Is there any subject so banal that ILE will not discuss it?

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No, really. Is there?

Let the banal intercourse begin!

― kate (kate), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Obviously not.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"banal intercourse"

Isn't that an oxymoron?

― NA. (Nick A.), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:13 (twenty-two years ago)

of course not, banal conversations is the best thread I ever started!

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Or was the "b" unintentional?

― NA. (Nick A.), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:14 (twenty-two years ago)

and I can't search for that old thread because:

"Problem performing search:
Server Too Busy
The server is 30% too busy right now. You will be able to perform your search once the percentage falls to zero. Try again in a few minutes."

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Goddamnit, I came up with the term banal intercourse, Kate! You best leave Pavlov's Horndogs alone otherwise we shall have angry discourse!

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Threads I have actually abandonned the idea of posting, due to their subject matter being TOO banal, even for ILE:

-Flapjacks: Search And Destroy
-Taking Sides: Clerkenwell vs. Bloomsbury

(My favourite flavour Flapjack is actually Bakewell Tart, with Chocolate Orange coming a close second.)

― kate (kate), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Share your most banal conversations with the world!

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

server too busy: discuss.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

i used to pronounce banal like 'bay-nal'

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Forks. classic or dud?

― That Girl (thatgirl), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Banality rules, seriousness is massively overrated. That is all.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

(and forks = classic, obv)

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

No, this isn't about banal conversations. It is about subjects that we fear are so dull that even ILXors will not discuss them. Like Flapjacks.

(Does anyone else have a tune that they sing when the server is busy? I althoughs thought "Turn Back Oh Poxy Fool" should go to the tune of "Lead On, Oh Kinky Turtle".)

― kate (kate), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I dunno Matt, they don't have the scooping ability of say, a spoon, and they leave holes in yr food. I say dud.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Ah, but for poking into things and picking them up eh ddg? Plus for the holding steady of objects whilst bringing THE KNIFE into play...

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Back in previous centuries and more unenlightened times, there were no forks. There were only knives and spoons. When forks were first invented, polite company shunned them because they reminded folk of the pitchfork, which was the SIGN OF THE DEVIL!!!

I know this from reading the Green Knowe books!

― kate (kate), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

some threads that were never picked up:

Maybe I could have had her sing on my song, but I wimped out... :(
Cleveland Steamers? Classic or Dud?
What Would Happen if Morales Wins in Bolivia?
Why karaoke is bad for you....
Gimme Shelter!
Meltdown Q
H4x0r Economist - k33ping d3m0cr4cy l33t 51Nc3 1987
aloha via satellite
Whatever happened to my rock and roll?
Broadway on Steroids!
Transformers Flash Game!
Please Explain The Look People

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

So devil-sign = classic. QED.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

but we are always discussing things like flapjacks, i want more flapjacks and less poxy trucker hats and vice magazine!

Turn Back Oh Poxy Fool = total vocodor voice

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

My bread has gone mouldy. I will have to buy a new loaf and throw the old one away. Just thought I should let you know.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Forks are evil and therefore dud.

No one else has an opinion on flapjacks. Sigh.

D'oh, crosspost, and someone WILL discuss flapjacks! hooray!

― kate (kate), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:24 (twenty-two years ago)

My favourite flavour Flapjack is actually Bakewell Tart

Kate, you have really upset me now, oplease don't tell me there is some horrible bastardised flapjack that claims to have any thing to do with a bakewell!! (Mind you, there's no such thing as a Bakewell tart)

― chris (chris), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

it's weird how bread goes mouldy.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Staplers. I bet no one would discuss staplers, but I have much to say about that topic. Flapjacks is totally not a banal topic, Kate!

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

toilet paper, under or over?

― That Girl (thatgirl), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, then, go for it: Flapjacks: Search and Destroy

― kate (kate), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I have a really good stapler at work, but now I have a super cool new binding machine, I don't use it so much.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

I have a stapler on my desk that I never ever use, it's a legacy from the guy who had my crappy job before me. I don't know what he did with it, but everybody else in the office uses MY stapler. Even though there are others.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:29 (twenty-two years ago)

My binding machine has gone to cobblers, I'm like wtf? It won't put holes on an even keel all of a sudden but it doesn't seem like there's anything jammed in it.

I bought like $20 staplers for me and my favorite people inthe office, they are swanky and staple well, even through thick bits of paper!

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I used to take the subway past the Swingline Staple(s|rs) factory, and the neon sign that exchanged the "s" for "rs" was a great joy.

They tore it down right about when I left NYC.

