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The other thread was long, so nu-ilx, nu-start!

S: Are you going out?
Me: I've been out, I cam back ten minutes ago, remember I bought some cheap batteries
S: You didn't tell me you were going out!
Me: Yes I did, I asked if you wanted anything
S: No you didn't, you're mean!
Me: What?

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 16 July 2004 15:42 (twenty years ago)

― dean? (deangulberry), Friday, 16 July 2004 15:45 (twenty years ago)

(12:43:37) m cutt: whats all this about $530 off
(12:44:54) WIZARD IS HUNGRY: hang on
(12:45:14) WIZARD IS HUNGRY: ohhh
(12:45:18) WIZARD IS HUNGRY: its $200 back if i get an ipod too
(12:45:21) WIZARD IS HUNGRY: which makes it worth it
(12:45:25) m cutt: right
(12:45:32) m cutt: but also that deal is with a 17"
(12:45:42) m cutt: you can get it with a 12" but its less munny off
(12:45:56) WIZARD IS HUNGRY: yea
(12:46:04) WIZARD IS HUNGRY: its edu discount + mail in rebate

― ¥¤±²£¢Ð¼æ®ª«¶Þ÷³¹ß½Ø×©§¾¿¥¤±²£¢Ð¼æ®ª«¶Þ÷³¹ß½Ø×©§¾¿¥¤±²£¢Ð¼æ®ª«¶Þ÷³¹ß½Ø×©§¾¿ (ex , Friday, 16 July 2004 15:47 (twenty years ago)

Carpool to work this morning:

Girl: I don't get it.
Me: What?
Girl: Water bottles.
Me: How so?
Girl: You know how you put a half-empty water bottle in the fridge and after awhile it kind of warps?
Me: Yeah.
Girl: Isn't that strange?
Me: It is, yeah.
Girl: I think when I get to work I'm going to look online and find out why that happens?
Me: Cool.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 16 July 2004 16:03 (twenty years ago)

Builder 1: I haven't masturbated for 4 years.
Builder 2: ...

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 16 July 2004 16:31 (twenty years ago)

me: oh wait a sec, seals can't drown can they?
s: Dolphins can
me: stupid dolphins
s: don't say that, dolphins are really clever
me: not if they are drowning all the time

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 16 July 2004 17:04 (twenty years ago)

ha ha i heart jel

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 16 July 2004 17:54 (twenty years ago)

(14:56:15) XXXX: does your comment thingee on myspace play music?

― I CAN LEAD YOU THROUGH THE ZONE (ex machina), Friday, 16 July 2004 17:57 (twenty years ago)

coworker: if you drew a graph the line would go pretty far, pretty hard, pretty fast.
ME: yup, where did you get the ice cream ?

― kephm, Friday, 16 July 2004 18:44 (twenty years ago)

Me: Was there a four-for-a-dollar sale on jet-puffed marshmallow creme or something?
Roommate: Well, yes, actually.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 16 July 2004 21:33 (twenty years ago)

me: Hello?
K: Hello
me: oh hey dude, how's it going?
K: I tried to phone you on your other phone
me: oh, sorry I'm downstairs
K: You still haven't got a new mobile phone have you?
me: no, they are hard to get, they all want you to sign contracts.
K: it can't be that hard to get a pay-as-you-go phone?
me: It is, I've really tried!
K: How many places have you looked in?
me: about 2

― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 17 July 2004 11:50 (twenty years ago)

Man: [inaudible]
The Pet Shop Boys: "I was faced with a choice at a difficult age/ should I write a book, or should I take to the stage..."
Me: Sorry?
Man: Which of these buses goes to Golders Green?
Me: You want the 210, over there. It takes for ever though.
Man: Doesn't everything?

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 19 July 2004 09:59 (twenty years ago)

Me (to a friend): You should clean up your toilet bowl, it's yecchy. Your flatmate's been away for four days, and already this place looks like a bachelor's flat.
The friend: For chrissakes, I've been cleaning up the flat the whole day, I just didn't have the energy to clean up the fucking toilet bowl.
Friend 2: Great, now I'm afraid to even go to the toilet. And I have to sit down, unlike you guys.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 19 July 2004 10:31 (twenty years ago)

three weeks pass...

