This is another thread about the Sugababe question..

did you REALLY write this "his ultra-conservative take on discussing sex or sexuality" about Pashmina?

Correct meif I'm wrong, but wasn't it YOU who had the major problems with people's sexualities?

Thank you.

http://www.spacemen3.co.uk/images/pn/pn102.jpg

http://www.spacemen3.co.uk/images/pn/pn134.jpg

http://www.spacemen3.co.uk/images/pn/pn115.jpg

http://www.spacemen3.co.uk/images/pn/pn230.jpg

http://www.spacemen3.co.uk/images/pn/pn215.jpg

I'd bear his dirty dronerock children in a heartbeat!

How about a Spacemen Threesome! Yowzah!

http://www.spacemen3.co.uk/images/pn/pn309.jpg

They'd be taking it back, I assume?

kate singlehandedly destroys every single public service film/drug education programme by saying that illegal narcotics do indeed make you sexy...

God I want her Poland D20!

I have sent Handsome Soundartist off to go see a gallery manager tonight so I will write it after work!

http://www.spacemen3.co.uk/images/pn/pn515.jpg

PHWOOAARRRR!!!!

http://www.no-fi.com/spiritualized/atlanta_photos/kate3.jpg

Ssshhhhh!!! I'm currently trying to trade bootleg copies of the new SPZ album for Brixton Accademy tix with the guitarist from the Durannie Warhols. ;-)

For the record - I'm probably more educated than you, so the intelligence bit is wrong. I never said I was the sexiest blokie alive, so I don't have much to prove there. I've been lucky in that I've attracted some great looking girls, but I've attracted some mingers as well. Which, all in, makes me pretty much your average fellow I guess.

P.S. I need hardly answer that silly racist comment, but for the record I think the black girl in the Sugababes is hawt and have stated as such in the past.

a

A) Regardless of what I look like you will now take the piss and, hey, I'm only human and I will probably be upset.

B) I consider myself an average looking fellow so you'll be let down.

I've not seen your pic anyway. Where is it?

OOR CALUM!!!!1!

I want to you to read this again. I want you to tattoo it on your forehead and think about it every time you are tempted to post these threads making endless derogatory comments about women based solely on their appearance.

Come on, if you're so "educated" - you can figure it out. You've heard of the Categorical Imperative. Act as if your actions would be universalised. If it upsets you when it's done to you, then chances are you shouldn't be doing it yourself.

Most of us learned this lesson in grade three, so clearly your education did absolutely nothing for you.

As long as you're in the spotlight you are open to comment, I'm afraid. And that includes me too - when I go out if I get knocked back by someone then that is JUST THE WAY IT IS. But putting my picture up to a bunch of strangers that I've antagonised at considerable lengths is simply not a good idea.

Besides, I think you probably smell bad.

The NEW AND IMPROVED "What do you look like?" thread.

ah fuck it, what do you all look like?
ah f***k, what do you all look like? the new 2003 series

What do you look like, the Spring/summer 2003 collection

ah look, what do you all fuck like?

Hmmmm............

What's your thoughts on George Orwell Kilian?

Then when they get close a spurt of water hits them in the face!

HILARIOUS! Kilian you are a genius!

Then he gets smacked for showing his ugly mug outside the local asylum for backwards kiddie fiddlers. C'la vie!

http://home.golden.net/~ifraser/calum.jpg

http://www.smo.uhi.ac.uk/smo/roi-shealladh/calum-mairead.jpg

http://www.dundee.ac.uk/pressoffice/annualreport01/calum.jpg

http://www.cwn.org.uk/skyblues/empics/players/emp-calum-davenport-011117-482032-180x250.jpg

http://www.ligoniergames.org/images/calum.gif

http://www.show.scot.nhs.uk/dgpct/images/calum.jpg

http://www.gnome.org/~jdub/evolution/calum-usable.jpg

http://www.virtualyarns.com/images/driftnet/calum.jpg

http://www.scottish-walking.co.uk/pictures/calum.jpg

http://peach.mie.utoronto.ca/people/tsangc/main-calum.jpg

"You just can't resist can you?"

no!

"Kilian is someone who, at a party, will try and make friends by going up to people and shyly asking them to smell the flower on his coat...

Then when they get close a spurt of water hits them in the face!"

Caught me bang to rights. Kate may have been taking the piss when she suggested that Calum should seek professional help, but i do genuinely think we are dealing with one disturbed, lonely individual here.

that's two words, calum!

