-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 13th, 2003. (later)

-- Dom Passantino (lifetimepilingu...), November 13th, 2003 10:28 AM. (Dom Passantino)

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Thanks. Now I hate my favourite band.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), November 13th, 2003 10:29 AM. (Nick Southall)

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we'll always have the boathouse, spencer.
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 13th, 2003.

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my, she was yar.
-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), November 13th, 2003.

-- retort pouch (retortpouc...), November 14th, 2003. (later)

Christ, I have become Lord Custos. Sorry.

-- retort pouch (retortpouc...), November 14th, 2003. (later)

Oh! Oh come on, without the accompanying photo it makes no sense ;)

(xpost I sez you don't!)

ha ha AWESOME...like PRAISE THE LORD, A SOFT FLAT SURFACE!!!
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), November 13th, 2003 5:09 AM. (nickalicious)

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or
"Where did you throw up?"
"Over there"

-- Chris B. Sure (formerlypoopsmcge...), November 13th, 2003 5:10 AM. (Chris V)

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I would kill a man for a soft flat surface now.
-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), November 13th, 2003 5:10 AM. (afarrell)

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"HE WENT THAT WAY OCIFFER!"
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), November 13th, 2003 5:11 AM. (nickalicious)

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-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 14th, 2003. (later)

-- dave q

Laughed loud enough for flatmate to ask if I was okay.

-- Michael Estona (meston...), November 14th, 2003.

only if this is a random googler, who is fed up with Rosie O'Donnell only being appreciated for her looks. Dammit, she sings showtunes too!

-- Anna (Fieldingann...), November 14th, 2003. (later)

Anthony James.

I'm thinking of shearing off the James and reducing my first name to an initial. People will think I'm an asshole, and they'll be right, and it'll be fantastic.

-- Ferg (....com), November 13th, 2003 10:56 PM

yes - everyone needs and can benefit from good culinary advice... you can't take offence. it's not as though i'd say: dried pasta is better you cunts, now fuck off" or anything

-- teeny (teeny@b...), November 14th, 2003 1:19 PM. (teeny) (later)

----------------------------------------------------------------

but the trick is that you have to rub it in.
-- teeny (teeny@b...), November 14th, 2003 1:19 PM. (teeny) (later)

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Word
-- Baaderist (fabfon...), November 14th, 2003.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Even if your name is Hillis 3000, Hollywood or Qoolout?
-- Broheems (electrifyingmoj...), November 14th, 2003. (diamond) (later)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

ESPECIALLY them
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 14th, 2003. (dubplatestyle) (later)

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), November 14th, 2003 8:06 PM. (later)

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That's the best I could do on such short notice, sorry.
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), November 14th, 2003 8:06 PM.

Fits. Straight.

-- kephm (keph...), November 14th, 2003 4:26 PM. (link)

Booyah is not a phrase it's a paradigm!

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), November 14th, 2003 4:27 PM. (nickalicious) (link)

-- Ally (garance8...), November 1st, 2001.

-- Leee Majors (redhalcyo...), November 14th, 2003. (later)

(x-post)

better yed wd be avril's follow up to "sk8r b0i", "h4x0r fux0r"

-- Dom Passantino (lifetimepilingu...), November 14th, 2003.

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All to the tune of "You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)".
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 12th, 2003 3:54 AM. (Dan Perry)

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"I say, would you mind awfully if I were to ask you to gently fellate me?"
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), November 15th, 2003 1:09 PM. (later)

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how bout i just put my hand on my crotch and motion to the guy? does that mean the same thing around the world?
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 15th, 2003 1:10 PM. (later)

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or will he hail me a cab then?
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 15th, 2003 1:12 PM. (later)

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Depends if you're Michael Jackson or not.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), November 15th, 2003 1:23 PM. (later)

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let me check.
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 15th, 2003 1:27 PM. (later)

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Well?!
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), November 15th, 2003 1:28 PM. (later)

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i'm not.
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 15th, 2003 1:28 PM. (later)

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Gutted.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), November 15th, 2003 1:29 PM. (later)

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I believe Johnny Dee once gave me Single of the Week in Record Mirror, saying 'If you're looking for the new Morrissey, look no further.' So I will cheerfully be a failed rock journalist if that's what turns him on. (Hi Johnny!)
I also welcome all the Guardian readers, a legion of 'failed George Monbiots', who will assure me with many political victories against Dee and TOMBOT.

-- Momus (nic...), November 15th, 2003 1:33 PM. (later)

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assure me with assure me of
You can see why I failed as a rock journalist, sloppy sloppy sloppy!

-- Momus (nic...), November 15th, 2003 1:34 PM. (later)

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1000 failed Monbiots v. 1 TOMBOT, fite!
-- Momus (nic...), November 15th, 2003 1:36 PM. (later)

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That and the fact that you're completely fuckiing insane, eh Mr Currie?
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), November 15th, 2003 1:36 PM. (later)

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Yes.
-- Momus (nic...), November 15th, 2003 1:43 PM.

-------------------------------

i enjoyed it almost as much as i enjoyed learning that oops is a momus ringer
-- mark p

-------------------------------

the fact that there is a hirearchy of my buffoonery frigtens me
-- fiddo centington

-------------------------------
for the record, this ranks just below that thread where you described how your face smelt
-- mark

i think i just made wee wee

-- brg30 (brg3...), November 15th, 2003. (later)

You've just reminded me that Tep owes me a transatlantic favour...

-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), November 15th, 2003. (later)

no it isn't!
-- Julio Desouza (juli...) (webmail), November 15th, 2003 6:47 PM.

I wish they would go away, they scare me twith theri dirty ugly scary butts. And the screaming! They're like mini Courtneys.

-- NIolcle (ndwillet...), December 19th, 2001.

-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), November 15th, 2003.

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no.
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 15th, 2003.

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yeah
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 15th, 2003.

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Hahaha I just ripped my pants apart.
Fuck.

-- Ally C (allycook9...), November 14th, 2003.

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Was that a joke?
-- kirsten (kickyouintheshin...), November 14th, 2003.

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he doesn't even know.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 15th, 2003.

Answers
toot toot
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 15th, 2003.

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beep beep
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 15th, 2003.

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mother's ruin, etc
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 15th, 2003.

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oh, i'm in a for a world of hurt tomorrow
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 15th, 2003.

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but right now ONE LOVE
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 15th, 2003.

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I'm trying to imagine Hank Williams Jr. saying this.
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 15th, 2003.

though one time in college i attempted to make this "pizza" version with string cheese and pasta sauce and i nearly threw up

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 15th, 2003 10:45 PM. (later)

-- scott seward (skotro...), November 16th, 2003. (later)

Too painful?
-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), November 14th, 2003 3:41 AM.

coolest voice, coolest guitar playing, coolest hair-do, coolest in greasy grimey leather outfits, coolest frontman for one of the coolest bands ever, coolest band member of one of the coolest backing bands, coolest...okay, i'll stop now.and i haven't even listened to bad seeds or E.N. in years and years. but my heart goes on.coolest name too.
-- scott seward (skotro...), November 16th, 2003. (later)

The fuckin' Beatles, innit, you caahnt.
-- Gear Honky (auspiciousfis...), November 16th, 2003. (later)

< /Grant Mitchell>
-- Gear Honky (auspiciousfis...), November 16th, 2003. (later)

ddrake stop playing dodgeball! it's like third grade again!