Mom: OH! When I was talking to Grandma, I was like, "Oh Allison got engaged!"
Me: Uh huh.
Mom: So then she was like, "To who?"
Me: Haha
Mom: So then I was like, "To Tom" and she was like "I don't even know who he is"
Me: Haha
Mom: So then I was like, "The guy, he works for the FBI" so then she was like "What happened to that soldier she was dating?"
Me: Soldier?
Mom: No no so THEN I was like, hmmm...soldiers...air force? So I was like "Yes, that's him, he was in the Air Force but nnow he's not."
Me: Oh haha
Mom: So then you know what? She was like, "Oh. What's his nationality?"
Me: I hope you said he was a Roman.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 03:47 (twenty years ago)

W: So how are you?
Me: Ok. Bit grumpy.
W: Yeah, I got that. Why?
Me: Oh well it was just that M phoned me and said 'what time are you coming home?' and then you phoned me and said 'what time are you going home?' and I just felt like grrr I don't KNOW leave me alone.
W: Yeah... is that all?
Me: Oh and just stupid students all day, really busy you know.
W: (to barmaid) Pint of lager top please.
Barmaid: Stella or Castlemaine?
W: Castlemaine.
Barmaid: Anything else?
Me: Pint of Stella please.
Me: I don't even know what a lager top means.
W: It's like shandy but with..
Me: Oh right with just a little bit of lemonade, I know.
W: Yeah it's a girl's drink but on a hot day...
Me: Mm, I don't like shandy. Too sickly.
W: Yeah this is better, try it.
Me: (having tried it) Hm, no I don't like that even...

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 08:17 (twenty years ago)

Some of these conversations aren't even in the same universe as the word "banal"! They're actually quite riveting! I'd share with you part of an AIM conversation I had with someone who was trying to tell me all about Disney World, since she's a huge Disney World fanatic, right where it's almost winding down, when all I was typing was, "Oh, that's interesting" over and over and over again. But it got lost in the Great Computer Crash of... oh, Today. Now THAT one would put you to sleep.

― Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 08:47 (twenty years ago)

hmmm, you have a point there dee, I guess the remit has widen to cover absurdity as well.

me: the suitcase has gone now
s: how do you know that?
me: it wasn't there when I went past it.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:55 (twenty years ago)

I love jel, and this thread is his zenith.

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:10 (twenty years ago)

M: It's sort of rattling. Does it usually make a noise like that?
Me: Well, it kind of does... not that loud usually.
M: Well, it will sound a bit louder because I've got it out from under the desk.
Me: Right.
M: It's like there's something broken inside it.
[noise from printer]
M: Does it do that?
Me: Well, it does make a noise like that but not exactly... it's not for so long.
M: Ouch.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:18 (twenty years ago)

wow, thanks barry! :)

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:19 (twenty years ago)

Otis: Yes.
Me: Wow, it's being awesome today.
Otis: Yes.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:31 (twenty years ago)

Me: Do you want breakfast?
M: Yeah, what have you got?
Me: Well, you can have a tomato.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:49 (twenty years ago)

friend: u ever use travelocity?
me: yeah
friend: well im trying to book a flight from montreal to new york for my parents
me: ok
friend: but if im booking the flight from here and im in the US and the flight is coming from canada then is the currency shown US or canadian?
me: uhm. are you on the us or the canadian site?
friend: im on travelocity.com
me: so its the us site
friend: it's just travelocity
me: ok. im going to travelocity.ca
friend: ok
me: ok. im gonna book that flihgt
friend: ok
me: ok
me: ok what days?
friend: does that matter?
me: what? oh right. no it doesnt. i'll book any flight.
friend: ok
me: ok - you see here. it's all "C$" so it's canadian $ if there is a c in front.
friend: ok
me: so are there "C"s in front of your price?
friend: no.
me: ok it's US
friend: these flights are expensive.
me: yeah

― Anthony Johnson (Plato Guy), Thursday, 12 August 2004 17:03 (twenty years ago)

M: [having been in an ambulance which got lost] They should get taxi drivers to drive ambulances.
Me: Wha? But taxi drivers are rubbish drivers. Alright, they might know the quickest routes better, but they drive too fast.
M: You can never drive too fast in an ambulance.
Me: You can if it's not an emergency. And it looks really bad if an ambulance knocks down a pedestrian.
M: It'd be handy. Just scrape em up, shove em in.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 13 August 2004 07:40 (twenty years ago)

Me: You can if it's not an emergency. And it looks really bad if an ambulance knocks down a pedestrian.
M: It'd be handy. Just scrape em up, shove em in.

