You know you're getting old when........

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- you only go to gigs with seats
- you buy monthly music magazines instead of weekly ones
- you start talking about 'The White Strokes'
- you start admiring bands for 'still being around'

― Kim Tortoise, Monday, 21 July 2003 08:40 (twenty-three years ago)

- you don't buy singles anymore.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 21 July 2003 08:48 (twenty-three years ago)

- you don't buy music anymore!

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Monday, 21 July 2003 08:50 (twenty-three years ago)

- you lose control of your bladder and think you're back fighting the battle of the somme...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 21 July 2003 09:29 (twenty-three years ago)

"- you buy monthly music magazines instead of weekly ones"

*cries*

"- you don't buy singles anymore."

*realises this has been true since even before being forced to accept that sticking to vinyl was no longer a viable option and would have to give in to horrid new fangled "CD"-things (1990/91?). Begins to sob uncontrolably*

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Monday, 21 July 2003 09:34 (twenty-three years ago)

"- you lose control of your bladder and think you're back fighting the battle of the somme..."

They don't like it up 'em sir! Can anyone show me the way to.... nevr mind, too late.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Monday, 21 July 2003 09:36 (twenty-three years ago)

- you start to believe that people might be interested in your opinions about jazz albums.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Monday, 21 July 2003 09:37 (twenty-three years ago)

weekly music magazines - hope you're not referring to nme, in that case i have been old since i was 15. but then again, maybe that IS the case.

― Jay K (Jay K), Monday, 21 July 2003 09:39 (twenty-three years ago)

in truth, i have prob been old for many a long year altho only just 30 - the other day i said that my saving grace during the rave days was the fact that i always had to be home on a sunday in time for antiques roadshow...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 21 July 2003 09:44 (twenty-three years ago)

- you feel an urge to point out that it's "mature", not "old", punk

― nestmanso (nestmanso), Monday, 21 July 2003 09:53 (twenty-three years ago)

''weekly music magazines - hope you're not referring to nme, in that case i have been old since i was 15. but then again, maybe that IS the case.''

I was referring to the NME actually, though I suppose giving it up these days could be more a question of taste rather than age. Not so much the case when I gave it up. I used to want music news and release dates every week and then suddenly really wasn't bothered. Still, now I can come to ILM and get all the music news of note (Pixies reform, Manitoba rather good, Momus takes clothes off etc) so it all ends happily.

― Kim Tortoise, Monday, 21 July 2003 09:54 (twenty-three years ago)

- Sergeant Pepper replaces the White Album as your favourite Beatles record

― Flippa, Monday, 21 July 2003 10:04 (twenty-three years ago)

You realize your favorite artists/bands haven't made a record in 10 years.

― dave225 (Dave225), Monday, 21 July 2003 10:40 (twenty-three years ago)

You wonder what's showing on the Performance channel

― j0e (j0e), Monday, 21 July 2003 10:44 (twenty-three years ago)

- you don't give a damn not knowing half of the names mentioned on ILM.

― joan vich (joan vich), Monday, 21 July 2003 10:46 (twenty-three years ago)

- when you go through the knee of your jeans you think it's time to throw them away

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Monday, 21 July 2003 10:53 (twenty-three years ago)

shocka!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 21 July 2003 12:50 (twenty-three years ago)

also, you go to a rap show and write reviews like this one.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 21 July 2003 12:51 (twenty-three years ago)

You go to a RAP show?!?

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Monday, 21 July 2003 12:52 (twenty-three years ago)

fine, pop concert. whatever.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 21 July 2003 12:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Could this possibly be some strange new terminology you young scallywags use to decribe "hops" or "jigs"?

You young hep cats with your zoot suits and your jive talkin' - you'll be the death of me, you really will!

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Monday, 21 July 2003 13:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Teenagers laugh at your purchases in HMV/ Virgin/ Tower.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 21 July 2003 13:11 (twenty-three years ago)

- You have to dance half-pace whenever you go clubbing
- People in specialist record shops act in an ingratiating manner (because you must have money)
- You 'dig out' records that you haven't heard in 'years' and mean it, literally
- Things other than volume begin to figure in your choice of stereo equipment

― Jacob (Jacob), Monday, 21 July 2003 13:22 (twenty-three years ago)

- you can't find the time to hear the 12 cd's you've bought during the weekend, because you're still listening to the 15 you've bought the weekend before.

― JP Almeida (JP Almeida), Monday, 21 July 2003 13:23 (twenty-three years ago)

You can make rent easily.

