excelsior!! cutting and pasting!! laugh out loud!!!

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

I understand, Mr. FUCK FUCK ASS SHIT. I did a search for "manure crash" and "poop crash." Why is it so f-ing hard to find a pic of a car that has crashed into a truck carrying manure and thus been covered in said shit?

-- Sarah McLUsky (x77tigersxu...), October 21st, 2003.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 17:40 (twenty-two years ago)

New answers!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Saturday night seems pretty wide open to me. I anticipate the afternoon (haha "morning") will be taken up w/non-ILx activity, and Friday night I am going to LOTS of shows. So basically I am happy to piggyback on whatever Spencer-related activities are planned.
-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), October 21st, 2003.

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Au contraire! I am piggybacking on your activities, Matos!
-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), October 21st, 2003.

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You guys are making this thread all gay.
-- bnw (rilke...), October 21st, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 21 October 2003 18:04 (twenty-two years ago)

people shit all over this place. and that sort of makes me happy.

-- kephm (keph...), October 21st, 2003. (later) (link)

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abort! abort!

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), October 21st, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 18:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Well my mind is officially blown. The rigours women will endure for purely platonic beauty ideals. HOLY GOD I JUST SPELLED RIGORS WITH A 'U'. Sorry. Anyway. Where was I? Oh yes: Slouch boots = YOU HAVE CARIBOU LEGS. I'm trying to think even of an exception that proves the rule and I can't. And I'm sorry, I've seen the Japanese girls do it and they look just as bad to me (and I am the arbiter of all fashion, I mean, just look at me!) Of course you could ALWAYS BE THAT EXCEPTION. A "don't" that is just somehow miraculously a "do" (except don't, cause it'll never work for anyone else). You never know!

Big boobs are acceptable.

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), October 21st, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 21 October 2003 19:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Boston sucks ass!! Taste NYC's capitalism bitches!!!

-- Ally-zay (sor...), October 17th, 2003.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 19:17 (twenty-two years ago)

(The critical portion is in bold; the context is that the thread was about showering)

power was out in my 'hood this morning, and my bathroom has no windows, and i couldn't find my rav0r glowing balls to help provide guiding light, so i went to work all groggy and then told my tales and then someone told me the first floor of my work building had showers (!!!), so i took one. and now i'm not as groggy. the end.

-- donut bitch (do...), October 21st, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 19:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Dee, supergenius:

Like, oh my gawd, this is, like, totally what Momus sounds like as filtered through the Valley URL:
I've said I totally don't come to ILX to talk like, you know, about ILX Like, Here's where I contradict myself proudly, boldly, without contradiction Like, Here's where I horrify a bunch of posters whose attitudes to life are similar to mine by hand picking them to be part of a studly brand, a studly band, a studly gang which I am calling, for the purposes of marketing, THE CLUSTER GANG.
So stop forward Nerd-Face, Suzy, Ed, Enrique, Tracer Hand, Muffin Sterzinger, Nabisco... the gang like, you know, totally starts with you Like, there are differences in accent, but I feel like like we are A GANG. Did I miss anyone out? Like, I am so sure! Who else feels they should be with us? Like, I am so sure! Who knows for like, fer sure they're against us? Like, I am so sure! Can like we define what it is totally that unites us and will bind this unit through turbulent threads? Like, I am so sure! Can like we work out a system of relay or tag posting related to geography, so that when one poster tires there's always another in a different time zone ready to come in slugging for liberty, justice and THE CLUSTER GANG WAY?

-- Momus (nic...), October 16th, 2003.

Like, oh my GAWD!

*calms down*

-- Many Coloured Halo (deethe_downspamdown_lurke...), October 21st, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 19:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Dick is for suckas

-- mookieproof

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 04:15 (twenty-two years ago)

(Could someone maybe cut and paste the "laugh out loud" tag into the title cause I didn't know what this thread was about until someone linked to it...)

― kate (kate), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 07:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Who needs pioneers? The best genres already exist anyway

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), October 22nd, 2003.

― man, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 12:02 (twenty-two years ago)

(Thank you to whatever moderator did that - I wasn't just being pedantic; it makes it easier to search for.)

― kate (kate), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 12:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Khakis are the John Mayer of pants.
-- mark p (m*****...), October 22nd, 2003.

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they make my crotch feel like a wonderland.
-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), October 22nd, 2003.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 12:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Ha, beat me to it.

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 12:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I Msexy in black
-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), September 28th, 2001.

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Mike you are a fuckpuppet in black or out of it
-- anthony (anthonyeasto...), September 28th, 2001.

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stick your hand up me then and make me do your bidding
-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), September 29th, 2001.

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I am baby i am
-- anthony (anthonyeasto...), September 29th, 2001.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I have about 10 pair of khaki's. I wear one. I don't think I've ever worn a pair outside of work.
I wear them skin tight, they're more like Khakdex, show off the buns and package.

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), October 22nd, 2003 9:56 AM. (Chris V)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Today is really funny on ILX.

When you come to Boston, I am specifically wearing khakis just to annoy you.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 22nd, 2003.

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Guess who is getting a kick in the nuts!
-- Allyzay (khak...), October 22nd, 2003.

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Cool, if Dans wearing khakis I'm going to wear a Red Sox sweatsuit.
-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), October 22nd, 2003.

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Great! I'll show up with a blowtorch!!
-- Allyzay (fashio...), October 22nd, 2003.

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Actually I'm going to sew Red Sox patches on the crotch of my khakis and surround it with blinking Christmas tree lights.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 22nd, 2003.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

The Khakis thread is GOLD:

I'm wearing khakis right now and I would like my kick in the nuts please.

-- Bryan (twp62y...), October 22nd, 2003. (later) (link)

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Check your email!

-- NA (emmaa...), October 22nd, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:18 (twenty-two years ago)

(I really did send him an email, I wonder if he got it.)

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:29 (twenty-two years ago)

It's funny because it's true!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I did and now I'm enjoying that sick feeling that spreads up your abdomen after a good nut-kicking. Thanks Nick!

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Come to think of it, I'd wear chaps made out of baby seals before I'd wear khakis.
-- Sarah Pedal (exchelsease...), October 22nd, 2003.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Goddamnit I had that one on my clipboard!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:44 (twenty-two years ago)

OK!!! WE GET IT!!! THE KHAKI THREAD IS FUNNY!!! THERE IS NO NEED TO REPOST THE ENTIRE FREAKING THREAD HERE!!!

Sorry, I'm just trying to ignore that thread, and it's really hard when they keep popping up on a thread you *are* following.

― kate (kate), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:46 (twenty-two years ago)

anti-khakite

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:48 (twenty-two years ago)

http://bitchcakes.topcities.com/turbonegro/tomfinger.jpg

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:48 (twenty-two years ago)

"Have a Hawaiian shirt...FOR YOUR ASS"
-- Allyzay (khaki...), October 22nd, 2003 10:47 AM.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:49 (twenty-two years ago)

these threads would be a dam sight shorter if Ally was banned from posting on them. stop finding such joy in life girl!

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

nickalicious cut n paste of my post reminded me of this FUCKING CLASSIC (haha xpost I will try to be more sad from now on stevem!!)

I hope everybody understands by now why I personally do not own a camera
-- Millar (tmilla...), July 10th, 2003.

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Yeah, cuz you spent all your money on that shirt.
-- NA. (emmaa...), July 10th, 2003.

― allyzay, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I think Ally and I need our own board where I tell bad jokes and she laughs at them.

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 14:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah! We were kind of trying to convince a friend of ours to do just that, basically, but he lazed out on us with it and decided to go out drinking every night instead. Selfish prick.

Seriously, NA, that joke still comes up from time to time. Because I bring it up. Every time he puts on that shirt.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 14:04 (twenty-two years ago)

taking sides: http://bitchcakes.topcities.com/turbonegro/tomfinger.jpg vs http://base58.com/ilx/oscar.jpg

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 14:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Tom is about 8 billion times cuter than Oscar the Grouch!!

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 14:09 (twenty-two years ago)

and also that bit more succinct - damn his eyes

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 14:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Tom don't need no words! Tom don't need no music! Oscar the Grouch is for shit!!

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm not wearing khakis today, but i was considering.
can someone please give my crotch some attention, too? It's so cold & lonely on this wintry michigan day.

-- Kingfish (jdsalmo...), October 22nd, 2003 12:00 AM. (later)

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I could knit you a cock cozy.
-- teeny (teen...), October 22nd, 2003 12:00 AM. (later)

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I am still laughing at that.

And sorry Kate, but the rules are: if you laugh out loud at something, you have to paste it here. Even if it results in entire thread duplication.

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

ILX is on fire today.

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 14:39 (twenty-two years ago)

if you laugh out loud at something, you have to paste it here

you don't have to - i laugh out loud at some of my own stuff sometimes (how lame i know, but it doesn't take that much to make me laugh) but i couldn't post it myself...

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 14:44 (twenty-two years ago)

hopefully, when it is finally erect, you will be gazing upon a beautiful chest and be able to stroke your knobs and smoke a cock.

-- RJG (r_gillander...), October 22nd, 2003.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 15:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Mark you should make sure the drawers are removed before you handle the chest.
-- Tico Tico (ticoticoil...), October 22nd, 2003. (Tico Tico) (later)

...did it for me.

Good thing I'm leaving, so I don't have to follow 40 more posts from the same thread again...

― kate (kate), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 15:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Wasn't there also a story about a guy whose penis is incredibly small but has some secret power?
-- Casuistry (chri...), October 22nd, 2003. (later)

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that was the entire Xanth series.
-- teeny (teen...), October 22nd, 2003. (later)

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 15:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, Tico is Chief of the Bureau.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

A million screws!! Oh, the humanity!

-- Mark C (boyincorduro...), October 22nd, 2003.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Khakis are the John Mayer of pants.

-- mark p (m*****...), October 22nd, 2003.

they make my crotch feel like a wonderland.

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), October 22nd, 2003.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 15:54 (twenty-two years ago)

So funny it needed to be posted twice, eh?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

hush

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 16:12 (twenty-two years ago)

This just put the twinkle in me eye (not sure who is channeling my thoughts pithier, though):

Seeing the funny side of things is classic. Being expected to see the funny side of things is dud. Especially when the expector isn't actually funny.
-- Tico Tico (ticoticoil...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2003. (later)

David Brent to thread.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I had a dream last night that I was staying in a hotel room with my brother, Lars Ulrich (I wish I was making this up). Instead of a mini-bar, there was a washing machine shaped like one of those little fridges.
I don't know what this means! I've never even listened to a Metallica album.

-- miloauckerman (suspectdevic...), October 22nd, 2003 12:00 AM. (later)

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

reckon Marcello's a shoe-in. If he noms himself, which I think yer supposed to.
-- Enrique (miltonpinsk...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2003. (later)

Blogging is about pithy journalism, not interminable tracts about why Kraftwerk's ouvre in 1976 made ones balls drop a lil' bit further.
-- Pete (pb1...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 19:04 (twenty-two years ago)

that which is not purposeful is not beautiful!!!!
-- RJG (r_gillander...), October 22nd, 2003.

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That was some idiot architect, right?
-- N. (nickdastoo...), October 22nd, 2003.

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that serves no purpose and neither does your fucking face.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), October 22nd, 2003.

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My face is just this thing in the way until I wrap it around your fist.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), October 22nd, 2003.

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when have you ever seen nick's 'fucking face'?
-- stevem (bluesk...), October 22nd, 2003.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 19:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I love how everyone's been avoiding the obvious: sweaty balls. LICK BALLS YALL!
-- Yanc3y (ystr1ckl3...), January 16th, 2003 6:37 PM. (ystrickler)

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"I saw you across the bar and I couldn't help noticing how nice your sweaty balls are."
"Thanks! I get them from my dad."

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), January 16th, 2003 6:38 PM. (Dan Perry)

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HIGH FIVE!
-- Yanc3y (ystr1ckl3...), January 16th, 2003 6:41 PM. (ystrickler)

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"There must be some sweaty balls missing in heaven"
-- (e...), January 16th, 2003 6:42 PM.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 19:47 (twenty-two years ago)

y'know, if we were Will Ferrell as Harry Caray, then people could be hot dogs! LINDA HAM! LINDA HAM!
-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), July 8th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 19:55 (twenty-two years ago)

"You must have a magical... Mangina."

"Mangina???"

"Mangina. It's a professional term we man-whores use to refer to our... he-pussies."

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2003. (spencermfi)

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 20:27 (twenty-two years ago)

OK!!! WE GET IT!!! THE KHAKI THREAD IS FUNNY!!! THERE IS NO NEED TO REPOST THE ENTIRE FREAKING THREAD HERE!!!

-- kate (masonicboo...), October 22nd, 2003

― kephm, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 20:47 (twenty-two years ago)

So twat is just mildly offensive in the UK, right?
-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), October 22nd, 2003 8:03 AM. (Oops)

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Depends on whether you spell it with/without the "Bl"
-- Nichole Graham (britbab...), October 22nd, 2003 8:04 AM. (Nichole Graham)

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It's a weird one - some people find it very offensive. Others don't even realise what it means.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), October 22nd, 2003 8:04 AM. (nickdastoor)

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"Bltwat"?
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 22nd, 2003 8:06 AM. (Dan Perry)

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"Blount"?
-- Leee (redhalcyo...), October 22nd, 2003 8:12 AM. (Leee)

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 22:02 (twenty-two years ago)

bastards

― cinniblount (James Blount), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 22:10 (twenty-two years ago)

um, just twisting the topic slightly...was listening to the radio yesterday. i heard this:

I don't know if I told you, but I'm seeking sanctuary
You'll never guess the things that I do
I'll have the devil round for tea
Don't you know that I'm here beside you
Can't you see that I can't relax
When I saw you in my rearview
You could've stopped me in my tracks

I'll be there for you when you want me to
I'll stand by your side like I always do
In the dead of night it'll be alright
'Cos I'll be there for you when you want me to

You can take me to an island, ride across the stormy sea
We can worship pagan idols, there together you and me
Why don't you run over here and rescue me?
You can drive down in your car
Why don't we both take a ride and turn that key
We'll drive at 60 miles an hour

they are the most banal, senseless and cringy lyrics ever. in fact i think bernard is one of the worst lyricists of all time. at least other amateurs can do 'dumb' and sound cool, but this is sub-oasis. actually, the more i think about it, new order get far too much kudos. they're old, boring and earnest. fuck em.

-- paulhw (pppso...), October 22nd, 2003 10:57 PM. (paulhw) (later)

Your complaints are noted.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 22nd, 2003 11:01 PM. (Ned) (later)

appreciated...

-- paulhw (pppso...), October 22nd, 2003 11:04 PM. (paulhw) (later)

They won't be acted upon, though.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 22nd, 2003 11:07 PM. (Ned) (later)

yeah, but if i can just make one person cringe when they listen to new order's lyrics...and if that one person checks him/herself before ever buying another new order album....success!

-- paulhw (pppso...), October 22nd, 2003 11:22 PM. (paulhw) (later)

Hm. I have other goals.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 22nd, 2003 12:06 AM. (Ned) (later)

― cinniblount (James Blount), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 22:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I know of a guy (a friend's ex) who (probably still but I'm not certain) likes to fuck himself in the ass with a cigar tube while he beats off, and the freak just leaves the tube sitting around all covered in dried up shit afterwards (yeah, that's the part that makes him a freak!). One time a girl he was living with found a cigar tube under the couch all covered in poo and lint and, disgusted, felt compelled to confront him about it. When he got home, she, all shocked and grossed out, held it out and shook it at him, and demanded, "What the hell is this?" he said, "It's a cigar tube." "I know!" she screamed. "What the hell are you doing with it?" "Oh," he replied, all blasé, "I stick it in my ass when I masturbate." Fucking philosophy majors!

-- Bryan (twp62y...), October 22nd, 2003 8:34 PM.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 22:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Ladies and gents, let it be recorded that it will snow heavily during Winter 2003 in the City of San Antonio. I have actually managed to make someone else laugh. This is a very rare occurrence. Invest in companies that manufacture parkas, my fellow Sun Belt-ers.

― Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Thursday, 23 October 2003 00:33 (twenty-two years ago)

(aside: mucho thanks, Ned!)

― Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Thursday, 23 October 2003 00:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Ned posted it so I didn't have to, Dee.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 23 October 2003 00:38 (twenty-two years ago)

i look like evil Balki
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), April 24th, 2003.

(it's funny cos it is TRUE)

― Allyzay, Thursday, 23 October 2003 00:47 (twenty-two years ago)

17. I hate it when people call me Teddy Ruxpin...I'm not like that.
-- geeta (geet...), October 23rd, 2003.

― Not Ally, Thursday, 23 October 2003 01:08 (twenty-two years ago)

i plan on getting wicked drunk and finding some woman who wants to mother me.

-- mohammed abba (dubplatestyl...), October 23rd, 2003.

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No Wire Hangers, EVER!
-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), October 23rd, 2003.

― allyzay, Thursday, 23 October 2003 04:03 (twenty-two years ago)

"surfing the Internet"
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), October 20th, 2003 4:24 AM. (tracerhand)

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"logging on"
-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), October 20th, 2003 4:34 AM. (Oops)

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"uploading my rock photos from the weekend to a free image-hosting service"
-- Kingfish (jdsalmo...), October 20th, 2003 4:49 AM. (Kingfish)

I'm almost crying at the euphemisms thread.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 23 October 2003 05:40 (twenty-two years ago)

If they are feeling left out, maybe the men of ILE could go on one of those testosterone-reaffirming man-weekends-away where they strip and smear themselves in mud and bang drums and yell and slaughter beasts.

-- Emma

Ha! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 23 October 2003 11:14 (twenty-two years ago)

i agree that picturing the men of ILE doing that IS very funny

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 23 October 2003 11:22 (twenty-two years ago)

But what beast should be slaughtered?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 23 October 2003 13:05 (twenty-two years ago)

A mouse from the maggot thread!

― Skottie, Thursday, 23 October 2003 13:10 (twenty-two years ago)

C*l*m.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 23 October 2003 13:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Rule one of fart cave is you do not discuss fart cave.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 23rd, 2003. (Dan Perry) (later)

― kate (kate), Thursday, 23 October 2003 14:14 (twenty-two years ago)

It's the cat. Hm, you know, I would seriously go find all copies of this movie and piss on it.
-- Ned Raggett

Marking your territory again?
-- Dan Perry

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 23 October 2003 14:14 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, I have to go hide in the loo for a bit because I've got the giggles so bad I can't work after this:

See, we're not denying this, Dan. Embrace your inner fart cave.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 23rd, 2003. (Ned) (later)

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Thanks, I wouldn't want to put my arms far enough to reach it!
-- kate (masonicboo...), October 23rd, 2003. (kate) (later)

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Help me, dear lord, I'm turning into Dan Perry!
(funnily enough, that sounds like the title of a future SPZ b-side!)

-- kate (masonicboo...), October 23rd, 2003. (kate) (later)

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"Help Me, Dear Lord (I'm Turning Into Dan Perry)", the B-side to "All Together To the Sun," was released to general bemusement to the public. Hearing Jason Pierce sing "I don't wanna die/Oh lord/Sing about asshats all day/Oh lord/Cockfarmers and fart caves/Oh lord" struck many as 'curious.'
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 23rd, 2003. (Ned) (later)

― kate (kate), Thursday, 23 October 2003 14:28 (twenty-two years ago)

In what universe does thrift store not mean hipster antique store?

-- Sonny A. (newaddres...), October 23rd, 2003. (Keiko)
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Answer: When actual poor people shop there.

-- Dale the Titled (cpre...), October 23rd, 2003. (cprek)

― adaml (adaml), Thursday, 23 October 2003 16:32 (twenty-two years ago)

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH GRENADINE?
-- allyzay (drin...), October 23rd, 2003.

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IT STINGS WHEN YOU PUT IT ON WOUNDS!
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 23rd, 2003.

― aLLYZAY, Thursday, 23 October 2003 16:37 (twenty-two years ago)

ONE TIME I PUT IT ON PANCAKES AND THAT WAS GOOD!

-- allyzay (yu...), October 23rd, 2003 1:40 PM. (link)

This phrase should be used in all conversations.

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Thursday, 23 October 2003 16:44 (twenty-two years ago)

It kind of reminds me of the clown sex thing on Real Sex, actually.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 23 October 2003 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 23 October 2003 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

godamn anytime you want to completely ruin someone's day, you just have to reference that show, it's like a space age weapon.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 23 October 2003 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Every time i see pancakes, I just want to put my ass in them!! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

― Allyzay, Thursday, 23 October 2003 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

What the hell thread is all that 'fart cave' business to be found on?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 23 October 2003 17:13 (twenty-two years ago)

A special thread. (Look for 'Spiritualized')

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 23 October 2003 17:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Where do I begin? I don't want to even go into it online, but I might be facing some pretty serious health issues.

-- Nicolars (nicolew1...), October 23rd, 2003. (later) (link)

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-- teeny (teen...), October 23rd, 2003. (later) (link)

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:-( :-(

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 23rd, 2003. (later) (link)

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:(:(:(motherfucker!

-- teeny (teen...), October 23rd, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

sorry nicolars, I just can't handle it when ned gets all up in my shit.

-- teeny (teen...), October 23rd, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 23 October 2003 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

oh man, now I feel even more assholey! I really didn't mean to turn Nicole's health into funny fodder.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 23 October 2003 18:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I need to lay off the choco bars.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 23 October 2003 18:01 (twenty-two years ago)

:-(

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 23 October 2003 18:03 (twenty-two years ago)

don't even start with me.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 23 October 2003 18:03 (twenty-two years ago)

She'll stomp you, Perry. (Teeny: go on, Dan can take a swift kick or two;>)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 23 October 2003 18:07 (twenty-two years ago)

when i was 11 i was coming down off the roof of my house onto a brach of a tree and was attacked by a hive of bees. i ran through the yard -grabbing at the air and squeezing the bees to a pulp.
it wasn't so bad cause i only got stung once

-- kephm (keph...), October 23rd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FUCKING HARDCORE
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 23rd, 2003.