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 17th, 2003. (later)

ie. if you got something to say fukker say it cuz you ain't said shit yet

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 17th, 2003. (later)

except that you think black people of today emulating white people of a hundred years ago would represent 'progress'

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 17th, 2003. (later)

they teach you that at wooster?

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 17th, 2003. (later)

Number of participants: Five or more (it all depends on the size of your pool)

Length of time: From 30 minutes to an hour or more, depending on the number of players

What players will need: A pool or a safe and shallow lake or river

Rules of the game:

In Sharks and Minnows, probably the second most famous pool game after Marco Polo, players try to avoid becoming a shark as they scramble across the pool.

First, choose one player to be the shark. He goes to the middle of the pool while the minnows line up on one side. When the shark calls, the minnows must get to the other side of the pool without being caught. If the shark gets them, they must join him in trying to capture more little ones.

The game continues in this way until all the minnows have become sharks. The last one captured plays the shark for the next round. There are no winners and losers in Sharks and minnows, because all the children are on the same team at the end. The game is over when the children get tired of playing.

Other ways to play it:

A common variation of Sharks and Minnows is called Fisherman. The game is played the same way, with one difference: When the fish (or minnows) are caught they must join hands and create a net. They use this net to block the fish until the fisherman can get there to tag them.

-- ddrake (...)

Seconded.

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 17th, 2003 12:35 AM. (dubplatestyle)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Send them back to my chambers for "negotiations." And where can I get some of those child-servants that have become de rigeur?

-- Keith Harris (kharris3...), November 17th, 2003 12:36 AM. (kharris1128)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

which looks more like maggie gyllenhaal?

-- typo acapulco (misterhungr...), November 17th, 2003 12:36 AM. (gcannon)

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), November 17th, 2003. (later)

it's very strange

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 17th, 2003. (later)

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), November 15th, 2003.

ILM poster "jess" used to be one of my favorites, but now she's just a washed-up pantomime dame...
-- Antmusic78 (bergenrai...), November 17th, 2003 5:18 AM. (later)

-- the evil docter claw (theevildoctercla...), November 17th, 2003 9:38 AM.

-- the evil docter claw (theevildoctercla...), November 17th, 2003 9:38 AM.

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maybe it's fucked because you acted on reflexes?
-- Orbit (cstarrcstar...), July 24th, 2003.

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so how would you have preferred to have been?
-- gareth (garet...), July 25th, 2003.

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like bobba fett
-- james (jamesharriso...), July 25th, 2003.

(also, nick, you're the one who fucking ADMITTED to being the "Neil" of your social group on that one thread, you're a goddamned hippie. And that picture isn't funny, they're right!)

x-post I admitted only that everyone else says I'm the Neil! They also say I'm the Kramer, and Kramer is no hippy!

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 17th, 2003.

This isn't so, Jess, you just my-taste-is-morally-superior-to-yours'd him and the thread predictably went to hell

you know I luv u but you are a big nazi when it comes to hiphop

I know why I'll be leaving at the end of the day though.
-- Huckleberry Mann (handsomishbo...), November 17th, 2003 3:03 PM. (later)

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Is it beer?
-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), November 17th, 2003 3:09 PM. (later)

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Unread Messages
It is beer.
-- Huckleberry Mann (handsomishbo...), November 17th, 2003 3:09 PM. (later)

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that would be a good country music line, "I don't why I came here, but I know why I'll be leaving" and then this real swinging chorus of coyotes in three part harmony sings "Beer"
-- Huckleberry Mann (handsomishbo...), November 17th, 2003 3:10 PM. (later)

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Ha! I don't even have to cut and paste....what a great day.
-- Chris B. Sure (formerlypoopsmcge...), November 17th, 2003 6:52 AM. (later)

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Or asking me if I'm the world's best guitarist.
-- NA (emmaa...), November 17th, 2003 6:52 AM. (later)

-- rgeary (rob_gear...), November 15th, 2003 3:21 PM. (later)

i suspect it will be better than most other faps.
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 17th, 2003.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

for instance: only one ilx'er.
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 17th, 2003.

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If someone ever said that at my house while i was cooking meat I'd shove the fucking roast down the krishnas throat.
-- Chris B. Sure (formerlypoopsmcge...), November 17th, 2003 7:06 AM. (later)

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"this is the sound of a krishna screaming as I choke him with a pot roast."
-- Chris B. Sure (formerlypoopsmcge...), November 17th, 2003 7:06 AM. (later)

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"I smell death" sounds like something dude from Apocalypse Now would say!
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), November 17th, 2003 7:06 AM. (later)

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Krishnas know kung-fu, or something. They have to have some sort of defense mechanism.
-- Spinktor the Unmerciful (kentuckysharkwhiske...), November 17th, 2003 7:07 AM. (later)

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They scare their natural predators away with pamphlets and t-shirts.
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), November 17th, 2003 7:08 AM. (later)

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yeah so what? once you start chucking meat at them they have no defense. its like meatonite.
-- Chris B. Sure (formerlypoopsmcge...), November 17th, 2003 7:08 AM. (later)

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The sounds of bologna slapping against someone's face are dancing around in my head. Nothing like getting knocked around by a slice of pimento loaf to put you in your place.
*slap*

-- Spinktor the Unmerciful (kentuckysharkwhiske...), November 17th, 2003 7:10 AM. (later)

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genoa salami
-- Chris B. Sure (formerlypoopsmcge...), November 17th, 2003 7:12 AM. (later)

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Anyone want a slap with my salami?
-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), November 17th, 2003 7:38 AM. (later)

one of my many bosses (basically everyone but the interns are my boss, and even they think they can push me around--note to self: boo hoo) just asked if he could borrow my pen. Little did he know, but I just had the pen wedged right up in my mouth, sorta like I was chewing on it, but I wasn't chewing, just sort of salivating.
HaHA!
-- Huckleberry Mann (handsomishbo...), November 17th, 2003 9:41 AM. (later)

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You fool! Now that he can write with a mixture of ink and your saliva, he can sign your soul away!
-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), November 17th, 2003 9:43 AM. (later)

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shit. and I don't even get health benefits.
-- Huckleberry Mann (handsomishbo...), November 17th, 2003 9:57 AM. (later)

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"I was using it wrong"
-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), November 17th, 2003. (later)

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"I realize that now, and I apologize."
-- NA (emmaa...), November 17th, 2003. (later)

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ha one of my friends who was there from boston is a bartender and he was giving her step-by-step instructions on how to make a MARTINI!!

-- geeta (geet...), November 17th, 2003 12:43 PM. (geeta)

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haha 'first you take some pabst, shake it with ice, and then add just a whisper of blue ribbon'
'what's that'

-- geeta (geet...), November 17th, 2003 12:44 PM. (geeta)

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no! not romantic princess. SEXY LADY PRO-WRESTLER!
-- phil-two (philtw...), November 17th, 2003.

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how about a sexy and romantic pro-wrestling princess?

-- geeta (geet...), November 17th, 2003.

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what an amazing compromise. i like it. ally? mary?
-- phil-two (philtw...), November 17th, 2003.