I've often had this exact thought.

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 13 August 2004 08:20 (twenty years ago)

s: They got it wrong!
me: got what wrong?
s: it should be donor anonymity, not multi-faith groups
me: I thought it was donor anonymity too
s: they've put C, but the explanation talks about donor anonymity
me: you ought to write in and complain

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 13 August 2004 15:22 (twenty years ago)

Woman on phone "Blah blah blah blah headaches blah blah blah blah hospital blah blah blah blah blah pain blah blah blah blah blah"
Me: Uh huh.
Woman "Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah my husband blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"
Me: Uh huh.
(Repeat x 20 minutes)

― na (Nick A.), Friday, 13 August 2004 15:33 (twenty years ago)

Most banal overheard conversation:
my co-workers are discussing their favorite sesame street characters, whether snuffalupagus is "mr" or not & if big bird is a boy bird or a girl bird because "he does have a high voice."

― kelsey (kelstarry), Friday, 13 August 2004 18:05 (twenty years ago)

E: Julia Childs died.
Me: Really?
E: Yep.
Me: Oh. That's sort of sad.
E: Well, she was really old.
J: That's okay then.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 13 August 2004 18:13 (twenty years ago)

R: AC/DC are cool
Me: They're okay
R: They've got some great songs
Me: Name some
R: Bat out of hell
Me: That's Meatloaf!!!!
R: oh yeah

― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 14 August 2004 15:23 (twenty years ago)

Ally and Tom are engaged? I must have missed that. Congrats you guys!

― Kim (Kim), Sunday, 15 August 2004 22:32 (twenty years ago)

two months pass...

Me: It's the weekend this weekend
Mum: What weekend?
Me: This weekend!

― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 30 October 2004 15:03 (twenty years ago)

Guy on phone: Hi, I'm calling from the Kerry For President campaign, have you voted yet?
Me: No, not yet. I like to drop my ballot off on Election Day.
Guy: Oh, well, then I don't need to tell you that you need to get your ballot in the mail by Thursday for it to arrive in time to be counted.
Me: Nope.
Guy: May I ask if you're planning to vote for Sen. Kerry?
Me: Oh yes, absolutely.
Guy: Well, great. I'm sure I don't need to remind you that this is perhaps the most important election in our lifetime, and that every vote matters. If you'd like I can arrange for someone to pick your ballot up...
Me: No, no, that's OK.
Guy: All right, well, thank you very much!
Me: Thank you too.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Saturday, 30 October 2004 18:44 (twenty years ago)

two months pass...

Christmas:

me: I nearly put the teapot in the fridge
mum: dad put the teapot in the fridge?
me: no, I nearly did
mum: oh

gran: you've got a pleasent face
me: thanks gran
gran: a pleasent face but not a handsome one
everyone else: hahaha

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 30 December 2004 20:01 (twenty years ago)

Crazy coworker: Do you like Milk Duds?
Me: Um, they're OK.
CC: Because there are some in the kitchen.
Me: Oh, nice.
CC: I think you're the only one with teeth strong enough to eat them.
Me: Uh huh.
CC: See, my kids gave me a DVD player for Christmas, and a big bucket of popcorn and a big thing of Milk Duds. You know, for when I watch movies. But I can't eat the Milk Duds so I brought them in for everyone.
Me: Thank you.
CC: OK!

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 30 December 2004 20:06 (twenty years ago)

Me: I always feel like this Starbucks is much more poorly managed than others
Girlfriend: Really?
Me: Yeah, the coffee is not usually fresh, and the staff always seem a little loopy, and it's not very clean
Girlfriend: Oh, this Starbucks. I thought you said Starbucks in general.
Me: No, most Starbucks are usually very well managed.

