UK Watercooler Conversation Six: The Private Psychedelic Reel

I feel so... expendable. Sigh.

::sniff::

At least my first report balanced. That's a big relief. And the big bosses really like my new "How Am I Driving?" reports.

We just got new cups for ours, after a week without. They are strangely bluish tinged.

If not, free mittens for me. They are brown suede (?) with knitted cuffs.

Work is still being rather stressful, although it wasn't as bad as yesterday. At least, as of right now, my temporary office is completely clear of all our equipment.

I will have to bring in the camera and get some shots of the New Office, when we get it finished (no ceiling yet).

There *is* a ceiling, a plaster one, but a posh new suspended one is on order. So, the existing ceiling currently has lots of cat5 cables (our fault) and power cables (not our fault) dangling from it.

Also, we are going to have posh new lights, with dimmable fluorescent tubes. On the other hand, we have one small window, too high to see out of, into another part of the building, and no natural light at all.

I would normally say, make sure you have a coffee before you go in, so your hands are warm and you have tons of energy, but then again, you always have loads of energy.

I have returned from house number three. More positive than the previous two, but the most I can muster for this one is ambivalence. It's very large, especially for the money, to the extent that we've actually discussed if there is actually one room too many, given that we don't really know what to do with the extra.

It's very functional, but what it lacks in character is made up for in that the walls are plain and not dirty. However the bathroom is downstairs at the back of the house, accessed through the kitchen, which bothers me. On the positive side, though, there is a shower.

I think we'll keep this as a maybe, pending looking at the other houses.

forget you, I always managed at least one post per thread that mentioned watercoolers.

does anyone think that 'The Warriors' wouldn't have been as good if it hadn't been based on a gang owning a fairground?

I missed this earlier. Are you talking about what I think you're talking about?

Is it a shared house you're looking for, I forget?

And no, TISSP, I'm not talking about Radiohead reports, even though yes, we were listening to that EP at the weekend. They're just individual reports on how the consultants are doing.

Yes. The Waltons are positions 6-10 on the list of the richest people in the world. If the patriarch was alive, he'd be twice as rich as Bill Gates. Also urgh reading the Forbes billionaires list to find this out is really nauseous. There's only two billionaires in Africa, guess what colour they are? Hint: they're South African. Also inherited, of course. It actually makes me feel better towards Bill Gates, because his monster wealth is self-made, and he appears to be doing something with it instead of waiting to drop it on a heir to the throne.

Er, and good luck with the job!

Fingers crossed for emsk!

But still, it's always good to have a good interview, it's good practise and all that.

Mooore problems with my reports. PEOPLE STOP MOVING AROUND FROM BRANCH TO BRANCH, YOU MORONS!!! Argh.

And I was hoping to get out of here before the next mass mailout of promotional crap, which due to the lack of work placement monkeys it looks like I'll be doing on my own. There is no task I loathe more. Hey, maybe you can come and work here unpaid instead emsk ;)

thanks for the job love, everybody. ooh, library. i nearly applied for some library stuff just before christmas, then got distracted by something.

and um yes i do wish to eat. and drink. and sleep in a bed.

Anyone fancy a beer tonight?

clean desk policy = shove everything in a desk drawer last thing at night.

Anyway, just thinking about the nice BEER.

I had a nice time last night, that was a very good idea.

FP, is that because they were all drinking together last night, or have the Evil Bug Of Doom got that far North yet?

I was scrolling down new answers to find this thread and it was at the top all along. Ooh-eee.

Sorry I couldn't come to the pub. Anyone up for next week maybe? I know I should revive another old fap thread but I might wait until the actual day.

FP - bird flu! Every time someone coughs in this office, someone else says 'bird flu, eh?' and chuckles. It's driving me nuts.

(including me - I've been feeling nauseous all morning, and now a headache's starting)

My blood pressure was too high for the nurse to give me my pill prescription yesterday, eek. But then a bit later it was fine. Probably just too much coffee.

Mini Brighton FAP tomorrow if anyone fancies the trip down. I'm off work woo.

Our shower broke last night. Grr.

WTF? Why would I f*ck things up for myself like that? Do I have some evil twin who logs into my database while I'm asleep and moves people about randomly? Or am I really *that* bad at my job that I did all this by mistake and didn't even notice?

It's not my day today. Sigh.

I just feel like a fool because I wrote this rant to the project manager going all WHO'S BEEN IN THE DATABASE, ARGH!!! and it turned out it was actually me. :-(

Fucking fruit teas

We've spent the last two days moving into our new room and getting settled down. It's rather cramped. We knew that all along. However, now we've got everything in place, the office manager has told us that the MD doesn't like it, and we're going to have to rearrange everything to give ourselves more space.

This is a NEWLY BUILT ROOM for fuck's sake. When the wall was put in, we pointed out that it would be too small for us. However, the manager who wanted the office on the other side for his department overruled us, and got the wall shifted to make our room even smaller.

The office manager is telling us that this is all down to H&S regulations. When I asked, though, for specifics on how our room breaks the H&S regulations, he was supiciously silent.

"Ideas Room"

"Fulfillment Room"

NB. Do not cut arms. Fulfilment gave me a stress rash on my wrists so bad that it did LOOK like I'd been self-harming, though.

"Fulfillment Room"

Oh God. You should use the scapel on your MD instead!

Dammit, I keep trying to listen to People Like Us and being interrupted by stuff like WORK.

But then again, I'm in such a bad mood for so long that it must be PMT. I hope.

xpost

on an odder note, i tried to get some coffee from the ace ecoshop up the road - we get this stuff http://www.wombles.org.uk/zapatista/ - because a) it is yummy b) it is less money for more coffee c) not only am i not giving money to evil fucks (nestle's fairtrade coffee, wot a joke) but d) i am helping them fight a bad government hurrah! but it's not allowed in the country any more! it has gone black market! the guy in the shop wasn't sure if it was our govt not letting it in or the mexicans not letting it out, but he is gonna try and get some.

It's still month end, and I've just discovered a problem which is TOTAL MONKEY DATA ENTRY ERRORS (basically people putting the wrong sodding year in dates) which means I have to run the same reports FOR THE FOURTH TIME IN THE PAST TWO DAYS.

I am not a happy bunny.

x-post I'm not getting out of here before about 9 tonight, it looks like, even though I would love some pastabake num num. :-(

you pay council tax over 10 months and have feb and march off. almost makes up for having to pay a month's rent for only 28 days but...

i think there's a global conspiracy when it comes to freerange coffee - had trouble getting cafe direct 5065 last week, neither oxfam nor sainsburys had any (except the decaf stuff).

My lack of ILE this week has been down to my horrific busyness, The news of my 1337ness has spread through the company, and now they want me to do some ACTUAL work - the cheek of it! So this is a short precis of my thughts from reading threads etc.

1) Yay to emsk! Interview! Sounds like a cool thing to do. Do you still have a hole in your head?

2) Kate - I am v. annoyed I missed the party. We need another post xmas walk. You're good at spotting psycho-graphic walks (or whatever you call them), so this is your task. You don't seem to have anough on at the moment anyway. ;) Boo to feeling rubbish though, that's never a good sign. Don't remind me of orgasms is the most un-Kate thing you've ever written!

