-- Millar (tmilla...), August 23rd, 2003 4:09 PM. (later)

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), March 21st, 2003

The thread this comes from has both hilarity and erudition in equal amounts, I'd guess.

women be shopping!
- Blount.

just like in rand mcnally, where the hamburgers eat the people

-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...), August 24th, 2003. (later)

I have a handful of beans you might be interested in, Sundar.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), August 24th, 2003.

-- Aaron W (aaro...), August 21st, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

uhh, he's not black

-- s1utsky (parrisactava...), August 21st, 2003. (later) (link)

-- Tep (te...), August 25th, 2003. (later) (link)

This post didn't make me laff, but it made me happy. Tep this is your greatest work yet.

c'mon fax me that shit biyotch so I can fax it to the biyotches that are waiting for it so I can get the fuck out of here fax it FAX IT FAAAX IIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!
-- nickalicious (nza2342...) (webmail), August 25th, 2003. (later)

-- dave q (@@@@), August 25th, 2003.

From the Japanese cat names thread

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(just thinking of the last time in my life when it was prevalent)
-- amateurist (amateuris...), August 25th, 2003 4:47 PM. (amateurist)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think you mean "Rocket Man"
-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), August 25th, 2003 4:49 PM. (Horace Mann)

-- Tom (freakytrigge...), August 26th, 2003. (later) (link)

Answers

hey your sister did the same thing for me too
-- chaki (chak...), August 26th, 2003 4:13 AM. (chaki)

why stop at 'often'?
-- dave q (scrape10...), August 26th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ok i'm on it sterl!! i ph34r the interweb!! i am v.old!! new tricks!! dog!! :( :( :(
-- mark s (mar...), June 10th, 2003 6:07 PM. (mark s) (link) (admin) (81.6.216.239)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

mark there's so much dizzee in the location i pointed you to.
can you point anyone else there, sterling?!

-- toby (toby_ge...), June 10th, 2003 10:18 PM. (tsg20) (link) (admin) (195.92.168.173)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

actual can you repoint me there, i forgot where the pointing is?
-- mark s (mar...), June 10th, 2003 10:38 PM. (mark s) (link) (admin) (62.3.250.189)

secrets can't leave there

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), August 26th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(... as opposed to all those pleasant memories of puke which I dearly cherish.)
-- jewelly (jewelly123...), August 26th, 2003 4:23 PM. (later)

I've been reading the thread title as 'God loves Mormons Too!' and thought that was pretty magnanimous of the guy.
-- oops (don'temailmebitc...), August 27th, 2003 12:43 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I did the same thing! Only then I read "Lip Gloss" as "Calvinists," which isn't quite so reasonable.
-- Tep (te...), August 27th, 2003 12:46 PM.

-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), August 27th, 2003 9:17 AM. (coco)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Are you pregnant, mam?
-- Mark C (boyincorduro...), August 27th, 2003 9:35 AM. (Mark C)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm gonna slap you with a big pickle, Mark C!
-- Sarah McLUsky (x77tigersxu...), August 27th, 2003 9:53 AM. (coco)

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Sarah in randy tranny shocker!
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), August 27th, 2003 10:37 AM. (Dan Perry)

I've never met a mean one.

-- donut bitch (do...), August 26th, 2003.

-- ryan t hoffman (rthoffma...), August 27th, 2003.
I wouldn't so much say that it made me laugh, but it made me wonder why people around the world don't trust the American military more.

-- Joshua Houk on ILM... in the Creepiest Men of Music thread talking about ol' Mark E.

-- Orbit (cstarr...), August 25th, 2003 10:22 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

People would get confused and try to order a Magna Carta for lunch.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), August 25th, 2003 10:24 AM.

*tap break*

-- Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), August 27th, 2003 10:45 AM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)

Who else does this? My personal favorite quip, after an especially deep/resonant one: A Chuck D-in-"Bring the Noise"-style "BASS!"
(I figure as long as we're talking about workplace fartin'...)

-- Nate Patrin (natepatrin550...), August 28th, 2003.

who is the fag who is doing the detail cover shoots, cause they make all of the stars of the days look like frat boys, juvies or other lower class homoerotic
funbots

-- anthony easton (anthonyeasto...), August 28th, 2003.

only because it proves the point I made in the ironic racism thread about how fluid context can be on ilx.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mars is Heaven.
-- Tep (te...) (webmail), August 28th, 2003 12:00 PM. (ktepi) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oooh heaven is a place on Mars.
-- Ned Raggett

If he is into dance stuff, then Primal Scream's "Screamadelica" may be a step in the right direction for him.
However, I think that a 14YO is too young to be able to spot good music anyway, particularly if he is into non-music stuff like hip-hop, nu metal or other styles like those.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), August 29th, 2003 10:21 PM. (GeirHong)

deserving of its own thread as there is no one in either britain or america that has not seen it. myself, i believe the punx would have been much better off listening to that the theme music from the show itself. if jack klugman had taken them down some white label 12s of it, they would have been much happier.

-- gareth (garet...), October 2nd, 2001 5:00 PM. (link)

you could pan for gold in your toilet! or maybe you did already, and that's what explains the second comment
-- s1utsky (parrisactava...) (webmail), August 29th, 2003 11:09 PM. (slutsky) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

sorry for grossing everyone out
-- s1utsky (parrisactava...) (webmail), August 29th, 2003 11:09 PM. (slutsky) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"dammit, this is only fools shit!"
-- Trayce (trayc...) (webmail), August 29th, 2003 11:09 PM. (trayce) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

says the grizzled toilet prospector
-- s1utsky (parrisactava...) (webmail), August 29th, 2003 11:10 PM. (slutsky) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

there could be mini gold rushes every night at bars that had goldschlager specials!
-- s1utsky (parrisactava...) (webmail), August 29th, 2003 11:11 PM. (slutsky) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Drink a lot and do some crunches, you can shit gold nuggets.
-- miloauckerman (mlpowel...) (webmail), August 29th, 2003 11:11 PM. (miloauckerman) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stop prospecting those grizzled toilets!
-- Tep (te...)

(and I am *longing* to be on here again, fwiw)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I thought everyone alive was trying to get laid.
-- mookieproof (ole04...), August 28th, 2003 5:04 PM. (mookieproof) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

well of course I was implying that everyone was using friendster in order to facilitate the getting of laid.
-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), August 28th, 2003 5:08 PM. (spencermfi) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"chaki and his ilk"
-- chaki (chak...) (webmail), August 30th, 2003 9:19 PM. (chaki) (later) (link)

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I've always wanted to be ilk.
-- luna

its a salivation!

-- The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylure...), August 30th, 2003. (later)

-- gareth (garet...), August 31st, 2003 11:49 PM. (gareth)

On the other hand, all of this is subverted by the two missing punctuation marks in the thread title: the apostrophe, the most masculine of the in-sentence marks for its shape and the way it dangles over the letters which crouch below it; and the implied exclamation mark, the phallus of the imperative intensifier.

So, no, obviously.

-- Tep (te...) (webmail), August 31st, 2003 10:20 PM. (ktepi) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

perhaps not theologically, but hilariously
-- s1utsky (parrisactava...), August 31st, 2003 4:23 AM. (slutsky)

Especially the second half.

What a wank.
-- toraneko (torakonek...), August 31st, 2003. (later)

-- ethan

throwing the baby out with the bathwater isn't a good idea though.

i definitely identify as a feminist, i guess i am a cultural feminist. i used to have a lot stronger opinions about feminism but these days i am more about asking questions than giving answers. i might write something better on here when i'm less tired and distracted.

-- The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylure...), August 31st, 2003 7:38 AM. (lucylurex) (later)

Typical Scorpio!

-- Momus (nic...), August 31st, 2003 7:40 AM. (Momus) (later)

However many times a day Graham is getting his ass kicked at school, it isn't enough.

-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...)

and TEARS OF LAUGHTERS came!!!! : )

-- Helltime Producto (jostababy197...), September 1st, 2003

funny because i can't tell if this is serious or not...