― Hurting (Hurting), Friday, 31 December 2004 04:18 (twenty years ago)

God, reading that now I'm actually afraid my girlfriend might leave me.

― Hurting (Hurting), Friday, 31 December 2004 04:23 (twenty years ago)

(walking up stairs, as annoying first floor neighbor opens door)
Him: Is that M___?
Me: (turn around) What's up?
Him: Hey, uhhh, are you gonna be around this weekend?
Me: Mmm, I should be...
Him: Yeah, I was wondering if I could borrow your phone?
Me: Yeah, um... (soaking in the irony of this request; when I first moved in I couldn't get a phone hooked up for 2 and half weeks due to his and the phone company's stupidity)
Him: I'm getting internet service hooked up and I need to be on the phone with them while they do it, but the internet connection will be tying up my phone line.
Me: Right. I don't have a cellphone though...
Him: (scrunching his face, interrupting) Hm, I don't know if the line could reach all the way down here.
Me: ...but it's a cordless, so...
Him: Could you get reception down here?
Me: I don't know, I think so. I've used it outside on the roof.
Him: Oh, that might work then. I just need it for an hour or so, and it's a local call so it won't cost you anything.
Me: I should warn you though, the battery on it only lasts for 25 min. Then it has to go back on the cradle to recharge.
Him: Hmm, maybe I can do it within that amount of time. I'll let you know at some point when I need it. Thanks.
Me: Ok (starts thinking of where to go for New Years weekend so as to avoid any further interaction)

― contribute, Friday, 31 December 2004 04:56 (twenty years ago)

two months pass...

me: this magazine always smells like doughnuts
s: really?
me: yeah
s: okay, I'll smell it later
me: you should

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 18:40 (twenty years ago)

Aw! This thread is so old-skool. I love it.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 16 March 2005 20:35 (twenty years ago)

R: She said she could lift twice the weight of that overhead projector. So that's... 5 kilos, no 10 kilos.
J: 10 kilos???
R: Maybe it's 10 pounds.
Me: But that's MORE. Oh wait, no it's not.
J: I only found out recently that an American gallon is not the same as a British gallon.
Me: Me too! I only found that out like the other day... was it on the radio or something?
R: Is that why petrol is cheaper there?
J: No.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 17 March 2005 09:56 (twenty years ago)

This thread is great isn't it? And pretty much what I imagine the inside of jel's head is like. In a good way.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 17 March 2005 10:00 (twenty years ago)

me: Is there a shop around here?
him: Yes, it's about 5 mintues down the road
me: cool
him: You'll have to run though
me: why's that?
him: because otherwise it's 10 minutes.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 17 March 2005 10:03 (twenty years ago)

A Is the stand alone back yet? Or is that a stupid question?

M HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

A I think that answers it sufficently, thank you.

M APPARENTLY THERE WERE 4 GIGS WORTH OF PHOTOS ON IT!

A Oh my god, I do hope F*** saved them somewhere, V has been looking for those photos!!!!!!

A Is that why the stupid thing was so slow?

M quite possibly. constipated is the technical term.

M yes he is saving them. are they ALL of shoes?

A Oh come on, they're not of shoes. Are they???

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Thursday, 17 March 2005 10:08 (twenty years ago)

haha ste that funny

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Thursday, 17 March 2005 10:11 (twenty years ago)

c: my tongue is pretty swollen
c: do you have a sore throat or anything?
$: hmmm, no
$: i might have a few days ago...
$: is it infected?
c: well i'm worried that it's strep throat, but i don't really have any other symptoms other than a little sore throat
c: i could have some kind of tongue infection brought on by 40s or yogurt
c: i took some ibuprofen at 3:30 and i think it went down a little
$: hmm, I think I had a bit of a sore throat a few days ago, but it went away
c: i'm pretty sure i don't have strep throat anyway
c: i might have down's syndrome though
$: you just need to go swimming more

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Thursday, 17 March 2005 12:46 (twenty years ago)

Me : where's Fred? (fred is one of the cats)
Daughter : Outside
Me : Are you sure?
D : He could be outside
Me : Not inside?
D : He could be.
Me : I wondered if he was shut in somewhere. Your bedroom maybe?
D : He could be.

