You are laughing. Your sides are splitting. Excelsior has been said.

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Old thread here. New one now. Laugh laugh laugh.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 6 May 2004 17:34 (twenty-one years ago)

make me.

― dyson (dyson), Thursday, 6 May 2004 17:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Laughing is so 2003

― don (don), Thursday, 6 May 2004 17:38 (twenty-one years ago)

has Stan Lee claimed Excelsior as a trademark yet?

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 6 May 2004 17:43 (twenty-one years ago)

4.0 GPA Aja? I thought you were a police officer?
-- Dan I. (w1nt3rmut...), May 6th, 2004.

― deanomgwtf!!!p%3Fmsgid%3D4581997 (deangulberry), Thursday, 6 May 2004 17:45 (twenty-one years ago)

i once went up to a girl and said, "can i get your number so i can come lick your cunt sometime?" she had the most beautiful forearms i have ever seen. i was too drunk to work my phone properly so i lost her number which she had given me with enthusiasm.

-- matthew james (action_Respok...), May 6th, 2004. (later) (link)

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

He fights bootleggers! He longs for Selina "Daisy" Kyle! He cuts a mean rug! He is: the Great Batsby!

-- Tep (te...), May 6th, 2004.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:27 (twenty-one years ago)

"you could grab my dick."
i could do a lot of things, i suppose.

-- lauren (jaguarrid...), May 6th, 2004.

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lauren I really hope you said that
-- Matos W.K. (michaelangelomato...), May 6th, 2004.

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:41 (twenty-one years ago)

that getup was kind of gay, huh?
-- lauren (jaguarrid...), May 6th, 2004 4:06 PM. (laurenp)

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If by gay you mean gay, then yes, absolutely.
-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), May 6th, 2004 4:07 PM. (spencermfi)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 6 May 2004 19:11 (twenty-one years ago)

hahaha that one is brilliant.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 6 May 2004 19:54 (twenty-one years ago)

From here.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 6 May 2004 19:56 (twenty-one years ago)

How else to arrange for one's cock to be dangling from a hole in the back of one's suit?

-- Barima (barima_...), May 6th, 2004.

No Dirk Diggler replies, plz, ok, thx.

-- Barima (barima_...), May 6th, 2004.

Wear the suit back-to-front

-- Madchen (madchen_in_unifor...), May 6th, 2004.

Cut your dick off and glue it to your ass.

-- Sick Nouthall (auspiciousfis...), May 6th, 2004.

congrats

-- RJG (r_gillander...), May 6th, 2004.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 6 May 2004 20:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Ally, your e-mail address seals the spirit of that exchange.

― Barima (Barima), Thursday, 6 May 2004 20:32 (twenty-one years ago)

And I'm sorry I couldn't be around more when you were kids. It's just... well, daddy has another family.

-- stephen morris (bunchoffive...), May 6th, 2004.

― Catty (Catty), Thursday, 6 May 2004 21:25 (twenty-one years ago)

How the hell do you give someone a blowjob in a tough and semi-ironic way? Does this involve teeth?
-- Emma (emma.hamilto...), July 4th, 2001 1:00 AM.

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If someone gave me an ironic blowjob I would be sarcastically flaccid back.

-- Pete (pb1...), July 4th, 2001 1:00 AM.

― chrisco (chrisco), Thursday, 6 May 2004 21:43 (twenty-one years ago)

whats the deal with Paula always being injured? This week she had a cotton ball on her finger. Probably from giving Cowell the shocker.
-- Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (formerlypoopsmcge...), May 6th, 2004 11:43 PM. (later)

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Those two seriously gotta be getting it on or something, the way they're behaving. I wonder if he critiques her while they're doing it.
"Paula, that was just pathetic. What it comes down to is that you're simply not doing enough to get me off, I'm sorry, but that's the truth."

