Why are "pocket pussies" considered so pathetic while dildos aren't?

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http://www.fleshlight.com/main/images/products/featured/smf_vagina.jpg

― Fleshlight for president, Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:29 (twenty years ago)

i did not start this thread.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:30 (twenty years ago)

FEED ME, SEYMOUR!

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:30 (twenty years ago)

I've always complained about this double-standard. But I stll have never bought or used a pocket pussy. Cause then I'd be a creepy loser!
I mean even more of one.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:30 (twenty years ago)

because men are caveman capable of getting pussy anywhere anytime haven't you heard? it's demeaning for men to seek sexual pleasure by other means.

(actually i think dildos are still considered similarly demeaning by many. also i don't imagine pocket pussies work very well. not that i've tried one.)

― amateur!!st, Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:31 (twenty years ago)

xpost

― amateur!!st, Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:31 (twenty years ago)

My all time favorite reaction to the fleshlight was Tep's when Kenan posted it: Kenan, what the hell did you do to your flashlight?

-- Tep (te...), August 5th, 2003.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:32 (twenty years ago)

Maybe because dildos/vibrators are commonly used by couples as well?

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:33 (twenty years ago)

I think the technology is still not all it could be. While with dildos/vibrators you have a sort of simple elegance and engineering perfection that just makes good horse sense. There is a certain "pathetic" quality to the travel-vagina that needs working on. Some brave genius who probably isn't even born yet will no doubt unlock the mystery with a key not yet forged in the fires of innovation.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:34 (twenty years ago)

Maybe because we don't want to in any way discourage women from being as sexual as possible?

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:34 (twenty years ago)

i think it has something to do with pocket pussies being percieved as degrading to women, where dildos are not seen as being degrading to men. Men can take that heat, is the assumption, I guess. Pocket pussies, on the other hand, are one icky step away from blow up dolls.

Also, it's very easy for men to masturbate, while women often require more eqipment, just because their stuff is so much more complicated. So a man using something other than his hand is taking an totally unnecessary step, while a woman using a dildo is just masturbating.

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:35 (twenty years ago)

Because sand can get in them?

― Nemo (JND), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:36 (twenty years ago)

The fleshlight isn't even the most demeaning male-sexual product. I think that goes to the vaginas modelled on a specific porn-star.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:36 (twenty years ago)

http://www.johnnyhorn.co.uk/prodimages/200/5543-01-BX.jpg

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:37 (twenty years ago)

how do you clean that thing?

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:37 (twenty years ago)

if your that hard up that you have to fuck a pocket pussy...you ain't ever getting the real thing.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:37 (twenty years ago)

Isn't it unlikely that the pocket pussy would outperform the tried and true well lubed fist?

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:37 (twenty years ago)

Because a woman using a dildo/vibrator is hot, and a guy using a "pocket pussy" is not.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:39 (twenty years ago)

does it have a volume on it? where do i put my cds? and the asshole on that thing is like a pin hole.

nick OTM

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:39 (twenty years ago)

That's so horrifying. I mean, it really is not just objectifying the woman, it's cutting her into pieces and *then* objectifying your favorite part.

Ick ick ick ick ick.

I'm going to form a feminist support group now.

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:39 (twenty years ago)

I think that I am disturbed that I don't remember the fleshlight despite apparently talking about it.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:41 (twenty years ago)

I think you've got to spend big bucks to get one with an anus for you and a buddy to practice DPing.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:42 (twenty years ago)

I'm going to buy a silicone breast implant, stick a gumdrop on it, and keep it in a drawer to squeeze whenever I feel like it.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:42 (twenty years ago)

throw a set of nostrils on the pussass and we are getting down to business.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:42 (twenty years ago)

What else have I blocked out?! EZ-Pee Golden Shower In A Can? Ronco's patented Look It's A Keychain No Wait It's a Rimjob?

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:42 (twenty years ago)

"Your ideas intrigue me."

http://www.showtimerotisserie.biz/showtime-rotisserie-images/nav-pic.jpg

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:45 (twenty years ago)

This one's for Nick -
http://www.69adulttoys.com/images/toys/T4001.jpg

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:45 (twenty years ago)

ronco's pocket pussy would have a side of mint jelly on it.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:46 (twenty years ago)

need i remind everyone about the nancy reagan pocket pussy idea? pure brilliance. perhaps it could come in a gift set with the "gipper dildo" and jelly bean shaped anal beads.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:53 (twenty years ago)

haha - the pornstar pussymolds probably are more disturbing but i think the beer can pocket pussies are more pathetic.

this is charming - http://www.mypleasure.com/store/assets/product_images/0543.jpg

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:54 (twenty years ago)

If by charming you mean nightmare inducing, I agree.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:55 (twenty years ago)

http://www.realdoll.com

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:55 (twenty years ago)

as seen in the big $ rich video

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:57 (twenty years ago)

And the movie Love Object.

They go well beyond disturbing or pathetic.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:58 (twenty years ago)

"Okay, we need to cut costs on this fuckable fake head."

"Yeah, no kidding, the shipping alone is cost-prohibitive. I mean, it's not a light head."

"Well, I'm thinking we carve off all the unnecessary parts, the parts without utility. You can't fuck the forehead or the cerebellum, you hear me?"

"Do I ever!"

"Okay, let's get started."

"Right, I'm going to just cut off everything above the mouth here."

"Absolutely, except the nose."

"Right, so here we -- wait, what?"

"Well, you can't get rid of the nose! That's the whole point!"

"How is that -- I mean, we're getting rid of all the non-usable parts, right, the parts not involved with --"

"Yeah, exactly! How can you get rid of the nose, you sexdunce?"

"I'm just -- look -- all right, you do the carving, okay? I'm going to just ... go over there ... I'm going to see if there's a cheaper brand of styrofoam we can use, that's what I'm going to do. ... nose-fucker."

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Nothing, Dad."

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:00 (twenty years ago)

what i love about realdoll is that it started out as something much much weirder, originally the hook was you could send in photos of your children and then get a lifesize realistic replica doll of them (what. the. fuck.). the catalogue had all these pictures of children ages 6-13 smiling these warped christian smiles standing next to their identically dressed realdoll. very very scary. moving from that to sex toys (though i'm pretty sure alot of the old models ended up sex toys too) is a huge step toward normalcy.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:03 (twenty years ago)

what would you do if you were a parent and you accidentally discover your son's flashlight was not a flashlight?

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:04 (twenty years ago)

There is nothing pathetic about a pocket pussy. I applaud men for indulging themselves in the world of sex toys.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:04 (twenty years ago)

How this thread has not been labelled NSFW yet is mystifying.

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:04 (twenty years ago)

But... SEXDUNCE!

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:05 (twenty years ago)

Too bad the rest of the world isn't as enlightened as Jeanne. Hell, too bad *I'm* not that lightened, cause I know if I found a fleshlight my friend's house I'd be calling him bulbfucker til the day he dies.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:06 (twenty years ago)

You can't fuck the forehead

But you can C on it! Big oversight there.

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:06 (twenty years ago)

This is a sleeve for a penis. You put lube in it, insert yourself, and have a good ol' time. And if you pop your head through to the other side, your lady can service it, thus the sensation of being deep-throated is achieved with no gagging!!

http://www.ilovexor.com/images/lg328201780.jpg

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:07 (twenty years ago)

You know there are some forehead fetishists out there with huge sticky posters of Tyra Banks.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:08 (twenty years ago)

and gorbachev!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:08 (twenty years ago)

Toys for Boys 101

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:08 (twenty years ago)

i'm curious about those fuckmachines dan savage (i think, maybe it was fleshbot?) wrote about a couple of weeks back

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:09 (twenty years ago)

no sex toy can top the Baby Jesus Butt Plug
http://www.second-skin.net/item_images/adult_toys/Devine%20Inspirations/jesus.jpg

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:09 (twenty years ago)

Does it transubstantiate?

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:10 (twenty years ago)

http://www.ilovexor.com/images/lg328201780.jpg

http://www.strangehorizons.com/2001/20010507/gallery/Sand_Worm.jpg

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:12 (twenty years ago)

I wish my mouth had a clitoris.

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:13 (twenty years ago)

I didn't really think before making that comment.

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:13 (twenty years ago)

I wish your clitoris had a mouth.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:13 (twenty years ago)

you mean yours [i]doesn't[/i]???

xpost

― stevie (stevie), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:14 (twenty years ago)

http://images.villagevoice.com/issues/0115/taormino.jpg

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:16 (twenty years ago)

Every time an image on this thread starts to load, I hide the tab, even though I'm home alone in my office.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:17 (twenty years ago)

God is watching you.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:18 (twenty years ago)

It's ironic. For as gung-ho men are about sex, they're sheepish when it comes to sex toys. Dudes, they give you teh orgasms!!

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:20 (twenty years ago)

We can get them just fine without them though!

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:21 (twenty years ago)

But we give ~~each other~~ ourselves teh orgasms! Several times a day!

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:23 (twenty years ago)

That's somewhat akin to refusing to stop and ask for directions.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:24 (twenty years ago)

It just seems totally unnecessary, and, in a way, totally demasculating - you're accessorizing masturbation. Why don't you just put a pretty bow around your scrotum while you're at it?

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:24 (twenty years ago)

And I'm typically all for demasculation, but it just doesn't work for masturbation if you're straight.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:24 (twenty years ago)

Mayyyyybe if the toy involved a Hemi in some way, guys would be more accepting of it.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:25 (twenty years ago)

OMG actually that bow-tied-around-scrotum idea doesn't sound bad at all. For real.

xpost hahahaha

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:26 (twenty years ago)

But toys a functional. A bow on your sack ain't.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:26 (twenty years ago)

THIS HURR POCKET PUSS GOTS TWO-HUNDRID FORTY HORSEPOWER YEEHAW!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:26 (twenty years ago)

TS: Fucking 240 horses vs. 240 HP pocket pussy

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:27 (twenty years ago)

OMG if they really want men to accept them they need to be built into a multifucntional, preferably gas-powered device, ie a pocket puss/chainsaw/belt-sander or something.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:28 (twenty years ago)

The new Coleman gas-grill/battery-powered artificial fuckhole/golf cart/long-range assault rifle.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:29 (twenty years ago)

"Dude, my leatherman/swiss army knife has more stuff on it than yours."

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:29 (twenty years ago)

Why the fuck am I always the only vocal female on threads like this?

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:32 (twenty years ago)

Just make a universal attachment for sanders, weedwackers (hoho!), powersaws, etc, so guys can get some auto-luvvin while doing manly chores!

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:32 (twenty years ago)

I saw a documentary about "cyber dildonics". It's just a word I wanted to use.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:35 (twenty years ago)

luna's a chick!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:36 (twenty years ago)

Jeanne's right - women shouldn't have all the fun here. Sex toys aren't just made because one guy hiding in his mother's basement in Omaha uses them - lots of men do. So yeah, you can get have an orgasm without them, but you could get to England in a rowboat, too. I just think the airplane would make a nice change sometimes.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:37 (twenty years ago)

The equivalent of those metal balls you put in your vagina for day-long pleasure, hmmm. I guess the penis is too sensitive for this to work as it'd work too well. You wouldn't ever be able to stand up, for a start.