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 17 March 2005 13:30 (twenty years ago)

Our singer : You know that bit in the new song when you change sound to that 'New Order' sort of sound?
Me : yes.
S : Are you actually going to do that?
Me : when?
S when we do it?
Me: probably
S : you should.
Me : Ok I will then.

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 17 March 2005 13:44 (twenty years ago)

Me : what's that last note?
Bass player : G
Me : I thought it was A
Bass : No it's G.
Me : right.

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 17 March 2005 13:45 (twenty years ago)

Canteen lady : the start of March was the coldest since....for ages and the end of March is going to be the warmest for ages.
Me: Is that right? Good!
CL : I like it a bit warmer, don't you?
Me (faux-enthusiastically) : Yes!
CL : Cheers you up, doesn't it?
Me (heartfelt): Yes, it certainly does!

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 17 March 2005 13:52 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 36 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Guy I: "Where did he go?"
Guy II: "To the copier. [Girl I] is already there taking copies."
Me: "Ah. Maybe they're having a romantic encounter..."
Girl II: "At the copier?"'
Me: "Yeah, why not? I've had a romantic encounter at the copier."
Guy I: "With the copier?"
Me: "No, with a human being!"
Girl I: "Oh no..."
Me: "But maybe I won't tell you any more about it."
Girl I: "Thank god!"
Me: "You know, you're just bunch of cynics who dont't care about romance!"
Guy I: "Yeah."

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 19 September 2005 14:36 (nineteen years ago)

how can 'Girl I' be at the copier and then suddenly join in the conversation knowing what you were talking about. i'm confused.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Monday, 19 September 2005 14:40 (nineteen years ago)

(confused & picky)

― Ste (Fuzzy), Monday, 19 September 2005 14:40 (nineteen years ago)

Whoops, sorry, it's Girl II making all the comments. Girl I is absent for the whole scene.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 19 September 2005 14:43 (nineteen years ago)

Guy II: "Even though he's such a monkey, he's good with numbers."
Me: "But monkeys are good with numbers!"
Guy I: "Er..."
Me: "Or was it whales?"
Girl II: "I don't think so."
Me: "No, whales are good with aesthetics."

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 19 September 2005 14:46 (nineteen years ago)

Girl I: Hey, give me some sweets.
Girl II [offers the sweets]: Here.
Girl I: No, there's too little of them, I can't take any from you. You should've thought of the rest of us and bought enough of them.
Girl II: I don't want to buy too much of sweets, everytime you go to a sweets store you're tempted to buy too much of them, and then you'll feel sick after eating all of them.
Girl I: Pfft!
Guy I: You can have some of mine.
Girl I: Thanks.
[Guy I offers me his sweets.]
Me: Thanks.
Guy I: I'm offering to all of you, except you [points at Girl III], because you're going for lunch.
Girl III: Hey, that's not fair!
Girl I: No sweets before the main course!
Me: Yeah, you'll ruin your appetite.
Guy I: Didn't your mama teach you?
[Girl III looks shocked.]
Me: When you were kids, did you think that adults don't eat sweets at all? Maybe some at Christmas, but not much more.
Guy I: No, I thought adults eat more sweets because they have no regulations.
Girl II: My mom never liked sweets and neither did me.
Me: I thought sweets just wasn't a part of adult life. Boy was I wrong.
Girl III: I'm going for lunch now. Bye!
Me: Bye!
Girl III: I'm saying bye to all of you, except you [points at Guy I], because you're mean!
Guy I: Whatever.

[Later...]

Girl I: Great, now I have to go and buy some sweets too. It's all your fault! [Points at Guy I and Girl II.]
Me: No, it's not. Get some willpower!
Girl I: Pfft!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 20 September 2005 09:15 (nineteen years ago)

Nick: Zen master needs no pants!
Me: ah but they are zen pants
Me: they are only there, when there is a need for there to be pants
Nick: Like a rugby game?
Me: um...

