"All your taste is in your mouth. EXCELSIOR!"

xpost

These threads that are called things like "I love you but I have chosen EXCELSIOR!"

I would have EXCELSIORS with all this ILXORs

president clit-on
-- cousin larry bundgee (bge...), November 14th, 2006 3:41 PM. (bundgee)

I would also submit a new recurrent thread called "That's Outrageous!"

-- Beth S. (blanke...) (webmail), November 14th, 2006 9:25 PM. (Ex Leon) (link)

Achy Sacred Heart

-- ONIMO ph34rz teh NOIZE (gerry.wat...) (webmail), November 14th, 2006 9:27 PM. (GerryNemo) (link)

9. cannot accept offer of free beer because hands already full of boobs

-- stoked for the madness (crucial.bonu...), November 14th, 2006.

-- A-ron Hubbard (Hurtingch...), November 14th, 2006.

I WOULD HAVE SEX WITH ALL THIS WHITE GIRLS

"“Boo!” Forest Whitaker says in The Last King of Scotland, the newest boogie man movie. This one purports to have a historical basis, showing how the late Ugandan dictator Idi Amin, charmed a gullible white medical student (James McAvoy) into being his personal physician and advisor. But the result is still another scary black man stereotype. How did Samuel L. Jackson let this role get away?

Whitaker’s Idi goes peek-a-boo when he organizes several servants to pose as body doubles in an attempt to foil any potential assassins. This ruse inadvertently points to the film industry’s multiplicity of black screen effigies who are either junkies, thieves, convicts, murders, rapists, liars, philanderers, etc. By scaring the daylights out of his white sidekick, Whitaker’s showcase comes off as little more than a super Training Day: King Kong Idi Amin."

-- milo z (wooderso...) (webmail), November 14th, 2006 11:07 PM. (mlp) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

lfam, u r a GURL??!?!?!?
-- the eunuchs, Cassim and Mustafa, who guarded Abdur Ali's harem (dr.carl.saga...), July 30th, 2006. (orion) (link)

no, i was just borrowing michael s jackson's quote
that would be a mindfuck wouldn't it

-- a name means a lot just by itself (lfamula...), July 30th, 2006. (lfam) (link)

if ned raggett was a gurl

-- a name means a lot just by itself (lfamula...), July 30th, 2006. (lfam) (link)

http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/juxtaposition.jpg

-- Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki.tim...), July 30th, 2006. (chaki) (link)

12 Ways To Crush Your Own Testicles In Your Own Home

Made me lol at work.

Jacking off to pics of yr friends.

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MY JOKE WAS FUNNIER (only i spelt it wrong)

even with the right schpelling i'd still not understand it. :-(

-- Nathalie (dotdotdo...), November 15th, 2006.

He tried to say the same thing as me, but mistyped every single character.

-- teh_kit (kittenslikemil...), November 15th, 2006.

-- mark grout (mark.grou...), November 15th, 2006 8:43 AM. (mark grout) (later)

i don't know who they are, unless they are the band the ramones who people keep talking about.

-- The Lex (alex.macpherso...), November 15th, 2006 8:48 AM. (The Lex) (later)

lex wins.

I remember the DAY of the Bronco chase I saw some movie in a theater and there was a preview for a Naked Gun movie and OJ & Drebin were getting out of a white Bronco-ish vehicle in the movie and I yelled "DON'T GET OUT OF TEH CAR OJ!" and the theater laughed. Other than the birth of my son, probably the proudest moment of my life. Which I guess is a pretty sad life.
-- stoked for the madness (crucial.bonu...), November 15th, 2006 9:43 AM. (later)

------------

im sorry nickalicious your story doesnt check out
the white bronco chase was june 17 1994

naked gun 33 1/3 was released march 18 1994

i rest my case

-- and what (an...), November 15th, 2006 9:47 AM. (later)

---------------------------

It was a midnight movie of an older flick, all the previews were outdated.
-- stoked for the madness (crucial.bonu...), November 15th, 2006 9:49 AM. (later)

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OK, that's good because I was going to argue that the Bronco chase didn't begin until approx. 9:30 pm Eastern Time, so assuming you were in Lexington, that was a late movie.