3) On a similar note, Emsk, was the pasta nice?

4) Boo to beanz's bosses and their inability to let people who know what they're talking about do their job. Although a ceiling with lots of cables and power leads hanging from it sounds kinda cool, like living in the Futuristic Zone on Crystal Maze. WHich is a good thing, shurly? No light is rubbish though.

5) Boo to tissp and not being able to find ANY, I mean ANY, nice houses with showers and stuff. SHowering, although not as good as bathing, is still pretty classic.

6) Boo to walmart, although I've always maintained that companies aren't supposed to be nice, they're supposed to be efficient and profitable. It's down to governments to make them nice. way I see it, you shouldn't blame walmart for playing by the rules, you should blame the government for making a rubbish rulebook. Still rub though.

7) Oh, and Boo to Embrace. I too have heard their new single, and my word, isn't it awful. It's getting a lot of airplay on 6music recently, which is most disturbing. R3 is rocking my world at the moment. I heard this fantastic piece the other night with a massive orchectra going at it and someone reading out Beatrix Potter stories in a maniacal voice over the top. Amazing stuff.

8) Oh no To Archels job probs! "The Fulfillment Room" sounds like a Kafka short story though.

If I have time later, I will return. I havne't abandoned you all, I've just been the world's busiest man! I've got a pile of CDs I need to send from Amazon, loads of emails to reply too - hectic it is, hectic.

Boo to your bosses making you do some work too

Oh, it's FP with the dangling cables? As I say, I rather LIKE the idea of dangling cables, esp. if they're glowing. Are they glowing?

Life needs to be more like The Crystal Maze.

Today, I have brought lots of cake to work with me.

Fixed your post, Johnny :)

However... BAUHAUS tonight. I've finally started to get excited, when I dressed up in silly velvet coat and long black skirt and buckled shoes and stuff this morning. And then thinking about David J in all his ginger pointy-nosed eyebrowless lizard-lipped glory...

Am having a fashion attack about tonight.

I've fixed it now.

My life is full of confusing dillemmas at the moment.

Well, two.

And no matter how hard I work, or how clearly I explain things at work, to the new manager, he always emails back going "let's talk about this when you get in!" and then he's always in meetings all day. FFS, can you PLEASE just put any comments you have in an email?

xp

We need to start walking again, yes, JB, but when it stops SNOWING and the days get long enough for me to not feel wrecked at the weekends.

But yeh, longer days are good.

Oh, I've been using that SAD lamp, and it's BRILLIANT - best use of £40 evah. Placebo or no, I feel a billion times better.

The snow doesn't stick so we can't have snowball fites. :-(

xpost

Now I'm in a thoroughly rotten mood. :-(

Here is a joke to try and make Kate less unhappy, sans punchline so you can figure it out yourself. What is a pirates favourite Dr Who villain?

And the lamp tissp, I got it from Ebay - it was £40+P&P, which I think was another fiver. Well worth the investment if you know your body's not making the serotonin like it should.

Doughnuts are good anytime, but I find them less fun in the mornings. My tea isn't quite as nice if I have a doughnut with them. Sprinkles are certainly u&k tho.

What's a pirate's favourite show tune?

Mark well my words, so ye may avoid my fate! (brandishes hook)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0753818701

Who doesn't like pirates?

I like anything that isn't sodding data that keeps moving, sodding accountants, sodding bosses, and sodding people who can never be bothered to make or keep appointments because they are too disorganised to even carry a sodding diary.

I liked today's issue of the Grauniad. I will probably keep the musical tube map, even though they got the line thickness horrifically wrong.

(I suspect that was deliberate to make you want to go out and buy the thing - the snippet on the front cover of that section is right)

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/culturevulture/archives/2006/02/03/going_underground.html
http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-files/Guardian/documents/2006/02/02/underground5.pdf

Anyway, yay! My end of month rec is done, and I have accounted for everything - dead cases, RAF, Value Variance, deleted doubles... and I am still out by EXACTLY EIGHTY POUNDS. Grrrr.

I am going to check all my maths over again to make sure I haven't done anything stupid and typooned, but if it's still there, then I think they should just GIVE me the £80 and then everything will balance. Sigh. If only accounting worked that way...

ok, first one i found is bad midi version but you get the idea.
http://www.discoverynet.com/~ajsnead/theme/midi/brazil.mid

http://cdbaby.com/mp3lofi/herskowitz-08.m3u

the comments on that blog article are funny. london bridge area looks all wrong.

I know we're having trouble confirming a gig, but it's not Emsk's fault, it's because none of the other Shimuras are online!

I've just had my halloumi and my carrot cake and I'm about to dive back into my rec and see if I can ferret out that last £80. I'm sure it's got to be a typo or VV, but can't seem to find it. Argh.

WTF x 1,000,000,000 !!!

I like the idea and the execution of the Guardian map (Not all that rockist - he complains about not being able to fit Pet Shop Boys on!), though most of the people in the comments box could do with being set on fire. The Arctic Monkeys line seems to be a joke, in fairness.

Hey, *I'm* in that comment box! Complaining that the lines are too narrow, like I did here.

No, but it's an excuse to leave from work. (It also looks good on the resume and I don't have to pay, so frankly, why not?)

(then again, everyone will think you're not really ill and are just skiving off early)

can't wait to just go out tonight and get hammered.

http://www.boris-johnson.com/images/header.jpg

I might have to buy his book on Rome. Sigh.

i have heard that the correct time to go to ikea is on a friday or saturday evening. i have only been once, it was saturday or sunday morning and it was hellish.

dude chopsticks are fun and apart from anything else it leaves you one hand free for some wild gesticulating.

I agree, chopsticks are great, but the fact that they're one-handed means that I've got the other hand being unused. I'm so use to using BOTH hands that eating with only one does diosorientate me somewhat. I'm not much of a gesticulator anyway, so I end up resting my spare hand on my glass and doing more booooozing than I would normally do as a consequence.

Tell me more about streetcar. And the pump, if it's really THAT good ! ;)

Friday was BAUHAUS which was, of course, excellent and amazing, and ohmigod, I had forgotten how much I love love love them, it was like I was 15 again with Peter Murphy doing that Batty Batty Bat Bat dance and worshipping the Pineapple God and Haskins Paskins etc. oh yay.

Saturday I did the shopping and then took the LONGEST MOST AMAZING AND RELAXING BUBBLEBATH in the world. I needed it. I spent over an hour in the tub, relaxing and reading the paper. It needed to be done.

And then I MIXED for seven hours straight. I am a mixing, editing, compressing machine. Compression is my new favourite thing ever.

And then Sunday I did the laundry and made a GIANT curry and then my Godmum came round to give me my lovely purple housewarming gifts and we ate nummy curry and had a good hearty "you need some mothering" chat, which was lovely. Then Emsk came round and we did the rest of the mixing and my ears have lost the ability to hear anything except Crackle which must be erradicated and compressed out of existence. All bow down to the new compression god. I listened to it this morning, but I've lost the ability to tell if it sounds good or shite. All I hear is compression. (And "chopper" which is the new tremolo.)