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 20 September 2005 09:33 (nineteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

[At the breakfast table]

Her: Here's a slice of bread for you.
Me: Thanks.
Her: I'm sorry, but I don't have any tomato or cucumber top put on top of it.
Me: Oh dear. You've lured me here with your siren's call and with your promises of tomato and cucumber, and this is what I get?
Her: Yeah.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 9 October 2005 13:17 (nineteen years ago)

My Nephew: What are you doing?
Me: Watering the garden.
My Nephew: Why?
Me: Because it's dry.
My Nephew: Why?
Me: Because it hasn't rained in a long time.
My Nephew: Why?
Me: Because that's the way the weather's been.
My Nephew: Why?
Me: I don't know why. Something to do with pressure systems, I don't really understand weather.
My Nephew: Why?
Me: Because I never studied it.
My Nephew: Why?
(threats of dousing)

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Sunday, 9 October 2005 15:00 (nineteen years ago)

a: are you going to the bar after work?
j: probably not
a: why?
j: because
a: because why?
j: because i was up really late last night
a: why?
j: writing
a: it's raining out
j: that's another reason
a: don't you have an umbrella
j: no, my last umbrella broke in the middle of a downpour and i got so angry i beat it to death against the wall of a supermarket

― strng hlkngtn: what does it mean? (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 9 October 2005 16:38 (nineteen years ago)

(on AIM)

V: I FOUND A SONG FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111
V: 0849. Baby Bird - [The Happiest Man Alive #17] You'll Get A Slap [3:15]
me: hehehehe
me: more songs about kinky sex, bondage, bdsm etc plz :-)
V: haha
V: I am sure Momus has loads
me: hahaha probably
me: i want to post this exchange on ILX now :-)
V: DO IT
V: DODODODODODODO
me: nah
V: bah

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Sunday, 9 October 2005 18:35 (nineteen years ago)

two months pass...

Her: It doesn't feel like it's only two days until Christmas.
Me: Three.
Her: Yeah, three. Anyway, Christmas doesn't matter anymore the way it used to. I don't much care about it.
Me: Do you hate Christmas then?
Her: Um...
Me: And that means you hate baby Jesus too!
Her: Er..
Me: What has baby Jesus done to you to deserve such a hate?! He's juts lying there in the hay!
Her: I dunno...

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 22 December 2005 18:22 (nineteen years ago)

two months pass...

Slightly edited:

cws: the thing that is most surprising here [in Prague] is that
me: they don't speak english?
cws: their cucumbers are fantastic.
me: really!
me: i love cucumbers.
cws: no everybody speaks english.
me: yeah
me: same here in chicago.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 3 March 2006 20:26 (nineteen years ago)

one month passes...

Him: "I heard Morrissey's new album was named after a porn flick."
Her: "Eugh, I didn't want to know that, that's awful!"
Him: "Yeah, but it was a gay porn flick."
Her: "That's even worse."
Me: "How is worse?"
Her: "Well..."
Me: "At least gay porn doesn't repress women!"
Her: "Yeah it does!"
Me: "Er, care to tell me how?"
Her: "Women are left out of it!"

[General laughter.]

Me: "May I quote you on that?"

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 12 April 2006 08:10 (nineteen years ago)

Me: We ran a story about eight months ago that Mariah Carey was looking for a house round here.
Jess: That would be brilliant! Can you imagine her trotting along Brick Lane with her huge bossoms.
Me: And being endearingly mad and you see her in the corner shop buying prawns or something random.
Jess: In her nightie. Singing.
Me: It would be fabulous.

― Anna (Anna), Wednesday, 12 April 2006 08:31 (nineteen years ago)

W: you can't put cardboard in them.
G: yes you can, I put cardboard in mine all the time.
W: well we can't put cardboard or envelopes in ours.
G: we can't put cans in ours.
W: no, neither can we.
G: up H's way they can still put cans in theirs.
W: really?
G: yes, but not bottles.
W: same here.
(goes on forever)

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Wednesday, 12 April 2006 08:52 (nineteen years ago)

Haha I have had that recycling conversation a disturbing number of times.