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:37 (twenty years ago)

can get have? can have.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:37 (twenty years ago)

I think "dildonics" is my new favorite word evah.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:38 (twenty years ago)

but Luna, you're telling me if you found that blowjob head in a guy's closet you wouldn't laugh *your* head off?

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:38 (twenty years ago)

The exams for dildonics in school must be quite interesting.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:38 (twenty years ago)

I still think that finding a novel place to put your penis is unnecessary. If men want to experiment with sex toys, they should swallow some of that weird male pride and start putting things in their butts. Butts are great.

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:39 (twenty years ago)

I think a weird male would have no problem with putting things in his butt.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:40 (twenty years ago)

Now I just implied that all gay men are weird. D'oh.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:40 (twenty years ago)

i thought those metal balls (ben wa balls, yes?) were for tightening exercises, like kegels, not all day pleasure. am i wrong? has the sex toy industry failed to inform me?

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:41 (twenty years ago)

i think part of it is also that money spent on pocket pussies could be spent on porn instead. obv alot of guys DO buy pocket pussies, give me 1% of a taste of that market and i'm never working again, but alot of guys figure, or i figure at least, the money could be more wisely spent elsewhere.

i'd wager more straight men buy butt plugs than buy pocket pussies.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:41 (twenty years ago)

'Swallow my weird male pride' sounds like a snippet of dialogue from a fetishist porno.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:42 (twenty years ago)

Now I just implied that all gay men are weird. D'oh.

Gay men have already discovered the joys of butt. Straight men have this whole other world of fun they could add to their repertiore if they only weren't afraid to feel "gay" or something.

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:43 (twenty years ago)

That has nothing to do with anything, oops. Firstly, I try not to root around in guy's closets - too many weird experiences. Secondly, why do I care if someone has sex toys? I wouldn't expect someone to laugh at my dildo collection. I admit that the fleshlight would cause me to giggle, but not because of it's function, more because it would make me think of Tep and then I'd think of 'well hel-LO Officer Build A Pussy' and, well, Tep is funny motherfucker. But are you saying that you would not buy a sex toy because one day someone might possibly see it and laugh?

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:43 (twenty years ago)

Emilymv is right -- those things are for kegels, not pleasure. But hey, who knows?

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:43 (twenty years ago)

Jeanne and I are just trying to help you guys have better orgasms.

SHUT UP.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:43 (twenty years ago)

i'd wager more straight men buy butt plugs than buy pocket pussies.

Does anywhere have a both for the price of one deal?

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:44 (twenty years ago)

I think I might laugh at first. But I wouldn't the second time.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:44 (twenty years ago)

Gay men have already discovered the joys of butt. Straight men have this whole other world of fun they could add to their repertiore if they only weren't afraid to feel "gay" or something.

AMEN

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:44 (twenty years ago)

YES, Luna

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:44 (twenty years ago)

Pickled Pocket Pussys

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:45 (twenty years ago)

yeah if you're going to use 'will someone laff if they see this' as a criteria for sexual activity you're ruling out just about everything

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:46 (twenty years ago)

I would contribute except I think everything's been said already.

ooh xp excercise can be fun too.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:46 (twenty years ago)

Gentlemen, you have a veritable TREASURE TROVE OF PLEASURE in your ass. (Yes, I am posting this)

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:46 (twenty years ago)

preach it!

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:46 (twenty years ago)

YES, Luna

Well then you are way too self conscious and also missing out.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:48 (twenty years ago)

where the fuck are the women determined to see me have better orgasms in THIS town?

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:49 (twenty years ago)

how long till will get a pirate joke?

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:50 (twenty years ago)

PROFESSOR...

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:51 (twenty years ago)

To men at large: enjoying assplay does not make you gay. Stop being so homophobic.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:53 (twenty years ago)

I'm not missing out. I don't need fancy factory-made toys in order to fuck something.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:53 (twenty years ago)

About the original question: why are pocket pussies pathetic but not dildos? I think it has something to with how power relations between genders have historically been as related to sex (and to everything else, obviously). Because women have been, and many times still are, sexually in a subordinate/passive position, nowadays it is considered admirable for a woman to be actively sexual and satisfy herself. Whereas with men, who historically have been dominant sexually, it is considered pathetic to waste your sexuality on toys. ("Dude, you can even get a real woman?")

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:54 (twenty years ago)

"you can't"

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:54 (twenty years ago)

I may have a treasure trove of pleasure in my ass but its filled with hemorrhoids.

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:54 (twenty years ago)

I think the idea of "better [male] orgasms" is still pretty new, it isn't surprising that toys -- which would have to work on that principle instead of the "have an orgasm or don't" which is sufficient to sell a female sex toy -- are still on the starting end of the mainstreaming curve.

(This also affects why women would have trouble seeing why men would have trouble accepting toys; you already know the come button's a rheostat, not a knife-switch.)

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:54 (twenty years ago)

No, you don't. But there's a whole other world out there...

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:54 (twenty years ago)

It's that, yes, and also the issue of objectification of a piece of a woman instead of the enjoyment of a whole person. It's not such an issue with dildoes because that's a piece of a man that he's usually more than happy to lend out, anyway.

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:56 (twenty years ago)

(x-post to tuomas)

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:56 (twenty years ago)

All I'm saying is don't be so quick to discount that with which you have had no direct personal experience, and therefore about which you have no real idea. < /Fin>

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:57 (twenty years ago)

Taking one look at the Fleshlight is all the experience I want to have with it.

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:58 (twenty years ago)

I didn't mean that one thing specifically. Stop being obtuse.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:58 (twenty years ago)

who here's used a pocket pussy? maybe they're just not very effective sextoys. while i could imagine a dildo being better than a penis (er, not mine of course haha um), i'm very skeptical there's a pocket pussy out there that tops the real thing and no fucking way does one of those mouthsticks top real head.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:59 (twenty years ago)

It's that, yes, and also the issue of objectification of a piece of a woman instead of the enjoyment of a whole person.

Oh for God's sake -- NOW men are going to be concerned about objectifying a woman and reducing her to body parts??? Unbelievable.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 11 November 2004 19:01 (twenty years ago)

Well, when the issue is presented so literally...

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 19:02 (twenty years ago)

Please don't underestimate us.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 11 November 2004 19:02 (twenty years ago)

It would be difficult to do.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 19:04 (twenty years ago)

Now we've swung from caring about men's orgasms to... what? What's going on now? I'm lost.

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 19:05 (twenty years ago)

I spend enough time thinking about sex, I don't need to start spending money too.

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 11 November 2004 19:05 (twenty years ago)

I still care. I'd care more if I didn't want to also beat their heads in.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 19:06 (twenty years ago)

Head beating is a little explored area of sexual pleasure. Count me in.

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 11 November 2004 19:07 (twenty years ago)

Whose heads, Luna?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 11 November 2004 19:08 (twenty years ago)

If you aren't interested in trying them, that's fine, no one is making you, but don't dismiss them as a whole because you don't think you want to try them out. You may say 'but I don't need them! I can do it myself!' -- no one NEEDS sex toys, but they're fun anyway.

Sex toys = good.
Not having sex toys = also good.

Carry on.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 19:08 (twenty years ago)

I think part of what's weird is the insistence on anatomical correctness in the PP. I mean, dildos don't seem weird because a lot of the time, they're phallic objects, but they don't look like penises. There are dildos and vibrators that look like penises, but those seem just as ridiculous as the PP. If there was a PP that was more abstract, more of a sex toy than a "replacement" for sex, it would seem less silly. The insistence on anatomical correctness makes it seem like a proxy for a sex life rather than an addition to a sex life.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 11 November 2004 19:42 (twenty years ago)

yeah if you're going to use 'will someone laff if they see this' as a criteria for sexual activity you're ruling out just about everything

If you don't laugh a bit, or at least a grin or a giggle, during sex, then you're probably doing something wrong

― caitlin (caitlin), Thursday, 11 November 2004 20:47 (twenty years ago)

http://www.unclemelon.com/inanimate_tube1.jpg

http://www.unclemelon.com/inanimate_tube2.jpg

http://www.unclemelon.com/inanimate_tube3.jpg

― Superfucker, Thursday, 11 November 2004 20:59 (twenty years ago)

(The fleshlight looks like a bizarre anime character.)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 11 November 2004 21:01 (twenty years ago)

"I think "dildonics" is my new favorite word evah."

You'll love teledildonics then

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=teledildonics

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 11 November 2004 21:37 (twenty years ago)

The insistence on anatomical correctness makes it seem like a proxy for a sex life rather than an addition to a sex life.
-- n/a (nu...), November 11th, 2004.

well isn't that the point for some people? normal msturbation gets old.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 12 November 2004 00:52 (twenty years ago)

Anatomical correctness is freakin' creepy. I've heard other people say this wrt dildos too.

re the original question: I think it's primarily the assumption that men using masturbatory aids = they can't get laid while this isn't assumed to be the case for women. Also the fact that someone buying dildos/vibrators may be using them with a partner probably doesn't help to change this perception.

― mouse (mouse), Friday, 12 November 2004 00:58 (twenty years ago)

Hey, at least the fleshlight has a cap that you can screw on top of.

I mean, it has a cap that you can cover over it.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 12 November 2004 01:10 (twenty years ago)

my brother says he has one. ewwwwww.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 12 November 2004 01:14 (twenty years ago)

Jeanne and I are just trying to help you guys have better orgasms.

I don't think there are any sufficiently advanced devices (ie not people) that can compete with my own hand in the standard masturbation stakes.

I think a lot of men have an aversion to the fake vagina for the same reason most women buy dildoes that are hot pink / purple / blue / etc and are basically an abstract penis-like device, maybe with ridges or vibrating perls or whatever the fuck. They certainly don't look much like real dicks. I've had dildo-buying female friends of mine express their distaste at the dildoes that look pretty much like a rubber mould of a real cock and balls.

Everyone in this thread who has remarked on the wealth of pleasures that await in the realm of the ass is 100% OTM.

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 01:30 (twenty years ago)

Thank you, thank you.

*bows*

*is naked while bowing*

*gets a dildo up the ass*

*is pleased*

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 01:35 (twenty years ago)

The fleshlight feels really, really smooth and life-like inside. Nothing like a big ol' silicone dildo. If I had a penis, I'd stick it in there.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 01:40 (twenty years ago)

Since you don't have a penis, how do really kniow? (honestly asking, btw.)

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 01:40 (twenty years ago)

That pink penis-sheath that Jeanne posted is much closer to acceptable than Jenna Jameson's rubber pussy.

Another problem with toys is cleanup - you'd have to wash and sterilize/disinfect (I assume lube and man-juice could grow bacteria at a nice clip, maybe not) them on a regular basis, esp. anything you cum inside. Most guys can barely do that with their sheets and towels.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Friday, 12 November 2004 01:42 (twenty years ago)

That pink penis-sheath that Jeanne posted is much closer to acceptable than Jenna Jameson's rubber pussy.

Much closer and much more reasonable, yes, and my sand-worm comparison was a joke, if that wasn't onvious. Jeanne's idea of what sex toys should be are the best I've seen around here, and even in most sex toy stores.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 01:44 (twenty years ago)

I stuck my finger in one once at Babes in Toyland. The cute dyke behind the counter was eager to let me feel it.

xx-post

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 01:45 (twenty years ago)

http://www.realdoll.com

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:07 (twenty years ago)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:09 (twenty years ago)

I didn't look at the RealDoll site before, but holy shit - "Effective September 1 2004, Female Realdoll prices will be increased to $6499.00."

