At what age would you ideally like to have children?

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Assuming you want them at all, that is.

― S. Wood, Friday, 15 October 2004 10:28 (twenty-one years ago)

i was thinking about this and i decided that 28 was the best age.

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Friday, 15 October 2004 10:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Last year. Studies have shown that kids are happiest when their dad was 30 when they were born.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 10:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Two years ago

― Dataismus (Dada), Friday, 15 October 2004 10:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Hmm. I'm not approaching the situation where I'm ready to have kids. I suspect maybe in 7 or 8 years time? 37, 38?

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 15 October 2004 10:36 (twenty-one years ago)

(same study found that while 30 was the optimum, it tailed off quite gradually after that, but with fathers any younger than that, the decline was quite steep)

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 10:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I think next year which will mean i'll be 29.

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Friday, 15 October 2004 10:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I've just turned 40 and my girlfriend is pregnant. Although I'm terribly excited about becoming a father, I really wish I'd done it years ago. I'm going to be 60 when he/she's 20. And the fertility problems have been a fucking nightmare. Female fertility declines vertiginously after 34/35. Sperm counts decline too. I know plenty of couples my age who haven't been able to conceive, or, like us, only managed after a lot of time and almost couple-destroying anxiety.

― anonymous soon to be dad, Friday, 15 October 2004 10:49 (twenty-one years ago)

30.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 15 October 2004 10:50 (twenty-one years ago)

9 years to go! woooo!

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 15 October 2004 10:50 (twenty-one years ago)

33 ish i recon is cool. What is most important is that you are ready for it.

― lukey (Lukey G), Friday, 15 October 2004 10:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Anonymous soon to be dad - congratulations. Have you been with your gf for a long time? Would it have been possible or just hypothetically desirable to have done it years ago? I know that one shouldn't leave it too late, but it's hard to force the issue. "Wooo - scary man who wants kids ASAP - keep away! He's only after you for your eggs!"

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 10:57 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm not planning on having kids, but when i came along mom was 30 and dad was 33, which seems about right to me. (nb: my mom had my half-brother six years earlier.)

― Cynthia Nixon Now More Than Ever (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 15 October 2004 11:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Right now (25)

The only thing stopping me is my inability to get a decent sized home. One room ain't big enough for two never mind three.

My mind has wandered along the 'get pregnant so the council re-home me' route, but that throws up all kinds of problems of it's own.

Best bide our time and hope we either get re-homed soon or house prices in the area level out. Sigh - Mamas and Papas have a major sale on too.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Friday, 15 October 2004 11:01 (twenty-one years ago)

My mind has wandered along the 'get pregnant so the council re-home me' route, but that throws up all kinds of problems of it's own.
No rumpy, don't do it. Have you looked at schemes to help you buy somewhere?

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Friday, 15 October 2004 11:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Alba, I've been with my gf for a long time, it would have definitely been possible to have a child earlier. I think a lot of the reasons we put it off (me probably more than her, she was ready before I was)is that both of us are freelancers, and therefore have no real career structure or guaranteed income, and have a correspondingly messy lifestyle. So it was easy just to put things off until it was almost too late. Looking back now, there's simply no good time economically/lifestylewise to have kids and you can always find excuses to put it off, that's the trouble - you've just got to go ahead at some point.

― anonymous soon to be dad, Friday, 15 October 2004 11:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh right, yeah. It's harder when you don't have a gf!

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 11:08 (twenty-one years ago)

anon - are you a regular ilxor?

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Friday, 15 October 2004 11:13 (twenty-one years ago)

"You're a regular little ILXOr, aren't you?"

― Daddyismus (Dada), Friday, 15 October 2004 11:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Sort of, we don't have a right to buy our council house as we haven't been in it long enough, and the local housing initiative - Link have mostly sheltered homes to buy in our area.

We'll just need to bide our time and keep saving.

Conversely, if I'm putting of conceiving a child right now, will the one I have in a couple of years time be the same one I'm putting off just now? Hmm?

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Friday, 15 October 2004 11:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I do post under another name yes. I'm none too regular though. I'm one of the quiet ones no one notices.

