How will YOU be celebrating the marriage of our Prince to his beloved Camilla?

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Will you be cracking open the champagne with a few friends? Celebratory dinner out with your nearest and dearest? Down the pub watching it on telly and cheering the happy couple on? How will YOU be spending the day?

― Susanna Perkins, Tuesday, 5 April 2005 14:56 (twenty years ago)

Hi! Do you work for the press?

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:00 (twenty years ago)

I'll be knocking one off.

― Masked Gazza, Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:02 (twenty years ago)

The Camille Album
Fall 1986

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Now that the Black album has been officially released, Camille is arguably the best-known unreleased Prince album. True, seven out of its eight tracks have seen official release, but unless you're hip to Camille's original track listing, you may never fully appreciate the wonderful, coherent album that's scattered throughout your collection.
The Camille tracks were recorded after the Dream Factory sessions had been abandoned and the Crystal Ball project had begun. Six new tracks were produced, 1983's Feel U Up was rerecorded, and Strange Relationship was rebuilt from what sound like basic tracks from the 1985 recording.

The plan for Camille's release was similar to the one for the Black Album: take a bunch of funky tracks, release them without identifying them as "Prince" songs, and see what the public makes of it. The album contained a number of tunes that have gone on to be fan's favorites, all distinguished by the speeded-up voice Prince started experimenting with on Love or Money. The album was credited to "Camille," 100 test pressings were created, and it was given a catalog number and release date (January 1987).

The plan for the cover art is unknown; the album was presumably titled simply Camille. The album was withdrawn from Warner's release schedule, and Prince quickly began incorporating pieces of it into his Crystal Ball project. Camille tracks continued to be called into service on miscellaneous releases through 1989. Rockhard in a Funky Place finally became available with the belated release of the Black Album. The only track that remains unreleased is Rebirth of the Flesh- its hook was used in Diamonds and Pearls' Walk Don't Walk, so it's unlikely that it will ever come out.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Camille tracks
Rebirth of the Flesh a.k.a. Sooly-a-colia a.k.a. New Funky Cool
Housequake
Strange Relationship
Feel U Up
Shockadelica
Good Love
If I was Your Girlfriend
Rockhard In A Funky Place

― charleston charge (chaki), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:02 (twenty years ago)

I think the wedding is off, so that Chuck can attend the Pope's funeral.

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:02 (twenty years ago)

Throwing up. Were Charles human, he’d do the same everytime he kisses her.

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:03 (twenty years ago)

No I don't, Markelby! I work as a buyer at a biochemicals export company!

― Susanna Perkins, Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:03 (twenty years ago)

Hi! Do you work as a buyer at a biochemicals export company?

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:04 (twenty years ago)

Ooh, knocking one off sounds good. Shall we organise a mass-turbate? A royal wanking, if you will?

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:04 (twenty years ago)

Throwing up. Were Charles human, he’d do the same everytime he kisses her.

Now that was very sexist, Raymond! I don't think Camilla is bad-looking for her age! She's certainly no worse than the Prince!

― Susanna Perkins, Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:06 (twenty years ago)

I might go along to Windsor, check out the vibes. See if I can't bag me a souvenir mug.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:06 (twenty years ago)

xxpost
Sure. I had to postpone it for saturday. On friday i now have other plans. I'll be watching teh pope's funeral and knocking one off.

― Masked Gazza, Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:07 (twenty years ago)

I'm going along to throw rice at them - tinned rice that is, BOOM! BOOM!

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:08 (twenty years ago)

tim rice that is

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:08 (twenty years ago)

Is Camilla having a hen night? Wondering round the streets banging pots and pans and snogging 19 year old lads? Or is that more Charles' style?

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:12 (twenty years ago)

.. and will she be wearing an "L" plate, like Deirdre Barlow-to-be?

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:13 (twenty years ago)

The "L" Word

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:14 (twenty years ago)

Susanna, she was gross back in the 1980s, too! This has nothing to do with sexism or ageism – Bea Arthur make a MUCH better kissing fantasy (she’s somehow always been sorta hot to me, and I’m 28).

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:42 (twenty years ago)

I was going to make almost exactly the same type of comment as Chaki.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 15:52 (twenty years ago)

I shall insert a tampon.

