Ask Mark Grout

Should I keep writing this stupid boring paper on stock options or go to bed for the night?

sincerely,

Bimble

Sleep. The stock options will infiltrate your dreams. Wake, then write 2000 words. The insights will amaze you. Either that, or it will work as the first chapter of your novel.

Regards.

how does one deal with dancing-related muscle ache at all-weekend raves, seeing as few clubs offer whirlpools or masseuses?

yours,

braille

Pacing yourself is very important, along with nutrition. Water is a well established need, but a small pasta salad would be a good idea, around 3am. But this is unlikely, unless you are in Bodrum, Turkey. Assuming the situation is more urgent and key, a small amount of vimto, applied externally to the back of the calves by a friend or partner, would take the mind off, which is probably the main symptom.

Take care.

Is music important and helpful as something to play during my wife's impending labour, and if so what should be spun?

Sincerely,
Piers

Now here's a thing. We had arranged a good few sets of cassettes for Dawn's impending Labour, a quantity of Robbie Williams, Cirque de Soleil, and more 'relaxing' fare. In the end, there was so much to concentrate on that the tapes were never removed from the bag. Also, the last thing Amber needed to hear when she eventually arrived was "Let me entertain you" or some such. Second time around, Alice was so quick that we wouldn't have had time to play 'whatever'...

So, im summary, no. Pack sandwiches, and if necessary, sing something nice if it's really necessary. Practice beforehand though.

Good Luck.

What are your views on the wisdom of Conservative MP Greg Knight in securing the services of ex-Four Seasons lead singer Frankie Valli to perform at the upcoming Conservative Party election rallies?

Yours,
Shireen Ritchie (Mrs)

Frankie is a nice chap and he will entertain the elderly ladies and gentlemen of the Conservative party. It's nice to know that they have refrained from blatantly booking such cutting edge acts as Lulu or Meatloaf this time around.

Have a nice time, Ritchie (Mrs)

did you find a copy of that Stump record you bidded for on ebay a few months ago but didn't win (i was the seller). I think it was the "Mud on a Colon" 12".

yours

No.

Regards.

Where do you live in Windsor?

I like Eton. Do you like Eton?

If you have to deal with the council, does it necessitate a trip to Maidenhead?

I do not live in Windsor, although I used to (Ward Royal, sounds grand but its actually a block of flats over the road that runs along Peascod Street)

Eton? I wandered down the street with Dawn about a year ago, and realised I'd never been down as far as that before. There, you will find a postbox with a vertical slit, which I have on good authority is one of only three in the country. I think I have also seen one of the others, but I do not recall where. Cornwall, probably.

Be.

There are two postboxes with vertical slits at the entrance to Hammersmith Hospital in West London's busy Du Cane Road.

I like Elton. Do you like Elton?

Regards,
Mylo "Tessie" O'Shea

I wonder if that counts as one postbox. Are they very old as in 100 years old plus? My source of info was an authority on postboxes and a big fan of Postman Pat. One time, there was a fancy dress party round someones house and I was pondering what to go as. "Postman Pat" suggested she. Hmm, I thought. That's a definite possible, except I would be no doubt asked a million times "You on a promise or what?"

Elton? I had "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" album back in the day, but no need for another. I would like to hear his Nick Drake demos, and I believe his "Hallmark" covers have been reissued again.

Good luck with the destroying Rock and roll.

What's the weather supposed to be like in London at the end of the month? Should I bring a sweater? Umbrella? What'dya think?

Thanks,

Alex in NYC

They always say "March comes in like a lion, and goes out like a lamb". That's all very well, but the variation in the weather can be considerable. But as per all the questions so far, I can add a personal touch. Dawn and I have been to NYC twice, both times in March. First time, it was 30 below. Second time, it was a bit (but not a lot) cold.

Basically, I'd not worry about a pullover, but hey have an umbrella. And as they are cheap over here, don't waste your baggage allowance.

Give my love to Jaz.

My question is in four parts:

1. What does it all mean?

2. I mean, really, when you come right down to it, is there actually any point whatsoever in anything that any of us ever have; or ever will; ever manage to say or do or be, ever?

3. OK, so we might appear make some infinitessimal difference to an imperceptibly small number of people for the fleeting moment that that we're on this paltry planet - but really, in the whole universal scheme of things, when it comes right down to it, does any of it actually matter a fuck?

4. So why do we fuckin' bother then, eh?

Thanking you in anticipation of your prompt and comprehensive response,

1. Life is life. Nah na na na na.

2. To do is to be.

3. One time we were walking through a town in Turkey, a man, hustling for people to enter his nightclub said "Hey, you look like one of the Beatles". Dawn, who has heared this before, and this amuses her no end, says "Paul McCartney?" and he replies "No no no. One of the Beatles." So basically, if Paul hasn't managed it, what hope do any of us have of leaving a mark that's permanent?

4. "Have a good time, all of the time".

Battle ye not with monsters, lest ye become Buffy.

Ask Maurice Deerbank

Sound.

Can we call you 'Grouty'?

yours

Masked Gazza

Who doesn't?

Yours.

(This is beginning to sound like Dear Drooper from the Banana Splits show)

from age 0-10
from age 10-15
from age 15-20
from age 20-25
from age 25-30
from age 30-35
from age 35-40

just stop when these numbers exceed your actual age, if so. and try to predict which, as of yet unreleased, album you will listen to the most in the next five year period of your life.

canonically,

You didn't get there...

Anyway.
from age 0-10 Help
from age 10-15 Band on the Run
from age 15-20 Jesus of Cool
from age 20-25 Metal Box
from age 25-30 Let's Play Domination
from age 30-35 Giant Steps
from age 35-40 Blur

from age 40-44 Franz

laters: Umm, I just don't know where they're coming from

Best Regards.

