I lOVE tHE AStROS!

The Astros stink because the players aren't performing. They don't drive in runners from third with less than two outs. The ENTIRE bullpen has blown leads. There are many reasons this team is failing and Garner is way down the list.

And put all posts concerning the Astros here:

Your 2006 Defending National League Champion Houston Rocket...errrAstros Thread

hey LaUrEl,

Qualls ain't so bad. Granted he's blown a few, but I'd take his career 1.19 WHIP (career low 1.12 this season!) over quite a few other 7/8 inning guys out there.

Lidge on the other hand, is just plain spooked. It looks like he may never get over his playoff destruction. May be a time for a demotion.... and this comes from one of his biggest supporters on this board, from when he was setting up Dotel a few years back.

WHAtEVER.
i THiNk itS A DAMN SHAME TO LEt All THOSE YOUNG PLAYERS SUFFER AFTER PLAYiNG A FlAWlESS GAME, tHEN HAVE it GO TO HEll AFtER GARNER PUtS iN SOME iDiOt.
itS SO FRUStRAtiNG tO ME.

i Still LOVE tHOSE GUYS.

I went to a bunch of Astros games earlier and they year and they looked really tough. Granted it was because of some serious statistical abberations like Everett and Ausmus hitting .300+ and Wandy Rodriguez not sucking.

BTW that short porch out in left in Minute Maid is some infuriating shit.

EVEREtt iS MY FAVORitE PlAYER.
HES tHE BESt SHORtStOP tHERE iS.

ARE YOU tALkiNG ABOUt tHE CRAWfORD BOXES?
AND YES THAT StUPiD Hill TOO. tHERES NO POiNt tO it.

LASt NiGHtS GAME AGAiNSt tHE PADRES WAS AlRiGHt. i WAS TERRiFiED WHEN liDGE StEPPED iN. SiNCE WE ONLY WON BY 1 POiNt. PEttittE iS AWESOME.

AND WAS lANCE BERkMAN PLAYiNG THE WHOlE GAME? i DiDNt tHiNk HE WAS PlAYiNG CUZ OF THE WHOLE GROiN iNJURY..

rEViVe LOL

damn you steve shasta

LoL

I lOVE tHE ROlliNG StONES.

The King of Houston Sports Anthems

Chris Farley homage?
Glass door gets better of Astros' Pence

Berkman in May (14 games):

.580/.644/1.140

57 TB

bERKMAN iN mAY (14 gAMES):

.580/.644/1.140

57 tB

^fixed

SaRg W/ tHE sAVe

WhErE is Brent O??? I miss that guy.

aLSo - hE's g0t 3 sB s0 fAr iN mAy t0o!1!

I lOVe OuR TiNy, ARrTiSaNaL, BaSEbALl bOaRd. <3

StUPiD LiDGE!

this is an epochal post, miscapitalizations and all

srsly, surely they're the most phantom of prospering teams right now?

Pujols still getting my All-Star vote over Berkman.

madness.

Hate hate hate.

http://media.bigoo.ws/content/glitter/text_miscellaneous/text_10.gif

oh morbsiespaws.

http://bestmessageboardever.com/uploads/monthly_05_2008/post-15-1210955554.jpg

Lance Berkman is my favorite player on an opposing club. He is a dude.

Is it just me or does Berkman and race car driver Tony Stewart look like brothers? Maybe it is the lack of shaving thing.

Lance Fucking Berkman laid down a bunt today.

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/sports/bb/5810892.html

"That's a good play," Cooper said of Berkman's decision to bunt with the third baseman playing him deep. "That's a baseball player's play. It's a nice job. We need baserunners. If you hit a ball out of a ballpark, I call them rally-killers when you get down like that. We need to keep a rally going, and that was a nice play to me."

Enjoy 4th place, Cecil!

As a sophomore playing leftfield against TCU, Berkman found himself running in circles under a sky-high popup that was swirling in a brutal wind. He slid to make the catch but missed by a mile. Meanwhile, his right foot had gotten stuck under the outfield fence, which left him squirming to find the ball, which had rolled under a white plastic bag. He tossed the bag into the air and picked up the ball. But just then, the wind picked up, hanging the bag in the air like smoke. And ...