1. The wall of 1000 brown-leather touts squawking "tick-its for Bow-'ouse' on the way out of Brixton station.
2. SUMO ASH, putting the gay in geisha.
3. Nobody called Haskins has the ageing gene.
4. Weirdly, Pete Murphy looked like Rex Harrison wearing Nick Cave's clothes.

http://static.flickr.com/9/12046025_39c1ef9a9a.jpg

I need to just remember how bouncey I felt after Bauhaus and stop feeling stressed out.

David J... ::little swoony sigh:: I think Ash and Murphy are the portraits in the Haskins Bros' attics.

http://i13.ebayimg.com/03/i/06/1c/9a/b2_2.JPG

i am just chuffed with it because it took me half an hour to get into town on saturday because my back tyre was v squishy but i had forgotten until i was on my way. i like this one because a) it is tiny b) i can attach it to my bike c) it has a pressure gauge so i am not afeared of pumping tyres up too much d) it was a fiver. i like new toys! and also if you have the other valves to me you take it apart and put one of the pieces in backwards and put it back together and it works with them, woohoo!

Actually, you lot can help me out. I have £320 of vouchers, and I can spend them at some places, but not others. I can't spend it at a music shop, so no new guitar for me, and I can't spend it at a PC shop, so no new motherboard. So what CAN I spend £320 on? The furthest I've got is spending some of it on a food processor, but after that I've no idea. What do you reckon?

sell them for £300/£280 or thereabouts cash on ebay to someone who wants stuff from shops you can use them at, and buy a new guitar.

i saw the other day that they are doing free bike security marking this week in soho but i didn't write the specific times and places down because i thought i could find it on the police's website (it's them that's doing it). however they're too clever to put it on their websites. people who work in the area, might you be passing some bike parking places anytime today, and could you check for me please? i saw billboards by the bike locks in soho square and on broadwick street. hm, i should ask about this on the watercooler thread too.

That's not a bad idea re ebay, I'll look into that, altho I dunno if people are trusting enough to hand over £300 for some pretend money. Why can'twe be paid in like, money?

Kate, thank you for the food processor offer, I may well take you up on that. Do you not find it much use? I always imagined a food processor would be stupendously useful in the kitchen.

Mmmmmmm, cake.

it's a tax thing. bonuses are taxed unless they are tokens rather than money. or something. i had £100 of M&S vouchers once and it took me literally years to use them.

Hello there!

I am all excited this lunchtime because I have just booked myself a weekend away in London. Well, um, Barking.

I didn't bake my own cake in the end, but my mum did me two.

I am having a horrible post-lunch slump today. It doesn't help that it's really really hot and airless in here for some reason today. Bah.

G-kit, you weren't at Belle & Sebastian in Brighton on Friday were you? I saw someone bopping away below me who resembled you (from the back).

i knocked my mug off the table and smashed it into 1000 pieces. not quite the same level but...

It's sad that whenever I see phenomenally long threads nowadays I just assume they've turned nasty. But it's usually true (that silly/great picture mystery thread excepted).

*xpost*

Oh no, FP! How did you do that?

See a doctor, quickly. It can't be good for you.

xpost yeh kate now i can fiddle with it really good. plus what i just said there :) (or :)o maybe?)

I went to change the tape, and noticed it had already ejected itself. I pulled the tape out, and some nasty-looking spaghetti came with it. I think I've pulled out an important part of the loading mechanism, because now, if you put a tape in, it just goes: "whirrWHIIIRRRR" *eject* *clonk*.

http://www.eyeofhorus.org.uk/images/photo/09eccleston/01series/07-longgame/adam-linkup.jpg

with sting on the bass.

http://www.ear.fm/Encyclopedia%20J/j_david.jpg

http://www.unnameabletheatre.com/2005/VOICES/DAVIDJ_SLINK_CLOSE.jpg

http://www.unnameabletheatre.com/2005/VOICES/DAVIDJ_LAMP175.jpg

http://www.newwavephotos.com/Bauhaus1/08576Bauhaus.jpg

(Sorry, the Watercooler thread was slow today, so now it is the David J Watercooler Thread.)

http://www.genterine.com/cobwebstrange/images/wade4bauhaus.jpg

"He is NOT related to me."

http://lnr.loungebunny.net/haskins/kev/kev1.jpg

Anyway, back on Watercooler subjets, I have made an Executive Decision that ANYONE who sends me emails maked "High Importance" will have their email instantly downgraded to the bottom of the to-do list.

Pretty much EVERYTHING I have to do is usually high importance to the person who wants it, and it's my/my boss's jobs to establish priority. NOT YOUR EMAIL's.

Noes, that wasn't me. BUT! i am going to see them in london village on friday. because it's my birthday on sunday! hurrah and stuff.

Morning, you lot. I forgot to go out and buy the new Belle & Sebastian album yesterday; will have to do it today instead. I know it's probably going to be rubbish, but I feel like I still have to buy it for old times' sake.

It is quite good. The cover/sleeve notes are rub though.

Will stop talking about B&S now before Kate gets upset ;)

In other news, I feel like shit today and in consequence only just got to work. Going to look up my symptoms on NHS Direct now like a true hypochondriac.

WTF, anyway.

Last night, I dreamed about the old playground on the way home from school when I was a kid - the time we came home from school, only to find that the "dangerous" "shuggy boat" (nb this is probably a term no-one not from NE England will understand) had been removed by workmen! It was terrible, I mean, it was terrible when it happened, and also a terrible dream. Made me miserable @ 3am, the very worst time to be meiserable bleat bleat.

Also, I'm sick of work.

However, I am not in early to work because I stopped and bought a ballgown for the work doo on Friday. Actually, I bought two ballgowns, one turquoise, with gauzy sleeves, and one dark red, without sleeves (log arm oh no!) - and I have to decide which one I am wearing to the work do and which one I am wearing to the Shimuras gig.

I think the red one would be better for Valentines, but the turquoise one would match my guitar better.

Decisions, decisions...

I am always tired lately. This is annoying me. I was too tired to pay proper attention to Young Adam last night. However, *he* fell asleep halfway through Secretary so I don't feel bad.

TS: B&S vs football vs Bauhaus vs FROCKS

Anyway, Ste, are you going home because you're ill, because you've got a day off, or because you're sick of us talking about utter gobshite?

http://www.houseoftheorangemonkey.co.uk/monkey/hats/images/pirate1.jpg

The third one has the same cast as the second, plus Chow Yun-Fat (!!11!!1!1)

Young Adam and I have had a date to go and see it as soon as it came out since, well, before we were dating!

Also, awwwww. Roughly how long do we have before you start talking about pots and covers? :)

My boss this morning: "have you fixed that tape drive yet?"

I am having a totally horrible day.

I bought the B&S album then went home via the pub and forgot and listened to David Bowie instead, for some reason.

Why horrible Archel?

http://www2.monsoon.co.uk/files/images/history0.jpg

x-post, oh no, this is why I don't have interweb in my home, because I *would* become too dependent on it!

