laugh laugh ... floor rolling, thigh slapping, excelsior, and all that jazz

Last time, I rolled onto a book, and it was very painful.

I rolled onto the Dictionary if it makes you feel better.

That was actually a good thing. I was looking for it for a couple of days.

-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), April 13th, 2004.

-- Mitch Lastnamewithheld (mitchnet7...), February 10th, 2002.

Answers
SHUT UP
-- @d@ml (nordicskilla@hotmail.com), April 13th, 2004.

********************************************************************

Is there anyone out there who has NOT stuck a paper clip in your ear to see what you could find?
I did.

I found an autographed picture of my 5th grade teacher and the key to a "56 Chevey I used to have.

-- Zen Clown

Answers
----------------------------------------------------------------------

silly to stop with a paper clip. i found that by working in small increments, i was able to advance from a paper clip to a wire pipe cleaner to a coat hanger to a welding rod and then, finally, to six feet of corrugated steel re-bar. it's a thrilling sensation to feel a full fathom of frigid metal whish past your molars and scrape the underside of your brain pan. what a rush!!
i have a good chum who's taken the same tack with explosives. first he'd bang caps off in his ear with a flint splint and spark hammer. from there he moved steadily through pixi-pops, block-busters, and M80s. He's now at the point where he can take full sticks of TNT in both ears at the same time (synched detonation with a bite action IR master/slave unit).

and then there were those girls in ho chi minh city. they had ears of steel by god. 9000 GIs a day. really makes you stop and think.

-- hurley

My mum used to get her hair cut by Emile. (Just Emile) he was a burly miners' son.
Elton John would never have cut it
-- Dadaismus

Didn't Emile go into a highly expensive partnership with a guy called Michael? The latter was always off sick and Emile couldn't handle the responsibility on his own and the customers began to boo him.
-- Mikey G

Why the goddamn FUCK did these idiots populate this fucking wasteland? Is this any way to live? (OK I'm 1/4 Hungarian which makes me some kind of pseudo-chink or something ["Mongoloid, he was a mongoloid, unhappier than you & me!"] but what's everybody else's excuse? (Embracing-dark-side dept., maybe that's why I don't really 'get' the historically pacifist [heh] Brits mass-demo'ing 'we're sorry about that other shit we won't raid yr oil no more' [not to mention trying to convince the world for the last 50 yrs that you're really a bunch of conscience-stricken commies] - doesn't convince me - it is in your natures. Repeat after me, "We are assholes who want to kill everybody and steal their shit but don't worry we will get our just deserts, ie annihilation, and it was all our own fault for MOVING TO A GIANT MEAT LOCKER" feels good doesn't it but the craven cowering in the face of cosmic destruction doesn't SUIT you, although if somebody can figure out how to keep a cup of coffee HOT for the space of time it takes to drink the fucker then maybe the prospect of WW3 would aggravate me a bit more (World responds - "You NEED more coffee?" Uh, sorry...)
-- dave q (scrape10...), February 19th, 2003 12:19 PM.

wow.

-- jenni (jenn...) (webmail), April 13th, 2004 3:45 PM. (Matt DC) (later) (link)

Oh yeah, Freddy would totally be rolling over in his grave if he knew he was being associated with raging boners.

-- Kim (grimstitc...), April 13th, 2004.

Well, the whole thread really: The BLASPHEMOUS thread.

Fire-eater? Yes, I am that.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), April 13th, 2004 6:39 PM. (nickdastoor) (later)

South Africa. That Mandela dude's been buckin us for years.
-- omg (o...), April 13th, 2004 1:14 PM.

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Dude, he's retired.
-- The Huckle-Buck (handsomishbo...), April 13th, 2004 1:34 PM. (Horace Mann)

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'Dude, he's retired.'
So we're just going to let him get away with all his crimes?

-- omg (o...), April 13th, 2004 1:36 PM.

Man that thread rules.

I'm in Awe.

-- mandee (mandeewrigh...), April 13th, 2004

I'm a sucker for posts about Comic Sans.

