this is the ALL NEW thread where you copy and paste the posts that made you laugh out loud

-- Samson (sonnytremain...) (webmail), March 26th, 2003

----------------------------------

"Manchester, Enland" is a song from Hair. "Covering" a song means performing a new rendition of it.

-- Fritz Wollner (fritzwollner5...) (webmail), March 26th, 2003

sorry

Anyone else think that scene in Jackass: The Movie where the guy pees on snow and then eats it and pukes up was amongst the funniest things EVER?
-- Calum (calumr...), March 26th, 2003.

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That says it all, just right there. Yup. Reading Calum's posts is like watching a guy pee in the snow, eat it and vomit. It's gross, it's stupid, and you're not laughing with him, you're laughing AT him.
-- kate (masonicboo...), March 26th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But as long as you're laughing Kate, as long as you're laughing...
-- Calum (calumr...), March 26th, 2003.

And I don't mean sad in an "Oh god, you're so dumb..." way but in a genuine "Oh my god, I really feel pity for you" way.

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), March 26th, 2003. (later) (link)

Shakira: "Your ears say no, but that raging boner says yes."
-- nickalicious

-- Mike Hanle y (pennysong@japan.com), October 13th, 2001

-- nickalicious (nza234...), March 26th, 2003 9:55 AM. (later) (nickalicious)

-- teeny (teen...), March 26th, 2003 9:24 PM. (later)

*translation = you just about made me piss myself there Oops*

Sorry but it really did make me laugh!

Do not ream me up the ass with your clever "logic", Mr. Perry.
-- Chris Piuma (chri...), March 27th, 2003. (later)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't know if this is going to help Kate's date, but I read a fascinating thing today. The Italian renaissance poet Torquato Tasso fell in love with a girl called Lucrezia Benedidio. But she was dating another guy. Tasso started thinking that everybody was in league against him, and shortly afterwards went mad.
His rival -- who soon married Lucrezia -- was Machiavelli.
-- Momus (nic...), March 27th, 2003. (later)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do not ream me up the ass with your clever "history", Mr. Currie.
-- Chris Piuma (chri...), March 27th, 2003. (later)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everybody is in league against your ass, Piuma.
-- Momus (nic...), March 27th, 2003. (later)
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A league of my own! Hurrah.
-- Chris Piuma (chri...), March 27th, 2003. (later)

-- geeta (geet...), March 17th, 2003 5:57 AM.

Arrested three times I'm afraid. Don't care to go into it but at least one of those was for a "good cause."
-- Mr. Diamond (electrifyingmoj...), March 27th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

one night in the drunk tank when i was 19
-- Aaron A. (__...), March 27th, 2003.

they're on my ass right now
-- unknown or illegal user (doora...), March 27th, 2003.

but they'll never take me alive
-- unknown or illegal user (doora...), March 27th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope Elvis Costello licks Sting.
-- proton (proto...), May 23rd, 2001.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It would be fun to see Elvis COstello and Sting in a xxx film. Especially if Liz Taylor was watching in the backgruond and Michal Jackson was trying to mount her
-- Mike Hanley (pennyson...), May 23rd, 2001.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i hope i die that way too
-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...), March 26th, 2003.

-- Mike Taylor (current31...), March 26th, 2003 7:58 PM.
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...then they started a band, Sigur Ros.

-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), March 26th, 2003 7:59 PM.

-- That Girl (dallasd...), March 26th, 2003. (later)

-- s trife (tf3efc94y...), August 18th, 2002 10:55 PM.

I am going to spam the Guild Of Handsome Young Soundartists, inviting them to become regulars on ILX.
-- DV (dirtyvica...), March 27th, 2003.

Just because I am soooo amused by the concept of a Guild Of Handsome Young Soundartists.

hey mark s, btw, i think its pretty disingenuous for you to say that people trusting you is backhanded, you DID afterall e-mail ME and ask me to confide in you.
-- di smith (lucylure...), March 26th, 2003. (later)

To fill the vacant, Testament originally intented to auditionate ex-Ozzy axe-man Jake E. Lee, but when they heard James Murphy (Death, Obituary, Cancer, Disincarnate, Agent Steel and Konkra), they were so impresionated with him that they chosen him.

-- unknown or illegal user (doora...), March 27th, 2003. (later)

??
-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...), March 27th, 2003. (later)

oh nuthin, just thinking out loud
-- unknown or illegal user (doora...), March 27th, 2003. (later)

i wasn't getting at you di: by backhanded all i meant "yes it's nice to be trusted and i appreciate it BUT CAN I PLEASE STOP DOING THIS FUCKING JOB NOW AT LEAST FOR A WHILE AND PASS IT ON?"
yes i agree i could just have ignored the issue you raised, and walked away like i want to, so that i am certainly contributing to the co-dependency and this may seem disingenuous

the reason i want to stop is i am fed up and can no longer rely on my judgment

-- mark s (mar...), March 27th, 2003. (later)

-- Pete (pb1...), March 26th, 2003. (Pete)

If this were Buffy we would be saying "But Dawnie, we DO notice you!"
-- Jerry the Nipper (jerrythenippe...), March 27th, 2003 3:47 PM. (later)

Most ambitious costume = Elephant and Castle.
-- Matt DC (runmd...), March 27th, 2003 2:20 PM. (later)

-- gareth (garet...), March 27th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my arm just disappeared
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), March 27th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My fingers are disappearing one by o
-- Tim (hopkinsti...), March 27th, 2003.

Alan - this is going to be like when my dad volunteers to "fix" something, isn't it?
-- Matt DC (runmd...), March 27th, 2003.

Go for it Alan.
-- Tom (ebro...), March 27th, 2003.

Alan is going to replace everything with kittens, isn't he?
-- Nicole (nicolew1...), March 27th, 2003.

Alan will touch it and be electrocuted and then Q will re-emerge.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), March 27th, 2003.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), March 27th, 2003. (GeirHong)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Julio appears to be in the act of doing it too
-- oops (buttch9...), March 27th, 2003. (later)

in the interests of keeping up with this thread:

Ronan fucked some slugs and it turned out Graham fancied them.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), March 27th, 2003.

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and now when the slugs say hi to ronan in the canteen he's like all cold and distant, as if it totally didn't happen, and they're really upset
-- mark s (mar...), March 27th, 2003.

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It was like that one chapter of Angela's Ashes, apparently.
-- Ally (mlescau...), March 27th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

where the whole of ireland sleeps with ronan's mum
-- mark s (mar...), March 27th, 2003.

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which is my favourite chapter btw
-- mark s (mar...), March 27th, 2003.

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The extended version that goes on for 8 delightful minutes. What does he say in that big long speech bit?
-- Calum (calumr...), March 27th, 2003.

Answers
It's not that I'm agrophobic it's just that it's not safe to go outside anymore so I just stay indoors with my TV Times my petty crimes and my nursery rhymes, someone said that the sound of a baby crying is the most beautiful sound in the world, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder but as my heart grows colder and colder I just feel so tired. The fridge is empty, the walls are damp, there's no hot water and I look like a tramp and tramps like us baby we were born to walk but where does a mother's girl go when her mother's gone?
-- Tom (ebro...), March 27th, 2003.

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No, I REALLY want to know this.
Anyone?

-- Calum (calumr...), March 27th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

derek bailey was good last night calum.
-- Julio Desouza (juli...), March 27th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry Calum here are the real lyrics:
I’m drinking a soy latte I get a double shote It goes right through my body And you know I’m satisfied I drive a mini cooper and I’m feeling super-dooper Yo they tell I’m a trooper and you know I’m satisfied I do Yoga and pilates and the room is full of hotties so I’m checking out the bodies and you know I’m satisfied I’m digging on the isotopes this metaphysic’s shit is dope and if all this can give me hope you know I’m satisfied I got a lawyer and a manager an agent and a chef three nannies, an assistant and a driver and a jet a trainer and a butler and a bodyguard or five a gardener and a stylist do you think I’m satisfied?

-- Tom (ebro...), March 27th, 2003.

-- Aaron A. (__...), March 27th, 2003. (later)

This whold thread reminds me of the ruined snow penis.

-- Nicole (nicolew1...), March 27th, 2003 12:57 PM. (later)

me too. I'm RJGplays. -- RJG (r_gillander...), March 27th, 2003 4:33 PM.

What do you play? -- hstencil (hstenci...), March 27th, 2003 4:43 PM.

lady, if you have to etc. -- RJG (r_gillander...), March 27th, 2003 4:46 PM.

ah, I see: the skin flute. ; ) -- hstencil (hstenci...), March 27th, 2003 4:49 PM.

tmillar's right about this thread.

"intending to keep things only friendly," I meant to say.