Latter = kewl and to go, but currently somewhat limiting, getting-offwise.

-- mark s (mar...), August 24th, 2001.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mark and Worf, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

-- DG (rgreenfiel...), August 24th, 2001.

-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...), August 31st, 2003 3:31 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aw, you just want to know what I did with the finger.
...

(... the one I found on Decatur Street, folks.)

-- Tep (te...), September 1st, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

like that makes it any better.
-- gabbo giftington (dubplatestyl...), September 1st, 2003

-- Dadaismus (kc***), August 31st, 2003. (later)

(.................)

fuck production in the ass!

-- Julio Desouza (ju***), August 31st, 2003. (later)

0\/\/|\|/-\G3 kourtesy ov julio. I have been sniggering abt this all day.

men more impatient, shorter tempers? is this proven at all?
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), September 1st, 2003 12:41 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I SAID IS THIS PROVEN AT ALL, ANSWER ME
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), September 1st, 2003 12:42 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and it's full of eastern promise...
-- Dave Stelfox (destelfo...), September 1st, 2003 12:18 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ie it has sand in
-- Ricardo (boyofbadger...), September 1st, 2003 12:35 AM.

(am I the only one laughing lately? heh)

Some may look at me and think, "Ok, she's obviously got some street cred to her. She could blend in with a hip-hop and R&B loving crowd and wouldn't look totally out of place at a rap show." But you know what? I would feel utterly and completely lost in those sorts of places. I have no inner street cred to speak of. The homeys in the ghetto wouldn't exactly be down with me listening to Scritti Politti. I'm so out of this particular circle that I don't even know if that last sentence makes me sound like an even "whiter" person. I am essentially the Steve Martin character in the movie Bringing Down the House.

Point being, it could very well be possible to consider oneself unhip and totally not down with "it" (whatever "it" is) no matter what one's outward appearances may be. So if you have porcelain white skin and fine facial features, don't think that automatically makes you unhip or not "clued in" to the ways of the street, because I know for damn sure my OWN olive skin and big lips and Roman nose could not even BEGIN to give me an instant ticket to the World of the Ethnic Cool.

-- Just Deanna (deethe_downspamdown_lurke...), September 2nd, 2003.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

dee is grandpa simpson

-- gabbo giftington (dubplatestyl...), September 2nd, 2003.

Rock committed suicide after realizing it contained the band creed.
-- Emilymv (emilyventer...), September 2nd, 2003 1:25 PM. (Emilymv)

(context is everything...)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Arrr! I only drink me rum from a bonnie boy's bum!
-- Homoerotic Pirate, September 2nd, 2003 3:22 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SQUAWK! BONNY BOY'S BUM! SQUAWK!
-- Homoerotic Pirate Parrot, September 2nd, 2003 3:22 PM.

i hate this show and i've never even seen it! it just sounds like a bunch of "Boys in the Band" stereotypes, no?? one's a hairdresser and another one's an interior design expert, etc. gay guys as cute little pets/servants/culture know-it-alls. we've come a long way, baby!

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...) (webmail), September 2nd, 2003 10:22 AM. (tracerhand) (later) (link)

Tracer, to me, this show plays with the stereotypes: "Sure I know the part I'm playing, but I do it with a bit of a wink." Who better to poke fun at you, than you?

-- Nichole Graham (britbab...) (webmail), September 2nd, 2003 10:26 AM. (Nichole Graham) (later) (link)

sorry, wrong thread - racist/sexist/whatever jokes told "ironically"

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...) (webmail), September 2nd, 2003 10:28 AM. (tracerhand) (tracklink) (later) (link)

i hate this show and i've never even seen it! it just sounds like a bunch of "Boys in the Band" stereotypes, no?? one's a hairdresser and another one's an interior design expert, etc. gay guys as cute little pets/servants/culture know-it-alls. we've come a long way, baby!

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...) (webmail), September 2nd, 2003 10:22 AM. (tracerhand) (later) (link)

Tracer, to me, this show plays with the stereotypes: "Sure I know the part I'm playing, but I do it with a bit of a wink." Who better to poke fun at you, than you?

-- Nichole Graham (britbab...) (webmail), September 2nd, 2003 10:26 AM. (Nichole Graham) (later) (link)

sorry, wrong thread - racist/sexist/whatever jokes told "ironically"

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...) (webmail), September 2nd, 2003 10:28 AM. (tracerhand) (tracklink) (later) (link)

I neeeeed to hear her legendary take on "Cortez The Killer".
-- donut bitch (do...), September 2nd, 2003.

'I used to be with 'it'. Then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it', and what's 'it' seems weird and scary. You'll see, it'll happen to you too !!'

-- miloauckerman (mlpowel...), September 5th, 2003 2:04 AM. (miloauckerman) (later)

give it time.

-- gabbo giftington (dubplatestyl...), September 5th, 2003 2:04 AM. (dubplatestyle) (later)

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), September 2nd, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ott.

-- gabbo giftington (dubplatestyl...), September 2nd, 2003. (later) (link)

-- gareth (garet...), September 6th, 2003 10:10 AM. (gareth) (later) (link) (admin) (81.131.71.70)

(I wonder if I'm the only person who posts to this thread if and only if they really actually laugh out loud, not just if they think oh that's quite funny.)

-Jel

-- donut bitch (do...), September 6th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Where's that "ILX Out of Context" thread when you need it?
-- NA (emmaa...), September 5th, 2003 1:03 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In my PANTS.
-- Tep (te...), September 5th, 2003 1:04 AM.

(I laugh at the silliest things, honestly... I really did laugh heartily at this one)

how is this NOT the greatest thing ever?
-- gabbo giftington (dubplatestyl...), September 8th, 2003 11:00 AM. (dubplatestyle)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

because behind the mirth there is real tragedy here
-- stevem (bluesk...), September 8th, 2003 11:01 AM. (blueski)

-- Ally (mlescau...), September 8th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- RJG (r_gillander...), September 8th, 2003.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

define 'big ass hassle'.

1. Insert both hands into rectum.
2. Clap.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), September 8th, 2003. ------------------------------------------------------------------------

BEST XPOST EVAH

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), September 8th, 2003.

-- donut bitch (do...), September 9th, 2003 12:33 AM.

-- push up (pushu...) (webmail), September 9th, 2003 6:14 AM. (later) (link)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shut up and give me twenty yous.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), September 9th, 2003 7:22 AM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), September 9th, 2003. (later)

This makes me so incredibly happy.

why you guys try and sound all smart and smug all the time???
-- push up (pushu...)

-------------------------------------

Shut up and give me twenty yous.
-- Dan Perry

-- amateurist (amateuris...), September 10th, 2003

Why no love for Pras :(

-- Ally (mlescau...), September 10th, 2003 9:56 PM. (mlescaut)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

ally maybe hes going to be deans running mate!!

-- trife (...), September 10th, 2003 10:01 PM. (simon_tr)

-- trife (...)

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), September 9th, 2003. (later)

-- Ally (mlescau...), September 10th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), September 10th, 2003 2:13 PM. (Chris V)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can you sue your parents for abuse if you look too much like them and they're ugly?
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), September 10th, 2003 2:15 PM. (Dan Perry)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I shall call him Mini-Funkel.
-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), September 10th, 2003 2:16 PM. (Chris V)

-- Dan Perry (djperry@post.harvard.ed), September 10th, 2003 2:10 PM. (Dan Perry) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's not a Ramones song.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), September 10th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You didn't listen!

-- teeny (teen...), September 10th, 2003. (later) (link)

As a side note, neither of my two children have ever been laid.

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), September 9th, 2003

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I thought I was normal!
(another candidate for my memoirs title)

-- N. (nickdastoo...) (webmail), September 10th, 2003 7:44 AM. (nickdastoor) (later) (link)

-- JuliaA (loginnam...), September 11th, 2003. (later)

http://www.suprmchaos.com/garfunkels_091002.jpg

-- N. (nickdastoo...), September 11th, 2003. (later)

-dave q on the "worst magazine" thread

Hitler.

-- NA (emmaa...), September 11th, 2003. (later) (link)

[...]