― god why am I actually going to hit submit on this one? (luna.c), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 16:43 (twenty years ago)

I wonder if people will be selling commemorative plates or tea towels, that would be so scary that it might be kind of awesome.

― Leon Bluth (Ex Leon), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 16:47 (twenty years ago)

of course they have, they now all have the incorrect date on them.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 16:48 (twenty years ago)

Even better.

― Leon Bluth (Ex Leon), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 16:50 (twenty years ago)

the biggest seller has been a £9.99 plastic replica of the wedding ring from Wal-Mart's Asda subsidiary.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 16:51 (twenty years ago)

i am going to xXx out di and draw camilla onto all my old 1982 commemorative plates w.magick marker

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 17:03 (twenty years ago)

I think Ice Cube should conduct the wedding

― Sven Basted (blueski), Tuesday, 5 April 2005 17:56 (twenty years ago)

Why, Miss Perkins, I shall be cracking open my best Bollinger with the aid of the hapless heads of some of those so-called Asylum Seekers, who as we all know are Pedophile perverts sent to destroy this great country of ours as we know it, in glorious celebration of the union of our King In Waiting with the Lady Love of his life, whom he should certainly have been allowed to marry instead of that subversive, but thankfully now dead, nasty little left-wing below-stairs specimen Diana Spencer. I shall cheer on the happy couple for Great Britain, the country I know where youths respect the law and their elders and betters and are not above receiving a well-merited and timely clip round the ear from their local "bobby" when they dare to indulge in errant activity. God Save Our Majesty! Hip! Hip! Hurrah!

― Roger Bristol (nostudium), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 05:50 (twenty years ago)

pot noodle, wank.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 09:51 (twenty years ago)

With Sex. Poss.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 09:52 (twenty years ago)

I think Steve Beresford or Terry Day should conduct the wedding.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 09:55 (twenty years ago)

I'll be enacting amateur dramatics with the local Unemployed Actors Guild. Here's the script (Camilla is played by Bill Beverly, an unemployed slate mine worker, Charles by Stanley Porker, a retired pig farmer):

Camilla: Mmmm. You're awfully good feeling your way along.
Charles: Oh Stop! I want to feel my way along you, all over you and up and down you and in and out...
Camilla: Oh!
Charles: Particularly in and out!
Camilla: Oh. that's just what I need at the moment.
Charles: Is it?
Camilla: I know it would revive me. I can't bear a Sunday night without you.
Charles: Oh, God.
Camilla: It's like that programme Start the Week. I can't start the week without you.
Charles: I fill up your tank!
Camilla: Yes, you do
Charles: Then you can cope.
Camilla: Then I'm all right
Charles: What about me? The trouble is I need you several times a week.
Camilla: Mmmm, so do I. I need you all the week. All the time.
Charles: Oh. God. I'll just live inside your trousers or something. It would be much easier!
Camilla: (laughing) What are you going to turn into, a pair of knickers?
(Both laugh)
Camilla: Oh, You're going to come back as a pair of knickers.
Charles: Or, God forbid a Tampax. Just my luck! (Laughs)
Camilla: You are a complete idiot (Laughs) Oh, what a wonderful idea.
Charles: My luck to be chucked down the lavatory and go on and on forever swirling round on the top, never going down.
Camilla: (Laughing) Oh, Darling!
Charles: Until the next one comes through.
Camilla: Oh, perhaps you could come back as a box.
Charles: What sort of box?
Camilla: A box of Tampax, so you could just keep going.
Charles: That's true.
Camilla: Repeating yourself...(Laughing) Oh, darling I just want you now.
Charles: Do You?
Camilla: Mmmmm
Charles: So do I!
Camilla: Bye, Press the button.
Charles: Going to press the tit.
Camilla: All right darling, I wish you were pressing mine.
Charles: God, I wish I was, harder and harder.
Camilla: Oh, darling.
Charles: Night.
Camilla: Night.
Charles: Love you.
Camilla: (Yawning) Love you. Press the tit.
Charles: Adore you. Night.
Camilla: Night.
Charles: Night.
Camilla: (Blows a kiss)
Charles: Night.
Camilla: G'night my darling, Love you.

(Curtain, an unemployed deer stalker called Morgan Morgan.)

― Momus (Momus), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 09:59 (twenty years ago)

(Additional dialogue by Noel Coward, an unemployed Jamaican.)