-- Ricardo (boyofbadger...), April 13th, 2004. (later) (link)

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Rocket from the crypt.

-- El Diablo Robotico (nicolew1...), April 13th, 2004. (later) (link)

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Dan confirm this

-- omg (o...), April 13th, 2004. (later) (link)

-- Donna Brown (summerbabe82...), April 13th, 2004. (Donna Brown) (later)

It's a Catch-Something-Else-Entirely if you're not careful.

-- The Huckle-Buck (handsomishbo...), April 13th, 2004. (Horace Mann) (later)

"Not About Your Little Dick Issues: Evolving ILM in the Year of the Baltimore Bitches"

-- M@tt He1geson (matt@game[remove]informer.com), April 13th, 2004.

-- BLUNOTEFANN (BLAKEYROOL...), April 13th, 2004. (later) (link)

-- martin m. (marti...), April 13th, 2004.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

ABORT PROJECT STOOL PIGEON! ABORT!

-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...), April 13th, 2004.

-- dean! (¢¼¢À¢...), April 13th, 2004. (deangulberry) (later)

okay so I figured "this won't be bad, maybe some awkwardness and depending on how it is I'll either keep going to the kitchen or run back to my room"
so of course I walk out there and she's got her ass in the air while this scrawny indie fop WEARING A TRUCKER HAT AND NOTHING ELSE is attempting to INSERT HIS COCK IN HER ASS.

ON MY COUCH

I go out and this sight actually caused me to go "oh ugh god!" My roommate tumbled out of her awkward position onto the floor landing on her shoulder and Trucker Hat fell to his side with a grunt. my roommate shrieked "what are you doing home?!" and scampered into her room, almost on all fours, past me. she slammed the door behind her. Trucker Hat gathered his pants and RAN INTO THE KITCHEN

of course i followed him and he was sputtering "sorry dude sorry dude" and I just said "let me get my sandwich and you go clean up MY couch!" he again said "sorry sorry sorry" and ran out of the kitchen and to the bedroom, he pounded on the door and asked to be let in, and my roommate let him in.

MY LIVING ROOM SMELLS LIKE NOTHING I'VE SMELLED BEFORE

-- Gear! (drink_to_remembe...), April 13th, 2004 4:10 PM. (later)

I don't know if I'd ever actually laughed out loud at ILE before.

"you want to take it up the ass, take it on your bed."

-- Gear! (drink_to_remembe...), April 13th, 2004 5:27 PM.

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also: domestically.
-- mark p (mark.p****...)

-- Jarlr'mai (parker...), April 13th, 2004 2:55 PM. (jarlrmai)

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how many times have i heard THAT before and ended up disappointed?
-- strongo hulkington (dubplatestyl...), April 13th, 2004 3:28 PM. (later)

-- stevem (bluesk...), April 13th, 2004 11:32 PM. (blueski) (later)

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"you had me at johnson"
-- mark p (mark.p****...), April 14th, 2004 2:54 AM. (Mark P) (later)

-- adam (hexenductio...) (webmail), April 14th, 2004. (adam)

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I didn't know what a "blumpkin" is, so I checked www.urbandictionary.com. You crazy Anglos have a word for that??!!

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), April 14th, 2004. (later)

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we get it so often that's why
-- ken c (pykachu10...), April 14th, 2004. (later)

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Please tell me he wasn't wearing a foam mesh John Deere hat
-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), April 14th, 2004 10:43 AM. (Oops) (later)

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No. She was.
-- Kim (grimstitc...), April 14th, 2004 10:44 AM. (Kim) (later)

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did she scream "take me to the North Pole, big daddy!!"
-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), April 14th, 2004 10:45 AM. (Oops) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Actually it was more along the lines of him repeatedly calling her a "HO!"
-- Kim (grimstitc...), April 14th, 2004 10:49 AM. (Kim) (later)

"This just highlights the ignorance and uncultured opinions of the vast majority of those from that unfortunate country you call "America" (I call land of wankers)."
my point is that lots of non-americans hold the "uncultured opinion" that ocs are a pile of poo, so we can't really put 'scene hate down to being from "the land of wankers". probably has more to do with dissatisfaction with the music itself.