― anon soon to be dad, Friday, 15 October 2004 11:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Given that I am 45 and have had a vasectomy, I don't see this as likely. I guess I would consider trying a reversal op if the situation arose that I was with a woman who really wanted a child, but given my age that's not a terribly likely scenario.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 15 October 2004 11:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah right, i see, well congrats to you & your lady!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Friday, 15 October 2004 11:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Trying right now, im 30 on monday and wifey is 29.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Friday, 15 October 2004 11:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Right now? I won't ask where your keyboard is balanced.

― Daddyismus (Dada), Friday, 15 October 2004 11:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Hahaha. Not at the exact minute.....tonight!

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Friday, 15 October 2004 11:49 (twenty-one years ago)

He'll be posting live coverage then too.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 15 October 2004 11:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Live progress updates at the least

― Daddyismus (Dada), Friday, 15 October 2004 11:54 (twenty-one years ago)

As I get older and hear about couples I have little respect for (or, in a better mood, nothing in common with) having kids, I feel terribly lonely, and something like "Jesus, it must be great, to be straight" runs through my head.

When it's a couple I like, where I can undertand why they have chosen one another, it's more of a tender feeling of "Oh, that's lovely for them," but mixed with self-pity.

Either way, this thread makes me sad.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 11:58 (twenty-one years ago)

And your friends start dropping sprogs with alarming regularity the older you get - fecund bastards

― Daddyismus (Dada), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:00 (twenty-one years ago)

"fecund bastards" becomes ilx meme in 5-4-3-2...

― Cynthia Nixon Now More Than Ever (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:01 (twenty-one years ago)

32 i think. i want to be still young enough to find having a child amusing whilst hopefully become responsible enough through age to actually take care of one.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:02 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe i'll create a gang called "the fecund bastards" for the warriors party!

― Cynthia Nixon Now More Than Ever (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I am ambivalent (at best) towards having kids. I don't get along with children and have little if any mothering instincts, so this has always been one of those things that, if it passed through my head at all, would be: 'oh eventually.' But now, eventually seems scarily nearer than even like 5 years ago.

― sgs (sgs), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I think there comes an age where the regularity drops, unless your friends are remarkably fecund.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:03 (twenty-one years ago)

At the moment they're fecund as the proverbial bunny

― Daddyismus (Dada), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd like to have kids soon. Maybe by the time I'm 28 or 29.

― battlin' green eyeshades (Homosexual II), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Can't you say 31 or 32, just to make me feel better?

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Most people I know who are having kids now are over 30 but then most people I know are over 30 so that's no use to man nor beast

― Daddyismus (Dada), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:10 (twenty-one years ago)

When I think of friends of mine with kids I can't think of any male who was under 30 at the time - oh no, that's not true, but I'm not sure those were planned

― Daddyismus (Dada), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay Alba, anywhere from 29-32.

― battlin' green eyeshades (Homosexual II), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel like a freak. Maybe I shouldn't have answered this.

― sgs (sgs), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:12 (twenty-one years ago)

You're no freak, I can't stand the little bleeders either

― Daddyismus (Dada), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:13 (twenty-one years ago)

My sister had just had her first baby, aged 35. I am so happy that at least one of us has managed it. I am so happy about it. I didn't say on ILE before, just because ILE feels not the place for things like that sometimes. He's called Isaac, because she thought she'd never be able to have children.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:13 (twenty-one years ago)

why do you feel like a freak?

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:13 (twenty-one years ago)

My sisters and once discussed who would probably have a baby first, and they all decided it would be me... because I look 'like the type to get knocked up.'

― battlin' green eyeshades (Homosexual II), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:15 (twenty-one years ago)

i hope my sister will spawn soon. being an uncle sounds fun

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:15 (twenty-one years ago)

sgs, I feel the same way you do, I'm not really fond of kids.

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Sarah - don't feel like a freak. There are lots of people who aren't bothered about having kids. This one is about when people who do want kids want to have them, so obviously it's filled with people who want them.

See:

Children
Do you want children?
childlessness
Defend The Indefensible: Babies

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:17 (twenty-one years ago)

My family refuses to breed - we're dying out

― Daddyismus (Dada), Friday, 15 October 2004 12:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 54 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

My dad won, his brother refused to give up the record, and my father broke an acoustic guitar over his head so that he was wearing it for a necklace.