― allyzay, Thursday, 23 October 2003 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

when i bought the poison bait i was feeling very vindictive, but today when i was confronted with the ugly evidence i went all soft. perhaps it's time to try those humane traps. i don't want maggots, after all!
-- lauren (jaguarrid...), October 23rd, 2003 11:41 PM. (laurenp) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I beat the rat in my future wife's apartment to death with a metal pipe, I went all hard.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 23rd, 2003 11:43 PM. (Dan Perry) (later)

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 23 October 2003 18:40 (twenty-two years ago)

HAHA!

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 23 October 2003 18:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Not to make fun of Horace's struggle, but....:

y'know, I could have a cigarette and nobody would know.
I'm not going to see anyone close to me for another 25 hours. I could do it. I could get away with it.
But then I'd know.
And then I'd be a smoker pretending to be a non-smoker again. I don't really want a cigarette anyway. I just want the damn buzzing under my jaw to go away!
-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2003. (later)

I'm telling ya, smack will help cure those nicotine cravings.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2003. (later)

Yeah, c'mon, let me smack you.
-- Casuistry (chri...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 23 October 2003 19:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Abbreviated nationalities or racist remarks?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 23 October 2003 19:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Why does the Nazi girl have bigger breasts?
-- bnw (rilke...), October 23rd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

der wunderbra
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), October 23rd, 2003.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 23 October 2003 19:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Come drive my wankmobile (6 new answers, 6+ unread)

― felicity (felicity), Thursday, 23 October 2003 19:51 (twenty-two years ago)

pash spice

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), October 23rd, 2003 4:51 PM. (James Blount) (link)

Shut up, you redneck!

-- Allyzay (naz...), October 23rd, 2003 4:53 PM. (link)

Spicist.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 23rd, 2003 4:54 PM. (Ned) (link)

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Thursday, 23 October 2003 19:58 (twenty-two years ago)

On Monday, Seattle broke a record for rainiest day ever. Yes, Seattle! (5 inches all over the city, far worse in the mountains to the west). Now, it's sunny and cold. This weekend will be sunny and warm.
El Nino is a secret funky maestro of fuck.

-- donut bitch (do...) (webmail), October 23rd, 2003. (later)

You have coined a beautiful new phrase.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), October 23rd, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 23 October 2003 20:08 (twenty-two years ago)

That's a grey area too though. It is a site using blogger - on the other hand I'm sure diaristic things were allowed last time and I want the hits.
-- Tico Tico (ticoticoil...) (webmail), October 23rd, 2003. (later)

Well then that's between you and your conscience.
-- Tim (hopkinsti...) (webmail), October 23rd, 2003. (later)

Hold on, I put my conscience down somewhere the other day. Maybe it rolled under the sofa.
-- Tico Tico (ticoticoil...) (webmail), October 23rd, 2003. (later)

Hahah yes what's between you and your conscience is your nice comfy sofa.
-- Tim (hopkinsti...) (webmail), October 23rd, 2003. (later)

I don't have a nice comfy sofa between me and my conscience. Just an old broom.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), October 23rd, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 23 October 2003 20:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Nichole, are you on the laughing gas?

(actually I think the speedy server has us all tweaked out and giggly, that's why this thread has been getting so many posts.)

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 23 October 2003 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Nichole, are you on the laughing gas?

What can I say? You lot have me laughing on the inside today, Teeny.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 23 October 2003 20:55 (twenty-two years ago)

from the newspapers thread:

Julie Burchill is an absurd writer who likes to be provocative for the sake of it.
Julie Burchill is a living saint who provokes people into questioning the dull ideological conformity of her times.

-- Enrique (miltonpinsk...), October 23rd, 2003. (later)

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 23 October 2003 22:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes but surely this is a thread about laughing on the outside?

(I feel like I'm picking on you lately, Nick -- sorry if it's coming off like that!)

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 23 October 2003 22:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Not to worry Chris, it's all good. I can take it as well as dish it out.

BTW,

Yes but surely this is a thread about laughing on the outside?

The librarians around me might complain though, dude.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 23 October 2003 22:42 (twenty-two years ago)

...

El Nino is a secret funky maestro of fuck.

-- donut bitch (do...), October 23rd, 2003 1:42 PM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 23 October 2003 22:53 (twenty-two years ago)

It's twice now! Because it's such a brilliant phrase. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 23 October 2003 22:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm just repetitive - erase erase erase

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 23 October 2003 22:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Never mind, Luna. Though "secret funky maestro of fuck" should be on the new ILX T-shirt.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 23 October 2003 23:11 (twenty-two years ago)

It's all right Luna. The secret of humour is repetition.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 24 October 2003 11:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Repetition is the secret of humour.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 24 October 2003 11:16 (twenty-two years ago)

the other secret is the Miami Sound Machine.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 24 October 2003 12:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Ronan909: haha the guardian's 40 best us bands says the flaming lips encompass so many sounds yadda yadda and then outrageously "DETROIT
TECHNO"

Ronan909: hahaha

Dubplatestyle: !!!

Ronan909: i fucking hate that rock hack tendency to say this is a big melange of styles

Ronan909: as if you can learn anything about anything other than rock
Ronan909: from the flaming lips

Dubplatestyle: well ronan obviously other music has no value until it is filtered into great, epic rock

Ronan909: coldplay take in a whole range of influences, from dylan to dillinja

Dubplatestyle: dylanja

Ronan909: haha

Dubplatestyle: absolutely sweet muthafacka

Ronan909: the first man to make electronic drum and bass

Ronan909: before that it was very tiring

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), October 24th, 2003. (later)

― robin (robin), Friday, 24 October 2003 18:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Someone lock the thread.

― Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 24 October 2003 18:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I really am aloof and self-involved except for when I'm manically obsessing over something.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 23rd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Like my lack of understanding of basic anatomy.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 23rd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BINGO
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 23rd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ew
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 23rd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I win.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 23rd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not if you have to clean up.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 23rd, 2003.

― Allyzay, Friday, 24 October 2003 19:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm just repetitive - erase erase erase
-- luna (luna_cee...), October 23rd, 2003 4:57 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's all right Luna. The secret of humour is repetition.
-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...), October 24th, 2003 5:15 AM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Repetition is the secret of humour.
-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...), October 24th, 2003 5:16 AM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the other secret is the Miami Sound Machine.
-- Kingfish (jdsalmo...), October 24th, 2003 6:48 AM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 24 October 2003 19:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Hardcore cat fanciers are probably already aware of this, but...

-- Jerry the Nipper (jerrythenippe...), October 24th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 24 October 2003 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

OMG, Cat Town is done by SPATCH!

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 24 October 2003 21:11 (twenty-two years ago)

clarification: all ppl who invoke the so-called "test of time" must butt out of the conversation for the length of time they consider "proves" their "point"
-- mark s (mark@eva...), October 24th, 2003 3:02 PM

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Friday, 24 October 2003 21:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Which is the first time I've been made to laugh out loud. Something to do with the tension involved when someone has a reasonable if not remarkable point to make and innocently glosses it with a "test of time"-type mistake. And you know, round here, it's gonna get punished, and it deserves to be punished. But still you wince.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Friday, 24 October 2003 21:56 (twenty-two years ago)

It's all contextual, I admit:

---

now that everyone's got their Lord Custos impersonations out of their systems...

-- hstencil (hstenci...), October 25th, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 25 October 2003 13:32 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread has restored my faith in humanity.

-- Johnney B (stigoftdum...), October 25th, 2003. (later)

restored your faith in humanity? wow. all this thread has done is convince me that there are two mentalists out there who like saving teddy bears

-- geeta (geet...), October 25th, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 25 October 2003 13:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Signs Your Band Isn't Going To Make It

You get a standing ovation when you announce that you're taking a break
All of the record companies have filed restraining orders against you.
Your drum machine quit.
Your keyboard player is a Fisher Price endorsee
Your triangle player is tone deaf
Best Gig to Date - High School Halloween Dance.
You hear strange noises in the distance that sounds strangely like "shut up!"
Your guitarist wants to know what this tuning stuff is all about.
After leaving the pawn shop you call yourselves 'acapella'
You auditioned for Star Search and they put you in the comedians category.
A string of unexplaned drummer deaths
The world is not ready for a Michael Jackson tribute band
Your singer sounds like Fran Drescher.
Flying to the gig on Lynyrd Skynyrd airways.
You destory your instruments at your first gig, and you are broke
Your mom is your only fan.
Your 'tour' involves collecting aluminum cans and recycling them

Other signs of impending doom? Anyone?

-- Lord Custos Omicron (l.custo...), October 25th, 2003. (later)

Ever Fallen Asleep At A Thread?

-- David. (coze...), October 25th, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 25 October 2003 17:14 (twenty-two years ago)

cozen rocks.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Saturday, 25 October 2003 17:22 (twenty-two years ago)

(revive of trife's 'bep girl' thread)

Oh my god, why did no one tell me that this was Stacey from Kids Incorporated????
-- tokyo rosemary

WHAT
-- s1utsky

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Saturday, 25 October 2003 23:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I spend one hour each day staring directly into the sun just to piss the the AUTHORITIES and I feel fine
-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...), October 26th, 2003 8:21 AM

― Priscilla Beaulieu Magnatech (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 26 October 2003 19:44 (twenty-two years ago)

The weird thing is, so many bands say "We're just making music for ourselves, and if anyone else likes it it's a bonus", but in REM's case it seems to be true. They must be financially set for lives now, so they can induldge whatever they feel like doing.
-- Dom Passantino (lifetimepilingu...) (webmail), October 27th, 2003 4:41 AM. (Dom Passantino) (later) (link)

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lucky us
-- stevem (bluesk...) (webmail), October 27th, 2003 5:00 AM. (blueski) (later) (link)

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 27 October 2003 13:00 (twenty-two years ago)

though if you are planning to travel to Horsenden Hill on foot, you have to watch out that you don't get decapitated by flying golf balls from the neighbouring golf course.

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), October 27th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

what kind of golf ball can decapitate you???

-- MarkH (mark_e_heste...), October 27th, 2003. (later) (link)

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ah yes we negelected to inform you that perivale is populated by GIANT NICK FALDO

-- stevem (bluesk...), October 27th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 14:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought "lacks chemistry" was a coded way of saying "they refused to share their cocaine with me"
-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...), October 27th, 2003 9:24 AM. (J0hn Darn1elle)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 14:30 (twenty-two years ago)

My mate told me that to get a woman pregnant you had to jump up and down on her exactly 100 times.

-- Fuzzy (magica...), October 26th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 14:34 (twenty-two years ago)

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''the last picture posted, it looks like andrew farrell? is about to sadistically finish off someone he has already punched to the ground. julio, perhaps.''
why me?!

-- Julio Desouza (juli...), October 27th, 2003 2:41 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

he is really smiling.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), October 27th, 2003 2:46 PM. (later)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 27 October 2003 14:47 (twenty-two years ago)

It would be weird to workout to a tape loop of George W . Bush saying a phrases while firing a shotgun at a stump with a picture of Barney.
-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), February 28th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 16:02 (twenty-two years ago)

yeh i bet they insist on brushing their teeth while wearing tennis skirts as well.
*smashes plate over head cartoon style*

-- stevem (bluesk...), October 27th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

?
-- charltonlido (charltonlid...), October 27th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I just wanted to note that I've been regularly losing my shit over Ally & Millar's email addresses but that it seems a weird thing to post and the ilx magic abbreviates them anyway.

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Stop doing that, btw, you're creeping me out again. ;-)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

It is good to acknowledge them here, though, Teeny. They are both being wondrous on that front.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I hear geology rocks, but I dig archeology.
-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), October 27th, 2003. (Horace Mann) (later)

― kate (kate), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

oh my god, that's horrible.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks guys! Seriously though, my email is not half as funny as that question mark Gareth posted, mainly cos I am just imagining him making his raised eyebrow face and that is replacing the question mark in my head and it's FUCKING HYSTERICAL.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 16:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Heh. The Gareth look of confusion/bemusement is something to which we should all aspire.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Horace is so obviously a stand-up comedian sometimes. I love it.

(ha ha now whenever I see a question mark I'm gonna imagine gareth's raised eyebrow as ending every sentence ever from now on, and that is a beautiful thing)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I only wish he'd been there for the "hey Mike Daddino, do you ever go shooting dice in an alley?" the other weekend which had an entire table full of people doing exactly that.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:56 (twenty-two years ago)

look i may not have been to New York but i know full well that shooting dice in the alley is the #1 pastime over there

but brushing your teeth while wearing a tennis skirt is HOT, that's the main thing

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:57 (twenty-two years ago)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

by 'your' i didn't mean Matt DC

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

skirting your teeth with a tennis racket while dicing shots with Ally - c/d?

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I will not defend that post (the rock one)

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:00 (twenty-two years ago)

(I thought it was funny!)

― kate (kate), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:01 (twenty-two years ago)

stevem: CLASSIC

― TOMBOT, Monday, 27 October 2003 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

this thread is pet sounds.
-- gygax! (gygax0...), October 27th, 2003 10:44 AM.

― Priscilla Beaulieu Magnatech (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

!!! how can you tell if it is classic when it makes no sense, Tom???

(note to nza, do you see three Gareths???)

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 17:03 (twenty-two years ago)

If you need to have more stuff with you than you can carry in your pockets, you are not a real man. On my person at all times: wallet, keys, cellphone. What else would I possibly need? What would necessitate a purse?

-- NA (emmaa...), October 27th, 2003 12:02 PM. (Nick A.) (link)

If you need a man-purse, why not just go all the way and carry a baby to term in your uterus?

-- NA (emmaa...), October 27th, 2003 12:03 PM. (Nick A.) (link)

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

DALE BEAT ME TO IT DAMN

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, I was skimming and I just read "C/D" and "with Ally", sorry about that.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 27 October 2003 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

i AM making perfect sense Allyzayafhakdfasd

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:07 (twenty-two years ago)

skirting your teeth with a tennis racket while dicing shots with Ally - c/d?

http://bitchcakes.topcities.com/garethfap/phoneconfusion.jpg

xpost: Now everyone is going to throw up! Serves them right for that disgusting thing Tracer said on the weird sex ideas thread. You're so cute.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 17:07 (twenty-two years ago)

"A few weeks ago I got Invisible Cities and Cosmicomics by Italo Calvino and Labyrinths by Borges at a yard sale for 25 cents each.

-- NA (emmaa...), October 27th, 2003 8:33 AM.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

That is possibly the most ILX post ever made!

-- kate (masonicboo...), October 27th, 2003 8:34 AM.
"

― A Nairn (moretap), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, I am the uber-ILX.

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

i love that pic of gareth

"ooh what's that? phurn? what's a phurn? this city has everything!"

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"ooh what's that? phurn? what's a phurn? this city has everything!"

http://bitchcakes.topcities.com/garethfap/phoneconfusion.jpg

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:21 (twenty-two years ago)

This won't stop being funny for a while yet...

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:22 (twenty-two years ago)

it really needs to be in a speech bubble as part of the photo

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:24 (twenty-two years ago)

i feel mean now. i mean, after everything gareth has done for me this how i repay him :(

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I like that all the American murses are gigantic though, like they know that men don't carry wussy shit like chapstick and tampons and need to go wholehog carrying around like days worth of changes of clothes and whole BOXES of condoms and there's even a side cooler compartment for beer & meat.
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), October 27th, 2003 9:10 AM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:31 (twenty-two years ago)

(I think it's the 'BOXES of condoms' that gets me... like yo, I'm so much man, I need a whole damned box, cause just one of these bitches ain't enough to contain

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:32 (twenty-two years ago)

(I think it's the 'BOXES of condoms' that gets me... like yo, I'm so much man, I need a whole damned box, cause just one of these bitches ain't enough to contain MY UBER SPERM!!!!! Plus, I get laid a lot).

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:32 (twenty-two years ago)

hmmm, maybe that's also where the garbage bags can come in.

they don't call 'em "Hefty" for nuthin', ya know!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I also like a nice aubergine lasagne. The secret is making sure the purple skin stays firm, whilst the flesh is yeilding revealing eventually a wonderfully creamy white sauce filling your mouth with joy.
-- Pete

It's like Dan never needed to post, really.
-- Ned Raggett

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

i feel mean now. i mean, after everything gareth has done for me this how i repay him :(

http://www.geocities.com/wintermute_v031/chow.txt

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 17:49 (twenty-two years ago)

the one person i knew who had raver pants had a 5 " cock so again, that assertion has been disproven
-- Vic (Iodine99...), October 27th, 2003 1:09 PM. (Vic)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5" WHEN ERECT i might add
-- Vic (Iodine99...), October 27th, 2003 1:09 PM. (Vic)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WTF Vic, did you stand there with a ruler and wait for it? Maybe he was nervous, what with you standing there screaming "HURRY UP! HURRY UP! IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO!" the entire time.
-- Allyzay (wt...), October 27th, 2003 1:12 PM.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:16 (twenty-two years ago)

yes! another thing is when i try to laugh since they're saying stuff like "oh thats right, c'mon like a good boy, suck that cock" etc etc again and again ..but then i can't laugh because there's a wong in my mouth!! i don't NEED the verbal instructions, i don't think i'd FORGET what to do when your penis is in my mouth THANK YOU VERY MUCH! but of course before Casuistry chimes in, i know, i know - some people really get off on saying all that... to me its ok if its occassional, but if they keep saying it non-stop it becomes really distracting, and kind of hilarious. i'm not using your dick to brush my teeth i KNOW what i'm supposed to be doing with it!!
btw, oh venerable teahcers, what is a fagtog?

-- Vic (Iodine99...), October 27th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 19:04 (twenty-two years ago)

because Americans suck, yo! and they need to be put in their place by a truly manly culture like Canada.
-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), October 27th, 2003 8:58 AM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes spank me you saucy hoser.
-- NA (emmaa...), October 27th, 2003 8:59 AM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

On the Ned Raggett's album thread:

Fuck remixes. I'm totally going to cover this album.
-- NA (emmaa...), October 27th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

with what?
ahahahahaha....

-- stevem (bluesk...), October 27th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Blood and semen.
ahhahahahahahah!

-- NA (emmaa...), October 27th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Would have been a crime to break this up, so from the man-purses thread...:

On the other side of that, have you ever been specifically ASKED to say that shit? One guy said 'Oh say this..." and I was like wtf, am I supposed to be reading from a script now? Are we shooting Deep Throat 3: Lost in Los Angeles? 'Cause if so, I want a better looking leading man, and someone with a bigger wang than fucking Mr. Tonka Toy here.
-- luna (luna_cee...) (webmail), October 27th, 2003. (later)

Well, depending on how small. But it's also about the logistics of the... oh, never mind.
-- Casuistry (chri...) (webmail), October 27th, 2003. (later)

On the other side of that, have you ever been specifically ASKED to say that shit?

You know I never
I never seen you look so good
You never act the way you should
But I like it
And I know you like it too
The way that I want you
I gotta have you
Oh yes, I do
You know I never
I never ever stay out late
You know that I can hardly wait
Just to see you
And I know you cannot wait
Wait to see me too
I gotta touch you
Chorus:
Cause baby we'll be
At the drive - in
In the old man's Ford
Behind the bushes
Till I'm screamin' for more
Down the basement
Lock the cellar door
And baby
Talk dirty to me
You know I call you
I call you on the telephone
I'm only hoping that you're home
So I can hear you
When you say those words to me
And whisper so softly
I gotta hear you
Chorus
C. C. pick up that guitar and talk to me
Solo, Chorus out

-- Kingfish (jdsalmo...) (webmail), October 27th, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 27 October 2003 19:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Vic, I am increasingly worried that your sex life is actually a videogame.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 27th, 2003. (Dan Perry) (later)

― Nicolars (Nicole), Monday, 27 October 2003 20:03 (twenty-two years ago)

and sometimes, when I think I want to have sex, I really just want to be accepted.
-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), October 27th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

true, Horace.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), October 27th, 2003.

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or hugged
-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), October 27th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

or pancakes.
-- bnw (rilke...), October 27th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 21:01 (twenty-two years ago)

256. Ally, could you please post the brunch details as soon as possible. Thanks.

-- felicity (felicityredwel...), October 27th, 2003 12:00 AM. (felicity)

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 27 October 2003 21:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I am now clothed entirely in man-purses. I have one on each foot, one on each hand, one tied around my waist as a sort of loincloth, and one perched on my head like a jaunty hat.
-- NA (emmaa...), October 27th, 2003 4:54 PM. (Nick A.)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 21:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Halloween? Find that fat friend of yours and borrow a pair of jeans and a flannel. Buy a $3 afro wig and but a ballcap over it, by a 40oz, and VOILA! your B-Real from Cypress Hill. (Button the top flannel button.)
-- Helltime Producto (jostababy197...), October 26th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 22:04 (twenty-two years ago)

when I'm not posting anything and am really bored, assume I'm thinking 'enrique is a dick'.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), October 27th, 2003. (later)

when I'm not posting anything and am really bored, assume I'm thinking 'do Corn Puffs go with lager?'.
-- adaml (formerlynordicskill...), October 27th, 2003. (later)

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 27 October 2003 22:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Bryan, how many gloryhole p0rrnos have you seen?
-- Casuistry (chri...), October 27th, 2003.

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A good many, Chris. They're like puppet shows you can beat off to.
-- Bryan (twp62y...), October 27th, 2003

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 27 October 2003 22:53 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread post-Houellebecqian.
-- Mary (maj23...), October 27th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 01:24 (twenty-two years ago)

From the "misspelling words" thread:

Nesse... nescesar... neccesary FUCK! See?
-- Trayce (trayc...) (webmail), October 28th, 2003. (later)

Oh and I love how often people mistype "account" as "acocunt".
-- Trayce (trayc...) (webmail), October 28th, 2003. (later)

My boss has a friend named Cynthia, whose name I invariably always type as "Cunthia".
She is one, too.