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It's great! Is she from outer space though?
-- Allyzay (awesom...), November 17th, 2003.

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sure. attack of the sexy and romantic pro-wrestling princesses from outer space!!

-- geeta (geet...), November 17th, 2003.

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This is like Rashomon. (I like Geeta's amalgam the best.)

-- Mary (maj23...), November 17th, 2003.

ATTENTION ILM PLEASE EAT A GIGANTIC DISEASED DICK OK THX

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 17th, 2003.

"Throw the baby out with the bathwater." Um, hello, they have machines that wash your baby now, so that could never happen. Obsolete!

-- Dancing Queen (domodo...), November 17th, 2003 7:28 AM.

I think this is a protest song about the absence, outside Japan, of love hotels. Being forced to rent a hotel all night for a sexual encounter lasting two hours is just a rip off. What's more, in a love hotel the whole room would be a wonderland, a mini theme park. Love hotels everywhere, now!
-- Momus (nic...) (webmail), November 17th, 2003 5:34 AM. (Momus) (later) (link)

some words in the addenda of my oxford concise:

bionic
go-go
martial arts
modem
one-night stand
punk rock
rastafarian
sexism

-- jones (hobartarm...), November 17th, 2003. (actual) (later)

Online I use merriam-webster.com, offline I usually use the OED.

-- El Diablo Robotico (nicolew1...), November 17th, 2003. (Nicole) (later)

xpost - It's the Kill Bill thread in 11 words!

-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), November 17th, 2003. (afarrell) (later)

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 18th, 2003.

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'cheap clocks'? pfft. glocks obv: we have gotten hardcore since you left us, mr hand!!

-- geeta (geet...), November 18th, 2003.

-- typo acapulco

It brings back the pain of A-level drama.

-- ddrake (...), November 18th, 2003.

There is always "Sexual Healing" to put on instead.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 18th, 2003.

-- luna

not even the pub quiz is sacred...
-- DG (rgreenfiel...), November 17th, 2003 10:52 PM. (later)

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mind you, this trick could have been handy on University Challenge
-- DG (rgreenfiel...), November 17th, 2003 11:00 PM. (later)

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paxman: hurry up please, i must have an answer
DG: er pioson rox ur all gay?
-- mark s (mar...), November 17th, 2003 11:11 PM.

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doomie manages to muddle the complex ____o ______ington joke
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), November 15th, 2003.

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cerebral rock fans will be frightened and confused by the idea of adding a simple "o" and "ington" to common everyday words
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 15th, 2003.

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iwww.venkman.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/ blogger4.html

yer just jealous cause i can quit this place when i want and yer a junkie.

-- cool kid of death (coolkidofdeat...), November 15th, 2003.

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http://www.venkman.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/ blogger4.html
-- cool kid (coolkidofdeat...), November 15th, 2003.

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http://www.venkman.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/blogger4.html
-- cool kid (coolkidofdeat...), November 15th, 2003.

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Cantformato Htmlington
-- Dom Passantino (lifetimepilingu...), November 15th, 2003.

Wait, WHAT THREAD IS THIS ON?!?!?

Cause this is the funniest thing I've read in years!

Dear Mr President;

All right my love?

Brucey

-- stevem

you've both made my day immeasurably better.

washington is kind of gray area

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in fact, in no uncertain terms, i think it is quite possible to both intimate and suggest, nay, even demand, that, like, you know, could i, like, get a 40?
-- gareth (garet...), August 5th, 2003.

Actually, I don't know.

-- teeny

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how's that working out for ya?
-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), November 18th, 2003 1:29 PM. (Oops)

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Well, the first couple years were slow going - unless I needed something drooled on or broken, but it's picking up now that he's 6.
-- luna (luna_cee...), November 18th, 2003 1:30 PM. (luna.c)

i've heard that Barry Manilow's a real prick. In the early 80's, for a while after lennon got shot, he really thought he'd be the next "rock star" to take a
bullet. My marketing teacher is friends with the guy who did the sound for one of his tours back then and apparently he used to have bulletproof glass
shields and stuff on stage with him, and one night at the end of the tour (the sound guy had already had his differences with Mr. Manilow, so he wasn't
expecting to get rehired for the next tour) the sound guy snuck some samples of gunshots into the monitor mix and Barry hit the deck mid-song.

-- Felcher (wangchungvsah...), November 18th, 2003. (later)

i refuse to accept my limitations most of the time. the problem is that my unrealistic ambitions are matched by chronic laziness. still i'll usually pursue all my interests to a certain level until i either get bored or feel that i have done enough in that area - such is the way of the hapless dilletant.
-- stevem (bluesk...) (webmail), November 17th, 2003. (later)

you are me.
-- @d@ml (nordicskilla@hotmail.com) (webmail), November 17th, 2003. (later)

minus the loving wife and suntan
-- stevem (bluesk...) (webmail), November 17th, 2003. (later)

You remind me of Mike Skinner, in a weird way.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 18th, 2003 8:37 PM. (later)

It was funny this one time...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm trying to identify a trend here. i, along with many of my friends and acquaintances, listened to a lot of prog when we were 15/16. im 19 now, so this was in the late nineties, long after the age of prog had passed. i'm still partial to some of it. im just wondering if this youthful prog enthusiasm is something common to a lot of teenagers over the last few decades (other than the one that experienced prog as it was being made). does it catch some sort of youthful idealism, before you see the cold hard reality of life?
-- Bob Shaw (bob_001...), November 18th, 2003 11:07 AM. (Bob Shaw)

Answers
I poop too much.
-- Labia (TomBowe...), November 18th, 2003 11:11 AM.

-- lauren (jaguarrid...), November 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

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If I lived in new york I would just have pretty ladies and pot and blintzes delivered to my apartment constantly.

-- teeny (teen...), November 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 18th, 2003.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

or worse: john singleton
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 18th, 2003.

judge: "have you reached a verdict yet?"
foreman: "don't be silly, m'lud"

-- mark s (mar...), November 19th, 2003 12:36 AM. (later)

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 15th, 2003. (dubplatestyle) (later)

rock is back, brought pie

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 15th, 2003.

swm seeks jew liberating mohican superhero, no smokers.
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 19th, 2003.

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daniel day neeson--or did liam go native at some point too?
-- brian nemtusak (bnemtusa...), November 19th, 2003.

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yes, sorry, i was thinking of george of the jungle
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 19th, 2003.

-- lauren (jaguarrid...), November 18th, 2003 5:37 PM.

Just act like an ass as absolutely much as possible.

-- Girolamo Savonarola (gsa...), November 19th, 2003.

-- Garibaldi (Garibaldi9994...), November 18th, 2003.

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Wow! Art Garfunkel posts on ILM as "Garibaldi"!
-- Kjoerup (s_kjoeru...), November 18th, 2003.

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enjoy hampstead!
-- Joseph Losey (miltonpinsk...), November 19th, 2003. (Enrique) (later)

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Then I can help you no longer.
-- Spinktor the Unmerciful (kentuckysharkwhiske...), November 19th, 2003.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 19th, 2003. (later)

STITCH THAT!

-- Lynskey (pau...), November 19th, 2003. (later)

Even so, no.

