i can't believe its another 'posts that made you laugh out loud' compendium thread, excelsior yadda yadda

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there's a patron saint of GOOD Brazilian metal?
now you ask I'm trying to find out who St. Sepulchre actually was but I just keep getting links to the "Ave Maria: Catholic Singles" dating site

-- j0e (j_o_e_...)

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he's over there, trying not to accidentally-on-purpose fall backwards onto a willy.
-- j0e (j_o_e_...), May 12th, 2003. (later)

-- Nicole (nicolew1...), May 12th, 2003.

"Supposed" to see them? no. But they were playing in Kansas City. I think I was supposed to destroy them, but I failed. Zues is very mad.
-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), May 12th, 2003 3:13 AM.

-- Tom Breihan (lazerbee...), May 12th, 2003. (Tom Breihan)

http://pics.drugstore.com/prodimg/10374/200.jpg

-- Jody Beth Rosen (edito...), May 12th, 2003. (Jody Beth Rosen) (later) (link)

ilm - corn
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), May 12th, 2003.

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jess - pants
-- chaki (chak...), May 12th, 2003

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Yes but Ronan you are only six.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), May 13th, 2003. (later)

Spurs fan in wanting it to be 14 years ago shocker.

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), May 13th, 2003. (later)

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and probably the most patronising
-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...), May 13th, 2003. (electricsound) (later) (link)

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nah, that would be my last post
-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), May 13th, 2003. (M Matos) (later) (link)

Dreidel Of Filth!
-- donut bitch (do...), May 13th, 2003 4:32 AM.

julio desouza is a twat.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), May 13th, 2003. (later)

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How is it possible to romanticise Grunge?
-- Matt (Mat...), May 14th, 2003 11:39 AM.

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"WAAGHH! LIFE IS A VOID!
I HAVE BOUGHT YOU A KITTEN!"
-- Matt (Mat...), May 14th, 2003 11:40 AM.

so, how did it happen?
-- gareth (garet...), May 13th, 2003 3:38 AM.

presumably it happened when the Republicans had moved to the Right to such an extent that Southern Democrats felt happier voting for them than for a party with a load of pinko fag northern liberals in it.
-- DV (dirtyvica...), May 13th, 2003 3:42 AM.

(oh wait except for the whole Trail of Tears and countless other atrocities)

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), May 13th, 2003.

-- Mary (maj23...), May 14th, 2003. (later)

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"Nice Fozzie."
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), May 14th, 2003. (later)

OH MY GOD. I just dreamed about JBR. I dreamed that she was OTM. I'm not even kidding.
It's like I've been playing the same video game way too much.

-- Kenan Hebert (mondri...), April 28th, 2003 1:44 PM. (kenan)

mom: Did you go to school with a Marissa so-and-so?
me: um, rings a bell. I think she transferred in my last year.
mom: well she was killed in a freak accident, left behind four kids. (note: we were 25 or 26 at this point)
me: wow, what happened?
mom: she was leading a tour of an old mine museum and one of the little ore carts came loose. It went along the tracks and she was in the way. Smashed her right up against the wall.
me: Holy shit.

-- teeny (teen...), May 14th, 2003. (later) (link)

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That in and of itself might be funny.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), May 14th, 2003. (Ned) (later) (link)

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Yeah, you'll be laughing it up until he starts ripping off his skin and flinging it at you while Sting has you pinned down in a tantric choke-hold and Geri aerobicizes all up and down your ass.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), May 14th, 2003. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)

Allegedly...

http://www.qsl.net/w5www/hugh-grant.jpg

+

http://www.jvibe.com/homer/gallery/bartbus.jpg

-- Nordicskillz (t1nym1n...), May 15th, 2003 5:45 PM

What, you look like Hugh Grant being arrested after being found in the back of a bus with Bart Simpson by ZZ Top?

-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...), May 15th, 2003 5:48 PM

OMG we are Trans-Atlantic strained hamstring brothers!
-- Nate Patrin (natepatrin550...), May 13th, 2003.