"I threw the ball right into the white plastic bag," Berkman says. "The ball, in the bag, died after about 30 feet. My foot is stuck in the fence, the hitter's getting an inside-the-park homer and my coach is running and yelling, 'You're the worst outfielder I've ever seen!'"

more: http://espn.go.com/magazine/vol5no12berkman.html

Jun 18 Bourn was back in the leadoff spot Tuesday for the first time since June 4, the Houston Chronicle reports.

Recommendation: Bourn went 2-for-5 and it appears he will remain in the leadoff hole for the foreseeable future. "[Bourn's] playing well and swinging well," manager Cecil Cooper said. "It's been that way for a few weeks now. He's starting to put a few at-bats together. When we were at our best, that's who was hitting leadoff. We'll try to go back to that."

the "supremacy" is hitting .238 w/a .290 obp and a .313 slg. but he is setting the table from the leadoff position, scoring 29 runs in 68 games. that's almost one run every two games!

Does Lance Berkman really have 12 steals?

Ya - I don't know what's gotten into him!

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3461058

HOUSTON -- Astros pitcher Shawn Chacon was suspended indefinitely by the team Wednesday for insubordination after reportedly grabbing general manager Ed Wade by the neck and throwing him to the ground.

“I sat down to eat and Ed Wade came to me and very sternly said, ‘You need to come with me to the office,”’ Chacon said. “I said, ‘For what?’ I said, ‘I don’t want to go to the office with you and Cooper.’ And I said, ‘You can tell me whatever you got to tell me right here.’ He’s like, ‘Oh, you want me to tell you right here?’ And I said, ‘Yeah.’ I’m not yelling. I’m calm.”

Chacon said things went downhill from there.

link

The Dude: Just take it easy man.
Walter: I'm perfectly calm dude.
The Dude: Yeah, waving the fucking gun around.
Walter: Calmer than you are.
The Dude: Just take it easy.
Walter: Calmer than you are.

?

Ed Wade or JP Ricciardi: Who is the biggest shithead?

Brandon Backe might've killed the Astros' playoff chances w/ today's 8-run inning. ;_;

Aw, then he hit his head on the dugout after striking out. :(

And after all Ed Wade did to make this team a contender. u_u

gotta love how scrappy darin erstad only grounded into a fielder's choice and not a double play like some base clogger would have

lol @ stros letting backe bat, anyway

how in gods name did these games end up in milwaukee?

I think by then the '62 Mets' record will be safe.

KISSIMMEE, Fla. — The Astros are “leaning heavily” toward new uniforms to accompany the club’s move to the American League in 2013, owner Jim Crane said Sunday.

I wonder if they're leaning towards garbage bags or just wearing paper bags with eye holes cut out of them instead of caps

SOLD!

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bgHGzPlAdwI/TaeWHdWJ9AI/AAAAAAAAANQ/4NoikxfUO3g/s1600/houston-astros.jpg

morbs what are your thoughts on the Ryan Express?

J.R. looks like a young Wesley Snipes in that photo.

thoughts about him when? He finally learned to pitch in his Houston days, after all the raw wild power.

well, not "finally".

Buster_ESPN Buster Olney

Good call by MLB in now allowing the pistol to be put back on the Colt .45 uniforms...

(retro uni controversy)

How many days in advance does Bodog have gambling lines? Tempted to copy the bet-$5-against strategy with the Astros, but I'm too lazy to log into Bodog every day.

I had the same idea.. Stole it from this dude who bet on the pirates to lose every game

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0Aq0v0bsD6EIDdEo5OUw2WFgwRHlMSFBRMklVNTE2c0E&hl=en#gid=0

does Bodog still exist? i thought everyone was arrested.

oh, I guess Bovada.fr is the thing now. Same setup.

DAMN that is a pathetic offense

Altuve 4-for-5.

Astros are kind of adorable, posting run expectancy numbers on the scoreboard:
http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/1097492/DSC_0094.JPG

whoa, that's gotta be a first?

0.00 RUNS EXPECTED
ASTROS HITTING

Since the break, the team from hOuSToN (a city so large that many of us consider the state's largest city to be Dallas) is 1-14 with a 12-game losing streak. They've scored more than four runs twice and have lost both times (13-8, 6-5).

they've won two of their last 27

Oh, that too.

tWO oF tHEIR lAST tWENTYsEVEN O_O

These knuckleheads played for one run -- to tie -- during the top of the 8th inning while facing Livan Hernandez. They got their one run, and then...