Horrible day beanz because of health stuff that involved spending my lunch hour with a nurse doing things to me that were no fun at all :(

(I had to speak to one today, but it was only about the questionnaire for my life insurance. Also, my therapist rang and made another appointment, and I'm still feeling a bit... abandonned, but we can talk about this at the next session.)

It's not so much a CD, more like a hardback book with a CD and DVD attached. I am wondering why the railway line I used to do volunteer work for gets a "thanks to" acknowledgement, and annoyed about someone else being in the credits (because he's a tosser who deserves hatred and derision)

Also, I think they might have added an Attractive One for the sole purpose of Being Attractive because the rest of them were so dorky. I think its name might be Belfast Bob? The one that looks like a prettier Nick Dast00r.

Yes, the one who looks vaguely like N is "Belfast" Bob Kildea.

xpost

xpost heroin and jack daniels bath is good any time!

It's been a roffly couple of days thanks to this, and you really must download the YSI stuffage I've just put up -- again, since the previous one has already expired.

Remember the wise old saw: GAUZY SLEEVES brings SLEAZY GUVS while SLEEVELESS RED brings erm VEERLESS SLEDS (?)

x-post, er, WHAT?

(xpost)

Exactly. And since veering might be especially dangerous in conjunction with Curves, it seems we've solved the frock assignment problem.

Shimura Curves to the rescue again!

Incidentally, I did mention to my friend M: "I thought maybe we could meet up with some of my other friends on Friday night?" Since, after I played her a Lollies album, she's convinced that you're famous, Kate, she jumped at the chance.

Shit, isn't it.

* like OKC it has a "these are my real-life friends" feature, but the list is public.

(and, no, I am NOT giving you the link. If anyone can guess what site it is - and I know I'm not the only person from here and there, because Logged Out people who weren't me have linked to its discussion boards in the past - then it's fairly easy to find me.)

FP, it will happen. Just not with this person! Very difficult to see it from your current situation, I know, but you're not alone: everyone who wants to be in a relationship but isn't, thinks it will never happen. And then it does! I know that's not much comfort right now though.

I had a whole raft of scary dreams last night, but fortunately I've forgotten them all.

I hope you're blushing then

okcupid is so crap. Why do I have to type in my login and password everytime, and why doesn't it save my match criteria? I have to retype it all.

However, I woke up in an excellent mood because the SUN was out, and I'm determined to stay cheerful and not think about my health worries or my court worries or anything else. I might take myself to the cinema tonight too.

(that would be the self-harm equivalent of the secretary who tries to use Tippex on her monitor screen, I guess)

Still, I had a good time last night, the movie was GRATE!!! and we worked out some band issues, which was good.

Sorry everyone is feeling so ill, and horrible dreams - ugh. Sounds like too much stress all around.

I don't know, FWIW, I have some personal observations on interweb dating and how it did and didn't work for me, but I need to think on them and crystalise them in my mind.

I have a weird problem myself. My sex drive has completely disappeared. I don't know if this is the medication, or stress, or the long period of celibacy or what. But, for the first time in my lif, I have a totally hott boy willing to let me do whatever I like to him, and I just can't get a clit-on. It's totally not him at all, there's something wrong with me. I just feel like I can't make emotional connections to anyone any more. Anyway... must look at those work emails now.

On the other hand, I didn't have any trouble getting up at all this morning - I was laid in bed unable to sleep half an hour before the alarm went off. I only got about five hours sleep last night, so I probably won't be feeling too awake later.

I was thinking last night: I had a nice birthday, but if you go from the exact anniversary of my birth - 11.30pm - then so far this new year has been really, really shit. There's two years left until I'm in my 30s, and my life is pretty much fucked.

woke up wanting to WORK and i have plenty WORK to do so that's all good... i like this freelancing thing, i get to hang about in my pjs eating toast and still get shit done, woo!

me and the belgian both independently thought it was summer when we woke up this morning - the light is different and it smells different - so it must be true. bring on summer. i feel things will be better in summer.

we're having a housewarming (yes, another one) in mid-march.

Oh no, the bloke is here to fix the coffee machine which means that I cannot have my coffee yet.

(currently challenging the Active Directory to a fight to the Pain)

I have a general terror of all things LDAP in general, and AD in particular. I know the minimal amount I think I can get away with - I can create and delete accounts on our domain controller, and that's about it. Are my fears justified?

I can see you understand the most important aspect of being a sysadmin :-)

I do hate it when a windows security update changes a group policy default setting, and I have to go trawling through the settings to work out how to restore things back the way they were.

that said, the coots on the pond have started nesting so maybe spring is in the air.

> I have a general terror of all things LDAP in general, and AD in particular.

8(

It's approaching the part of the year when the final half-mile of my morning drive to work, down a straight road, is directly into the rising sun.

Our daffodil and hyacinth bulbs have come up! (Admittedly we have been keeping them indoors but still.)

*xpost*

I can see you understand the most important aspect of being a sysadmin :-)

Muahahaha! Although when I get around to installing a traffic-shaper in the hall of residences, I'll probably have start wearing body armour. :)

dreamt my boss was trying to make me fill the magazine with scans of press cuttings about his other businesses :(

Is your boss Richard Desmond?

okcupid seems better in the last week or so, in so far as it's letting me log in at all. But I still need to actually fill out my interests rather than my questionnaire, I suspect.

Some days you're better off staying in bed.

Have a decent rest of day, y'all, see you all tomorrow, probably.

Is it pointless to say "if things haven't improved in two years then I'm going to kill myself"?

Pointless in so many ways. How do you measure improvement or otherwise? And how will you know that things weren't going to change the day after you kill yourself? And what about people who care for you?

Well, for one thing, if I'm not still single. If I've had any sort of relationship. If I'm at all happier with my life.

Wednesdays! Suck!

I know this is another annoying thing to say, but change isn't just going to happen by itself and there are probably positive things you can do - like making a list of things you want to change and working on them systematically. I know you're already doing things e.g. okcupid but 'failure' on okcupid can be a self-fulfilling prophecy for the reasons carson describes. Rejection makes you frustrated which comes over when you're in touch with other people on it. Is there any way of socialising that isn't online that you could try again, for instance? (Sorry if this sounds ridiculous)

On the other hand, I *hate* not being a sociable person. I desperately wish I could meet new people, but then when I do I want to curl up and hide.

The first thing is, I signed up to an internet dating site looking for dates, not for email penpals. My mate had a policy that if a meetup had not been suggested within 3 email exchanges, she stopped writing. This is even *more* true if the emails become really long and intense. This promotes a sense of false intimacy, and heightens expectations unrealistically. The point is to get to a first date with some information and... priming about what your common interests are. The point is not to have your first date be via email.

If you are keen, show that you are keen by suggesting a meetup. Don't pester, but don't be vague, either. Say "this is fun, how about talking about this further over a few drinks? Shall we try next week?"

And this is so obvious as to be ridiculous, but don't forget that in that initial email exchange, there should ideally be an equal number of questions and answer by each person. Show an interest in her, and her interests. Ask her questions about the interests on her profile. If she asks you something, don't just reply, but finish it with "...and what do you think about the subject?" because that keeps the communication lines open.