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), May 6th, 2004 11:46 PM. (later)

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"you'd be great for a second tier anal film, but just not what Im looking for."
-- Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (formerlypoopsmcge...), May 6th, 2004 11:47 PM. (later)

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Randy wouldn't be feelin the blow job. "Im just not feelin it tonight Paula."
-- Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (formerlypoopsmcge...), May 6th, 2004 11:48 PM. (later)

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― the 'surface' 'noise' (electricsound), Thursday, 6 May 2004 21:58 (twenty-one years ago)

"For a North American male romancing English girls is like shooting fish in a barrel"
The reverse is also true.

-- Matt (Mat...), August 3rd, 2002 1:00 AM.

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By which I obviously mean "For a South American female repulsing non- english males is like rescuing land mammals from wide open spaces" natch.
-- Matt (Mat...), August 3rd, 2002 1:00 AM.

― f (Ferg), Thursday, 6 May 2004 22:20 (twenty-one years ago)

from the old thread ... so nice it oughta be posted twice:

From the "so wrong it's funny" file:
fat people are cool as long as they dont smell of ham

-- mist (trojansamura...), May 6th, 2004. (later) (link)

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Friday, 7 May 2004 02:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm also bothered by the image of the kids in the Higgins cartoon. It's attempts to assert poignance and innocence, but stop me if I'm wrong -- don't Iraqis have children too?

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), May 7th, 2004. (later)

Isn't that a Sting song?

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...), May 7th, 2004. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 7 May 2004 04:03 (twenty-one years ago)

If the devil has all the best tunes, then maybe the devil is twee. I look forward to burning in the fires of hell for eternity while being regaled with gurlie dickweed indie music by Satan's behorned charges playing acoustic guitars, kazoos and tambourines, while sporting stripey t-shirts covered in button badges.
-- Canada Briggs (andherproblemsdownther...), January 7th, 2004.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Friday, 7 May 2004 04:21 (twenty-one years ago)

i saw this video on the "vh1 hits" channel today. dave matthews sucks so bad. there's a part where he starts singing along like a dipshit and the orchestra baobab guys just sort of one by one stop playing and look at him. eventually he (takes the hint?) shuts up and they start bringing their parts back in one by one and with the biggest dumbshit smile he starts scatting like a fucking fool. i know the guy's from s. africa and all but how can it be that someone with such apparently good intentions (i think) comes off as so clueless? the combination of his bizarre vocal stylings with his ridiculous cartoony grin and features make it seem like nothing less than total MOCKERY of the baobab guys, like the sort of crap vocalese high schoolers do to annoy the guys in the jazz ensemble. what a clown.

-- vahid (vfoz...), May 7th, 2004. (later)

next to him trey comes off as ornette coleman.

-- vahid (vfoz...), May 7th, 2004. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 7 May 2004 04:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Hee hee:

It's like "the whole course of your life"... a curriculum was an oval running track... It's from "curro" which is the verb "to run".
-- DougD (...), May 7th, 2004 3:52 PM.

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hence, "cardio-vascular"
-- Begs2Differ (cibul...), May 7th, 2004 3:55 PM. (Begs2Differ)

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"curry" also derives from "curro" because it gives you the runs
-- C J (CJ_The_Unrul...), May 7th, 2004 4:12 PM. (C J)

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 7 May 2004 05:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I like the way this thread's title is written, Ned. "A Laugher's Discourse"

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Friday, 7 May 2004 05:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Allyzay Ist Drunken (from that post read down)

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 7 May 2004 08:30 (twenty-one years ago)

ja you didnt get to see me really "getrunken" when you were in nyc, i was on good behavior nd even on monday at akraoke, all i had was one (1) bloody mary with tombot then two (2) lemon his at the korean/ajapaense place and then tow (2 cranberry-grey goose at the karaoke bar, i didn't drnk much at all. i was goood. ou see me drunk, i start punching people and bitching like am ad man.

― allyzay, Friday, 7 May 2004 08:33 (twenty-one years ago)

i ma so sorry for all this shit iam saying.