Then when they get close a spurt of water hits them in the face!"

Didn't Morrisey use to do that?

Ooooh you've opened a Pandora's Box now you twat (and my example was from the past - as if I've not had fucking relations since 1999 - who do you think I am? YOU).

P.S. You did say you wouldn't answer me again, but my posts attract you like a fly to shit. You are a stalker Kilian, a sad fucked up weirdo who needs me in his life to stimulate some sort of intellectual debate. What do you think of Pinter Kilian?

Hahahaha, you couldn't be more wrong. I'm not even from England
-- Calum (calumrw@hotmail.com), March 26th, 2003.

I should know at this point not to even click on threads but can't we finagle some kind of warning flag on ones initiated by him?

Sigh.

Bored now!

What I find really incredible is the way that Calum brings up these things that I've already talked about on ILX, and uses them as some kind of "insult" towards me. Oh my god, how awful, I've had anal sex, oh my god, how evil, HSA and I engaged in rough sex! Shock horror! Buddy, if I was going to be upset or insulted by the discussion of these things, do you think that I'd have posted them on a public board in the first place?

Continue with his dim-witted and very shallow view of female sexuality. (That is, if he can even conceive of the idea that females *have* a sexuality outside of their obvious "duty" to stand around half-dressed in videos to look attractive to men.) It's inconceivable to him that I could have engaged in such sex play because *I* was curious, or because *I* was turned on by it - it must clearly have been to attract or satisfy a male. Women in Calum's world don't exist except in the context of gratifying a male - and most pointedly - *his* sexuality.

If you look at what he considers "rebellious" - it's the accepted, even status-quo-conforming "rebellions" of drink and drugs and violence. Boring! Gender rebellion of any kind is totally inconceivable in Calum's universe - homosexuality, assertive women, etc.

I suppose it's a logical extension of this weird solipsism that he believes that these curious and disturbed sexual fantasies belong on a music board. Because, according to this logic, why else would women make music? CLearly, it wouldn't be to express their own creativity, or emotion or anything else - it must be to specifically titilate his solipsistic libido. If this is the point of the world, then this must be the point of this board, too.

He's pathetically unable to connect with anyone else on any other kind of level - he's unable to answer direct questions or arguments levelled at him. And if the outside world intrudes upon his fantasies in any way that he can't deny - moderating or locking his threads, for example - because he is unable to understand the real world, he immediately cries "nazi", obviously attempting to rebel against his conservative, tory upbringing.

We're dealing with a fantasist and a solipsist here. Curious as a psychological specimen, really. But now that we've understood him, rather dull in his predictibility.

Otherwise, what Kate sez, obv.

I love Calum's bit about him having an eppo because his bird was holding someone else's hand.... how insecure in his own self can one man possibly be? How threatened and possessive does he sound? How unattractive is that to women... or anyone for that matter? I have many straight friends and masny gay friends- and never have I heard of someone so unsure about their own relationship that they would object to their partner holding a friend's hand. Calum, you're a prick, man.

And Kate - fantastic post - and spot on.

Frühlingsmute - great post - I'm a bit better looking than that, I reckon. Just a bit, though. Superb.

b-b-b-b-b-but YOU JUST DID!!!

At the end of the day - I would not expect any girl I go out with to hold another guy's hand. And as explained, my ex (in this case) was a total headcase who would freak at me for even speaking to another woman so it all smelt of hypocrisy. But hey russ twat, you really are the king of cocks, and I doubt you'll appreciate this seeing as you are dreadfully unsure of your own sexuality (I've never had this problem and never had to analyse myself as you so obviously have - poor fellow) but I only have long time serious relationships with people I believe I can care about or connect with. Unlike Kate, in the "real world" I'm not in anything just to get my rocks off.

Kate - you can do what you want, I'm not offended and my posts have always stated that women have a healthy sexuality and should be allowed to express one. It's you, remember, who goes apeshit when someone posts threads about Avril Lavigne. I imagine you're pretty gruesome though and will do anything to grab a bloke. Just my impression. I can imagine that you're the sort of girl who would flip if she found her boyfriend had a porno tape.

You really are pathetic. Go and pull some ugly bastard coz that's the only sort you'll ever get sweetheart.