A: Rachel's gone to the library.
R (not me): no she hasn't, look.
Me: no, I'm back.
A: oh was it closed then?
Me: no. I was just quick.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 12 April 2006 08:54 (nineteen years ago)

yes, had that conversation many a time.

ha xpost

― Ste (Fuzzy), Wednesday, 12 April 2006 08:54 (nineteen years ago)

M: oh the flowers are droopy, they need water.
Me: mm. But it rained yesterday.
M: they're still droopy.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 12 April 2006 08:55 (nineteen years ago)

me: what would you like for dinner?
j: i dunno.
me: is there anything in the house?
j: not really, no.
me: i'll just get frozen perogies then.
j: yes! and bacon.

― derrick (derrick), Wednesday, 12 April 2006 09:18 (nineteen years ago)

I recognise that recycling conversation too.

― Anna (Anna), Wednesday, 12 April 2006 10:00 (nineteen years ago)

I must have it with my flatmates soon.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 12 April 2006 10:18 (nineteen years ago)

Conversation with my mum, mum is flicking through a catalogue:
Mum: That’s very cheap! (pointing to picture of the microwave I had just got her as a present)
Me (embarrassed): Yes, I didn’t have a lot of money…….
Mum (interrupting): And there I am paying £x a month for mine….
Me: ?????
…….dawning comprehension……..
Me: That’s not a TV!
Mum: Oh!

― indolent girl (indolent girl), Wednesday, 12 April 2006 11:23 (nineteen years ago)

She didn't have her glasses on.

― indolent girl (indolent girl), Wednesday, 12 April 2006 11:41 (nineteen years ago)

five months pass...

Schoolmate: Are you okay?
Me: Huh?
Schoolmate: I dunno...you walked by me yesterday, and you looked kinda spaced-out.
Me: Really? I don't remember seeing you. When was that?
Schoolmate: Last night, down by AMS. You seemed pretty out of it.
Me: Hm...I must've been really tired.
Schoolmate: Oh.
---
Me: Did you do the German homework yet?
Roommate: Yeah. Did you?
Me: I'm working on it now. I still have to do the dialogue.
Roommate: What's that?
Me: Um...it's on page 63. I guess we have to write a short dialogue about Regensberg.
Roommate: [pause] Ah, I didn't do that. I always look at the wrong date on the syllabus. I think I did tomorrow's homework by accident.
Me: That sucks.
Roommate: Yup.
---
Me: Is it ok if I turn off the light?
Roommate: Yeah, go ahead.
---
Me: Sorry I didn't make it to work the past two days. I'm still not used to getting up at 8am all the time.
Boss: That's ok. But next time I want you to give me a day's notice if you're not able to work your shift.
Me: Alright.
Boss: So how was your weekend? Did your parents come and visit you?
Me: Yeah, etc.

― Ding-a-Ling (King-a-Ling), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 02:13 (eighteen years ago)

one month passes...

S: I don't want another one of those toffee cakes
Me: Okay, it's because I didn't like the apple tart yesterday isn't it?
(silence)

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 17 November 2006 18:04 (eighteen years ago)

one year passes...

Stop sign, Roxbury Drive

Midlife crisis man: I guess dinner is out of the question?
me: What makes you think that?
Mcm: Dinner tonight?
me: I like your Ferrari.
Mcm: I guess dinner tonight is out of the question?
me (pointing at red convertible): Isn't that what that's for?
Mcm: I guess dinner tonight is out of the question?
me: Where do you want to go?
Mcm: Las Vegas?
me: Joël Robuchon.
traffic light: changes

― felicity, Wednesday, 12 March 2008 19:37 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/82112002@N00/1016894609/

― robertwolf8080, Wednesday, 12 March 2008 19:46 (seventeen years ago)

I have waited for stop signs to change before.

― felicity, Wednesday, 12 March 2008 19:49 (seventeen years ago)

And have they?

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 12 March 2008 19:50 (seventeen years ago)

They never do.

― felicity, Wednesday, 12 March 2008 19:51 (seventeen years ago)

"Well, the piano bar was quite evident."

Also,

"What are you going to do about this warrant out for your arrest?"