-- Tep (te...), November 19th, 2003 10:13 AM. (later)

"Hongro Hears the Who", "I am the Geir and I speak for the Trees," etc.

Please respond urgently before I stop caring again.

-- Stewart Osborne (stewart.osborn...) (webmail), November 19th, 2003 4:33 AM. (Stewart Osborne) (later) (link)

Sorry, too late.

-- Stewart Osborne (stewart.osborn...) (webmail), November 19th, 2003 4:34 AM.

And make sure he doesn't forget his toothbrush!

no, no, we wanna hear more about these Pussy exclamations that you have.
-- Jeremy the Kingfish (jdsalmo...), November 19th, 2003 12:39 PM. (Kingfish) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Settle down, Beavis.
-- luna (luna_cee...), November 19th, 2003 12:40 PM. (luna.c) (later)

also, several ILXors have userspace that they might be willing to share if it's for a good cause, e.g. making the rest of us laugh.

IT PUTS THE LOTION ON THE BRANE -- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 19th, 2003 2:49 PM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)

-- El Diablo Robotico (nicolew1...), November 19th, 2003. (later) (link)

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only if you're doing it right
-- Huckleberry Mann (handsomishbo...), November 19th, 2003.

Also at then end as they walked off one by one, Rolf (or was it Florian) even gave a small wave at the crowd and did a little skip. Which of course is the equivalaent of Iggy stripping naked, surfing the crowd, and smothering his knob in peanut butter.

And I forgot to capture the author, sorry.

-- TOMBOT (rainy @ fucking.days), November 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

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I love it when people bitch about ILX and act like they're better than everyone else.

-- yeah yeah yeah (nobody @ cares.com), November 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

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OH GAWWWD my balls have fallen off and rolled into the gutter

-- TOMBOT (ohno @ sarcasm), November 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

Genius.

-- Sonny A. (newaddres...), November 20th, 2003.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 20th, 2003.

-- Tep (te...), November 19th, 2003 3:21 PM. (later)

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your wife begs to differ
-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), November 19th, 2003.

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Comedy -- c/d?
-- @d@ml (nordicskill...), November 19th, 2003. (tracklink)

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haha
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 19th, 2003.

"You guys over there! I'm going to fire you all, and take your hats!"

-- Dan I. (w1nt3rmut...), November 20th, 2003.

"Should we just save this thing forever?"
"No man, Fieldy would want us to smoke it!"
"But dude, it's a SIGNATURE doobie!"
"Yes, but it's a signature DOOBIE!"

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), November 20th, 2003. (later)

I'm already counting the seconds in anticipation of ignoring all chances to see this.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 20th, 2003 11:18 AM. (Ned)

If, say, an alien race had invaded Earth and planted their eggs in the tummies of humans everywhere, and one of 'em happened to be my mom, and there was already no hopes of saving her life, and an alien hatchling was popping out of her mouth, then I would.
-- nickalicious (nza..), November 20th, 2003 9:54 AM.

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Or, possibly, if she talk shit about my bidness to the popo.
-- nickalicious (nza...), November 20th, 2003 9:54 AM.

-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

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I've heard rumors.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By Fleetwood Mac?

-- Tim (hopkinsti...), November 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

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they say you got a broken heart

-- stevem (bluesk...), November 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

I'll cowork you, beyotch.
-- Spinktor the Unmerciful (

How rude!
-- Ned Raggett (

I'll get Luke drunk and make him kiss you, do not tempt me Mr. "Unmerciful".
-- Allyzay (hah...)

Jar-Jar Raggett resurfaces.
-- Dan Perry (

I NEED NOT YOUR ABUSE.
-- Ned Raggett (

No, you just want it.
-- El Diablo Robotico

So Neil gets up, walks into Ed's office--Ed being the Chief Financial Officer--and asks, "Ed, can you tell me what the kama sutra is?" Ed stares at him for about five seconds and then says, very calmly, "Neil, you have exactly two seconds to get the fuck out of my office."

Similar fun was had when Neil asked us what ben wa balls were and Manon explained to him that it was a very tasty form of Chinese dumpling and he should order it next time he went to the Chinese take out. Which he did. Or tried to.

-- Allyzay (akearne...), November 20th, 2003.

So Neil gets up, walks into Ed's office--Ed being the Chief Financial Officer--and asks, "Ed, can you tell me what the kama sutra is?" Ed
stares at him
for about five seconds and then says, very calmly, "Neil, you have exactly two seconds to get the fuck out of my office."

Actually, what was Neil's reaction to this? (After getting the fuck out of his office.)

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 20th, 2003. (later)

Actually, what was Neil's reaction to this? (After getting the fuck out of his office.)

I hope he tried to do the kama sutra back to his desk.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 20th, 2003. (later)

-- anthony kyle monday (akmonda...), November 20th, 2003. (later)

ie Emmanuel Lewis

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 20th, 2003. (later)

"Looks like we got a Trey fan in the audience, looks like you're in the right place buddy...c'mon, SUCK HIS DICK! GET IT OVER WITH!"

Trey Spruance:
"Dude, that's my cousin!"

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), November 20th, 2003. (later)

Ask him who'd win in a nunchaku fight: Dylan or Elvis
-- nate detritus (n***p*****550...) (webmail), November 20th, 2003 12:42 PM. (natedetritus) (later) (link)

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

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yes but that's 45 pounds of cock

-- tokyo rosemary (rosemarygilber...), November 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), November 24th, 2002. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

racism and homophobia are going to die

-- s trife (i$oiv@if5ws)), November 24th, 2002. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But the music will live on in our hearts forever.

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), November 24th, 2002. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

kiss me, littlest raver

-- s trife (i$oiv@if5ws)), November 24th, 2002. (link)

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), November 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Does it actually have to be about Tom Wolfe or can I write about banjos?

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I now imagine Dan as having some mentalist banjo obsession which he bores people with at parties. "BUT WAIT, I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU ABOUT THE GOATSKIN BANJO I MADE LAST SUMMER"

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), November 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

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"TELL ME A STORY, BUT MAKE SURE THERE ARE BANJOS IN IT, ALL OVER ME, YES THATS RIGHT"

-- Dang (ronan.fitzgerald...), November 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

What you want is "Touch Me ... Naked."
-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), November 20th, 2003.

[True, as I can totally visualise this]

ACT ONE

A sleepy provincial town on coastal waters. ENTER THE KING

THE KING
Odds bodkins! I am summoned by cold men
To answer claims and charges that I
Who only ever wished to heal this grievous world
Have caused damages and harm to those
Whom I would love in a most tender way
Not the way they would have it of course.
But their damned lies will fly forth quickly
And then fall gasping and panting to the ground
Whilst I, sculpted and shaped to transcend this sphere,
Will be the long runner o'er their corpses of untruths
As I will then be free to return to a peaceful valley
And complete my latest entertainment!

AN OFFICER OF THE LAND approaches

OFFICER
Sir, your fingerprints, and your visage
We must have images of both so that
Your whereabouts will be easily found

THE KING [outraged]
All know where I can be found at any time!
For I am your king and you cannot question
My divine image of grace and beauty.