-- luna (luna_cee...) (webmail), October 28th, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 01:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Obv I am admitting that I have accidentally fisted someone in the ass and that I also have a baby carrot for a wang!! That's what everybody else does on the internet!!
-- TOMBOT (dorkpant...), October 28th, 2003 5:51 PM. (later)

― the surface noise (electricsound), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 01:54 (twenty-two years ago)

my parents asked me to mow the lawn after i'd been out raving all night, i cried but i had to do it anyway.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), October 27th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Charles Nelson Reilly
1600 Pennsylvania Ave
Washington, DC 20502
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), October 27th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Okay now I'm imagining some dude coming in my mouth except these .5mm pieces of lead are shooting into my cheeks and they STING.
-- Sterling Clover (s_clove...), October 28th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Man, out of context that sounds pretty damn weird :D

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I ph34r the implications of its sounding less weird IN context

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:59 (twenty-two years ago)

http://images.usatoday.com/life/_photos/2002/10-07-cat-inside.jpg

I'll swallow your SOUL.

-- Kingfish

― Prude (Prude), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I was a really cute Pippi Longstocking when I was about ten. My mom made me a red yarn wig and put heavy wire in the braids so they stuck straight out and kept poking people in the eyes at my Halloween party. And I had a green corduroy jumper with patches all over and red and white striped stockings.
-- kirsten (KM...), October 27th, 2003 10:51 AM. (kirsten)

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Yeah, same here. Except I got beaten up for wearing my Pippi costume. :(
-- Curt1s Stephens (sevenxvii...), October 28th, 2003 2:05 PM. (Curtis Stephens)

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 03:06 (twenty-two years ago)

That is not your life's calling! Your life's calling is to get banned from the UN, and you did it in 1998! Don't you remember your infamous address to the assembled body entitled, "The Search for Weapons of Mass Destruction....IN MY ASS!"?
You made the Ambassador from Luxemborg spill his tea!

-- Kingfish (jdsalmo...), October 27th, 2003.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 04:18 (twenty-two years ago)

This whole thread screams for a numetal soundtrack

― brian nemtusak (sanlazaro), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 04:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I am not engaged to Patrick Swayze, goddamnit.
-- Allyzay (marrie...), October 28th, 2003.

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Why not? When are you going to have his baby?
-- Nicolars (nicolew1...), October 28th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 04:35 (twenty-two years ago)

i am SO gonna bring an old cabbage patch doll with a mullet-wig to the geeta-fest ... and it shall be dubbed "the patrick swayze baby!"
-- Eisbär (llamasfu...), October 28th, 2003.

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and a fez ... the patrick swayze baby shall sport a mullet and a fez!
-- Eisbär (llamasfu...), October 28th, 2003.

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Okay I'm just wondering what kind of lawyer has an old cabbage patch doll and a mullet wig and a fez lying around handy. That shit doesn't make any damn sense at all.
-- TOMBOT (weir...), October 28th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 04:50 (twenty-two years ago)

the kind of lawyer that posts to ILE. duh.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 04:52 (twenty-two years ago)

returning the favor ...

Yes, Jess. You should put a rabbit on your head and discuss it with people. This will make you transcend humanity as a whole and become one with the Buddha. But only after you attach yourself to Aaron W's ass, ask Yancey.
-- Allyzay (fashio...), October 28th, 2003.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 04:53 (twenty-two years ago)

God, you Chicago fans are RETARDED, what the HELL.
-- TOMBOT (simpl...), October 28th, 2003.

― brian nemtusak (sanlazaro), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 04:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Victorian porn: She had a white fur tippet about her neck and made no fussy objections when Emil fingered it admiringly.
-- Mary (maj23...), October 28th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 04:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Medicine goes too far when it kills people. Medicine also goes to far when it tastes horrible.
-- Pete (pb1...), July 18th, 2001.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 05:13 (twenty-two years ago)

someone told me there are still pubs in Freo were theres no wimmin allowed and the trough is right there, at the foot of the bar.
now thats how it should be!

-- gaz (tinydemon...), October 28th, 2003 3:59 PM. (gaz)

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erm gaz i think that's an ashtray.
-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), October 28th, 2003 4:00 PM. (electricsound)

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 05:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Victorian porn: She had a white fur tippet about her neck and made no fussy objections when Emil fingered it admiringly.
-- Mary (maj23...) (webmail), October 28th, 2003. (Mary)

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 05:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Seriously, they just remove the very top layer. It's like exfoliation, but for rabbits. Trust me! You should buy the tippet.

-- Allyzay (scienc...), October 28th, 2003. (later)

― Mary (Mary), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 05:45 (twenty-two years ago)

If you eat a bologna and Miracle Whip sandwich on a chocolate bagel, your foreskin will grow back.
Even if you're a girl.

-- Tep (te...), October 28th, 2003 8:49 PM. (later)

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haha what about ham and butter on a bagel?
-- tokyo rosemary (rosemarygilber...), October 28th, 2003 9:00 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You turn into Pat Boone!
-- Tep (te...), October 28th, 2003 9:01 PM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 05:50 (twenty-two years ago)

*does that missing-pussy secret handshake with Tom*
-- Mark C (boyincorduro...), October 27th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:44 (twenty-two years ago)

My Mum was at a Crazy World of Arthur Brown concert when she was at college. After the gig she was in the toilet when who should walk in but Arthur Brown himself. His chatup line "I am the god of hellfire, and I give you, my dick" did not work on my mum who promptly kicked him in the nuts and walked out.

-- Matt (Mat...), October 28th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:07 (twenty-two years ago)

WHY ARE THE BINDINGS SO SHIT ON VINTAGE CLASSICS? I CAN BARELY READ ONE WITHOUT PAGES FALLING OUT AS A RESULT OF THEIR UNBENDING SPINES. SORT IT OUT YOU BASTARDS.

There. Also there are far too many typos, and the paper is a bit rough. I'm initiating a one-man boycott.

-- Enrique (miltonpinsk...), October 28th, 2003.

Answers
Hi. I'm the editor of Vintage Classics and I'd like to fucking offer you outside, son. Let's settle this man to man, or man to pussy in your case.

-- Mark C (boyincorduro...), October 28th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

If people realized how lame hanging out with drama students is, they would never want to latch onto celebrities.

-- dleone (d_leon...), October 28th, 2003.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:24 (twenty-two years ago)

DEJA VU

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:35 (twenty-two years ago)

"Front bottom" is a horrible term, I mean "bottom" is a bad enough term, it sounds like you should have "toot toot toot" cockney music going on and you should couple it with "guv'nor".

-- Allyzay (arrg...), October 28th, 2003. (later)

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:44 (twenty-two years ago)

If I don't carry the murse, where the hell else am I gonna put all my masculine hygene products?
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), October 28th, 2003 2:31 PM. (nickalicious) (later)

Have you considered the ass?
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 28th, 2003 2:34 PM. (Dan Perry) (later)

but the ass can only hold so much shit, and the Patent Office rejected my claim for the "Magical Kingfish Ass Shelf", so we're no longer going into production on those...
-- Kingfish (jdsalmo...), October 28th, 2003 2:46 PM. (Kingfish) (later)

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:59 (twenty-two years ago)

finally, something really funny.

― Skottie, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:01 (twenty-two years ago)

It seems all I have to do is say "pussy" and Ally laughs! I bet she'd wet herself if she heard me saying it in my punchable poshboy British accent.

― Mark C (Mark C), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:03 (twenty-two years ago)

You'd be too busy saying front bottom Mark!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:04 (twenty-two years ago)

if i don't have anything interesting to say, then, well, i don't say anything ...
-- doom-e (coolkidofdeat...), October 28th, 2003 4:23 PM. (later)

― Mark C (Mark C), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:12 (twenty-two years ago)

BWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

OMIGOD, HOW DID I MISS THAT?!?!?

― kate (kate), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:13 (twenty-two years ago)

finally, something really funny.
-- Skottie

http://www.osric.com/~jeremy/hooray.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:16 (twenty-two years ago)

To echo Kate, Mark C wins here, several million times over.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:18 (twenty-two years ago)

AMIL ?

-- Fuzzy (magica...), October 28th, 2003.

American Manwich in London

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 28th, 2003.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:22 (twenty-two years ago)

ha ha embilbo embiggens
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), October 28th, 2003 12:00 AM. (later)

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― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 19:26 (twenty-two years ago)

"That stupid shitbag is a PANSY-ASS."

-- Sarah MCLUsky (x77tigersxu...), October 28th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 20:05 (twenty-two years ago)

His bone hole by the back door is completely empty now... but DAMN, does he look like a MONKEY!
-- Ann Sterzinger (asterzinge...) (webmail), October 28th, 2003 2:25 PM. (Ann Sterzinger) (later) (link)

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I read that last post without remembering the context and it was fucking surreal.
-- NA (emmaa...) (webmail), October 28th, 2003 2:34 PM. (Nick A.) (later) (link)

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 20:43 (twenty-two years ago)

This is even more annoying when there is no proverb which mentions the thing they're talking about like "women's proverbial ability to do more than one thing at once" What proverb it that? huh?
-- isadora (issadora9...), October 28th, 2003 3:53 PM. (isadora)

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That post is like the proverbial egg in the suitcase.
-- NA (emmaa...), October 28th, 2003 3:54 PM. (Nick A.)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 21:15 (twenty-two years ago)

In my office, everyone uses me for the yellow pages. How come noone else has a phonebook in an office of 50+ people?

-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), October 28th, 2003. (coco) (later)

OMG Sarah do you "let their fingers do the walking"????

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 28th, 2003. (Dan Perry) (later)

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 21:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Donal Logue be fuckin' some titties.
-- NA (emmaa...), October 28th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 21:43 (twenty-two years ago)

From the "Please stop using "ass" as a suffix" thread:

My favorite Bible story is the one where Jesus rides into Jerusalem on his nutz.
-- Tep (te...), October 28th, 2003 5:43 AM. (ktepi)

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 23:36 (twenty-two years ago)

So, to sum up:
There are only two great cities in this land of ours.

Melbourne is home to all that is beautiful and intelligent. Its village-like suburbs are filled with gingerbread houses and candyfloss trees. The city itself is a marvel of low-rise jade cathedrals surrounding a crystal fountain that the ruling magikal lords have deigned should flow free with silver coins for any of the denizens to dip their cups into.
And the people! High cheekboned and sensual, Melbournites are closer in spirit to the people of faerie than any other in the land. Such names they have! Electric Sound, Trayce, Lord Andrew and, er, Fred. Their laughter is like the tinkling of silver bells, delighting the ear as one strolls past the art houses and wine-serving coffeshops they love to meet at.

Sydney, on the other hand, is a turmoil of lust, greed, decadence and decay. The streets - either massive, choked, ironically named Freeways, or dark, narrow, dangerous alleys – are overrun with huge rats, mutating packs of vicious dogs, and sleek limousines in which property developers glide, looking for junkie hookers to murder. The buildings tower overhead, in a retards imitation of New York, their broken windows revealing a population of zombie-workers.
The people, best characterised by the two-headed monstrosity colgaz, are fearsome throwbacks only interested in their own tawdry satisfaction. Badly educated and brain damaged colgaz lurks on the very edges of what might be called the inhabitable, dragging soiled goods from the slimy, scuttling, vermin infested garbage dumbs to furnish their maggot-ridden asbestos dwellings.

Sydney has better bands though.

-- gaz (tinydemon...), October 28th, 2003 9:18 AM. (gaz)

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 01:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Say, has anyone ever put one of their own posts into this thread?

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 02:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 02:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Say, has anyone ever put one of their own posts into this thread?
-- colin s barrow (colinsbarro...), October 29th, 2003 9:25 PM. (colin s barrow) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes.
-- Curt1s Stephens (sevenxvii...), October 29th, 2003 9:33 PM. (Curtis Stephens) (later)

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 02:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I think we all would get tired of doing that after every single one of our hilariously brilliant posts, no?

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 02:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I suppose butts that are hand-crafted in small batches are the way forward.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 29th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 04:41 (twenty-two years ago)

loverboy would win by their current associations (the ass-cover thread, that chris farley chippendales skit) but my heart belongs to a-ha in the end. but how would either fare against the juggernaut of Wangchung?
-- Felcher (wangchungvsah...), October 21st, 2003.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 07:38 (twenty-two years ago)

That's why they're so bitter - it's disgusting. They wouldn't need to put so much damn milk and sugar and carmel and chocolate and etc etc etc into their drinks if they'd get some decent beans.
-- Ally (garance8...), July 12th, 2001.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're just too tarty already. Thats why YOU need caramel.
-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), July 12th, 2001.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

brassica yr last squirrel wz full of crack, they are equally dud
-- mark s (mar...) (webmail), October 29th, 2003 3:32 PM. (mark s) (later) (link)

― David. (Cozen), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 14:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually Tracer, on inspiration from this thread, I'm gonna tuck flannel shirts into 80s b-ball shorts and wear a belt with a big fat buckle. I am all that is STYLE.

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), October 29th, 2003.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 14:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I once wrote a nasty letter to my wife's college roommates that started out with "I used to think you were two nice, friendly, intelligent Harvard women
with a lot to offer but as time has gone on I have come to realize that you are in fact a couple of stank, nasty bitches who deserve to be drowned in the
Charles River like a couple of unwanted, mangy and diseased puppies" and then went on to get really mean.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 29th, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Chris you can totally come stay with us if we rent Torre's nostrils.

-- Allyzay (housemat...), October 29th, 2003. (later)

I totally would. "Sorry wife, Im taking up residence in a 55 year old italians nasal cavity."

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), October 29th, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

"A small thermonuclear explosion occurred in the mid-town area today; sole survivor Allyzay reported merely that 'it was for their own good' and then rode a chickenbear into the sunset."
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 29th, 2003.

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said people reviewer Ned Raggett of the orange county reporter
-- charltonlido (charltonlid...), October 29th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 16:10 (twenty-two years ago)

why am I stuck in this shithole?
-- TOMBOT (workman...), October 29th, 2003 11:27 AM.

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not enough lube?
-- stevem (bluesk...), October 29th, 2003 11:27 AM. (blueski)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 16:38 (twenty-two years ago)

(I mean, clearly I have achieved some comfort level with my physical presence; I am not the iron man I would love to be but no amount of working out would give me my eyes, which have garnered me more compliments than any other part of my body. So all of the issues Jess is portraying onto his peer group's physical appearance, I am putting onto my personality, which I then sabotage by refusing to interact with anything seriously and FURTHER sabotage by rejecting all of the traditional things that people view as intelligence, ie the day you catch me posting like Nitsuh or Marcello is the day my current personality has completely shut down and someone should be sending a shrink to my house to help me deal with the breakdown.)

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 28th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(HAHAHAHA This is possibly the lamest "cry for help" ever! Sorry Jess.)

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 28th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i wish you would post "seriously" more dan, it's often really charming and impressive when you do.

-- amateurist (amateuris...), October 28th, 2003. (later) (link)

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also it gives us an excuse to send prank-shrinks round

-- mark s (mar...), October 28th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

(That actually cracked me up yesterday but I forgot to cut-and-paste it.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 18:37 (twenty-two years ago)

eridute is the best word
-- mark s (mar...), October 29th, 2003.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 19:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Then she'd say, 'what, that's all I am? A great ass? Gee, thanks, I'll call my parents later to tell them the money they spent on Columbia wa a waster after all, I could have just gone to ASS COLLEGE!"

-- luna (luna_cee_@), October 29th, 2003 1:19 AM

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 19:15 (twenty-two years ago)

London isn't British anymore. Truly English music now comes from the North, i.e. Manchester, Liverpool etc. Look up the word "Britpop" for a further explaination.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), October 29th, 2003 1:47 PM. (GeirHong)

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you are still norwegian.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), October 29th, 2003 2:02 PM. (RJG)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 19:38 (twenty-two years ago)

J: "OK, it says here that you're not going to be debating the fact that you were speeding, mr. dyson."

mr. D: "that's right, your honour."

J: "OK, what are you going to do?"

mr. D: "well, you see, your honour, it wasn't just me."

J: "I sentance you to death."

-- RJG (r_gillander...), October 29th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 20:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll never make it on to this thread again, and don't say it's not important, coz it is.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 20:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Had I known I was to end up as some side character in a modern-day Hogarthian morality tableau I would have avoided this FAP. In the end, a FAP always breaks your heart. Doesn't matter how brave you are, or how reserved, or how much you've developed a sense of humor, you still end up with a stupid photo of a teddy bear between your breasts at the end of the night.
-- felicity (felicityredwel...), October 29th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 20:28 (twenty-two years ago)

she says that like it's a bad thing...

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 20:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Had I known in college about the DelMonte sticker's ability to reduce women to gibbering wrecks, I would have been one banana-dicked ho.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 29th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 21:22 (twenty-two years ago)

WHY ARE THE BINDINGS SO SHIT ON VINTAGE CLASSICS? I CAN BARELY READ ONE WITHOUT PAGES FALLING OUT AS A RESULT OF THEIR UNBENDING SPINES. SORT IT OUT YOU BASTARDS.

There. Also there are far too many typos, and the paper is a bit rough. I'm initiating a one-man boycott.

-- Enrique (miltonpinsk...) (webmail), October 28th, 2003. (later)

Hi. I'm the editor of Vintage Classics and I'd like to fucking offer you outside, son. Let's settle this man to man, or man to pussy in your case.

(what's a vintage classic, other than a tautology?)

-- Mark C (boyincorduro...) (webmail), October 28th, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 21:29 (twenty-two years ago)

That is at least the 4th time someone has posted something that is already on the thread.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 21:32 (twenty-two years ago)

but i laughed first, me!

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 21:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Just proves it WAS funny, see?

If this is already up, sue me. (You won't get shit, but you could try):

That's too bad; I was hoping you'd just walk into whatever room they were in and start screaming "DUDE WHAT THE FUCK?????? WE AREN'T ON STAGE; GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!"

-- Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), October 29th, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 21:35 (twenty-two years ago)

EVERYONE SUE NICHOLE! YOU ARE GUARANTEED TO GET SOMETHING THAT IS NOT SHIT!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 21:44 (twenty-two years ago)

EVERYONE SUE NICHOLE! YOU ARE GUARANTEED TO GET SOMETHING THAT IS NOT SHIT!
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 29th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 21:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan, your eyes have gone to hell. I repeat: You WON'T get shit!

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 21:54 (twenty-two years ago)

PAYDAY HERE I COME

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 21:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I fail to see how you contradicted Dan.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 21:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I kind of wish I had a good archenemy, it would make life more interesting.
-- Nicolars (nicolew1...), October 29th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What about N.?
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 29th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She did say 'good.'
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 29th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, right.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 29th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Still, though, Nicolars has us. We could sing that revamped cover of "When Doves Cry" again.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 29th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You'll miss your eyeballs when they're plucked out of your head.
-- Nicolars (nicolew1...), October 29th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 21:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll restate, Ally: "Sue me, you sad bastards, and you'll know what poverty feels like."

Better yet, sue Dan. He's got treasures worth grubbing after. (He IS the original Banana Pimp.)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 22:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Seriously, you all made up that name for Jason Lee and Shannon Sossamyn's babies, right? Because if you did you should tell me now before I seriously name some poor kid "Pikachu Gundam Science Explosion" because I'm really enjoying saying that and would feel foolish if my decision was based off a ruse.
-- Allyzay (pikachugunda...), October 29th, 2003.

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Ally! It's true! http://earthlink.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,12647,00.html
-- jel -- (freeduni...), October 29th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

:D
Well that settles it.

-- Allyzay (pikachugunda...), October 29th, 2003.

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P. G. S. E. Millar, Esq.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 29th, 2003.

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YOU CAN CALL THE CHILD "PIGSY" AS A NICKNAME! WOW!
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 29th, 2003.

― ALLYBOY, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 22:27 (twenty-two years ago)

i feel your pain, jel.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 22:31 (twenty-two years ago)

You may rememember Spencer from various episodes of "General Hospital."
-- nabiscothing (--...), October 29th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

that makes me laugh, now, because I thought 'remy member' like a french porn actor.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 22:48 (twenty-two years ago)

That also describes Spencer Chow.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Post # 1 in the "Misread Thread Connections" thread:

Reese Witherspoon FAP NYC 10/23-10/27? (317 new answers, 576 total)
Spencer Chow gives birth! (92 new answers)

-- donut bitch (do...) (webmail), October 29th, 2003 5:27 PM. (donut) (link)

This made me spastic with laughter.

― Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Thursday, 30 October 2003 03:42 (twenty-two years ago)

anyway, i dont care about sex anymore because my mom invited her new boyfriend over and i think i just heard them doing it urgh arrgh

-- mohammed abba (dubplatestyl...), October 28th, 2003 10:36 PM. (dubplatestyle) (later) (link)

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 30 October 2003 04:00 (twenty-two years ago)

ha, I thought that said "Uri Geller blog"!
-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), October 29th, 2003. (jaymc) (later)

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he blogs straight into yr mind
-- mark s (mar...), October 29th, 2003. (mark s) (later)

― kate (kate), Thursday, 30 October 2003 10:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Belle and Sebastian are funnier than The Darkness.
-- Dom Passantino (lifetimepilingu...), October 28th, 2003.

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Yes, but the Darkness are more intelligent than Belle and Sebastian.
-- Tico Tico (ticoticoil...), October 28th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also, Belle and Sebastian suck diseased ass.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 28th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 30 October 2003 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

This is what I've been trying to express: Tom is totally right to ask for that c90, it is the Right Thing To Do, but because of the stigma attaching to metal
(which will outlast the darkness) i don't think everyone will be so well behaved. Ned's right they/I probably wd enjoy it, but... what can you do? It's a
shallow world. I get pissed off that Tarantino fans don't know their Godard.

-- Enrique (miltonpinsk...), October 30th, 2003. (later)

I get pissed off that Tarantino fans don't know their Godard.

