Do you want children?

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and what if your partner has other ideas?

because i'm thinking that i don't. and that my gf does.

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll have your children...for dinner!
Mu-wah-ha-ha-ha!

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

mookieproof, see also this thread and this thread, which is less silly.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Or, hey, this one too

Children

― Broheems (diamond), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

mookie, How serious is your relationship? I mean are you a guy who aims marriage? (I can't get that thread title out of my head!)

My last bf and I broke up mainly over how our kids were to be raised and we weren't even preggo! (Further explanation: he was jewish & wanted his kids to be raised that way and in the end decided it didn't matter whether or not I agreed because I don't have jewish blood)

It seems kind of silly, but we did 'aim marraige,' so maybe it wasn't such a bad idea that we break up over it. Plus, then I got to meet NA.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:22 (twenty-one years ago)

pretty serious, and we are a few years older than y'all, so time's a bit of a pressing matter for her if she wants to get preggo. it's not that i specifically *don't* want them, but i have difficulty imagining a time in which i really *would*. not too adult, i guess.

her (younger) sister is due in six weeks, which i imagine might bring the matter into clarity one way or another fairly soon. thank god we have no religious issues. so to speak.

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I had a vasectomy years ago, which answers this, I think.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 14 November 2003 21:24 (twenty-one years ago)

That will do it.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 14 November 2003 21:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I have one, and I'd like another one I think... At least, I couldn't be with someone who absolutely said no way, no kids, forget it. Even if I never decide to have more (whether having my own or adopting), I need to know the option is here.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 November 2003 21:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I want children! I have children already, but can't ever get enough!

― Michael Jackson (nickalicious), Friday, 14 November 2003 21:31 (twenty-one years ago)

There must be a longer thread on this somewhere, but let's also talk about adoption.

I was reading about it online the other day, because I had listened to this NPR program about how it's getting harder and harder to adopt.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 14 November 2003 21:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Mookie, my girlfriend would say that in your case it means you are going to have kids whether you want to or not.

In my case, she really, really doesn't. Right now I am completely fine with that, although I realize that I might feel different in ten years or whatever.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 14 November 2003 21:36 (twenty-one years ago)

if you do decide to have children make sure they are really cute, because this makes it much easier to love them. when we had our baby we made sure that he was ridiculously adorable and it's a good thing too cuz otherwise we would have left him on a doorstep somewhere.(ha ha-just kidding!)
but be prepared to become shameless and annoying if you have kids.
Pictures? sure!

http://dutchtoenglish.com/rufus2.html

― scott seward, Friday, 14 November 2003 23:10 (twenty-one years ago)

The sleeping one at the bottom is just gorgeous.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 November 2003 23:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I aimed marriage, and got it. But now as a "young married" (me 25, mrs Nordic 24), we get the kid jokes all the time. Anyway, there is too much that we both want to do in the next few years to even take such jokes seriously. That said, Mrs Nordic's good friend is having a baby in March, and this makes us think even more how difficult our lives would be if we had other people to look after (I'm constantly impressed by Luna and Nickalicious and others managing this). My mother-in-law tries to be all "hip" about it, and she is always saying "when you have kids...in FIFTEEN years or something...". It's funny. As for Sarah M's previous BF- we are both very open-minded about how to deal with bringing up kids. Good thing too, because I am a Jewish boy from North London and Mrs Nordic is a minister's daughter from small-town Indiana! ;)

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Friday, 14 November 2003 23:25 (twenty-one years ago)

once i came to grips with the supposed reality that i probably 'couldnt' have children i decided i really didnt want them anyway.
now i have one.
how on earth could i have believed i didnt want any?

it is a biggie in the 'couples issue stakes'. either way, if one of you isnt comfortable with what happens, a hell of a lot of resentment can build up.
as far as nnot being able to imagine a time when you really would like to have children, you are certainly not alone in that. if you wait until you feel 'ready', however, you may never take the leap.

― donna (donna), Saturday, 15 November 2003 07:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd probably fuck them up too much. So no.

― jaymc (jaymc), Saturday, 15 November 2003 08:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Fuck them up the what?

― Antmusic78 (Antmusic78), Saturday, 15 November 2003 09:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey-oooooooooooo!

― jaymc (jaymc), Saturday, 15 November 2003 09:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Does anyone here actively plan to be a single parent?

― A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Saturday, 15 November 2003 10:40 (twenty-one years ago)

i dont like kids, but strangley enough sort of want to have a kid at some point.

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Saturday, 15 November 2003 10:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Would those of you who want kids ever consider adopting one?

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 15 November 2003 10:50 (twenty-one years ago)

yes yes and yes oops

― A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Saturday, 15 November 2003 10:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I really don't want to have kids at this point, for a combination of selfish and un-selfish reasons: I don't want the responsibility, and I really fear becoming even more bound to being a wage-slave thanks to having to support a family; and on the other hand, I just think the world could get increasingly awful over the coming several decades.

If I were married though, I could see myself ending up having them if my wife wanted them. I just hope they wouldn't turn around and say: why did you bring me into this world? If they are anything like me, they might do that.

― Rockist Scientist, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:27 (twenty-one years ago)

got a cat recently. much better.

― enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I really cannot wait to be a parent & luckily my partner is the same. I could never be with someone that didn't want children.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:30 (twenty-one years ago)

My wife and I have been trying for a few months now off and on. We'll start up again this weekend. I've got the sexy baby making robe all ready. My best friend and his wife just had a beautiful baby girl 4 weeks ago.

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Hmm... I want kids at some point, or at least A kid.

What I want to know is how hard is it to adopt if you're not married? If either you are in a relationship, but not official or if you are completely single?