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), November 15th, 2006 9:53 AM. (later)

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If it was a midnight flick, you must aquit
-- BrianB (spacemen...), November 15th, 2006 9:53 AM. (later)

-- bernard snowy (andrew.bryso...), November 9th, 2006. (later)

it is a band, from Canada

-- gbx (polarbea...), November 9th, 2006. (later)

dummy

-- gbx (polarbea...), November 9th, 2006. (later)

http://technology.guardian.co.uk/games/story/0,,1947550,00.html

"Apparently it's OK to be a sports buff , a movie buff , or a food buff ... but being a games buff still somehow offends society. People prepared to conduct tedious 15-hour analytical conversations about football or Kieslowski or the best place to find balsamic vinegar will have the audacity to call you a nerd for mentioning anything more obscure than Grand Theft Auto. Well, fuck your snobbery."

-- Koogy Yonderboy (il...), November 16th, 2006 1:00 AM. (koogs) (later)

Is he writing that from the POV of someone in 1996?

-- teh_kit (kittenslikemil...), November 16th, 2006 1:05 AM. (g-kit) (later)

Yes. Charlie Brooker's.

-- Brian Emo (noodle_vagu...), November 16th, 2006 2:09 AM. (noodle vague) (later)

-- Dr. Alicia D. Titsovich (evi...), November 15th, 2006. (sexyDancer) (later)

-- mark grout (mark.grou...), Yesterday. (mark grout) (later)

This thread has been locked by an administrator

Teeny, I love you!

this could be because I can talk to them in my underwear with nuttella all over my face.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), August 3rd, 2004.

ew.

ooooooh yeeeeah.

makes perfect sense to me

have yu heard of the faculty of abrac?

Jazz: ain't it supposed to upend all those, er, Euro ideas of "melody" and "improvising" and all that? You know...

-- edd s hurt (eddshur...), November 17th, 2006.

No.

-- A-ron Hubbard (Hurtingchie...), November 17th, 2006.

-- pabs (pabloalphons...), Today. (later)

Young Einstein
-- Dave B (dave.boyl...) (webmail), Today 3:01 PM. (daveb) (later)

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Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?
-- wordy rappaport (estiebuttez...) (webmail), Today 3:02 PM. (EstieButtez1) (later)

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HE WAS PLAYING AN ELECTRIC VIOLIN IN THE BATH!!
-- wordy rappaport

but, especially these two posts right away (edited slightly for roffles):

-- aesthetically pleasing, in other words 'fly' (fluxion2...) (webmail), November 16th, 2006 7:50 PM. (kenan) (later) (link)
Do not make fuck to rectangular prism until it cracks, gently stroke it on rug.
-- Abbott (igotabeefpastr...) (webmail), November 16th, 2006 7:54 PM. (Abbott) (later) (link)

but, especially these two posts right away (edited slightly for roffles):

http://www.marco.org/images/ikeapeople.png
-- aesthetically pleasing, in other words 'fly' (fluxion2...) (webmail), November 16th, 2006 7:50 PM. (kenan) (later) (link)

Do not make fuck to rectangular prism until it cracks, gently stroke it on rug.
-- Abbott (igotabeefpastr...) (webmail), November 16th, 2006 7:54 PM. (Abbott) (later) (link)

-- bo janglin (wt...) (webmail), Today 3:34 PM. (dubplatestyle) (later) (link)

ilm: i keep getting older, it stays the same age

-- bo janglin (wt...) (webmail), Today 3:35 PM. (dubplatestyle) (later) (link)

-- Wrinklecause for Applause! (wrinklepaw...), November 17th, 2006. (Wrinklepaws)

-- Fritz Wollner (fritzwollner5...), November 14th, 2006.

Squirrel, how do you account for the fact that most of the countries that outperform us educationally rely primarily on public schools?

-- A-ron Hubbard (Hurtingchie...), September 20th, 2006.

A-Ron, how do you account for the fact that you are
a congenital idiot?

-- Squirrel_Police (goblinatri...), November 18th, 2006.

It took you two months to come up with that?

-- A-ron Hubbard (Hurtingchie...), November 18th, 2006.

Actually, I love ILX but I know that love will never
be reciprocated. It's actually an outgrowh of my love
of New York City. I've spent time in Boston but it
only whetted my hunger for NYC. I can't wait for
the day when I will be able to live in the capital
of the world.

-- Squirrel_Police (goblinatri...), November 18th, 2006.

"you're alright larusso"

-- j blount, January 25th, 2006 4:06 PM. (papa la bas) (link)

Answers

fucking zabka man

-- j blount, January 25th, 2006 4:06 PM. (papa la bas) (link)

i think my tears would be undercut by my knowledge of the beginning of II, that bloody hand showdown.