-- Tep (te...), March 24th, 2003.

the revelations we've seen since dickie nix died blow me away

eg: about his dirty tricks circa '68 (mark s refers to) are staggering (sabotage the peace talks so americans vote against lbj; the theory about this is thought to be if '68 talks had worked 100,000 mostly black americans wouldn't have died (uh plus millions of vietnamese) ie maybe not continued the war even -- is this crime against humanity ? or just the most cynical political move post stalin-hitler pact ?)

do americans know about the new wave of pre-w.gate

or that young nixon in '56-'58 out of law school was attache/ travelling salesman for pepsi sales campaign in vietnam with use of helicopter to sell coke to vietnam (a campaign he knew pepsi was losing as was co.co., therefore failure to sales push coke into vietnam defined the line of commie resistance) -- nixon as prototype "yank freedom fighter" with helicopter & chemicals

if they aren't buying american coke they must be commie, and he knew he couldn't fly helicopters further into asia, hence early version of "domino"/ "resistance to american imperialism" theories

-- george gosset (ggosse...) (webmail), March 18th, 2003 9:00 PM. (gegoss) (link)

-- DV (dirtyvica...), March 26th, 2003.

i also imagined that Tumnus looked an awful lot like either Jeff Lynne or Brad Delp. which doesn't answer definitively his sexual preference, of course.
-- Tad (llamasfu...), November 30th, 2002.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tumnus singing "More Than a Feeling" = apocalypse

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 30th, 2002.

(well, i thought it was funny)

I wonder if the Motorcycle Man and the Indian were there.
-- Ally (mlescau...), March 28th, 2003.

I hasten to add it's more likely to be the 34 jam doughnuts she crams in her gob every day that's making her feel queasy......

-- russ t (russ.thoma...), March 28th, 2003.

-- Pete (pb1...), March 28th, 2003.

CONCLUSIONS
What can we conclude?
1. The original word is think.
2. Those who think it is "thing" are now in a slight majority, however.
3. The think crowd is strongest in the UK and the eastern US, but
there were no strong regional trends.
4. There were no age trends.
5. Judas Priest does not greatly influence our speech.
6. The think-->thing shift may have been caused by people reasoning
that "thing" is a more common noun.
Most importantly:
7. "Thing coming" and "think coming" sound so much alike that we
don't realize the other phrase being used unless it is in print, it is said very
distinctively, or someone starts a deliberate conversation just about this
phrase.
8. We can't take communication for granted, can we?
/quote

I trust her, she cares more than I do and her name is Funkhouser.

-- Simeon (simeonbradsha...), March 28th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah gay guys can drink more
-- Andrew Thames (cleanbridge...), March 29th, 2003. (later)

Roxy Music - "Frank, you have utterly missed the point. The worse something appears to be, the better it actually is!"

Alice Cooper - "No, the worse something appears to be, the FUNNIER it actually is!"

David Bowie - "What the fuck are you all talking about? Stuff that's going on outside my own head, obviously, or else I would care about it!"

Bruce Springsteen - "David, get your nose away from the mirror for a second! Alice, try and sober up for once! The stuff that goes on in my neighbourhood is like the whole world in miniature so all you have to do is look out your goddamn window and that's 'outreach' solved! Try it it's fun and makes everybody feel good!"

Iggy Pop - "Your neighbourhood's pussy, you should see my house"

-- dave q (scrape10...) (webmail), March 28th, 2003. (later)

(In an old boys' club, if there is only one Dorothy Parker, wont she be the Queen by default?)

-- Simon (larse...), May 20th, 2001 2:00 PM.

if you're starting to give out algonquin round table/ilm counterparts i wanna be herman mankiewicz .

-- ethan (epadget...), May 20th, 2001 2:00 PM.

IYW = In Yothers' Words, aka "This is what Tina Yothers of 'Family Ties' would say."
-- Dan Perry (djperr...)

-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), March 28th, 2003 6:04 PM. (James Blount)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

cool! so did i blount!! i think it ended with 'dude this roXoRs'

-- geeta (geet...), March 28th, 2003 6:07 PM. (geeta)

"Yousee Reeechurd, zees feelm eees not abowt zee sheeep, bert rahzur aboowt zeee Ahhhsberrrrrg, wheeeech eez zee nowvow Meeleneeyerrm..."

-- Gatinha (rwillmse...), March 27th, 2003 10:00 PM. (rwillmsen)

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I never even noticed the sheep.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), March 28th, 2003 10:03 PM. (nickdastoor)

and I'm still cracking up.

My baby picture:

http://www.ontarionature.org/action/images/snapping-turtle.jpg

Hanging out with some friends:

http://www.phoenixzoo.org/zoo/images/turtle.jpg

Out for a walk:

http://www.hilozoo.com/images/jewels/box%20turtle.jpg

At the dentist:

http://www.spcaec.com/departments/wildlife/turtle/turtle.jpg

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), March 27th, 2003 11:18 PM. (later) (nabisco) (link)

-- Sonny (sonnytremain...), March 29th, 2003 8:32 AM. (later)

-- Tijn (templetontij...), March 29th, 2003 6:37 AM.

(don't worry; i'm laughing at him)

-- gareth (garet...), March 29th, 2003 11:14 AM. (gareth)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

no

-- rosemary (rosemarygilber...), March 29th, 2003 2:39 PM. (rosemary)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If I ever meet you in RL, Alex, and you don't talk like that, there will be pugilism
-- Millar (tmilla...), March 29th, 2003. (later)

-- geeta (geet...), March 29th, 2003 2:24 AM. (geeta)
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vuarnet presents: the buddy holly collection

-- jess (dubplatestyl...), March 29th, 2003 2:25 AM. (dubplatestyle)

Ja Rule, the little midget motherfucker fool.
And 50-Cent, but he's already a piece of shit.

May they shoot eachother up with Shitlers and hit Ashitty and Enema-M (with peanuts) in the process.

-- Masaccio, The Evil Fucking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (masacci...), March 30th, 2003 12:59 AM.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Are people sitting around on a Saturday night googling for "shit" AND "Hitler?"

-- nickn (nickn62...), March 30th, 2003 1:42 AM. (nickn)

Anyway, back to the thread. What were we talking about again? Cheese?

-- geeta (geet...), March 30th, 2003 2:25 AM.

i have my earphones in, but no music is playing, I just turned off Kelly Osbourne by accident.
-- jel -- (freeduni...), March 13th, 2003.

-- Helltime Producto (jostababy197...), March 30th, 2003 11:31 AM.

(nb: this really did make me laugh out loud)

"Fuck Blur, where is our pie?"

-- Ally (mlescaut@att.net), March 30th, 2003.

-- geeta (geet...), March 31st, 2003. (later) (geeta)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

strangely he didn't mind my fascination with twisted sister tho

-- geeta (geet...), March 31st, 2003. (later) (geeta)

Missy and T.S. Elliot
-- Skottie (n...), March 30th, 2003 8:38 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Get Ur Wasteland On"
-- Jody Beth Rosen (edito...), March 30th, 2003 9:18 PM.

I dont know, it made me giggle. I think a visual of TS jiving around in a tracksuit doign handshape wars with Ezra Pound was what did it.

'all that thrusting'

only applies to those guys who do 'multiple thrusts'
-- dave q (scrape10...), March 31st, 2003.

The Too Long And Winding Song

-- Ally (garance8...), December 10th, 2000.

In fact, the exact interval of time during which "Hello Goodbye" goes from simply banal-bad to evil has been identified. Follow me, fowks:
You say yes,
Hm, not too bad a start, that. Nice simplistic Macca stacca rhythm: tum-dum-dum-dum-dum....

I say no.
Ah, dialectics.

You say stop,
What could possibly come next, contrasting with "stop" and rhyming with "no"?

And I say go, go, go.
Right. Oh I say, that proto-ob-la-di bassline is a bit annoying, isn't it?

Oh no!
Huh-huh-huh, these lyrics suck.

You say goodbye,
Reasonable cadence seems to be coming up here.

and I say hello.
There, closure. Well, it's a bit silly , but not too...

HELLO HELLO!
WTF was that?? Curb your manic greetings, you chipper bast!

I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello.
Oh I see, it was all a "device" to bring about a variation of the end of the stanza. Still should be worked on though, that major-triad trick was damned painful. OK, onwards to next verse or whatever...

HELLO HELLO!
AAAAARGH!

etc. Even all that "Hela, heba, helloa" nonsense at the end cannot make it any worse than it already is.

-- OleM (omhalc...), March 31st, 2003. (later)

Missy and T.S. Elliot
-- Skottie (n...), March 29th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Get Ur Wasteland On"
-- Jody Beth Rosen (edito...), March 30th, 2003. (Jody Beth Rosen)

Suzy, loud enough to entertain carriage: 'Well, at least I can change my seat but you'll have to wait hours before you can change that fucking skirt."

-- suzy (theartskooldisk...), March 31st, 2003. (later) (link)

-- jess (dubplatestyl...), June 6th, 2002.

i have been starting conversations about velcro/geezers all day, just os i can steal this quote.

-- felicity (felicityredwel...), April 1st, 2003. (later) (link)

WITH V CORPS HEADQUARTERS NEAR THE KUWAIT BORDER, March 31 - The Army announced tonight that seven women and children were killed this afternoon by American soldiers after a vehicle in which they were riding failed to stop after troops waved them down and fired warning shorts.

The Army said a full investigation of the incident was under way.

It was the first known incident since the start of the war of Iraqi civilians dying as direct result of American gunfire.

In the aftermath of the attack on March 29, when four soldiers of the Third Infantry Division were killed in a a car bomb explosion at a unit check point, the United States Military has warned troops in Iraq and Kuwait of possible terrorist acts against soldiers and marines, including suicide bombers. Soldiers have been especially warned to be careful at checkpoints as cars approach them.