"Everyone has there Individual tastes"

quite.

can you point out what's great about OCS without insulting those who don't like them? my favourite music has been ripped into lots of times on ilx, but i don't insult the people who criticise. possibly they apply different criteria towards musical excellence - and the qualities i see in it are the same things that turn others off.

-- Kilian (kilian.murphy2...), April 13th, 2004. (later)

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wanker
-- Kilian (kilian.murphy2...), April 13th, 2004. (later)

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There we go, a semi intelligent post from stevem
Well done, even got in some big words. Though patting yourself on the back really spoilt it.
Cliched 60's bullshit?
Cliched?
Be honest, did you copy and paste this sentance from the catchphrase archives?
"riding on a wave of cliched 60s bullshit nostalgia and competent yet turgid rock grooves interspersed with dull castoff Weller lyric"
Sounds like dialogue from the movie almost famous yes?
Do you write for Rolling Stone?
Does it matter that OCS are in your eyes "not considered cool"?
Are we striving for a CD collection that will be regarded as cool?
I think its about enjoying the music.
Good luck stevem but unfortunatly I suspect that no matter how hard you try you will never be cool.
I have not added a b) either, does this make me great too?

-- TDM (leowankeri...), April 13th, 2004. (later)

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wanker
-- Kilian (kilian.murphy2...), April 13th, 2004. (later)

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Jesus Kilian,
And I had you down for a half-wit nacker strugling to come to terms with the English language. Impressive post, I'll consider myself told shall I.
I am sure that your dissatifaction with their music has the band in bits
I leave it there shall I, I was asked to defend the puchase of OCS albums and I have done so. If I have offended the thin skinned posters of this forum then so be it, you'll get over it.
I'm sure most of you already have.

-- TDM (leowankeri...), April 13th, 2004. (later)

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wanker
-- Kilian (kilian.murphy2...), April 13th, 2004. (later)

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Hey Kilian,
Call me a wanker again.
-- TDM (leowankeri...), April 13th, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once more....

-- TDM (leowankeri...), April 13th, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm sure most of you already have"
All but Kilian I see
..... let me guess "wanker" right?

-- TDM (leowankeri...), April 13th, 2004. (later)

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i thought you said you were going to "leave it there"?
wanker.

-- Kilian (kilian.murphy2...), April 13th, 2004. (later)

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Yer good point,
I did say that, I'll go to bed then.
Just a thought, but have you realised that the name Kilian is latin for blind?
Interesting...
Hang on what am I again?
.... ahh a wanker thats right

-- TDM (leowankeri...), April 13th, 2004. (later)

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"Interesting..."
uh, not really.

-- Kilian (kilian.murphy2...), April 13th, 2004. (later)

-- Ronan

-- M@tt He1geson (matt@game[remove]informer.com), April 13th, 2004 6:50 PM. (Matt Helgeson) (later) (link)

* People with oyster cards who dawdle at the ticket barrier when their spacevoucher refuses to work.

-- Jerry the Nipper (jerrythenippe...), April 14th, 2004 4:01 PM.

I was thinking hard: "Should I lie to her?". But the thing is, I really can't lie, I'm terribly bad it.

So I told her the truth:
"I think it sucked."

She was like, "Oh. Okay.". After that, she decided to go home.

Should I have lied to her and said, "Oh, I though it was so sad and great too. Can I cry on your shoulder?". I don't know.

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), April 14th, 2004.

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No, she sounds like a crashing bore.
-- stockholm cindy (disco_frie...), April 14th, 2004.

-- HUGH G RECTION (77...), April 14th, 2004. (later) (link)

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Really? That's rather interesting.

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), April 14th, 2004. (later) (link)

Nineteen posts in and no one's voted Albarn.
-- roxymuzak (rox...)

He's being used as the scale.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...)