The second thing is, do not allow that false intimacy to allow you to sink into self depreciation and/or self loathing. *Everyone* feels awkward and feels like a freak doing internet dating. You should try to normalise the situation - to act confident, even if you don't feel it. I suffer from self loathing immensely, and if I think that the other person is going to exacerbate it, then I walk away quickly. That may sound harsh, but it's self preservation. I try to have the attitude that "this is just the way that I am" - if someone persists via email with the whole "oh no, I must sound like a freak..." then I think "this person has not even accepted who *they* are - how can they accept *my* freakdom?"

I'm probably not expressing myself very well. And I have never had a successful internet dating experience.

But all of this is treating the symptoms, not the cause, like I said. I think the fundamental problem is that old chestnut - "how can someone else love you, if you can't even love yourself?" Why are you looking for a relationship/someone else to fix you and/or make your life worthwhile? If you've already decided that life is so unworthwhile that you will kill yourself in two years... you are making for a self fulfilling prophecy, because what other person would enter into a relationship with you, knowing that kind of responsibility is hanging over their head?

Find your *own* meaning. Don't look for someone else to provide it.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, I'm yelling at myself as much as I'm yelling at you.

Ah well. He's left a load of his videos at my house. If he disappears like all the other boys did, I get to keep the Jared Harris film.

The thing is, all your internet dating advice - as far as I can tell, I already *do* do just as you suggest for the email content. And it never goes anywhere. If I make *any* sort of meetup suggestion, they just stop responding; I never even get a reply to the message.

This is regarding OKC, incidentally. My profile on the BDSM-type site doesn't even get responses.

If you've already decided that life is so unworthwhile that you will kill yourself in two years... you are making for a self fulfilling prophecy, because what other person would enter into a relationship with you, knowing that kind of responsibility is hanging over their head?

Well, it's not like I'm going to *tell* them that.

Two years *is* an arbitrary figure, except that it should be "long enough" - it would be silly to say "I'm going to kill myself if I don't get a date in the next two weeks."

I'm sorry, but I don't see that my life *has* any meaning other than what I can do for other people. It's not as if I'm a great writer or an accomplished musician, or something like that. Even my career skills come down to: knowing how to write unreadable Perl scripts, and saying "Have you tried turning it off and on again?" every so often.

xpost: Bah, I don't think anyone I know gets PC Format. My main excuse for not buying PC mags is the bloody ridiculous price on the cover.

xpost to Shiv-boy, obv.

Well, that's not the way it's coming off from the way you're talking here.

What it sounds like to me, is that your life doesn't have any meeting other that what you potential partner can do you for *you*.

Is anyone up for a serious thread on "what's the difference between self-harm and masochism"? I've always wanted to discuss that, but I can't remember if I've ever got around to starting it.

If you haven't, I suggest you do. Seriously. I actually thought of that thread you started when I saw it.

What thread of mine did it make you think of? The "do you know why things turn you on?" one? The "What's your kinkiest fetish" one?

(xpost)

(actually, all the threads I start are either about kinky sex, or are under the guise of Logged Out, I think.)

Anyway. Here we are. Kinky masochism vs. self-harming

My profile on the BDSM-type site doesn't even get responses.

But a profile's an object, not an action? You can still take the first step? Er, of course BDSM sites might not encourage that :)

Yay, came back from my meeting to find email from Young Adam saying "argh, software testing, argh!"

St Pancreas, hehe

That was my reward for actually having to sit and TALK to a USER for half an hour. Icky users, making demands of my beautiful database.

I'm trying to think of what you can give up. Chocolate. Mwah hah hah. Caffeine. The problem is, all the vices I have left, I could NEVER give up.

I have managed to drink only one cup of caffeinated beverage in the past 36 hours or so. Sugar, on the other hand, is much harder to do without.

xxpost No doughnuts? Whatever happened to Emsk's doughnut courier service? There are some left over here and it's a nice day for a long ride...

xpost me too, I had sugar in my tea with my doughnut and now I almost expect about to see sparks in my peripheral vision

none of these were new years resolutions, by the way. i just kinda.. decided lately.

Clearly, your network was flooded by dust packets. Blame the teenager. Or the mice.

I have a shiny box with Tiger in it sitting on my desk, which I'm going to install tomorrow, assuming the computer doesn't explode before then

Whoa, Tiger. (I don't even know what Tiger is, I just wanted to say that.)

And I have been avoiding the Betty Friedan thread like the plague. I think I know what Momus would *like* to be saying, re: Emotional Labour becoming commodified and needing to be more highly valued. But I would be too scared to get in there and give him a smackdown because I just presume, knowing him, that he's going to be taking the whole "emotional labour = wimmins wurk" tack. I just don't want to think about it.

(Tiger is a Mac operating system which has been out for months and my work has refused to upgrade to, causing me horrible networking problems and lack of shiny new toys)

Now I'm trying to repair permissions and it just told me to fuck off.

I hope it literally did say that. I hate annoyingly polite error messages.

I mean, it's OK, I'm fine with the new line manager, even though I really like the old line manager. It's just a bit weird.

> let me eat my tea in peace

tea at teatime. hurray.

Yes, Momus. I think there is lots of neutral space between roles. I think there are more than two roles in the world, many more. I think there are entirely different roles we haven't constructed yet. And I like the idea of a society in which people have a good deal of liberty to choose how to place themselves within that: to choose one role or another, to cobble together elements of various roles, or to find entirely new roles that suit them.

But then a Momus reply follows that makes me want to jab a pencil through his nutsack, so I stay out of it. Sigh.

Yes! Exactly! It's almost as if Momus is talking... shit!

What does she think of all the people who are thinking about her when having sex with their partners?

(NB: I have never actually done this myself, as far as I can remember, but there must be a lot of people who do)

I was just reading about Julie Birchill giving up journalism to find god and take lots of holidays for a year

Apparently she's already found god (which she likened to being covered in vaseline or something, iirc) and is going to study theology

I'm not sure I believe this.

The covered in vaseline part made me think this was about D1T3.

I guess that means they had a coke-fuelled late night laugh-in and thought up what they imagined were the stupidest ideas for TV ever, then one said to the other: "I bet we could sell these"

I was so upset that one of the on-call shrinks took me aside to talk me down. I'm kind of disturbed by how upset I am, but I know that it's transference and that you are *supposed* to build up a trust-bond with your therapist or it doesn't work. But I was freaking out going "I'm in therapy for anger management, one of the key issues that was brought up in my evaluation that is a trigger is ABANDONMENT by important men in my life - my father, my brother, my former partner - just fucking off and disappearing - and now you are TRIGGERING it all over again by being Just One More Man who pisses off and abandons me."