"oooh, stop it hitler - that's so annoying..."
i think this may qualify as being a mild understatement

-- Dave Stelfox (destelfo...), September 11th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), September 11th, 2003 12:04 PM. (later)

oh and if luna doesn't make it again, we must all swear to never talk to her online ever, ever again
-- Vic (Iodine99...) (webmail), September 11th, 2003. (later)

Bite me.
-- luna (luna_cee...) (webmail), September 11th, 2003. (later)

we can talk about that in person, luna
-- Vic (Iodine99...) (webmail), September 11th, 2003. (later)

I have a magnetic poetry kit, but Jesus ... I've had to move it to five different refrigerators, and just got tired of pulling out each individual teeny weeny magnet and putting it on the fridge and making sure they don't overlap and fall off and ... etc.
My kitchen is no longer poetic :/

-- Tep (te...), September 12th, 2003 11:34 AM. (ktepi)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Awww :( Maybe you need a GIANT FRIDGE SIZED MAGNET to instantly pick all the other magnets up with, some kind of electric one that you can then switch off so all the mags drop into a box or something :D
-- Trayce (trayc...), September 12th, 2003 11:36 AM. (trayce)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Or perhaps just a GIANT POEM, so as to get with the cutting out of the middleman or what have you.
-- Matt (Mat...), September 12th, 2003 11:40 AM. (Matt)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HA HA!
PENIS!

-- Tep (te...), September 12th, 2003 11:43 AM. (ktepi)

teehee.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i can't even see mine
-- Dave Stelfox (destelfo...), September 12th, 2003 11:56 AM. (later)

Pieces of Flair!
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), September 12th, 2003 10:04 PM. (Dan Perry)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chuck Norris?
-- NA (emmaa...), September 12th, 2003 12:53 PM. (Nick A.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I won't ask where the batteries go.
-- C J (CJ_The_Unrul...), September 12th, 2003 9:59 AM. (later)

Really bad GYN story , scroll down to the bottom of incident #1.

-- teeny ( teeny@bust.com ), September 12th, 2003 7:33 PM.

I can't imagine anyone looking at the name of that link and thinking, "Yay!"

-- NA ( emmaan@oohay.moc ), September 12th, 2003 7:36 PM.

-- geeta (geet...), March 7th, 2002.

If you loved someone wouldn't you, generally, not want to live a million miles from one another? I mean I can see some unusual circumstance cropping up that will prove this wrong, but in general how much can you love someone if you're willing to not see them for ages at a time?
-- Ally (mlescau...), March 31st, 2003 9:35 PM.

bang goes the sound of the head of the nail being struck
-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...), March 31st, 2003 9:39 PM.

I could be wrong!
-- Ally (mlescau...), March 31st, 2003 9:43 PM.

I've never seen one work. Never.
-- Millar (tmilla...), March 31st, 2003 9:49 PM.

I've got a bottle of Cran-Tangerine that's calling out "MIX ME YOUNG DANIEL!"

-- Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), September 13th, 2003 7:58 PM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)

Your bottle of Cran-Tangerine is older than you => best not

-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...) (webmail), September 13th, 2003 8:02 PM. (afarrell) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How do you know they didn't?
-- tokyo rosemary (rosemarygilber...), September 14th, 2003 11:19 AM. (rosemary) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

because the kinks are too cool to let the who have sex with them
-- Fritz Wollner (fritzwollner5...), September 14th, 2003 11:26 AM. (Fritz) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, maybe they got really really drunk one night and had lower standards.
-- tokyo rosemary (rosemarygilber...), September 14th, 2003 11:32 AM. (rosemary) (later)

-- Julio Desouza (juli...), September 12th, 2003 4:16 AM.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

you could eat it...
edible music mags = the next big thing

-- Dave Stelfox (destelfo...), September 12th, 2003 4:20 AM.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

the audience I write for currently can fucking eat me already

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), September 12th, 2003 4:24 AM.

Word on Elliot Easton. When I was 14 I tried playing the "Tonight She Comes" solo and couldn't masturbate for a week afterward, which is quite an ordeal any time, let alone at 14
-- dave q (scrape10...), September 15th, 2003. (later)

-- Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (christineindig...), September 15th, 2003. (later)

yeah but if they had a "good singer" on I Need Your Love it wouldn't be too far off regular house music.
-- Ronan (ronan....), September 15th, 2003 11:17 PM. (Ronan) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

...and what's wrong with that?
-- cis (blin...), September 15th, 2003 11:27 PM. (cis) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

come on who likes house music!
-- Ronan (ronan....), September 15th, 2003 11:32 PM. (Ronan) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You do, Ronan.
-- Nick Southall (auspi...), September 15th, 2003 11:39 PM. (Nick Southall) (later) (link)

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), September 15th, 2003.

(it's just the "you fatuous twerp" part that gets me - it sounds like something shredder would say).

I was about to say "I'll have what R. Kelly's having," but then I remembered the whole golden showers thing.

He's a fascinating individual.

-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), September 14th, 2003.

Reprise:
ANSWER THE PHONE MOTHERFUCKER! I swear to god, if I have to come over there and kick your ass, I will. I'm in the mood, and I'm wearing asskickin shoes! FUCK. ANSWER THE PHONE. Pick it up. I know you're there ANSWER IT. Jesus fuck. Okay, I'm NOT wearing asskicking shoes, but by christ, I could bludgeon you with these fucking heels. OH MY GOD, ANSWER THE GODDAMNED PHONE, YOU MUPPET FUCKER!

-- luna (luna_cee...) (webmail), September 15th, 2003. (later)

Who knew she could hear me, way over there?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You forgot the part where you piss in her mouth while someone films you, but otherwise OTM.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), September 15th, 2003 4:13 PM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...) (webmail), September 15th, 2003 10:35 PM. (Ronan) (later) (link)

I ate a green one once and was expecting lime and got JALAFUCKINGPENO in it's place. My mouth just about shat itself in the pants!
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), September 16th, 2003 11:16 AM. (later)

i am not a teacher, but my sister is...

-- CarsmileSteve (carsmilestev...), August 29th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ooh - she is gorgeous.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), August 29th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stop hitting on Steve's sistrah.
-- Pete (pb1...), August 29th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i wouldn't.
-- Julio Desouza (jdesouz...), July 25th, 2002.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's because you're inauthentic.
-- Colin Meeder (amisrau...), July 25th, 2002.

I treat the aiming like I'm driving a '67 Dodge Monaco: sometimes I'll use my hand, sometimes I'll be cool and just use one finger, and sometimes I'll put my hands behind my head and marvel at the self-centering.
-- Bryan (twp62y...) (webmail), September 18th, 2003 3:34 AM. (Bryan) (later) (link)

It's an iluuuuusion.

-- Kenan Hebert (edito...), September 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

Pretty much the whole thread.

Inspired by the 'memorable reviews' thread - an old NME one that went "Boy George has more soul in his little finger than Martin Fry has in his entire body" - and while I'm not a fan of CC (that HORRIBLE excuse for a chorus in "Karma Chameleon" tore it), I'd have to agree. Songs that were even worse than you remember? "That Was Then" made an unwelcome appearance and it went straight to the top of my personal list of Worst Songs Ever Recorded. Everything about it is just...wrong. Starting with his voice! Was "I am a punk etc." an excuse? (Also the way that crap saxophone enters whenever Fry runs out of words). As for 'Lexicon', why did he sound constipated and late for a train all the time? Oh I get it, it wasn't 'real' soul, as the stagy cover is supposed to 'let on', same with the 'cleverly' stolen song titles. I honestly think that the deification of this bleating empty souffle of second-hand signifiers ineptly assembled was due to reverse media provincialism. "Wow, people from Sheffield come up with clever transparent concepts too! We're so proud of them! See, look what these destitute peasants come up with when they're not fucking around with blips and bleeps and cement-mixer noises!" Strangely enough, the far superior (sonically at least) Def Leppard never got as much props! Then again, Joe Elliot can't sing either, and neither can Jarvis Cocker and neither could Joe Cocker either for that matter. Although if they could they wouldn't waste their comical pipes on tragicomic entryist desperation like "When Smokey Sings". What's so great about Smokey, Martin? He can sing better than you and write lyrics occasionally? OK Yorkshiremen defend your honour
-- dave q (scrape10...) (webmail), April 22nd, 2002.