― Pleasant Plains, Wednesday, 12 March 2008 19:55 (seventeen years ago)

i thought this was the new chicago thread

― chaki, Wednesday, 12 March 2008 20:01 (seventeen years ago)

7/10

― Pleasant Plains, Wednesday, 12 March 2008 20:03 (seventeen years ago)

B-

― felicity, Wednesday, 12 March 2008 23:11 (seventeen years ago)

Wait so dude basically pulled up to you in a Ferrari to reject himself?

― Hurting 2, Thursday, 13 March 2008 00:15 (seventeen years ago)

Maybe I cut him off or something.

― felicity, Thursday, 13 March 2008 00:16 (seventeen years ago)

Maybe, but "I guess dinner is out of the question?" is kind of an odd line. Was there a context that you left out or was that his opener?

― Hurting 2, Thursday, 13 March 2008 00:20 (seventeen years ago)

"Hi. I'm Steve. I guess you probably don't want me to buy you a drink."

― Hurting 2, Thursday, 13 March 2008 00:22 (seventeen years ago)

maybe you missed "I don't suppose" or something?

― Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Thursday, 13 March 2008 00:23 (seventeen years ago)

We're supposed to post them, not have them.

― felicity, Thursday, 13 March 2008 00:23 (seventeen years ago)

Me to my wife: "So I was pulling into this parking space in front of the building, and a car was kind of blocking the other side of the road, and a guy in a Jeep comes behind me and gets way too close, even though I'm obviously signaling. And he starts honking. So I rolled down my window and gave him a look, and he screams 'HEY YOU'RE STOPPING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING ROAD DUDE!' and so I said 'YEAH DUDE THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU PARK DUDE!' And he drove off."

Wife: ...

― Hurting 2, Thursday, 13 March 2008 00:27 (seventeen years ago)

i bet that "..." is a real funny look

― elan, Thursday, 13 March 2008 01:08 (seventeen years ago)

one month passes...

Temp: Hello James
Me: Hello! Having traumas with the photocopier today
Temp: No, it's okay today
Me: Cool, okay see ya later
Temp: see ya

Then I sorta walked round in a circle before leaving the room. Strange.

― jel --, Thursday, 24 April 2008 19:47 (seventeen years ago)

(by Jersey City PATH stop)
Man: Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to Penn Station?
Me: New York Penn Station?
Man: No, New Jersey Penn Station.
Me: Oh, you need to get on the PATH train that says "Newark"
Man: No but I mean how do I get there.
Me: You need to take the PATH
Man: How far is it? Can I walk?
Me: About 10 miles, if you want to walk down Route 1/9.
Man: Oh, so where is it?
Me: It's in Newark.
Man: Where am I?
Me: Jersey City
Man: Oh, because the lady told me to get off here.
Me: Well, she must have been a bit confused.

― Hurting 2, Thursday, 1 May 2008 01:18 (seventeen years ago)

six years pass...

me: I bought something, but I didn't get my ticket validated.
Parking lot attendant: Sorry, you need the sticker.
me; That's okay. (hands over eight dollars)
PLA: Thank you. Have a great day.
me: Thanks. You too.

― felicity, Sunday, 22 February 2015 09:28 (ten years ago)

me: hi I put this book on order in the library system, it was in French so I took it out a min later but the charge for the order is still on the system.
Librarian: so the charge is still on the system
me: ...ok, but there was no admin, can we get it off.
librarian: no its not off its still on the system
me: no no...can you click the link in my account and I can show what I've done
librarian: I can't delete this off as the book hasn't arrived yet
me: it won't because i took it off but the charge for this is on the system
librarian: the charge is on the system
me: er, I'll come back later

― xyzzzz__, Sunday, 22 February 2015 11:04 (ten years ago)

six years pass...

Bump

Not had any truly banal conversations lately, or maybe just not internally flagging them for sharing

― jel--, Friday, 7 January 2022 13:21 (three years ago)

Sorry, that was a pretty banal bump

― jel--, Friday, 7 January 2022 13:24 (three years ago)

I miss my old banal convos with my work colleague. Working from home limits banal conversation opportunity.

― jel--, Friday, 7 January 2022 13:25 (three years ago)

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Share Your Most Banal Conversations With The World! - Volume 2