OFFICER
That is as may be, sir, but we must also have
Three million ducats and your papers of passage
For we deem you a threat of flight from our land

THE KING
Insolence! But here
(withdraws items)
As you demand it, there.
Take them if you must, but those who know me
Will know that my word is my bond

OFFICER (somewhat bored)
Um, indeed sir, we would never question that.
Now excuse me, please, for I have a press conference.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), November 21st, 2003. (later)

-- Tico Tico

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), November 21st, 2003.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

actually, inverse would be if the guy had a camel with an erection, but you get it...

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), November 21st, 2003.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

or maybe not...

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), November 21st, 2003.

-- NA (emmaa...), November 21st, 2003 9:48 AM. (Nick A.) (later)

-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), November 21st, 2003.

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Dan is officially twee ha ha ha.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 21st, 2003. (later)

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Now he just needs a pink Belle and Sebastian t-shirt.
-- El Diablo Robotico (nicolew1...), November 21st, 2003. (later)

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Bloodstains aren't pink, they're kind of a dirty brown.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 21st, 2003. (later)

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 21st, 2003 8:06 PM. (GeirHong)

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:_O
-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), November 21st, 2003 8:09 PM. (M Matos)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

sorry, that's :-O
-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), November 21st, 2003 8:09 PM. (M Matos)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Geir, you made Matos's nose fall off the side of his face!
-- Keith Harris (kharris3...), November 21st, 2003 8:10 PM. (kharris1128)

Completely vile.

One of my very worst commuting experiences (and, post-Hatfield, I had a few) involved the day I stupidly decided to try out the H&I-Canning Town section as a way of avoiding the central zone Tube rush-hour crush. Waited something like 40 minutes only for a smoked-glass sleek shinkansen-style thing to pull up, left off some bubbly- quaffing, insultingly cheerful suits and shut its doors on us (Anglia Trains private special). Eventually squeezed onto one of the regulation meat-wagons a little later; most malevolent atmos ever on a train. Coupla hundred foax pissed off at the service, each other, themselves...

Then it terminated at Stratford.

-- Michael Jones (tourajsig...), May 22nd, 2002 2:00 AM.

To be honest, it was just the 'completely vile' that did it.

-- donut bitch (do...), November 21st, 2003.

This thread was going to be about something that I thought would engender fiery and intelligent debate...

turn out to be...errr, whatever the opposite of "a self-fulfilling prophecy" might be.

-- donut bitch (do...), November 21st, 2003. (later)

"The Elder" is different. Personally, I love it, but then again, the only other Kiss album I really like is "Destroyer"....

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 21st, 2003. (later)

*sound of head exploding*

-- donut bitch (do...), November 21st, 2003. (later)

-- Matt Helgeson (mat...), November 21st, 2003. (later)

er, Heaven and Hell SHIRT, excuse the language.

-- Matt Helgeson (mat...), November 21st, 2003. (later)

Oz poo! Worth millions today!

-- Kenan Hebert (edito...), November 21st, 2003. (later)

Dude, Heaven and Hell era shit comes from the pooper of Dio it's a really operatic turd.

-- Matt Helgeson (mat...), November 21st, 2003. (later)

Like a rainbow in the loo

-- nate detritus (n***p*****550...), November 21st, 2003. (later)

God, so many memories...getting drunk with Lester and Patti and talking about the new Dictators record...Blondie on stage getting us all to dance...good times.
-- Mark (mar...), November 21st, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

only four people there have jobs and they're all the same person.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 21st, 2003 8:55 AM. (RJG)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

damn that lou reed
-- lawrence kansas (lawrence_kansa...), November 21st, 2003 9:02 AM. (lawrence kansas)

But they do put out some good/great music

More importantly do they now have free reign before everyone else on breakground?

-- ROB D (Rob...), November 22nd, 2003. (later)

*breaking ground*

-- ROB D (Rob...), November 22nd, 2003. (later)

isn't Breakground Timbaland's label?

-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), November 22nd, 2003. (later)

IT'S -BEAT CLUB

-- HH (ED...), November 22nd, 2003. (later)

THANKS FOR TELLING ME! I WOULD NEVER HAVE KNOWN THAT OTHERWISE!

-- M MATOS (MICHAELANGELOMATO...), November 22nd, 2003. (later)

No problem-but seriously?
Is this a question out of bad taste to you?

-- hh (...), November 22nd, 2003. (later)

They aren't pop, they are hip-hop/R&B. Travis and Coldplay are pop.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 22nd, 2003. (later)

WHERE IS A SERIOUS PRODUCER WHO REALLY AIMS FAT BEATS?!

-- gabbneb (gabbne...), November 22nd, 2003. (later)

Wow! What is this movie about?

My friend Luis said he thinks Killing Joke were on Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Is that true?

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), November 22nd, 2003.

I've had "Europe" stuck in my head all day. I has become very annoying.

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), November 22nd, 2003.

http://www.rokdabla.cz/images/rok_dabla_film_010_500.jpg

Who's playing the violin? I play violin. Don't you just love Jaz in this picture? Hey, maybe one day that'll be me playing violin in an elevator and meeting Jaz Coleman.

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), November 22nd, 2003.

He didn't mean Richard D James.

-- Rockist Scientist (RaksShark...), November 22nd, 2003. (later)

(also it cracked me up because Rockist can be so demure)

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 22nd, 2003. (later)

OH YOU FUKR

-- nate detritus (n***p*****550...), November 22nd, 2003. (later)

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Well yes. Discourse only belongs in English too!
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 22nd, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My dick is so big, it represents the non-English speaking world.
-- Matt Helgeson (mat...), November 22nd, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your dick is Ry Cooder?
-- Keith Harris (kharris3...), November 22nd, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It must be very dry and worn out, then.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 22nd, 2003. (later) (link)

-- nate detritus (n***p*****550...), November 22nd, 2003.

OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!!

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 22nd, 2003.

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Really.
-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), November 22nd, 2003 10:03 AM. (aja)

Has Mozart ever actually rocked?

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 23rd, 2003 8:22 PM. (GeirHong) (later)

I just can't wait to get the part where they chop the baby up.

-- Keith Harris (kharris3...), November 23rd, 2003. (later) (link)

-- cinniblount

I've never sobered up so quickly than that night.

-- donut bitch (do...), November 22nd, 2003. (later)

A cab driver drove me right into the centre of the wedding I was going to - I mean, right into the centre of the wedding, guests all around me. It was outrageous, audacious.

Driver (as he accepted my fare, and by way of explanation): "You must make yourself big, man. You must big yourself up in this life. Walk out now. You are the king."

-- colin s barrow (colinsbarro...), November 22nd, 2003. (later)

-- dave q (scrape10...), November 23rd, 2003. (later)

"Now, the Bible says the soldiers of the Antichrist will come from a snow-covered socialist northern dictatorship, which people mistakenly believed to be the USSR. Check this out however." Hands me Vancouver phone directory. "Open it to the Government Departments listings." Sure as fuck, all the numbers start with...have a fuckin' guess.