The Army said that at 4:30 p.m. local time, a civilian vehicle approached a military checkpoint near the town of An Najaf on Route 9, about 100 miles south of Baghdad.

The incident involved soldiers of the 3rd Infantry Division, which is bearing the brunt of the Army's ground war.

The Army said soldiers at the checkpoint motioned for the vehicle to stop but were ignored. The soldiers then fired warning shots, which was also ignored by the driver, the Army said.

The soldiers then fired shots into the engine of the vehicle, ``but the vehicle kept moving toward the checkpoint,'' the Army said.

``Finally, as a last resort, the soldiers fired into the passenger compartment of the vehicle,'' the Army statement said.

The Army said that upon further investigation, it was determined that 13 women and children were in the vehicle. Seven of the occupants were killed, two were wounded and four were unharmed, the Army said.

No other details were immediately available.

-- Aaron W, March 31st, 2003. (later)

CORPORAL URKEL: Did I do that?

-- Dan Perry, March 31st, 2003. (later)

Or was it philosophers/statesmen?

-- oops (buttch9...), March 31st, 2003. (later) (Oops)
Don't forget "gentleman farmers."

-- hstencil (hstenci...), March 31st, 2003. (later)

"Mr. Moonlight" is abysmal.

-- Evan ( savage1561@juno.com ), Yesterday 4:54 AM.

you are insane

-- James Blount ( littlejohnnyjewel@excite.com ), Yesterday 4:56 AM.

"Run For Your Life" is based on a true story so no way it's worst

the "Golden Slumbers" suite is only great if you believe it's great, but if you believe it's great it's REALLY great

-- James Blount ( littlejohnnyjewel@excite.com ), Yesterday 5:16 AM.

(both bits. actually the second bit didn't actually make me laugh out loud, and I suspect this applies to much of this thread)

And then we had to give him away, due to my mother's allergies. The family who adopted him changed his name.

To "Snowball."

-- I'm Passing Open Windows (mslaur...), April 1st, 2003 3:21 PM.

Do it doggy style.
-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), March 31st, 2003.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Put a puppy under each wheel (beagles work best). It will reduce movement but may temporarily increase noise during sex.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), March 31st, 2003.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can someone explain 'doggy style' to Dan please?
-- mark p (m*****...), March 31st, 2003.
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"doggy style" = "licking own genitalia and anus"
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), March 31st, 2003.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can someone explain Dan to me please?
-- mark p (m*****...), March 31st, 2003.
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You rang?
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), March 31st, 2003.

You don't have to be Peter Arnett to realize that if the Army did in fact do something egregious they would do all they could to prevent word from getting out. However, unlike the Iraqi administration I don't think our soldiers are out to eradicate the Iraqi people.
-- oops (buttch9...), March 31st, 2003. (later)

You don't have to be Peter Arnett to realize that if the Army did in fact do something egregious they would do all they could to prevent word from getting out.
I don't think this follows; anyone with even a rudimentary grasp of the history of the Vietnam conflict would more than likely not agree with you. Of course, neither of us knows this minute what the facts truly are, or even the manner in which this story broke. I was merely speculating on what I *imagine* (key word: imagine) happened, based on what little I've read about the incident.

I don't think that either the Iraqi government or the U.S. government are out to "eradicate the Iraqi people." Perhaps "subdue" or "sublimate" or "oppress," but not "eradicate."

-- hstencil (hstenci...), March 31st, 2003. (later)

But feel free to post a flippant, one-sentence response, since that's your specialty.
-- hstencil (hstenci...), March 31st, 2003. (later)

Thanks!
-- oops (buttch9...), March 31st, 2003. (later)

Zing!
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), March 31st, 2003. (later)

Anyway, here's an interesting issue: does the Iraqi population know about the change in the U.S.'s rules of engagement? Since the U.S. killing Iraqi civilians plays into the Hussein regime's hands, and they control the media, perhaps this incident is in a sense what the Hussein regime is hoping for?
-- hstencil (hstenci...), March 31st, 2003. (later)

They (Iraqi citizens) already seem convinced that the US intentionally targeted those marketplaces so I don't think they need much more convincing.
(Feel free to overreact and take that personally)

-- oops (buttch9...), March 31st, 2003. (later)

forget it.
-- hstencil (hstenci...), March 31st, 2003. (later)

I see you've taken my advice.
-- oops (buttch9...), March 31st, 2003. (later)

sometimes i really wonder if people who say things like that have actually ever heard any music other than indie rock
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), March 28th, 2003 7:16 PM.

I can't believe someone reads Magnet Magazine. I thought it was just for birds to make nests out of.
-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...), March 28th, 2003 7:19 PM.

Don DeLillo - The day Nathans Famous ran out of mustard was etched forever on the mind of the Bikini Atoll islander, if not on his retinas, which were already etched pretty deeply with a bunch of radioactive shit

-- dave q (scra...), April 1st, 2003 12:45 AM.

Robert Heinlein -- "I'm all for free love and I really hate religious manipulators." "Oh, so you're a hippie commie." "NO I'M NOT GODDAMNIT"

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 1st, 2003 2:50 AM.

Paul Theroux's travel books: "I hate everyone but me, and I fucking hate traveling."

-- Nick A. (emmaa...), April 1st, 2003 3:06 AM.

Actually, this didn't make me laugh out loud so much as it made me stroke my chin and say, "How true. How true." Truly cutting political satire.

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), April 2nd, 2003.

they look like colored, fossilized hamster droppings

-- jess (dubplatestyl...), April 2nd, 2003.

and they taste like God's gift to mankind's tastebuds

-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), April 2nd, 2003.

As for the whole "copy & paste the posts that etc.":

I wonder who is getting peed on?

Ile, where art-criticism reaches new heights.

-- Erik (digibee...), March 31st, 2003.

Michel Houellebecq - "Honest monsieur film usher, that wasn't me jerking off in the balcony, that was my clone"

-- dave q (scrap...), April 1st, 2003. (later)

What if god was one of us?
-- hstencil (hstenci...) (webmail), April 1st, 2003 9:59 AM. (later)

-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), April 1st, 2003. (later) (Horace Mann)

I mean, that would be some party.

-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), April 1st, 2003. (later) (Horace Mann)

-- Lynskey (pau...), April 1st, 2003. (later) (Lynskey)

I like Charlie and anything that has an undercurrent of vanilla.

-- I'm Passing Open Windows (mslaur...), April 1st, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So that's vanilla flavoured heroin, then?

-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmore...), April 1st, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

or vanilla-scented Viet Cong

-- felicity (felicityredwel...), April 1st, 2003. (later) (link)

ARGH! BLOGGITTY BLOG BLOG BLOGGER BLOG BLOG BLOG...BLOG OFF, BLOG JOB, BLOG BLOG BLOG!!!!

Sorry, PF, but this is perhaps one of the most agonizingly pretentious pieces of garbage I've ever heard. Sounds like Don Henley doing an impression of someone with a conscience. I had a po-faced do- gooder social studies teacher in high school who tremendously earnestly used this song as the basis for a lecture on the effects of apathy. He was really down with the kids, maaaaan. He ended up developing an American Beauty-styled crush on a friend of mine, sending her flowers and talking about leaving his wife for her even though she was 15 and clearly not interested. Creepy old perv. All we could think to do was to key his car. That's just the way it is.

-- fritz (fritzwollner5...), January 2nd, 2002.

Joan Didion: Some people ask me, why do you hate fun? I never ask.
-- Justyn Dillingham (aubade8...), April 2nd, 2003.

What you fail to mention in that post, James, is that that didn't happen.
-- Ally (mlescau...), April 1st, 2003 6:55 PM.

it did too! - he kept saying "OUTRAGEOUS!" after every award and every performance no matter what, like Kenny Rogers would thank his grandma and Richie would shout "OUTRAGEOUS!". It was incredible.
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), April 1st, 2003 7:18 PM.

-- Mandee (Wolfshir...) (webmail), April 3rd, 2003 12:25 AM. (later) (link)

-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), April 1st, 2003. (later)

He looks like he's showing off his ear, like he's very proud of it. "Hey, ladies, speak into my GOOD ear."

He also needs a shave. He's got the wispy child-molestor moustache thing going on.

-- Nick A. (emmaa...), April 3rd, 2003.

-- Pete (pb1...), April 2nd, 2003. (later) (Pete)
yeah but what about oilx?

-- Alan (AlanTrewarth...), April 2nd, 2003. (later) (Alan)
it sounds australian

-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...), April 2nd, 2003. (later) (electricsound)

-- mark p (m*****...), April 3rd, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

is this that "art nun"?

-- jess (dubplatestyl...), April 3rd, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No. She's a sex teach.

-- mark p (m*****...), April 3rd, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the two arent mutually exclusive

-- jess (dubplatestyl...), April 3rd, 2003. (later) (link)

And as for this smoking ban (which is also going down in my just-a-step-above-podunk town), it doesn't really bother me that much, considering it's always been illegal for me to smoke what I smoke in these establishments. So nya.