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"Power up" is maybe the best birthday wish ever uttered by someone who wasn't jel.
-- Tep

Answers
According to the Bible, no, our deceased relatives do not see what we're doing, nor are they able to assist us in our travails.
-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...), September 17th, 2003

punk is for racists
-- trife (...), September 20th, 2003. (later)

says the guy who posts threads to "ALL MY ILM NIGGAZ"
-- Nate Patrin (natepatrin550...), September 20th, 2003. (later)
quoting raekwon is not racist
-- trife (...), September 20th, 2003. (later)

trife, justify yourself
-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...), September 20th, 2003. (later)

I just think it's cool that Raekwon's talkin' bout ILM yo.
-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...), September 20th, 2003. (later)

'Doesn't it kinda bother anyone that Blainey-boy is doing the same type of thing that people do when protesting horrific treatment/human rights violations/significant issues/etc and he's simply doing it to aid in maintaining his own obnoxious messiah complex?'

When the spectacle have assimilated strategies of resistance that worked in the past, it is time to move to fresher, efficacious ones.

-- Sébastien Chikara (sebastie...), September 17th, 2003. (later)

If he makes the 44 days, he'll be made mayor and get to make up exciting new laws.
-- jel -- (freeduni...), September 20th, 2003 5:24 PM. (jel) (later) (link)

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I'd like him to be mayor, he could make all the cars levitate.
-- jel -- (freeduni...), September 20th, 2003 5:27 PM. (jel) (later) (link)

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And, I'd like to hear his policy for chewing gum, though personally I favour an Irish style chewing gum tax.
-- jel -- (freeduni...), September 20th, 2003 5:34 PM. (jel) (later) (link)

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as Mayor, Blaine's first act will be to erect a 40ft statue of himself designed by Jeff Koons and made entirely from stickelbricks. it will reside in place of Nelson's Column and Trafalgar Square will subsequently be renamed The Ass-Hat Plaza. Blair's statue itself will feature an all seeing eye that revolves in a circle making sure everyone is behaving themselves and masturbating frequently (for this pleases the God-Blaine as he is now known). He will also command 23 freshly greased virgins to parade naked around the statue at noon each day whilst beating off ugly leches with sharp sticks and sacks of aniseed, bringing traffic to a standstill - a defiant two fingers to his predecessor's congestion charge scheme. Blaine himself will work in isolation in his office, house in the top half of Big Ben. he'll sit inside the enormous bell stroking his own hair, muttering about Hartlepool's chances of promotion and generally experiencing intense discomfort. when the clock strikes 12 and the bell rings he experiences 26 orgasms at once, much to the annoyance of Sting, looking down enviously from his chocolate galleon.
-- stevem (bluesk...), September 20th, 2003 6:17 PM. (blueski) (later) (link)

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actual serving sizes are always wack. this lil' bowl of butter I bought claims there's 80 servings in there. They should provide serving size FOR ORSON WELLES information.
-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), September 20th, 2003 2:53 PM. (Anthony Miccio) (later) (link)

-- jones (hobartarm...), September 21st, 2003 7:07 PM. (later)

-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), September 20th, 2003 3:53 PM. (mike) (later)

-- Tep (te...)

Saw it on the shelf, was interested, picked it up and opened to random page, saw a song described as "grabbing hold...and just doesn't let go!", closed book, put back on shelf. It was the 'just' that did it.
-- dave q (scrape10...), September 20th, 2003.

-- jones (hobartarm...), September 21st, 2003 3:40 PM. (actual) (later)

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(yet funky)
-- jones (hobartarm...), September 21st, 2003 3:41 PM. (actual) (later)

Eh I didn't like that, I wanted to hand out citations...Outside EdSuzyGareth house is the capital of boozing in the street.
-- Mary (maj23...), September 21st, 2003. (later)

-- Chris Piuma

Chris, I have a wheat intolerance, don't you have compassion?

-- Momus (nic...), September 21st, 2003. (Momus) (later)

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wow, you like hot hot heat, that is, like, so cool!
-- ... (charltonlid...), September 22nd, 2003 6:27 PM. (gareth) (later) (link)

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its like, i just went through your root directory, some of your pics are really quite hot, i dont know why you think you're averagey, i really dont, you should post more of them here. that one in the rapture t-shirt is really nice, in a kind of kooky way, are you in a band?
-- ... (charltonlid...), September 22nd, 2003 6:28 PM. (gareth) (later) (link)

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), September 22nd, 2003.

Having a conversation with yourself C/D?
-- Mr Noodles (infinitecow...), September 22nd, 2003.

Is that what you call it, Noodles? A bit of a strained euphemism, but it works, I guess.
-- Mark C (boyincorduro...), September 22nd, 2003.

yeah i guess every 'or how about when you... !!' conversation eventually draws in the guy with the story no one can relate to
-- trife (...), September 23rd, 2003.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), September 23rd, 2003.

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ive never managed to get it all the way to my face.
-- Bob Shaw (bob_001...), September 23rd, 2003 3:36 AM. (later)

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it's all in the delivery.
(x-post, sort of)

-- Dave M. (pton_mwaa...), September 23rd, 2003 4:23 AM. (later)

-- the pinefox (pinefo...), September 22nd, 2003 8:53 PM. (later)

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), September 23rd, 2003 6:31 AM. (vassifer) (later) (link)

slabs on a roof, you murderer.
- RJG.

-- colin s barrow (colinsbarro...), September 24th, 2003.

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:-0
-- minna (girl_thursda...), September 24th, 2003.

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HI I HAVE A SMALL PENIS.
... yeah, yer right, it doesnt work.

-- Trayce (trayc...), September 24th, 2003.

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ha ha trayce has a small penis
-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), September 24th, 2003.

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...and it doesn't work!!!
-- colin s barrow (colinsbarro...), September 24th, 2003.

-- donut bitch (do...), September 24th, 2003. (later)

(It's all down to beautiful, beautiful context.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I like how you preface that question with "Joke."
-- teeny (teen...) (webmail), September 23rd, 2003 9:17 AM. (teeny) (later) (link)

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Thank you. It's not often that I get complimented on my prefaces.
-- P.J.Harvey-Nicks

If you can't write English properly then you're literally fucked.

-- Alfie (alfi...) (webmail), September 24th, 2003 8:56 AM. (Alfie) (later) (link)

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rite on!! oooh that feels gud
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...) (webmail), September 24th, 2003 9:14 AM. (tracerhand) (later) (link)

He didn't die, though.

-- adaml (formerlynordicskill...), September 23rd, 2003.

Answers
HI I AM THE AMAZING RANDY
-- Amazing Randy (amazing.rand...), September 24th, 2003 9:25 AM. (later) (link)

(like omg when worlds collide!)

Was he telling the story of how he single-handedly tore down the Berlin Wall?
-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...) (webmail), September 24th, 2003 8:23 AM. (Oops) (later) (link)

It can be called Evil Version of Gosford Park Movie.
-- s1utsky (parrisactava...), September 23rd, 2003 7:37 AM.

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Tell that to your hair.
-- Ally (mlescau...), September 23rd, 2003 7:53 AM. (mlescaut)

read it like a generalized investegation into the nature of the rocket as a way of sketching a prehistory of the "hot" period of the cold war.
alt. as a set of symbol systems (zodiac tarot jungian etc.) mapped onto one another and an investigation into the moralism of ways of knowing and meaning.

-- Sterling Clover (s_clove...), September 25th, 2003 5:24 AM. (later)

Also, didn't he date Fiona Apple?

-- Ally (mlescau...), September 18th, 2003 12:39 PM. (later)

David Blaine should rip Toby's cock off show it to some women in harlem and then re-attach it.