Oh, and by the way, to refresh your memory - I was friendly with my ex for years before we eventually started going out - she knew me inside out.... and she, too, was bisexual.... what's the problem in that? Are you absolutely sure every person you've had a relationship with has been 100% heterosexual?

And would they still be heterosexual AFTER they'd slept with you......? That's the big question.....

Oh poor lad, how many nights must you have wept over the poor world not understanding one big mess like you? Neither gay, neither straight, neither bi - just some strange misogynistic, knee-jerk reactionary hybrid that will stick his cock in anything. I bet russ twat has even tried sheep! Anything for company though...

Lovely arses, though.

Haha! responding to a couple of threads you set up on a public forum makes me a stalker? whatever!

(oh and calum, continually saying "I have a life and no-one else here does!" won't make it be true. i don't know you personally, but it's obvious from the way you act on ILX that you are a lonely, pathetic wretch. it's time for you to get help).

i'm sure i'll get the standard calum response. yadda yadda yadda i had a girlfriend once yadda yadda yadda political correctness etc. this is the last time i respond to calum on any thread, his predicatability is tiresome. (and i'm actually going to stick by it this time!)

this isn't a 'calum thread' tho, meta-calum threads i'm ok with because maybe we'll figure out how to get him to go away. in an ideal world neither wuold exist because we'd realise that these conflicts are only keeping calz engaged (without his ever actually engaging with anyone on a meaningful level) and once we stop feeding his threads AT ALL (doesnt really matter whether its joking with/at him or 'fuck off' or swans, he seems to eat it up, loves being angry and the anti-pc 'underdog') he'll go away. oops i shouldnt really post on this thread. this is my official last calum or meta-calum post.

Craig and Calz enter. Maxine looks up, startled, but controlling it.

MAXINE: Darling!
CALZ: What the fuck is going on?
CRAIG: Mr. Calum, my name is Craig Schwartz. I can explain. We operate a little business her that... simulates, for our clientele, the experience of... being you, actually.
CALZ: Simulates?
CRAIG: Sure, after a fashion.
CALZ: Let me try.
CRAIG: You? Why I'm sure it would pale in comparison to the actual experience.
CALZ: Let me try!
MAXINE: Let him try.
CRAIG: Of course, right this way, Mr.Calum. Compliments of the house.

Craig ushers Calum to the portal door, opens it.

CALZ: (enticed by the slime): Oooooooh, Yeaaaah!

Calz climbs in. The door closes.

CRAIG: What happens when a man climbs through his own hole?
MAXINE: (shrugs) How the hell would I know? I wasn't a anatomy major.

CUT TO:
INT. MEMBRANOUS TUNNEL - DAY
Calz crawls through. It's murky. He's tense. Suddenly there is a slurping sound.

CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Calz pops into a chair in a swank night club. He's wearing a tuxedo. The woman across the table from him is also Calum, but in a gown. He looks around the restaurant. Everyone is Calum in different clothes. Calum is panicked. The girl Calum across the table looks at him seductively, winks and talks.

GIRL CALUM: Calum Calum Calum Calum...

Calz looks confused. The Calum waiter approaches, pen and pad in hand, ready to take their orders.

WAITER CALUM: Calum Calum Calum?
GIRL CALUM: Calum Calum Calum Calum.
WAITER CALUM: Calum Calum. (Turning to Calum) Calum?

Calz looks down at the menu. Every item is "Calum." He screams:

CALZ: Calum!
WAITER CALUM: (The waiter jots it down on his pad.) Calum.

Calz pushes himself away from the table and runs for the exit. He passes the stage where a girl singer Calum is singin sensuosly into the microphone. She is backed by a '40's style big band of Calum's.

SINGING CALUM: Calum Calum Calum Calum...

Calz flies through the back door.
Calz trudges off along the shoulder of the turnpike.

Kate want to be the axe wielding psychopath who goes on to star in Ab Fab or not? I can't decide if thats desirable role or not.

Make some stupid noises!

Should get 'em talking. Then again, I'm sure Calum HAS actually done the above, I think I remember him talking about this one. Minus Brad, of course.....

Do Performance next! Do Performance! Or maybe Barbarella... "we know nothing of this in the Icen Forests of Calum..."

Quite miss him, actually.

.....like a festering boil on your scrotum.

Hahahaha, you couldn't be more wrong. I'm not even from England
-- Calum (calumr...), March 26th, 2003."

Scottish, innit. Went to St Andrews Uni.