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:09 (twenty years ago)

Jesus... that verifies my argument from before more than anything ever could. It's a whole woman, and yet it's an objectification of every single part of that woman, all at once. It's some sick-ass shit, IMO.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:12 (twenty years ago)

This is the most frightening one.

WHY BUY A POCKET PUSSY OR GOD FORBID JUST JERK OFF WHEN YOU CAN BE PART OF ACTUAL HENTAI YOURSELF, YOU SAD, SAD BASTARD!

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:13 (twenty years ago)

what about the butt fleshlight?

http://www.fleshlight.com/main/images/products/featured/smf_butt.jpg

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:14 (twenty years ago)

Ally has been looking at that realdoll website for three weeks straight.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:15 (twenty years ago)

FUCKING SHIT

*shudders*

No, really. You can't see me, but I keep going "ewwwbbbbbbrh" and shaking my hands in front of me. Gross.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:17 (twenty years ago)

YOU'RE TOTALLY RIGHT ACTUALLY I BOUGHT ONE TO USE AS EXOTIC ART AS THEY MENTION ON THE WEBSITE AS A REASON FOR PURCHASE OMG WTF

Seriously fwiw this whole "fleshlight" situation is pathetic for a pretty simple reason to me, which is that it's a really creepy looking thing. It's a disembodied vagina! I also find dildos really frightening for anyone who would admonish me for being hypocritical. At least these scary looking faux vaginas aren't like neon pink and have bunny rabbit ears like dildos seem to half the time.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:17 (twenty years ago)

They seriously mention that as an excuse? hahaha

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:18 (twenty years ago)

Who does the disembodied asshole exploit? Everybody has one.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:19 (twenty years ago)

Ally OTM, and Nick OTM from way before, and they're tied in together. The gfact that it looks like a real vagine, *but just the vagina*, is incredibly fucking creepy and sadistic and mad-scientist-ish. As if to say, "If we could create a living vagina apart from the body, we would!"

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:20 (twenty years ago)

Question: What sort of people buy REALDOLL?

REALDOLL customers include futurists, artists, art collectors, film-makers, scientists, health professionals, housewives -- you name it. There simply isn't just one type of REALDOLL customer! We provide REALDOLLs to single men, couples seeking to enhance their sex lives, people looking for exotic decorative art, adult retailers who want the ultimate display mannequin, or anyone who desires to possess the world's most realistic love doll (for whatever reason).

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:21 (twenty years ago)

z-post

the disembodied penis carries none of those connotations, whether it actually looks like a penis or not. Go figure.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:23 (twenty years ago)

Holy shit, am I not futuristic enough if I don;t like fake women?

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:23 (twenty years ago)

As if to say, "If we could create a living vagina apart from the body, we would!"

Can it be done through stem cell research? Hmmm...

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:24 (twenty years ago)

If it could be done, it would only be embraced by the very creepiest of men.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:26 (twenty years ago)

...um, just like the fleshlight is only embraced by the very creepiest of men.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:27 (twenty years ago)

Well yeah, who hugs a vagina?

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:28 (twenty years ago)

Luna and Jeanne have a point about men embracing pleasure through sex toys, but I don't think they take into account how FUCKING CREEPY the men who are already doing this are, and how this creates a stigma for men's sex toys that doesn't exist for women's sex toys.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:29 (twenty years ago)

I kinda dig anna mae.
C'mon.
Like if you met her in a bar or something?
ALSO: I hug vaginas.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:31 (twenty years ago)

Jesus Kenan, it's like you equate male sex toy ownership with pedophilia.
And no, I've never owned one.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:31 (twenty years ago)

xxpost -- And it certainly doesn't account for why men's sex toys appeal to the FUCKING CREEPY guys in the first place, which is almost the thread question. I don't know the answer.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:33 (twenty years ago)

OK that's 28 posts you've made on this thread to the point that they're creepy.
Thou doth protest etc etc

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:35 (twenty years ago)

You have a tendency to speak in definites, Kenan, but even so, I think you're implying a knowing firsthand experience with male sex-toy users, on the part of the general populace, that doesn't exist. The perception may be that they're all really creepy, and you can argue that if guns are outlawed only outlaws have guns, but it puts you in some complicated places.

If you DO know a lot of guys who are creepy and have the toys, that's another thing, but then we're just talking about guys you know who talk to you about sex.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:35 (twenty years ago)

"Male sex-toy users" includes me, so I'm not about to say anything bad about them. Sex toys come in many flavors. The sex toys that mimic (usually badly) female body parts are very creepy to me, and suggest a sexual politic that I'm wholly uncomfortable with, and to suggest that I might be being intolerant to people that use them, that I already think are perverts,isn't going to broaden my perspective.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:41 (twenty years ago)

Are you ignoring the canyon-sized leap from "this suggests something I'm uncomfortable with" to the non-speculative statement "the people already doing this are fucking creepy," or do you not see it? It's not a tolerance issue, I don't think.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:44 (twenty years ago)

Would you be more comfortable with a pocket pussy the looked like, I dunno a big coin slot?

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:44 (twenty years ago)

THAT looked like a big coin slot

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:46 (twenty years ago)

Are we talking about sex toys or about Bush vs. Kerry? Because it seems like I've had this argument a couple of time already this week.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:46 (twenty years ago)

Sorry, I didn't mean to seem that argumentative. It's not like I'm crusading for sex toy recognition or anything, I'm not the masturbation myrmidon. You were just being weirdly strident about it.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:47 (twenty years ago)

I'm just talking about what's creepy. I'm not saying we should start persecuting people who use the fleshlight. If someone intimates to you that they love it and you think that's ok, more power to you. I for one, would think it's fucking creepy.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:49 (twenty years ago)

Who does the disembodied asshole exploit?

Millions of Americans citizens each day.

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:49 (twenty years ago)

I agree that the objectification is disgusting, something I really, really hate. But what about dildos that are made to look like penises? For some reason nobody (including me) is that bothered that they exist!

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:53 (twenty years ago)

i guess that's what the thread title is asking...and i'm a moron.

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:56 (twenty years ago)

ok I seriously want this question answered:
To the people that think the pocket pussies and the lifelike dildos are creepy but the dildos that look like giant candlesticks are ok - What if there was a pocket pussy that was like just blue or grey colored with a simple slot on the out side i.e. no imitation labia or whatever, but felt like these pussy replica ones do on the inside? What then? Would that be better?

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:57 (twenty years ago)

x-post

Yeah, and really we've already covered (or at least glossed-over) that issue already.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:58 (twenty years ago)

that would have to be better. it's just that people aren't used to thinking about men's sex toys.

xpost, SORRY

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 12 November 2004 02:59 (twenty years ago)

You're not a moron, caitlin -- I don't think that's necessarily what the thread title's asking. I don't buy objectification or realism or the combination as reasons for the difference, for the simple reason that the general public isn't really aware of artificial vaginas the way they are of dildos. The argument would make sense if it were a conscious rejection of male sex toys -- either in general or these specific ones -- but I think it's stronger, or more foundational, than that.

To use a much stronger example, it might be true that Americans wouldn't like the taste of dog meat, and iit might also be true that there are good, sensible reasons to consume dog meat -- but neither of those things bears even slightly on why we don't eat it. They just don't have a chance to have an effect.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:00 (twenty years ago)

To the people that think the pocket pussies and the lifelike dildos are creepy but the dildos that look like giant candlesticks are ok - What if there was a pocket pussy that was like just blue or grey colored with a simple slot on the out side i.e. no imitation labia or whatever, but felt like these pussy replica ones do on the inside? What then? Would that be better?

I must say, I haven't a clue what you're getting at. Genitalia aren't just physically different, they're socially and politically different. Stanrt there and work backwards through history, and it'll all make sense.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:01 (twenty years ago)

What if a BLIND MAN uses a pocket pussy? Is he a creep? What difference would it make if it looks like a real pussy or not?

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:03 (twenty years ago)

yes objectification is creepy. a dude who collected fleshlights and eschewed non-fleshlight sexuality would be creepy. if any person's sexual nature defines their gender of interest as fundamentally icky, I think that person has some issues they need to work on. But on the other hand, if you never leave the house, no harm, no foul. Sex toys as part of a (reasonably) fulfilling and health sex life are great no matter if they're fleshlights or like earlights or something. Fantasy is fantasy and getting off is getting off. Yay for getting off!

To get at the question, perhaps fleshlights are creepy because they make you think of a guy humping something, and dildos aren't because they make you think of a woman humping something?

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:05 (twenty years ago)

Genitalia aren't just physically different, they're socially and politically different.
Are you saying that men shouldn't be allowed to stick their penis in anything that simulates a vagina but isn't actually a vagina because women have been oppressed politically and socially throughout history? Even if it looks no more like a vagina than a pocket rocket looks likes a penis?

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:06 (twenty years ago)

KENAN ARE YOU KATHLEEN HANNA?

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:08 (twenty years ago)

"Fantasy is fantasy and getting off is getting off. Yay for getting off! "

hooray! :-)

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:12 (twenty years ago)

KENAN ARE YOU KATHLEEN HANNA?

Yes.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:13 (twenty years ago)

handism

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:15 (twenty years ago)

Seriously though Kenan, if I take this argument to its logical conclusion it's like:

TS: Fucking a pocket pussy VS Raping a woman - Which is creepier?
Because you seem to think only a rapist woman exploiter would own one of these.

Also, if you lube up your hand and jerk off it kinda simulates a vagina, oh no! NOT PC!

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:15 (twenty years ago)

eriously though Kenan, if I take this argument to its logical conclusion it's like:

TS: Fucking a pocket pussy VS Raping a woman - Which is creepier?
Because you seem to think only a rapist woman exploiter would own one of these.

No. Wrong. Absurd.

Your hand does not do its best to pander to the saddest, lonliest element of society, the one that's willing to settle for *anything* that looks like a vagina. I take back what I said before. That's not a pervert. That's someone who has given up on ever having a real vagina anywhere near him ever again. Because as others have said, there's no way a plastic vagina will ever be as good as the real thing.

What I meant by the Bush/Kerry comment was that we might just be dealing with some kind of moral absolute. I find any man who thinks a fake pussy acceptable to be inherently objectionable. I'll jerk off all day long, but damned if I'll... *(shudder)*... stick my dick into a cold piece of.. oh, I can't even finish. It's too icky. I like women too much.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:22 (twenty years ago)

If a woman buys a dildo then, by your logic she has given up on ever having a real penis anywhere near them again. She sticks a cold piece of plastic in vagina and is therefore a sicko.

the Socio=political thing is a total copout.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:26 (twenty years ago)

i typed that sloppily but you get the point.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:27 (twenty years ago)

Also only manhaters buy dildos now too? The girls that don't buy them like men too much?
You're sticking to the double standards and failing to look at the big picture of what you're truly arguing.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:29 (twenty years ago)

I think a lot of people find it weird or creepy because there's a mainstream attitude that male masturbation is ugly and disgusting. I get comments like that frequently from a lot of women. Beats me as to why.