What was your first concert and how was it?

Cheer,
Alex in NYC

What was the last album you bought?

yours

Masked Gazza

The first gig? Umm, well there was a school trip to see Yehudi Menhuin in Slough, which would be 1968 or thereabouts, there was a christian rock band that toured around the schools and did an evening gig at our assembly hall. They were based on "Free" and were actually pretty good for all that. But I would say, first proper would be Slik at the Top Rank, Reading, in 1976, before they went punk and became PVC or whatever it was. They were alright. Nothing dramatic I guess. Seeing as how Alice and Amber's first would be Placebo at the Reading Festival this year...

Hooray.

The last album I bought? Actually it was that Fiery Furnaces "e.p." for a fiver. I quite like the early tracks, but about halfway it all gets a bit ponderous and progressive, so I don't think I'll bother with Gallowgate Park, or whatever it's called.

I have the Kasabian awaiting delivery mail order though.

Beep.

If Alice & Amber are the daughters, it's interesting to me that my kid is a big Placebo fan, too. Anyway, on to the question: if someone you love is a fan of a particular artist, do you tend to listen to that artist more forgivingly, in order to find what your loved one hears in them?

Thanks in advance,
Brian

A&A are more Busted/McFly fans, and would have preferred to have seen Franz Ferdinand, but that was the wrong day for them (we weren't leaving to put them to bed when the Libertines/Morrissey/White Stripes were up next), but anyway.

It's usually quite easy to see what your partner sees in stuff you don't personally like, but then there's not much I actively hate thesedays (if ever I did). 'Benefit of the doubt' might well be a factor, but I feel there's more an element of not 'pissing on someone's fireworks'. Early on, I got into a debate about "Jesus he knows me" i.e. really funny vs. quite pooer. No-one wins those arguments, not with your respective partner anyway.

Gregards.

Shame.

So, no change there then.

You've gotta be joking
You've gotta be joking
You've gotta be..
Joking, joking
You've gotta be
Joking, joking.

I may be just a figment of your imagination, but I'm a fully rounded and consistently developed figment of your imagination!

Maybe you can answer this (even if this is not the thread for it).

On "A christmas Catalogue too many", who is it that goes "CHRISTMAS!"? I always thought it was Patrick McGoohan,from the Prisoner. Now, I'm sure it's not from the pris, but whoisit?

You mominated the second Mutantes LP on this thread to listen to later this month. Looks to be unavailable to buy at the moment. Any chance you could make me a copy? E-mail me. Thx!

I can't help but notice that just recently we've seen Ask Alex in NYC resurrected, and now this one, and I'm a little concerned that someone may want to resurrect Ask Stewart Osborne next; particularly because after tomorrow I'm unlikely to be able to dedicate much time to t'interweb for a few days, and I really don't want to let my adoring public down.

So my question to you Mark is: do you think anyone's likely to resurrect Ask Stewart Osborne during the next few days; or will it be OK because absolutely no-one actually gives a shit what a tedious nonentity like me thinks about anything anyway?

Thank you,

Are you calling me a whale?

If so, is this because you believe that some of the most beautiful and sophisticated women on the planet would be prepared to spend vast amounts of money just to be able to rub a few drops of my semen into their faces; or is it because you think I'm a fat bastard who should be hunted to extinction?

Stew, if any questions do get asked on yer ol' thread while I'm here and you're not, I'll have a go.

Although "David Letts" might work as a catch-all answer.

Brinsley Schwarz, Despite It All
Dave Edmunds, Get It and Trax on Wax 4

Signed,
Nervous On The Road

I have a sampler of Brinsley Schwarz, so cannot comment on that one. Nor have I heared the two Dave albums. I did hear the track "Get it". Very nice but that's it. I recommend "Jesus of Cool" if that's yer bag.

Mark.

Sincerely,
Home In My Hand (aka Nervous On The Road)

Good thinking Mark.

And if that doesn't work you could always try "Raymond Burns" and "Chris Millar"

i have never seena photograph of you. nor, it seems, of stewart osbourne. are you very tall?

best,
gaz

In photographs, I am quite small, around 3" high depending on the snap. In real life I am 6ft1. I have not come into contact with Dr C, so cannot comment. Stylishly ripped? I have a gongolier type striped top which got ripped at the neck eventually. It was bought in Venice. Umm that's it I think.

Mark.

Oh yes - and I can do better than that: here's me in 1982 wearing a Killing Joke T-shirt....

http://pictures.friendsreunited.co.uk/thumbnails/4408719_mini.jpg

.... how cool is that, eh?

Aaaah, then where are the sleeves?

I was into it right up to my filthy little neck.

They (ANL) were awful, weren't they?

(obv stewart did - despite the sleeve controversy he has some kind of punk gloves on???)

I remember the punker next to me threw a beer at the mixing desk. Splash all over the faders. Bloke jumped over the railings, grabbed the punker (whew that was close I thought), and calmly explained why he shouldn't do that. Bizzarre.

Dr C is quite tall, but not freakishly so.

What band is that Stewart? I saw you in Sub-Active, were they still going in '82?

That is indeed Sub-@ctive (the other thing I linked to was a band called Broken Dream about 10 years ago).

Here's a question : are there any decent venues in Reading these days. We haven't played Reading in a while. The last one was at the Litten Tree I think (it was before I joined the band). Any contacts? We're fantastic. I ought to send you our new mini-LP.

Yes, you really should send me your new mini-LP, I'd really love to hear it!

This thread amuses me no end.

That's all.