So I'm in an extra-special rubbish mood today. :-(

Which, of course, makes me think that either he, or a close member of his family is in hospital and I'm a selfish utter shit for being so upset. But it's kind of the ... not KNOWING that is causing so much psychological distresss. :-(

Blah blah, I shouldn't have read that Willing Slaves book. But the funny thing is, my line manager - whoops, former line manager :-( - actually came over to me this morning and started talking to me about the issues raised in that book. So if she realises that the overwork culture is not good for any of us, we might be able to change the culture in this department from the top down. Maybe.

i had a dream where everyone in it including me was david shrigley cartoons - i woke up a bit frightened and a bit giggling and i wish i'd written the details down because now i have forgotten.

x-post argh! That's seriously disturbing.

http://www.davidshrigley.com/images/drawings/3rd_bed/6_beast_that_u_r.jpg

also i just sold a cd on amazon for £20 woo! perhaps i can go out tonight and tomorrow after all.

oh, and i am going to germany for two weeks in march. it should be... an experience...

I drank some water and felt less tired, so maybe it was dehydration. I don't drink anywhere near as much water as I used to.

I get emails/texts from Daren every now and then - he's back in London now, but he's in Ealing. Problem is, every time he invites me out, it's always on a day I have something else planned. Bah, I need to get less of a life and be less busy.

What are you going to Germany for? Anything specific, or just a holiday?

"I've had a few complaints about your attitude over the past couple of days. You have to remember that we are a service department - I want you to think about that. I'm not going to take it any further, but I don't want to hear any more complaints"

:-(

I've got a day off for the gig next week, but it's not quite the same. Gigs are so stressful, it's not like a holiday. I just want to f*ck off to Paris for a week or something.

x-post, gah, that's awful, FP!

Funnily enough, no.

(other people have noticed I've not been feeling well, and have asked me what's up, but "an advert on an interweb dating site has made me want to kill myself" isn't exactly the sort of thing I feel comfortable telling them)

FWIW, I abandoned my (reception) desk altogether on Tuesday while I had a hour-long crying fit. I guess it was obvious I was upset though so I didn't even get to the point of being reprimanded.

(had a crying fit myself whilst driving home last night. Fortunately there weren't as many cyclists as normal, so I didn't hit anyone)

B&S, pub, um... i dunno! i'll probably be driving and i don't know the area or anything and i'm a bit of a noob when it comes to london. but the kat is awesome and will be able to help out a great deal. are you meeting other folx? cos i'd be up for meeting up or something, if you want to. this is a bit of a surprise, so er... well... what do you have in mind?

The problem isn't crying in front of people - it's that I feel like I want to cry, but there doesn't seem to be anything to come out.

Ho hum, what to do? I've just seen a job advertised which is almost identical to one I applied and was interviewed for a few months ago - I figure the person they appointed then has left and they've altered the job description slightly.

I was told at the time that I was second choice - so I guess I could reasonably apply again. But do I first phone up for an informal chat with the woman in charge who interviewed me last time, to check if it's worth my while trying again? Or would it be unprofessional for her to talk to me about it?

(Also I think I will see the girl who I think got the job, and so who has presumably just left, tomorrow as we were training together last year and it's the graduation do for full-timers. So I can pick her brains first maybe?)

er, ok. other people, (possibly Sinister people, possibly LiveJournal people, or robots, or FT types or grokes...), have organised something beforehand and i'm going to tag along in my usual way even though i'm not going to gig (i work in hammersmith, know a lot of the people involved, seems churlish not to. might be the closest we ever get to West London FAP after all). i just wondered whether you might be one of these people in this "largeish and somewhat random assortment of people" meeting at the duke of cornwall...

About to back up everything on to nice shiny new external drive then install Tiger, so if I'm not around tomorrow it means I've fucked something up. Goodnight

We're surprised here that someone's only said "have you tried turning it off and on again - hurr hurr hurr" to us once this week, and that was only a visiting sparky.

When Kate gets all stressed out, apply lovely Chinese soup and snuggling from a pointy nosed blond boy (he got really upset when I suggested he might be ginger and was all "I'm *NOT* ginger" so I was "hrrmmm... strawberry blond?")

Feeling a lot more calm today.

OK, I will stop now because I am revolting myself.

(Sorry, I just like saying that.)

Recent Apple OS names have included Cheetah, Puma, Jaguar, Panther... I think future ones will be cougar, lynx, leopard. I really hope ocelot will be one too, just because of the how-do-you-titillate-an-ocelot joke

i seem to find myself loving art brut more and more but they have a lot to answer for and i fear this is just the beginning.

Kate you have a joke about leotards? or Jean-François Lyotard?

A man and a leopard go into a pub. The man says: "A pint for me, and a pint for my leopard." They get served, and both down their pints. The man says: "Another pint for me, and another pint for my leopard". They get served, both down their pints, etc etc

By closing time the man is pretty drunk, and has drunk the leopard under the table - it's flat on the floor in the middle of the pub. As the barman calls time, the man tries to sneak out of the pub leaving the unconscious leopard behind. The barman shouts: "Oi! Mate! You can't leave that lying there!" And the man replies...

... "S'NOT A LION! S'A LEOPARD!!!"

And it's a shame, because I like their purpleness so much. Have they sorted out that whole "no guest list, ever, for anyone!!!" thing yet?

xpost there was no guestlist afaik (dunno for sure, didn't ask to be on one SHOCKAH) but now if you bring them a form you've picked up last time you were there and filled in and agree to let them spam you you can get in for £2 or £2.50, which sounds like a fair swap. i picked up loads of the forms so no one i know ever has to pay a fiver to get in there again.

No one is getting ANY work done today. :-)

Use these powers for good, and not ill.

I thought Chop Chop Bear Touch were much worse than Transmission, they may have had more chops but all their songs were complete shit. Transmission had one that sounded like That Petrol Emotion, which I was happy with.

I'm glad you can recall the OMFG TEH WINKAGE!!! discussion, I was beginning to think I'd imagined it.

the reason you can't fill the stuff in there is they want to know you're a returning punter (and obv squidge as much cash out of you as poss). you're meant to have picked it up the last time you were there and be bringing it back now.

oh lord, i seem to be listening to bloc party. (i have just put itunes on my computer and got a lead to go from it to the stereo and it's a bit like a new toy so i'm just letting it to its thing.) this is NOT a good record ned!

i am going to walk down oxford street slaying people with my winkery.

Yes, but I'm right, see. (In my own universe, which intersects with everyone else's in strange and not always edifying angles.)

Do the people on Oxford Street deserve slaying? If so, act without fear.

Again, lack of postage this week is down to me havign to do work - bah! I'm also being moved teams so I'm with the Analysts. This is good because I'm now with my own kind so I can suck their brains of knowledge, but bad becasue I can get away with doing nothing at the moment, which Iwon't be able to do now. Easy Street has come do a dead end!

Sorry people were feeling rubbish, glad people are a little happier now. Yay to Kate and her snuggles!

Yay to emsk and her amazing wink - I knew that it had magic powers, but I didn't think you could fling people across the floor Gandalf-stylee. Learn to pick up cigars like Matilda!

I remember the "Brilliant!" guy out of the Fast Show going "Films are brilliant! Even rubbish films are brilliant cos at least they tried!" which is a philosophy I try to attach to rubbish bands, but I often fail and end up thinking they're cretinous anyway. I wouldn't be surprised if you have the same attitude, although I would imagine you would be a little more jaded than me.