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:31 (twenty years ago)

Also people who call it a "cold" piece of plastic are neglecting to realise that you can submerge sex toys in hot water before you use them. It makes it a lot more comfortable!

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:32 (twenty years ago)

by your logic she has given up on ever having a real penis anywhere near them again. She sticks a cold piece of plastic in vagina and is therefore a sicko.

Seeing as how your "point" ignores everything I (and to some degree everyone else) have made for the last, Oh, 8-12 HOURS, I will address it only very briefly. Everything exists in the context of everything else. If you don't understand that, you're either misguided about your own beliefs or worse, stuck on Jesus.

x-post

I understand that by saying this, I'll inspire the ire of luna and Jeanne and others who don't see a difference, and such, but I think they're wrong. I think there *is* a difference between women and men, and the difference is a matter of perception, and while at some point there's no ideological line to be drawn, the social and political difference will remain despite what we think of each other as a sex, and maybe even despite what we think of each other as people.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:33 (twenty years ago)

you are a media zombie

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:34 (twenty years ago)

You still haven't answered for any of your double talk. Tell me how YOU PERSONALLY MISTER KENAN, NOT WHAT SOME WOMENS STUDIES BOOK SAID, truly feel that a woman buying a dildo is a-ok but a man buying a sex toy is a member of "the saddest, lonliest element of society". This is a totally illogical argument that you can't back up.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:40 (twenty years ago)

how much does the fleshlight cost?

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:41 (twenty years ago)

$50

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:41 (twenty years ago)

I'm gonna get the Nirvana box set instead, haha.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:42 (twenty years ago)

hmmm. fifty bucks, eh?

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:42 (twenty years ago)

I THINK IT'S WEIRD TO FUCK A FAKE PUSSY! I THINK PEOPLE WHO FUCK FAKE PUSSIES ARE WEIRD!

And I think argument about it giving a better orgasm are null and void, actually. Those arguments were made by people without penises. Those people were giving penises credit for being a lot more complicated than they are. They're not complicated *at all*. There's maybe somehow a better male orgamn, but it's not in any way analagous to a better female orgasm. A better male orgasm will not be related to sticking his penis in something more staisfying than his hand, which is what I think the pro-sex females here are missing. Guys don't work like you do. Better stimulation doesn't meana better orgasm, because there is no better (physical) stimulation than the kind we discovered when we were 13.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:44 (twenty years ago)

"Everything exists in the context of everything else" sounds like an argument for totalitarianism.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:44 (twenty years ago)

Yes. Obviously I am talking about Hitler.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:46 (twenty years ago)

"Better stimulation doesn't meana better orgasm, because there is no better (physical) stimulation than the kind we discovered when we were 13. "

you don't know that unless you've tried it! and if you tried it, byt that logic, you're a "creepy, weird loser"!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:48 (twenty years ago)

YOU CAN'T DO THAT! IT MIGHT OFFEND SOMEBODY OR HURT THEIR FEELINGS AND SOME WOMAN YOU WILL NEVER MEET WILL BE EXPLOITED BY THAT POCKET PUSSY THAT MOST LIKELY NO ONE WILL EVER SEE YOU USE OR EVEN KNOW THAT YOU OWN IT
BIG BROTHER BIG BROTHER BIG BROTHER BIG BROTHER

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:48 (twenty years ago)

byt that logic = by your logic, i mean. sorry.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:49 (twenty years ago)

"Hey that girl is really attractive, I'd like to have sex with her but not honor and marry her"
THOUGHT CRIME THOUGHT CRIME THOUGHT CRIME THOUGHT CRIME

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:49 (twenty years ago)

I think we all need to step back and have an orgasm of our choosing.

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:53 (twenty years ago)

This thread's gonna have so many lives before it's done.

But yeah, geez guys, SAFEWORD.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:55 (twenty years ago)

"if you buy drugs, you're supporting terrorists, because everything exists in the context of everything else!"
CONFORM OBEY CONFORM OBEY CONFORM OBEY

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:57 (twenty years ago)

What I mean is that putting your dick in some fake pussy is always.. and let me be clear about this, because I am a man, and understand male phisioloogy somewhat, and even a good deal of male psychology... putting your dick in a fake pussy is *never* s first-level masturbatory thing you do. It's more like third or fourth level. It's not *seeking more pleasure*, like it may be with women, it's not learning to own your own pleasure, because we do that at age five. If a man is looking to put his penis into a foreign object, it's weird. That's not narrow-minded or religion-based or anything. Listen -- I know these things. I a man has gotten to the point where he feels he needs to put his penis in a fake vagina, this man ius no9t seeking pleasure like a woman would. This man is desperate for akink, because he's already jerked off a million times, and still hasn't gotten laid.

Really, girls. Trudt me on this one.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:57 (twenty years ago)

Now pat them on the head.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:59 (twenty years ago)

Kenan, no offense, but you really don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

I mean, without even touching the subject of sex toys, I can say from experience that my orgasms from being inside a vagina are very different than my orgasms by hand, and I often like them better. So if I want to reproduce that experience when I'm single (and I'm not interested in casual sex), I'm supposed to say to myself, "Sorry, only hands allowed"?

I think Andrew is OTM: "there's a mainstream attitude that male masturbation is ugly and disgusting". Hell, there's a mainstream attitude that male sexuality is ugly and disgusting. And I'm fucking sick of it.

xpost

Jesus, Kenan, project much?

― no thanks, Friday, 12 November 2004 03:59 (twenty years ago)

Kenan have you ever heard of a clitoris? A lot of girls just masturbate with their fingers and have no real need for penetration during masturbation.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 03:59 (twenty years ago)

I a man has gotten to the point = IF a man has gotten etc.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:00 (twenty years ago)

Hell, there's a mainstream attitude that male sexuality is ugly and disgusting.

the unfortunate thing is that some of it genuinely *is*.

god knows i'm not within a screaming roar of being comfortable with my sexuality.

― the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:01 (twenty years ago)

I so tried to cancel that, honest. But Kenan -- this'll be my last participation in this argument, I hope -- you didn't just sound patronizing there, you're just flat-out wrong about a lot of things, and keep insisting on projecting your personal experience to the whole of malekind. There are lots of studies of male sexuality present and past, it's fairly clear you're not familiar with them, and non-hand masturbation is neither historically nor statistically weird. You really are left only with your moral absolute, and it's a very strange position to take.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:03 (twenty years ago)

the unfortunate thing is that some of it genuinely *is*.

I don't think that's any less true of female sexuality, there's plenty to be creeped out by there: ever read some of the Nancy Friday books? Ped0ph!lia, b3stial!ty, anything you can name, it's in there.

Unless, that is, we're going to play the "all men are guilty of original sin because they're capable of rape, therefore all men must walk around under a cloud of guilt to remind them of their own bestial nature" card.

(In which case I'm just going to give up, because if people really do think that, then the war between the sexes is never, ever going to end, except in complete and total mutual destruction.)

― no thanks, Friday, 12 November 2004 04:06 (twenty years ago)

Lordy. More than we ever wanted to know about the quality of male sexuality. But seriously, it's not just about the orgasm, it's about the quality of what leads up it, I would think (and have been told by those who have penises). Orgasm is inevitable. It's the process of getting there where lies the quality. A portable pussy just doesn't seem much of a quality ride. But different strokes....

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:07 (twenty years ago)

I try my goddamndest to not be ashamed of my sexuality, and my even more goddamndest to consider the opinions of the women in my life, who are usually more offended by my sexuality than anyone on ILX will ever be, and either way I slice it, I have decided the safest way to go is to assume that men are kinda gross, and by very direct proxy that I am kinda gross. I mean, I have never dated a woman who didn't think that ejacualtion was either funny or unpleasant. Are there girls out there who think that ejacualtion is... um... good?

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:08 (twenty years ago)

Date other women, man. What would you tell a female friend who said that, with the genders reversed?

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:10 (twenty years ago)

We've already established that he's incapable of putting the shoe on the other foot, Tep. I tried that.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:12 (twenty years ago)

Huh?
are there girls out there who think that ejacualtion is... um... good?

Ejaculate is just messy, that's all. Not gross, just a biological by-product. I mean WE have periods, for God's sake, do you think we hold a little effluvium against you?

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:12 (twenty years ago)

i'm not *entirely* sure that comparing the two exactly helps...

― the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:14 (twenty years ago)

The only reason "don't be sexually involved with partners who are offended by your sexuality" is the 17th rule of sex instead of the 2nd or 3rd is because fifteen of those fuckers are about moving vehicles and farm equipment.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:15 (twenty years ago)

Are there girls out there who think that ejacualtion is... um... good?

Yes.

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:16 (twenty years ago)

Jesus... I'm suddenly in a very weird place. I breathing faster. I'm incredibly uncorfatable.

No, I've never dated a girl that has accepted my ejaculate as a natuaral thing. The only people who have ever done that have been girls I had one-night-stands with.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:16 (twenty years ago)

haha! Maybe that's my point. You wouldn't want us to wipe our effluvia all over you. You probably don't think we're gross for having it.

We don't want you to wipe your effluvia all over us. We don't think you are gross for having it. (Apologies to females who like to wallow in sperm)

xxpost

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:16 (twenty years ago)

TMI ALERT

if i was with a woman who could ejaculate, you best believe i'd want it on my face.

― the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:17 (twenty years ago)

I'm great with female effluvia. I like it. It means excitement.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:18 (twenty years ago)

Note to Kenan: Meet better girls with healthy attitudes.
Er, no offense if yr in a relationship.

Note to ESOJ: Most women would willingly oblige. Finding a guy who gives good clit is difficult.

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:18 (twenty years ago)

some of 'em pee a little when they come.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:18 (twenty years ago)

Lordy. More than we ever wanted to know about the quality of male sexuality.

Perhaps more than you ever wanted to know...(did you really need to make such a condescending comment?)

Orgasm is inevitable. It's the process of getting there where lies the quality.

Well, sort of, but some orgasms are definitely better than others, and some processes tend to lead to better orgasms than others. Part of it's mental, but part of it's physical for sure.

xpost instead of writing "apologies", why not change the "we" so that it doesn't look like you're trying to speak for all women?

― no thanks, Friday, 12 November 2004 04:19 (twenty years ago)

Too late.

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:20 (twenty years ago)

Note to Kenan: Meet better girls with healthy attitudes.

I have only myself to blame.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:22 (twenty years ago)

females who like to wallow in sperm

Sign me up!

Orgasm is inevitable. It's the process of getting there where lies the quality.

I disagree with that. While the process is definitely important, the quality of the orgasm itself can vary hugely depending on a number of factors. In my experience I've actually found that less stimulation brings on the best orgasms - something which turns me off these fake vagina things.

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:22 (twenty years ago)

I have never dated a woman who didn't think that ejacualtion was either funny or unpleasant. Are there girls out there who think that ejacualtion is... um... good?

Seriously, Kenan have you considered any type of therapy?

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:23 (twenty years ago)

Food for thought.
xpost

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:23 (twenty years ago)

has anyone considered that maybe kenan just has really really weird spunk?

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:24 (twenty years ago)

purple and chunky

― the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:25 (twenty years ago)

Poor Kenan. He has bared his weenie and the roast is starting.