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), September 25th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), September 25th, 2003 10:29 AM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)

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Who's there?
-- Ally (mlescau...), September 25th, 2003 12:44 PM. (mlescaut) (later) (link)

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Knock.
-- Momus (nic...), September 25th, 2003 12:44 PM. (Momus) (later) (link)

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Knock who?
-- Ally (mlescau...), September 25th, 2003 12:44 PM. (mlescaut) (later) (link)

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Knock knock.
-- Momus (nic...), September 25th, 2003 12:45 PM. (Momus) (later) (link)

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GENIUS
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), September 25th, 2003 12:45 PM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)

"Thank you for rushing Ima Kra Kho, the premier sorority at The University Of Life!"

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), September 25th, 2003. (later)"

and

I'd be all, "Shouldn't you be dead, then?"

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), September 25th, 2003. (later)

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I hate this man with all my heart and soul and that might be making me harsher on his style but, for real, wtf, does no one own a nice black or dark grey or blue suit anymore? Oh wait, EVERYONE ELSE IN MY OFFICE DOES. Jesus god. He is like a big gay southern PIMP is what he looks like, he just needs a fucking feathered hat.
(he's really big and gay and southern in case anyone was wondering where that came from)

-- Ally (mlescau...), September 25th, 2003. (later)

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So, NA, don't buy a suit that looks like that.
-- Ally (mlescau...), September 25th, 2003. (later)

(FYI while TSS is kind of boring and something one can watch, like, once, it is nowhere near Amelie in terms of being "twee-est film ever". For one, Richard Farnsworth does not drive around the entire film with an expression on his face that makes him look like he got beat with a frying pan wielded by Belle & Fucking Sebastian)

-- Ally (mlescau...), September 25th, 2003 2:20 PM. (mlescaut)

I laughed out loud. I copied and pasted. I'm sorry.

what about decircumsisation? can you just write a letter for that too?
-- s1utsky (parrisactava...), September 25th, 2003 2:55 PM. (later)

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if you kept it in a jar you can tack it back on with silly putty
-- Bob Shaw (bob_001...), September 25th, 2003 3:17 PM. (later)

-- NA (emmaa...), September 25th, 2003. (Nick A.) (later)

one of them sings for Radiohead, the other for Sigur Ros.

-- Kingfish (jdsalmo...), September 25th, 2003. (Kingfish) (later)

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it's like a nightmare!! "i want to slip some change into my,..... AAAAAGGGGH"
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), September 25th, 2003 3:47 PM. (tracerhand)

It doesn't once you finish it! I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, though.

--Clown Sex Woman, Real Sex

-- Ally (mlescau...), September 25th, 2003. (later) (link)

In other "Dan is losing his shit" threads:
what shall i do

Cuz that only makes them cooler
-- Sonny A. (newaddres...), September 26th, 2003 11:51 AM.

Because I'm not funny. And neither are you.

-- NA. (emmaa...), May 27th, 2003 12:31 PM.

That Skull guy doesn't really fit in with all those Eyeballs in The Residents
-- Dadaismus

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HOPE MY SONG HELPS YOURS PROBLEM
-- Amazing Randy (amazing.rand...), September 26th, 2003 11:29 AM. (later) (link)

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I seem to have completely lost my shit.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), September 26th, 2003 11:32 AM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)

The third has as his primary picture of what look like a man's gentials after being surgically removed from the body. He describes himself as a body-modification activist and surgeon.

Actually, this isn't creepy either, insofar as I don't think this guy is gunning for my balls and is probably not a horrible human being at all, it's just the picture and the idea is so ooky that it makes me not want to look at my bookmarks ever again.
-- Michael Daddino (epicharmu...), September 27th, 2003 9:17 PM.

link please
-- A Girl Named Sam (dallasdeadgir...), September 27th, 2003 10:50 PM.

-- dave225 (adspac...), July 18th, 2003.

in light of Dave225's list I am changing all ten of my favorite bands and the amended list is as follows:

1. Little River Band
2. Little River Band
3. Little River Band
4. Little River Band
5. Little River Band
6. Little River Band
7. Little River Band
8. Little River Band
9. Little River Band
10. KRS-One

-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...), July 18th, 2003.

Good, I won't get him mixed up with Robert Plant ever again.
-- Pete (pb1...), September 26th, 2003. (later)

-- ScottRC (scottrc8...), September 28th, 2003 4:05 AM. (ScottRC) (later)

kenan the red sox haven't won it in nearly a hundred years. there was an hbo 'documentary' on it.
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), September 28th, 2003.

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the reason for this is boston is filled with assholes (acc. to the hbo documentary)(or at least I think that's what "narrated by ben affleck" implied)
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), September 28th, 2003.

fair andrew you could become ILM's fashion correspondent.
-- Julio Desouza (juli...), September 26th, 2003 5:40 AM.

Clown pants are out this season
-- Andrew Thames (cleanbridge...), September 26th, 2003 5:56 AM.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), September 27th, 2003 2:18 PM. (nickdastoor) (later)

and starbucks, for acting as a 'broker' of sorts for you to meet up with fellow music fanatics

-- carmen (carmenrocc...), September 27th, 2003 11:08 PM. (carmen) (later)

And Starbucks.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), September 28th, 2003 10:12 AM. (nickdastoor) (later)

-- Dave Stelfox (destelfo...), September 28th, 2003. (later)

careful dave, they'll hit you with a vulcan nerve grip

-- stevem (bluesk...), September 28th, 2003. (later)

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I have to adjourn now, preparing for a 3000 km drive tomorrow. More later in the week, perhaps.
-- Momus (nic...) (webmail), September 28th, 2003 7:53 PM.

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yeah whatever momus.
-- Julio Desouza (juli...) (webmail), September 28th, 2003 7:55 PM.

Hard to explain, that.

-- mark p (m*****...), January 21st, 2003.

He laughs at Lightning Bolt. He says it sounds like the dishwasher.

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), September 29th, 2003 12:19 PM. (later)

This totally makes me want to have kids so I can just play them indie rock all day and wait until they say cute things and then make a book of it, kind of an indie rock "Kids Say the Darndest Things." (preemptive comment: "Hey, wouldn't that be considered child abuse?" Ha.)

Hopefully these numbers will increase with the continued success of Friendster and Nerve etc.

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), September 29th, 2003. (spencermfi) (later)

i dont know it makes my heart sing, i am twee and emo, tweemo.

-- anthony easton (anthonyeasto...)

Anthony's post brought me grate joy until I realized that he wasn't talking about boogers

-- Curt1s Stephens (sevenxvii...)

thats not how you pronounce colonel
-- trife (...), September 30th, 2003 8:04 PM

I seem to have completely lost my shit.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), September 26th, 2003. (later)

Try the fecal lost-and-found. I think it's down the same hall The Amazing Randy just came from.
-- nickalicious (nza2342...) (webmail), September 26th, 2003. (later)

anyone seen it going on very noisily in the toilets? or is that just me?
-- Bob Shaw (bob_001...) (webmail), September 30th, 2003. (later)

Bob, dude, stop getting busy in the toilets.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), September 30th, 2003. (later)

-- luna (luna_cee...), September 30th, 2003 3:46 PM. (luna.c)

(I'm sorry but that's really a great line)

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), September 30th, 2003.

nicks response:

Did you get to ride into the ceremony on a unicorn?

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), September 30th, 2003.

She targeting teenagers!

Teenagers are so influencial.... this is disgusting!

She is absolutely a horrible role model! She is an advocate of physical abuse! (jumping off stage and assaulting "teen" agers)
and the arguement, that people dislike her because she's a woman, and not a man- is laughable! If a man had jumped off stage and physically assaulted teenagers... I seriously believed he would have been carted off to jail!

Which leads me into "another" arguement that is Pro-Courtney... "the media misrepresents her" or "she is just misunderstood" - If anything, "I" am insulted the media "played" down the physical assault! That is a travesty!

Regardless.... I am in opposition to anything that glamourizes Courtney Love's behaviour!
I am currently organzing both protests, and boycotts against her new label "virgin" - As well as any producers/sponsors who are helping to glamourize her behaviour!