Francisco Cordero pitching for Houston
J Lucroy doubled to left.
X Cedeno relieved F Cordero.
N Morgan grounded into fielder's choice to third, J Lucroy to third.
C Izturis reached on infield single to first, J Lucroy scored, N Morgan to second.
C Ransom homered to left, N Morgan and C Izturis scored.

Also note that embattled newly-acquired closer Francisco Cordero came into the game during the 7th and promptly blew a lead.

Also strange how, during the 7th, Cordero looked like he was about to intentionally bean Carlos Gomez (who was on second base).

And at least the Astros didn't hit a rally-killing home run during that 8th inning. Amirite, Cecil Cooper?

Oh, man.

but for that mediocre summit in May, they could be historic.

http://mlb.sbnation.com/2012/8/2/3214144/houston-astros-2012-record-sad

10-44 on the road

During this slump, the Astros have hit just about exactly like a whole team of Andy LaRoche.

During this slump, Astros opponents have hit just about exactly like whole teams of Andre Ethier.

hahaha

Jeez, Gallaraga works slower than frozen molasses.

http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/1281243/astros.gif

via SBN:

If the Houston Astros lose Friday night, they will accomplish something that hasn’t been done since 1916: lose 35 times in 39 games.

The Philadelphia A’s, who did that, finished 36-117, a .235 winning percentage that’s the worst since 1900. For the Astros to beat that, they’d have to go 3-47. You never know…

Lucky me, I got to see one of this chöadgäng's few wins, vs the Braves last Saturday. ;_;

Almost forgot, I took notes on Braves organist shenanigans etc --
Altuve: pre-AB, "It's a Small World"; on his way to 1st after walking, the Muppet Show theme.
Justin Maxwell: Get Smart theme
Lucas Harrell: Star Wars theme
Chris Snyder: 60s Spider-Man tv show theme

Out-weirding them all was Dan Uggla's pre-AB music, Mickey & Sylvia's "Love Is Strange" laid over a rock beat. Is that song used as a sample in some current hit?

i dunno man -- you (understandably) trade away your entire team, then shit on the manager for losing? was it really necessary to fire the guy with six weeks left in the season? does not reek of class

1B and hitting coaches, too.

This team we've been shaking up all year needs a late-August shake-up -- before it's too late.

http://cjzero.com/gifs/AstrosDerp.gif

that's an infield hit and rbi for r.a. dickey

pretty nice throwing attempt by the pitcher, i guess

Dickey's not a fan of running on dirt.

08:17 AM ET 08.31 | The fuse is lit. Roger Clemens is moving closer to returning to the major leagues with the Astros. Astros general manager Jeff Luhnow told CBSSports.com's Jon Heyman that he plans to have a scout watch Clemens pitch [for independent Sugar Land] on Sept. 7. The strong speculation in baseball has been that if all goes reasonably well that night, Clemens will then pitch for the Astros five days later, on Sept. 12 against the Cubs. Clemens, who turned 50 on Aug. 4, last pitched in the big leagues in 2007 with the Yankees. He would be on this December's Hall of Fame ballot, but that eligibility will be delayed for another five years if he pitches for the Astros.

http://www.fannation.com/truth_and_rumors/view/335597

get the hot rub ready

I don't know why they're pretending to scout him to see if he's ready to pitch in the majors. Everyone knows it's a publicity stunt, why not be more honest about it? It's not like the Astros have anything else going for them right now.

If I was the Cubs manager and they tried to pull some kind of publicity stunt on my club, I would be bunting every other hitter and make Clemens out of practice butt have to try field them.

You can't even compare this to the Satchel Paige situation. Paige wasn't some cheating multi-millionare trying to reform his image and from what I always understood it was partially done so that Paige would be eligible for baseball pension.

wow

Jon Heyman ‏@JonHeymanCBS
#Astros have named @Kevin_Goldstein a pro scouting coordinator. heres what we said earlier.

well, there goes my fave podcast (at least while I was able to load it)

Good for him.

KG was gaga for Altuve long before i heard about him from anyone else, so maybe Houston will have a Munchkin infield before long.

lol hope so

I guess when KLaw turned them down they decided to go after his successor at BP.

jordan lyles joins the cg shutout & hit one out club

Calling it now: 2013 AL West champs

btw, season-capping series w/ Cubs was first with two teams playing with 100 or more losses apiece since '62 Mets and Cubs.