Did most of that neverending thread just fall out of your head or something?

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 30th, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 October 2003 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.base58.com/ilx/nyky.jpg

― Allyzay, Thursday, 30 October 2003 17:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Goddammit yes. Joke of the year.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 October 2003 17:18 (twenty-two years ago)

please please please let my mom google this thread!!!

― Allyzay, Thursday, 30 October 2003 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

blast i should've done haemorrhoid cream!

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 30 October 2003 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Did NYILx just get a job lot of spectacles?

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 30 October 2003 17:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Glasses are the way forward.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 October 2003 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

overspexed, overpaid and over there

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 30 October 2003 17:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Remind me to get contacts.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 30 October 2003 18:00 (twenty-two years ago)

glasses are hot

(you def. have to get them now)

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 30 October 2003 18:02 (twenty-two years ago)

You're the type of man who has that weird librarian fetish, aren't you?

― Allyzay, Thursday, 30 October 2003 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Did someone call?

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 30 October 2003 18:23 (twenty-two years ago)

No, but still you came.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 30 October 2003 18:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Eek! I'm a librarian!

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 30 October 2003 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Hide from Mark C, Jel!

― Nicolars (Nicole), Thursday, 30 October 2003 18:27 (twenty-two years ago)

maybe, as I'm not qualified yet, I'll be okay?

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 30 October 2003 18:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Posts like this:

Jel, it doesn't hurt if you relax.

-- Mark C (boyincorduro...), October 30th, 2003. (Mark C) (later)

suggest otherwise...

― Nicolars (Nicole), Thursday, 30 October 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Mark C waaaaaaaaaants it thaaaaaaaat way.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 October 2003 18:31 (twenty-two years ago)

glasses are still hot.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 30 October 2003 18:40 (twenty-two years ago)

All of the ilx-men are gay evil clowns.
-- Nicolars (nicolew1...), October 30th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 30 October 2003 18:42 (twenty-two years ago)

No enemies, but I have a crazy archnemesis. He's some nut job who accused me of stealing not only the "orbe of life",and his magical "teracus", but that also I was given the power of eternal life after he failed to complete a task asked by the fates. I belive someone has stopped taking thier meds and has been watching "Heavy metal" just a little to often. I call him Lord Valdar. I once saw him going off on the same rant with some lady on the street. I excused my self from my friend, and yelled out into the street(while drawing imaginary sword) "lord Valdar!" that got his attention, "You fight is with me!". LV ran the opposite direction and I haven't seen him since.

-- danielle g. (sunwaptaga...), October 30th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 October 2003 19:05 (twenty-two years ago)

DB's "Pirate Classics" thread. As a running gag, it's grrrrrrrrrand!

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 30 October 2003 20:04 (twenty-two years ago)

From the ILM Nigel Godrich thread:

Get over the oral fixation and womb nostalgia
-- dave q (scrape10...) (webmail), October 30th, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 30 October 2003 20:36 (twenty-two years ago)

On the thread about meeting your 12 year old self:

They would probably be like, "Woah, I'm fat." Then I would say to my 12-year-old self "Quit being such a whiny dorky dork. Start taking piano lessons. Be nicer to your parents. Your life is pretty damn good, so quit being so self-absorbed and pathetic. Don't be so scared of girls." And then my 12-year-old self would be like "Hey, at least I'm not fat like you." Then I would sit on my 12-year-old self and give myself noogies and Indian burns.
-- NA (emmaa...), October 30th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 30 October 2003 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

me now: goddammit kid, read, i'm a fuckin moron up here.
me then: *sigh*
me now: no seriously, try to get into princeton or something.
me then: i think rem and tom petty are cool.
me now: *sigh*
-- g--ff c-nn-n (misterhungr...), October 30th, 2003.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 30 October 2003 21:23 (twenty-two years ago)

*walking through my house*
12-year-old me: You still live here?
now me: No. I moved out for 7 years then bought the house off our parents.
12-year-old me: So basically you're telling me I'm going nowhere in life.
now me: NO! We've got equity now?
12-year-old me: Is that something to do with horses?
now me: Shut up for a second. Pay attention:
1) you will lose your virginity to your best friend at 19; don't wear a condom
2) after your child is born...
12-year-old me: I'VE GOT A KID!?! FUCK THAT!!!!
now me: ...dude, chill! Anyway...
3) you will have an opportunity to buy a synthesizer for cheap; don't. it's all downhill from there.

(long pause)
12-year-old me: So tell me this - precisely what year did I become stupid and insane?

-- nickalicious (nza2342...) (webmail), October 30th, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 30 October 2003 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Is it wrong to say that here and here I've been crying with laughter at ddrake, but not for the reasons he would want?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 October 2003 22:31 (twenty-two years ago)

He is the most obtuse feller to hit ilm since Geir.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Thursday, 30 October 2003 22:32 (twenty-two years ago)

If I laughed, that would be wrong. But the guy was begging for it.

Anyway, from the "Pulling Punches With DM" ILM thread:

I'll tell you this much -- there was a dude in line in front of me at the cafeteria in this big Sony building here in L.A. with a Dave Gahan tour t-shirt on, that said -- I swear to God --
"GIRLS GAHAN WILD!"

-- across the front in enormous letters. On the back were the tour dates, including his stop at Jimmy Kimmel Live.

-- Ben Boyer (fiestasandsiesta...) (webmail), October 30th, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Friday, 31 October 2003 00:21 (twenty-two years ago)

From a viewer comment:
Each in their unique way allows the audience to look at love in different variations - silent love, body-language love, parental love; foolish love; puppy love, a love fling; friendship, companionship, forgiving love, infatuation, et. al. It's, in reality, just the sort of movie the world needs right now.

Aw. Kill them.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 31st, 2003 3:11 PM. (Ned)

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I suspect you're not a sucker for romcoms like I am then are you Ned?
-- s1utsky (parrisactava...), October 31st, 2003 3:12 PM. (slutsky)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not when they're described as Chicken Vomit for the Soul as above, no.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 31st, 2003 3:19 PM. (Ned)

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 31 October 2003 04:38 (twenty-two years ago)

you people.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Friday, 31 October 2003 04:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I didn't neccesarily agree with Ned, slutsky ;) I just had this horrible vision of someone bearing a bowl of chicken vomit, and Ned sick in bed pushing it away going "NO YUCK YOU MENTALIST I KILL YOU".

Maybe I need more sleep.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 31 October 2003 04:43 (twenty-two years ago)

This happens to Ned more frequently than you'd think.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Friday, 31 October 2003 04:45 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.wyb.com/gb-0012_Giant_vomit.gif

― the surface noise (electricsound), Friday, 31 October 2003 04:46 (twenty-two years ago)

This happens to Ned more frequently than you'd think.

I'm telling you, I need to stop opening the door to these people.

"We have DISEASE!"

"Begone!"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 31 October 2003 05:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Hooray for the Royal Mail adding "when will it arrive" excitement to our day!!!!
-- Pete (...), October 31st, 2003.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Friday, 31 October 2003 14:20 (twenty-two years ago)

aloof "starving artist" persona
how do I get this?

-- A Nairn (moreta...), January 23rd, 2003.

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a) become an artist
b) starve

-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...), January 23rd, 2003.

slightly later in the same thread

I eat nothing besides ice cream and pizza and I can't bulk up to a 28 for anything
-- dave q (scrape10...), January 23rd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

maybe you drop the coke habit
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), January 23rd, 2003.

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Sounds way boring.
-- Kris (branch_ricke...), January 23rd, 2003.

― Allyzay, Friday, 31 October 2003 14:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Burgerpipe - The Burger Of The Future Is Here Now!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 31 October 2003 14:35 (twenty-two years ago)

actually i am now amusing myself with the thought of jack skellington with a strokes haircut
-- strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyl...), October 31st, 2003 9:37 AM. (dubplatestyle)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 31 October 2003 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

it's hard to explain

― strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Friday, 31 October 2003 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)

(i'll get me coat)

― strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Friday, 31 October 2003 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Who are you, Horace Mann??!

― Allyzay, Friday, 31 October 2003 14:47 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.osric.com/~jeremy/capwank.jpg

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 31 October 2003 14:53 (twenty-two years ago)

my gayness is only brought out when i need to slap momus with it
-- strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyl...), October 31st, 2003.

― Allyzay, Friday, 31 October 2003 14:54 (twenty-two years ago)

"slapping Momus", hehe

― Mark C (Mark C), Friday, 31 October 2003 15:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I wish I looked like I do just after sex all the time. Only not naked. Er. Actually what I wish is not to have started this paragraph at all.

-- Archel (rp3...), October 31st, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 31 October 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

people who you've never talked to are the stupidest crushes.
people who you've spoken to briefly - i.e. "that will be $1.75 please." - are even stupider.

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyl...), October 31st, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"ah, she pours coffee so well. we should start looking at preschools."
-- strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyl...), October 31st, 2003.

― Allyzay, Friday, 31 October 2003 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Ants have the biggest brains relative to body size of any creature. Anthills are probably anternet-ready supercomputers overrun with trillions upon trillions of "U R all termitez" posts.
-- Mark C (boyincorduro...), October 31st, 2003 12:39 PM. (Mark C)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 31 October 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

*ring ring*
CALLER: Hello, Edwin?
CHUD: PLEASE WHEN COME BACK BRING PIE.

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), October 31st, 2003 12:00 AM. (later)

― NA (Nick A.), Friday, 31 October 2003 19:07 (twenty-two years ago)

That comma is practically on its knees servicing the colon.
-- Casuistry (chri...), October 31st, 2003 2:59 PM. (Chris Piuma)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 31 October 2003 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Does that make any sense out of context? (It's from "Ask Ally".)

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 31 October 2003 20:01 (twenty-two years ago)

does it really need to? "colon servicing" is funny by itself.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 31 October 2003 20:04 (twenty-two years ago)

dang, Allyzay beat me to strongo's 'idiot crushes' post.

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Friday, 31 October 2003 20:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know how to post images, but the Frankenpenis on the uh, Uncle's Will thread has got me rolling on the floor in horrified tittering.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 31 October 2003 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Who are you, Horace Mann? = "Who are you, o person named Horace Mann who I am addressing?"
Who are you, Horace Mann? = "Who are you, are you Horace Mann of all people?"

-- Casuistry (chri...), October 31st, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Similarly, "What's New, Pussycat?" is meant to be parsed like "What's Burning, Meatloaf?"
-- Casuistry (chri...), October 31st, 2003.

― Allyzay, Friday, 31 October 2003 21:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Dear Alex,
What would your first reaction be if someone called you "broheems" in the middle of a conversation?

Sincerely, DJP

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 31st, 2003.

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Friday, 31 October 2003 21:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Any homeless person who calls me "my liege" gets cash.
-- Dan Perry

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 31 October 2003 22:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Ask Ally starts off utter shite but soon becomes super-gold

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 31 October 2003 22:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, it only costs $7000, but they pack like $12K worth of goofiness into it, so if you buy it, it's like getting 5 grand of goofiness for free as a bonus.
-- Helltime Producto (jostababy197...), November 1st, 2003 9:56 PM.

― Annouschka (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 1 November 2003 05:48 (twenty-two years ago)

slice of cucumber on the kitchen counter = ridiculously effective ant repellent

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), October 31st, 2003.
Yes, but you have FUCKING CUCUMBER on your KITCHEN COUNTER!

-- NA (emmaa...), October 31st, 2003.
FUCKING CUCUMBER

Dan is smiling somewhere.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 31st, 2003.

― todd swiss (eliti), Saturday, 1 November 2003 19:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Lara, I'll marry you.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), November 2nd, 2003 11:18 AM. (Nick Southall)

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But only if we do it right now.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), November 2nd, 2003 11:18 AM. (Nick Southall)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And have "Firestarter" as the first dance.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), November 2nd, 2003 11:19 AM. (Nick Southall)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I realise I'm spoiling my chance here.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), November 2nd, 2003 11:19 AM. (Nick Southall)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's fair to say I'm drunk.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), November 2nd, 2003 11:19 AM. (Nick Southall)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

― Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 2 November 2003 04:26 (twenty-one years ago)

also wherever tim said "i can't speak for jess": you know you can, brohemes.
-- strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyl...), November 2nd, 2003 11:51 PM. (later)

it's the brohemes that does it.

― the surface noise (electricsound), Sunday, 2 November 2003 07:56 (twenty-one years ago)

god i am so drunk, chief

― strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 2 November 2003 07:58 (twenty-one years ago)

right back atcha stretch

― the surface noise (electricsound), Sunday, 2 November 2003 07:59 (twenty-one years ago)

boooZ!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Sunday, 2 November 2003 08:49 (twenty-one years ago)

from the 'what's the most disturbing thing a roomate said to you?' thread:

"I think i can solve your affection problem.....just give me a day to form a mucas cocoon."
-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), November 2nd, 2003. (later)

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 2 November 2003 11:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't really like him, anyway, but I went to the cinema with my mum and dad on my mum's birthday, recently, and we went to see the 'mystic river' and my dad made reference to something l fishburne's character said/did and then we went home and there was a prog on about the matrixes and l fishburne was on it and my dad said "laurence fishburne! is that his name?" and I said "yes" and something else that made my dad realise that it was l fishburne he'd just been watching in the 'mystic river' and then my dad said something that made me realise that he hadn't realised that and, boy, we laughed. I guess l fishburne is OK, actually.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 3rd, 2003.

― Allyzay, Monday, 3 November 2003 04:41 (twenty-one years ago)

"Have I made an enemy?
-- ddrake

No. Three. But we're not your enemies. We LIKE you.
-- Ned Raggett

I'm confused. Who are my enemies.
-- ddrake

People with senses of humor.
-- Ned Raggett

Oh, so your list of favorite albums is a joke?
-- ddrake

I repeat the previous statement.
-- Ned Raggett "

― A Nairn (moretap), Monday, 3 November 2003 04:46 (twenty-one years ago)

And of course I'm black but that's beside the point.
-- Chris Ott

rimshot!
-- M Matos

― A Nairn (moretap), Monday, 3 November 2003 04:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I have a crush on leeny myself.
-- luna (luna_cee...), November 3rd, 2003. (luna.c)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"platonic"?
-- pavlov's #1 horndawg (don'temailmenicelad...), November 3rd, 2003. (Oops)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sure. If you think so.
-- luna (luna_cee...), November 3rd, 2003. (luna.c)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't.
-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), November 3rd, 2003. (Oops)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(that's a good thing)
-- Allyzay (subtrifea...), November 3rd, 2003.

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Monday, 3 November 2003 05:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I am fucking dying here. Ally, you're hilarious.

the problem is, email addresses don't get reproduced on this thread!

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Monday, 3 November 2003 05:34 (twenty-one years ago)

shhhhhhhrppppppppp/ oh welll. prrrrrrr[pphhhhhhha. hhahahahah . ts hajhie de ho. yo mamama. haah,. no fool. wu tang,. 4 evash.
-- Carey (flembac...), November 1st, 2003.

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pssht! yo mamam ghad a chicke bone.
-- Carey (flembac...), November 1st, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ha ha does Carey always turn into Pootie Tang when she's drunk?
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), November 1st, 2003.

― Allyzay, Monday, 3 November 2003 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

http://ox.eicat.ca/~scarruthers/ilx/bootycure.jpg

In this heartwarming adventure, Halle Berry plays Roberta Smith, a bootybuilder trying to break out of suburbia and attain fame. In a last ditch attempt to differentiate herself from the crowd, she trains her pooter to perform her favourite Cure numbers, and hilarity ensues! Opens November 7th at a theatre near you. (Warning: some scenes may be unsuitable for anyone who isn't Dan.)

-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...), November 3rd, 2003 10:28 AM. (SeanC)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 3 November 2003 15:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Nickalicious OTM

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 3 November 2003 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

OH MY GOD WHAT THREAD IS THAT FROM!!!!!!!!!!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 3 November 2003 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

My boss just called to say he wouldn't be in the office at all today, because he's hunting in Charlottesville. Boo yah for me,
not-so-booyah for the deer though. :(

-- Sarah McLUsky (x77tigersxu...), November 3rd, 2003.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 3 November 2003 16:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Is Britney Spears an ILXor? I have a crush on her?
-- Allyzay (ho...), November 3rd, 2003 11:33 AM.

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so does RJG.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 3rd, 2003 11:34 AM. (RJG)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, she's really hot.
-- Allyzay (crushe...), November 3rd, 2003 11:43 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so does RJG.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 3rd, 2003 11:46 AM. (RJG)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 3 November 2003 17:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I need a handler when I get drunk.

― Carey (Carey), Monday, 3 November 2003 17:24 (twenty-one years ago)

well it's better than "the patriot" anyhow.
-- amateur!st (amateur!s...), November 3rd, 2003. (amateurist) (later)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Someone having a crap in both of my ears and both of my eyes whilst me eating special shit flavour popcorn would be better than the Patriot.
-- Pete (pb1...), November 3rd, 2003. (Pete) (later)

― Nicolars (Nicole), Monday, 3 November 2003 17:31 (twenty-one years ago)

i've actually seen neither the patriot nor any of the matrix films

― amateur!st (amateurist), Monday, 3 November 2003 17:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Hi Momus!

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 3 November 2003 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

― amateur!st (amateurist), Monday, 3 November 2003 17:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Might've been special once in a lifetime vomit.
-- Bryan (bryan...), August 10th, 2003 6:45 PM. (later)

"And you may ask yourself - how did this vomit get here?"

-- NA (emmaa...), August 11th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Monday, 3 November 2003 17:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Everything that came out of that whole "microhouse" thing, Phong Sui have really validated it for me.
-- Chris Ott (chris-ot...), November 2nd, 2003. (later)

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But Chris I thought your favourite microhouse track was the Royskopp remix of The Streets?!?!?
-- Tim Finney (tfinne...), November 3rd, 2003. (later)

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ha ha
-- strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyl...), November 3rd, 2003. (later)

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Oh absolutely it is.
-- Chris Ott (chris-ot...), November 3rd, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 3 November 2003 17:38 (twenty-one years ago)

my wife finds scrabble incredibly sexy. especially when I spell a five letter word, rather than a four letter.

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), November 3rd, 2003. (Chris V) (later)

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 3 November 2003 18:27 (twenty-one years ago)

RJG and his girlfriend, Nick Southall, will have Diana Ross and Lionel Richie singing Endless Love *live* - my wedding gift to them.
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), November 2nd, 2003.

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I will cry like I am right now.
:''''(

-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 2nd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think we'll all be crying.
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), November 2nd, 2003.

― Allyzay, Monday, 3 November 2003 18:43 (twenty-one years ago)

i like to crawl inside the carcass of a tauntaun to stay warm during sex.
-- Carey (flembac...), November 3rd, 2003 1:16 PM. (Carey)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 3 November 2003 18:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I had an ex boyfriend who once dumped caramel and whipped cream all over himself? I wasn't quite sure what that was supposed to accomplish.
Also he did this while other people were in the room and seemed to expect me to find it totally acceptable to then get up and go to the other room and fuck him, while we still were entertaining guests.

I think pretty much all of my exes should die.

-- Allyzay (go...), November 3rd, 2003. (later)

― Nicolars (Nicole), Monday, 3 November 2003 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I want to mother jess.
-- teeny (teen...), November 3rd, 2003 9:40 AM. (later)

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you left out an 's' there, teeny.
-- Kingfish (jdsalmo...), November 3rd, 2003 9:45 AM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

also I left out a 'panking'.
-- teeny (teen...), November 3rd, 2003 9:45 AM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 3 November 2003 20:05 (twenty-one years ago)

http://ox.eicat.ca/~scarruthers/ilx/bootycure2.jpg

troubling (and not in an arousing way), she is challenged by up-n-comer Veronica Jotten (played by Vivica Fox), whose pooter is proficient in Pistols and PiL. Will it be anarchy in the USA, or just like heaven for our heroine? Bootycure II: The Pootening hits screens on December 12, and will be available on DVD on December 14.

-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...), November 3rd, 2003 3:39 PM. (SeanC)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 3 November 2003 20:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean seriously THE POOTENING! Holy shit Crudders is the fucking bombdig.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 3 November 2003 20:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Just wait'll you hear the soundtrack.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Monday, 3 November 2003 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan needs to write some lyrics for the soundtrack.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Monday, 3 November 2003 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

This is wrong, I tell you.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 3 November 2003 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan writing lyrics is never wrong. Dan getting Xtina to sing them just the way he wants them, for instance: so wrong it's right.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 3 November 2003 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Beware of the secret leprechaun, Ned. She will steal your gold.

-- Larcole (nicolew1...), July 28th, 2003. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't call me that.

-- Ally (mlescau...), July 28th, 2003. (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 3 November 2003 21:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Damn for not knowing the context here!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 3 November 2003 21:02 (twenty-one years ago)

The Matrix ft. Cowboy Curtis "What's Love Got to Do With It" (I Was Nominated for an Oscar as Ike remix)
-- nickalicious (nza2342...) (webmail), November 3rd, 2003 12:51 PM. (nickalicious) (later) (link)

― amateur!st (amateurist), Monday, 3 November 2003 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

btw. there will be a Nova special re-airing on PBS tomorrow night with Brian Greene talking about all this.

-- Dale the Titled (cpre...), November 3rd, 2003. (later)

will this one have the CG Einstein too?

-- Kingfish (jdsalmo...), November 3rd, 2003. (later)

Yes, but they made Maxwell shoot first in this one; which is totally lame.