If you'd like to help you can do so by creating your own Anti-Courtney websites, or forums! You also may voice your opinion of Courtney on her website at Hole.com (soapbox, kittyradio) Thanks and Have a Great Day!

-- woundedbutterfly (anticourtne...), October 1st, 2003 1:51 PM. (later)

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I think it's beard envy.
-- Nick (nickdastoo...), July 20th, 2001 8:00 PM. (link)

http://www.canalcine.net/imagenes/zoolander-1.JPG

...because that is clearly suzy, gareth and Momus

-- Ally (mlescau...), October 1st, 2003 5:45 PM. (later)

This is the greatest post ever made on ILE. Fact.

It'd be like How High and they'd smoke these magical blunts that made them, rather than smart this time, electable. Then on the night of the big debates they'd run out of cheeba and have to do it for real oh no!
-- nickalicious (nza2342...) (webmail), October 1st, 2003. (later)

-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...)

Why don't you just come out and say it, you mean Mad TV.

-- NA (emmaa...)

-- The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylure...), October 2nd, 2003. (lucylurex) (later)

Haha, you said "Christ"!

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), October 2nd, 2003. (Tuomas) (later)

even before opening this I knew it would be an Ally thread

-- Vic (Iodine99...), October 2nd, 2003. (later)

Yeah that's what they all say dave!

-- Pinkpanther (pinkpanther4...), October 2nd, 2003. (later)

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SEE! IT'S STARTED ALREADY!
-- Matt DC (runmd...), October 2nd, 2003.

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He's being saying that since 1978.
-- Ally C (allycook9...), October 2nd, 2003.

That's your own damn fault.
-- Ally (mlescau...) (webmail), October 2nd, 2003. (later)

-- nate detritus (n***p*****550...)

then his larynx was crushed.

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...)

this must be some kind of sailor thing.

-- DV (dirtyvica...), January 13th, 2003 11:44 AM. (dirtyvicar) (link)

-- gabbo giftington (dubplatestyl...), September 19th, 2003 3:17 PM.

Bastard.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 3rd, 2003.

i remember the first time I heard Nick Drake...not his music, just the words, "Nick" and "Drake" placed back-to-back. It was one of those moments one does not forget. I overheard the name "Nick Drake" murmured by a fellow passenger on the monorail, he spoke in the hushed tones of a wounded elk. Upon hearing the name, I immediately felt a wave of delicious sorry-for-myselfosity trickle down my spine. It reminded me of that sorry day, when I was 11 years old when my father gave me a blue bicycle for my birthday instead of the red one I had pined for. I knew someone with a name as sad as Nick Drake would feel that pain. I wrapped my long striped scarf a little tighter 'round my pencil-like neck that day, and hung my head a little lower. On the way home from the station, i bawled like a mewling infant so vociferously that the girls of the village felt compelled to break with tradition and ask me to marry them to which I could only reply, "Fat chance." from that day forward Nick Drake was my guiding light and inspiration and also helps me impress chicks. One of these days I shall listen to his records.
-- Fritz Wollner (fritzwollner5...), October 3rd, 2003. (later)

Jon Anderson (of Yes)' whole thing early on was that he couldn't play or write very well, but he'd sit in front of his telly with this acoustick guitar that he knew like 4 chords on, and he'd just SOAK IT ALL UP - western themes, ad jingles, incidental musick, the lot, then he'd go to the band, and say here's this song I wrote, this bit sounds like (x), then i want the next bit to sound like (y), then the next bit to sound like (p) and so on, and the rest of the band were failed psych & beat musos who were willing to do anything, so they'd try to make it all work, so instead ov just going abababcbaba or suchlike, yes would go something like ilsejgfc;ahfb\kdbvk and that's why yes were so fucking great.

-- Pashmina (pashmin...), April 5th, 2003 3:45 PM.

-- Vic (Iodine99...), October 3rd, 2003 6:35 PM.

-- Cacaman Flores (cacama...), October 3rd, 2003. (later)

Cacaman, you misspelled "I".

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 3rd, 2003. (later)

-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), October 4th, 2003. (later) (link)

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headist!

-- jel -- (freeduni...), October 4th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- nabiscothingy (--...) (webmail), October 2nd, 2003 8:15 AM. (later) (link)

it's the last part, of course.

-- Tom (freakytrigge...), October 4th, 2003.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

because it was fun?

-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), October 4th, 2003.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

bcz you want to see Culture club live in concert?

-- Julio Desouza (juli...), October 4th, 2003.

I don't really see what difference that would make since he shifts rationales at whim, but I hear you can summon his spirit by saying the word "fucktard" in the mirror three times.

-- Michael Daddino (epi@aol.com), October 5th, 2003 7:25 AM

-- kate (masonicboom@), October 7th, 2003 9:48 AM. (later)

not all generalisations are dangerous

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6@), October 7th, 2003 9:50 AM. (later)

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oh you know Fox is sacrificing virgins right now for it
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), October 7th, 2003 11:58 PM. (James Blount) (later) (link)

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There goes AC Green!
-- Yanc3y (ystrickle...), October 7th, 2003 11:59 PM. (ystrickler) (later) (link)

-- Vic (Iodine99...), October 7th, 2003. (later) (link)

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Just because Diocletian did it, it doesn't make it OK.
-- Michael Daddino (epicharmu...), October 7th, 2003 8:04 AM. (epicharmus) (later) (link)

Sen. Keitel: "Let's not go sucking each other's dicks just yet Joe."

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), October 7th, 2003.

SPREADABLE BUTT! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

No, it will be stunningly erotic.

-- NA (emmaa...), October 7th, 2003.

-- Spencer Chow, October 7th, 2003.

Rule# 1001: "Don't offend a large group of constituents to their faces..."

That's what he's been doing the whole time, I should note.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 7th, 2003.

Large group of constituents: Hey! Our faces are up here, buddy!

-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), October 7th, 2003.

This is the most fucked up thing ever posted to ILX.
-- ModJ (Mod...), October 7th, 2003 9:22 AM.

I mean, sorry... but it is.
-- ModJ (Mod...), October 7th, 2003 9:23 AM.

Dude, you clearly haven't been reading ILX very long.
-- kate (masonicboo...), October 7th, 2003 9:29 AM.

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), October 8th, 2003 11:32 PM. (spencermfi) (later) (link)

-- Ally (mlescau...), April 16th, 2003 9:48 AM. (mlescaut) (link)

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Wie reitet zu spät durch nacht und wind?
-- Ed (dal...), April 16th, 2003 9:48 AM. (dali) (link)

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(he likes you)
-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), April 16th, 2003 9:51 AM. (afarrell) (link)

---------------------------------------

if they were 16 yr old girls you'd want to punch them in the head
-- Fritz Wollner

Dan Perry STAY AWAY.

-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), October 9th, 2003. (later) (link)

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And communicate with the crabs at the same time.
-- Pete (pb1...), October 9th, 2003 10:25 AM. (later)

Answer to thread question: yes
-- felicity (felicityredwel...), October 9th, 2003 12:14 PM. (felicity) (later) (link)

I'm going to go have one right now.
-- luna (luna_cee...), October 9th, 2003 2:58 PM. (later)

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sorry, that was supposed to go on the 'sex with other ILXORS thread'
-- luna. (don'temailmenicelad...), October 9th, 2003 3:00 PM. (later)

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You bitch.
-- luna (luna_cee...), October 9th, 2003 3:03 PM. (later)

-- Ally (mlescau...), October 9th, 2003. (later) (link)

You post that picture, and you expect any answer other than CLASSIC?
-- Ricardo

-- Sasha (ahmar1...), October 4th, 2003.

-- adaml (formerlynordicskill...), October 9th, 2003 3:06 PM. (later)

-- bnw (rilke...), October 10th, 2003.

and?

-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), October 10th, 2003.

and I like pudding.

-- bnw (rilke...), October 10th, 2003.

-- kate (---), October 10th, 2003.