-- Mandee (Wolfshir...) (webmail), May 15th, 2003 10:44 AM. (later) (link)

* Nonchalantly checks brand of disposable pen *

* Simultaneously scratches single testicle *

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...) (webmail), May 15th, 2003 11:08 AM. (tracerhand) (later) (link)

My mom bought me Madonna's Sex book!
-- Ally (mlescau...), May 15th, 2003. (later)

That's even worse!
11,000,000 dead vs. Vanilla Ice nekkid!
-- hstencil (hstenci...), May 15th, 2003. (later)

It wasn't so long ago that men faking orgasms was a lame punchline. Then I heard some comedian try it again and the audience was like 'Hang on - I think that's a recognised phenomenon' and the comedian was sad.

-- N. (nickdastoor), January 7th, 2003.

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The 4 Real Dastoors, you not heard of them.
"Nick - you come and tidy your room or I'll come and let a vein."

-- Pete (pb1...), May 15th, 2003 10:45 PM.

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I phoned Morpheus and he agreed it was ridiculous.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), May 16th, 2003. (later)

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), May 16th, 2003.

-- Nicole (nicolew1...), May 16th, 2003. (later) (link)

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Ringsting makes you hungry? Yugh!

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), May 16th, 2003. (later) (link)

In retrospect I wish I fished my telescope out of the garage, but there's barely any room left here on the roof for anything. However, here's a nicely overexposed featureless pixelated photo:

-- Chris Barrus (chri...), May 16th, 2003 12:05 AM. (Chris Barrus)

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

-- donut bitch (do...), May 17th, 2003. (later)

if thas impressive i have a whole new line of work open to me

-- H (harefeain...), May 17th, 2003. (later)

DB and H in giant civil-war-walrus-mustaches shocker.

-- chester (goth_casua...), May 17th, 2003. (later)

-- bnw (rilke...), May 17th, 2003. (later)

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the world is not yet ready for that version
-- mark s (mark...), June 29th, 2003. (later)

-- nabisco (--...), June 30th, 2003 2:31 AM.

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What about Hormonia (Lemmy's side project with Rod Stewart)?
-- dleone (d_leon...), September 4th, 2002.

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or michael rother's other side-project HARMA PAM where he just sings songs about MEAT
-- bob snoom (bobwes...), September 4th, 2002.

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Harmolio
Are you threatening me?

-- Jody Beth Rosen (edito...), September 4th, 2002

-- gabbneb (gabbne...), July 1st, 2003. (later)

'garfth'

-- trife (...), July 1st, 2003. (later)

I dread to think what a Dr Strangelove fan would have done.
-- Sommermute (wintermute_v0.3...), June 30th, 2003. (later)

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Thank you for your kind, encouraging words Nick, but I fear shouting at her will achieve nothing & make me look like a dick!
-- Pinkpanther (pinkpanther4...), July 1st, 2003.

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Don't shjout - rage. I suggest something along the lines of this [links to 'actually acting out Highlander' thread].
-- Nick Southall (n.j.southal...), July 1st, 2003.

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Erm, step away from the keyboard Nick, there's a good lad!
-- Pinkpanther (pinkpanther4...), July 1st, 2003.

haha: "his view on guns are highly offensive" and therefore he should be SHOT! Do you SEE?
-- Sterling Clover (s_clove...), June 28th, 2002 2:00 PM.

-- Johnny Jarvis (mr_wackma...), July 2nd, 2003. (later)

-- gareth (garet...), July 2nd, 2003 9:21 AM. (later)

hey i didnt read any of your dumb ass comments because you are all stupid...
ESPECIALLY YOU GABE.
but anyways, i tyhink EVERYONE failed to mention the two most important items of clothing on an emo girls person...

actually three

>the "bitch bangs" - really short bangs to go over the

>cat eye glasses!

>alterna-girl army surplus knapsack!