― allyzay, Friday, 7 May 2004 08:36 (twenty-one years ago)

hehe this is the best bit
hat's what i figured, i mean it is same thing in us really ,youknow that mbeing a us person and all, no one give a shit about perfect syntax.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 7 May 2004 08:39 (twenty-one years ago)

yeh i was very disappointed in your sobriety Kearney, what are you Tanita Tikarum or some shit?

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 7 May 2004 08:41 (twenty-one years ago)

in us no one give a hsit about perfect syntax cos wer'e all drug addict or alcholics so its all good, trsut me. i was so good when brits were in town, i am not sure whybesides i had to do my raadio show mnext morning and pete was gonna come he said so so i didnt want to not show up nad disappoint so i was totally sober, wtf. will fix eventually.

― allyzay, Friday, 7 May 2004 08:43 (twenty-one years ago)

they don't let you into the UK unless you're completely incapable of walking in a straight line, singing the alphabet song or knowing how many fingers i'm holding up i'm telling you now

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 7 May 2004 08:46 (twenty-one years ago)

you are hodling me three finger right? ajnway we shall have fap and you better want to go to a club vof dancing after ward right? i want to go dancing i dunno car where maybe even in the street, or one night only i will get fucked up on booze and someone drugs and then dacne in the street and sing "Boys Dont CRY" this only last for one night tho.

― allyzay, Friday, 7 May 2004 08:48 (twenty-one years ago)

precious

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 7 May 2004 08:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Though I didn't see him per se, Jesus was on the guestlist at a Danielson Famile show in Detroit a couple years ago. +12, naturally.
-- ken taylrr (or...), May 7th, 2004.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 7 May 2004 08:52 (twenty-one years ago)

precious my ass i am dangerous my breasts will form voltron while in london that is my goal.

― allyzay, Friday, 7 May 2004 08:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Can't you form Voltron at home? If only to see if it works first.

― Barima (Barima), Friday, 7 May 2004 09:20 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah no im' doing that right now. im also ruinging this thread wtf wtf.

― allyzay, Friday, 7 May 2004 09:24 (twenty-one years ago)

You've ruined yourselF. You're ruining the thread. BUT THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'M LETTING YOU RUIN LONDON!

― Barima (Barima), Friday, 7 May 2004 09:30 (twenty-one years ago)

you have no chance to survive, make your voltron breasts

― hello gentlemen (blueski), Friday, 7 May 2004 09:31 (twenty-one years ago)

i will ruin london, you watch me. i am like mussolini but for clubs and shit. i wruin them all. thhey all get shut after i been a patron. trust in me. i wwill ruin the london scene and a,so i probably won't be this bad off in lond right.

xpost i am making my voltron breast i will survive trujst me. they are not confused with moutains of whatever sharkira said right.

― allyzay, Friday, 7 May 2004 09:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey, let's open a new excelsior thread and chat like a bad audience at an acoustic gig!

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 7 May 2004 09:33 (twenty-one years ago)

No.

― Barima (Barima), Friday, 7 May 2004 09:35 (twenty-one years ago)

it's very conveninent that this conversation is taking place on this thread, that's all i have to say (apart from some other stuff)

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 7 May 2004 09:36 (twenty-one years ago)

no right this is the purpose right this thread was n't funny to begin with because half these threaas right they are just people posting unfunny aja solliguoqy right and i am like fuck that thhat is not funny funny is steme and barima trying to talk that is funnyright the jokes on ilx they are not funny tehy are something else, they are like the one episode of south park that tryies to har, you know hwat im ean right. i jjust wish it was more like brazil, in a way it is, what with the cubicles alnd all. the thing is i blame ned, he gdoesn't know what funny is he just stats these threasds , he thinks all these poeple are funny but that's cos he works in the library right and in the library you cannot talk you can only read read like vriginia wolfe an d you know what that's not rieally runny neaither is orson bean if you thingk about it, right? none of it is funny, in fact uhumany is not fu nny. no one ifs funny. except you. except you you are funny because you wat the world to be wun ny when in fact iti ts no, it s not funny beceause it is dad, we have rapes and murders and mlestations going and you, you want funny? funny does not exist my friend. you want funny ?put n friday. that is funny. ilx is not funny.