Swingline staplers are still the best.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:31 (twenty-two years ago)

nevah mind staplers, what abt punchers - two holes or four? or three!? or one!?

― zebedee (zebedee), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I never understood the use of any hole puncher besides the three hole.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I have a four-hole puncher. I defend it against all the evil stationary thieves in this office! THey're after my stapler, as well, but they CAN'T HAVE IT!!!

― kate (kate), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:34 (twenty-two years ago)

dude, our binding machine is like super hi-tech, you don't have to make holes in anything, just drop the pages in the cover, put it on this toaster thing, and then there you go, your pages are all bound nice and neat!

two holes only! 4-hole punching should be illegal.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:36 (twenty-two years ago)

TWO HOLES?? What on earth would you need a two holer for anyway? What purpose does that serve? Who has two hole binders?

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:37 (twenty-two years ago)

2-hole punching is for legal files and medical records and the like. . .

― That Girl (thatgirl), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Three-hole punchers or death.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:39 (twenty-two years ago)

actually, I hate ring binders with a passion, they mess up the library shelves. Like, 30 pages in a ring-binder, why?????

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:40 (twenty-two years ago)

i have a number of two-hole binders, they're nice, economical and leat to less wastake of paper than the four- or three-hole holepunches (two less circles of paper, you see)... so :-P Ally

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think we have 3-hole binders much in the UK, I've only ever seen one, and that was American.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:41 (twenty-two years ago)

three-hole binding is a preposterous idea...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:43 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, Dave makes a good point!

anyway:

Correction Fluid: classic or dud?

I say dud.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:43 (twenty-two years ago)

classic for sniffing when you were at school

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:43 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.virtualstapler.com/office_space/images/milton_grab_2.jpg

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:44 (twenty-two years ago)

2 hole binders obv.

Massive chunky staplers or nothing.

Jel is OTM about correction fluid.

Nothing to say about flapjacks.

Taking sides: fingernails vs toenails.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:45 (twenty-two years ago)

nickalicious is posting stapler porn!

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:46 (twenty-two years ago)

coloured correction fluid!

― Alan (Alan), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:46 (twenty-two years ago)

correction tpae vs correction fluid vs being perfect

― kephm, Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 35 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

no mark c! I am the man who bought stationary out of the dark ages! My place in history is assured!

yeah, save me! save me from the nothing I've become < /evanescence>

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Damn straight. Begone, foul locks in front the ear! Begone!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

We will save Jel after we have photocopied his bum.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Ned vs. Hasidim: FITE!

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:52 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, it's almost like ned got an undercut! :)

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe his paranoia will increase exponentially until every hair on his head is threatened for coming too near the sideburnal area. Wouldn't that be awful!

Jel: what is this "stationary" of which you speak?

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

The standing-very-still one

― C J (C J), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Look, people. It's very easy to remember the difference because 'stationery' has the letter 'e' in it, and 'e' is for 'envelope'. See?

― C J (C J), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I am getting so confused between stationery and stationary :(

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Stationary Stationery is my new band!

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:57 (twenty-two years ago)

that's a good tip, thanks CJ.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

You're welcome. You'll never get that wrong again, now!

― C J (C J), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

"Mattingly, I thought I told you to trim those sideburns!" < /mr. burns>

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe his paranoia will increase exponentially until every hair on his head is threatened for coming too near the sideburnal area. Wouldn't that be awful!

I'm not THAT crazy. Yet. ;-) Actually, I have said if I ever go bald up top I figure I'll get rid of it all to avoid looking really sad (as opposed to now when I'm just looking sad).

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

The other way is to remember "stationary" is an adjective, and adjective endings are never "-ery".

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Ned's anti-sideburnitism look is bordering on that whole bohemian goth-industrial coffeehouse loiterer look with the shaved-sides-with-the-top-mane-tied-behind-the-back thing. All he's missing is the H.P. Lovecraft T-shirt and the tight black pants.

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

...and of course... REALLY SKINNY TALL BOOTS!

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I would never take away your own style from you, DB.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I would love a hole puncher. Three holes, please. I've also seen the two-hole jobbies, too. But most of my hole punching needs have gone toward the three holes, and besides, the middle hole can be ignored if you're wanting to fit the paper into a two-hole jobbie.

I love the stapler I have, too, but I can only punch so many pages in it before it starts getting easily jammed. What I would love is a stapler that can easily staple anywhere between 2 and 200 pages. I've seen some of them before, and they are awesome.

White-Out is good. Very good.

I adore Office Depot and Office Max. Mmmm, office supplies....

*cues "Seinfeld" theme*

― Innocent Dreamer (Dee the Lurker), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

and adjective endings are never "-ery".