-- Zwan, January 25th, 2006 4:08 PM. (miccio) (link)

haha i thought i started this thread 2 or 3 years ago before i clicked on it

-- cancer prone fat guy, January 25th, 2006 4:10 PM. (dubplatestyle) (link)

i choked up a little bit during an alien ant farm song tongiht, man, so maybe it's going around

-- cancer prone fat guy, January 25th, 2006 4:11 PM. (dubplatestyle) (link)

i mean uh

-- cancer prone fat guy, January 25th, 2006 4:12 PM. (dubplatestyle) (link)

shit

-- cancer prone fat guy, January 25th, 2006 4:12 PM. (dubplatestyle) (link)

-- Squirrel_Police, November 17th, 2006 5:12 PM. (Squirrel_Police) (link)

HEY SHUT THE HELL UP ASSHOLE
DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN ENORMOUS ASSHOLE FROM BITCHVILLE
YOU DUMB PIECE OF BUTT
EAT SHIT AND DIE COCK SCOOPER
ARREST *THIS* SQUIRREL POLICE COPPERS

-- ath, November 17th, 2006 5:24 PM. (ath) (link)

Oscar alert

-- StanM (Stan10...), November 18th, 2006. (StanM)

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(unless there's a movie about disability or abuse, obv.)
-- StanM (Stan10...), November 18th, 2006. (StanM)

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maybe in this version janis will have palsy or something
-- Amateur(ist) (amateurist@gmail.com), November 18th, 2006.

-- Mr. Que (pela...), November 10th, 2006.

(xxp: rofl @ "douche planet")

me, circa 1994:
http://posthus.naestved-gym.dk/historie/pompeii/priapus.jpg

-- grimly fiendish (simonmai...), November 19th, 2006. (grimlord)

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uh
-- hstencil (hstenc!...), November 19th, 2006

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Midge Ure should've used that line.
-- 2 american 4 u (n...) (webmail), Today 1:31 PM. (later) (link)

-- It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (austin.swinbur...), November 20th, 2006 6:06 PM. (Austin, Still) (later)

(I laughed out loud so hard that my boss actually asked me if I was OK.)

Dude, I'm management now; it's what we do.

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), Today 8:09 AM. (nabisco) (link)

-- stoked for the madness (crucial.bonu...), November 20th, 2006. (later)

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now you know how we feel
-- songs and ballads of the bituminous miners (mikeoptin...), November 20th, 2006.

-- Marissa Rackley (gunswillkillyo...) (webmail), Saturday 12:53 AM. (1 trackback) (link)

Answers

Marissa Rackley, combining my 2 favorite things in one name

-- jergins (jergin...) (webmail), Saturday 5:25 PM. (jergins) (link)

Yeah, that doesn't mean anything, either.

-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 3:35 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (later)

http://www.imagedonkey.com/out.php/i432_shockeyshocked.gif

-- Allyzay Eisenschefter (allyza...), November 20th, 2006 3:36 PM. (allyzay) (later)

haha I knew someone would have trouble handling that Seinfeldian observational comedy.
-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 6:36 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

Sometimes racists are probably against specific types of culture, not race.
-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 6:49 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

I think Richards was just trying to hurt these people's feelings. If he instead said, "Hahahah, laugh it up you ignorant fucks!" that wouldn't be racist, right? But, would anyone call the hecklers racist if they responded, "Shut up, you god damn cracker! Get off the stage, white boy! You suck!" Probably not, right?
If you call someone a redneck, you're lumping him in with a steretype that is intented to hurt him. Not racist, but cultural. Half the people who call people the N-word in places like NY or LA are talking specifically about selfish, loud, angry, belligerent, macho assholes. From what little we see here, it sounds as if these hecklers have been acting like selfish, loud, angry, belligerent, macho assholes long enough to make him flip out.

-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 7:03 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

People do funny things when they're put on the spot.
-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 7:06 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

He probably said it because subconsciously he was trying to give an egomaniac a bit of an inferiority complex.
-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 7:09 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

What the fucking hell? Are you brain-damaged or something? Did you watch the video? He said a hell of a lot more than just that!