-- Sarah McLUsky (x77tigersxu...), October 10th, 2003 2:47 PM. (coco) (later) (link)

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He has no superiors. It's his business.
-- Kenan Hebert (edito...), October 10th, 2003 5:17 AM. (kenan) (later) (link)

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i meant Jesus
-- stevem (bluesk...), October 10th, 2003 5:28 AM. (blueski) (later) (link)

-- Many Coloured Halo (deethe_downspamdown_lurke...), October 11th, 2003.
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I think Rush Limbaugh should be force-fed his own entrails at gunpoint.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), October 11th, 2003.

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wear protection.

-- RJG (r_gillander...), October 11th, 2003. (later) (link)

I lay in bed thinking about this, so be kind: Quarantino's action at least in the Crazy 88 fight I'd characterize as cubist action, where the camera pov moves so much that we're as close to seeing the fight in every angle at once. I don't particularly like it from a genre stand point, since it disorients the viewer and dissipates the energy of the scene (both of which contribute to experiences of the viewer trying to re-position himself with respect to the action, which "costs" energy at expense of the action itself). In the end, it was too self-consciously Artistic for me to enjoy on a primary level.
Single-shot sequences, OTOH, allow the viewer to more faithfully serve as a spectator, with fewer mediating removes between him and what's going on. And from a rockistish viewpoint, protracted shots reduce the ability to hide the stuntdoubles from viewers -- meaning that Uma has to have trained a buttload. This verisimilitude is an important point to me, that a star is actually performing these acrobatics, and again building up the image of being there (e.g. less mediation). (Of course, Hollywood is the reverse of the HK system, where martial arts champs become actors, so here's an inherent problem (see: Uma's (sometimes visible) difficulty with her swordwork b/c of her height.).)

But the problem likely isn't solely with Quarantino per se, but Hollywood grabbing onto the udders of the HK cash cow?

-- Leee (redhalcyo...), October 12th, 2003. (later)

Answers
Get a job.
-- Lynskey (pau...), October 12th, 2003. (later)

Wouldn't it be nice if, in the year of 'shock and awe', an American director made a film which wasn't 'the most violent movie ever' or 'the ultimate film violence desensitizer'?

[...]

-- Momus (nic...), October 12th, 2003. (later) (link)

[...]

but its the only thing the world still loves us for! well, that and our pizza pies. and our, how you say, yankee doodle mutherfucker cheeseburgers.

-- scott seward (skotro...), October 12th, 2003. (later) (link)

Anyway, much as I do like Momus (and I do):

---

Do you have a filter that gets rid of all of Momus's posts or something?

-- Ally (mlescau...), October 13th, 2003. (later)

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and where can you get this filter?
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), October 13th, 2003. (later)

B
Wanda Sykes
A scene where the bully gets his/her comeuppance and is humiliated in front of several Supreme Court justices
An emotional, yet hilarious, reconciliation between two middle-aged lesbian mothers and their adopted Hisanic son (Cheech Marin)
Joan Cusack
A skateboarding iguana with sunglasses
Zooey Deschanel
A 15-minute-long hardcore sex scene filmed on handheld digital video
Parodies of just-past-current TV commercials, like the "Dude, you're getting a Dell" guy.

C
Edgy guest appearances by actors from cheezy 80's TV show (I suggest the guy who played Screech from Saved by the Bell)
The woman who played the principal's secretary in Ferris Bueller's Day Off
A trying-on-clothes montage set to "Allstar" by Smashmouth
Tim Curry
A character "plays" the electric guitar and it's obviously fake
Zombies, and lots of them
Will Ferrell
A woman who's about to have a baby and doesn't know if she's been impregnated by Satan/an alien or if she's going INSANE!

-- NA (emmaa...), October 13th, 2003 12:42 PM. (Nick A.)

-- Tico Tico (ticoticoil...), October 13th, 2003. (later) (link)

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I love the distinction between the robots and the androids though, it reminds me of a story I was privy to this weekend about how it'd be bad to rape an android but apparently a-ok to rape a regular robot.

-- Ally (mlescau...), October 13th, 2003. (later) (link)

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But both would really hurt the weewee.

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), October 13th, 2003. (later) (link)

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I'm not saying I'm advocating this.

-- Ally (mlescau...), October 13th, 2003. (later) (link)

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ask your japanese flatmate to explain the difference between sonny chiba and charlie chan
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), October 13th, 2003 2:01 PM. (James Blount) (later) (link)

The problem with this is that if you've ever been an idiot and/or junkie, or been around them, you don't really want to see his movies at all. Maybe Tarantino doesn't build movies to model one's life after, but I think Korrine crosses over into needing his audience to be voyeurs and sadists.

-- dleone

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That would also lead to his needing somewhere else to stay for the return London leg, of course.

-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...), October 13th, 2003. (later) (link)

dropped in to the marriage protection thread by sterling c the godlike.

11. You can't even go to the toilet without hearing Elliot Smith.

37. Nobody watches you.
-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), October 13th, 2003. (later)

you find yourself saying things like, "Wow, you're really deep. I bet you read The Hobbit."

-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...) (webmail), October 13th, 2003 2:40 PM. (M Matos) (later) (link)

Oh my God Matos, what type of porn do you watch????? *runs away bewildered*

-- Dan Perry

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i felt the same after Weekend At Bernie's
-- stevem (bluesk...), October 13th, 2003.

That would be the Transformer that no child wanted.

-- Nicolars (nicolew1...), October 13th, 2003. (later) (link)

[whether there is a place for art and entertainment]:

There is a place for both, it's the people who fail to see this who end up looking silly and/or pedantic.
-- Nicolars (nicolew1...) (webmail), October 13th, 2003. (later)

I agree, but I see so many instances of people failing to see that, so I'm kinda surprised this thread's so quiet.
-- hstencil (hstenci...) (webmail), October 13th, 2003. (later)

Probably because the people who fail to see it are deluded enough to believe that they do.
-- Nicolars (nicolew1...) (webmail), October 13th, 2003. (later)

-- Ally (mlescau...) (webmail), October 13th, 2003 4:34 PM. (mlescaut) (later) (link)

guilty pleasure

-- jones

Because, like, 'stence, proper speling is just so over, you know? It's like, who are we hiding our imperfections from? Hiding them under this borgeious mesh of speling and grammar, when we're all the same when we fucking die anyway. Like, what's syntax? It's total speech facism. It's time someone took a fucking stand man. I'm striking free of these conventions and, like, changing my language has really shaped my world view differently. It's like I'm in control now. You should try it. Yeah really, you should. Can I bum a smoke?

-- Anna (Fieldingann...) (webmail), October 13th, 2003. (later)

Points not worth acknowledging:
- Why do you find Travis Bickle and Tony Montana sympathetic characters?
- Why do you feel if violence is perpetrated by women, it invokes this response?

Points worth acknowledging:
- "Conan the Barbarian says YOU ARE TOTALLY HYPNOTIZED."

This should clear up all confusion in the future for everyone.

(Girolamo: So wy is "being lonely" a better backstory and excuse for wanton, excessive violence than "everyone in your life being murdered"? I'm in total agreement that Taxi Driver is a better film, but I haven't seen a good explanation for why Kill Bill is so "pornographic" other than "you don't like it".)

(And still no one is bothering to touch Tony Montana!)

-- Ally (mlescau...), October 13th, 2003. (later)

(I appreciated the loving formatting lavished on it)

(dude the image of you doing this, felicity, brought me great, great joy a few moments ago)

That yellow thing is a crime against God.

I want one.

-- Dan Perry

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i am also sorry paul barman does not think of this board as being worthy of his presence.
-- gareth (garet...), January 30th, 2002 8:00 PM. (link)

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Don't call me a misogynist, Ed!
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 14th, 2003. (later)

(it's funny cuz it's true)

Yeah, look at Current 93.

-- kate (masonicboo...) (webmail), October 14th, 2003. (kate)

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i read that too. interesting.
-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), October 15th, 2003 1:43 PM. (electricsound)

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Hey, I was looking for a career change... hmmmm...