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:25 (twenty years ago)

I don't know about anyone else, but Kenan has seriously got me to the point where I'm considering buying a fleshlight.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:26 (twenty years ago)

In my experience I've actually found that less stimulation brings on the best orgasms -

Andrew speaks very very very wisely (and is probably great in bed: not that many people have that insight).

something which turns me off these fake vagina things.

See, I find that my orgasms with vaginal sex + condoms are often better exactly because of the whole "less stimulation" thing, so that might tempt me into trying a fake vagina thing with a condom. But I find disembodied body parts repulsive (and that goes for male parts too: I hate dildoes that look like actual penises).

― no thanks, Friday, 12 November 2004 04:26 (twenty years ago)

and is probably great in bed

I'm probably not experienced enough.

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:27 (twenty years ago)

Is it the decreased stimulation or the (presumably) longer pre-orgasm duration?

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:28 (twenty years ago)

Ally is OTM.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:28 (twenty years ago)

Curious: what do you define as "stimulation"? Pressure? Different speeds of motion?

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:29 (twenty years ago)

Tarkovskii movies?

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:30 (twenty years ago)

Is it the decreased stimulation or the (presumably) longer pre-orgasm duration?

Probably the longer duration. If you're sexually excited or "on the edge" for a long period of time it makes you ejaculate more, which in itself is a pleasurable sensation. Of course, to stay that close to orgasm without actually blowing it you need to be pretty understimulated.

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:30 (twenty years ago)

That's what I was talking about when referring to "the ride"

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:31 (twenty years ago)

I find that the longer it takes you to come (the longer you can hold back rather), the harder you come. And you do this by not overstimulating.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:31 (twenty years ago)

x-post

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:31 (twenty years ago)

very slowly + very deep = very slow buildup but the most awesome orgasms ever

― the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:31 (twenty years ago)

Some of the best lovers I've ever had were virgins with little or no experience; some of the worst had 10 years experience.

xpost: Tep, the latter helps but the former is what I'm getting at. If you try masturbating with only a feather-light touch on the "male clit" (the frenum), it'll take an hour but the orgasm will be incredible. Orbit: some of both, I guess. The main idea is not to overstimulate the nerves in the area (so very light touch, and focusing on small areas at a time).

― no thanks, Friday, 12 November 2004 04:31 (twenty years ago)

Hehe. I know.

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:33 (twenty years ago)

"stimulation" I would classify as, um, friction? "Friction" seems to harsh a word to describe what I'm talking about. I guess what I mean by decreased stimulation is being gentle and withheld rather than just grabbing a cock and yanking it till to orgasm. Similarly, when, uh, stimulating a woman you can't just start rubbing the clit furiously. You've got to be a bit more withheld. And again, if you're having penetrative sex you can't just go plugging away furiously... things have to build to a point. Surely somebody understand what I'm talking about?

― Dr Love (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:34 (twenty years ago)

is the frenum the real sensitive bit under the head?

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:34 (twenty years ago)

I understand completely
x-post

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:35 (twenty years ago)

winky

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:35 (twenty years ago)

the frenum's that little bit of chickenneck i'm guessing

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:36 (twenty years ago)

Sure. Nerves can only take a certain amount of hard stimulation before they're not sensitive anymore, so if you go from 0 to 100% intensity right away then you've pretty much played all your cards. But if you keep the stimulation light, then each percentage point feels like a million miles, and there's all this electric potential waiting to be tapped, so that by the time you get to 22%, you're seeing shooting stars.

xpost frenum is the cordy part, yeah.

― no thanks, Friday, 12 November 2004 04:38 (twenty years ago)

Told you this thread had some more lives.

Yeah, I was wondering which aspect of "less stimulation" was being praised, and it turns out -- both. Cool.

What a weird thread to be distracted from work by.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:40 (twenty years ago)

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:41 (twenty years ago)

omg we lost him!

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:41 (twenty years ago)

Basically to me getting off that way (with the frenum) takes intense concentration (and it's tough to do with partner sex) but if you get it right, it's like experiencing a normal orgasm with triple intensity and depth, in slow motion, over the course of an hour. Figuring out how to do it changed my life, no joke, because it made my best orgasms go from a C+ ("that was nice, but was it really worth it?") to an A ("my God, how have I been missing this all my life?") and that changed my whole sexual self.

(Only thing that sucks is, if I do it alone, I feel a profound desire to hold and be held afterward, which is saddening.)

― no thanks, Friday, 12 November 2004 04:43 (twenty years ago)

xpost
sorry.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:44 (twenty years ago)

KKeeeeennnaaaannnnn!

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:45 (twenty years ago)

I'm here, hon, but I'm very very sad.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:47 (twenty years ago)

No, don't be sad. It's just in fun. I'm sure you're fine.

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:48 (twenty years ago)

Oh Kenan. :(

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:48 (twenty years ago)

I'm realizing, suddenly, that the only girls that like me are the ones with no self esteem. This is a sharp and terrible realization.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:49 (twenty years ago)

Kenan do you not see how you are being nothing but tautological?

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:50 (twenty years ago)

Oh dear.

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:51 (twenty years ago)

I think the solution is for Kenan to buy a nice, nonjudgemental fleshlight.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:55 (twenty years ago)

The things that pass for knowledge I can't understand.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:57 (twenty years ago)

All we are is dust in the wind, dude.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 04:58 (twenty years ago)

Reasons why I do not own a pocket pussy or similar device:
1. $. I'd rather spend it on porn and can rig up something to penetrate by myself.
2. I live at home and don't particularly like the idea of my parents finding such a thing.
3. My penis is an uncomplicated piece of equipment and a lubed hand would be very hard to improve upon as a stimulator.
4. There is a stigma attached to owning/using such a device. I shouldn't let this affect me, I know.
5. I rarely get laid, and buying a pussy seems like admitting defeat.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:01 (twenty years ago)

All of oop's reasons are solid and valid, but none so much as #3.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:02 (twenty years ago)

i'm much more likely to buy one of those sophisticated seethru plastic sock things than a fleshlight.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:03 (twenty years ago)

2 and 4 are slightly negated by the fact that it looks exactly like a fucking flashlight.
I mean it is a FUCKING FLASHLIGHT.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:03 (twenty years ago)

ive been away for like two weeks cuz ILX is FUCKING BLOCKED BY MY WORK and now im glad to come back to see that things are quite the same as I left them.

― AaronK (AaronK), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:04 (twenty years ago)

xpost

Me too, but I'm extremely unlikely to buy either.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:04 (twenty years ago)

jaysus christ. . .one little innocent sex toy thread b/c carnage. I copied several different things intending to quote and reply but lost track. oh well.

An ex of mine bought a pocket ass (anyone see the Jackass dvd extra scene 'pocket ass'?) and he was/is not creepy. He was highly disappointed in it though and it ended up in the bottom of a drawer while we used it's vibrator bullets otherwise.

I think every guy here should go out and buy a Fleshlight. Stand up and be proud it will be a revolution!

Not every single time I have sex nor with every single man but I do enjoy being ejaculated on and always swallowing it. Am I creepy too?

The cut-off torso things from RealDoll are the only ones which kind of creep me out. The other stuff, disembodied porn pussies and the like, just make me want to laugh b/c they're silly looking.

Do I feel objectified by this things? You mean anymore than I do the rest of the porn industry? Trust me, the dudes home at night humping their half-RealDoll are the least of my concerns when it comes to the pervs of the world.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:06 (twenty years ago)

Thank you, voice of reason.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go buy a fleshlight and proceed to fuck it every night.
I'll think of Kenan when I do.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:11 (twenty years ago)

Fag.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:11 (twenty years ago)

Am I creepy too?

You're the revolution waiting to happen.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:12 (twenty years ago)

hahaah
x-post

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:12 (twenty years ago)

How did I become anti-sex and anti-porn through the course of this thread, when I never said anything of the kind?

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:15 (twenty years ago)

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:16 (twenty years ago)

um what?

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:17 (twenty years ago)

So now porn is okay with you? That exploits women and has more socio-political implications than a fuckin rubber twat.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:18 (twenty years ago)

I really don't follow you. I don't know if you're arguing for or against something I said, an probably either argument would be flimsy, sinbce what I said to begin with was probably flimsy.

What did I ever say that was worth arguing with?

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:21 (twenty years ago)

Arguing that fucking a disembodied vagina exploits/demeans women is reading too much into things.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:22 (twenty years ago)

I think this thread has gotten to a riduclous point where people still want to argue points everyone seems to agree on.

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:23 (twenty years ago)

For the record, I find these things creepy in the same way I find fake disembodied fingers and fake poop creepy.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:23 (twenty years ago)

kenan were you always such a feminist? this is not a side of you I remember well.

I think someone put some fake poop in my apt's parking lot and I keep waiting to see if someone will step in it.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:25 (twenty years ago)

I have been avoiding this thread all day but I just read this!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

― adam... (nordicskilla), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:29 (twenty years ago)

I don't think I'll bother with the rest of the thread.

― adam... (nordicskilla), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:30 (twenty years ago)

kenan were you always such a feminist? this is not a side of you I remember well.

my arguments ahve not changed that much, all things considered. I'm curious as to how you remember me. Was I Calum before or something?

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:30 (twenty years ago)

Arguing that fucking a disembodied vagina exploits/demeans women is reading too much into things.

Dude...

*cringe*

No sir, I don't think it is.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:32 (twenty years ago)

Well maybe if everyone was a complete moron who couldn't differentiate between a rubber cooch and a living breathing human female, I *may* entertain such an argument.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:35 (twenty years ago)

We already did this part!

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:38 (twenty years ago)

Sorry. I stepped out.
I was right, right?

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:40 (twenty years ago)

Entertaining the idea that there are people who would rather *not* differentiate between a rubber... uh... thing... and a living breathing human female is bad enough.

Also plz remember males are scarier in general. There are rapists out there. I mean... I don't mean that all dildos are predatory or something. I just mean that you have to consider that fake pussies might... might... be considered kind of predatory by some... ok, by most... people.

I mean... come on. Sex toys are great. Fake pussies are fucking gross.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:42 (twenty years ago)

People who rape fake vaginas should be shot!

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:43 (twenty years ago)

Oh, that's not what I mean.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:43 (twenty years ago)

Do you hear that Kenan? That baby screaming? You didn't do that thing with the bathwater again, DID YOU?

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:43 (twenty years ago)

Oh, plz.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:45 (twenty years ago)

That's especially rich coming from you, oops, who I know from upthread sympathizes with my POV completely.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:46 (twenty years ago)

Kenan, seriously, you are very clearly not qualified to address what most people think, when it comes to sex.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:46 (twenty years ago)

Also plz remember males are scarier in general. There are rapists out there. I mean... I don't mean that all dildos are predatory or something.

are you kidding me? "males are scarier in general"?? good lord.

rapists have nothing to do with sex toys.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:46 (twenty years ago)

You still haven't said why exactly fake pussies are wrong/creepy/gross. Sure creepy guys may use one, but that doesn't mean using one makes you creepy.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:46 (twenty years ago)

WOMEN ARE PERFECT ANGELS WHO NEVER DO ANYTHING WRONG EVER,
KENAN WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A BRIDGE?