-- dave q (scrape10...), November 23rd, 2003. (later)

three weeks without a single fag today!! yay for me

-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), November 23rd, 2003. (later)

http://www.nectec.or.th/users/tep/img/tep.GIF

-- JuliaA (loginnam...), November 23rd, 2003 8:32 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yo, don't fuck with the Elflord of Pansytown. This weird eye of mine may not look very threatening, but I got another one JUST LIKE IT on the other side of my head! And this hat pin? Yeah, I'm totally taller than it. So step off, Binky.
-- Tep (te...), November 23rd, 2003 8:37 PM. (later)

-- Martin Skidmore

people who buy hummous are terrorists!
-- teeny

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), November 24th, 2003. (later) (link)

http://1.im.cz/img_novinky/missyyy.gif

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 24th, 2003. (later) (link)

Bush Vows Progress, Begs for Time
NEW YORK—Mayor Bloomberg has promised an extraordinary impromptu "grief summit" with Tracer Hand. President Bush applauds the meeting and is asking Hand for "time to resolverate our nation's differentiations."

Hand, the great Internet typist, has repeatedly called for a "logically and morally coherent" response to the events of September 11, 2001 on an Internet message-board. The nation's political leaders, ever-attuned to the near-daily rants of the mysterious and wildly influential figure, have insisted they are listening.

"Mr. Hand knows we are doing all we can to make this memorial work for him. Despite having lost no one in the tragic calamity of that day, nor even knowing anyone who knew anyone, etc, we do swear great fealty to his peerless taste and opinion," Bush and Bloomberg said today in a joint statement.

Asked for comment, Hand said "it's too bad that Saian Super Crew's second album didn't make good on the promise of their first. I'm sorry, who is this again?"

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 24th, 2003. (later) (link)

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An ideal Christmas gift for your loved ones!
-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), November 24th, 2003.

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leave her cheese out in the wind.
-- g-kit (gregkitte...), November 24th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

no, they stay cooked for eight hours
-- bad jode (jod...), November 24th, 2003. (later)

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and then you don't really eat them, you just stare at them and magically have a taste orgasm.
-- Chris B. Sure (formerlypoopsmcge...), November 24th, 2003. (later)

Nothin', you already done told her twice
-- miloauckerman (suspectdevic...), November 24th, 2003 3:05 AM.

-- William Bloody Swygart (thingummy9...), November 24th, 2003 4:51 PM. (mrswygart) (later)

i was fuckin robbed!
-- enrique (miltonpinsk...), November 24th, 2003 4:54 PM. (Enrique) (later)

-- Bryan (twp62y...), November 24th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i will have lovely smelling, braided asshairs - that's what will happen.

-- dyson (dyspleasur...), November 24th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR THEN

-- Bryan (twp62y...), November 24th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 24th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- lauren (jaguarrid...), November 24th, 2003

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

except for the ones that are about ass
-- bad jode (jod...), November 24th, 2003 4:04 AM. (Jody Beth Rosen)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

except "Booby-Dick" by Ding-Dang and the Balls, that song is about LOVE
-- Huckleberry Mann (handsomishbo...), November 24th, 2003 4:04 AM. (Horace Mann)

(I'm sorry, my childish toilet humour gland kicked in)

I just like the idea of (even ironically) referring to a 19th century president as "smooth"

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floith
-- mark s (mar...), November 22nd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What?
-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), November 22nd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

that's how we pronounce her name
how do you pronounce yours?

-- mark s (mar...), November 22nd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Asia
-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), November 22nd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How do you get "floith" from "Aja"?
-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), November 23rd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

how do you not?
-- mark s (mar...), November 23rd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

COOL GROOVY MORNING FINE TIPPER GORE WAS A FRIEND OF MINE
-- Allyzay (nick...), November 24th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HI I AM THE AMAZING ROUSSEAU
-- amateur!st (amateur!s...), November 24th, 2003.

From the "Kennedy" thread:

1)my theory: invisibly below the side of the car jfk was dressed in no trousers (US: pants) and a box (US: cup), and the man on the grassy knoll assassinated him by throwing a cricket ball (US: baseball) at hiz nuts (US: ass)
-- mark s (mar...) (webmail), November 24th, 2003. (later)

and thus the second assassin is proved to be arnold ridley (US: james finlayson).
-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...) (webmail), November 24th, 2003. (later)

AND

2) I only found out last week that the kennedy administration was called Camelot not because of its likeness to King Arthurs round-table regality, but because it lasted as long as the Broadway run of said show. What a come down.
-- Pete (pb1...) (webmail), November 24th, 2003. (later)

Yes, and the Thatcher govt was known as 'No Sex Please We're British'
-- Andrew L (theplum...) (webmail), November 24th, 2003. (later)

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THIS FILM!!!!! IT'S MY LORD OF THE RINGS!!!!!!
-- jel -- (freeduni...), November 17th, 2003.

-- chuck (cedd...), November 24th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I so want to lock the thread right now.
-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...), November 24th, 2003.

That's indeed a good thread (and a rare exception), but really I have nothing to contribute to the discussion. That thread isn't just something that you can post once to and walk away from, it requires a minimum level of participation.

-- Elvis Telecom (chri...), November 24th, 2003. (Chris Barrus

1. Airplane!: Nice white grandma type offers to translate for the two soul brothers on the jet: "It's ok, I speak the Lower Bavarian dialect". And she does, and they then talk to each other in said dialect.

-- Colin Meeder (amisrau...), November 25th, 2003. (later)

-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...) (webmail), November 24th, 2003 8:23 AM. (afarrell) (link)

Hey, I have perfectly nice memes.

-- Tep (te...) (webmail), November 24th, 2003 8:27 AM. (ktepi) (link)

Tep's hilarious posts: Part of this complete breakfast!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

thats not oakenfold! thats dan ackroyd afetr a savage drinking binge!
-- ambrose (ambrosewhit...), November 25th, 2003 9:15 AM. (ambrose)

Best post ever. Ever. By anyone.

I am thinking of buying pepper spray and waiting until I hear it in the kitchen again.

There were a ton of mouse traps in the cabinet under the sink, which I only discovered after I moved in.

I really do despise land-lords (this is a supposedly "nice" apartment in a nice neighborhood), but meanwhile--what do I do about this thing?

I did not want to have to move this summer, but between this ongoing rat problem and my downstairs neighbor's noise, it looks like it might be that time again.

-- Rockist Scientist (RaksShark...), November 25th, 2003. (later) (link)

Answers

get a kitty

-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), November 25th, 2003. (later) (link)

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poison it.

-- Orbit (cstarrcstar...), November 25th, 2003. (later) (link)

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poor kitty

-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), November 25th, 2003. (later) (link)

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more flamebait -
Female Acquaintance: God, guys are boring. They don't talk, they just don't know how! Gadgets! Who cares! When I'm with my female friends we really discuss things in depth, it's great! Like yesterday I had the best conversation with my friend!
DQ: 'bout what?
FA: Oh, everything. We came up with some really fascinating insights!
DQ: Like...?
FA: Well I can't remember offhand, but...
DQ: See, that's why guys invent 'gadgets', like for instance the tape recorder (ducks)
-- dave q (scrape10...), November 25th, 2003. (later)

That latter name would curse you to open for either Cake or the Barenaked Ladies FOREVER.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 25th, 2003 11:03 AM.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 25th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, tM3 is a gateway drug to Minor Threat.
-- Casuistry (chri...), November 25th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(I forgot to make that post actually funny. I'm sorry.)
-- Casuistry (chri...), November 25th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*hugglez Chris*
-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), November 25th, 2003. (later)

Syd Barrett! Get on the one!
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), November 25th, 2003 9:38 AM.