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), April 2nd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nickalicious smokes baby corpses.
-- Nick A. (emmaa...), April 2nd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, or maybe vegans are more likely to not use deodorant.
-- Chris Piuma (chri...), April 2nd, 2003. (Chris Piuma)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Or maybe your friends are DIRTY FUCKING HIPPIES!
-- Nick A. (emmaa...), April 2nd, 2003. (Nick A.)

----------------------------------------

only up to 16 oz.
-- oops (buttch9...) (webmail), April 2nd, 2003

-- Jody Beth Rosen (edito...), April 2nd, 2003. (later) (Jody Beth Rosen)
i think of it often

-- jess (dubplatestyl...), April 2nd, 2003. (later) (dubplatestyle)
so does she.

-- Jody Beth Rosen (edito...), April 2nd, 2003. (later) (Jody Beth Rosen)
Now I kinda will too.

-- mark p (m*****...), April 2nd, 2003. (later) (Mark P)

-- gygax! (gygax0...), April 3rd, 2003

-- Tep (te...) (webmail), April 3rd, 2003 1:39 PM. (later) (ktepi)

Where did that brilliant Chuck Eddy one come from, Dave Q?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-- Millar (tmilla...), April 3rd, 2003. (later) (link)

-- eutopia (eutopic...), November 1st, 2002.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Duran Duran was originally the name of a mad scientist intent on conquering the universe in the file Barbarella.

-- Stewart Osborne (stewart.osborn...), November 1st, 2002.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

*a helpful translator appears*

he means the *film* 'barbarella'.:)

-- michael wells (wellsmj...), November 1st, 2002.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey thanks guys for your explanation... I think I knew that it is from a movie "Barbarella" starred by Jane Fonda... so Duran Duran = the freak Freinkenstan , which is some evil notion in your concept ? Or do you guys have any other positive intepretation for Duran Duran ? or in other words, does the band bring any sparkling notion for the name ? Will it be some taboo to the mass public just the same as "Modonna" = "Sexual Indecency ( of course this is not any more nowdays in China" ) to elderly Chinese? Bow again

-- eutopia (eutopic...), November 1st, 2002.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

duran durnan's Reflex is about drug addition.

I'll be damned, but that actually makes sense.

Anyhow, yes, Duran Duran is the freak Freinkenstan, which is definitely an evil notion in my concept, but there is also a sparkling notion, which is why they are great. That also sounds like the lyrics to their next song.

I'm loaded on cold meds right now, sorry.

Simon LeBon looks like my exboyfriend, minus the facial hair, in the View To A Kill video. It's freaky.

-- Ally (mlescau...), November 1st, 2002.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi Ally, is this the charming egoistic warm-hearted Ally Macbeal ? kidding... thanks for your opinion anyway... can you be more specific about the notion of Duran Duran to you personally ? is it cold, metal-like, hard to accept, weird ? Can it be related to anything positive like beauty, elegance, luxury, fashion etc...? just trying to understand the way you people insight things

-- eutopia (eutopic...), November 2nd, 2002.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please read this abstract. It is a great analysis of the meaning of the songs "Girls on Film, The Chauffeur, and Hungry Like the Wolf." Seriously, it is enlightening...it talks about the themes of sexuality and violence and of lesbianism and racism that are contained in those videos and Duran Duran's overall perspective of how women are tamed and controlled, Duran Duran and MTV. It's a very enlightening piece of work entitled "I am the Eye, You are Victim" which was a quote by Duran Duran. Check it out here: http://www.martnet.com/~bflysmle/kj/thesis.html

-- Dante Bell (lance...), November 8th, 2002.

That Duran Duran thread just kept getting weirder and weirder...

-- Dave M. (pton_mwaa...), April 4th, 2003. (later) (link)

Answers

A pretty dance?

-- N. (nickdastoo...), April 4th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

where you would expect them to be
-- mark s (mar...), March 22nd, 2002.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), April 3rd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you're thinking of Ed O'Neill
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), April 3rd, 2003.

-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...), April 4th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

how far into? like her wrist or her elbow?

-- jess (dubplatestyl...), April 4th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

bicep

-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...), April 4th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- mu (m...), April 4th, 2003. (later) (link)

[...]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Seriously, Mu, it would be really difficult for me to stand in front of some of the starving crippled barely-alive kids I've seen and tell them that at least they're not fat.

-- nabisco (--...), April 4th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- James Blount

-- Adrian McCoy (ajc...), April 3rd, 2003.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...) (webmail), April 4th, 2003 8:42 PM. (later) (GeirHong) (link)

-- Famous Athlete (klintved...), April 3rd, 2003 6:58 PM.

Q: How many indie rockers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: I can't believe you haven't heard this joke! I've got it on vinyl!

-- xnelio (idon...), April 3rd, 2003 9:04 PM.

(That was Ned Raggett, btw.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nothing "secret" about it whatsoevah...I wear my Hope Sandoval fetishization like a badge of hetero-honor.

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), April 4th, 2003. (nickalicious)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me too.
-- Jody Beth Rosen (edito...), April 4th, 2003. (Jody Beth Rosen)

[MisterSnrub] Hey! I like the Strokes!!
[MisterSnrub] The Strokes rock!!
[Ian SPACK] who are you?
[MisterSnrub] e? I'm known as Lollipop Man, alias the Long-Haired Sucka.
[MisterSnrub] My motto is...
[MisterSnrub] Make My Funk the P-Funk!!
[MisterSnrub] I wants ta get funked-up!
[Ian SPACK] you babble some shite you, mate
[Ian SPACK] no offence, like
[MisterSnrub] I want the booooomb
[MisterSnrub] (That's froma a P-Funk song)
[Ian SPACK] yeah i know

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Only if he was eating watermelon and shuffling his feet at the time, Justyn.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), April 4th, 2003 2:10 PM. (Dan Perry)

...Wait, are you calling me Bigger Thomas?

eddie vedder is as much a rhetoritician as bush, anyway, my flatmate says.

-- Clare (honeytoastcoffe...), April 4th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

your flatmate must be angling for the title of master of the obvious
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), April 4th, 2003.

my Powerpoint is now bi-curious.

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), April 4th, 2003. (later) (link)

Jody Blue Ribbon = best of both worlds?

-- mookieproof (ole04...), April 4th, 2003 11:19 AM.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), April 4th, 2003 5:29 PM.

So you've met him?

-- Girolamo Savonarola (gsa...), April 4th, 2003 5:32 PM.

Do I have to have met him to make that assessment? I never met Hitler either, but I gather he was a bastard.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), April 4th, 2003 5:35 PM.

but neither drove a cheescake truck
-- kephm (keph...), April 3rd, 2003.

This thread can, if it likes, degenerate into the worlds most incomprehsible musicological debate ever posted (or posited.)
GO NUTS!

-- Lord Custos Epsilon (L.Custo...), April 5th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I love Planet Earth! I love Rio! I love Hungry Like The Wolf! I love Come Undone! My those Duran boys made some nice songs! la la la!
(please no, I'm begging you Ally, no!)

-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), April 5th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

though for some reason that picture makes me think of the song "You Can Leave Your Hat On."
-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), April 5th, 2003.

(For the record: I'm going strictly by the thread criterion here)

It took me a minute here to realise you meant a genre of music. Or at least, I hope you are.

-- caitlin (wpsal...), April 6th, 2003 2:25 AM.

Who?
-- the pinefox (pinef...), March 6th, 2001

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That happened to me once, but we were playing hopscotch, not GTA. It was awkward.
-- Tep (te...), April 7th, 2003 12:46 PM.

-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), April 6th, 2003 8:37 PM.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

you mean like Calum?

-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...), April 6th, 2003 8:40 PM.

Ouch...bad acid flashback of dragging my parents to see that movie in the theater. No wonder I had the shit beaten out of me during my childhood.

-- Girolamo Savonarola (gsa...), April 4th, 2003 8:14 PM.

-- Millar (tmilla...), April 6th, 2003 11:59 PM. (Millar)

-- Ally (mlescau...), April 6th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

See, the advantage is that for the wedding George can wear the Batman costume and Ally can be Harley Quinn.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 6th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

visions of James Blount as Mister Freeze
-- Millar (tmilla...), April 6th, 2003.

-- David Allen (Davidalle...), April 1st, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

in the kitchen
-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...), April 1st, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now I'm thinking "Curtis is playing pinball with Adam West."
-- Tep (te...) (webmail), April 7th, 2003 1:18 PM. (later) (ktepi) (link)

-- mark s (mar...), April 7th, 2003 2:24 AM.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), April 7th, 2003 1:21 AM.

Geir Hongro as Bazooka Joe

By the way, "VC" makes me think of "vice chairman" and "venture capitalist." What great initials for a pop singer.
-- Jody Beth Rosen (edito...), August 26th, 2002 4:50 AM.

JBR makes me think "Joyless Bourgeois Rockcrit" but what's in a name?
-- Clyde (clyd...), August 26th, 2002 8:52 AM.