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:47 (twenty years ago)

I'm going to go buy a fake pussy/cooch/twat/whathaveyou and make a purse out of it.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:48 (twenty years ago)

Kenan, I don't know about completely, but I do sympathize with your POV, yes. However, I am willing to admit that it is my personal view/hangup and not objective fact.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:48 (twenty years ago)

I HAVE SOME SWAMPLAND IN FLORIDA YOU MAY BE INTERESTED IN

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:48 (twenty years ago)

Ed Gein to thread.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:48 (twenty years ago)

I'm so totally buying one now, and I'm gonna RAPE IT!!!!!

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:49 (twenty years ago)

You know what WOULD be creepy? Like totally on objective terms, I defy anyone to argue with me, if someone bought a fake pussy and then went down on it. Now that would be really bizarro.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:52 (twenty years ago)

hahaha

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:52 (twenty years ago)

no, you win.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:52 (twenty years ago)

if you like plastic that much, just buy some saran wrap or something, it's cheaper.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:52 (twenty years ago)

stence are you referencing booty call?

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:53 (twenty years ago)

does anyone else 'eat out' burritos occasionally?

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:53 (twenty years ago)

nope, never seen it.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:54 (twenty years ago)

WHAT DO YOU ORDER AT BURRITOVILLE USUALLY

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:54 (twenty years ago)

hahahahaha

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:54 (twenty years ago)

no, blount, just you.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:55 (twenty years ago)

I don't order the fish tacos, ally.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:55 (twenty years ago)

http://www.vallefudgeworks.com/shopping%20cart/Wax%20Lips.jpg

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:55 (twenty years ago)

OMG THATS EXPLOITING HUMANS

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:56 (twenty years ago)

If you turn it sideways it's so creepy

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:56 (twenty years ago)

I've gone down on saran wrap before. no good.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 05:58 (twenty years ago)

whoa.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:08 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, I know what sam's talking about. Bad news.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:10 (twenty years ago)

Also... why?

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:10 (twenty years ago)

you put saran on a girl or a guy? I assume you mean a girl but I'm picturing some dude wrapping his dick in saran cuz he was out of condoms.
x-post

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:11 (twenty years ago)

saranwrap makes an effective cheap jerryrigged dental dam or so i've heard.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:12 (twenty years ago)

are you asking me why kenan? cheap, easy dental dam. Why did you?

xpost girl (dental dam, obv)

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:12 (twenty years ago)

seriously you people need to see booty call

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:12 (twenty years ago)

I've never understood the appeal of the dental dam, if there is any.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:13 (twenty years ago)

yeah I know, function, sure, but I'm talking appeal.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:14 (twenty years ago)

There is none, which is what I meant, of course.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:14 (twenty years ago)

yeah the same appeal as condoms presumably

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:15 (twenty years ago)

it's not an appeal, just a safe sex practice. i mean, what's the appeal of the condom?

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:15 (twenty years ago)

Even the function is highly dubious.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:15 (twenty years ago)

we all need to stop saying the same thing at the same time.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:16 (twenty years ago)

you owe me a coke sam!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:16 (twenty years ago)

condoms don't seem like the worst thing in the world to me. It's annoying when people (usually guys) complain about 'em.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:17 (twenty years ago)

Sorry. We'll all practice that.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:17 (twenty years ago)

I prefer not to use condoms. They irritate me and increase the chance that I'll get a UTI. They smell like rubber. They taste like rubber. just bleh.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:18 (twenty years ago)

most girls I know aren't really into oral with a condom.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:19 (twenty years ago)

UGH.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:19 (twenty years ago)

so the condom goes on and all oral stimulation stops? My sex's usually a little more spontaneous than that and as we all know condom's get in the ways of this. Hence, annoying.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:20 (twenty years ago)

the condom goes on when it is time for teh fucking. if teh fucking ends and still oral stimulation seems appropriate, then the condom goes off and a quick wash and uh okay this is TMI probably.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:21 (twenty years ago)

xpost

but what do you consider your other options?

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:22 (twenty years ago)

seriously thank god I don't have to deal with condoms anymore.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:23 (twenty years ago)

same here. I'm still curious how other people do, tho.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:23 (twenty years ago)

it's not really that difficult.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:24 (twenty years ago)

I don't consider other options Kenan (unless it's committed you know) hence sometimes: mouth on condom.

example for the less imaginitve. I'm on top and every three or four strokes I stop and take him down my throat then continue. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? I feel objectified.

btw the "teh" thing must've happened in my absence and it drives me up the wall.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:25 (twenty years ago)

sorry about the teh.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:25 (twenty years ago)

No, it's not that difficult, I mean I never have bought the argument that some guys have that they "can't" with condoms, I mean hundreds of thousands of men seem to get used to it A-OK, but it just kind of takes away something from the whole thing to have to deal with the whole condom process.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:26 (twenty years ago)

yeah, sex with condoms is pretty much sex as i've known it, it might be different if i was old enough to have had sex pre-aids but safe sex has been pretty ingrained in me. it might explain why i greatly prefer oral though.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:27 (twenty years ago)

Surely it does. I mean, it's not arguable. It all about whether you want to bad enough. Most guys do, and if they don't, then don't fuck em.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:27 (twenty years ago)

I dunno, I've done it with and without, and hell I like sex regardless. Wearing one ain't gonna cramp my style or mean I'm having no fun or something. And I pretty much won't NOT wear one these days, as the times when I didn't I was young and stupid.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:28 (twenty years ago)

Actually I was always one of those guys who whined about condoms. (Shocked?) That's one of the reasons I got fixed. I realized, I guess, how juvenile I was being, and instead of overcoming it, decided to embrace it.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:30 (twenty years ago)

plus great thing about condoms is when you're making out and the girl hits pause for a sec and asks 'you have condoms yeah?' or some variation thereof (the girl who asks if i have a jimmy hat wins my hand in marriage), cuz then you KNOW that yes, you will be fucking soon. it's a 'cleared for landing' signal.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:30 (twenty years ago)

woah woah woah, have i missed something? kenan did you have yourself neutered?

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:31 (twenty years ago)

There are other reasons other than "it doesn't feel as good!" why a man would not like to use a condom. I TMIed out Dan a lil while ago by mentioning it.

blount otm there

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:31 (twenty years ago)

what other reasons? (damn I need to go to bed)

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:32 (twenty years ago)

I found out not long ago that one of the few times I said "well, the hell with it," without being practically married, she got pregnant. So I'm more firmly on the bus with condoms than I was, that's for sure.

(This was years ago and it's no one's trauma today, it's just my first thought when the condom question is raised now.)

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:32 (twenty years ago)

TMI WARNING

Sam: not staying hard after coming

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:33 (twenty years ago)

x-xpost yeah,I'm a eunuch with a scrotum. It's good.

x-x-x-post You get that signal either way, dude.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:33 (twenty years ago)

the girl who asks if i have a jimmy hat wins my hand in marriage

haha it's the guy I DON'T have to ask who would win mine

(well maybe)

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:33 (twenty years ago)

??? oops that's normal

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:34 (twenty years ago)

do your girlfriends not use contraceptives or something? (not saying you shouldn't take care of it yourself. congrats kenan)

gotcha oops. and come on, wasn't I completely tmi above?

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:34 (twenty years ago)

Not for me it isn't. It's my only talent in life.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:35 (twenty years ago)

whoa again.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:36 (twenty years ago)

oops is rafael palmeiro and i claim my five dollars.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:36 (twenty years ago)

Dude, you just poke a hole in the condom for drainage, so you don't get soggy. Easy fix.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:36 (twenty years ago)

*scans through thread* Mm.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:37 (twenty years ago)

er, isn't that what leads to the problem you had, Tep?

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:37 (twenty years ago)

do your girlfriends not use contraceptives or something?

Not anymore, and frankly, that's one of the reasons I did it. Tired of girlfriend's having to carry the weight, which they kinda do even with condoms. And with medieval shit like the pill, it's even worse... hormonal shiftfs, weight gain, strange and unexpected periods... it's too much to ask, at some point.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:37 (twenty years ago)

xpost okay Ned "Mm" is a weird choice of a word to describe this thread.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:38 (twenty years ago)

I assume Tep was making a funny

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:39 (twenty years ago)

yeah I was trying to funny back at him, or something.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:41 (twenty years ago)

And with medieval shit like the pill, it's even worse... hormonal shiftfs, weight gain, strange and unexpected periods... it's too much to ask, at some point.

i guess it's different for every woman. I've never had trouble with pills and even take them when sexless (like now) so I can control my periods.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:41 (twenty years ago)

The options with the pill vary a lot even compared to a few years ago -- I know a lot of women (come to think of it, nearly every woman I've slept with) who have gone on it only recently because a prescription or dosage has become available that left them without side effects (just for reference, or what have you).

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:41 (twenty years ago)

(It wasn't a very good funny, so.)

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:42 (twenty years ago)

sam it's not like you always know and it's alot easier to just put on a condom than have to worry about abortion drama afterwards (and you thought i was an asshole before folx!); even if you're dating it still seems somewhat unfair - alot of girls really really hate the pill and it's kinda screwed up to ask them to screw up their bodies so that sex will be a little bit more enjoyable for me. plus the putting on of the condom can be fun too (strangely while 'bj with a condom' suxx, er, dixx having a condom put on with the mouth is superfun).

bah xpost!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:42 (twenty years ago)

I don't mind condoms at all, really. Sure, it changes the flow of things a bit, but not necessarily for the worst. You have this little pause before penetration (as the condom is applied), where the tension and excitement build.

The only big problem I have with them is I've had a couple break in the past, and every now and then I have a bit of a freakout if it feels like it's broken. (meaning I'll pull out shortly after orgasm and not really get to properly enjoy the post-coital embrace... which does suck)

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:43 (twenty years ago)

I like to imagine the condom-applied-by-mouth is the closest mortal man comes to whatever happened to Batman on the way down the batpole from the library to the cave.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:44 (twenty years ago)

really the worst thing about condoms is the sad lonely condom that lingers in your wallet and whispers 'you bought me - what? - three months ago? i've probably EXPIRED by now man'.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:44 (twenty years ago)

The Pill is shit but I will not go any further than that.

That being said everyone is correct in saying the options today with the Pill and other forms of hormonal birth control are vast and varied and quite a lot of them carry different side effects from one another and react differently in different people so if one type is causing weight gain, painful irregular periods, et al there are about 400 others that cost the exact same amount that you can try out instead.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:44 (twenty years ago)

i always put it on with a mouth and am definitely not discouraging men from shirking responsiblity or anyone from not wrapping it up. It just sounded like these women were wantonly throwing open their legs trying to trap innocents like Tep and Kenan into fatherhood.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:45 (twenty years ago)

I've only ever had one girlfriend who was on the pill, and we never had sex without a condom either.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:45 (twenty years ago)

bitch have aids?

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:46 (twenty years ago)

haha i'm sorry

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:46 (twenty years ago)

hahaha no, you made me laugh.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:46 (twenty years ago)

dude, you can see the condom outline through my wallet. perhaps i should stuff it between some credit cards or something.

Tep I refuse to put you on the LOL thread again today!

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:46 (twenty years ago)

thrice, this thread has made me laugh out loud. loudly. thrice!

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:47 (twenty years ago)

hstencil do you own trojan stock?

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:47 (twenty years ago)

I've only ever had one girlfriend who was on the pill, and we never had sex without a condom either.