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do bears shit in the Vatican?
-- stevem (bluesk...), November 25th, 2003.

Later still.

"Ok we're getting on the motorway now, can you put on your belts there guys".

So we invented a mythology for our friend, namely that he has an obsession with belts and collects them. All weekend whenever he complained about anything or disagreed we were like "FUCK THIS SHIT, TELL ME A STORY, BUT MAKE IT SO THERE ARE BELTS, ALL OVER ME, ALL KINDS OF BELTS" or "LADS TALK ABOUT ME, ME AND MY BELTS....."

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), November 25th, 2003 7:41 AM. (Ronan)

Sorry. I come over all peculiar when anyone mentions Sting.

-- RickyT (boyofbadger...), August 21st, 2002.

Sorry. I come over all peculiar when anyone mentions Sting.

poor old all peculiar eh? *slaps forehead* OUT, DAMNED PERRY!!!

-- katie (kjgrocot...), August 21st, 2002.

"TALIBAN STYLE!"
-- nickalicious (nza2342...) (webmail), November 25th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

is it?
-- teeny (teen...), November 25th, 2003 3:13 PM. (teeny)

Pity he forgot to grab the talent.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), November 25th, 2003. (later)

AH,
DEE

UP!

-- donut bitch (do...), November 25th, 2003 2:58 PM. (donut)

What I said about "Run Like Hell":

It unsettles me somewhat to know that this song became a semi-sizeable classic rock staple even though in the scheme of things The Wall-wise it's a song about an orgy of right-wing fascist dictator-led violence. It's even more unsettling if you've seen the movie (advice to readers: do not see the movie)....

-- nate detritus (n***p*****550...), November 25th, 2003. (later)

-- Yanc3y (ystr1ckl3...), December 3rd, 2002.

And Incubus don't need dramatic flair, obviously, cause they've got Brandon Boyd!

This sentence makes me cramp.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), December 3rd, 2002.

...with menstrual yearning.

-- Yanc3y (ystr1ckl3...), December 3rd, 2002.

Some adjectives/descriptions I can come up with: detached, clear, cold, into the heart of things, vulnerable, direct, honest, immediate, like shooting heroine (just an idea i have no experience in this).

-- alex in mainhattan (alex6...) (webmail), November 25th, 2003 3:27 PM. (alex63) (later) (link)

Answers

"trumpet-y"

-- Dan Perry

Answers
But have you tasted her pineapple upside down cake?
-- Huckleberry Mann (handsomishbo...), November 25th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WORST EUPHEMISM EVER
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 25th, 2003.

This thread is making me fall in love with Barbara Bush.

(xpost YOU MADE YOUR BABS-SHIT BED NOW LIE IN IT MWAHAHAHA!)

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 25th, 2003. (later)

-- Rockist Scientist (RaksShark...), November 25th, 2003 9:25 AM.

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oh, and the two women work the counter, if that wasn't clear. that is all.
-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), November 26th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Matos is kind of creeping me out.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), November 26th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

fuck you too, N.
-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), November 26th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry, I didn't realise there was a history to this.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), November 26th, 2003.

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OK, not really. but I'm not trying to creep anyone out. it's more about how various ILx folks have infiltrated my consciousness even though we haven't met in person. is that clearer? anyway, sorry for overreacting, N.
-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), November 26th, 2003.

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"chai"???? fuck you Matos!!
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 26th, 2003.

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haha!
-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), November 26th, 2003.

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Enforcer ~ Dam Tuff, for matos
oh, and by the way, fuck them, just fuck them, fuck them all, fuck them all to hell, fuckers

fuckers

-- charltonlido (charltonlid...), November 26th, 2003.

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it's okay as long as you ask for extra gravel! you were missed tonight on Whitefriars Street, Matos!!
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 26th, 2003.

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I'm so confused....
-- M Matos (michaelangelomato...), November 26th, 2003.

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wicked pisser
-- charltonlido (charltonlid...), November 26th, 2003.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 26th, 2003.

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god, you're a dumb ass.
-- Matt Helgeson (mat...), November 26th, 2003.

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(The preceding is probably the most shameful post I have ever made.)
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), May 1st, 2003.

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...today.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), May 1st, 2003.

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...in this thread
-- buttch (formerlyoops(mcgee...), May 1st, 2003.

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...for the last ten posts.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), May 1st, 2003.

-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmore...), May 5th, 2003.

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Booyah, Martin.
-- martin m. (marti...), May 5th, 2003.

-- jel -- (freeduni...), July 20th, 2003 4:48 AM. (jel)

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jel that is the best news in the world
-- Millar (tmilla...), July 20th, 2003 12:59 PM. (Millar)

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not for the rebel alliance!!
-- mark s (mar...), July 20th, 2003 1:03 PM. (mark s)

I'm going to go start an avant-garde noisenik band called Lego Spacecraft Motherfuckers at once!
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), July 19th, 2003.

xtina must rap on it
-- mark s (mar...), July 19th, 2003.

Lego Auschwitz to thread
-- stevem (bluesk...), July 20th, 2003.

>Lego Auschwitz to thread
The LEGO Auschwitz was so lame. If you looked closely at the pictures, they weren't photos of real LEGO models, just photoshop jobs using LEGO textures. The "artist" couldn't even be bothered to put together a fairly simple LEGO building - this is why I hate modern art.

-- fletrejet (fletreje...), July 20th, 2003.

having a finishing move, c or d?

This makes it sound like you're playing Street Fighter 2 or something and you bust out a fatality, except instead of a fatality it's a nut.

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), November 26th, 2003.

-- mitch lastnamewithheld

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No.
-- Nicole (nicolew1...), February 14th, 2003.

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shut up.
yes.

-- RJG (r_gillander...), February 14th, 2003.

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Sorry.
-- Nicole (nicolew1...), February 14th, 2003.

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Was that 'shut up' to Nicole? Either way, stop being so rude, fuckface.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 14th, 2003.

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 26th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- Casuistry (chri...), November 26th, 2003. (later)

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-- nate detritus

-- Ally (mlescaut@a.net), September 10th, 2003 9:56 PM. (mlescaut)

wtf dean picked a hiphop album track!!! this is unprecedented realness in politicking!!! 'mr clinton, what song would you say represents your 96 campaign?' 'well im from down south so i'll say juvenile and big tymers - something got 2 shake'

-- trife (...), September 10th, 2003 10:01 PM. (simon_tr)

ally maybe hes going to be deans running mate!!

-- trife (...), September 10th, 2003 10:01 PM. (simon_tr)

VICE PRASIDENT

-- trife (...), September 10th, 2003 10:02 PM. (simon_tr)

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Doesn't he play for Newcastle?

-- Matt DC (runmd...), November 26th, 2003. (later)

3000 posts: jnafehjgojngmgnswglkjadfjpaigw

-- stevem (bluesk...) (webmail), November 26th, 2003. (blueski)

i though this was going to be a thread about being stood up for a date.
-- kephm (keph...), November 26th, 2003 8:07 AM.

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it sort of is. if you're sperm.
-- Huckleberry Mann (handsomishbo...), November 26th, 2003 8:10 AM. (Horace Mann)

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(I read this as "A guy not coming out / coming out too late.")
-- Rockist Scientist (RaksShark...), November 26th, 2003 8:12 AM.