― Momus (Momus), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 10:01 (twenty years ago)

No role for Bloody People then?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 10:04 (twenty years ago)

People will look back and wonder how the fuck that didn't do for the Monarchy.

― Dave B (daveb), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 10:05 (twenty years ago)

Then they remembered the alternative.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 10:08 (twenty years ago)

they're not having prince rainier's funeral on saturday are they?

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 11:03 (twenty years ago)

That would be fantastic.

― Dave B (daveb), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 11:04 (twenty years ago)

I shall celebrate by working as hard as possible, so I can get the fuck out of this stupid country before I'm 50. Fuck a royal and fuck a tabloid editor.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 11:07 (twenty years ago)

Now I can take a joke and everything, and I know you don't all mean what you say, but... you're all being rather grim about things, aren't you? The Prince works jolly hard for all of us, and I think it's marvellous that he's going to marry the woman he loves! Couldn't we all just put the cynicism and the sarcasm to one side just for a day, and raise a toast to the Prince and his bride? I know that's what I'll be doing!

― Susanna Perkins, Wednesday, 6 April 2005 11:14 (twenty years ago)

The Prince works jolly hard for all of us

You joke, surely?

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 11:15 (twenty years ago)

I've never seen such a grimly chipper troll!

― Momus (Momus), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 11:17 (twenty years ago)

Naming him charles was a good forthough on the part of her maj. Named after the frst king who brought on a republic. Off with his head.

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 11:17 (twenty years ago)

Just hush and find us a Dutchman.

― We Are All Full Of Kate (kate), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 11:19 (twenty years ago)

I know you don't mean it Ed!!!

― Susanna Perkins, Wednesday, 6 April 2005 11:19 (twenty years ago)

To be honest, I don't wish the man ill at all. I mean, anyone who does such whimsical dirty phonecalls must be okay. You can tell he's a Buddhist at heart from this bit:

"My luck to be chucked down the lavatory and go on and on forever swirling round on the top, never going down."

When he says "my luck" he means "my karma", of course. And he's wrong about never going down, he'll go down soon enough.

― Momus (Momus), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 11:21 (twenty years ago)

I'm a monarchist and I find this vaguely embarrassing/hillarious.

― We Are All Full Of Kate (kate), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 11:24 (twenty years ago)

should be "*even* I"

― We Are All Full Of Kate (kate), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 11:24 (twenty years ago)

I think that if, for whatever reason, the British taxpayer ceased to fund him, Charles could open a sexy chatline (all calls charged at 88p/min., consult bill-payer) or an architectural consultancy (Monstrous Carbuncle Services, Ltd.).

(In fact, if there's one thing that annoys me about Price Charles and the monarchy in general, it's that he runs up big bills without consulting the bill-payer.)

― Momus (Momus), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 11:27 (twenty years ago)

Perhaps they should run the Grand National at the same time and in the same place as the wedding. Then we could all be privy to the horse-faced privileged Nazi cunts being trampled to their premature death beneath the hounding hooves of cold rationalism.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 11:34 (twenty years ago)

I don't like monarchists either. You love the 16th century so much, go and fucking live there.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 6 April 2005 11:36 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 66 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I was going to ask. How exciting was the Pope's funeral? And how on earth can they show "highlights" at 7:30 tonight? Er, highlights? (a) He's buried. (b) Erm, that's it. It will fare badly against Ken and Deirdre which is the WEDDING WE'RE ACTUALLY ALL EXCITED ABOUT

(note use of "we're actually all excited" does not necessarily imply that anyone here is remotely excited about Ken and Deirdre getting hitched again)

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 8 April 2005 12:04 (twenty years ago)

Don't worry, Dadrock! It will be wonderful and exciting!

― Susanna Perkins, Friday, 8 April 2005 12:06 (twenty years ago)

Listen girlfriend, don't move in on my territory again, d'hear? I'm the mimsy one on this board. And people here have grown very fond of me.

― Plunging Hen, Friday, 8 April 2005 12:07 (twenty years ago)

What is this "Dadrock"? Is this like Chris de Burgh or other modern music to which Charles and Camilla doubtless listen in their blue boudoir after a hard day's harvesting?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 8 April 2005 12:08 (twenty years ago)

I'm sure I'm not the only one here already feeling a faint tingle of excitement!