Yay to pianos!

I am wearing these stupid shoes with this little tiny - like one inch - heels because I am wearing a dress tonight. So I just went out to get lunch, caught the little tiny heel on some enurbled pavement and twisted my ankle. Badly. Guess that means no dancing for me tonight. Argh.

the people on oxford street definitely deserve slaying, there are too many of them and they have orange faces and think la senza is good (f).

I remember the "Brilliant!" guy out of the Fast Show going "Films are brilliant! Even rubbish films are brilliant cos at least they tried!" which is a philosophy I try to attach to rubbish bands, but I often fail and end up thinking they're cretinous anyway. I wouldn't be surprised if you have the same attitude, although I would imagine you would be a little more jaded than me.

ir NOT jaded! i always expect everything to be brilliant, i will never learn. i hate when people come back with "well, i don't see YOU up there, let's see how good YOU would be in a band, huh, huh" and i'm like "OH FFS there is a REASON i am not in a band, it is because i would be SHIT, i have no musicality and when i open my mouth to sing BAD THINGS HAPPEN like alanis morrisette (sp?) in dogma but at least i REALISE that nothing good would come of me being up there on that stage and have the grace not to inflict it on others, so there."

No - I don't mean JADED as such - I just mean that cos you see more bands than me, you tolerance level for shitness maybe a little lower. This might be a guess tho - and probably a wrong one on reflection, thinking about how enthusiastic you are about EVERYTHING!

I too have never got the "You can't criticise unless you can do better" argument - it assumes making art is exactly the same process as experiencing art, which isn't true at all.

And if you slay people on Oxford St, you'll bring the numbers down, so then Oxford St. will be okay - think of it like deer culling.

OK, Emsk, I can genuinely, positively say that I think you have a better singing voice than Alanis. So there.

"WET PAINT. Please bee [sic] careful. Touching up drives me CRAZY."

yeah kate get loads of ice an ting and try and fix yourself! or alternatively drink enuff that you Just Don't Care. er no, actually perhaps that is a bad idea. (were you there when dominic twisted his ankle and sarah went to the shop to get ice and came back with loads of frozen peas?)

"don't criticise unless you can do better" is RUBBISH the moment that you have paid money to experience them. (Also, I am arrogant enough to think that with most indie bands, I *could* do better.)

(However, it is not as bad as OH NO ITCHY FOOT OH NO like I had yesterday.)

http://www.casio-europe.com/euro/emi/ap33/

Is that reason enought o go home to bed I wodner? Probably not.

Our shower thermostat is also well and truly BUGGERED and as I am someone who needs contact with VERY hot water every day, I feel TOTALLY creepycrawly as a result.

Don't really know what's wrong with me. Lots of sleep and a 2 hour bath and loads of amazing sex and then snuggling and movies couldn't calm me down. I'm just a big bundle of ARRRGGH, OH NO, ARRRGGGH.

poster for 93ft east at the end of my road lists 3 non-shimura bands for tonight. is it wrong or are you an addition? oh, it's a dj gig, that'll explain it. (one of bands is televise which i believe is ex slowdive people, yes simon scott.)

I'm feeling a bit disconnected today. Not sure why.

I'm still alive, but at least I have my office desk and PC back now.

Anyone up for a FAP on Friday night still? Although it looks like I'd be going to London on my own now, and I'd have to make my own way back to my hotel on the North Circular "within walking distance of Barking station".

(I'm going to a wedding, so I've got a bit of time to kill between the ceremony and the party, which are both in the Mile End / Bow area)

OK, I was practically crying with stress on Monday, but still.

One thing that has cheered me up: on my way to London on Friday, I'm going to stop off at our other office to give a box of chocolates to the kinky woman who flirts with me on the phone. Woo!

While I was crushed by my bus crush brandishing roses on the way home last night (but it's probably a good thing really, as I'd only make an idiot out of myself and made the journey to work hell), I had a mini Shimura Curves office dance party with my headphones and a locked dooe (I was there in spirit, honest), and then spent the night flirting via email with a kinky lady myself! So, not too bad today ;). And I've even fixed some of the AD problems this morning! Hurrah!

(I've never actually *met* her, just talked on the phone)

Oooh, Ian, how is she kinky?

Hah. Not. A. Chance, FP :).

The lady I flirt with has dropped some rather explicit hints that she's into BDSM, and is mostly sub - comments about enjoying wearing "a collar and a smile", and that sort of thing.

You could always post anonymously. I think people might guess who it is, though.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/22news/

(And that's a bit of a weird reference!)

*xp* Well, it involves a little of BDSM, but with a few extra kinks thrown in for good measure. I do wonder whether all this virtual chat will help my self-confidence in real-life; so far, all evidence points to no, but it's fun right now, I guess.

I didn't defect - but I didn't want to keep embarrassing Mr Dial either.

*yawn*

Forest and I have swapped a few internet personal sites behind closed doors :)

1) got in to work to find a smashed window (foul play or rogue wheelie bin, who can say?)

2) told a student off for swearing (that was quite fun; I felt like a teacher)

Last day of the week for me today, so I should be all happy and ready to run through the day; at the moment, the thought of catching up on a little sleep on my desk is v. tempting!

I don't suppose you have a spare hot X bun, do you Archel? I so fancy one of those right now.

It was GOOD.

Tomorrow: off (so I can drive to London)
Next friday: the afternoon off (so I can drive to Wales)
The following week: off completely (so I can Do My Bit by doing volunteer work all week)

Maybe today should be doughnut day. My colleague next to me agrees. And it's her turn to get them in! Things are looking up.

Poor but happy :/

I quite fancy the idea of picking a pub that does food too, so I can have my tea there instead of bargain-hotel restaurant food.

My therapist has disappeared.

Third week running. The first week, someone rang me to cancel the appointment. He rang me back and rescheduled. The second week, he just didn't turn up. I freaked, but one of the other councillers told me he was out for "personal reasons" and that he would ring me to reschedule. He rang me right in the middle of soundcheck, so I told him "look, I'm sorry, I can't talk now, I'm working - can you please ring me back tomorrow?" He said he would call me the next day - now it's two days, and nothing. My regularly scheduled appointment was this morning. I didn't want to just go and have him not turn up, so I stayed home and waited to see if he would call back. Nothing.

I don't know what to do. :-(

BTW - for organising tomorrow night: do you still have my phone number?

But yeah, I have your phone number. Do you still have mine?

***

"Our client seemed to be a modern troubadour, for she carried an unusual stringed instrument..."

I mean, one of the biggest issues that we're supposed to be addressing in therapy is the fact that every. single. important. male in my life has physically walked out on me or emotionally absented himself from me - my father, my brother, significant partners, etc. - and now I'm just seeing this as just one more useless male who has bailed on me, without even an excuse or an explanation.

Part of the whole reason therapy works, if it works, is that you are able to build up some kind of intimacy and trust with your therapist. The whole pattern that we're supposed to be working on breaking (that men will always leave, and the anger and self loathing that this causes) he now REINFORCING. My trust in him has utterly plummetted to about zero. Why should I listen to a word he or his therapy has to say?