-- jess (dubplatestyl...), April 8th, 2003. (later)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

*hits jess with a sponge*

-- jel -- (freeduni...), April 8th, 2003. (later)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

*dies*

-- jess (dubplatestyl...), April 8th, 2003. (later)

-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...), April 8th, 2003. (later)

Jim is on fire today, my god. I've just spent the last five minutes bursting out into random giggles about this -- as there was stuff on my mind, I needed the release. :-)

My problem with Kiss is really the rhythm section...and maybe Paul Stanley too. They're fun for a couple minutes but I can't take too much in a row. They're kinda like Korn with me. Something I'd think I might like except it just comes off SOOO plodding with me.
-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), April 7th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Compare Kiss to Korn again, Anthony, and I'll have you skinned alive, and made into luggage.
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), April 7th, 2003.

Coz in the 70s we had T-Rex, Bowie and the Pistols. Why bother with Kiss?

OK, controversy time - British bands are generally different from American bands in attitude.
Yank bands are in it for blow jobs, groupies and boasting about shagging celebrities. British
bands tend not to be. Say what you want about Oasis but Liam and Noel have
RELATIONSHIPS, Gene Simmons just sits about saying "I've fucked over 3000 women
aren't I great?" Well, erm, no - you're a twat who's found out that being a rock star attracts lots
of dumbass female groupies. Hardly rocket science.

Bands like The Smiths, The Stone Roses and Pulp were never really going to blow away
America the way Guns n Roses or Limp Bizkit are. Why should they? The Smiths etc were in it
to make a point, to change lives, to make people feel a bit less awkward about themselves.
Fred Durst and Axl Rose like sniffing cocaine and having sex threesomes. I cheered Ian Brown
when he said Guns n Roses were the worst band in the world because, really, they were...

Maybe I'm being too general. The whole madchester scene was probably the way Britain
reacted to American stadium metal, and the way America reacted to it was through grunge.
Then grunge attracted the Jock vote anyway and Britpop happened.

For me to like a band they I have to relate to them in some sort of way. I can't relate to Kiss
and doubt any British people can. Besides which, they really were shit.

-- Calum (calu...), April 7th, 2003.

Fred Durst and Axl Rose like sniffing cocaine and having sex threesomes.

For crissakes, who doesn't??

-- Sean (saturns...), April 7th, 2003.

-- Liz :x (elizabeth.daply...), April 8th, 2003 4:04 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

cue 'The Living Years'
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), Today 10:47 AM. (later) (James Blount) (link) (admin) (66.245.138.5)

But I think I've given They Came From The Stars (I Shagged Them) quite enough free press already so Whoreton and his mob can go fuck themselves.
-- KATE (masonicboo...), April 8th, 2003.

-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), April 8th, 2003.

The McBeal
-- Nicole (nicolew1...), April 8th, 2003.

- nickalicious

-- Ally (mlescau...), April 8th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- Nicole (nicolew1...) (webmail), April 8th, 2003

(Guess who.)

http://msnbc.com/news/1856478.jpg

-- Aaron W (aaro...), April 8th, 2003. (later)

I wish I could get chaki! DAMN I'm on some kind of whore roll today!

-- Ally (mlescau...), April 9th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is that like a California roll?

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), April 9th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, I'm covered in avocado.

-- Ally (mlescau...), April 9th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, but what about the flying fish eggs? Please tell me you're covered in those too! Please!

-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...), April 9th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please?

-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...), April 9th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We all know Ally's a sex goddess, can we get back to Chaki?

-- Sean (saturns...), April 9th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have fish eggs. And pickled ginger.

-- Ally (mlescau...), April 9th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

chaki how do you feel about fish eggs? i'm with ally on pickled ginger. there's a tub of it in my fridge right now and i feel it is tainting the rest of the foodstuffs.

-- jess (dubplatestyl...), April 9th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm not that crazy about fish eggs but I've gotten used to them.

-- Ally (mlescau...), April 9th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...) (webmail), April 8th, 2003

-----------------------------------

If I have to stay at the Marriot more than three nights I NEED a suite so I guess I see your point Geir
-- SplendidMullet (iamthecosmo...) (webmail), April 8th, 2003

-- Norman Phay (k-ra...), April 26th, 2002 3:00 PM.

Erm... everyone in The Smiths called Morrissey

Throughout the years, I am pretty sure Morrissey has had his share of anal sex and mutual masturbation in men's toilets. ;->

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...) (webmail), Today 4:26 PM. (later) (GeirHong) (link)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Geir are you secretly Neil Hamburger?

-- g--ff c-nn-n (misterhungr...) (webmail), Today 5:09 PM. (later) (gcannon) (link)

-- Ally (mlescau...)

was your boyfriend an Apache?
-- James Blount

No, he was German.
-- Ally (mlescau...)

Same diff.
-- Dan Perry

my god, this thread....

-- chris (cbrassic...), Yesterday 5:01 PM. (later) (chris) (link) (admin) (80.40.6.80)

not as clever as James, a Sales Assistant from London, sadly.....

-- MarkH (mark_e_heste...), Yesterday 5:03 PM. (later) (MarkH) (link) (admin) (192.76.27.70)

Search: Stifler's mom.
-- Carey (flembac...), April 9th, 2003. (Carey)

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), April 9th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

fried hug haha!
fried egg

-- Amateurist (amateuris...), April 9th, 2003. (amateurist)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man, I totally want a deep-fried hug.
-- Chris Piuma (chri...), April 9th, 2003. (Chris Piuma)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me too, apparently.
-- Amateurist (amateuris...), April 9th, 2003. (amateurist)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It sounds like the kind of hug uncles and clowns are arrested for.
-- Tep (te...), April 9th, 2003. (ktepi)

-- chaki (chak...), April 9th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you mean kiss with bandanas on?
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), April 9th, 2003. (dubplatestyle)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I could always get worse. *contemplates replying to dave with "well, if the 'roids pop they'd act as a great lube" then decides against it*
-- Bryan (bryan...), April 9th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HA! I was supposed to be It! Freudian slip-mania runnin' wild!
-- Bryan (bryan...), April 9th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm sure there are still unfound depths to be explored.
-- ChristineSH (ampco...), April 9th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Say no more, say no more.
*courtesy flush*

-- nickalicious (nza2342...) (webmail), April 9th, 2003 11:16 AM. (later) (nickalicious) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well hell, we just lost Jersey.
-- Tep (te...) (webmail), April 9th, 2003 11:17 AM. (later) (ktepi) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well hell, we just lost Jersey.
Does the U.K. even want Jersey back at this point?

-- j.lu (flavi...) (webmail), April 9th, 2003 12:35 PM. (later) (j.lu) (link)

The 'Moonie' Suzuki
-- dave q (scrape10...), April 9th, 2003 8:55 AM.

um, "it takes a nation" (and "fear of", incidentally) are better than anything the beatles or the stones have ever done

Do explain.

-- mookieproof (ole04...) (webmail), April 9th, 2003 5:33 PM. (later) (mookieproof)

He likes those albums better than anything the Beatles and Stones have released, I think, is what he was saying.
-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...) (webmail), April 9th, 2003 5:36 PM. (later) (Alex in SF)

-- Fivvy (Fallsdanc...), April 9th, 2003.

CAUSE I'M COMIN THROUGH THE WALL
YEAH I'M COMIN THROUGH THE WALL
IN YOUR VERY OWN CAR
GONNA CRUSH YOUR GUTS
CAUSE I'M COMIN THROUGH THE WALL
YEAH I'M COMIN THROUGH THE WALL
WITH MY FIST IN THE AIR
GONNA HEAR YOU SCREEEEEEEAAAAAAM

etc.
it's a start

-- Millar (tmilla...), April 9th, 2003.

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...), April 10th, 2003. (later)

-- Mr. Diamond (electrifyingmoj...), April 10th, 2003.

-- Jerry the Nipper (jerrythenippe...), April 10th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-- Sean (saturns...), June 3rd, 2002.

Cashier: Oh ok, *checks milkshake*, no it's chocolate.

Me: Er....well it tastes funny, can I have a new one please, I'm pretty sure it's strawberry.

Cashier: Ok you can have another one, it's chocolate though.

Me: I think I can tell the difference between chocolate and strawberry.

Cashier: *hands new milkshake*

5 minutes later

Me:this is also strawberry.

Cashier: it's not it's chocolate.

Me: (rapidly losing patience) listen I am telling you it's fucking strawberry, I'd love if it was chocolate and I could just drink it and leave you alone, why on earth would I make this up, christ can't you just sort out your machine or admit it's broken and give me a fucking coke.

Cashier: but it is chocolate.

Manager: what's the problem *checks machine*, oh sorry sir we don't have any chocolate at the moment.

Good lord.

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), April 10th, 2003.

-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), April 10th, 2003. (Horace Mann)

I had that happen to me with a pizza, sort of. There was no sauce on it, so I called and asked for another. The guy insisted that he'd made the pizza himself, that there was definitely sauce on it, and that I was just complaining because I didn't think there was enough sauce. But there was no sauce, at all, just crust and cheese. So finally I offered to drive over and show him the pizza, and he gave up and sent over a new one. The new one was completely slathered in sauce to the point of disgustingness, but as it turns out I really like sauce, so the joke was on him.

Conversely I have mild sympathy for the McDonalds person, because the last time I worked a retail job, in a record store, people would occasionally come in with "broken" copies of Loveless or insist that "the wrong disc" was in the case of the early Yo La Tengo record they bought, and every time it happened your head would nearly explode from trying to figure out if they might actually know what they were saying. Before that I did tech support for a while, and it was the same thing, where you're like "Are you absolutely sure it's plugged in? Cuz no offense but I don't know you and it's possible you're just a dumbass."