How sure?

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 8 April 2005 12:09 (twenty years ago)

Marcello, you ain't down with the Ocean Colour Scene scene?

― Dadrock, Meshach and Abednego (Dada), Friday, 8 April 2005 12:10 (twenty years ago)

"The Day We Caught The Train" sounds exactly like Chris de Burgh!

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 8 April 2005 12:11 (twenty years ago)

Praise rarely comes higher

― Dadrock, Meshach and Abednego (Dada), Friday, 8 April 2005 12:15 (twenty years ago)

You'll adore the upcoming Chris Evans School Disco 2CD compilation...

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 8 April 2005 12:16 (twenty years ago)

John Travolta is a (very good looking) pilot.

― Plunging Hen, Friday, 8 April 2005 12:17 (twenty years ago)

http://galleries.news24.com/daily/20031016/images/14.jpg

Forced at gunpoint, which one would you choose?

― Jean-François Lyotard, Friday, 8 April 2005 12:17 (twenty years ago)

Exactly, when you put Camilla alongside Diana like that she doesn't look that bad

― Dadrock, Meshach and Abednego (Dada), Friday, 8 April 2005 12:20 (twenty years ago)

I imagine that's probably what Diana looks like now, poor auld soul.

I find Camilla hot in a perversely sub-Gabrielle Drake kind of a way.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 8 April 2005 12:22 (twenty years ago)

Only a pig would say such a thing.

― Plunging Hen, Friday, 8 April 2005 12:25 (twenty years ago)

KISS ME

http://img.blesk.cz/blesk/imgdb/original/phpb77gdf.jpg

― Jean-François Lyotard, Friday, 8 April 2005 12:30 (twenty years ago)

I'll wait until she's finished sucking.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 8 April 2005 12:31 (twenty years ago)

I think you're all being terribly cruel. That photo onviously caught Camilla while she was eating, and none of us look good like that, do we? Now here's a nice picture of Camilla, I think she's a smashing-looking woman!

http://hoelle.spit.at/hpromis/6/1062453561.25506.jpg

― Susanna Perkins, Friday, 8 April 2005 12:34 (twenty years ago)

Are you sure you're not mixing up Camilla with his Late Holiness, Pope John Paul II?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 8 April 2005 12:35 (twenty years ago)

Three sentences, one query, one exclamation. Getting slightly better and less over-the-top.

― caitlin (caitlin), Friday, 8 April 2005 12:38 (twenty years ago)

Thank you!

― Susanna Perkins, Friday, 8 April 2005 12:42 (twenty years ago)

We've all been on form today, haven't we. No one has the edge. Marcello might well have lost some face when he made his semen passback allusion upthread, but his overall record is strong enough to withstand occasional wit-blibs. Come on, why not all of us walk away? Postmodernism isn't all it's cracked up to be. Freedom is a heart thing.

― Plunging Hen, Friday, 8 April 2005 13:01 (twenty years ago)

har hear, less post modernism, more modernism, more socialism and more republicanism

― Ed (dali), Friday, 8 April 2005 13:03 (twenty years ago)

And more cake too.

― caitlin (caitlin), Friday, 8 April 2005 13:19 (twenty years ago)

Do you want some of my cake? We got tons of cake here.

― Adherents of the Repeated Kate (kate), Friday, 8 April 2005 13:20 (twenty years ago)

Not if it's purple

(like your prose)

― caitlin (caitlin), Friday, 8 April 2005 13:20 (twenty years ago)

My cake is cappucino!

― Adherents of the Repeated Kate (kate), Friday, 8 April 2005 13:23 (twenty years ago)

Fine, you can can have your opinion, Ed, but you are a subject. Like it or not. Wherever you are, caitlin, Ed, Kate, Marcello - whether you're chillin' with mates, playing some pool, on a chat board or just watching TV - you remain subjects and there are people representing you abroad. Qu'ils mangent de la brioche ...

― Plunging Hen, Friday, 8 April 2005 13:23 (twenty years ago)

Yum!

(xpost)

Some toasted brioche would go down well, too.

― caitlin (caitlin), Friday, 8 April 2005 13:24 (twenty years ago)

I am a subject yes, so all the more reason to trim the royals at shoulder height

― Ed (dali), Friday, 8 April 2005 13:25 (twenty years ago)

Rule

Britannia!