It's like we went through all this kind of stuff to identify the areas that I needed to work on, but instead of working on them, it's like he just took a GIANT BIG KNIFE and stabbed me in the bit that hurts. (Classic trick of my family's - gain intimacy so that you have something to beat the person with when they piss you off.)

Even if he *were* to come back at this point, I no longer trust him not to fuck off and fuck me over again. :-(

But that's the other thing... I mean, "personal reasons" could mean just about anything. And they WON'T TELL ME. Which only makes me more panicked and more resentful, because what if it turns out to be something really terrible, then I'll feel GUILTY AS HELL about the way that I feel. But I'm not going to apologise, this *is* the way that I feel.

As usual, not knowing is the worst thing. But that's what men do, they just fuck off, and never tell you why.

xpost

God, I didn't want to start talking about this, because I knew I wouldn't be able to stop.

Someone post pictures of puppies or something. :-(

ihttp://www.bluecross.org.uk/web/MultimediaFiles/LEWKNOR-OPENING.JPG

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2363/1091/400/boobies.jpg

(couldn't resist)

aw kate. i know this is serious. all i can think is there MUST be something seriously up in his personal life for him to do this, esp as he's so aware of how other men in your life have behaved. i think the fact that he called you on tues shows that he does know this and doesn't want to let you down, it's just incredibly bad luck that that was the only time he could call.

Kate, you do know that whatever his problems are, they're not to do with you, don't you? That it's not in some way your fault?

http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2005/05/04/Boris2204_gallery.jpg

Giant smiling Boris:

http://www.pressgazette.co.uk/resource.php?l=johnson

Boris in a tux:

http://www.balliol.ox.ac.uk/applying/ugprospectus/prospectus_Page_17_Image_0005.jpg

Errrr.... what?

http://www.nyheter.nu/kultur/kjellbrooz.jpg

Congratulations, G-Kit and Missus Kit. 10 years? The mind boggles.

(really sorry you're upset and agitated, Kate)

I can't process this. I can only prop myself up with fantasy.

He booked the main meeting room for a meeting with a supplier, for 9-10. Someone else then booked it again, for 2-3. The supplier then turns up this morning, at 10am, with a carefully prepared presentation and agenda for a five-hour meeting.

Only this very day my office has been engaged in a surreal debate with the elf and safety about whether or not we could have a new printer installed. Such is the volume of correspondence that the old printer packed up the other day, and some of my letters have been piling up (for which apologies to anyone out there expecting an answer).

So we got on to the works department, located a new Hewlett Packard, but were amazed to be told that the device could not be transported 200 yards by anyone in the IT department.

Nah, they said; we can't do that. You need someone specially trained to do that, they said. It's the elf and safety innit. You'll have to wait two days, they said. So in the end we had to carry it ourselves and now it is of course chuntering out great quires of correspondence.

But what kind of madness is it, I ask, that prevents a couple of grown men from transporting a Hewlett Packard gizmo not much bigger than a milkmaid's footstool?

So everyone else is off work today, huh.

I'm so disappointed in Tamara Drew. I love(d) Posy Simmons but it's a bit of a let-down. Maybe it's better read in one big go instead of drip-fed.

Dropped the PA off at the drummer of my (now ex) band's place last night. He was all subdued and down, the fool. Have the van 'till monday, most likely I'll just stick the keys through his letterbox when he's out then. I don't need any grief, or worse still "thanks mate for all the years you put in (even though I shat on you)"

I guess there's probably a balance in band leader members - someone who is laid back enough that s/he's nice to get on w/, yet not so much that nothing ever gets done, yet who has enough get-up-&-go to book gigs, push the band etc, but not so much that s/he is a total dick. I've never encountered it, I imagine that bands who get this balace right and who can keep it this way are the successful ones.

wtf anyway, I'll stick up an ad in locam musick shops in a coupla weeks - "barely competent middle-aged guitarist seeks band for fun - any age/sex/race I like hawkwind, van der graaf, magazine, I hate the clash, "classic" songwriting, britpop", summat like that. I want to build up my guitaring skillx0rz.

That seems quite rare.

Interesting reactions the Clash provoke. I think I might be alone in being indifferent.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/02/17/business/17walmart.html?th&

Blimey

"Wal-Mart's focus has been on lower income and lower-middle income consumers," he wrote. "In the last four years or so, with the price of fuel being what it is, that customer has had the most difficult time. The upper-end customer got a tremendous number of tax breaks about four years ago. They have been doing very well in this economy."

Blarg, after getting kicked out of bed early by Young Adam, I had to spend the whole morning in training.

However, the owner of the company spotted me working late, and actually came over to talk to me (sans cigar) and managed to solve one of my ongoing problems with this horrible report. Which was good.

Pash, what ended up happening with this band? Were they of the cunting variety or the timewaster variety?

It's so hard, as a bandleader, to tread the line. Because you don't want to be mean and you don't want to be a cunt, but at the same time, it can be very frustrating when you end up having to do EVERY BLOODY THING and you feel like you're not getting any support from your bandmates. But then again, that's why we have a manager. So we can all shout at Emsk and she runs around and sorts stuff out.

I played in the band for 3-4 years, the bass player recently left, and the new guy they wanted to get in came with a keyboard player attached, they basically offered him the job behind my back ("they" meaning the drummer, going on his previous form) and I found out early because the lighting guy tipped me off. They were going to offer me the foh mixing job as consolation, would you believe. The drummer didn't want me to pack it all in, because he was worried that the new guy wouldn't work out! Can you believe that?! I told him to fuck off. I'd be upset, but it's so totally archetypal of the way this guy behaves that it's funny, plus, even though it's been enjoyable, and it's improved my keyboard playing skills & onstage confidence loads, I'm getting a bit sick of playing other ppls songs (to, like, 200 people at a go) I'd rather play my own music (to, like 10 people at a go)

I don't mind playing in a dictatorial band, as long as ppl are a/honest and b/communicate what they actually want, rather than blethering in a vague manner. I'm certainly a worker, extra-musically as well. I'd love to be a fly on the wall at load out time at their next gig, when they realise that the 2 ppl who did all the heavy lifting (me, and the outgoing sound enginner, kim, who the drummer terminally fucked off 1 week previously) are now no longer here, and this p a system isn't going to load itself into the van.

I also not with some amusement the total lack of communication from the singer (who I used to pick up for every gig in the last year) who I know had no idea abt the drummer's plan, or the main guitarist. Ain't it always the way.

I'll email the ex sound gurl, I think. She's a pretty cool person & she has a regular job @ a big venue in nwcstl, where she said they were short of sound crew. And paid well, heh.

(Though, OK, it's the only song of theirs I would probably recognise as it's the one about the Katies. Oh, that might be why he's singing it. Cause there are an awful lot of us on this floor.)

Mrs Webber's Diary rules. It was in the loo in my parents' house while I was growing up, and I loved Posy Simmons's style before I understood what I was reading.

Anyone else around this afternoon?