-- Robbie Lumsden (

A brilliant non-sequitur from the "First Against the Wall" thread

-- strongo hulkington (dubplatestyl...), April 14th, 2004. (later) (link)

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You don't even know yet whether that would be bad! You're all "don't go into the basement" and you don't even know if it's a horror movie, the basement could be full of Muppets and punch.
-- Tep (te...), April 14th, 2004. (later)

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-The Melvins
-Arab Strap
-Men of porn
-RHCP
-A band I dont know
-Mars Volta
-Modest Mouse
-Flaming lips
-Billy Talent
-This year American Idols' winner
-Motorhead
-Dizzee Rascalz
-Sonic Youth
-Belle and Sebastian
-Another band I've never heard of
-Brandy and Monica (reunion show)
-Zero 7
-Mum
-Sam Roberts
-Exhumed
-Ned Raggett
-Scissorfight
-Rick Flair (spoken word)
-Aerosmith (Tribute to Wesley Willis)
-Billy Corgan

This is very very very very official, trust me I think I'm still Perry Farrel's brother in law

-- duds (ostl...), April 15th, 2004. (later)

(I like the 'band I don't know' entry best myself.)

How did the yak sweat... no, never mind.
-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...), April 14th, 2004.

WTF is up w/this place these days??

-- Pashmina (pashmin...), April 14th, 2004. (later)

If "this place" is the butt, the answer seems to be "a penis".

-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...), April 14th, 2004. (later)

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I haven't killed myself
-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), April 15th, 2004.

I was going to post Girolamo's post on it's own but then I thought Aja's village idiot/straight man response deserves its own glory too.

-- gygax! (gygax0...), April 15th, 2004.

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a surprise duck in a coconut cream pie
or a surprise duck in a coconut cream pie, after someone put their ass in the coconut cream pie ... THAT would be the worst way.

-- Eisbär (llamasfu...), April 15th, 2004 1:01 PM. (llamasfur)

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We're starting to relive the Gear roommate thread already?
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 15th, 2004 1:02 PM. (Ned)

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Oh, just leave the filthy ducks alone!!
-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), April 15th, 2004 1:02 PM. (aja)

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gooses are filthier ... they poop all over the place!
-- Eisbär (llamasfu...), April 15th, 2004 1:03 PM. (llamasfur)

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This could go to dark, dark places. Dark, dark, creamy places.
-- Tep (te...), April 15th, 2004 1:03 PM. (ktepi)

What's her problem???

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), April 15th, 2004.

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Quick, stop her, Small Wonder!
-- donut bitch (do...), April 15th, 2004.

Bazooka Joe: If you want to take it up the ass, take it on your bed.
Sally: I CAN'T HANDLE THE WOO-YAH!

September 21, 1452

-- Girolamo Savonarola (gsa...), April 15th, 2004. (later) (link)

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Why haven't you died???

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), April 15th, 2004. (later) (link)

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YEAH GIROLAMO, DIE ALREADY.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 15th, 2004. (later) (link)

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I have often thought this.

-- El Diablo Robotico (nicolew1...), April 15th, 2004. (later) (link)

lol, I'm not too sure

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...) (webmail), April 15th, 2004. (Alex in SF)

ouch!!!

Well, if you are denying it, then I guess it's true, but if you are telling the truth, then you're not gay.

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...) (webmail), April 14th, 2004. (aja)

Aja=Socrates

-- Mikey G (...) (webmail), April 15th, 2004. (Mikey G)

I am standing "shoulder to shoulder" with the strong international alliance of free thinkers that is forming - Pinefox, Dave Q, DR C, Alex in NYC.

-- DJ Martian (altmartinu...), October 9th, 2001.

songwriting ability. deep purple? please. i'd call those guys if i needed some FURNITURE moved or something.

-- Lord Custos Omicron (l.custo...), January 14th, 2004.

-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...)

I'm not Socrates. The only time I've ever been Socrates was in a computer card game. I've also played three Socrates in one game once. I also was one of the Socrates' partners. I did even know how to play that card game, whatever it was.

Wasn't this a song from The Lion King?

-- caitlin (wpsal...), May 6th, 2003 9:08 AM

this whole thread is priceless!!! infuriating, but funny!!!