(I said I was a monarchist. I mean after all, her Britannic Majesty requests and requires my safe passage. It says so on my passport! it's nice to know she cares...)

― Adherents of the Repeated Kate (kate), Friday, 8 April 2005 13:26 (twenty years ago)

Woo, someone has just given me a slice of lemon cake

(I'm too lazy to work out how to do yellow)

― caitlin (caitlin), Friday, 8 April 2005 13:32 (twenty years ago)

I caved to another slice of the cappucino. May go back and get some chocolate as well if we can finish this cake off and work on the next...

― Adherents of the Repeated Kate (kate), Friday, 8 April 2005 13:34 (twenty years ago)

This might interest you, Ed, being as you like computers: if it wasn't for the Prince's Trust, we wouldn't have had half the innovations in computer technology (that we've had). The Trust funded the very first web cam, for instance. Charles and his team made it possible for all of us to see and talk to people, or plants (joke), wherever we happen to be in the world.

― Plunging Hen, Friday, 8 April 2005 13:41 (twenty years ago)

I vaguely remember my university claiming to have invented the webcam - or, at least, the little golf-ball-style ones.

― caitlin (caitlin), Friday, 8 April 2005 13:57 (twenty years ago)

wow, sir price charles is responsible for 'naked hot coed teen cam sluts' spam.

― Ed (dali), Friday, 8 April 2005 13:59 (twenty years ago)

It's possible that your university did invent the webcam, but Prince Charles put up the money. That's all I'm saying. Think about it.
Laters guys.

(The boardinghouse reach of an xpost).

― Plunging Hen, Friday, 8 April 2005 14:09 (twenty years ago)

I would much rather there wasn't a Royal family, but Camilla is meant to be a nice person, so I hope it all goes off well for them.

― lil me, Friday, 8 April 2005 18:27 (twenty years ago)

BBC presenter: And now over to our Royal Correspondent, Captain Haddock. Captain, this is a day Charles and Camilla must have been looking forward to for a long, long time, isn't it?

Captain Haddock: Weevils! Slubberdegullions! Patagonians! Bashi-bazouks! Carpet-sellers! Pithecanthropic mountebanks!

― Momus (Momus), Friday, 8 April 2005 18:51 (twenty years ago)

Crowd control measures were in place at Slough station this morning, but no crowds.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller), Saturday, 9 April 2005 10:57 (twenty years ago)

I think this story is romantic, I don't like the royals but I think it just proves that even if you can get the nineteen year old blonde virgin, she's not necessarily the one who will make you happy.

― Nellie (nellskies), Saturday, 9 April 2005 10:58 (twenty years ago)

Why are Jools Holland and Sanjeev Bhaskar the studio-based pundits on the BBC?

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 9 April 2005 11:19 (twenty years ago)

Is no-one watching this? There are a lot of very strange hats. Why is Sting's missus a guest? The BBC are on their fourth lot of sofa-based pundits (currently Trinny and Susannah) since I turned the telly on fifteen minutes ago.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 9 April 2005 11:32 (twenty years ago)

(Ken and Deirdre's wedding was rubbish)

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 9 April 2005 11:34 (twenty years ago)

Phil Collins! Kenneth Branagh! So many hateful people in one place!

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 9 April 2005 11:37 (twenty years ago)

I will celebrate by eating cinnamon babka.

― RS £aRue (rockist_scientist), Saturday, 9 April 2005 11:39 (twenty years ago)

& drinking some more Earl Grey.

― RS £aRue (rockist_scientist), Saturday, 9 April 2005 11:48 (twenty years ago)

http://sfrsite.topcities.com/pictures/Camilla_01.jpg
http://www.rustyspell.com/music/isobelcampbell.jpg

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 9 April 2005 12:04 (twenty years ago)

So, it was just me that watched it then. Camilla had a hat that looked that she had a dead porcupine on her head.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41016000/jpg/_41016029_blessing300.jpg

It was very boring.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 9 April 2005 18:44 (twenty years ago)

i'm still trying to figure what Marcello was quoting

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Saturday, 9 April 2005 19:58 (twenty years ago)

Strap-ons, piss, feminisation, humiliation and degradation. C/D?

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Saturday, 9 April 2005 21:00 (twenty years ago)

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