally reach a comfortable routine of jerking off a few or more times a week. While it has fluctuated much in both directions, it's been fairly smooth sailing since, though I did feel like it was getting excessive around a year and a half ago, but starting meds that tamed my libido helped regulate that, thankfully.

semen coming out when you piss? really? part of me is curious enough to try to restrain myself now but not really.

and i don't think 3/4 a day at the peak of teenage years is abnormally excessive? i mean, more than average maybe but anecdotally seems within normal range.

Well, that was on average, it was not uncommon to go over 6 as was routine on werkends.

I also forgot one of the most important/curious details! After a few years I started using my left hand and have never gone back, such that I am more compotent with it now than I am with my dominant right hand. Truly sinister.

Xpost, it's no doubt my reaction to it was born of teenage naivite.

I can't remember the last time I went 24 hours without an orgasm. Start of new relationship killed masturbation for a month, but lately I've been having a go after work/before shower even when gf's coming over later.
When single 2-3/day was the norm.

Ditto. I sometimes purposefully try to hold off a couple days just for more intense whatever but usually if I'm only on one it's a busy day.

So, a researcher at work is looking for sperm samples from men under 45 to help with a project on environmental effects on male fertility. Should I donate? £5 Costa Coffee voucher in return for my hard-earned spunk.

cut out the middle man and ejaculate onto the Costa Coffee counter

Again?

look do you want the coffee or not

Not anymore, it's full of spaff.

(Serious note; don't really like coffee. Enjoy a good wank, though.)

Coffee w/ cream