Aww... well if you ever end up in a long-term with a partner who's been tested (and you yourself) it's definitely worth doing.

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:47 (twenty years ago)

One time I had like an entire box of condoms (not still in the box, just the foil packets) in my purse. To this day I have no idea why that was like that. Anyway someone knocked my purse over at work and it was like the goddamn condom factory exploded. I had no idea they were all in there!! It was really bizarre.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:48 (twenty years ago)

It just sounded like these women were wantonly throwing open their legs trying to trap innocents like Tep and Kenan into fatherhood.

Oh, that happens, too. Even now. In my harem. Little do they know.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:48 (twenty years ago)

I'm going to go have unproctected sex with my vibrator. good night.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:48 (twenty years ago)

xpost - no but maybe I should consider buying.

double xxpost - Andrew, I've had sex without a condom, just not with that one girlfriend (thankfully).

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:48 (twenty years ago)

Jesus, Blount!

Somewhere in this apartment -- unless I threw them out last year -- are condoms I originally purchased with a woman who is now married and has just celebrated her first anniversary in China. Never buy the jumbo budget pack when a breakup is on the horizon.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:49 (twenty years ago)

triple xxxpost - whoa.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:49 (twenty years ago)

that was to sam but it kind of works for tep's post too.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:50 (twenty years ago)

Andrew, I've had sex without a condom, just not with that one girlfriend (thankfully).

Ah, I see.

I buy condoms in bulk packages of like 140, because I found a brand I like and can trust, and they're cheap as fuck in such quantities. Once my housemate had a party and I put them all in my bedside drawer (filling it completely). At several stages throughout the night I lured different girls I'd only just met into my bedroom and opened the drawer suggestively. It was fucking hilarious.

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:52 (twenty years ago)

It sure would be hilarious to fuck someone with 140 condoms on your johnson.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:53 (twenty years ago)

Also sometimes one's sex life is so intermittent that it's really not worth going on the pill for the off chance you might get laid that year.

Never buy the jumbo budget pack when a breakup is on the horizon.

haha yes

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:54 (twenty years ago)

Jesus, I sometimes have enough trouble rolling even one of them on, let alone 140. (xpost)

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:54 (twenty years ago)

You need a rolling machine like they have for joints.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:55 (twenty years ago)

or a lamprey maybe (not sure how lamprey's work really)

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:56 (twenty years ago)

I'm sorry, I wouldn't make it past #30 before I got to the point where I'd be insulated enough that I'd just use the wad of rubber sticking out of me to catapult the other 110 around the room like elastic bands, one by one.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:56 (twenty years ago)

*pfing!*

"Woohoo!"

*pfing!*

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:57 (twenty years ago)

Hooooooooooooooly crap, I just read this entire thread. Here's what I have to say:

fake <======8 is far less creepy than fake ( )*( )

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:57 (twenty years ago)

No, I just need to be less retarded when it comes to rolling on condoms. I seriously don't get it. Sometimes it just works perfectly, others I end up stalled halfway, wondering whether I've tried to put it on inside-out (I never have).

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:58 (twenty years ago)

NOT WORK SAFE. I AM A GIANT KNOB.

(I did this for noize board yesterday!)

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:58 (twenty years ago)

weeee here we go again
xxpost

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:59 (twenty years ago)

Health class in middle school scared the crud out of me, especially when they told me that putting on a condom the wrong way could transmit AIDS. I thought they meant that if I put it on backward I was totally gonna get AIDS on the spot. Was a terrible, terrible moment.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:59 (twenty years ago)

I was wondering when that would get posted.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Friday, 12 November 2004 06:59 (twenty years ago)

Oh, sorry Andrew. I thought that this thread was labeled, on its own, as a NSFW post. My bad.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:00 (twenty years ago)

(that was me reacting to remy's post, not voicing tep in his cockringin' slingin' fantasy)

― oops (Oops), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:00 (twenty years ago)

I was wrong, it isn't always cute when a girl bites her lip.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:00 (twenty years ago)

Don't worry Andrew, I always feel like sort of stupid when I put condoms on boys.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:02 (twenty years ago)

Do you think any of the 'not having a condom so using a ziploc bag ' stories are true? Can anybody verify? I've always been amazed by this legend!

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:02 (twenty years ago)

Jesus, wouldn't the seam along the side cut the fuck out of the woman? Ugh!

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:04 (twenty years ago)

google only brings up jerk*ff tips, which is no help at all.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:06 (twenty years ago)

ugh condoms. good lord they're awful. yeah yeah complain complain i know i know, but i've been lucky enough to have grown up having 3 difft long term gfs who weren't into them either. so here i am, 26, and i have basically NO experience with them at all.

plus they don't fit.

― g--ff (gcannon), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:17 (twenty years ago)

They fit me fine, but I have a smallish cock. I just think it's unsexy and awkard to put them on. Scenario:

Remy: Um, you wanna ...?
Chixor: Yeah, def. Totally. Just, err, I'm not on birth control. You got a rubber?
Remy: Yup. Here, help me put it on.
Chixor: I don't know how, my old boyfriend always did it himself.
Remy: Hold on, it'll take a few seconds

[few seconds]

Chixor: Got it?
Remy: Yeah, gettin' close. They make these packages out of teflon, I swear. Um, man this is ruining the moment, I'm totally losing... you know...
Chixor: I can help with the mfhgahjklar!! (mouth full)
Remy: Here, got it.
Chixor: Phrogalkk!
Remy: You better stop that or I'm not gonna - gonna - gonna - yeah, I don't need this any more.
Chixor: take that shit out of my hair. Christ, you asshole, I'm gonna smell like monoxadil-9 now.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:22 (twenty years ago)

Smallish?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:37 (twenty years ago)

Not embarrassing in any way, and ahead of the national average, but not particularly large. You know, pocket-sized.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:38 (twenty years ago)

Ahead of the national average = smallish?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:39 (twenty years ago)

you know, relatively speaking.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:43 (twenty years ago)

that makes no sense. relatively speaking, if you're above the natural average you're not smallish.
If you're comparing yourself to giant pornstar donkey dicks, those are rare, relatively speaking.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:45 (twenty years ago)

porn stars and medical textbooks lie to me!

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:47 (twenty years ago)

national average /= global average.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:47 (twenty years ago)

Where on earth are you getting these averages from?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:49 (twenty years ago)

what are the numbers for national as opposed to global?

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:49 (twenty years ago)

"natural average"
oops just caught that. NATIONAL average.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:50 (twenty years ago)

MEAN, MEDIAN, OR MODE?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:50 (twenty years ago)

You know what WOULD be creepy? Like totally on objective terms, I defy anyone to argue with me, if someone bought a fake pussy and then went down on it. Now that would be really bizarro.

Geez Ally, how ELSE am I supposed to practice?

― Layna A (Layna Andersen), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:51 (twenty years ago)

I don't know, I have been up for 19 hours.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:52 (twenty years ago)

Abusing the Viagra again?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:53 (twenty years ago)

haha, I've got an addiction.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:53 (twenty years ago)

Did you hear about that new surgery where they make a chick into a dude?

It's called the addadictomy!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Fuck it.

― 14 year old Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:54 (twenty years ago)

goddamn it i want to know if Americans are considered to have bigger or smaller weiners on average than the world at large.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:56 (twenty years ago)

varies by ethnicity.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 07:58 (twenty years ago)

goddamn it

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:00 (twenty years ago)

cagey motherfucker

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:00 (twenty years ago)

haha. (at this particular moment I'm proud to be of indiscriminate ethnicity)

but your phallic stereotyping holds true:

asian < caucasian < indigenous north american < african

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:03 (twenty years ago)

I will find study tomorrow. actually, and appropriately enough, the Kinesy study is one of the best on this topic.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:03 (twenty years ago)

Varies by ethnicity. Or at least, if you believe Kinsey, which I'm not entirely prone to.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:05 (twenty years ago)

whoa. I don't understand why indigenous North American would be much bigger than asian. I was under the impression that native Americans were descended from Mongolian stock like most of Asia?

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:07 (twenty years ago)

(I have Cherokee blood and it didn't seem to help in that respect. ha.)

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:08 (twenty years ago)

I'm gonna dig this up tomorrow -- there's a single, generally-accepted study I read as an undergrad which ISN'T written by Kinsey -- and I'll post it on the flipside.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:09 (twenty years ago)

What did you study as an undergrad?!

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:10 (twenty years ago)

Ha! I'm a creative writing / lit major and psych minor - but for the minor I did a lot (LOT!) of work with adolescent sexuality and for a while considered going back to school to study it at the graduate level.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:11 (twenty years ago)

adolescent sexuality?!?!?

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:12 (twenty years ago)

minor was psych. emphasis was on cognitive elements of sexual identity in adolescents, before it had congealed entirely.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:13 (twenty years ago)

also, forgive my grammar - I'm totally fucking exhausted.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:14 (twenty years ago)

Then go to sleep, sillyhead!

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:15 (twenty years ago)

night!

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:17 (twenty years ago)

470 odd posts? Dear God, the threads that fly....

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:17 (twenty years ago)

i haven't worn a condom in 9 years.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Friday, 12 November 2004 11:40 (twenty years ago)

Nothing wrong with stopping to put on condoms. Frankly, at my age, I welcome the rest.

― kenz, Friday, 12 November 2004 12:00 (twenty years ago)

I am surprised and impressed by the display of knowledge and skillzor from so many posters in this thread. Particularly Andrew (or though that may just be because I've met him). I didn't know he had it, er, in him.

― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Friday, 12 November 2004 14:04 (twenty years ago)

Well, er, thanks Tim. I guess. :)

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 12 November 2004 14:37 (twenty years ago)

EW, what does practical work in adolescent sexuality entail?

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 12 November 2004 14:39 (twenty years ago)

What can I do with a chicken breast?

HAW HAW

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 12 November 2004 14:51 (twenty years ago)

Junior high jizzmopper.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 14:57 (twenty years ago)

This thread got WAY better.

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 12 November 2004 15:23 (twenty years ago)

I am surprised and impressed by the display of knowledge and skillzor from so many posters in this thread.

I don't suppose I am entirely -- it's more that I'm surprised at the sheer amount of sharing! (Then again maybe I'm not even surprised at that.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 12 November 2004 15:49 (twenty years ago)

What can I do with a chicken breast?
HAW HAW

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), November 12th, 2004 6:51 AM. (Dan Perry) (tracklink) (later) (link)

Dan, that's friggin' funny!

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 12 November 2004 15:57 (twenty years ago)

I do enjoy being ejaculated on

― Highlight of the thread, Friday, 12 November 2004 15:58 (twenty years ago)

I'll inspire the ire of luna and Jeanne and others who don't see a difference

I never said I didn't see a difference. Not once. My only and enduring point is that sex toys are fun. The end.

Also, I have plenty of self esteem.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 12 November 2004 16:53 (twenty years ago)

This thread rules! It's too long, but I have to stick something in:

THE GRAPE VAGINA

http://www.sexshop.com.mx/toys2000-2/a0369-1.jpg

Also available in Strawberry.

I work in a porn store. Sold one of these recently. The guy wouldn't look at me. These kind of toys are a lot harder to sell than dildos. Dildos are way more popular and usually sell to couples.
I must say though, some of the anatomically correct ass-shape toys, or blow up dolls, come with free porn DVD's. Those are a really good deal- 2 things for the price of 1.