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), April 15th, 2004.

aja can be a whole excelsior thread on her own

----------------------------------------------------------------------

ha ha no one will ever be fool enough to give me 20k words
-- strongo hulkington (dubplatestyl...), April 15th, 2004.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"i envision it sort of as a cross between lipstick traces and rom: spaceknight."
-- strongo hulkington (dubplatestyl...), April 15th, 2004.

-- ken c (pykachu10...), April 15th, 2004 8:29 AM.

I knew someone would post that. But it's also on this thread.

aja can be a whole excelsior thread on her own

-- ken c (pykachu10...), April 15th, 2004 8:29 AM.

I knew someone would post that. But it's also on this thread.

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), April 15th, 2004 5:39 PM.

It's already where it needs to be.

Actually it is better than my friends thinking I'm weird or just not understanding I was sarcastic at times.

This sounds like a line from a pulp novel

Thoraic cavity cake, apparently:

-- winterland (winterland7...), April 15th, 2004 8:11 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

God, that looks gross. I'm mainly grossed out by the "spine."
-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), April 15th, 2004 8:13 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sweet fuckin' Christ!
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), April 15th, 2004 8:14 AM.

Bill: "Hi, where are your condoms?"
Pharmacy person: "Why?"
Bill: "Beca-- wait, what?"
Pharmacy person: "They're over here."

(Showed me to small locked cabinet in which were condoms, KY, and tampons. Yes, they had tampons in the regular aisles and whatnot, too. They just
also had some in the cabinet. I don't know if they were magic cocaine tampons or what.)

-- Tep (te...), April 15th, 2004.

-- phil-two (philtw...), April 15th, 2004 12:49 PM. (phil-two)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

You have a dog?

-- kirsten (kickyouintheshin...), April 15th, 2004 12:51 PM. (kirsten)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

it's a gay thing, kirsten.

-- RJG (r_gillander...), April 15th, 2004 12:52 PM. (RJG)

not on the day he rode that chinese train, please.
-- Ask For Samantha

That's the thing, Morris, the awake at 4am thing - I see things like this and I think "haw haw, they shouldn't have said that" but when I get down, I fear that I'm not watching them lose the election, I'm watching them win it - that they're pursuing a clear and accurate strategy of betting that most people in America are just about done with the polite mask, that they are finished with the failed social experiment (=definitely the last 40 years, almost certainly the separation of church and state nonsense and quite possibly the last five centuries) of pretending to be uncertain in order to be polite to others, that they know what they want and they know George Bush will give it to them: GodGodGod God God, God God GodGod, God God. God24. EverywhereGod. Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess.
-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...) (webmail), April 15th, 2004. (later)

-- curious person (curiousperso...), April 15th, 2004.

Yes, you should---especially as you'd described the root of the U.S. politico system so well....

(that, and I was in the mood to laugh, anyhoo;>)

"Jess's manager is a drummer for the rock band Gay Dad."

-- strongo hulkington (dubplatestyl...), April 15th, 2004. (later)

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 15th, 2004 4:33 PM.

Turduken?
-- Aaron W (nineoclockdro...), April 15th, 2004 4:36 PM.

Gesundheit.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 15th, 2004 4:36 PM.

see, my thinking is that i'm a disagreeable balding fat guy with no prospects, and ANY girl that shows an interest in me should be clung to like a rat infested lifeboat, slowly sinking.
Jess, let me remind you that:

a) you are failing to apply the "how Woody Allen do I sound?" test to your inner monologues: you're only a heartbreak away from "anyone who loves me is terrible because I'm terrible so I hate them" bitterness;

and more importantly, b) Jon Williams has had sex. Your prospects are immense.

-- Tep (te...) (webmail), April 16th, 2004. (later)

We always knew that, Tep.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), April 16th, 2004. (later)

not to mention the size of your packet
-- the surface noise (electricsoun...) (webmail), April 16th, 2004. (later)

[YOU KNOW WHAT i MEAN TO SAY!!!...a FEMALE DOG]?
ok the moderators are completely out of control

-- s1ocki (parrisactava...), April 16th, 2004.

-- The Huckle-Buck (handsomishbo...), April 15th, 2004.