-- Dale the Titled (cpre...), November 3rd, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 3 November 2003 21:46 (twenty-one years ago)

ha ha, from right after that:

Okay I know nothing about anything, but if the universe is infinitely large wouldn't it have to be infinitely small as well?
-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), November 3rd, 2003 4:43 PM. (Oops)

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yes plus also infinitely middling
-- mark s (mar...), November 3rd, 2003 4:46 PM. (mark s)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 3 November 2003 21:51 (twenty-one years ago)

oh YEAH? check THIS shit:

http://www.cnn.com/2003/TECH/science/07/07/creepy.critters/
(pic of beholder/squid/coral thing)

"It's David Lo Pan! He can see us!"
-- Kingfish (jdsalmo...), November 3rd, 2003 4:24 PM. (Kingfish) (later) (link)

SHIT IT IS NOT WORKING.
-- Allyzay (gr...), November 3rd, 2003 4:24 PM. (later) (link)

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING??????
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 3rd, 2003 4:25 PM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 3 November 2003 21:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"Four Weddings And A Funeral" would have been cute if practically anyone else had played Andie MacDowell's role. And I mean ANYONE. It could have been Bruce Villanch.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 3rd, 2003 4:00 PM. (Dan Perry)

― Bryan (Bryan), Monday, 3 November 2003 22:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyway, my favorite costumes were the faux Hilton Sisters in their totally trash-ola Hamptons shades, blond wigs, cut-off jeans skirts, Canal Street Murakami LV bags and pashminalikes. I am going to try this but not for Halloween.

-- felicity (felicityredwel...), November 3rd, 2003.

(it's the "...but not for Halloween" that is killing me)

― Allyzay, Monday, 3 November 2003 22:51 (twenty-one years ago)

what IS a soccer ho, anyway?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 3 November 2003 22:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Secret club.

― Allyzay, Monday, 3 November 2003 22:57 (twenty-one years ago)

"affirmations" thread:

How how how is it meant to work though?
-- Tom (ebro...), November 19th, 2001 8:00 PM.

They're better than oaths cuz you don't need a Bible.
-- Trevor (tricyclic_loope...), November 19th, 2001 8:00 PM.

they're better than oaths cuz nothing will happen to you if you break em
-- mark s (mar...), November 19th, 2001 8:00 PM.

― Annouschka (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 3 November 2003 23:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Is Nick like Troy McClure?
-- Nicolars (nicolew1...) (webmail), November 3rd, 2003. (later)

You may know me from such threads as the disgusting dead-fish-masturbation-marathon.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...) (webmail), November 3rd, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 3 November 2003 23:44 (twenty-one years ago)

toad an ultimate brookside

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 3 November 2003 23:48 (twenty-one years ago)

what IS a soccer ho, anyway?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/birmingham/competitions/2002/10/ulrika/images/ulrika-270.jpg

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 00:03 (twenty-one years ago)

during Morpheus's speech and the subsequent rave scene i just told myself that 'it's cool, this probably really is how people would behave and react given the situation they're in and after all that's happened'. it happened during the Blitz too you know. down in the tube stations everyone was semi-naked and gurning like bastards to Fluke.

-- stevem (bluesk...), November 3rd, 2003 4:52 AM. (blueski)

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 03:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I often enjoy eating liquids, especiaaly roasts.
-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), October 4th, 2003.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 05:40 (twenty-one years ago)

So now there's this best-of and I'm all like "Oh great, I can finally hear what's so great about this band without wading through 88 hours of pond-scum" and I put the thing on and it is COMPLETE FUCKING TORTURE! This is their BEST stuff? What the FUCK are people talking about?! "Catchy" "songs"?! Haha "hooks"?!?! And even for an indie-rock guy Pollard can NOT fucking SING!! ARE YOU PEOPLE ALL ON THE FUCKING CRACK???? STOP SMOKING THE FUCKING CRACK! IT IS BAD FOR YOU!

-- M Matos, November 4th, 2003 11:27 PM

― geeta (geeta), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 05:47 (twenty-one years ago)

taken from the new "Momus raps the Aenead" album on Def Jam.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), November 4th, 2003. (later)

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you missed an e
-- stevem (bluesk...), November 4th, 2003. (later)

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never thought i'd be saying that to Ronan!
-- stevem (bluesk...), November 4th, 2003. (later)

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 12:40 (twenty-one years ago)

are you yahoo driving directions?
-- gygax! (gygax0...), November 3rd, 2003.

ha ha no I'm gunning it up I-75 at 100 mph smokin' cheebah.
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), November 3rd, 2003.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 12:50 (twenty-one years ago)

There are many devious blackguards who want to wage a clandestine guerilla war against many basic human rights. One -- Gareth -- is so foul-mouthed, he deserves special mention. I assume you already know that what I call antihumanist, pharisaism-oriented flag burners are burdened with the preconceived ideas or feeble understanding of the circles to which they previously belonged, both politically and philosophically, but I have something more important to tell you. I'm sticking out my neck a bit in talking about his harangues. It's quite likely he will try to retaliate against me for my telling you that all the deals he makes are strictly one-way. Gareth gets all the rights, and the other party gets all the obligations. (Yes, his madness is the direct consequence of self-hatred, false assumptions about society, and stupidity, but that's an entirely different story.) I have a tendency to report the more sensational things that Gareth is up to, the more shocking things, things like how he wants to deplete the ozone layer. And I realize the difficulty that the average person has in coming to grips with that, but he keeps saying that space aliens are out to lay eggs in our innards or ooze their alien hell-slime all over us. For some reason, Gareth's underlings actually believe this nonsense.
He has two imperatives. The first is to use mass organization as a system of integration and control. The second imperative is to revive the ruinous excess of a bygone era to bounce and blow amidst the ruinous excess of the present era. There's a lot of talk nowadays about Gareth's mudslinging grievances, but not much action.

Regardless of what Gareth seems to think, if stated outright, his actions would be manifestly unpopular. As I often like to put it, I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people. I can therefore assure you that someone has to be willing to deal stiffly with the most hateful wackos you'll ever see who make us all miserable. Even if it's not polite to do so. Even if it hurts a lot of people's feelings. Even if everyone else is pretending that the worst types of cynical homophobic-types I've ever seen make the best scout leaders and schoolteachers. I want to upbraid Gareth for being so petulant. But first, let me pose an abstract question. Why does Gareth have to be such a party pooper? I once asked Gareth that question -- I am still waiting for an answer. In the meantime, let me point out that Gareth has stated that two wrongs make a right. That's just pure quislingism. Well, in Gareth's case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that I have one itsy-bitsy problem with Gareth's overgeneralizations. Videlicet, they defuse or undermine incisive critiques of his unpatriotic, anti-democratic behavior by turning them into procedural arguments about mechanisms of institutional restraint. And that's saying nothing about how if you don't think that pessimism is his main weapon and his chief means of convincing his vicegerents to move warped nihilism from the jaundiced fringe into a realm of respectability, then you've missed the whole point of this letter. Gareth operates on an international scale to replace our natural soul with an artificial one. It's only fitting, therefore, that we, too, work on an international scale, but to offer true constructive criticism -- listening to the whole issue, recognizing the problems, recognizing what is being done right, and getting involved to help remedy the problem.

His accomplices are in league with dictatorial cheapskates who destroy the natural beauty of our parks and forests, and besides, his indifference only adds to the problem. It's that simple. Out of the vast number of devastating evils for which wretched deadbeats are directly or indirectly responsible, I shall pick out only a single one which is most in keeping with the inner essence of Gareth's complacent policies: larrikinism. Gareth wants to sentence more and more people to poverty, prison, and early death. Who does he think he is? I mean, he says that he defends the real needs of the working class. Wow! Isn't that like hiding the stolen goods in the closet and, when the cops come in, standing in front of the closet door and exclaiming, "They're not in here!"? It does not require a Sherlock Holmes to prove that it's not a question of if but only of when he will terrorize our youngsters. How does he deal with this fascinating piece of information? He entirely ignores it.

Gareth wallows in his basest behavior. It's a pity. In whatever form it takes -- magazines, music, propaganda, or any other form -- his rhetoric is designed to fill the air with recrimination and rancor. Every time he tells his yes-men that he is merely trying to make this world a better place in which to live, their eyes roll into the backs of their heads as they become mindless receptacles of unsubstantiated information, which they accept without question. Unsettling as that is, the more infuriating fact is that you shouldn't let Gareth intimidate you. You shouldn't let him push you around. We're the ones who are right, not Gareth. The only way out of Gareth's rat maze is to lead us all toward a better, brighter future. It's that simple.

-- Brian MacDonald (brian...), June 26th, 2002.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 4 November 2003 14:26 (twenty-one years ago)

It's funny because it's true.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Gareth's Rat Maze is being released by Parker Brothers this Christmas.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd say it's a fairly rare American family where adolescent and older children see both parents naked on other than an accidental basis. Friends? Do you mean friends of the opposite sex? If guys go work out at the gym together, they will probably see each other naked in the locker room. No idea about women's lockerroom, but I think in general, women are more private, according to my ex. You totally don't see your friends of the opposite sex naked, because then you'd immediately be forced to have sex with them. regardless of sexual orientation. It's in the Constitution.
-- Skottie (n...), November 4th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

GOD BLESS THE CONSTITUTION
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 4th, 2003.

― Girolamo Savonarola, Tuesday, 4 November 2003 16:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I could have sworn there was a thread where I suggested you dye your hair blue and you were all "NOT IN THIS LIFETIME, SAD NEGRO GOTH MAN."

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 4th, 2003.

No Dan, those are Underworld lyrics

-- TOMBOT (dubnobas...), November 4th, 2003.

OLD MAN EINSTEIN ON TOP OF HIS HOUSE
WIDE DEEP BLUE
NOT IN THIS LIFETIME
SAD NEGRO GOTH MAN
RED CAR

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 4th, 2003.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 4 November 2003 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

HAHA I was just going to post that.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 4 November 2003 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

From the 'British people and detergents' thread:

This thread is turning me into Lee Greenwood.
-- NA (emmaa...), November 4th, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 16:56 (twenty-one years ago)

...
-- strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyl...), November 4th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hahaha.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 4th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I mean, so does RJG.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 4th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 4 November 2003 18:10 (twenty-one years ago)

it's as if lord custos was a gremlin and someone threw him in water
-- strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyl...), November 4th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 4 November 2003 19:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Ally beat me to it!

― Nicolars (Nicole), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 19:12 (twenty-one years ago)

For some reason this thread makes me angry, and I've never cared a whit about GBV one way or the other
-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...) (webmail), November 4th, 2003 5:03 AM. (J0hn Darn1elle) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

turning into jess then?
-- Julio Desouza (juli...) (webmail), November 4th, 2003 5:04 AM. (jdesouza) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

come close Julio, I've a kiss for ye
-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...) (webmail), November 4th, 2003 5:18 AM. (J0hn Darn1elle) (later) (link)

― amateur!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

it's the "ye"

― amateur!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

ha ha -
i fought the law
and
i
won
i fough the law
and
dys-won.

okay i was still convicted, but i got what i wanted. had a pretrial chat with the prosecutor and agreed to lowering the speed to 15 over. no points and the fine was reduced from $135 to $55.

-- dyson (dyspleasur...), November 4th, 2003 12:10 PM. (dyson) (later) (link) (admin) (65.95.157.223)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But think of the damage to your Permanent Record.
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 4th, 2003 1:03 PM. (tracerhand) (later) (link) (admin) (80.1.9.88)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

God remembers everything, dyson.
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 4th, 2003 1:17 PM. (tracerhand) (later) (link) (admin) (80.1.9.88)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And He will remember how you lied about "traffic flow" when in fact you were drag-racing with Satan.
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 4th, 2003 1:22 PM. (tracerhand) (later) (link) (admin) (80.1.9.88)

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 19:44 (twenty-one years ago)

OK. So an American citizen's freedoms are enshrined in the constitution.

Meaning that your average Yankee-Joe, will fight to the death for the right to continue bearing arms. Allowing teenagers to buy automatic weapons and kill their classmates.

So why have the usually libertarian leaning Americans allowed laws to be passed banning smoking in public places, but not packing a shootah?

-- MrOrangeSpangle (Orang...), November 4th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HAHAHAHA "usually libertarian leaning Americans"!

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 4th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, yes Libertarian. Meaning 'freedom of choice' not bowing to 'government controls' etc
-- MrOrangeSpangle (duad...), November 4th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I usually curtsey to them.

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 4th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 19:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Co: What are you doing?
Me: I'm writing our conversation on a post-it note
Co: Why?
Me: So, I can post it on the internet!
Co: Oh, what?
-- jel -- (freeduni...), November 4th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 4 November 2003 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

jess, you broke Dan Perry.
-- Allyzay (om...), November 4th, 2003. (later)

― Nicolars (Nicole), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 20:04 (twenty-one years ago)

OK..So it's about employee's rights...What about my health, were I to live in Los Angeles breathing in the fumes of a million 6 litre SUV's? -- MrOrangeSpangle (sdab...), November 4th, 2003 3:09 PM. (later) (link)

you could move to Montana
-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), November 4th, 2003 3:09 PM. (Horace Mann) (later) (link)

pls do, then you'd be close to me and we could hang out
-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), November 4th, 2003 3:10 PM. (Horace Mann) (later) (link)

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 20:11 (twenty-one years ago)

So, that's a "yes", then?GODDAMMIT WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE SAY ANYTHING I FIND FUNNY? ENTERTAIN ME, DON'T DEPRESS ME! I AM SPECIFICALLY LOOKING AT YOU, KINGFISH! YOU ARE NOT MAKING ME LAUGH! AND NICK SOUTHALL, THE FIRST FISH PICTURE WAS FUNNY IN A "WHY THE FUCK IS HE DOING THAT?" WAY, BUT BY THE SEVEN THOUSANDTH ONE YOU'D BEATEN THAT JOKE SO FAR INTO THE GROUND IT WAS MELTED BY THE EARTH'S CORE! AAAAAAAARGH! SEE, I CAN FUCKING BRING THE TONE DOWN WITH THE BEST OF THEM!
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 4th, 2003 3:02 PM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

the earth weeps

― strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 20:31 (twenty-one years ago)

but jel will be ecstatic

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 20:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I turn on MTV 2 and there they are: LOUIS FARRAKHAN AND JA RULE.
gah?
-- nate detritus (n***p*****550...)
Answers

:-)
-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...)

― strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 20:51 (twenty-one years ago)

yay! < /ecstatic>

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 20:52 (twenty-one years ago)

also from same:

I can not handle hip hop.
-- Jeanne Fury (jeannefur...)

----------------------------

it's ok, neither can most of ILM.
-- Al (hoteloper...)

― strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 20:52 (twenty-one years ago)

hahahahaha where's that from?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 20:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh wait nevermind I found it.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 20:53 (twenty-one years ago)

that blount thinks he's the Pope Of Chilitown
-- stevem (bluesk...), November 4th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 4 November 2003 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

But he is the Pope of Chilitown! It's not funny.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 21:09 (twenty-one years ago)

it's true because it's funny

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 21:10 (twenty-one years ago)

It's really funny if you think about the Popearoni thing like I did and imagined James Blount watching over people having sex in a big bowl of chili while yelling "Pope of Chilitown! Pope of Chilitown!" and he's like standing there in his Navy uniform, doing the sign of the cross.

You kind of have to read a lot more into the post than stevem intended I think.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 4 November 2003 21:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I just see him in the back of a car waving to a crowd, with a big Pope hat on and a chili cook-off apron on over his robes.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 21:12 (twenty-one years ago)

...Navy uniform? bit formal for a chili orgy, innit?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

watch the Simpsons more, find me a LOT less funny

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Or maybe no one realized that stevem was just quoting the Simpsons.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I think that was clear, NA

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I'M SORRY I SAID ANYTHING JESUS CHRIST!!!!

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 4 November 2003 21:18 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.family-friendly-fun.com/spirit/teachers/jesus.jpg
You need not apologize to me young lady.

― Jesus Crust (nickalicious), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 21:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Hahahaha I really wish I could see the login names now to see how posted that cos I'd kiss them. Unless I hated them.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 4 November 2003 21:23 (twenty-one years ago)

it was delicious nick, the most Jesus-esque of all ILXors

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 21:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Well then I kiss him!

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 4 November 2003 21:33 (twenty-one years ago)

KAYNE WEST REALLY AINT FROM CHI TOWN - JSUT LIKE LUDA REALLY AINT FROM ATL, DONT LET HIM FOOL U!
-- CLINTO GREENWOOD

-----------------------------------

my reality is crumbling
-- mitch lastnamewithheld

― strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 22:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Hmmm... I've been playing football and now this... Dan, rest assured I was not offended, I was hitting the post left-footed from 18-yards and then swearing really loud. Jess, I do kiss you, but I also think you need to be more with the love sometimes, man. < /nickalicious> Mind you, so could everybody do with being more with the love. If that makes sense.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), November 4th, 2003 5:32 PM. (Nick Southall) (later) (link)

ILX is really in the fucking gutter.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), November 4th, 2003 5:33 PM. (Ronan) (later) (link)

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 22:36 (twenty-one years ago)

it should be noted that teenagers buying automatic weapons and shooting their classmates is banned also
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 4th, 2003 8:05 PM.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 22:42 (twenty-one years ago)

ilm is the no spin zone!

-- Sonny A. (newaddres...), November 4th, 2003 5:30 PM. (Keiko) (later)

― cinniblount (James Blount), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 23:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Seeing your mom naked if you are a guy and your mom is Halle Berry----OOOOOH ME LIKEY LIKEY LIKEY wait you're my mom eeewwwwwww.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 4th, 2003.

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 23:42 (twenty-one years ago)

haha - that reminds me of that snl sketch with norm mcdonald and elle macpherson's his sister

― cinniblount (James Blount), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 23:44 (twenty-one years ago)

At my old job I sat at a computer that wasn't equipped to surf the net.. so I'd make little people-shaped objects out of balled-up masking tape.
-- Mandee (Wolfshir...), November 4th, 2003 3:16 PM.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 4 November 2003 23:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Well I'm in a peachy fucking okay screw you jack mood now!
-- luna (luna_cee...) (webmail), November 5th, 2003. (later)

Luna, don't moAACKKK!
-- Casuistry (chri...) (webmail), November 5th, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 00:26 (twenty-one years ago)

You cannot lick your own elbows.
-- Dale the Titled (cpre...), November 4th, 2003 12:54 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dale is right. Or at least, I can't.

-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), November 4th, 2003 12:55 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unless you dislocate your shoulder. If you dislocate your shoulder just to lick your elbow, you are officially the coolest person alive.
-- Bryan (twp62y...), November 4th, 2003 12:56 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i can't believe i just tried to lick my own elbow. i nearly dislocated my jaw never mind my shoulder. but if i had a longer tongue it might've worked.
-- stevem (bluesk...), November 4th, 2003 1:12 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Word is that your own elbows taste like cotton candy.
-- NA (emmaa...), November 4th, 2003 1:13 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I understand, stevem. I somehow actually made my tongue hurt.
-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), November 4th, 2003 1:48 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can totally lick my own elbows. I'm slobbering all over them right now. Mmm, delicious.
-- Gene Simmons (emmaa...), November 4th, 2003 1:50 PM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 05:43 (twenty-one years ago)

doesn't 'you are my ilx crush' still = 'i have bothered to read your blog lately'?

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 5th, 2003. (James Blount) (later)

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 07:53 (twenty-one years ago)

You know, I've never paid any attention or listened to Joy Division, but I'm pretty goddamn well read as far as punk goes, and anyone, no matter what genre, is better than G.G. Allin. Because basically, G.G. Allin failed to do what GWAR succeeded at because he took himself too seriously and didn't have Jim Hensen's help.
-- Helltime Producto (jostababy197...), November 5th, 2003.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 07:59 (twenty-one years ago)

apparently he suggested that all the people who like Cribs should sit on one side and all the other people who prefer Dismissed should sit on the other side. the poor guys in the middle who prefer music videos to both of those were chastised for conspiring to dominate the media for their own gain.
-- stevem (bluesk...), November 4th, 2003.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 08:02 (twenty-one years ago)

HI DERE

― Amazing Randy (Amazing Randy), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 10:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you have something more to say?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 10:18 (twenty-one years ago)

who is this Dere? i think he means Geir

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 10:20 (twenty-one years ago)

she may have the body of a woman, but she has the heart and stomach of a woman
-- stevem (bluesk...), November 5th, 2003.

― Skottie, Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Most of the thread, really, but particularly this:

tudor-ese for uk garage = albion's stables
-- mark s (mar...), November 5th, 2003. (mark s) (later)

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:57 (twenty-one years ago)

On the Radical Menstruation thread:

This thread title is totally uncalled for.
-- Spinktor the Unmerciful (kentuckysharkwhiske...), November 5th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Farrakhan: And now you're married, have children and you never hit your wife?
Ja Rule: Yes, three children — never hit my wife.

Farrakhan: That's wonderful, my brother.

Indeed it is.