Here's something crazy for your edification: anatomically correct lion penis dildo. Hard to find, probably not available in your average porn shop but quite... interesting.

http://www.escapade.nl/gif/dildoVrij.gif

Lastly, I'm unable to google up the hilarious article, but Jim Goad wrote a great description of the Prison Poodle: a popular home made prison sex toy. 1st, steal a cucumber from the kitchen. 2nd, hollow it. 3rd, insert a plastic baggy, and perhaps microwave it. 4th, fuck it, then replace baggy for multiple use.

― seedy poops in the woods (Queen Electric Butt Prober BZZ), Friday, 12 November 2004 17:17 (twenty years ago)

Here's a review of the two high-end sex dolls, RealDoll and Superbabe.

http://www.victorias-closet.com/RDvsSB/page3.html

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Friday, 12 November 2004 17:53 (twenty years ago)

bought a fake pussy and then went down on it. Now that would be really bizarro.

Geez Ally, how ELSE am I supposed to practice?

Mango. tastes better.

Seriously condoms are not hard to put on or open. you guys need to smoke out or something before you hit the sack, chill a little. And just start to roll them out a bit before you put them on the member and you'll be able to tell if they're inside out. For extra fun and comfort, squeeze a drop of lube in the tip before putting on (rub it in your fingers a little bit so not so cold.)

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 18:23 (twenty years ago)

http://www.progressiveboink.com/b/images/god/gode4.jpg

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 12 November 2004 18:28 (twenty years ago)

Get out of my brain, Dan Perry.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 12 November 2004 18:39 (twenty years ago)

Bob from Accounting: real dolls
http://www.bobfromaccounting.com/shizzypage19.html

― Bnad, Friday, 12 November 2004 19:46 (twenty years ago)

i love this thread.
I also bookmarked the "Realdollvsfakedoll, whatever" page for further web dissimination.
SEMINATION!

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Friday, 12 November 2004 19:57 (twenty years ago)

"The silicone used in the Realdoll is now on it's third generation that I am aware of. The first version was very soft but also [b]very prone to tears[/b]."

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Friday, 12 November 2004 21:04 (twenty years ago)

"Many dolls have a problem with the jaw becoming disconnected at the skull..." - there's just a world of horrible thoughts from the RealDoll comparison.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Friday, 12 November 2004 21:08 (twenty years ago)

Mango/David Duchovny = oh my beating heart! :-)

And for more horrific entertainment, here's the website of a guy who repairs those damaged RealDolls:

http://www.realdolldoctor.com/

Plus!!! USED ONES for SALE!!!

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Friday, 12 November 2004 22:34 (twenty years ago)

A smart investor would create a market for used Real Dolls such that "used" is added value, like with panties and Supergirl capes, turning Real Doll purchase into a profitable activity and eliminating the pressure to commit to any one Real Doll for too long.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 November 2004 23:13 (twenty years ago)

"As used by Brad Pitt."

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 12 November 2004 23:15 (twenty years ago)

Yeah the used Real Dolls are more realistic. You should probably wear a condom, even.

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 23:17 (twenty years ago)

Used ones have more experience and skills!

― Suzyopath (Suzyopath), Friday, 12 November 2004 23:17 (twenty years ago)

ok some of those real doll porn sites creeped me out.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Friday, 12 November 2004 23:43 (twenty years ago)

I just think they're sad.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 12 November 2004 23:48 (twenty years ago)

What if you paint a happy clown face on them?

― Hi, I am a genius. a big one. (AaronHz), Friday, 12 November 2004 23:51 (twenty years ago)

Scary!

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 12 November 2004 23:57 (twenty years ago)

there's one on the doctor's site where they're hanging from chains.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Saturday, 13 November 2004 02:10 (twenty years ago)

Yeah the used Real Dolls are more realistic. You should probably wear a condom, even.

There is at least one recorded case of someone getting gonorrhea by using another man's sex doll.

― j.lu (j.lu), Saturday, 13 November 2004 02:27 (twenty years ago)

"I am surprised and impressed by the display of knowledge and skillzor from so many posters in this thread.

I don't suppose I am entirely -- it's more that I'm surprised at the sheer amount of sharing! (Then again maybe I'm not even surprised at that.) "

Yeah that's mainly what I meant.

― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Saturday, 13 November 2004 02:53 (twenty years ago)

That's just par on threads like this.

― Kenan (kenan), Saturday, 13 November 2004 02:54 (twenty years ago)

yes I almost felt like a stereotype of myself discussing my forms of condom-play.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Saturday, 13 November 2004 03:07 (twenty years ago)

This might sound really simplistic compared to some of what's been said already on this thread (and sorry but I haven't read all of it) but: doesn't the cock (prominent, semi-autonomous) sort of "invite" objectification in a way the vagina does not? I mean, not to say the vagina cannot be represented, in either a two-dimensional (e.g. Judy Chicago) or three-dimensional sense, but it is after all more "of a piece" with the body (and thus the person) of which it forms a part: while the penis protrudes from the torso, the vagina is actually part of the torso, and is actually a folding into it. In some ways it seems easier, with a dildo, to "forget" that IRL, this member would be attached to a person (a guy). With the pocket vagina, on the other hand, the structure not only reveals a part of, but "leads you into", the "missing" person. In this way, the fleshlight is not only a starker reminder of what's absent than the dildo, but also seems like a more violent form of objectification (because it excises the torso).

I'm just thinking this off the top of my head, so I may well be completely off the mark.

― Collardio Gelatinous (collardio), Saturday, 13 November 2004 03:17 (twenty years ago)

huh huh, cocks are cool, huh huh

is that it?

and again, how do you clean that pocket pussy. and what size pockets?

― d.arraghmac, Saturday, 13 November 2004 03:20 (twenty years ago)

I have seven dildos at home and I still can't come.

― N0well (AaronHz), Saturday, 13 November 2004 04:22 (twenty years ago)

maybe that's why you're pissing blood then.

― d.arraghmac, Saturday, 13 November 2004 04:27 (twenty years ago)

The answer to the thread is that men are gross and women aren't, isn't it?

― wetmink (wetmink), Saturday, 13 November 2004 04:41 (twenty years ago)

Collardio, you've made a very interesting observation there. I'm inclined to agree with you.

― Andrew (enneff), Saturday, 13 November 2004 04:42 (twenty years ago)

man why'd you have to get all smart on us?

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Saturday, 13 November 2004 05:00 (twenty years ago)

Why are "pocket pussies" considered so pathetic while dildos aren't?

because you can't beat someone to death in GTA:SA with a fleshlight.

― stevie (stevie), Saturday, 13 November 2004 10:31 (twenty years ago)

I like the term "exquisitely noduled sleeve" on one of the links/images posted above.

Perhaps the reason why "pocket pussies" are considered pathetic etc etc is something to do w/the, uh, physical nature of male masturbation vs female masturbation? TS: mysterious, interesting vs simian, cro-magnon. Or maybe not, I don't know. I don't personally have any problem w/masturbation aids for either sex, except for those things that look like a bit hewn out of a real woman, they make me go ugh a bit. If I found out that any of my irl friends owned a fleshlight or similar, I don't think I'd be that bothered, otoh, if I owned such an item, I'd prob. tell you lot abt it, but not any of my irl friends (wtf? true, though)

The guy who designs the realdoll is, I think a great artist, working in a field that any "conventional" artist who thinks s/he is on the edge in some way would prob. regard as being way beyond the pale. I can't think of any circumstanced under which I'd own one, but in some way, I find it an oddly admirable endeavour. Apart from that anime-looking thing, which is pretty horrid. The other "high end sex doll" ("high end sex doll"!!) that the realdoll is compared to in the website linked to above is horrible, nightmarish. wtf?

I saw the fleshlight on graham norton when we had a tv. the sleeve was long and stretchy. I'm sure if you swung it around your head and beaned someone w/it, it wd be better than the dildo in gte:sa hang on a minute wtf am I thinking about here, argh ffs.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Saturday, 13 November 2004 13:53 (twenty years ago)

Ew! I mean, hot! I mean, wtf!

― objectifryer, Friday, 26 November 2004 19:37 (twenty years ago)

How are you supposed to get any pearl necklace action with the pubes in the way?

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Friday, 26 November 2004 19:56 (twenty years ago)

What, no ass?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 26 November 2004 20:09 (twenty years ago)

omg that is scary. h.r. geiger to thread.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Friday, 26 November 2004 22:03 (twenty years ago)

haha and sure enuf!

http://www.fantasyhouse.com/tek9.asp?pg=products&specific=jqhqepd8

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Friday, 26 November 2004 22:19 (twenty years ago)

It reminds me of that one bit in The Thing.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 26 November 2004 22:59 (twenty years ago)

http://www.fantasygifts.com/tek9.asp?pg=products&specific=jocqepn4

I like the ad-copy for this one. "Double-penetration pleasure" so you and your frat brother/trucker buddy can get off with each other without thinking of yourselves gay.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Friday, 26 November 2004 23:17 (twenty years ago)

I'd be concerned about that "Try me, Buy me" window on the last one.

― nickn (nickn), Friday, 26 November 2004 23:37 (twenty years ago)

ten months pass...

I just have to revive this thread because Tep is a magnificent bastard, and I miss him posting on here.

I mean:

" ... nose-fucker."

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Nothing, Dad."

Aw, man.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 11 October 2005 13:38 (nineteen years ago)

ihttp://img432.imageshack.us/my.php?image=saksalaisetosaa7ze.jpg

― , Tuesday, 11 October 2005 13:50 (nineteen years ago)

ihttp://img435.imageshack.us/img435/5946/saksalaisetosaa7ze8mb.jpg

― , Tuesday, 11 October 2005 13:52 (nineteen years ago)

The semen trail in the third pane is kind of disturbing.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Tuesday, 11 October 2005 15:03 (nineteen years ago)

The birthing panels...!

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 October 2005 15:33 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2005/10/11/real_dolls/index.html

― jhoshea (scoopsnoodle), Tuesday, 11 October 2005 16:22 (nineteen years ago)

That dave cat guy in the link above used to have this really cool, fucked up & funny website years ago, all written in genesis p orridgese - thees & ovs & all that, I used to check it from time to time, coz I used to enjoy the stuff he wrote. Then one day I went there, and he'd deleted the entire site contents, and replaced it with a picture of himself sat next to his realdoll on the front page. I was like woah, WTF?!?!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 11 October 2005 16:45 (nineteen years ago)

ten years pass...

http://www.vice.com/read/masturbation-sleeve-best-new-male-sex-toy

Cashmere penis sleeve?

― Kiarostami bag (milo z), Tuesday, 20 September 2016 02:18 (nine years ago)

...is the name of my Prince covers band

― and all the politicians making crazy sounds (snoball), Tuesday, 20 September 2016 17:32 (nine years ago)

We have the technology.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VKdGb-Fp-4

― gesticulating Pez dispenser (Sanpaku), Tuesday, 20 September 2016 18:31 (nine years ago)

That video links to one for this: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/vitafun-his-her-smart-interactive-sex-toys/#/

Look at the size of that thing!

― Kiarostami bag (milo z), Tuesday, 20 September 2016 20:39 (nine years ago)

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