FUCK your "promise ring twelve inches"

and the boys
>broken glasses - because secretly emo boys fight alot, because they secretly steam about their "love" interests boyfriend (and they ALWAYS have a boyfriend, or are gay, in which case it would
be a big strong dyke kicking the little weeners sorry ass) so they end up throwing a skinny armed punch at the guy, to which he and all of his friends respond to by kicking the little dorks ass.

> his stance - the emo stance is like what somebody looks like after they got punched in the stomach and peed their pants at the same time, but are still standing up (picture it: hunched
shoulders, staring at feet like going to cry)

>band shirt - duh.

OH SOMETHING I JUST NOTICED:

"seminal" ?? ?? ???

hello... uhh... urrgh.

this is all too stupid to even waste my time blathering about....

so look at me im dumb.

fucvk all of you guys though.
emo is really stupid, and you guys are all posers (the ones that are talking about themselves and their supposeed "emo" "fashion")
although i suppose being an emo poser isnt much worse than just being regular emo, which is lame and dumb.

hey i bet all you guys like bright eyes, huh?

waaah waah waaaah.

he sucks.

FUCK YOU!

love, peter

-- lord peter of the domain of doom (pukejunk...), October 3rd, 2002.

i have a cat named mina she is happy when she digs my claws into my leg and blood come runing out slowly. Mike Patton is jesus christ. Jade if your out there can you smell my scream? Where's
my kurt vonnegut? "You don't know her?" Seth asked. "Yes i do her name is emliy." gabe said "Can you put this out Gabe?" I asked handing him my smoke. If she had a brain inserted into her.

-- God him fucking self (john400...), October 3rd, 2002.

hi pete!

-- gareth (garet...), October 3rd, 2002.

Thats two for Gareth, as my mum said there is no harm in being civil

yes, I'm the only critic who likes the New Pornographers album that much. I apologize, they'll finish 97th.
-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), July 3rd, 2003.

YAY!
-- Anthony Miccio

That covers everything I could possibly want to know about singlehood and relationships except the geopolitics of the wet spot, which I'm pretty sure Nick Cave had a few albums about.

-- Tep (te...), July 2nd, 2003 10:26 PM. (later)

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You mean like when he said he'd climb over fifty perfectly good pussies to get to one fat boy's asshole?
-- Kenan Hebert (khebert...), July 2nd, 2003 10:27 PM. (later)

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See, there you go. We could totally make a seminar out of that.
-- Tep (te...), July 2nd, 2003 10:27 PM. (later)

dudrunkkkki

HEy EVRYbody. WHere are yuou should be here. tHE CRAZIEST PARTY EVERY!!. yO IT'S SO CRAZY. thE REMIX TO IGNITION : IT'S
THE FREKIN WEEKEND!!
yaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyYysaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

BOUNCE BOUNCE

-- A Nairn (moreta...), July 3rd, 2003. (later)

Answers

sorry, did i really post this message?

-- A Nairn (moreta...), July 3rd, 2003. (later)

-- russ t (russ.thoma...), July 3rd, 2003. (later)

'no go'!?? what is that, japanese?

-- dave q (scrape10...), July 3rd, 2003. (later)

Muahaahahahahaaahahaahaha!

http://www.kuci.org/~brianm/ile/EVILGIRL.jpg

-- Brian MacDonald (brian...), May 27th, 2002.

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), May 14th, 2003.

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i am agreeing AND disagreeing of course
-- mark s (mar...), May 14th, 2003.

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my deep political programme = persuading everyone in the world to stand up here on the fence w.me = world peace will inevitably ensue
-- mark s (mar...), May 14th, 2003.

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"I would imagine Nick Mason's arse must be rather sore by now, considering how many years he's been sitting on that fence" (Dave Gilmour in the current Uncut).
-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), May 14th, 2003.

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camapign slogan:
"my fence is not too pointy"
-- mark s (mar...), May 14th, 2003.

I mean, sentances like that second one are what ILE is all about!