On a lot of the adoption websites, the stories of families wanting kids are all along the lines of "we tried to have kids for over a decade but science failed us and now we're struggling to adopt..."

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I do worry about having kids though, I don't think my junk works properly. We'll see how it pans out over the next few months. If not, then its off to the docs to see what they can do. I'd be devastated if we cannot have kids. Maybe I need tighter undies?

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

No, tight makes it worse! Keep em cool.

― Madchen (Madchen), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Ice cubes in my undies!

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

It seems weird when people talk about 'trying' to have kids. I mean, you spend so much time and money trying not to have kids for so long, you'd think it was easy as pie to get knocked up.

I do hope, Chris, that everything is just fine in that department for you two. As for bringing in doctors, how do you feel about having twins? ;-)

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I always worry that I cannot have kids. There have been so many occassions that I have messed up with my pills & i often think well maybe i can't. :-(

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Its when your not trying to have kids that you have them. I wouldn't mind twins. But I see how hard it is to handle one newborn, nevermind two.

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:44 (twenty-one years ago)

That was my point, I am not trying at the moment (although if it did happen I would be over the moon) but I just worry is all.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

According to all my friends with children, its not as easy as you think. Another good friend of mine reassures me that it didn't happen right away for him and his wife, it took a good six months. maybe if i layed off the wanking...

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, stop spilling your seed, Chris! What a waste! ;-)

When I was a preteen, our new family doctor told me I'd probably never be able to have kids because of my back and I got terribly depressed about it. My mom yelled at him and we never went to see him again. Supposedly, he was just trying to scare me into drinking milk and sitting up straight, but I still fret about it from time to time. It was all very traumatic.

I had another doctor say I probably shouldn't have kids because of the bad shape my kidneys are in.

Screw them all!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

What I want to know is how hard is it to adopt if you're not married? If either you are in a relationship, but not official or if you are completely single?

My understanding is that is somewhat more difficult to adopt in the US as a single parent. I have a friend, though, who has adopted two awesome Vietnamese children. I think it was kinda expensive (not least for flying to and from Vietnam) but I'm not sure.

Also, it is crazy how she raises the two of them by herself. I am in awe of her.

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:54 (twenty-one years ago)

My younger sister is unable to have children, she had cancer when she was younger and it left her insides ina state not suitable for having kids. She was told this about 4 weeks ago and was devastated. But my mother has been prepping her for it for years. I guess at 22 when the reality hit...it was a lot worse. I feel bad.

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:54 (twenty-one years ago)

ugh, my mom just emailed me baby names. I thought she wasn't going to pull this crap on me.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I really want children, HSA is not so entirely sure. However, his mum is very keen on the having grandchildren front, so we may be able to outvote him. Or at least drug him with tannis root and do that Rosemary's Baby thing in reverse...

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

*shudders*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I want as many children as I can get away with. I'm fully in touch with my prime objective as a living organism- reproduce and extend my genetic line to the maximum. Also, kids are way fun and I can make them do chores.

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

That's what I thought for a while when I was little - that my parents just had us kids to be their slaves! :)

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

What makes you think differently now?

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

The ironic thing being, HSA has a very good relationship with his parents, while I have an utterly rubbish one. Perhaps I think "I could do better than them!" while HSA has too scary an image of his wonderful mum that we could never live up to?

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I have a kid - I absolutely had him to make him do chores.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 17:47 (twenty-one years ago)

how's that working out for ya?

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 18:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, the first couple years were slow going - unless I needed something drooled on or broken, but it's picking up now that he's 6.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 18:30 (twenty-one years ago)

"right then, you're old enough to type. Email these tax forms to the Government, will you?"

― Jeremy the Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, I can do that stuff myself - it's all about the MANUAL LABOR.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:26 (twenty-one years ago)

duh, that's what boyfriends are for

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes well, since all I have right now is a 6 year old and two dogs, I use the resources that are available to me.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:31 (twenty-one years ago)

ah, so you have them to fit your needed "mess-making" category?

― Jeremy the Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh so you forgot all about ME, huh? That's okay. I'll just pee on your bed.

― Hep the Cat (Oops), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:39 (twenty-one years ago)

As weird as this sounds, my mom was pretty indifferent to having children. My dad really really wanted kids. So my mom was like, "Well, okay." I asked her, "You were that casual about a LIFE ALTERING decision??" She looked at me and said, "Yeah." WTF?? Naturally, she is obsessed with her kids, can't imagine NOT being a mom, and has baby pictures up all over the house.

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Jeanne, that's the same story my mom tells, except she insisted on not having kids. Then my dad was like, "oh, please." And she was like, "Well, I know you'd make a great dad, so I'll have them for you." So I was born out of her love for my dad, but not her love for me, but she says she fell in love with me once she saw me.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Depends on what day you ask me. Most of the time, I enjoy other people's kids---then they go home after. Mum is after me to give her grandchildren. Course I asked her whether she expected me to "hump prospective candidates". I was kidding, but I honestly have time to think about it. Was an only child for much of my life, and I'd like prospective children to have brothers/sisters (if not a responsible father).

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 21:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Do I want children?

Well, I do plan someday to become a mother. Just not now. Not for awhile, anyway -- at the very least another nine years, approximately.

Curious, though. Half of my little circle of offline, longtime friends (i.e. 2 out of us 4) are pregnant at the moment. I'm predicting I'll be the last of the tiny circle to become a mother. Not like I don't mind or anything -- my parents were the last amongst their circles to become parents, so I'm just continuing the trend.

― Pancakes For Breakfast! (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 01:53 (twenty-one years ago)

yes

― see ar, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 03:07 (twenty-one years ago)

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