That's a cheery tip.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

That just -y.

I'm off for the evening - thanks for a very entertaining 45 minutes y'all!!

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Fuck hole-punchers. Fuck them up their stupid asses.

― NA. (Nick A.), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:17 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, but NA, you wouldn't say that if you had a 5-hole puncher! You just wouldn't!

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Still not enough love for forks on this thread.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:21 (twenty-two years ago)

If I need to punch a hole in something, I do it with my fist.

― NA. (Nick A.), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:22 (twenty-two years ago)

man, forks, there are just so many forks, where do we begin? I would say search fish forks.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:22 (twenty-two years ago)

"cheerery"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I get the feeling hole-punchers picked on Nick in school or something.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Nah, he was just picked on by the neat kids who had everything correctly bound and filed.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, I was tortured with perfectly symmetrical wedgies.

― NA. (Nick A.), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:32 (twenty-two years ago)

That is simply otm.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Such abuse! I would never wear a Lovecraft shirt! I'd wear a Bierce one.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

*gibbers @ no. of new posts since off-handedly mentioning hole punchers (i happened to have a 4-hole in me hand at the time)*

― zebedee (zebedee), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:38 (twenty-two years ago)

A cursory search indicates that ILE has yet to devote a thread to toenails. I'd start one, if I actually had anything to say on the subject.

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 10 July 2003 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

"banal intercourse"??

Hey! I got a 100m roll of 1.5mm blue sleeved arctic grade flex in at my shop today!! (this = actually true, btw) Does anyone want to talk about that?

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 10 July 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Spork: best utensil that combines two other different utensils.

― weatheringdaleson (weatheringdaleson), Thursday, 10 July 2003 19:06 (twenty-two years ago)

End punching misery now, use wallet envelope files not ring binders.

― Bernie Ranson (Bernie), Thursday, 10 July 2003 19:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Remember because a stationer sells stationery. No one ever spells it stationar.

There was a small stationery story by De Montfort University that said 'STATIONARY' in big letters on it. Being a pedant, I always thought "well, of course...".

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:09 (twenty-two years ago)

toilet paper, under or over?
Sideways, sitting on the magazine shelf.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:13 (twenty-two years ago)

And as for the toilet paper question (had to hastily post this morning), over of course! It aggravates me when the toilet paper is placed in the "under" manner.

Ever notice how many different types of gum are out there on the marketplace? Even if I narrow it down to just the minty sugarfree kind that promises to whiten your teeth, I can spot at least three kinds sitting right next to each other. My favorite gum right now is the Orbit gum, but not the one with the hard shell coating. I like the one that comes in the flip-top lid with each little piece of soft gum wrapped individually in wax paper. Yum yum yum.

― Innocent Dreamer (Dee the Lurker), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:24 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.slowart.com/slow/religion/holy-sm.jpg

― Dada, Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I once saw my high school principal, this tiny little wisp of a nun, down like seven or eight bottles of beer right in front of me during a school fair that was being held sometime during an atypically warm spring. She was really putting them away. I can't even do that now. She never showed signs of being buzzed, not even at the end of the evening, a few hours after her consumption of said beverages. This memory will stick with me until the day I die.

― Innocent Dreamer (Dee the Lurker), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Nuns on the Piss

― kayT (kaytee), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Milo OTM.

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:27 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread turned out really bizarrely. I always knew about the stationery fetishists on this board, but this is downright odd!

Two holes are best, though I have the super-deluxe four-hole puncher.

Toilet paper should be over.

And male faces need sideburns, face it Ned, you are WEIRD.

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 09:06 (twenty-two years ago)

You say this like it's going to change my mind.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:55 (twenty-two years ago)

We have an answer to the original question posed:

Experimental Food Art

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 11:56 (twenty-two years ago)

j.lu, there was a thread about toenail clippers at one point, I believe...

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:10 (twenty-two years ago)

On TP: I had met militant "overs" (I AM militant "over"). I had met people oblivious to the import of the "over"/"under" issue. But I had never met a militant "under". So when I finally did, I married her. Whoever replaces the roll gets to exercise his/her preference, no subsequent re-orientation allowed.

Staples are ok. Any-hole binding sucks. I am enthralled by our office folding machine. It folds letters. It is sooo cool. Knives are sexy. Spoons are k-sexy. Forks are uh, diabolical and very unsexy.

― Hunter (Hunter), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Folding machine? What, does it fold three-ply? Because I have fond memories from zine-days of a strange hand-worked contraption that used to fold sheets of paper in half.

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:34 (twenty-two years ago)

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