-- Curtis Stephens (sevenxvii...) (webmail), July 6th, 2003 8:55 PM. (Curtis Stephens) (later)

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Really? I was just wondering how I'd ever got by without knowing this.
-- Matt (Mat...) (webmail), July 6th, 2003 9:10 PM.

-- Tep (te...), July 7th, 2003.

-- Mary (maj23...), July 7th, 2003. (later) (link)

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[...]

what is a kogal?

-- gareth (garet...), July 7th, 2003. (later) (link)

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It's almost a Kogan but you wear it like a hat.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), July 7th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- nabisco

[EVERYTHING IS DRAWN IN A SCRATCHY WHITE-ON-BLACK STYLE. BETTY WHITE IS COOKING POTATOES, AND IS A GIANT ANTHROPOMORPHIC HEN. BETTY TAKES ONE POTATO AND CRACKS IT OPEN LIKE AN EGG. CLOSE UP OF WEEPING FACES SLIDING OUT OF IT INTO A FRYING PAN. CUT TO BEA ARTHUR COMING THROUGH THE KITCHEN DOOR. SHE IS BALD AND HOLDS A SMALL COCKROACH-MAN IN HER HANDS, WHICH IS GAGGED AND IS TRYING TO BREATHE]

BEA: Oh my hen wife, will you ever buy me creamed rice?
BETTY: Creamed rice is a tool of Western propaganda. Shut up and eat your boiled potato.
BEA: Gahhhhhhhhhhh!

[CUT TO BEA'S HEAD ROLLING OFF HER NECK AND THUMPING ON THE FLOOR. BETTY SCREAMS. JUMP CUT TO BETTY IDLY CLUCKING A HAPPY SONG AS SHE WASHES PLATES. BEA HAS HER HEAD BACK ON, AND IS SQUEEZING THE COCKRAOCH-MAN. FADE OUT, AND BACK INTO SUBTITLE: "WHY MUST WE ALL DIE?"]

(© 1972 StateFilm Animation Studio)

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[...]

-- Chriddof (hullo...), July 6th, 2003. (later) (link)

Like the man says,
Probably no creature on earth can cause as much torment for its size than the tiny chigger.

They're baaaaaaaaaad news.

-- JesseFox (...)
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And no, I don't know what poison ivory is either. But it sounds bad. Those poor elephants.

-- JesseFox (...)
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You mean those poisonous elephants!

-- s1utsky (...)
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poison ivory = bad piano playing

-- electric sound of jim (...)

-- Justyn Dillingham (aubade8...), July 8th, 2003 4:54 AM. (later)

The boy is on fire today.

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Settle down Beavis.
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), July 8th, 2003. (later)

see also "you cheeky monkeys!"
-- amateurist (amat...), July 8th, 2003. (later)
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I own the Ace of Base record. But really, Chuck, are you seriously defending Jesse Camp?
-- Alex in NYC (vass...), July 8th, 2003. (later)

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I think Chuck has earned the right to say he has decent taste.
-- Tico Tico (tico...), July 8th, 2003. (later)

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"It puts the lotion in the basket or else it gets THE HOSE again."
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), July 8th, 2003 11:32 AM. (later)

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If the 'it' is a girlfriend there, the implication would be that one would desire 'it' to squeeze the lotion out of a basket or batch via attached biological mechanisms.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), July 8th, 2003 11:34 AM. (later)

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Ned refers to a girlfriend as 'it'? It gets worse.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), July 8th, 2003 11:35 AM. (later)

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Your girlfriend gets worse?
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), July 8th, 2003 11:36 AM. (later)

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"Hi, my name is Ned and it is Amanda."
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), July 8th, 2003 11:37 AM. (later)

-- Captain Bongo (captainbong...), July 8th, 2003. (later) (link)

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This isn't something to be laughed about. Get well Dizzee and you f*cks get on with your lives.

Whatever you say, "Captain Bongo."

-- Naive Teen Idol (matthewjweine...), July 8th, 2003. (later) (link)