-- oops (buttch9...), April 10th, 2003 12:14 PM. (later)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

people talked about Vice Magazine
-- oops (buttch9...), April 10th, 2003. (Oops)

fairy lights -> darkness = Pika!
room light -> darkness = no pika
fairry lights + room light -> room light = no pika

-- Graham (dtc...), May 9th, 2002.

Answers

New answers or I'm TEARING HIM APART

-- Curtis Stephens (sevenxviii@....), April 10th, 2003. (later)

http://webpages.charter.net/cmvenuti/images/lumbergh.jpg

-- oops (buttch9...), April 11th, 2003.

i've probably fallen behind the sofa
-- stevem (bluesk...), April 11th, 2003. (later)

http://webpages.charter.net/cmvenuti/images/cat.jpg

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcgee@......), April 10th, 2003. (later)

Ray Parker Jr.
-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), April 10th, 2003.

I think I'll be laughing all weekend at that one.

"Word up." In the Cameo voice.
-- Nick A. (emmaa...), April 10th, 2003.

Anything said in the Cameo voice=CLASSIC

-- oops (buttch9...), April 10th, 2003.

After I read this, my boss was looking at me wondering why I was whimpering to myself at my desk.

that afterwards, back at home, head bobbing, etc. I yell out to roomie "why'd you turn the music off?" and he's like "what music?" He comes back in. He's looking at me like a lab specimen. "The stereo's been off the whole time." I look down at my hands. They look huge. "What did you think you were listening to?" Sheepishly: "really good house music!!"
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), April 11th, 2003.

UNCLE: I would like to buy the new record by Spice Girls, do you have it?
CLERK: Ermm... We don't sell that sort of music.
UNCLE: Oh, what a pity, it was meant to be a birthday present for my niece.
CLERK: Oh. How old will she be?
UNCLE: Nineteen.
CLERK: What, is she like a retard or something!?

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), April 10th, 2003 9:39 PM.

In the true spirit of fair play and the utilization of the freedom of information, it should be noted that Nicole (she above who is taking great pleasure in lambasting the Joke) is, by her very own admission (seek ye the "Introduce Yourselves" board) a fan of Destiny's Child. With the utmost respect to all parties involved, I personally would imagine that this absolves her of the burden of credibility in the musical taste department. This is not a personal slight (as I've never met the woman), but merely an obsevation for the benefit of those whose opinions of Killing Joke might be swayed by that which they read here. To her credit, she also likes the estimable Nick Cave and Talk Talk (but how she reconciles them with childish pabulum Destiny's Child I'll never know). Killing Joke is a classic. Destiny's Child is a dud. Honor the Fire! - AlexinNYC
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), March 25th, 2001.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Destiny's Child: classic. Killing Joke: dud. Honor the bugaboo!
-- Sterling Clover (s_clove...), March 25th, 2001.

I spat water on myself when I saw this.

"Yes, I'll have a chocolate disgusting death shake."

Are you some kind of shamrockist?

-- Nick A. (emmaa...), April 11th, 2003. (later) (Nick A.)

No. All wars are symbolic of penis size. I thought everyone knew that.

-- ChristineSH (ampco...), April 11th, 2003. (later) (chrissie1068)

Although, if Dubya thinks he's fooled anyone into believing he's anything but a needle-dick, he needs to think again...

-- ChristineSH (ampco...), April 11th, 2003. (later) (chrissie1068)

Christine, I hope you're not being serious, or else I'll have to club you with my penis.

-- Nick A. (emmaa...), April 11th, 2003. (later) (Nick A.)

I think the idea of working out doesn't sit well with people becuase its no fun, in fact its a loathesome bag of dead infant octopuses rotting in the dump. SO, I have been trying to think up a way to make it more enjoyable. I also would like to host " Wake Me Up" THis would be an hour of aerobics to the song "Wake Me up Before You GOGO". By the end you would be insane and very happy and fit.
-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), February 27th, 2003.

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(In fact if you get rid of the Lemon Coke it's even better!)
-- Jody Beth Rosen (edito...), April 11th, 2003.

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he invented the cave, before that cavemen were just men.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), April 9th, 2003.

You're in a time machine and you have to do rude things with 10 rock chicks, who do you pick? (1 matching message)

I'm going to willfully misinterpret "rude things" and pretend the rest of this thread doesn't exist.
1. 1992: Toilet-papering Charles Thompson's house with Kim Deal
2. 1988: Cow-tipping with Kristin Hersh
3. 1997: Dine-n-dashing with Carrie Brownstein
4. 1993: Prank calling Calvin Johnson with Lois Maffeo
5. 1986: Shoplifting cigarettes with Kim Gordon
6. 1993: Having twenty pizzas delivered to Jim DeRogatis with Liz Phair
7. 1985: Dipping a sleeping Henry Rollins' hand into warm water with Kira Roessler
8. 1994: Spiking Mac MacCaughan's coffee with Ex-Lax with Laura Ballance
9. 1989: Pantsing Dean Wareham on stage with Naomi Yang
10. 1991: Kicking the shit out of Billy Corgan with D'Arcy Wretsky

-- Nick Mirov (nic...), April 2nd, 2003.

-- Ally (mlescau...), April 11th, 2003.

-- jess (dubplatestyl...), April 12th, 2003. (later)

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Sorry.
-- Bryan (bryan...), April 11th, 2003.

I opened this and the Skip Spence thread at the same time, and I thought I was bringing this window up. It said
[WOMEN:]"seen as iconic and given the posthumous stamp of hipster approval, but why?"

haha... I was all ready to say "CLASSIC!"

-- Adam A. (newaddres...), April 12th, 2003 1:11 AM. (Keiko)

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it's the assassinizzle
-- zemko (giaou...) (webmail), April 12th, 2003 10:45 AM. (later) (bob) (link)

all music was invented by al gore

-- ron (ohronn...), April 10th, 2003 1:43 PM. (ron)

-- Millar (tmilla...), April 11th, 2003 6:27 PM. (Millar)

"I hated Jamie Oliver when hating Jamie Oliver was still underground"
-- Dom Passantino (killallgoth...), April 12th, 2003 3:17 AM.

-- phil-two (phil-tw...), April 8th, 2003. (later)

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He's way too far away.
-- Ally (mlescau...), April 9th, 2003. (later)

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Nah. He's just small.
-- SittingPretty (sittingprett...), April 9th, 2003. (later)

i really miss her.

-- brian badword (ba...), April 13th, 2003. (later) (link)

1)fuck
2)mf
3)doom
4)and
5)his
6)snide
7)undie
8)beat
9)revisionism
10) sorry minna!!

-- st (ik6y...), April 11th, 2003.

everybody is on an ongoing journey for satisfaction
this generates healthy and unhealthy psychological manifestations
a hedonist introspection is a method that consist of linking causes to effects
life is unfair but it doesn't owe you anything
locate morbid escapes from reality to redirect life into actions
-- Sébastien Chikara (sebastien_chikar...), April 12th, 2003.

A draw, of course: Slade invented the Pistols, esp. rhythm-wise and Holder's voice is harder and scarier and rockier than Reed's; VU really only invented indie. However Noddy's little-known 1976 exp.alb. Metal Machine Singalong is a big disappointment.

-- mark s (mar...), August 9th, 2001 2:00 PM.

Good lord, people with penises can pee in sinks ... My mind reels. My loins feel so limited and dull. Thanks a lot.

-- jewelly (jewelly123...), April 12th, 2003. (later) (jewelly)
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Oh come on jewelly, all men secretly want to be women. Women can orgasm multiple times. 'Nuff said...

-- Mr. Diamond (electrifyingmoj...), April 12th, 2003. (later) (diamond)
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Mr. Diamond: It is my understanding that most men are capable of orgasming mulitiple times. Did you just have the one when you were twelve or whatever and then give up, thinking that was it? No, no, no -- try again. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

-- jewelly (jewelly123...), April 12th, 2003. (later) (jewelly)

-- jewelly (jewelly123...), April 12th, 2003.

-- Millar (tmilla...), April 13th, 2003 7:52 AM.

Oskar Schindler: I could've tipped more. I could've tipped more if I just tried harder. I threw away so much money. You have no idea. If I just...
Barista: There is almost $1 in here as a result of what you did.
Oskar Schindler: I didn't do enough!
Barista: You did so much.
Oskar Schindler: This car. Why did I keep the car? Amon would've bought this car. 2000 tips right there. This magazine, 8 tips, This is gold! 8 tips he could've given me 8 people at least one. One tip. One tip I didn't make. One tip I could've made and I didn't!!

-- felicity (felicityredwel...), April 13th, 2003.

-- Ally (mlescau...), April 14th, 2003.

- look at work? Thus leading to "who is that?" comments from colleagues.

- neither? Thus leading to identification of posters with 'rubber- faced' comedian R.Atkinson.

-- Tom (ebro...), October 16th, 2001.

asparagus!
-- Aaron Grossman (aajjg...), December 8th, 2002.