See, this is what I don't get. Is your experience so limited that you've never seen non-racist people behave this way? I know a guy from Texas who loves black people to death. When that racial transmogrifier was posted on ILX I put his picture through it and sent it to him. He said his dream of finally becoming a black man had come true. Etc. Yet, he will say some of the most racial shit you ever heard right to a black man's face and they will laugh together. He's a blues musician and I'd say 70% of his music is by black artists. But, that doesn't stop him from making chicken jokes while he watches a video of James Brown sweating his ass off.

-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 7:15 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

ps calling a white guy a cracker is not equivalent to calling a black guy a nigger

Is there some reason that cracker is not a racist term in your mind?

-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 7:30 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

The history of race relations in America makes cracker not nearly as powerful as nigger.

I guess that's why everybody calls each other nigga as a term of endearment and nobody calls each other cracker.

-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 7:34 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

Yeah,[cracker's] so freaking common I've in fact never heard it in NYC.
-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 7:36 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

I've seen white kids calling each other nigga every day for the last 7 years, but I've never once seen a black man call another black man cracker.
-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 7:37 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

The stupidity on this thread is seriously mind-boggling.

Fuckin' cracker.

-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 7:40 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

i've seen photos of whites gathered around black male youths hanging from trees but never seen photos of blacks gathered around white male youth hanging from trees. why are blacks so racist???

jblount, may I call you zztop? Please explain to me the relevance of yesteryear.

-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 7:44 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

So, the current must be even more alive [than history], yes?
-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 7:46 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

If some non-caucasian angrily calls me a cracker, I'm naturally going to be offended. But, I suppose, I should just take a moment and think about history and feel good about myself, is that it?
-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 7:52 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

jblount & Maria D on cracker: "You don't have the right to such an emotional response based on history! It's the science of racism!"
-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 7:55 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

but you can't pretend there's any context in which cracker is a deeply bigoted and offensive term without being either disengenous or ignorant.
Stupid fuck, it's all about intent. It is used specifically to be a deeply bigoted and offensive term.

-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 8:01 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

I couldn't see how a white would be offended by "cracker" unless they were some cousin-fucker from West Virginia.

Let's say you're on the subway and you walk past someone who pushes you forcefully and says, "Fuck off me, cracker." Would you laugh?

-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 8:05 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

My girlfriend works in Harlem. Apparently, a lot of white people are moving in and the rents are going up, so some of the people who've been there for years are resentful of all white people. She regularly tells me stories of being asked, "How you like it up here, whitey?" and being assaulted on the bus, etc. Cracker and whitey are the terms used. I'm pretty sure it's not a nice joke. And I'm quite sure it makes her feel bad!
-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 8:09 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

Yeah, I dunno, I've been told that fuckin' white people got some fuckin' nerve and that I was lucky he didn't take me off the train with him. Would that have been worse if he added "CRACKER!" to the end? Eh.

Proving context is an issue. Thank you!

-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 8:11 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

I've never been called a cracker as far as I can remember.
-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 8:29 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

Would most of you guys PLEASE STOP BEING TROLLS?
-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 20th, 2006 9:10 PM. (Uri Frendimein) (link)

-- grimly fiendish (simonmai...), November 20th, 2006. (grimlord)

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I actually used to know Johnny Borrell a bit about ten years ago, he was a decent enough young guy back then. Razorlight are shit though.
-- chap who would dare to welcome our new stingray masters (joe.goode...), November 20th, 2006. (chap)

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YOUR ELOQUENT TESTIMONY HAS SAVED HIS LIFE.
-- grimly fiendish (simonmai...), November 21st, 2006.

Are you white?

Should I be?

Back to roffles plz.

there's always at least one going on, i'm learning that much.

-- mark s (mar...), November 20th, 2006. (later)

-- kingfish prætor (jdsalmo...) (webmail), November 20th, 2006 5:57 PM. (kingfish 2.0) (later) (link)

Those wry expressions of disdain make me want to break that bill over my knee.

-- Hoosteen (merlindude0...) (webmail), November 20th, 2006 5:58 PM. (Hoosteen) (later) (link)

Magret de canard!! Mmmmmm.

-- M. White (boeldie...) (webmail), November 20th, 2006 6:02 PM. (Miguelito) (later) (link)

-- edward o (edwardo...), November 17th, 2006 3:54 PM. (edwardo) (later)

you ate the final egg and now your breath smells like gg? oh dear

-- electric sound of jim [and why not] (electricsoun...), November 17th, 2006 3:55 PM. (electricsound) (later)

tidy your room, write thoughtful cards to your loved ones, lie down quietly under a warm blanket, and wait.