― allyzay, Friday, 7 May 2004 09:37 (twenty-one years ago)

listen stevem i'd hit on yoru but i have aboyfrined and that is all there si to that, also this is justn ot funny, fuunny ifs like...io dunno whhat funny is,right. i like monty phyton but they are not "funny" per se, sometimes you know the young ones was funny and sometimes seinfeld is funny right but it is not "haha that is absurf" right, because in reality you can see peope you know diong it and listen to me, it is not funnywhen you see people you know doing it in reality you are like, my god, paul ,g reg, put down the fucking bong, stp play choo choo rockets, there is a life for you,.

― allyzay, Friday, 7 May 2004 09:39 (twenty-one years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0671032941.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Barima (Barima), Friday, 7 May 2004 09:41 (twenty-one years ago)

hey buullshit i am like elizabeht wurtzel not like fiona buckley you take that back. i am going to put my head in the oven now.

― allyzay, Friday, 7 May 2004 09:42 (twenty-one years ago)

allyzay is funny, so she can stay.

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 7 May 2004 09:43 (twenty-one years ago)

It was the best Google could do for "Queen of Ruin"!

― Take that, rewind it back (Barima), Friday, 7 May 2004 09:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Mark has finally worked out what this thread's really good for.

― Barima (Barima), Friday, 7 May 2004 09:45 (twenty-one years ago)

nah it's getting a bit tiresome now

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 7 May 2004 09:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 682 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

hahaha grah BAHS

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 4 June 2004 23:51 (twenty-one years ago)

"You know, what with all the analysing and theorising, we forgot the loving..."
-- noodle vague (noodle_vagu...), June 4th, 2004.

― de, Saturday, 5 June 2004 02:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Feet of Flames, that's a great name for a show, what are you talking about?
-- Ally (garance8...), July 16th, 2001.

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Please tell me you're kidding, Ally. It sounds like the prequel to Ass of Fire or Hands of Napalm.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), July 16th, 2001.

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Hands of Napalm! That's even better.
-- Ally (garance8...), July 16th, 2001.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Saturday, 5 June 2004 03:29 (twenty-one years ago)

How about working in a zoo, as a monkey?
-- Graham (dtc...), September 4th, 2001.

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go to hell Graham. You mustard-waif
-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), September 4th, 2001.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Saturday, 5 June 2004 03:35 (twenty-one years ago)

i've punched at least 50 people in the face. haven't done it for about 18 months now.
-- Dave Stelfox (destelfo...), June 4th, 2004.

why did you punch them dave?
-- charltonlido (charltonlid...), June 4th, 2004.

(i'm not sure why i find this so funny, i think it's cos gareth sometimes takes on the role of board therapist/guidance counselor-lite, it feel like he's analyzing convict stelfox here)

― m. (mitchlnw), Saturday, 5 June 2004 09:52 (twenty-one years ago)

What's with all this HARD MEN OF ILX business anyways?

― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Saturday, 5 June 2004 10:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I liked it better when I was the hardest man on ILX.

Um. You know what I mean.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 5 June 2004 11:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan don't even pretend that's unintentional.

― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Saturday, 5 June 2004 12:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Now I'm imagining a "HARD MEN OF ILX" Calender. Marcello and Dave together for December!

― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Saturday, 5 June 2004 12:07 (twenty-one years ago)

musicians who you like to think of the voice of God as sounding like

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 5 June 2004 13:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sure at eight you must have had something on your mind other than how stupid your stepfather was.

most ignorant comment on ILE ever, perhaps.