-- Daniel_Rf

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

this is the thread where i dream of stranding jess in a world full of puppies, bunnies, ballons, jello and pretty pastel colours

--Dave Stelfox

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Ronan's comeback was way funnier.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:02 (twenty-one years ago)

so is RJG

― strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I shamefully admit I cracked myself up for a few minutes with this exchange:

The Incredible String Band or Fairport Convention or Pentangle or Steeleye Span could actually write melodies, sorry.
-- hstencil (hstenci...), November 5th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

no, they stole them--just like the Strokes steal theirs!
-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), November 5th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OH MY GOD BAN ALL MUSIC FROM THESE SICK THIEVES
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 5th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

but thievery is a plus in pop!
-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), November 5th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's why we all think the greatest band ever is the Thievery Corporation, with their funky beats and loungey atmospheres.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 5th, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

still hilarious!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

wipes out the bad taste from all the crush "drama"

― cinniblount (James Blount), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I have served a good purpose. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

You are the yin to my yang.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

the sling to your schlong.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I win with your wa...er.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

you are the yang beneath my yins

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Ronan909: will you have to research your ass off?
Dubplatestyle: i hope not!!
Dubplatestyle: i'll just watch the behind the music
Dubplatestyle: and make the rest up
Ronan909: make up some ridiculous "fact"
Ronan909: like when they began, lars was molested by the boss of sony
Ronan909: in exchange for a record deal
Dubplatestyle: they sold their souls for rock n roll
Ronan909: one night lars met the devil
Ronan909: who molested him and said if he told anyone they would blame lars
Ronan909: the abuse continued long into the 80s
Ronan909: when it turned out the "devil" was mick jagger all along

-- strongo hulkington's ghost

― strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I think you've given it away here, Jess. ;-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), November 5th, 2003. (later)

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:06 (twenty-one years ago)

http://home.ripway.com/2003-7/13884/carpenters.jpg
-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), November 5th, 2003. (later)

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:07 (twenty-one years ago)

It is quite possibly the most amazing Photoshop ever.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Indeed!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:08 (twenty-one years ago)

(alternatively, if any papists want to experience the saftey of my hole, just let me know)
-- Mark C

mark c do you like kit marlowe?
-- mark s

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:09 (twenty-one years ago)

the next best thing: "Escape to Cockfarmer Rowboat".
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 5th, 2003 10:52 AM. (RJG)

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:10 (twenty-one years ago)

dear snoop dogg,

thanks for teaching me about marijuana. now i have half the brain cells i did when i was eighteen and i'll never get my harvard phd.

love,

-- vahid

― strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)

how does one give a fuck? (5 new answers)
Slowly sliding a stiletto into your left eye: C/D? (20 new answers)
I'm really unhappy at the moment. (45 new answers)
Why don't you ALL JUST SHUT UP? (4 new answers)
Oh fuck, this is depressing me (1 new answer)
This is the thread where you logout, name your crush, and everybody else tries to guess who the crushers are... (382 new answers)

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 17:25 (twenty-one years ago)

ILE on third day of brokenness.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 17:27 (twenty-one years ago)

god even at it's worst ilx hasn't been this bad

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 5th, 2003.

It's funny because it's true!

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 17:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Though, come on, if you ignore the "feel good" or "feel bad" crush and hatred threads, ILE is not that bad -- the Tudor thread is fun, for example.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 17:36 (twenty-one years ago)

oh - that's the worst of all! it's all englishy!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 17:39 (twenty-one years ago)

hey, i got to do a Fibber McGee & Molly joke! ILX is aces the rest of the day as far as i'm concerned.

I'm easily amused.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 17:39 (twenty-one years ago)

but I haven't said anything all day! :(

-- jel -- (freeduni...), November 5th, 2003.

From the "why don't you ALL just shut up" thread. Jel is a golden god.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 17:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Jel is my favorite.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 17:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Radical Menstruation (97 new answers)

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 18:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Hooters Waitress: "Would you like Bleu cheese or Ranch with those wangs?"
Me: "Bitch, you know i like mine with Bovril."

Hooters Waitress: *Kicks me in the face*

Me: "Damn, yo."

Random Dude: "AH SNAP!"

-- Spinktor the Unmerciful (kentuckysharkwhiske...), November 5th, 2003 12:02 PM. (mawill5)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I love oj but not the calciumated kind - that means they put bones in it! -- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 5th, 2003 7:13 PM. (James Blount) (later) (link)

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 18:29 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg

― PASTE, GO!, Wednesday, 5 November 2003 18:32 (twenty-one years ago)

nickalicious---You totally copied/pasted me. Ah, snap.

― Spinktor the Unmerciful (mawill5), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 18:33 (twenty-one years ago)

You are really bored today, aren't you?

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 5 November 2003 18:45 (twenty-one years ago)

hi jay z i would like 2 fuck u n then watch sex and the city you are a inspitration to my life i will please you in many ways. holla back
-- jennifer delgado (bunny.girl69...), November 5th, 2003 3:15 PM.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 20:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I know this is gross, but I like petting the forest, too.
-- felicity (felicityredwel...), November 5th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 5 November 2003 21:01 (twenty-one years ago)

is there a thread for posts that made you churn in horror?

― gygax! (gygax!), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

wait, wasnt' this thread about Batman?

-- Jay Dee Sah Mon (jdsalmo...), November 5th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not unless big-ass booty pootin' out all your favourite hits from Disintegration can even remotely be construed as "Batman".

-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...), November 5th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 21:16 (twenty-one years ago)

This is why one wets the Q-tip first, to prevent stray flyaways. ;-)
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), July 22nd, 2002.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ned, that's disgusting.
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), July 22nd, 2002.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 5 November 2003 21:40 (twenty-one years ago)

the missionary position isn't really ideal for clitoral stimulation

This runs contrary to my experience. And mechanical logic, really.

Semiotically i guess the M.P. is kind of plain-vanilla but who thinks about semiotics in the sack?

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), February 25th, 2003 3:47 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*sheepishly raises hand*
-- mark s (mar...), February 25th, 2003 3:48 PM.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 22:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Attention: I was totally wrong in 2001!

-- Allyzay (anywa...), November 5th, 2003.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Start to finish?

-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), November 5th, 2003.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, the whole year was just the year of me talking shit while being completely fucked up the entire time, it was like if Tony Montana and Bridget Jones had a baby and made it post to ILE all goddamn day.

-- Allyzay (forrea...), November 5th, 2003.

― Herbstmute (Wintermute), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 23:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Dee I get weak in the knees when you start talkin' crime

*swoon*

-- J0hn Darn1elle

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 6 November 2003 02:04 (twenty-one years ago)

oops probably is the most OTM person all day today.

*blows raspberry in the general direction of Mr. JD*

― Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Thursday, 6 November 2003 02:53 (twenty-one years ago)

oops probably is the most OTM person all day today.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 6 November 2003 13:17 (twenty-one years ago)

!!!

― Nicolars (Nicole), Thursday, 6 November 2003 13:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Blood, v-hole...gross. Brutal reality.
-- Spinktor the Unmerciful (kentuckysharkwhiske...), November 5th, 2003 3:48 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spinktor, your name says it all.
-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), November 5th, 2003 3:51 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Its a family name.
-- Spinktor the Unmerciful (kentuckysharkwhiske...), November 5th, 2003 3:52 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An unmerciful one.
-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), November 5th, 2003 3:52 PM. (later)

― The Rankin' Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 6 November 2003 13:47 (twenty-one years ago)

my kidneys could probably survive outside the womb if you hooked electrodes up to them oops, so what?
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003 8:35 PM. (tracerhand) (later) (link)

you have kidneys in your womb?
-- the surface noise (electricsoun...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003 8:35 PM. (electricsound) (later) (link)

you have a womb?
-- the surface noise (electricsoun...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003 8:35 PM. (electricsound) (later) (link)

ESOJ makes the posts so I don't have to.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003 8:36 PM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)

― Jay Dee Sah Mon (Kingfish), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can reveal that that's my ass on the cover of _Get Lucky_. (That's still Mike Reno's hand, though.)

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 6th, 2003.

― Chris Hungus (Chris V), Thursday, 6 November 2003 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

HI I AM THE AMAZING JODY

-- Annouschka (jod...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003 8:09 AM. (Jody Beth Rosen) (later) (link)

― amateur!st (amateurist), Thursday, 6 November 2003 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

haha it's a lot funnier if you put the post she xposted that with (sorry JBR)

― Allyzay, Thursday, 6 November 2003 16:44 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, it made me think when i was waiting to go on on a cable show over here to discuss filesharing (which i don't even really do as i have a dial-up connection). one of the presenters was only really there for one reason: she had the most unfeasible breasts i have ever seen. this was kinda helping me not get too depressed until i heard the floor manager giving the the instruction: "great clevage on camera three, don't move, hold that shot." i nearly cried.

-- Dave Stelfox (destelfo...), November 6th, 2003. (later) (link)

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Stories of a grown man crying at boobies are always the best.

-- Sarah (starr...), November 6th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 November 2003 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

His wife is a semi-famous mystery novelist. Semi-famous because she's famous in Regina, but then again, I'm famous in Regina and all I do is ride the bus.

-- Huckleberry Man

and then on the same thread...

I didn't vote (cuz I don't recognize Canada as a sovereign nation free from rule of monarch)...

-- Huckleberry Man

he is having a good day today.

― dyson (dyson), Thursday, 6 November 2003 17:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Emma, you are officially a cunt, as has been pointed out. Are you, like, fifteen, or something? By the age of fifteen I was already reading Noddy books. Do you even know what a book is? You should be ashamed of yourself. Good question, though.

-- Eyeball Kicks (eyeball_kick...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003 8:50 AM. (Eyeball Kicks) (later) (link)

― amateur!st (amateurist), Thursday, 6 November 2003 17:14 (twenty-one years ago)

!!!! Where the hell is that from?

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 6 November 2003 17:21 (twenty-one years ago)

These comparisons of unborn babies and kidneys... you forget the concept of potential...what each is capable of becoming...so equal intelligence at that moment, I admit... but potential...compare babies...think of the worst a kidney can become...it takes a while...most kidneys do something worthwhile...a little swimming snottery-beaked baby...could be Einstein...but it won't be...don't flatter yourself...flatter your kidneys...look after your kidneys...put your baby in the urinal...let it die in the swimming pool.
-- Eyeball Kicks (eyeball_kick...), November 6th, 2003.

― Girolamo Savonarola, Thursday, 6 November 2003 17:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Different Emma, Pash.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 November 2003 17:56 (twenty-one years ago)

good cover, Dan

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 6 November 2003 17:57 (twenty-one years ago)

http://base58.com/ilx/campskeletor1.gif

-- stevem (bluesk...), November 6th, 2003 1:01 PM. (blueski)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 6 November 2003 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Finding joy is arbitrary
-- Nichole Graham (britbab...), November 6th, 2003 11:39 AM. (later)

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...unless she's dressed like Waldo.
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), November 6th, 2003 11:41 AM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 6 November 2003 19:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Surely taking eye off road is better than LEAVING it lying there??
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 6th, 2003. (later)

― felicity (felicity), Thursday, 6 November 2003 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Thread: "My alma mater"

http://www.frontpagemagazine.com/articles/ReadArticle.asp?ID=1063
apparently, all of my orgy activity and whitey-hating could have improved my gpa. had i but known.

-- lauren (jaguarrid...), November 6th, 2003. (later)

Answers
what's your alma mater? san francisco? aids? don't get it. did they mention a school? i missed it.
-- Dean Gulberry (drunken_bastar...), November 6th, 2003. (later)

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shit! i'm sorry. that link totally fucked up... moderator, can you delete? it was supposed to be this hysterical right-wing article on oberlin.
-- lauren (jaguarrid...), November 6th, 2003. (later)

(lauren, I'll delete it for you, but it was kind of funny)

― felicity (felicity), Thursday, 6 November 2003 21:42 (twenty-one years ago)

that is funny

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 6 November 2003 21:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned can reveal that in 1993 I pretended to be terminally ill (and 14) so that the Make-A-Wish Foundation would have Kevin Shields write me a lullaby. Unfortunately when Kevin was playing it for me next to my "sickbed" he noticed the lift in the sheets caused by my growing erection. He began to stroke my hair, but, deeply confused by my phyiscal reaction to his music, I spurned him. He was so frustrated that he has been suffering from writer's block ever since. In fact, Belinda quit the group when Kevin announced that every song title would have the word "Ned" in it. While I can not return Kevin's love for me, I have promised never to cut my hair, in hopes that my locks will someday inspire him again to greatness.
-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), November 6th, 2003. (Anthony Miccio) (later)

― Nicolars (Nicole), Thursday, 6 November 2003 21:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I was just about to post that!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 November 2003 21:48 (twenty-one years ago)

HM.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 6 November 2003 21:48 (twenty-one years ago)

my grandmother makes a salad:

chop one iceberg lettuce into 1/4s

put in bowl

top with 1000 island

enjoy

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyl...), November 6th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 November 2003 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

is this the real vonda shepard?

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 6th, 2003. (later) (link)

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if so, you should totally be having abortions

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 6th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 November 2003 22:02 (twenty-one years ago)

was just about to post that!

She beat us both, dude.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 6 November 2003 22:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't get me wrong. I always get my residual All Dressed fix when I visit.. but it's mainly a small exercise in self-torture to make myself feel alive.
-- donut bitch (do...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003. (later)

Next Jackass episode... Participants dared to eat Family size bags of IPA brand All Dressed Chips.
-- donut bitch (do...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003. (later)

IPA????
I can eat that large size of All Dressed Chips anyday.
-- Mr Noodles (infinitecow...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003. (later)

Noodles is obviously made of Osmium.
-- donut bitch (do...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003. (later)

Your weak American taste buds aren't equipped to handle the pure Taste Eplosion that is All Dressed Chips and Crown Royal.
Heavens etc

-- Mr Noodles (infinitecow...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 6 November 2003 22:08 (twenty-one years ago)

it's sad but true - ejaculating late in the evening *after* a bit of exercise (i.e. sex rather than a tommy) is an absolute guarantee of sweet sweet sleep. Sadly.
-- Mark C (boyincorduro...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003. (later)

'Exercise' = looking for 'just the right' porno
-- dave q (scrape10...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 6 November 2003 22:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry, Martin and Nicolars -- I was having one of those evenings.

*searches for a funny thing to post on this thread*

― Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Thursday, 6 November 2003 22:27 (twenty-one years ago)

From the Jesus and Mary Chain Mania ILM thread:

Spencer, you always pick a great closer! God bless you!
-- @d@ml (nordiEF="webmail.php?msgid=3973612">nordicskill...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003. (later)

Or maybe I just have a thing for the bloated, dodgy end of a band's career, I don't know.
-- @d@ml (nordicskilla@hotmail.com) (webmail), November 6th, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 6 November 2003 23:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Sigh.. none of you have obviously tried bungee jump wanking then... what do you do on the weekends, guys, watch water drops mate?

-- donut bitch (do...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003. (later)

I have never noticed falling off of a bridge while attached to a gigantic rubber band as a side-effect of wanking. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003. (later)

I watch water drops wank. It's a bit pervy, I'll admit.
-- Casuistry (chri...) (webmail), November 6th, 2003. (later)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 6 November 2003 23:34 (twenty-one years ago)

http://ox.eicat.ca/~scarruthers/ilx/ratan.jpg

Caption for the pic: "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday if you make me mayor today."

-- Bryan

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 6 November 2003 23:36 (twenty-one years ago)

extreme wanking we're looking for, not extreme wankers

-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), November 6th, 2003 6:46 PM. (Oops) (later) (link)

So you're leaving, then, right?

-- luna (luna_cee...), November 6th, 2003 6:47 PM. (luna.c) (later) (link)

― Jay Dee Sah Mon (Kingfish), Thursday, 6 November 2003 23:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Didn't it look like Smith only blew up cause the Machine God "helped"? After Smith takes over Neo's body and we're like "oh well, Smith wins, end of movie" we switch back to "real" Neo and the machines are pumping him full of that orange energy juice (Tang, probably). Pip pop bing bang. But if the Machine God had Norton Anti-Virus all along then why the hell did it need Neo? Maybe Neo was the wake-up call. You can take the sys out of the admin, but you can't take the admin out of the sys - you alway have to get your damn users to blast the viruses out AFTER the infection, they never install the damn updates.

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 7th, 2003 8:10 PM. (tracerhand) (later)

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 7 November 2003 01:34 (twenty-one years ago)

but the main reason I feel sorry for the French is they are perilously close to the Land Of Anemic-Fritos-und-Cheez-Whiz nachos, and the unternachos may someday cross the border and establish some occupational nacho government that will not allow any decent nachos
-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...) (webmail), November 7th, 2003 10:31 PM. (J0hn Darn1elle) (later) (link)

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Friday, 7 November 2003 05:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Standard Oops strategy that.

-- Ricardo

― oops (Oops), Friday, 7 November 2003 09:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I kind of associate them with the whole Venus magazine "look-guys-I-just-knitted-a-uterus" schtick, which does get under my skin from time to time. I'm creeped out that a publication supposedly devoted to cool, accomplished women dedicates so much space to fucking crafts.

-- Sarah Pedal (exchelsease...), November 7th, 2003. (call mr. lee) (later)

― Citizen Kate (kate), Friday, 7 November 2003 10:57 (twenty-one years ago)

that miccio post about ned is the best.

― Chris Hungus (Chris V), Friday, 7 November 2003 12:41 (twenty-one years ago)

oozing melted butter

orifice butter?

-- Bob Shaw (bob_001...), November 7th, 2003 6:51 AM. (Bob Shaw) (later) (link)
---

"Orifice Butter" sounds like a Japanese punk band.

― Jay Dee Sah Mon (Kingfish), Friday, 7 November 2003 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

The Canadian equivalent of jackass = CPAC.

-- Bryan (twp62y...), November 6th, 2003.

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 7 November 2003 15:06 (twenty-one years ago)

"The government lies, a Zapatista cries, a young single mother, with salad cream eyes, the president's corrupt, the system is fucked, all out of mayonnaise, you're shit out of luck C'MON! RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SALAD CREEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM!!!! FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCKKK YOOOUUUU!!!"
-- NA (emmaa...) (webmail), November 7th, 2003 9:50 AM. (Nick A.) (later) (link)

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 7 November 2003 17:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm kind of embarassed to say it, but that made me laugh when I reread it just now.

― NA (Nick A.), Friday, 7 November 2003 17:53 (twenty-one years ago)

it's classic

― amateur!st (amateurist), Friday, 7 November 2003 17:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah that is totally amazing dude. It's on my clipboard right now, but somebody got here quicker.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 7 November 2003 17:57 (twenty-one years ago)

"eponymous" was invented by rock writers i think! no one else has ever used it in the history of language

-- mark s (mar...), November 7th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think it was first used to refer to the Eponymous Chapters of the New Testament, which was a SOPHOMORE EFFORT by noted artist YAHWEH
-- Huckleberry Mann (handsomishbo...), November 7th, 2003.

― youn, Friday, 7 November 2003 18:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm glad you liked that.

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 7 November 2003 18:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Sophmore slump, for sure.

― bnw (bnw), Friday, 7 November 2003 18:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you think I want this???! I'm taking one for the team, man.
-- Allyzay (wt...), November 7th, 2003. (later)

(Re: Lit)

― felicity (felicity), Friday, 7 November 2003 18:55 (twenty-one years ago)

It's been a really long time since I read Bitch but I certainly don't remember that kind of response.
But hey I'm all for wifebeaters and beer on the couch as long as *somebody* does the dishes.
-- A Girl Named Sam (dallasdeadgir...), November 7th, 2003 3:53 PM. (thatgirl) (later) (link)

As opposed to our house, where nobody does the dishes. No sexual discrimination at my place.
-- NA (emmaa...), November 7th, 2003 3:54 PM. (Nick A.) (later) (link)

― Jay Dee Sah Mon (Kingfish), Friday, 7 November 2003 20:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Now I'm picturing Martin arriving to the FAP on a riding lawnmower.
-- mark p (m*****...), November 7th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Friday, 7 November 2003 21:33 (twenty-one years ago)

stephen malkmus (singer/guitarist for obscure us "indie rock" band pavement) played an SRV strat on both legs of the 1994 US tours.
-- gygax! (gygax0...), November 7th, 2003. (later)

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 7 November 2003 21:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I actually really admire how he obviously doesn't care about domestic shit, like the job of running the country is beneath him or something. I bet he has a huge in-tray that's filled with urgent papers that end up getting turned into paper airplanes, and his answerphone says "If this is a Cabinet Minister, you are now being rerouted to 1-800-ASKMEIFIFGIVEAFUCK" He sort of reminds me of Richard Nixon. "Whatever, I've got an IQ of about 3000, eat shit"
-- dave q

Which reminds me - the virtual decriminalisation of cannabis use.
-- Matt DC

― typo acapulco (gcannon), Friday, 7 November 2003 22:47 (twenty-one years ago)

(From the "restaurants with great names" thread:)

Vagina Tandoori, South Great Georges' Street, Dublin.

-- Lara (lara_byrn...), November 6th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 7 November 2003 23:04 (twenty-one years ago)

From "The Future/Present/Past of Music Reviews" thread:

Well, on one level it's a bit of a cop-out, but on another it's kinda magnanimous - I think it's great that modern technomonologicalism allows this kind of thing to exist: "Anyway, enough of my yakking, who cares what I think? listen to it yourself!"

-- CharlieNo4 (charlie_iven...), November 7th, 2003 9:44 AM. (Charlie)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

yes, but the reader already knows that. when you read a review you don't expect the guy to say 'but then, who am i? and what do i know?'

-- joan vich (joa...), November 7th, 2003 9:46 AM. (joan vich)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

I disagree with your post, joan, but you might agree with it. Check it out for yourself:
The Future/Present/Past of Music Reviews

-- Huckleberry Mann (handsomishbo...), November 7th, 2003 9:47 AM. (Horace Mann) (tracklink)

― jaymc (jaymc), Saturday, 8 November 2003 04:28 (twenty-one years ago)

It's convenient that England uses money for its transactions, but my guidebook had led me to believe I would be bartering songs and stories
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 8th, 2003 11:02 AM.

it's by "Chaucer"
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 8th, 2003 11:18 AM.

― Annouschka (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 8 November 2003 16:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I am disappointed at the lack of interest in GIRL PLAYING WITH BALL
-- the pinefox (pinefo...), November 8th, 2003 10:33 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's nu-ILE for you.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), November 8th, 2003 10:37 AM. (nickdastoor)

― Bryan (Bryan), Saturday, 8 November 2003 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Ha, I love that Vic posts about planning a cathartic experience this weekend after learning what bukkake is!

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 7th, 2003 4:45 PM. (Dan Perry) (later)

― cinniblount (James Blount), Saturday, 8 November 2003 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

If Bob Mould Is "The Godfather Of Emo," then who is the "Godfather Of Grebo"?

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Saturday, 8 November 2003 22:08 (twenty-one years ago)

nothing will trump him doing 'rebel rebel' with lenny kravitz on vh1 for 'no iggy no!' shouts
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 8th, 2003.

having never seen the performance in question, this post reminded me how a great horror novel can be a million times scarier than a movie.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 8 November 2003 22:13 (twenty-one years ago)

nothing will trump him doing 'rebel rebel' with lenny kravitz on vh1 for 'no iggy no!' shouts
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 8th, 2003.

having never seen the performance in question, this post reminded me how a great horror novel can be a million times scarier than a movie.