-- estela (estelaisale...), November 17th, 2006 3:58 PM. (estela) (later)

This is what Garfield looked like in my dream; there are some skyscrapers and a two-lane street for size comparison.

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f86/igotabeefpastry/ohthehumanity.gif

-- Bobby Ganush (joh...), November 21st, 2006.

Bobby, a bunch of people thinking you're an idiot is not fascism. It's reality.

Mullygrubbr's kid Bryn's comic = the greatest work of art ever

-- dan bunnybrain (bunnybrai...), November 20th, 2006.

-- researching ur life (goforgrad...), November 7th, 2006. (grady)

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That is the worst euphemism I have ever read in my whole life.
-- Haikunym (zinogu...), November 7th, 2006.

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Applebees will be the first to go, crackers.
-- mahalo 4 ur kokua (goforgrad...), November 21st, 2006

-- The Android Cat (djperr...), November 17th, 2006. (later)

I saw "Pi" as the second-half of a double-header with Baseketball. The one night in high school nobody could locate weed...

-- milo z (wooderso...), November 20th, 2006. (later)

the trailer looks like highlander + bicentennial man, but without robots or Queen.

-- scott seward (skotro...), November 20th, 2006. (later)

Finesse.

I've been sitting here for 60 seconds and I still can't think of a second thing

-- Feargal Hixxy (lackofinteres...), November 21st, 2006.

xpost

-- parsley, sage francis, rosemary, and thyme (wt...), November 20th, 2006. (dubplatestyle) (later)

-- StanM (Stan10...), November 21st, 2006 1:04 PM. (StanM) (later)

-- bham (bha...), November 21st, 2006. (bham) (later)

-- Eppy (epp...) (webmail), November 21st, 2006. (link)

-- the bellefox (pinefo...), November 21st, 2006. (the pinefox)

they are terrible so you might like them.

-- jed_ (colin_o_har...), November 21st, 2006. (jed)

sorry that was mean but they are spectacularly awful and you probably will like them.

xpost to myself

-- jed_ (colin_o_har...), November 21st, 2006.

-- M. White (boeldie...), November 21st, 2006 5:59 PM. (Miguelito) (later)

-- Allyzay Eisenschefter Pop You To The Extreme (allyza...), November 21st, 2006. (later)

so my people can be free

-- anticon jemima (an...), November 21st, 2006. (later)

they are terrible so you might like them.
-- jed_ (colin_o_har...), November 21st, 2006.

This snap has probably appeared 1.3 million times on ILM, but I sniggered anyway.

-- stoked for the madness (crucial.bonu...), November 21st, 2006. (nickalicious)

that's your stock answer to everything

-- lk (lawrence_kansa...), November 21st, 2006. (

-- A-ron Hubbard (Hurtingchie...), Today 2:46 AM. (Hurting) (later)

-- Rumpsy Pumpsy (rumpie7...), November 21st, 2006 10:31 AM. (Rumpie)

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This is what it tastes like...when doves cry.
-- Lars and Jagger (nicole.kessle...), November 23rd, 2005 2:21 PM. (Ex Leon

Elsewhere, Emsk goes over the edge:

---

oh fuck i nearly just answered the phone "hello, ilx"

-- emsk (vomit.quif...), November 22nd, 2006. (later)

ha, i can never tell when people are LYING or not. matt dc always lies. i've never heard of matchbox either though.

-- The Lex (alex.macpherso...),

Tilly and the Wall

Fourty five in a row for no fucking reason? GAH STOP.

-- Trayce (spamspanke...), November 22nd, 2006. (trayce)
http://img517.imageshack.us/img517/6280/invisiblesandwich3dz.jpg
-- gear (speed.to.roa...), November 22nd, 2006. (gear)

HANG UP YOU POXY FULE

-- 2 american 4 u (n...), November 22nd, 2006

-- sinshine (fluxion2...), November 22nd, 2006.

I have no idea if this is sarcasm or not.

-- C J (CJ_The_Unrul...), November 22nd, 2006 2:53 PM. (C J)

Track numbers are bourgeois.
-- Dan Barramouss (takeyourmedicinelikeacham...), November 23rd, 2006. (jimnaseum) (later)

Not a complaint, as I do prefer listening to an album's songs in alphabetical order.
-- Telephonething (ryanhup...), November 23rd, 2006. (Telephonething) (later)