-- m. (mitchnet7...) (webmail), April 16th, 2004. (mitchlnw)

-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), April 16th, 2004. (later)

maybe he just needs to be burped

-- mentalist (pete...), April 16th, 2004. (later)H

Dull? What type of music do you listen to? System of a down or sum 41, that shit is dull. Dave Matthews Band is the most talented and most giving band out there today. I garantee they will stand the test of time and be around for many years to come. P.S. Have you every listenened to anything but radio songs, probally not. You then have no opinion.

yep, it never stops.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), April 11th, 2004 12:57 PM. (vassifer) (later)

Who sent you that?

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), April 11th, 2004 1:08 PM. (aja) (later)

Some excitable lad named "Mike".

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), April 11th, 2004 1:21 PM. (vassifer) (later)

His name is as boring as the Dave Matthews Band.

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), April 11th, 2004 1:29 PM. (aja) (later)

HEY!

-- Michael Daddino (epicharmu...), April 11th, 2004 1:34 PM. (epicharmus) (later)

-- Dadaismus (kcoyne3...), April 16th, 2004. (Dada) (later)

(I don't know why this made me laugh so hard, but it did.)

WE ARE TERRORISTS OF LOVE. YOU WILL KILL WITH YOUR COCK WHEN WE GIVE THE WORD. THE WORD IS "NICKELBACK"

-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...)

ok now the international group of internet users are demanding butt sex too
-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), April 15th, 2004 12:03 AM. (Anthony Miccio) (later)

If the word was Nickelback, I wouldn't even be able to rudely elbow with my cock, much less kill with it.
-- Tep (te...

That's what you think.
-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymiccio@yahoo.com

I'm actually more disturbed by accidentally implying I can normally elbow with my cock as long as Nickelback stays out of it, than I am by Anthony being so authoritative about what I can do with it, but anyway, back to Jess ...
-- Tep (te...), April 15th, 2004 12:06 AM. (ktepi) (later)

http://www.australiagift.com/scrotum_shop/scrotum.htm

-- Tim Blair (timblai...), April 16th, 2004. (later)

Answers

australian women?
i keep my car keys in one.

-- mullygrubber (tinydemon...), April 16th, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who'da thunk it, Gaz is a stylish Auzzie woman!

-- Pinkpanther (pinkpanther4...), April 16th, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you keep your car keys in an australian woman? Wow, that's some cavity!

-- ipsofacto (heyniceti...), April 16th, 2004. (later)

I dig you more every day, Ipso.

you can call me whatever you wish :)

Okay, nice to know, I'm not always comfortable with these InterWeb aliases.

xxx-post

(x-post)

x-post

Haha, they think we're living in a Victorian fantasy. "Okay, now I know your first name, can we shag now?"

;-)

Kate as in yourself, or kate as in Super? What are you saying?

hehehe tube-steak

(x-post)

(What's IM?)

I hadn't even noticed our conversation had decended into a one on one.

I'm one of a growing number
taken for a ride and put out to pasture
waiting like a horse's ass for her to saddle up again
She told me this would last forever
I stuck to her like glue when we were out together
that was when I knew that all of the other studs were not just friends

All the time I felt so small in her world
just another of her many horses
all at her convience all at her command

-- brian (theglar...), April 15th, 2004.

So, I come back from reading Aristotle, and find out that no one wants to talk about scrotum any longer?

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), April 16th, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is not the thread for talk about Aristotle.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 16th, 2004. (later)

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It isn't, I meant that it presented a nice alternative to reading Aristotle. But I guess I'll have to return to the old, ball-les Greek chap.

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), April 16th, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

True, these days he would indeed lack that, as well as much other bodily integrity.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 16th, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I guess I'm being unfair, though, those old Greek chaps paid a lot attention to balls, as well as to other things penile. I just wish Aristotle would've written less about ethics and more about balls.

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), April 16th, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That was what was in the lost book about comedy. The Name of the Rose would have been a lot different if William of Baskerville had gotten the book from Jose only to discover it was nothing but jokes about scrota and ball-punching between two guys named Ephrates and Xenocrates.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 16th, 2004. (later)

What is that urban myth about people who take a certain amount of acid become legally insane? How many hits?