-- Millar (tmilla...), April 13th, 2003.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Ned, I know you meant eating but that's not the mental image this sentence conjures up.

-- Nicole (nicolew1...), April 14th, 2003.

-- Millar (tmilla...), April 14th, 2003.

Frank Herbert's Cat of Dune.

-- Ally (mlescau...), April 14th, 2003. (later)

Faster, Carrot Top, Kill Kill!

Talky Tearjerker, No Redeeming Nudity

-- Tep (te...)

i would alex - but shit, when you get the amount of haters that i do on ilx - having tonnes of unwarranted cynicism thrown on you ... it would suck. and yeah, i suck for not saying it - but i don't want to inflame the haters with specific knowledge of what i'm personally doing. but suffice to say, very fucking happy!

-- Sonny Tremaine (sonnytremain...), April 13th, 2003.

it's Creed right?
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), April 13th, 2003.

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That fat fuck
-- jm (jimmythemo...), April 14th, 2003 1:47 PM. (later)

-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), April 13th, 2003. (later)

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Bubba Sparxx seems like he should already be opening for a Vanilla Ice tour.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 13th, 2003. (later)

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he's too busy warming up the crowd in State College for Get Up Kids and Wilco! Funny thing is I wouldn't be surprised if he gets the biggest crowd of them all.
-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), April 13th, 2003. (later)

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back off man - he's what trife coulda been
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), April 13th, 2003. (later)

-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), April 15th, 2003. (later)

-- Mark C (boyincorduro...), April 14th, 2003. (later)

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that was the purpose of this thread!
-- Jeanne Fury (JeanneFur...), April 15th, 2003.

Hi, hstencil!
-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmore...) (webmail), April 15th, 2003 5:13 PM. (later) (Martin Skidmore)

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Everyone has a crush on Ally!
-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...), April 16th, 2003.

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that still doesn't excuse her wanton egomania and advocating of Journey.
-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), April 16th, 2003.

Nine times out of then says you see a guy doing this in the bathroom = he's a high level manager who makes ten times what you make. The hell? Why save your hands a quick extra wash when you just end up with golden drops all over your hot new white Saks trousers?
(sadly, gals, this thread is for the gents...)

-- donut bitch (do...), April 16th, 2003 2:09 PM.

Is this really the sort of thing I never see because I've never had an office job, or do you guys make this shit up to fuck with the rest of us?
-- Tep (te...), April 16th, 2003 2:15 PM.

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no, it's soooo true. and so DUD!
-- hstencil (hstenci...), April 16th, 2003 2:15 PM.

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I am going to sneak into office building men's rooms. If you see me (I'm the guy in the hat), play along.
-- Tep (te...), April 16th, 2003 2:16 PM.

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better than the guys who place their hands against the wall like some cop just told to spread em or something
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), April 16th, 2003 2:17 PM.

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Jesus Christ, how disturbing. From both DB *and* Blount.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 16th, 2003 2:23 PM.

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And yet no one is disturbed by the thought of me prowling men's rooms in a hat, surveying.
-- Tep (te...), April 16th, 2003 2:24 PM.

-- Graham (dtc...), April 16th, 2003. (later) (graham)

-- Colin Meeder (amisrau...), April 16th, 2003. (later) (Mert)

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), April 16th, 2003. (later)

I don't know if this is funny so much as it is the best thing anyone has ever written.

What is that, the sequel to Scent of a Woman? What are you talking about. I don't enjoy tasting men either, they're filthy as evidenced on that corporate urinal thread. I'm totally going to only make out with women from now on.
-- Ally (mlescau...), April 16th, 2003. (later)

But what if growing up lets you appreciate loud stuff?

-- phil-two (phil-tw...), April 16th, 2003. (later) (phil-two)

(I'm not sure if this refutes Ally's point or not.)

No, it's all about the mellow. Don't try and deny it.

Species? Are you a bonobo monkey or something?

chuck eddy is the music editor of the village voice
chuck eddy is heavy metal's bastard child
chuck eddy is me
chuck eddy is best known for his controversial book stairway to hell
chuck eddy is the only print critic i have much time for
chuck eddy is notoriously arbitrary
chuck eddy is a great popular music critic
chuck eddy is
chuck eddy is one of the most incompetent
chuck eddy is a philadelphia
chuck eddy is also the author of the accidental evolution of rock’n’roll
chuck eddy is one of my best friends
chuck eddy is right and album
chuck eddy is a rock critic and one of my favorite writers
chuck eddy is god sundar subramanian
chuck eddy is always too reluctant to believe that consciousness comes naturally to human beings
chuck eddy is definitely the
chuck eddy is one of the few that have taken the bangs style and added his own unique spin

Sorry, Frank, I think you need more Interweb exposure.

-- o. nate (syne_wave@.....), April 16th, 2003. (later)

-- Lord Custos Epsilon (L.Custo...), April 16th, 2003.
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did you frame him coz he was your enemy?

-- Sterling Clover (s_clove...), April 16th, 2003.

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Well that makes this day just like all the rest for me.
-- oops (buttch9...), April 16th, 2003.

Leninist Cunt: Benjamin Horne, he's a great man. He's my idol. I fucking love Benjamin Horne. He's the greatest character ever created in the history of television in film, not just David Lynch's work.
Sterling Clover: Picket Fences roxx, u r all gay.
LC: Picket Fences! Picket Fucking Fences! Have you come away from your senses? Fuck! I shit on Picket Fences!
David R.: OOH SASSY!
SC: Fuck you! I love Lauren Holly! Fyvush Finkel!
Ally: *smokes cigarette, looks pissed off*
LC: Lauren Holly! She's a swine whore! Benjamin Horne would eat her innards for breakfast!
David R.: SWEET!
Ally: Is anyone going to the bar? I'd like a refill.

Doesn't this sound like the chorus to a song? It has a poetic, musical quality.

http://www.garyspivey.com/photos/garyandangelladies.jpg

(courtesy of James Blount)

-- Ally (mlescau...), April 17th, 2003. (later)

Pure hilarity. :-)

-- Lord Custos Epsilon (L.Custo...), April 17th, 2003. (later)

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), April 17th, 2003.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), April 17th, 2003. (Dan Perry)

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I'd say 'Gwargasm' gives it a run for its money.
-- mark p (m*****...), April 17th, 2003.

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), April 17th, 2003 8:18 AM. (later) (nabisco) (link)

Except that I would make the sex with Grace more often.

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), April 17th, 2003 8:19 AM. (later) (nabisco) (link)

-- luna (luna_cee...), April 17th, 2003. (later)

I think this means that Dan has been dethroned, or that Boston just brings out the perv.

-- felicity (felicityredwell@y...), April 17th, 2003.

On that nabisco quote I initially read it "make the sex" "with grace" "more often" rather than "make" "the sex with grace" "more often".

Have I got it wrong?

(I will now torpedo the last remaning shreds of my dignity by NOT editing the word "hinder" into something less Appalachia-meets-20s bawdiness.)

It obv has something to do w/ EM*L's moniker. Should I alert a mod? Oh wait, you're a mod! You've been alerted! [yes I have! --mod.]

I think you look more like Grace than I do, Luna. In fact, everyone does.

-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmore...), April 17th, 2003. (later) (link)

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Except maybe 50 Cent?

-- nabisco (--...), April 17th, 2003. (later) (link)

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Actually I take that back, he's got the cheekbones.

-- nabisco (--...), April 17th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), April 17th, 2003. (later)

(thanks to that sentence I got a mouthful of coffee up my nose)

-- Chris Davis (whiskeyfrie...) (webmail), April 18th, 2003 8:39 AM. (later) (Chris Davis) (link)

whoa

-- Jody Beth Rosen (edito...) (webmail), April 18th, 2003 8:44 AM. (later) (Jody Beth Rosen) (link)

Ewoks=Canadians?

-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), April 17th, 2003. (later) (Horace Mann)

Ewoks = annoying but cute!

-- hstencil (hstenci...), April 17th, 2003. (later)

my point exactly

-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), April 17th, 2003. (later) (Horace Mann)

possibly a lot funnier in context. made me nearly crap myself with laughter

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), April 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

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I believe you meant to type Vogue, Alex. : )

-- Sean (saturns...), April 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

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come on, Vague...let your body...move...somehow...i dunno, you work it out

-- stevem (bluesk...), April 19th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- Chris Piuma (chri...), April 10th, 2003 2:59 PM.

turn-offs: subscribing to "struggling artists" myths, not being into music, being a hippy, being stoic, being unable to look after yourself, g-strings, people who ONLY EVER talk about intellectual stuff (EVER HEARD OF FUN??), blond boys, people who are squeamish about periods, healthy girls who are into losing weight.
turn ons: owning a T Rex songbook, liking human league and heaven 17, receding hairlines, frizzy hair, a mop of clean dark hair, girls with red hair and freckles (otherwise known as girls who look like tash), dancing, being emotionally expressive and passionate (i like people who yell and cry and all that shit), corrected vision, people who like eating salt'n'vinegar chips and tomato'n'onion dip, people who don't deny themselves food, people who are passionate about music, people who like feminist theory and queer theory.
-- di smith (lucylure...), April 19th, 2003. (later)

turn-offs : people, emotions, stuff

-- duane (kjeruigjkfd...), April 19th, 2003. (later)

turn-ons : knee jerk anti americanism
-- duane (oijd89updioj...), April 19th, 2003. (later)

there was supposed to be a tag at the end of my post, closing the narcissism.
-- di smith (lucylure...), April 19th, 2003. (later)

there was supposed to be a tag in my post that would make you lose your mind & howl like a dog
-- duane (ufeuiofdsu...), April 19th, 2003. (later)

IS THE NEW FOUND RAPPER 50 CENT MARRIED OR DOES HE HAVE KIDS?
HOW MANY TIMES HAS J-LO BEEN MARRIED AND WHO HAS SHE BEEN MARRIED TO?
HOW MANY TIMES HAS 50 CENT BEEN SHOT?
WHAT ARE THE REAL NAMES OF THE GROUP MEMBERS OF SMILEZ AND SOUTHSTAR?
IS JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE CURRENTLY SINGLE?
ARE NELLY AND KELLY ROWLAND ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED,OR ARE THEY REALLY GOING TO GET MARRIED?