-- Matos W.K. (michaelangelomato...) (webmail), June 5th, 2004 7:43 PM. (M Matos) (later) (link)
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oh wait I just read a Momus post on a thread about terrorism nevermind

-- Matos W.K. (michaelangelomato...) (webmail), June 5th, 2004 7:52 PM. (M Matos) (later) (link)

― amateur!st (amateurist), Sunday, 6 June 2004 19:45 (twenty-one years ago)

a flaneur is a troll in a beret
-- amateur!st (amateur!s...), June 6th, 2004.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Sunday, 6 June 2004 20:09 (twenty-one years ago)

The Lords is the highest court in the L:and but only the Law Lords make judgements. They are the nearest thing we have to a Supreme Court, in tandem with the European Courts of Human Rights and justice. the Law Lords are probably the most eligible members of the lords, however I believe that they don't vote on legislation for reasons of tradition and impartiality.

-- Ed (dal...), January 23rd, 2003.

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For similar reasons, Morrissey does not fellate them.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), January 23rd, 2003.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 7 June 2004 05:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Counsellor Trios ass and tits were ok, but that nose ruined all. Still I bet Riker would often chuckle with Warf about how if she had a abg over her head he'd do her, and then Warf would probaby say "Yeah, and her fore head isnt bumpy enough". There was an episode when the crew was all morphin ginto prehistoric froms of themselves and Warf came on to Trio by saying "GET OUT OF THAT BATH! " and biting her. Not very romantic, those Vulcans.
-- Mike Hanley (pennyson...), July 24th, 2001.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 7 June 2004 05:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I came across a busker playing a Shangi-Las song t'other day. I just stood in front of him saying "Oh my cock, the Shangri-Las"
Brilliant, we both enjoyed the moment. Except him.

-- Mikey G, June 7th, 2004 3:17 PM. (link)

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 7 June 2004 13:20 (twenty-one years ago)

(this makes more sense if you've read everything that builds up to it on the "punched someone in the face" thread, not all of which is funny enough to paste here)

DONT TEST MELBOURNE NIGGAZ TRUS YOU FASSYMAN DONT NAH NUTTIN U THINK AUSTRALIA HOME OF YARDA. ONLY YARDA BWOY DOWN THAT SLUM BE DEM HEROIN FASS DAT SO SKINNY FROM ALL DAT CHICHI SEX DAY HAVE AFFER I PUNCH EM IN DEY NADS.

-- HUNTA-TRAYCE (llamasfu...), June 7th, 2004 2:13 AM.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 7 June 2004 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)

i do hope you realise i'm joking around most of the time...
and if anyone has aever done any kind of martial art, you get to hit people in the face, it's part of it. doesn't form part of my regular daily routine! no analysis necessary, honest. the reason i posted to that thread was because thinking about it i was pretty flabbergasted at quite how many people i have punched in the face, that's all.

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 7 June 2004 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

For similar reasons, Morrissey does not fellate them.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), January 23rd, 2003.

Does this make any sense in context??

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 7 June 2004 13:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Umm, I did understand it. but then...

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 7 June 2004 13:33 (twenty-one years ago)

At one stage, whilst watching a video monitor of live action from the house including Michelle changing, a male member of production staff is heard to say "Go on Michelle, get 'em out love, go on, ohhh - too late. Awww - OK so you'll give a bloke head on telly but you won't show us your nips. Fine. No puppies for Christmas."

This man sounds nice.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), June 7th, 2004. (later) (link)

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 7 June 2004 13:36 (twenty-one years ago)

from the happy b'day Prince thread on ILM

Happy Birthday. You are the reason I make music. And your new album definitely blows.

-- Jay Vee (ziut...), June 7th, 2004.

― Huk-El (Horace Mann), Monday, 7 June 2004 14:18 (twenty-one years ago)

From the B-Day ILE thread:

I thought it was longer tbh

Me too -- it's like prison, time passes more slowly here.