― Tom Breihan (Tom Breihan), Monday, 21 July 2003 13:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Of those 12 CD's you bought during the weekend, only 1 was released this year; only 3 were released this millennium; 1 is replacing something you originally bought on vinyl 20-25 years; 3 are things you would have bought on vinyl 20-25 years ago if only your pocket money had stretched that far; and 2 are things that were originally released before you were born.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Monday, 21 July 2003 13:49 (twenty-three years ago)

You decide that catching the opening band and being in yr own bed by midnight is preferable to staying for the headliner.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 21 July 2003 13:49 (twenty-three years ago)

- you start wishing you hadn't sold all your ELO and Queen records when you were going through a teenage indie phase
- You try to impress younger cousins at family weddings by talking about The Prodigy.

― Kim Tortoise, Monday, 21 July 2003 14:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Pootie Tang will draw you a picture of how he gonna kick your ass, then mail it to
you ten days in advance. The picture gets there right? You're goin', "What the hell is
this?" and then Pootie Tang knocks on your door, Promptly kicks your ass and you still
won't know what happened to you!

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 21 July 2003 14:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh Is THAT what is was? Thanks Horace.

I thought it must be me hemorrhoids playin' up again.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Monday, 21 July 2003 14:57 (twenty-three years ago)

- Your memory starts going

― Kim Tortoise, Monday, 21 July 2003 15:04 (twenty-three years ago)

And what's more, your memory starts going.

― Kim Tortoise, Monday, 21 July 2003 15:04 (twenty-three years ago)

- you come to terms with life by emulating Al Jaffee (sorry, couldn't resist)

― nestmanso (nestmanso), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:06 (twenty-three years ago)

- you read this thread and think how cute all these kids are with their "getting old" talk.

― Curt (cgould), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Do not underestimate the dramatic effect of that first wrinkle, Sir Curt. Ah yes:

- your role models are being knighted one by one

― nestmanso (nestmanso), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:20 (twenty-three years ago)

oh yeah, and folks at restaurants, fast food place, etc, address you as "sir".

call me that again, boy, and you'll get your tip sitting in the water glass.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:21 (twenty-three years ago)

...you're about to die of natural causes.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Yay!

- everyone puts on that unmistakable stare of disbelief while you utter phrases like "live fast die young"

― nestmanso (nestmanso), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:30 (twenty-three years ago)

...you used to be able to bust mad bedroom moves to some Teddy P. but now you've got no riddem, you last one verse into the song, your sore the next day.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:30 (twenty-three years ago)

*curses under breath*
*gets up from floor, out of puff*
*tries re-commence hummin'*

"...there'll be time enuough for rocking/ when we're..."

*falls off chair, again*

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 07:01 (twenty-three years ago)

You contribute to this discussion...

― Vincent Vern, Tuesday, 22 July 2003 13:04 (twenty-three years ago)

you stop listening to hip hop and start worrying about that hip op (sorry)

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 13:08 (twenty-three years ago)

- You sing lazy approximations of songs instead of learning all the lyrics
- You don't know the names of any track on your latest CDs

― Kim Tortoise, Tuesday, 22 July 2003 13:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Asked to actually name those 12 CD's you bought during the weekend you'd be lucky to remember 6 of them straight-off.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 13:28 (twenty-three years ago)

start worrying about that hip op

oh christ, that's horrid... :)

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 13:34 (twenty-three years ago)

- Every modern band has an infinitely superior equivalent from your own era. The Coral (Shack) The Streets (Specials) Ladytron (Human league) and so on and so on....

― Kim Tortoise, Tuesday, 22 July 2003 13:40 (twenty-three years ago)

"- you lose control of your bladder and think you're back fighting the battle of the somme..."
Whiny whippersnappers...you call that a battle...why I remember the battle of Natal during the Boer War! Now THAT was a Battle.
(*Laughs* *coughs* *falls off chair*)

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 14:54 (twenty-three years ago)

people start mistaking you for Paul Shaffer

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 14:56 (twenty-three years ago)

ehw. time kill your doppelganger, then. that'll clear things up.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 14:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Kim, Stewart, you are SO OTM...

― JP Almeida (JP Almeida), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 08:27 (twenty-three years ago)

- you no longer recognise any of the 'categories' or 'genres' in your local record store and start wishing they'd go a bit more A-Z

― Kim Tortoise, Wednesday, 23 July 2003 10:18 (twenty-three years ago)

You watch Emmerdale/Coronation St instead of Top Of The Pops.

― donald, Wednesday, 23 July 2003 11:47 (twenty-three years ago)

You read some of the comments on Injuries, fainting fits, and overdoses sustained and experienced at gigs and think: what a bunch of fuckin' pussies the kids must be these days

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:10 (twenty-three years ago)

They all expectt proper toilets at festivals too, don't they?

Pah! In my day the loos at Glastonbury were a couple of sheets of corrugated iron concealing a plank with some holes in it over a fucking great hole.