-- MS.NEISHA MAYFIELD (TEQUILAROSE0...) (webmail), April 19th, 2003 12:52 AM.

Answers

IN ORDER:
YES. QUESTION: WHO FOUND HIM?
THREE. CURIOUSLY ALL FORMER HUSBANDS WERE IN THE GROUP LOBO
FOR HIS ALBUM COVER OR IN THE BODY
THOSE ARE THEIR REAL NAMES
YES AND HE'S ASKING ABOUT YOU, MS. FUTURE NEISHA TIMBERLAKE
NO IT'S A SCIENTOLOGY SHAM

-- rumpelstitskin (rodeislre...) (webmail), April 19th, 2003 2:16 AM.

Smilez & Southstar's real names are Sigmund J. Czecklefeck and H. Thornton Blumpie.

Seriously, why on earth do you care about any of these questions?

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...) (webmail), April 19th, 2003 2:20 AM.

Cracks my a$$ up.

And it's at their High School Reunion, where the men meet after twenty ears and strap on a guitar, and sit behind the kit and play "Louie Louie," smiling, and with their friends and peers and their new wives and husbands cheering and smiling with them.

THAT is the most happening place in the world.

-- JM (jimmythemo...), January 24th, 2001.

I think I'm gonna fuckin' cry, man.
-- Josh (kortbei...), January 24th, 2001.

(sorry JM!)

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You haven't got to grips with this anonymity thing, have you?
-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmore...), April 19th, 2003.

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he's like one of those cartoon super-villains whose "secret hideout" is this huge fortress visible from several counties!
-- Justyn Dillingham (aubade8...), April 20th, 2003.

Answers
Well, underwwear manufacturers have discriminated against my sex for years but it's never stopped me from buying bras.
-- -- Mike Hanley (pennyson...), June 12th, 2001.

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Mike, you're out to get me yet, and it's not that I don't deserve it. Actually some girls I know wear boys' briefs, but really, back to the topic, please...
-- X. Y. Zedd (xyzed...), June 12th, 2001.

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Well I dont really go for such ad ploys. I mostly like things little japanese girls like, like Kogepan.
-- -- Mike Hanley (pennyson...), June 12th, 2001.

-insects, spiders, rodents, small dogs
-being followed/chased
-cavernous, labyrinthine old buildings (sometimes w/ undiscovered/forgotten rooms)
-the apartment complex I lived in from 1976-1991
-my teeth (I'm told this is a common nightmare subject, but I'm anxious about my teeth in my waking life too)
-being suffocated/strangled/asphyxiated
-being confined in a small, tight space where I can't move
-- Jody Beth Rosen (edito...), April 20th, 2003 8:28 AM.

I'm not sure that that is all standard, Jody: I've never dreamed about the apartment complex you lived in from 1976-1991. Or your teeth.
-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmore...), April 20th, 2003 8:30 AM.

http://www.kuci.uci.edu/~brianm/lancelockarm/claw.jpg

the CLAW!!

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Killing Joke
-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), April 21st, 2003. (later) (Horace Mann) (link)

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), April 20th, 2003 8:00 AM.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), April 21st, 2003. (later)

-- gygax! (gygax0...), April 2nd, 2003.

-- Ally (mlescau...), April 22nd, 2003. (later)

-- Sarah (starr...), April 22nd, 2003. (later)

-- Cozen (fm/am/md/c...), April 22nd, 2003 9:40 PM."

-- Neudonym (zinogu...), April 21st, 2003 11:23 AM.

-- luna (luna_cee...), April 22nd, 2003. (luna.c)

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can you imagine the marketing?
-- luna (luna_cee...), April 22nd, 2003. (luna.c)

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PUSSY BEER
Because we have so many reasons to celebrate.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 22nd, 2003. (Ned)

Turn offs: opposite of turn ons

-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), April 22nd, 2003. (coco)

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so you hate: flopped under hair, kitty cat eyes, vivid hatred-of-life smiles, hates taking vacations with you, doesn't ride a bike (and doesn't want to), cries alot, makes you cry
-- buttch (formerlyoops(mcgee)@hotmail.com), April 22nd, 2003. (Oops)

Back in from the bank-holiday with this clash of the titans. I’m gonna weigh in with the Stones. What is it a, boxing ring or a streetfight? Cos you know the Stones could have the Fab Four in a street brawl any fuckin day right?

So we’re in a back alley, I’m the guy standing behind Keef nonchalantly tossing a flick-knife and sneering sideways on as John gives in the banter…

John: (in that dark Scouse cackle and peering over little black round sunglasses) "You know you’ll never have it kids, right?"
Paul: "Never had it anyway."
George: "Wouldn’t know what to do with it."
Ringo: "What those three said."
Mick: (pulls on his cigarette and advances): Well, right… don’t you think that really depends on what we’re talking about here boys because (stubs cigarette under heel of cowboy boot) who wants to be remembered for being ‘fab’ man?
Keef: (goading) "You ever heard a riff George?"
George: "You ever hit a clean note?"
Keef: (blows a kiss) Love You To baby.
Mick: I mean what is it you think you have anyway? A few pretty tunes, for lots of pretty girls, but what else is there to it? Where’s your input man? Where do you pour it in? Where’s your fucking commitment to what it’s about? ‘Cos you know with you cats, I never really know what the fuck any of it is about…Not really…
Brian: (shoving Paul) "Maaaannnnnn."
Keef: "Hey George, whyd’ya get Clapton to play lead for ya?"
George: (as he is retrained by Ringo) "At least I didn’t rip him right off, like you rinsed Cooder!"
Keef: (restrained by Bill) "That’s a fuckin lie man"
John: "Boring. Boring. Boring. Christ you’re so fucking boring Mick. And you don’t have any fucking idea really do you, you or any one of you, you tossers. (adopts whiny Mick tone) ‘Where’s your fucking commitment… I never really know what the fuck any of it is about.’ Grow up you twat. What’s any of it about man? Making fucking music is what it’s about… and maybe living in a huge expensive white mansion with the woman you love… but who cares what you do or don’t ‘get’ kid, because frankly, I don’t give a shit and there a ten million people who say they don’t give a shit either." Grow up man, or shoot yourself but don’t stand there and tell me you don’t get it like it’s my fault that you don’t have the first fucking idea.
Paul: "I think you need to take a.."
Bill: "Oh shut up Paul."
Mick: "John, what I’m saying man, is like you do what you do and for what? I don’t know because your music sure as hell doesn’t tell me, well, it might tell me man, but I don’t feel it…
Keef: "And you gotta feel it boys"
Charlie: (under his breath) "You’re gonna feel it in a minute..."
Ringo: "What’s that Watts?" You want me to show you how to keep time?"
Brian: "You mop top tossers ain’t got no style man. You’re just mannequins right. You don’t live your lives like."
John: "But Brian you’re a fucked up dope head. Like. Get a grip. Like. No style? And what was Their Satanic Majesties all about then? Christ you look like pantomime part-timers trying to cash in."
Paul: "And I think you should…"
Everyone: "Just shut the fuck up Paul."
Keef: "I’ve had just about enough of your talk Johnny."
John: "Yes ‘Keef’, I expect it’s rather hard for you to follow."
(George starts sniggering)
Keef: "You fucking twat" (he lunges with a right at George)
Ringo: "Hey up"
Charlie: "I’m gonna make you see Starrs pal."
Mick: "John, how d’you wanna be under my thumb." (rushes at him)
Bill: "This is for ‘Michelle’ you dick." (lands a left on Paul’s nose)
Brian: "Wow, crazy man."
John: (as Mick’s fist connects) "Why don’t we do this in the road?"
(A scrappy melee develops with Mick chinning John, Charlie dusting Ringo and Keef laying George out cold. While Brian rolls another J up, the others then help Bill put Paul out of misery)
Mick: (Dusting his hands) Oh Keith, I think I broke a nail!"
Keef: "Don’t even start Mick, don’t even start."
(Streetfighting Man then kicks in hard and the five drag Brian out of the alley, fade lights, cue credits)

-- Alex K (alex...), April 22nd, 2003 1:12 AM. (later)

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It's called art.
-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), April 22nd, 2003. (later)