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ur gay
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 26th, 2003 8:15 AM. (RJG)

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right?
-- RJG (r_gillander...), November 26th, 2003 8:19 AM. (RJG)

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East Anglian sluts?
-- Patrick Kinghorn (paddypowe...), November 27th, 2003 12:48 AM. (later)

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That's a tautology if ever I heard one.
-- Dom Passantino (lifetimepilingu...), November 27th, 2003 12:50 AM. (later)

If he pulls a Marc Bolan move, I will be merry.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 27th, 2003.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Amen.
-- latebloomer (posercore24...), November 27th, 2003.

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pity it isn't T. Bez
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 27th, 2003.

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ie. a remake of "All for Love" with Mr. T and Bez
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 27th, 2003.

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Particularly when one of the people can lap the other.
-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), November 26th, 2003 4:59 PM. (later)

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 27th, 2003. (later)

wait, no, eww

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 27th, 2003. (later)

freshen yer drink guvner?

-- stevem (bluesk...), November 27th, 2003. (later)

-- Archel (rp3...), November 27th, 2003 5:27 PM. (later)

Just take a look at the Gap of Rohan.

(rimshot!)

-- Miggie (miggi...), November 27th, 2003 12:25 PM. (later)

So brilliantly terrible.

and the 'signs you may be a goth' thread

-- maryann (maryann34...), November 28th, 2003 7:44 PM. (maryann) (later) (link) (admin)

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I've been trying to think of two other lines that could equal that for a couple of weeks
-- maryann (maryann34...), November 28th, 2003 7:45 PM. (maryann) (later) (link) (admin)

-- cuspidorian (spectramaddo...), November 29th, 2003. (cuspidorian)

I have tasted Ed's dumplings and they are delicious.
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 28th, 2003 1:43 AM. (tracerhand)

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Bloody hell, you HAVE been watching Carry-On films. Ooh, I say!
-- suzy (theartskooldisk...), November 28th, 2003 1:45 AM. (suzy)

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I've sucked Ed's cock.
-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), November 28th, 2003 1:56 AM. (Mark C)

this record is totally sociopathic, theres something unseeing and murderous here, the mansion vibe, but like, ordinary person stabbing rusty screwdriver into friend with glazed eyes, cocaine godcomplex psychosis evil, the most violent and empty eyed record i have ever heard
-- gareth (garet...), August 10th, 2003.

Okay. I'm pathological and unstable, it's true. And you're habitually negative, which is also true. I see you saying pointedly negative and insulting things so often that it sinks in. It's not just your words, it's your tone. You HATE things, like, you really HATE things. That's weird to me, and I am now suspicious of your every opinion, fearful that it's tainted with HATE. And this was probably not the thread to go off on you, but whatever.

-- Kenan Hebert (edito...), November 29th, 2003. (kenan)

right now the only thing I hate is you.

-- hstencil (hstenci...), November 29th, 2003.

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I like not to, so as to make the woman think she's hideous.
-- Matt (Mat...), November 30th, 2003.

-- Ronan (ronan...ie), November 28th, 2003 8:11 PM. (later)

Yeah but they mean 'bath'.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfi...uk), November 28th, 2003 9:45 PM. (later

There's a Spa Hotel, hilariously.

-- Momus (nic...), November 30th, 2003. (Momus)

-- youn (younno...), November 30th, 2003.

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), November 30th, 2003. (aja)

I'm a girl too.
I won't hold it against you.

-- Orbit (cstarrcstar...), November 30th, 2003 5:03 PM. (Orbit) (later)

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Really.
-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), November 30th, 2003 5:09 PM. (aja) (later)

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Ovum!
-- Orbit (cstarrcstar...), November 30th, 2003 5:10 PM. (Orbit) (later)

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Ovum!
What does that mean.

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), November 30th, 2003 5:13 PM. (aja) (later)

the late Jeff Buckley (voice of an angel, swimming skills of an anvil).

Answers
OK, give me five minutes.
-- Dom Passantino (lifetimepilingu...), December 1st, 2003 1:04 PM. (Dom Passantino)

-- Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (christineindig...), December 1st, 2003 10:55 PM.

-- Fred Nerk

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i guess that criticism can also be applied to Cliff Richard
-- stevem (bluesk...), December 1st, 2003 11:06 AM. (blueski) (later) (link) (admin) (62.140.207.140)

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god they'll brand ANYTHING
-- stevem (bluesk...), December 1st, 2003 4:53 PM. (later)

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), December 1st, 2003. (later) (link)

Yeah, just tired and feeling a little like I might get a cold.

"Oh yeah? Here, try this... it's a homeopathic remedy I got and it really works."

What is it?

"Just try it. It tastes like bubblegum."

*chewchewchewOHDEARGOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME, YOU VILE WOMAN?*

"Hahahahahahahahaha... it's gross, huh?"

Whatever this little red piece of hell is, it does indeed taste like bubblegum - for the first five seconds. After that, it morphs into some revolting pseudo-oily bit of non-chewable nastiness, and I am left feeling not only like I want to smash her bitchface in, but also like a piece of bubblegum just took a crap in my mouth.

Tell me I'm not the only one shit like this happens to?

-- luna (luna_cee...), December 1st, 2003. (later) (link)

YOU ARE MISSING THE FACT THAT GUM POOED IN MY MOUTH.
-- luna (luna_cee...), December 1st, 2003 8:13 AM. (luna.c)

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-- luna (luna_cee...), December 1st, 2003. (later) (link)

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here, try this.

-- RJG (r_gillander...), December 1st, 2003. (later) (link)

[all you selfish wretches, you know who you are. Tremble!]

"whooooa whoooooooooooo SHIT JESUS!! GAH FUCK!!"
"Silence!! i'm concentrating on pleasure!"

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...) (webmail), November 30th, 2003. (later)

I wanna talk to you about forbidden pleasures of the flesh
The most thrilling satisfaction for all mankind
Better than everything you ever imagined in your wildest dreams
The secret of the crablouse

Here's a message for the girls about vaginas
And the consequence of fiddling with a partner
Mind your labia they're never out of danger
If you're gonna go to bed with a stranger
Creatures might be hidden in his pubic area
It's the crablouse that's out to get ya!
It's gonna grab you by the pubic hair
Shake your pussy when the bastard's there

It's there to stay, sucks all day
It's there to bite, my parasite

The little vampire, horny and so greedy
It doesn't care about a penis and it's envy
It's intelligent, nasty and it's sick
A party animal, a pervert and a pig
If a crablouse gets mixed up in your saliva
Stumbles through your body right into your vulva
Then waits patiently until a penetration
Gets it out of there and right into salvation

It's there to stay, sucks all day
It's there to bite, my parasite

Now we know the little crablouse is a raver
You can't get rid of it unless you use a razor
It's unbearable, funky and so cool
A real smartass and nobody's fool
If you meet a guy who's scratching at his totem
We all know that it's connected with his scrotum
He might tell you that his undie is too tight
But you'll know that it's the crablouse and you're right

It's there to stay, sucks all day
It's there to bite, my parasite
My love machine, my maddest dream
Turns me on, makes me come