-- El Diablo Robotico (nicolew1...) (webmail), June 7th, 2004. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 7 June 2004 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

hipsters in la = "OMG I LOVE TEH MARS VOLTAAAAAAAA?"
-- HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (¡Û¡Ù¢¾♋¡¡Ý¡è¥...), June 7th, 2004 4:52 PM.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 7 June 2004 20:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I keep seeing this thread title minus the colon, and thinking it's a Laurie Anderson song.
-- donut bitch (do...), June 7th, 2004.

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There is a very obvious "minus the colon" joke to be made here.
-- El Diablo Robotico (nicolew1...), June 7th, 2004.

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VengaDanga will reload this page soon, Diablo.. no worries there
-- donut bitch (do...), June 7th, 2004.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 7 June 2004 20:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Uh, which thread?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 7 June 2004 21:02 (twenty-one years ago)

the Ronald Reagan one.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 7 June 2004 21:04 (twenty-one years ago)

hmm, when I googled "Reagan" just now (with safesearch on) I got some colon-related hijinks that I don't think happened at Walter Reed....

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 7 June 2004 21:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I think the real question is "Have you ever punched someone in the face from an open car window while yelling at them?"

-- gygax! (gygax0...), June 7th, 2004. (later) (link)

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 7 June 2004 21:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I think the real question is "Have you ever punched someone in the face from an open car window while yelling at them?"

I did this once, wearing a trucker hat and eating mayo.

-- hstencil (hstenci...), June 7th, 2004. (later) (link)

― IN-JOKE A GO-GO (Dan Perry), Monday, 7 June 2004 21:21 (twenty-one years ago)

People who walk in, fart, and then silently walk back out again

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What are they REALLY trying to say?!
-- @d@ml (nordi="mailto: (nordicskilla@hotmail.com"> (nordicskilla@hotmail.com), June 7th, 2004 3:38 PM. (nordicskilla) (later) (link)

Answers
"hello, I'm your husband and this is my favourite way of annoying you"
-- ailsa (ailsa_watson7...), June 7th, 2004 3:41 PM. (ailsa) (later) (link)

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 7 June 2004 21:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Mmm, dessicated bodies.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), June 7th, 2004.

― de, Monday, 7 June 2004 22:02 (twenty-one years ago)

First I'd act shocked when they chewed a hole in my shoulder. Then I'd kick the zombie and hit it over the head with furniture and lock the door behind me. After hustling my family into the car in the garage, I'd start 'er up and take off down a darkened country road only to discover that all the oil's leaked out and the pistons fused in place from the heat. I'd put my family in a rickety canoe and just as we're about to shove off and escape the zombie would show up. I'd wrestle with it for a while, and then as it's about tear off my foot with its mandibles I'd stretch out my arm and grab the shotgun from the trunk of the car. I'd shoot the zombie square in the chest, knocking it over. I'd row my family to safety across the far shore and we would stay over at our friendly old neighbour's house across the lake to rest, feeling that we've weathered the catastrophe. Then the next morning I'd awaken, swaddled in bandages, to the sounds of a struggle in the kitchen. I'd open the door, limping, and witness the zombie finishing off my neighbours, who were taken completely by surprise as I would've made up some story about a bobcat when asked to explain the teethmarks. I'd yell at my wife and kids to grab everything and run out of the house and equip myself with a kitchen knife and a frying pan. I'd fight with the zombie for a while and end up burning it, cutting it, and getting myself pitched into the cabinets a few times. I'd lose the knife and the frying pan eventually and the zombie would be almost on top of me and I'd be about to die. Then my wife punches the zombie in the face and it explodes into turquoise glitter. That's what'd I'd do if they were a flesh-eating zombie who was being quite charming but I suspected was about to devour my entire family and I'd read in a book that only a punch in the face would destroy them.
-- TOMBOT (yea...), June 7th, 2004 11:39 AM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 June 2004 22:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I've never punched anyone in the face, but I've won a surprising amount of arm-wrestling contests.
-- @d@ml (nordicskilla@hotmail.com), June 7th, 2004 3:17 PM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 June 2004 22:16 (twenty-one years ago)

But I wasn't trying to be funny!