-- Anthony Miccio

― strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 8 November 2003 22:16 (twenty-one years ago)

How does sperm in the face give life at all though, that's my question. No one has babies out their face.
-- Allyzay (lalal...), November 7th, 2003. (later) (link)

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Sunday, 9 November 2003 00:31 (twenty-one years ago)

haha, one bit in DJ Q-bert's Demolition Pumpkin Squeeze Muzik plays the "Mardi Gras" break for a bit and then just lets it keep going into the cornball electric piano/Burl Ives strings section! Hearing that for the first time was like learning that Sly Stone eventually wound up driving a bus for a living.
-- nate detritus

― goato mountington (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 9 November 2003 02:56 (twenty-one years ago)

News item: Aspiring former Death Row rapper, Big Lurch, got life
without parole and a second consecutive sentence for torturing,
mutilating, killing and eating his girlfriend in Compton.
Lurch dug out his girlfriend's lung, it was said, and -- this
was because, his lawyer claimed, he was psychotic from PCP use.

His first album, to be released while Big Lurch is staying at
Pelican Bay, is tentatively titled -- No One to Chew in the
SHU.

Some working numbers:

She Disrespected Me
The Chicken and Beer
Having Tynisha Over for Dinner
Drippin' Red/Gangsta Cred
I'm Not On Death Row -- Really
Bitch was Tough
Eatin' PCP at Suge's
If the Eye Offends Thee, Pluck it Out
Mo' mean than Ed Gein
Suge Pretend He Don't Know Me

-- George Smith

---------------------------------

Add your own.
-- George Smith

---------------------------------

How long did that take you?

-- d k (enud000...)

― goato mountington (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 9 November 2003 03:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Church organists who think they are Rick Wakeman: Classic or Dud (Unanswered, posted at 10:48 am, unread)

― amateur!st (amateurist), Sunday, 9 November 2003 18:54 (twenty-one years ago)

"blue, so blue, but i won't be blue always / for the sun's gonna shine in my back door someday"

― --, Sunday, 9 November 2003 19:28 (twenty-one years ago)

THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT> DOLORES NEVER FAKED HER LIVE PERFORMANCES> SHE PLAYED ALL HER PARTS> I WAS THERE FOR ALL THEIR SHOWS AND IT WAS ALL FOR REAL> MISTER NED RAGGETT I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU GET YOUR STORIES BUT CRACKER CAN SAY WHATEVER THEY WANT BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS SUCK IF EVEN THEY DON'T SPREAD LIES ABOUT A BAND THAT DOESN"T DESERVE TO BE SHIT ON! GET A CLUE ASSHOLES
-- chocolate brown (num1cranfa...)

― goato mountington (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 9 November 2003 20:49 (twenty-one years ago)

haha!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Sunday, 9 November 2003 20:53 (twenty-one years ago)

SALVATION!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Sunday, 9 November 2003 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

ts: num1cranfan vs. rivers # 1 girl

― goato mountington (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 9 November 2003 20:55 (twenty-one years ago)

"cranfan" is just too poetic

― cinniblount (James Blount), Sunday, 9 November 2003 20:55 (twenty-one years ago)

she's crantastic!

― goato mountington (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 9 November 2003 20:56 (twenty-one years ago)

the next time I find myself in a conversation and the term 'parrothead', 'phishhead', 'spreadhead', or 'deadhead' comes up I will make sure to insert 'cranfan' - CRANFAN NATION MUST BE HEARD

― cinniblount (James Blount), Sunday, 9 November 2003 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

i guess it's better then "crannies".

― donut bitch (donut), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:07 (twenty-one years ago)

we all look back at this and laugh once it's revealed "num1cranfan" is a guy, of course

― donut bitch (donut), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:10 (twenty-one years ago)

haha

― goato mountington (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:11 (twenty-one years ago)

(and then we'll laugh even more and harder)

― donut bitch (donut), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:12 (twenty-one years ago)

i think i conflated num1cranfan and rivers #1 girl in my mind there

― goato mountington (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:12 (twenty-one years ago)

'Hello, my name is Daniel but i go by "num1cranfan" online'

― donut bitch (donut), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:15 (twenty-one years ago)

haha!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:16 (twenty-one years ago)

i love how three guys who go by "donut bitch", "cinniblount", and "______o ____ington" are making fun of this guy's name

― goato mountington (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:17 (twenty-one years ago)

yay, but 'num1cranfan' is not a transvestite!

― donut bitch (donut), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

(probably)

― donut bitch (donut), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

num1tranfan

― cinniblount (James Blount), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:20 (twenty-one years ago)

'blountmaNo1Boo'

― donut bitch (donut), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:21 (twenty-one years ago)

rflmao

― goato mountington (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:23 (twenty-one years ago)

deeznuts4donut

― cinniblount (James Blount), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:24 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.phys.ufl.edu/~siegel/stayhungry.gif

NOOOOOOO!!!

― donut bitch (donut), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:30 (twenty-one years ago)

in the 80s you could also put your butt in a pair of bugles
-- goato mountington (dubplatestyl...), November 9th, 2003 1:22 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think they still make them
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 9th, 2003 1:25 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

to the shopping mall!
-- goato mountington (dubplatestyl...), November 9th, 2003 1:25 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i am going to be so ahead of the curve when late 80s/early 90s nostalgia hits
-- goato mountington (dubplatestyl...), November 9th, 2003 1:25 PM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:45 (twenty-one years ago)

ATTENTION RAPPERS ET AL

― goato mountington (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 9 November 2003 21:50 (twenty-one years ago)

it was either shit or the ziploc of gravy in his pocket burst.
-- gygax!

― goato mountington (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 9 November 2003 22:08 (twenty-one years ago)

43) Chris Ott's ego

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 9th, 2003.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

the fifty foot woman didn't have a twat that big

-- goato mountington (dubplatestyl...), November 9th, 2003.

― Vic (Vic), Sunday, 9 November 2003 22:24 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.cyclingnews.com/photos/2001/sep01/sfgp/JPhenk.jpg

-- matt coastal

from the 'what the hell do you look like when you masturbate?' thread

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 10 November 2003 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

-----------

7. Tube sock
-- Alex in NYC, November 8th, 2003 10:04 PM. (vassifer)

-----------

7. Tube sock
-- Alex in NYC, November 8th, 2003 10:04 PM. (vassifer)

― Spinktor the Unmerciful (mawill5), Monday, 10 November 2003 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

were i choose to acknowledge my debt to JD with an academic-style work, its title wd be: Magic, Power, Community: 700 Types of Eloquence vs the Buffy Theory of Everything Hurrah!

But I'm fairly certain this would not REPAY the debt, so this book exists as a title only

-- mark s (mar...) (webmail), November 10th, 2003 6:15 AM. (mark s) (later) (link)

― amateur!st (amateurist), Monday, 10 November 2003 14:18 (twenty-one years ago)

i just took a piss and changed records.
-- strongo hulkington

------------------------------

now i'm scratching my back and wondering how i got so fat.
-- strongo hulkington

---------------------------

hormel chilli
-- nnnh oh oh nnnh nnnh oh

― goato mountington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 10 November 2003 14:28 (twenty-one years ago)

yo scarface we all luv u ova here in da a-town u r a inspitration 2 my lifes i will do anythang 4 u sexal or non sexal i will plesare u i will evan plesrue bushwick holla back
-- keisha jane scott

― goato mountington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 10 November 2003 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

even bushwick!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Monday, 10 November 2003 15:01 (twenty-one years ago)

ebony and ivory always seemed like an imperialist soap ad to me

-- amateur!st (amateur!s...), November 10th, 2003.

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Monday, 10 November 2003 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

ey yo ma$e my nigga yo i aint atcualy a faggot nah mean but i wuld do anything i mean anythig to get up in yo cookie nigga dayamnnn u r such a instripation 2 my life nigga i suk yo dick ha holla back baby x
-- jay shawn (bk4ev...), November 10th, 2003 10:33 AM.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 10 November 2003 15:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Somewhat evil, but John D. knew what he was doing:

I resent the implication that "pleasuring" me is somehow less pleasant or desireable an option than pleasuring Willie D or Scarface. I am an excellent lover who's always attentive to my partner's needs, and I'm told that I'm a good conversationalist. No one with whom I've been romantically involved has found my small stature off-putting, or something to be "gotten past"; all my former lovers speak fondly of me. Except for my wife, who shot me in the eye.
-- Bushwick Bill (bushwic...), November 10th, 2003. (later

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 10 November 2003 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

hahahaha

― amateur!st (amateurist), Monday, 10 November 2003 15:56 (twenty-one years ago)

that just made me spit coffee on myself

― goato mountington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 10 November 2003 16:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sure it's on a previous thread, but:

This is the thread where I sing along to "Da Funk"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 November 2003 19:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I remember talking to a friend about a mutual friend he was dating. "She likes They Might Be Giants," he despaired. "So do I," I responded. "Me, too," he replied, "but I like all music. She just likes They Might Be Giants."

-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), November 10th, 2003 2:39 PM. (M Matos) (later)

― cinniblount (James Blount), Monday, 10 November 2003 20:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't play that song, that achy breaky song.
No way it may be defended at all.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 10th, 2003 7:56 AM. (later)

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 10 November 2003 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I remember seeing somnething on the news when it was a big hit. There was a girl who was confined to a wheelchair who said she was going to learn to walk so she could do the Achy Breaky. Of course, she must have also had lead poisoning if her only motivation for walking was doing the Achy Breaky.

-- dave225 (adspac...), November 10th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 November 2003 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I would love to see a movie where Michael Douglas played a young black man.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 19th, 2002.

― Allyzay, Monday, 10 November 2003 22:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean, for chrissakes, even my Mom knows Killing Joke are anything but an "of-the-moment" band.
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), November 10th, 2003. (vassifer) (later)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

of course, Alex, she's been listening to you yammer on about them for 20 fucking years now!
-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), November 10th, 2003. (M Matos) (later)

― Nicolars The Insult Comic Librarian (Nicole), Monday, 10 November 2003 22:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Ming Ming smiled at the thought of another round of chocolate Hob Nobs

-- stevem (bluesk...), November 10th, 2003.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 10 November 2003 22:09 (twenty-one years ago)

being interviewed by Diane Sawyer isn't a huge effort? What more is Lynch to do, hire skywriters in every city in the country to write "Rumsfeld Lies?!?!?"

-- hstencil (hstenci...), November 10th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 November 2003 22:22 (twenty-one years ago)

when I was 12, we used to steal Playboys from a local chain pharmacy/convenience store. But we would rip the covers off because we thought that the barcodes would set off the alarms. Then we'd just stuff 'em in our shirts.
About a year later we pulled a daring daylight heist at another store in the same chain. They used to have those cigarette display cases on the counters and one day we snatched it and ran. All the way across the street to the house of one of our gang. We didn't wear masks or anything. We were not criminal masterminds.

-- Huckleberry Mann (handsomishbo...), November 10th, 2003 12:31 PM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 00:04 (twenty-one years ago)

nerds can't rock
-- goato mountington (dubplatestyl...), November 10th, 2003.

talking like you're 12 when you're pushing 30: c/d?

-- goato mountington (dubplatestyl...), November 10th, 2003.

-- Marcel Post (marcel_pos...), November 10th, 2003 6:41 PM. (Marcel Post)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 00:12 (twenty-one years ago)

saying something is honorable, even good, but not the Future of Rock /= "ripping them a new one"
-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), November 11th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

haha - I wish that had been my dad's definition of 'ripping me a new one' when I was a kid!
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 11th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I told you to clean this room! you are not the future of rock!"
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 11th, 2003. (later) (link)

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 00:32 (twenty-one years ago)

DAMMIT

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 00:33 (twenty-one years ago)

DAMMIT
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 11th, 2003. (later) (link)

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 01:15 (twenty-one years ago)

gelt! big time gelt!

even indie gelt would be fine!

-- s1utsky (parrisactava...), November 11th, 2003 10:47 PM. (later)

― bnw (bnw), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 03:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Funny on many levels:

Dan citing Green Velvet in this context is kinda like saying that you're good at foreplay and then submitting your massive four-foot dildo as evidence.

-- Tim Finney (tfinne...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 05:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Blount the Constitution guarantees of freedom from things like your last post
-- J0hn Darn1elle

― typo acapulco (gcannon), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 05:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I listened to Thriller today and "The Girl Is Mine" is seriously fucked up. I'd be able to submit to the fact that Thriller is a classic if that song wasn't on there. I can't tell whether the use of the word "doggone" or that rising keyboard hook that comes right before it weirds me out more.

That said the Millar Momus Science Explosion should totally cover it.

Momus: "I'm afraid she's mine, Millar."
Millar: "STOP STARING AT MY GIRLFRIEND I KILL YOU"
both: "the doggone girl is mine...."

-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), November 10th, 2003 6:46 PM. (Anthony Miccio)

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 06:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS IT SHOCKING OR SURPRISING THAT ALEX IS BEING OBSTINATE AND STUBBORN IN THE FACE OF ALL CONTRADICTORY EVIDENCE???

Also, I cordially invite Fletrejet to fuck off.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 10th, 2003.

(I'm sorry, this makes me look like a bitch but the way he phrased this was totally hysterical)

haha also where is that last post from, I'm emailing it to him :D

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

It's from the "'The Girl Is Mine' vs 'Ebony And Ivory'" thread on ILM.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

ned I'm pretty sure I've told you this story!
-- cinniblount

-----------------------------------

cuz you were all "I suppose if you added their ages together I've done a sixteen year old" (jk)
-- cinniblount

― erico b. rakimington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah geeta but your ethnic background is a former british colony! that means you got, like, trickle down new wave approval
-- goato mountington (dubplatestyl...), November 10th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 16:25 (twenty-one years ago)

"Woo hoo Santa's list
It's really great
Yeah Yeah Yeah
I'm a fucking teabag"
-- Lynskey (pau...), November 11th, 2003 7:05 AM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 16:27 (twenty-one years ago)

from the 'st anger' thread on ilm:

''I KNOW the drum sound sucks and I KNOW it's all ProTools''

ProTools doesn't automatically mean a lot of processing. Some peoples ideas of digital recording really are in the stone age.

Metal kids, eh?

-- Lynskey (pau...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

I heard it was done using Sound Recorder which is why non of the tracks are longer than 60 seconds.
-- Jarlr'mai (parker...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

Yeah, and there's that great bit between some of the tracks where you can hear the startup noise from Windows being caught on one of the drum mics.
-- Lynskey (pau...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

Oh and isn't Lars new found feel for dither shapes the equal if not better of his drumming style?
(Where the fuck am I going with this?)

-- Lynskey (pau...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

On Track 750 ("Rotating Lemons") at 0.34s I can distinctly hear a multiband compressor, sounds like a warez'd one as well. The effect is slightly ruined by the sound of James Hetfield recieving an ICQ message being picked up on a vocal mic.
-- Jarlr'mai (parker...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

It's amazing what those kids with computers can do nowadays. There's this amazing thing where you can like cut and paste a bit of audio and stuff and make all these wierd noises with MIDI.

DINOSAURS. YOU ARE ALL ALREADY DEAD, DEAD, DEAD IN THE COLD, COLD GROUND.
I mean, Jesus H fucking Shipman, how the bloody hell is this car crash of a species ever supposed to invent teleporters if they can't get their head around digital audio? There is an absolutely infinite sea of reality to explore out there people! (here's where. Teleportation, telepathy, time travel, dimensions as many as stars, astral projection, virtual realities, artificial realities, the God Zeus made real by a concoction of chance and magic, and here we are, HERE WE ARE in 2003 with not even a want to understand the simplicities of a ProTools M-box.

-- Lynskey (pau...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

but.... I like guitars....
-- Jarlr'mai (parker...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

thanks! now i can enjoy that thread without clicking on it!

― atomic horseradish (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 16:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I do these things so you don't have to.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 16:37 (twenty-one years ago)

i didnt know what a clitoris was until i was confronted with one
-- erico b. rakimington (dubplatestyl...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

really?
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 11th, 2003.

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in a dark alley.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 11th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 16:41 (twenty-one years ago)

alley.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

haha

― erico b. rakimington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

That wasn't funny, RJG :(

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 16:58 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah esp considering ally would have been like 11 then

― erico b. rakimington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

moderators, delete me

― erico b. rakimington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha!

Wait, eeew.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

This "crisis" in the Democratic party is a symptom of the simple fact that the Democratic party does NOT EXIST as a coherent entity, not that the US is filled with people who want to take your drugs away and lock up all the darkies.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 11th, 2003.

"ARE YOU BLIND!!!!!!! FOR GOD'S SAKE MAN, OPEN YOUR EYES!!!!!!!!!! THEY WANT TO RAPE OUR CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 11th, 2003.

(At 1 in the morning, I turn into Blount.)
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 11th, 2003.

Madness!
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 11th, 2003.

I am going to bed with a slight feeling of shame. And a hard-on.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 11th, 2003.

― Herbstmute (Wintermute), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 17:42 (twenty-one years ago)

That slight sense of shame is growing larger. So is... um, never mind.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 17:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Pure context:

162: people posting w/o reading

-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

189. People posting without having read the thread.

-- jel -- (freeduni...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

190. people hearing without listening

-- enrique (miltonpinsk...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

191. People posting without learning how to read.

-- Nicolars (nicolew1...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

192. CHOCO-TEATS

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 18:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm working at getting a reservation right now for one of the Boston hotels. I think Millar and I will be in appearance. BUT it'd have to be on the 22nd (Saturday) cos there's pretty much no way he could make it up here/I can get out of work/we can make it up there in time for a reasonable get together (considering Boston closes much earlier than NYC does and we'd have to find hotel/check in/bbq sauce/etc), unless we are being invited to an all-nite HOUSE PARTY AT DAN'S!!! So Saturday the 22nd, anyone? Cos it's like a done deal, we're in.

-- Allyzay (roadtrip...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

RAWK.

I don't think we have any BBQ sauce, tho.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

That's what room service is for!!

-- Allyzay (bourgousieh...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 18:49 (twenty-one years ago)

You posted too soon, Ned:

And I have some free bbq sauce i can offer you. But there is a catch...its involves peppercorns.

-- Chris B. Sure (formerlypoopsmcge...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The cruelest catch of all!
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 11th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 18:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Outfoxed again!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 18:55 (twenty-one years ago)

is it better for only children to date other only children or not, i wonder?

Well, no statutory rape charges in that case.

-- donut bitch (do...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

(ok, someone stop me from posting today.. i'm not off to a good start here)

-- donut bitch (do...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 19:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I blame fuck you fuck perry perry perry raggett raggett fuck FAP fuck window shouting fuck fuck pencil stencil fuck fuck HATECRIME! fucker fuck windmills of your norfolk top gear top geir homegro hongro fuck fuck dat jess mess stress (i digress) fuck bomb don't tom when you're the graham graham fuck pencils stencils shouting out of dom joly dom pass cars massive cars shouting shouting HATECRIME! Dada wadda gabba gabba HATECRIME! YOU'RE OLD, Bob Mould (+ fat, gay and fantastic) megamega megamanic megapanic perry perry perry raggett raggett MC Victim versus MC HATECRIME Cat Power flower power heckle heckle lobster mobster caffiene chickens in a victim of Skeletor! Dom pass vs MC Jess vs MC Passhole (OPRAH WHEELIE!) Troll n. coddled homegro gongro bongro several shades of killallcornyindiehongro OTM squirm squirm don't Cat Power when you're the fucking Rocket trigger freaky Scientist perry perry perry raggett raggett am i emo am i homo am i hongro pencil mental health stencil professional having my head kicked out of a car window fuck carruthers brothers teeny weeny itsy bitsy HATECRIME! cotton balls fuck is good for the goose magritte is good for the nabisgro "if _I_ was a Troll n. coddled Joly steppenperry aerocarey gareth gareth sermon on the blount fuxx Golden MC graham windmills fucker dada megamanic panic panic VICTIM / HATECRIME OPO TS Classic or OLD. REALLY FUCKING OLD.
/sarcasm

-- Lynskey (pau...), March 7th, 2003.

― Allyzaty, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:00 (twenty-one years ago)

omg

― erico b. rakimington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Which Underworld album is that on?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

dubno withmyheadington

― erico b. rakimington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

The one that doesn't suck (ie the one that doesn't exist).

― Nicolars (Nicole), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha I love that I went back to the thread and Ned made the EXACT SAME JOKE.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Two men, one brain.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Two men, one brain.
-- Nicolars

― erico b. rakimington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:05 (twenty-one years ago)

dubno withmyheadington is like the best combination of words I've read all day!!!

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:08 (twenty-one years ago)

"The Girl Is Mine" is moderately inoffensive whereas "Ebony And Ivory" must be a strong contender for the most appallingly cringe-worthy lyrics evah.

thinking of women as objects to be squabbled over rather than human beings who can choose their lovers v banal trivializing of racial oppression.

it's about even i think.

-- caroline (n...), November 11th, 2003. (later) (link)

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Clearly, in any situation where a woman has told two men who love her that she loves them both, if the men confront each other over it at any point it is yet another example of the patriarchy exercising its ability to oppress the uterus.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 11th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(The preceding text is the refrain to my Christmas single.)

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 11th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sounds a bit like "Happy Xmas (Woman is the Nigger of the World)"

-- Eric H. (ephende...), November 11th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Believe it or not, I sneeze when I eat some chocolate. This is NOT an allergy, it is QUALITY CONTROL as the vegelate bars do not affect me thus.
-- suzy (theartskooldisk...), August 9th, 2001.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Suzy, please dont post on my thread
-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), August 9th, 2001.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:17 (twenty-one years ago)

haha!!

― erico b. rakimington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:19 (twenty-one years ago)

CHOCOTEATZILLAS!!!!
-- erico b. rakimington (dubplatestyl...), November 11th, 2003.

― allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:26 (twenty-one years ago)

and a comedy writer.
-- erico b. rakimington (dubplatestyl...), November 11th, 2003. (dubplatestyle) (later)

― Nicolars (Nicole), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha I was going to post that too!

(I've had a lot of smarties today, I'm sorry)

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Two men, one brain.

I've heard of more unwieldy combinations.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:42 (twenty-one years ago)

jess u r on fire today, I have tears coming out of my eyes trying to stop myself from laughing out loud at work over this one:

where can i buy teddy boy suits
-- mike percival (percy41200...), November 11th, 2003.

Answers
at their picnic
-- erico b. rakimington (dubplatestyl...), November 11th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Jess is a good man.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd like to make out with a handful of melted chocolate.
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), November 11th, 2003.

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YOU SICK FUCK
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 11th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Coming soon: Ponderosa Steakhouse Buffet served off of Uncle Beauford's nekkid hairy beer gut.
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), November 11th, 2003.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Ally is the sophisticated city girl, Jess is the tomboy.
-- Nicolars

---------------------------------

Let's make lots of money.
-- Ned Raggett

― erico b. rakimington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I am making sushi now! Phil is broke...hmmmmm

-- Carey (flembac...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

It'll be just like the Material Girl video, except Phil is Madonna, her suitors are a posse of Verizon Wireless guys, and they're all pelted with raw fish, cooked rice, and seaweed,

-- donut bitch (do...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

where do i sign up?

-- phil-two (philtw...), November 11th, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:02 (twenty-one years ago)

sorry to do one from the same thread, but SHIT...

The only issue I'd raise is that they don't have males partaking in the "body-as-table" thing. Where is the love for the boy torso??
-- Jeanne Fury (jeannefur...), November 11th, 2003 4:06 PM. (Jeanne Fury)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

have you looked at our torsos recently?
-- erico b. rakimington (dubplatestyl...), November 11th, 2003 4:06 PM. (dubplatestyle)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

love can be built without scaffolding.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

that's no metaphor.
-- brutal (coze...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it isn't.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it isn't.
-- brutal (coze...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

love can be built without brains.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

metaphor?
-- brutal (coze...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

yes, brains does not really mean brains.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

she worked in tinderbox on byres road.
-- brutal (coze...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

worked really means worked?
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

not always but this time yes.
-- brutal (coze...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

what does she do, these days?
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

goes out with a boy name j4ck who made her a bmx fr her birthday. she ws in fr4nce bt came back for the launch of sub-city at the 4rches to see j4ck dj. she probably does other things too.
-- brutal (coze...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

speaks french.
-- brutal (coze...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

she sounds horrible.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

really, you know her?
-- brutal (coze...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

we have a mutual friend.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you and I.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 11th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:21 (twenty-one years ago)

cunnilingo alfredington
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 11th, 2003.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:27 (twenty-one years ago)

What about those weird bulbous fleshy things that hang from women's chests?

-- Pleasant Plains (acewhiske...), August 4th, 2003. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dan Perry's hands?

-- Lara (lara_byrn...), August 4th, 2003. (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:32 (twenty-one years ago)

that makes you sound more like a molester.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:35 (twenty-one years ago)

"more"???????

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Where do I sound like a molester to begin with????

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:37 (twenty-one years ago)

it doesn't make you sound like less of a one.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Even though it's my fault I completely abdicate responsibility for what happens to this thread from this point onwards.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 11th, 2003 1:25 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wear your scarlet letter dammit WEAR IT
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 11th, 2003 1:26 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_The Scarlet V_
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 11th, 2003 1:26 PM. (later)

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Every thread ever?

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.ilxor.com

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

ooh, you are a one.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

xposts completely destroyed that exchange

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:39 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah wtf

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:40 (twenty-one years ago)

let's kill ned and blame it on the molestor

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:40 (twenty-one years ago)

http://images.southparkstudios.com/img/content/characters/55a.gif

*sniff*

― I am a sad panda (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Damn you, Tracer Hand.

― allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:41 (twenty-one years ago)

ooh.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:42 (twenty-one years ago)

You stay out of this, you...architect.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:45 (twenty-one years ago)

RJG is not Donald Sutherland.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:48 (twenty-one years ago)

RJG is also not Not Donald Sutherland.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:49 (twenty-one years ago)

let's kill ned and blame it on the molestor

Hey!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:51 (twenty-one years ago)

oh.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 21:54 (twenty-one years ago)

HOW FUN LIFE WAS BEFORE SAMMY BIN LADEN WAS KNOWN
-- IDAWKINS

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 22:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Wouldn't it be better if 50 Cent actually dropped a 50 cent piece on Ja, because A) it's his name and B) It's heavier so it would probably hurt Ja more.
-- Matt Helgeson (mat...), November 12th, 2003 7:04 PM.

― atomic horseradish (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 12 November 2003 00:06 (twenty-one years ago)

oh yeah, totally. i mean, wasn't "A Walk in the Clouds" nothing but a remake of "Point Break", only with different hats?
-- Kingfish (jdsalmo...), October 15th, 2003.

― Girolamo Savonarola, Wednesday, 12 November 2003 05:48 (twenty-one years ago)

okay this is still one of my favorite posts ever:

OHMYGOD! That party was so awesome! Right before we arrived, I helped Lizzie dye her roots brown. She looked a little upset after hearing the results of her pap smear over her cell phone. I'm like, "Lizzie! Cottage cheese discharge is so not normal." and she was like, "WhatEVER!" while making the "W" sign with her thumbs and index fingers. That's Lizzie! She's sassy and I love her.
You know that Kim Cattrall movie in the 80s about the MANNEQUIN who would periodically come to life in front of Andrew McCarthy who would kiss her before she would turn back into a MANNEQUIN which would freak people out because ieewww he kissed a MANNEQUIN, that sick bastard? I think that movie was called Showroom Dummy. But anyway, few people know that it actually was a DOCUMENTARY about my friend PARIS HILTON. My favorite movie is Dirty Dancing, which is also a documentary, directed by LENI RIEFENSTAHL. I heart Leni Riefenstahl!

Oh, Catherine Saxton. That lovable childless spinster. Her escort, Marc Bouwer, was dressed that way in order to satisfy Catherine's kinky Don Johnson fetish. Later that night, they dry humped while listening to "You Belong to the City," while Cornelia watched and touched herself. Cornelia always has a halo of fire hovering over her head, which is totally creepy.

Did I tell you I got a new purse today? It is so cute! You can borrow it some time, but only if I can borrow those white shoes with the ribbons on them.

Chappy Morris seemed like a nice guy, and I think he might be one of those men who compete in those "World's Strongest Men" things. 'Cause he and Rick Hilton cornered me some time that evening, and Chappy suggested something about "pulling a train" later on.

I am so proud of Nicky for graduating from Junior High. She said she stuck it out because Vivid Video now has education requirements for its actresses. Vivid star Rena Sindi (Cum On Eileen, My Big Fat Greek Woody) was helping Nicky come up with an exciting new name for her on-screen persona. She suggested "Sandra Day O'Cummer" or "Harriet Beecher McFuckslut."

6/11 - the day that will live in infamy.

Look at my tits, damn you!

-- Jessica Meisels (jessicameisel...)

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 12 November 2003 05:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Why cant you take this seriously? Im being 4real. Bunch of damn dork, you are.
-- long time lurker (holypotat...), November 12th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

because we're 2 real 4 U, bitch-ass nigga
-- Vic (Iodine99...), November 12th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Speaking like yoda, you are
-- Ed (dal...), November 12th, 2003.

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Wednesday, 12 November 2003 14:15 (twenty-one years ago)

SHUT UP ABOUT COUNT CHOCULA
-- ethan (ethan...), April 16th, 2002.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 12 November 2003 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I will demonstrate until Ally comes to the UK. Right outside 10 Downing St. Maybe I'll even drive a truck into it. Or even better, a Transformer Truck Robot.
-- Citizen Kate (masonicboo...), November 12th, 2003 11:12 AM. (kate) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do you think Bush runs around at G8 summits screaming "stop starting threads about me Horace!"?
-- Huckleberry Mann (handsomishbo...), November 12th, 2003 11:15 AM. (Horace Mann) (later) (link)

― Jay Dee Sah Mon (Kingfish), Wednesday, 12 November 2003 16:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I like the idea of using ND as an 'Escape from New York' style holding ground for the Canadian unwanted. ALL! ARE! BANISH-ED!

Although the Brits did try that once, and now we have Australians...

-- Rob Bolton (i_like_my_vesp...), November 12th, 2003. (Rob Bolton) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 12 November 2003 16:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Ally I am totally not twee. I mean I have no stuffed animals and dislike hello kitty and was just listening to "thug holiday" by trick daddy and i mean.. christ you like a few teen movies and some pop and next thing you know.
-- Sterling Clover (s_clove...), November 11th, 2002.

― Jay Dee Sah Mon (Kingfish), Wednesday, 12 November 2003 16:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't like pants! First thing I'm doing when I get home tonight is creating a mix CD that entirely revolves around "Spice Up Your Life" though. I hope I
still have all the remixes of it!!! That's the best song ever!!

-- Allyzay (spiceu...), November 12th, 2003. (later)

First thing I'm doing when I get home tonight is creating a mix CD that entirely revolves around "Spice Up Your Life" though.

*gareth face*

-- TOMBOT (helpm...), November 12th, 2003. (later)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 12 November 2003 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I liked this:

I used to have this social studies teacher who had this huge spice rack in his classroom, and like without fail every single day, he'd suddenly pull them out, along with his tuna fish sandwich, and then spice up his sandwich, yelling, "Back in the day, spices were traded. Like GOLD. Spices were like GOLD!" Like every fucking day, wtf? He also made us watch his knee surgery which was gross but he was always vaguely out of it which made it much easier for me and a rotating cast of dumb male friends to throw ourselves to the ground and crawl out of the classroom, humming the theme to Mission Impossible.
Still, the spice thing, wtf? Like GOLD? More like he just wanted to eat his fucking sandwich. It was gross, like he couldn't wait the 20 minutes til the end of class?

-- Allyzay (highschoo...), November 12th, 2003. (later)

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 12 November 2003 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

"Ow...I fell on my keys!"

― Garth (nickalicious), Wednesday, 12 November 2003 19:45 (twenty-one years ago)

What is it with ILM? Did Dave Matthews molest you all as children?

If by "molest" you mean perform in front of, and by "children" you mean college students at frat parties, and by "you all" you mean my brother, then yes. Yes he did.

-- Sean Thomas (sean_g_thoma...), June 9th, 2003. (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 12 November 2003 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

"show us on the doll where dave matthews performed for you"

― Jay Dee Sah Mon (Kingfish), Wednesday, 12 November 2003 21:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Technotronic are better than snap !!!
-- triamaster@yakidk.com

well DUH
-- dave q

― typo acapulco (gcannon), Wednesday, 12 November 2003 21:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Technotronic wins !!! There are lots of hits as pump up the jam , get up, this beat is technotronic, rockin over the beat, move this, move that body, move it to the rhythm and and and. PLEASE WRITE ME !!! TECHNOTRONIC / YA KID K FANS!!! I have lots of pictures , mp3s mixes all!!! also check out www.yakidk.com and you will see does ya kid k exist. !!! She planed her come back...

-- thomas de (triablu...), November 12th, 2003 4:15 PM. (later)

Technotronic is so awful that even Dave Matthew wins a TS duel.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 12th, 2003 4:22 PM. (GeirHong) (later)

TECHNOTRONIC WINS !!!

-- triamaste... (triamaster@yakidk.com), November 12th, 2003 4:25 PM. (later)

― cinniblount (James Blount), Wednesday, 12 November 2003 21:35 (twenty-one years ago)

urine - classic or dud?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

well?
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), November 22nd, 2001 8:00 PM. (2 trackbacks)

Answers
man i drank a lotta coffee this morn.
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), November 22nd, 2001 8:00 PM.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 12 November 2003 21:47 (twenty-one years ago)

"It's dehumanizing to be treated as a plate."

It's hard to argue with them there. But see, now I'm curious. Maybe it's dehumanizing but also very "emplating"?

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 12th, 2003. (tracerhand) (later)

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Wednesday, 12 November 2003 22:35 (twenty-one years ago)

So I was having a fairly, uh, exploratory afternoon with my then girlfriend, and we'd been having a fine old time working out how best to masturbate, of the "what happens when I do this?" variety, when there is a knock at the door. Her father. Whom I had never before met.

"A*****l, are you coming down to dinner?" Cue frantic pulling on of clothes in a maelstrom of activity. The door starts to open and my girlfriend, showing great presence of mind leaps to intercept her father whilst I hop around out of view trying to get my jeans on. Somehow I was dressed in the time it took him to get into the room, he eyed me with suspicion.

"Dad, this is the guy I was telling you about, Matt."

"Pleased to meet you Matt" he said, extending his hand, leaving me with no choice but to give the father of my girlfriend a manly handshake with the hand which had five mintues previously been exploring his daughter's vagina. Eep.

-- Matt (Mat...), November 12th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 12 November 2003 23:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Your subject header had six question marks at the end, but your message only four. Which one more accurately represents you desire to have your query answered?
-- DJ Mencap (....com), November 12th, 2003 2:57 PM. (later)

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Thursday, 13 November 2003 00:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Dean, you are a total clone of JON WILLIAMS:

evidence:
"one two three four!" vs. "one two three" vs "one two three four [mumble and count more] 13 MONSTERS! 13 MONSTERS!"

-- gygax! (gygax0...), November 13th, 2003. (tracklink) (later) (link)

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gygax!, you are a total clone of my balls.

thanks!

-- Dean Gulberry (drunken_bastar...), November 13th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 13 November 2003 00:25 (twenty-one years ago)

on the "what is the deal with all of the drunks" thread:

"This is the thread where I post that you're drunks and everyone else stands up and boos"
-- brian nemtusak (bnemtusa...), November 6th, 2003 11:06 PM.

― atomic horseradish (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 13 November 2003 04:33 (twenty-one years ago)

jesus herbert walker christ!
-- atomic horseradish (jod...), November 12th, 2003.

― M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 13 November 2003 04:46 (twenty-one years ago)

sometimes I wish I had just gone to technical school. theres no shame in being an electrician, despite my parents thoughts. SOmebodies got to do the work with the hands. we cant all be creative director of Elle.

-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), November 13th, 2003

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Thursday, 13 November 2003 06:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't wait to walk in on my kids having sex when I'm pushing fifty or something. I'll tell them they're doing it all wrong. "THAT GOES IN THE BUTT, STUPID" "DID YOU LICK IT FIRST?" etc.

-- Millar (tmilla...), April 13th, 2003 2:52 PM. (Millar) (link)

― Jay Dee Sah Mon (Kingfish), Thursday, 13 November 2003 06:11 (twenty-one years ago)

piercings lady says to tongue man " You put that little pink minke whale in my sweet -hole and it will come out as eviscerated as Walter Mondale in a turbofuck blender form the year 4000"

-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), November 13th, 2003.

― Vic (Vic), Thursday, 13 November 2003 06:37 (twenty-one years ago)

OK, not ILx, but whatever:

and i liked how the machines decided to get all creative with their interface with humans. (though its sorta borrowed from the mummy)

i think this is about how it went:

machines: we're going to need to communicate with this neo guy, how you wanna do it?

machine 2: text, definitely text

other machines: hell no bro, that's weak. lets make a big giant spikey head that levitates, and it's face will be dynamic formation of a fleet of centinals. and lets make its voice boom too!

machines: ok, sure. text is boring anyways.

― Girolamo Savonarola, Thursday, 13 November 2003 08:35 (twenty-one years ago)

from ILM

thread title: A kick-azz mixtape

Levellers-One Way
Rotterdam Termination Source-Poing!
Garth Brooks-Friends In Low Places
Ian van Dahl-Castles In the Sky
Joe Strummer And The Mescaleros-Techno D-Day
Madonna-American Life
10cc-Dreadlock Holiday
Republica-Ready To Go
Beat Happening-Christmas
REO Speedwagon-Time For Me To Fly
Wyclef Jean-Gone Till November
Air Supply-Two Less Lonely People In The World
69 Boyz-Tootsie Roll
Shut Up And Dance-Raving I'm Raving
Dixie Chicks-Goodbye Earl
Compulsion-The Answer To Why I Hate You

-- Antmusic78 (bergenrai...), November 13th, 2003 9:08 PM. (Antmusic78)

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 13 November 2003 09:02 (twenty-one years ago)

think of how it would depress the world if they discovered that the cure for cancer was to eat puppies and kittens twice a week. that would be great! eat puppies, stay cancer-free-proven by science!!!

-- Emilymv (emilyventer...), November 13th, 2003. (later) (link)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 13 November 2003 14:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I did think that as I read it, but it says somewhere that Mamoiselle Belle's N is a bouncer ... It's not likely is it?
-- Anna (Fieldingann...), November 13th, 2003. (Anna) (later)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Not unless he got the part of the dog in Neighbours.
-- Tim (hopkinsti...), November 13th, 2003. (Tim) (later)

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Thursday, 13 November 2003 14:36 (twenty-one years ago)

From Emily's "Back Spasm" thread:

Emily this is the curse placed upon you by "walking Michael" and his "powers"!

-- Dale the Titled (cpre...), November 13th, 2003.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Thursday, 13 November 2003 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, that post is SOOOOO much funnier when you've actually met walking Michael!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 November 2003 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

We demand more information.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 13 November 2003 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

This Week Is Technotronic !!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi Everybody ! This Week Is Technotronic :)
-- triamaste... (triamaster@yakidk.com), November 13th, 2003 2:23 PM. (triamaster@yakidk.com)

Answers

it may be a Technotronic week but it's a 49ers year
-- stevem (bluesk...), November 13th, 2003 2:25 PM. (blueski)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 November 2003 19:30 (twenty-one years ago)

We demand more information.

"Walking Michael" is a semi-homeless, semi-intelligible Lexingtonian who, well...maybe Emily could explain Walking Michael better than I.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 November 2003 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I agree Tim. As well he was alot better when he wasnt with Engels and Engels wife
Btw - i feel very similar about Freud. ( ie as a tool)
-- anthony (anthonyeasto...), August 14th, 2001.

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Yeah, when I think Freud I think "tool" too.
-- Josh (kortbei...), August 14th, 2001.

― Broheems (diamond), Thursday, 13 November 2003 22:00 (twenty-one years ago)

during the arguments about ILF vs ILE threads:
--
this reminds me alot of the current bcs debate
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 13th, 2003 4:43 PM. (James Blount) (later) (link)

― Jay Dee Sah Mon (Kingfish), Thursday, 13 November 2003 22:05 (twenty-one years ago)

blame fuck you fuck perry perry perry raggett raggett fuck FAP fuck window shouting fuck fuck pencil stencil fuck fuck HATECRIME! fucker fuck windmills of your norfolk top gear top geir homegro hongro fuck fuck dat jess mess stress (i digress) fuck bomb don't tom when you're the graham graham fuck pencils stencils shouting out of dom joly dom pass cars massive cars shouting shouting HATECRIME! Dada wadda gabba gabba HATECRIME! YOU'RE OLD, Bob Mould (+ fat, gay and fantastic) megamega megamanic megapanic perry perry perry raggett raggett MC Victim versus MC HATECRIME Cat Power flower power heckle heckle lobster mobster caffiene chickens in a victim of Skeletor! Dom pass vs MC Jess vs MC Passhole (OPRAH WHEELIE!) Troll n. coddled homegro gongro bongro several shades of killallcornyindiehongro OTM squirm squirm don't Cat Power when you're the fucking Rocket trigger freaky Scientist perry perry perry raggett raggett am i emo am i homo am i hongro pencil mental health stencil professional having my head kicked out of a car window fuck carruthers brothers teeny weeny itsy bitsy HATECRIME! cotton balls fuck is good for the goose magritte is good for the nabisgro "if _I_ was a Troll n. coddled Joly steppenperry aerocarey gareth gareth sermon on the blount fuxx Golden MC graham windmills fucker dada megamanic panic panic VICTIM / HATECRIME OPO TS Classic or OLD. REALLY FUCKING OLD.
/sarcasm
-- Lynskey (pau...), March 7th, 2003.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 13 November 2003 22:15 (twenty-one years ago)

So is this getting posted once a week from now on?

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Thursday, 13 November 2003 22:17 (twenty-one years ago)

It's THAT funny!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 13 November 2003 22:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought it deserved a second airing. It's up there with Momus, Suzy and Gareth Zoolander as my favourite post ever.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 13 November 2003 22:19 (twenty-one years ago)

That is one of the greats.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Thursday, 13 November 2003 22:24 (twenty-one years ago)

The Smiths were generally overrated. Their way of songwriting just didn't work, as they didn't pay close enough attention to melodic qualities. Morrissey's lyrics and Marr's guitar improvisations became too important, which led to repetitive songs, over repetitive chord patterns.
Then, along came Stone Roses, and UK indie was saviored.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 13th, 2003. (later)

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 13 November 2003 23:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks. Now I hate my favourite band.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Thursday, 13 November 2003 23:29 (twenty-one years ago)

why aren't these same people protesting human rights and breaking up human boxing matches?
-- JaXoN (jaso...), November 13th, 2003. (JasonD) (later)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------Because they're too busy eating they're own parents and sharing beds with leprechauns and fire barn willowtree yardsale NME hatstand teeth leopard Britney lice.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), November 13th, 2003. (Nick Southall) (later)
----------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't know where that came from, thank fuck.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), November 13th, 2003. (Nick Southall) (later)

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Thursday, 13 November 2003 23:51 (twenty-one years ago)

hideous mugshot! is this wynona judd or boy george?

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Friday, 14 November 2003 01:31 (twenty-one years ago)

http://images.thesun.co.uk/picture/0,,2003520963,00.gif

-- Alex in NYC

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 14 November 2003 01:40 (twenty-one years ago)

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