-- Trayce (trayc...), October 15th, 2003 2:00 PM. (trayce)

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On a more serious note I went to Byron/Lismore once too, lovely area. The backyards have no fences, this I found really interesting. Just big wodges of land with houses all over 'em.
We went swimming at Byron and the tide brought in a HUGE flood of goddamn blue bottles, and I got stung on the leg. The lifeguards came equipped with huge bottles of white vinegar.

At least I didnt cop a stinger in the eye like some poor kid did. You cant exactly pour the vinegar on an eyeball.

-- Trayce (trayc...), October 15th, 2003 2:02 PM. (trayce)

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You can if you're a dominatrix.
-- colin s barrow (colinsbarro...), October 15th, 2003 2:19 PM. (colin s barrow)

Simon Reynolds is a big ol' boob.

-- Kenan Hebert (edito...), October 15th, 2003. (later)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

?

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), October 15th, 2003. (later)
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He just is.

-- Kenan Hebert (edito...), October 15th, 2003. (later)
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Okay, so I wasn't the only confused one.

-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), October 15th, 2003. (later)
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Randall Simon. Randall Simon. I'll go away now.

-- Kenan Hebert (edito...), October 15th, 2003. (later)

(another funny-cuz-it's-SOOOO-true one)

-- stevem (bluesk...), October 15th, 2003 12:48 PM. (blueski)

: D

-- RJG (r_gillander...), October 15th, 2003.

LOVE,

SATAN!!

-- Aaron A. (__...), October 16th, 2003.

-- Debito (pleasedonotemailm...) (webmail), October 16th, 2003 10:12 PM. (Debito) (later) (link)

no, it's about dreamin'.

-- Annouschka Magnatech

the problem with rooting for the redsox is boston's full of assholes
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), October 16th, 2003.

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Unlike where?
-- bnw (rilke...), October 16th, 2003.

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unlike hotlanta! GET LOW GET LOW GET LOW!
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), October 16th, 2003.

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hotlanta -> rocker, chipper, pendleton! i call shenanigans!!!
-- Yanc3y (ystrickle...), October 16th, 2003.

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The city of Atlanta may not be comprised of assholes, but by god, their team is.
-- Ally-zay (bostonsuck...), October 16th, 2003.

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vick trumps all fukkers! VICK TRUMPS ALL!
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), October 16th, 2003.

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don't talk to me about anguish!
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), October 16th, 2003.

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you mention vick and my heart melts. all is forgiven.
-- Yanc3y (ystrickle...), October 16th, 2003.

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Why don't you just go stick your cock in Vick's ass already, Yancey, damn.
-- Ally-zay (...), October 16th, 2003.

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MAYBE I WILL ALLY! MAYBE I WILL!
-- Yanc3y (ystrickle...), October 16th, 2003.

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GET IN LINE YANCEY!
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), October 16th, 2003.

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OKAY THEN I'M BEHIND BLOUNT!
(can i take that back?\)

-- Yanc3y (ystrickle...), October 16th, 2003.

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Why don't you all just stick your cocks in John Rocker's ear and then fucking wave a goddamned bible at Andy Pettite while you do it with a fucking loop of Billy Corgan's rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" going in the background then? ASSHOLES.
-- Allyzay (wt...), October 16th, 2003.

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I didn't hear Corgan's rendition!!! I yelled at the bartender to mute the jukebox and blast the TV but she wouldn't listen! Was it awesome and angsty so that "the ballgame" sounded like an abusive dad??? i hope so!!!
-- Yanc3y (ystrickle...), October 16th, 2003.

From the ILM minor celebs name-dropping thread.

is this the new Electric 6?
-- stevem (bluesk...), October 17th, 2003.

I can't believe I only learned this now at the age of 24, when this would have been much more useful at ages 6-14!!!!
-- Dale the Titled (cpre...), October 17th, 2003.

Mackenzie King opened buildings with Shirly Temple.

-- Mr Noodles (infinitecow...), October 17th, 2003.

Kim Campbell drank champagne out of my gym shorts.

-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), October 17th, 2003.

Joe Clark currently wears a jolly red cap, a green waistcoat, brown tweed trousers and elf boots while sitting on my parent's lawn.

-- Bryan (twp62yo@hotmail

t rex - cosmic dancer
the one way street - we all love peanut butter
cyndi lauper - she bop
-- The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylure...) (webmail), October 18th, 2003 1:55 AM. (lucylurex) (later) (link)

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cos i like dancing, peanut butter and wanking.
-- The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylure...) (webmail), October 18th, 2003 1:56 AM. (lucylurex) (later) (link)

-- nate detritus (n***p*****550...), October 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

Answers

2) bee gees - stayin alive
-- The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylure...), October 18th, 2003 5:54 AM. (lucylurex) (later)

I go to the best grinders, I make up my own blend, I SPECIFY the coarseness of the grind, if necessary I get the manager in, especially if I'm getting attitude from the cheese goofer at the counter.

Then, fueled with this mellow, deep, arabica, crowned with a the slightest of lemon astringencies, I come up with the most ridiculous, the most pointless posts, imaginable.

-- colin s barrow (colinsbarro...), October 19th, 2003. (later)

Come on Dave change the record!
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), April 3rd, 2003.

believe that's the DJ's job
-- dave q (scrape10...), April 3rd, 2003.

-- Jennifer Christie (jennibeck300...), October 19th, 2003. (later)

Answers

oh i don't have time to type it all out. why are people so lazy? always wanting ilx to do their work for them.. .

-- A Girl Named Sam (dallasdeadgir...), October 19th, 2003. (thatgirl) (later)

-- dyson (dyspleasur...), October 20th, 2003. (dyson) (later)

or be Chris Piuma

-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), October 20th, 2003. (Horace Mann) (later)

(P.S. Horace! Answer my e-mails, even if it's just to tell me to fuck off!)

Canadians just walk around in the countryside, looking for stray pigs. When we spot one, we pour maple syrup on it and eat it. No cooking, no butchering, just syrup. That is our shameful Canadian secret.

"Canadian Cannibalism: Fun for the Entire Family": That slogan should prolly attract tourists in droves.

-- Nichole Graham (britbab...) (webmail), October 20th, 2003. (later)

Um, are you suggesting that Canadians are themselves pigs?
-- Casuistry (chri...) (webmail), October 20th, 2003. (later)

Well, how many Canadians other than me do you think she's met?
-- Bryan (twp62y...) (webmail), October 20th, 2003. (later)

Sean?
-- Mr Noodles (infinitecow...) (webmail), October 20th, 2003. (later)

Oh yeah. Might've been back when he was a little tubby from going on those Sweet Marie and Coffee Crisp milkshake binges.
-- Bryan (twp62y...) (webmail), October 20th, 2003. (later)

Or all those beer pies at C'est What.
Oh wait, thats me.

-- Mr Noodles (infinitecow...) (webmail), October 20th, 2003. (later)

Dude, I did meet her but I have never put those vile beverages into me. When I'm lookin' for good Canadian fattenin' up for the winter, I rely on good old classic lard. I believe in the power of lard.
-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...) (webmail), October 20th, 2003. (later)

Sean "Tenderflake" Crudders. Has a nice ring to it.
-- Bryan (twp62y...) (webmail), October 20th, 2003. (later)

if you label 'em a dance group

Because as we all know they are actually ambient meditative droners.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), October 20th, 2003. (later)

Felix Buxton in favourite album being 'Loveless' shockah

-- stevem (bluesk...) (webmail), October 20th, 2003. (later)

It's horrifying, it'd be like me bringing a dead cat everywhere I go. I mean clearly Bentham is insane; it's not even like he's donating his body to a good cause, he's just being full of himself thinking people would want to see his rotted corpse for all time, but that doesn't excuse other people sending bits of his skin about as an exhibit of kinds, nor does it excuse that whole photo I saw with his disembodied head sitting between his feet.

-- Allyzay (ohdrinkin...), October 21st, 2003.

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You're just jealous.
-- NA (emmaa...), October 21st, 2003.

-- Matt Helgeson (mat...), October 21st, 2003. (later) (link)

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