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Monday, 7 June 2004 22:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I just wanted to show that little guys can be tough too.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Monday, 7 June 2004 22:17 (twenty-one years ago)

So can little women.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 7 June 2004 22:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I know, it just made me laugh.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 7 June 2004 22:25 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.netstate.com/states/peop/people/images/pa_lma.jpg

DON'T FUCK WITH ME, HO!!!!!!!!

― Louisa May Alcott (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 01:07 (twenty-one years ago)

she's part of the billy x crew who were gonna go show that nigga fabolous what for with a spiked bat after the philly show, yeah?

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 8 June 2004 01:54 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.netstate.com/states/peop/people/images/pa_lma.jpg

dont u be talkin bout MY MAN, ye heard? keep his name outta your mouth or you might catch a knife, word!

― Louisa May Alcott (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 02:00 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.todayinliterature.com/assets/portraits/w/edith-wharton-200x307.gif

Peace, aight?

― Edith Wharton (Ned), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 04:13 (twenty-one years ago)

(edited for maximum excelsioritude)

i know this will sound hopelessly chauvinist, but something irks me about the brits taking a bunch of red-hot american music, and then selling it back to us at $20 a disc.

-- amateur!st (amateur!s...) (webmail), June 7th, 2004 6:07 PM. (amateurist) (later) (link)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

We always do that! It's our thing. For some reason when you do it we just end up with... Interpol.

-- N. (nickdastoo...) (webmail), June 7th, 2004 6:18 PM. (nickdastoor) (later) (link)

― amateur!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 05:15 (twenty-one years ago)

My friend F has always been a generally tolerant person, until she went to do her PhD in Durham. She's teaching there now and her level of Sloane bile has to be heard to be believed. She gets really annoyed that they'll suddenly start a conversation about what schools they all went to in the middle of a seminar, ignoring anything about the books (mostly not having read them). she feels it's pointless her being there, because they won't work for their degrees, but will get lovely jobs anyway because daddy runs a publishing house.
-- Anna (Fieldingann...), June 8th, 2004 12:45 PM. (Anna) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

she should put them on double secret probation.
-- chris (cbrassic...), June 8th, 2004 12:47 PM. (chris) (later)

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 12:07 (twenty-one years ago)

i think bjork's farts probably smell like cherries
-- cutty (holle...), June 8th, 2004 9:11 AM. (mcutt)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 12:25 (twenty-one years ago)

"Prop Comic" is short for "proper comic" i.e. - one who performs comedy in the proper fashion... which is, obviously, smashing watermelons or pretending to phone someone on an oversized fish. Now THAT's comedy...!
-- dave225 (adspac...), June 8th, 2004.

― Al (sitcom), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 12:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I HUNG OUT TONIGHT WITH A GIRL WHOSE FAVORITE BAND IS EINSTUERZENDE NEUBAUTEN!!!!

-- HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (○☆♥♋∼◎↑Ω...) (webmail), June 8th, 2004 1:41 AM. (ex machina) (later) (link)

So how's Genesis doing these days, anyway?

-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), June 8th, 2004 1:42 AM. (Ned) (later) (link)

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 12:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Jon hung out with geeta?

― bnw (bnw), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 13:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I hung out with her last night.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 13:07 (twenty-one years ago)

my problem is that i won't tolerate violence, momus.
-- Dave Stelfox (destelfo...), June 8th, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't you mean 'My problem is that I won't tolerate violence, Gandhi'?
-- Momus (nic...), June 8th, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

no
-- Dave Stelfox (destelfo...), June 8th, 2004.

― de, Tuesday, 8 June 2004 13:54 (twenty-one years ago)

About time for a new thread. Can a mod lock this one, please?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread has been locked by an administrator

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