You could smell it 2 counties away.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh...I thought the opening act was doing all that stinking.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 14:57 (twenty-three years ago)

... the cute girls at the show are looking at you.... but because you're the weird old dude, not because you might be cute.

... the between show banter suddenly devolves into a debate over barney vs. teletubbies.

― msp, Wednesday, 23 July 2003 15:04 (twenty-three years ago)

.... you have only the vaguest idea what the "Tellytubbies" are and can't help but wonder what the fuck they've got to do with the guitarist from Joy Division*

(* - aka the guitarist / vocalist from New Order, for the benefit of our younger readers)

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 15:06 (twenty-three years ago)

so many ticks. I'm 23.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 15:11 (twenty-three years ago)

You shouldn't be getting nervous ticks at 23 Julio.

I didn't start to develop my first one 'til I was almost 30.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 15:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh...I thought the opening act was doing all that stinking.

ZOW!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 15:33 (twenty-three years ago)

...as you dance, the popping and creaking of your joints adds new percussive elements to the sonic mix.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 15:42 (twenty-three years ago)

when you starting thinking of girls as girls

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 15:44 (twenty-three years ago)

...when you're left, without a warning, all alone on the "100 top instrumentals" thread after you've listed three surf geetar k-klassiks in yer last post

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 16:02 (twenty-three years ago)

''You shouldn't be getting nervous ticks at 23 Julio.
I didn't start to develop my first one 'til I was almost 30.''

jazz and serialist type music does that to you by getting to yr nervous system.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 16:04 (twenty-three years ago)

(yay, i wz prvn wrng! re ze nstrmntls thrd ;-)

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 16:06 (twenty-three years ago)

"when you starting thinking of girls as girls"

.... When you start referring to middle-aged women as girls

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 24 July 2003 07:06 (twenty-three years ago)

"jazz and serialist type music does that to you by getting to yr nervous system."

Aaah, you must have developed a rare improvisational tick that doesn't operate in a regular 4:4 pattern - impressive!

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 24 July 2003 07:10 (twenty-three years ago)

You just saw your mate's mum, who you really used to have the hots for 'cos she was so young and so trendy, standing in the queue to draw her pension.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 24 July 2003 08:24 (twenty-three years ago)

- Suddenly, there are songs where 'the guitar's a bit loud'
- You don't know whether your guitar pedals work anymore, in fact, you don't know where they are anymore
- Top of the Pops looks like a school talent contest

― Kim Tortoise, Thursday, 24 July 2003 09:25 (twenty-three years ago)

You inadevertantly hear some of that "young people's music" whilst making your way hurriedly through HMV to the Jazz section and think: it's too loud, there's far too much bass, huge lumps of it have been ripped off from other songs, there's absolutely no tune (you can't even hum it!), the lyrics are rubbish (and is all that swearing really necessary?).... oh at least they knew how to write proper songs in my day!

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 24 July 2003 09:46 (twenty-three years ago)

"You don't know whether your guitar pedals work anymore, in fact, you don't know where they are anymore"

You're glad you didn't take your old drumsticks up to the loft with the rest of your music gear 'though, because they're really handy for stirring those big cans of Magnolia emulsion.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 24 July 2003 09:51 (twenty-three years ago)

''Aaah, you must have developed a rare improvisational tick that doesn't operate in a regular 4:4 pattern - impressive!''

I live to impress ppl I talk to on the interweb.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 24 July 2003 09:52 (twenty-three years ago)

You know you're getting old when........ you live to impress ppl you talk to on the interweb, Julio!

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 24 July 2003 09:56 (twenty-three years ago)

*tic*

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 24 July 2003 10:00 (twenty-three years ago)

- You buy a record you already have by accident
- You think of CDs as 'a new format'

(I'm just using this thread as a diary now, how about you Stewart? I might add the time of day to my next entry, mind you I like to be tucked up with my cocoa by ten so nothing too late mind)

― Kim Tortoise, Thursday, 24 July 2003 10:43 (twenty-three years ago)

- You haven't stayed up for the John Peel show for years but intend to listen to the Festive Fifty as a last-ditch attempt to keep up with ver kids (ie your own kids)

― Kim Tortoise, Thursday, 24 July 2003 10:45 (twenty-three years ago)

- You spend more time seeing how much your rarest records are going for on ebay than actually listening to them

― Kim Tortoise, Thursday, 24 July 2003 10:48 (twenty-three years ago)

- You come over all nostalgic when you see old clips of Wham on TOTP 2, somehow managing to forget that you hated them with a pure fury at the time

― Kim Tortoise, Thursday, 24 July 2003 10:50 (twenty-three years ago)

- Friends buy you chill-out compilations for your birthday ('Well, there's bound to be something you like on it') with pictures of fish on the front and the inevitable Moby track inside

― Kim Tortoise, Thursday, 24 July 2003 10:56 (twenty-three years ago)

"I'm just using this thread as a diary now, how about you Stewart?"