Some people's children etc.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, my wife is due in a month, and like I said on that other thread, I'm 30. 8 months ago I was freaked and unsure of my ability to be a father. Now I can't possibly imagine not having kids, I'm so excited and elated by the idea and ready, plus the kid kicking and moving around and jiving in utero at the sound of my voice is just so cool. I think honestly, that biology is strong stuff and when kids come you deal with them instinctually like everything else. It's true, there is no good time, might as well jump in and enjoy.

― mcd (mcd), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:13 (twenty-one years ago)

that picture disturbs me.

― Catty (Catty), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll have sex immediately!

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:13 (twenty-one years ago)

i thought this only happens in

http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Pressbox/2758/PPV/unfo03.jpg

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, my dad is a wrestling fan.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:17 (twenty-one years ago)

i bet my mum is too, actually.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:19 (twenty-one years ago)

ha ha Mark yr girls sure are cute. You are gonna have your hands FULL here in about 8 years ha ha.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean, not that you don't already, but, y'know, teenagers and whatnot.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't be the only person who doesn't really think about it, surely? I'm not averse to the idea although right now but I'm not exactly bursting to be a father either. Its doesn't prey on my mind anywhere near as much as, say, finding someone I want to spend the next however many years with.

The idea of me with little Matt DCs just feels bizarre though, now I think about it.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I like kids, but don't want any of my own.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Its doesn't prey on my mind anywhere near as much as, say, finding someone I want to spend the next however many years with.

Right, but when you do, it'll probably come up sooner or later, yes?

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe I'll change the habits of a lifetime and stop wanting to have kids. Does this ever happen?

Yes, once you have them.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:27 (twenty-one years ago)

If I have them, I will most likely adopt them.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyway, I hadn't really thought about it. The idea of not having kids seemed sort of attractive when I was younger, but I always assumed I would because that's what people do, and everyone else assumes you will as well.

My girlfriend really and emphatically does not want kids, and after I realized that I don't actually have to have kids, I'm cool with it. I'd much rather be with her than find someone else just because they want to have a baby.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Roxy is kind. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

It depends what age she's planning to adopt!

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:38 (twenty-one years ago)

She's adopting them when the two kids are 40 and 98, respectively.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Adopt an Ilxor?

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

It's the latest craze.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 15 October 2004 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I would adopt up to probably age 6 or 7? Maybe older. I just want them to be *my* kids, so I want them while they're still impressionable, but I won't demand a baby as there are so many non-infant kids out there that need moms or dads.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:00 (twenty-one years ago)

You are kind.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

It just makes sense.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I guess I would like to have them, but not yet. Being a young married, there is lots of pressure (and gossiping) from families on both sides. perhaps they need to take a look at our credit card statement. Plus, and it sounds corny, but both myself and Mrs adam. have some pretty serious ambitions yet to be fulfilled/destroyed before we even think about such a thing.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:48 (twenty-one years ago)

It doesn't sound corny. And I know certain portions of my family REALLY would like for me to have kids, but that's a horrible reason. I mean, I wouldn't let them pressure me to do other things I didn't want to do (like move somewhere, or quit one of my bands, etc.), so why something as huge as having kids?

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I did go thru a teary-eyed period of thinking about fatherhood (yes, even me) but I'm alright now, no progeny are springing from these here loins.

― Daddyismus (Dada), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Probably around 30, once I have finished my education to the level I think I need and have some money stashed away. My family and friends remind me not to wait too long because of re-occuring health problems, but I figure I can always adopt a baby if I can't have them anymore by the time I feel I am ready. But I guess time frame could change depending on hypothetical future partner's wishes. I would like a niece or nephew, but my brother isn't planning on getting married until his 40s due to his job restrictions. We're lucky our parents are understanding of this.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I know certain portions of my family REALLY would like for me to have kids

This type of pressure is utterly horrendous. Thankfully I don't experience it -- my parents have never once raised the issue with me at all except to say that they don't mind at all if I never have kids, while none of my relatives have even dropped implicit hints or the like.