I see it more like a sort of equivalent to the British Legion Social Club for people who fought in the Punk Rock Wars.

You can come in out of the cold and warm your chillblains over a nice cup of tea and a game of domines whilst having a pleasant wander down Memory Lane reminiscing about the good ol' days.

How about a singalong 'round the ol' joanna later? We could do all our old favourites - Pretty Vacant, White Riot, Orgasm Addict, I Wanna Be Sedated....

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 24 July 2003 11:05 (twenty-three years ago)

"Friends buy you chill-out compilations for your birthday"

Oh no, I've never had that Kim - what I do seem to have got a couple of times 'though is people "thoughtfully" buying me compilations of old punk stuff, of which I already own every single track any number of times times: on the original vinyl single that I bought when it first came out in 1977/78; on the original vinyl album that I bought when it first came out in 1977/78; on the first CD issue of the album; on the remastered CD reissue with bonus tracks; and on any one of at least a dozen other CD compliations.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 24 July 2003 11:26 (twenty-three years ago)

"compliation" = very much like a compilation in many respects; in fact it may prove difficult to distinguish between them at first glance.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 24 July 2003 11:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Hopefully these people draw the line at tribute albums!!!!

― Kim Tortoise, Thursday, 24 July 2003 11:41 (twenty-three years ago)

LOL! Yeah, a tribute to The Damned featuring contributions from the likes of Blink 182, Dropkick Murphys, Offspring, Pennywise and their ilk I can well do without thanks!

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 24 July 2003 11:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Incidentally, the last time I saw Knox he was telling me that The Vibrators had contributed a track to a Nirvana tribute album.... what the FUCK is that all about? And what next? Will Buzzcocks and The Damned be contributing a track to the Green Day tribute album? Or Killing Joke contributing a track to the Green Day tribute album?

That's the problem with these kids today you see Kim? They've got no respect....

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 24 July 2003 11:55 (twenty-three years ago)

"Or Killing Joke contributing a track to the Green Day tribute album?"

Of course what I meant to say was "Or Killing Joke contributing a track to the Marilyn Manson tribute album?"

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 24 July 2003 11:57 (twenty-three years ago)

you buy monthly music magazines instead of weekly ones

Given the current state of NME, the above could be regarded as a sign of wisdom rather than neccessarily that of age!!!!!!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Thursday, 24 July 2003 11:58 (twenty-three years ago)

''Given the current state of NME, the above could be regarded as a sign of wisdom rather than neccessarily that of age!!!!!! ''

Exactly what I said in my post above. Cah!!! Bloody old people. How many times do they have to be told? CAN YOU HEAR ME? CUP OF TEA LOVE? YOUR TEETH HAVE FALLEN OUT, I SAID.... oh, never mind

― Kim Tortoise, Thursday, 24 July 2003 12:18 (twenty-three years ago)

''Given the current state of NME, the above could be regarded as a sign of wisdom rather than neccessarily that of age!!!! ''

Exactly what I said in my post above. Cah!!! Bloody old people. How many times do they have to be told? CAN YOU HEAR ME? CUP OF TEA LOVE? YOUR TEETH HAVE FALLEN OUT, I SAID.... oh, never mind

― Kim Tortoise, Thursday, 24 July 2003 12:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, the only thing that's more annoying than all those bloody young people is all those other old farts!

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Thursday, 24 July 2003 12:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Ooh, did I post that twice? Now who's the senile old geet?

― Kim Tortoise, Thursday, 24 July 2003 12:21 (twenty-three years ago)

- Right, 2.30, if I have my nap now, I can just make it back for Countdown.

― Kim Tortoise, Thursday, 24 July 2003 12:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, the only thing that's more annoying than all those bloody young people is all those other old farts!

word! now you're talking!

...wuddya mean, "shut up"?

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Thursday, 24 July 2003 13:06 (twenty-three years ago)

You're too embarrassed to go outdoors become your face is so gnarled and hideous...or is that just me?

― Si, Tuesday, 5 August 2003 20:10 (twenty-three years ago)

- you own cassette tapes, including ones recorded from the radio
- own a bunch of VHS tapes
- you stop going to shows early to get near the front 'cos you don't wanna stand around for an extra hour.
- unfamiliar with the latest street talk/slang
- think all the latest "rock" bands sound exactly the same

― whoever (whoever), Wednesday, 6 August 2003 06:54 (twenty-three years ago)

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