There was a comment once on one of the marriage threads, from a married poster, that said that a wedding should be first and foremost for the two people involved, not for their families or anyone who 'expects' the wedding to be some way. I'd think that would be even more applicable to something as important as children in a relationship, marriage or not.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

that's very true in theory. unfortunately a lot of families don't actually act that way.

i'm lucky that my sister is married so the pressure to have kids is more on her than me. i found out a while ago that the women in my family go through menopause very early (i only have 10 more years!). my mom was not pleased to hear that i considered that good news, since i don't want kids.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Friday, 15 October 2004 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I want my sisters to start making babies so I can play with them and see what it's like for them being moms. Is that too much to ask? :-D They, of course, both wish the same thing on me. It's much more cool to be an Aunt.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 15 October 2004 15:13 (twenty-one years ago)

If I do, and I don't know if I do yet, then maybe in about ten years.

― Ally C (Ally C), Friday, 15 October 2004 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I know that invariably my skills as a parent will never add up to my brother's as an uncle. Imagined scenario:
6-year-old: Mom, can I get a tattoo?
Me: no.
child: But uncle Nathaniel has 7! And one of them is a dragon! And he lets me play X-box all the time.
Me: no.
child: I love him more.
me: I know.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 15 October 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

i feel like we should have done it a few years ago. but we couldn't afford them at the time, it would have been horrible and confined us and our child to a life of poverty. we are almost able to swing having a kid now, but now I'm not sure we want one.

― kyle (akmonday), Friday, 15 October 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

(oh, so, that meant when I was 30; I'm 32 now)

― kyle (akmonday), Friday, 15 October 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I was thinking about 33, which gives me 5 years. Last year it was 32, next year it'll be 34.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 15 October 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I just became a dad last month. I don't think I'd have been ready anytime before now.

― mike a, Friday, 15 October 2004 18:14 (twenty-one years ago)

How's that going, mike a?

― mcd (mcd), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

hey mike we need to hook up, I'm in st louis now.

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:21 (twenty-one years ago)

When we got married we said we would talk about it when we were 32. The mister turned 32 last month, I have two months to go. The conversation has accordingly been delayed until we're 35, mostly for the reasons that Adam gave up there.

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Going great. She's beautiful, happy, and doesn't fuss or cry excessively (at least not more than the average baby). Didn't think parenthood would make me this happy - I always thought of it as something to fear!

― mike a, Friday, 15 October 2004 18:47 (twenty-one years ago)

check your email, hepcat!

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:04 (twenty-one years ago)

WHEN I HAVE SPERM AGAIN

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Friday, 15 October 2004 20:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Ideally I would like to have all my children at age 18, because having them as infants is terrifically expensive and time-consuming.

― Aimless (Aimless), Friday, 15 October 2004 20:06 (twenty-one years ago)

No one picked me up on it, but a copy-pasting error was made above. I meant:

Also, for spice:

Children with friends - CLASSIC or DYSTOPIAN NIGHTMARE?

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 22:57 (twenty-one years ago)

We were married for six years before we had a child, when I was 38. Definitely didn't feel ready until then (much to my wife's growing frustration tho she's 4 yrs younger). Now my major regret is waiting too long, esp. since health issues have made another very unlikely.
I wouldn't presume to advise anyone on this most personal of issues...other than to suggest that it's possible to over-think this issue.

― lovebug starski (lovebug starski), Saturday, 16 October 2004 14:49 (twenty-one years ago)

whatever age I am when a woman I'm with decides to scream "I want your babies! Put your babies in me!" Since I'm guessing that won't happen before I'm a little more mature and financially secure, I'm not worried about that whole element.

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 16 October 2004 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

WHEN I HAVE SPERM AGAIN

Oh, I hope to not have sperm again. That would be surprising and bad.

― Smokin' funk by the boxes (kenan), Saturday, 16 October 2004 15:15 (twenty-one years ago)

"I want your babies! Put your babies in me!"

Anthony, when a man and a woman love each other very very much, the resultant process does not involve you putting babies in someone else.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 16 October 2004 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

that's not what ODB told me.

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 16 October 2004 16:36 (twenty-one years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.