-- andy (and...), April 16th, 2004 7:40 PM.

Yeah - it's 10 or 11. Oh dear.

-- @d@ml (nordiA HREF="mailto:icskilla@hotmail.c">icskilla@hotmail.com), April 16th, 2004 7:51 PM.

Wow, I sure did get pretty close to that in my day.

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), April 16th, 2004 7:56 PM.

not AT ONCE, just an accumulated total.

Jesus, no wonder you are...y'know...like you are.

-- @d@ml (nordiA HREF="mailto:icskilla@hotmail.c">icskilla@hotmail.com), April 16th, 2004 7:58 PM.

ha ha you should hear the shit we recorded that night

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), April 16th, 2004 8:02 PM.

I played HOLES in that drumkit.

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), April 16th, 2004 8:02 PM.

please...no

-- @d@ml (nordicskilla@hotmail.com), April 16th, 2004 8:02 PM. (later)

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 16th, 2004.

Of course a chauvinist like you would say that Matt DC, and yet you'll vote Tory at the next election, like 50 Cent and Jay-Z.
-- Laetitia Heatherington (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), April 16th, 2004.

Well then 'Laetitia' how about you actually walk it like you talk it and show what YOU have done to further the Great Socialist Cause from your parents nice suburban middle class house and STOP INFECTING THE REST OF US WITH YOUR POISON? GOT IT? FUCK YOU! PUNCTUM.
-- Uma Kinkladze (runmd...), April 16th, 2004.

MATT DC YOU ARE SATANS DILDO! IF YOU CAN'T TOLERATE JUST ONE MINUTE OF SERENITY I SUGGEST YOU FUCK RIGHT OFF AND LEAVE THE REST OF US TO SCRABBLE IN THE ANT RIDDEN DIRT FOR A MOMENT OF PEACE. YOU ARE SCUM!
-- Felicity Fulcrum (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), April 16th, 2004.

glorious old skool marcello baiting, fabbylous

Thing is, I can't imagine being called James either! Hardly anyone I know actually calls me James.
-- jel -- (freeduni...), April 16th, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jim-jim?
-- N. (nickdastoo...), April 16th, 2004. (later)

-- ORNALDO BLOOMPS (ORNALD...), April 16th, 2004. (later)

-- Mary (maj23...), April 16th, 2004.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Get over it!" might make for an interesting opening question gambit when interviewing El Mobo.
-- Jerry the Nipper (jerrythenippe...), April 16th, 2004.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Interviewer: "Get over it!"
Morrissey: "O, I don't believe it! Look, don't try it."
-- cozen (coze...), April 16th, 2004.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Get over it Mozza! Hey - you've got to admit that Mike Joyce had a point. Have you patched things up with him yet?"
-- N. (nickdastoo...), April 16th, 2004.

Answers
Ned is orchestrating the career of a set of hobbit Adam & the Ants covers bands.
Jess is emoing.
None of us invented the interweb.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), April 17th, 2004.

just remember, kids, and especially you folks still in grade school, John Cena wants you to cut yourself whenever he loses a match.
It doesn't have to be much, at first, only a little. Just cut a little more each day. John thanks you for sharing in his pain.

-- Some Friendly Advice (scalpe...), April 16th, 2004 8:03 PM. (Kingfish) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hahaha, why not? I predict we'll be seeing them on wedding invites in ten years. Maybe even funeral announcements! Eg:
With deepest commiserations :[

-- the music mole (colinsbarro...), April 17th, 2004.

-- amateur!st (amateur!s...) (webmail), April 17th, 2004 3:15 PM. (amateurist) (later) (link)

You have to type the reverb too.

-- Sick Nouthall (auspiciousfis...) (webmail), April 17th, 2004 3:16 PM. (Nick Southall) (later) (link)

how do you type reverb?

-- zen koan

-- amateur!st (amateur!s...) (webmail), April 17th, 2004 3:16 PM. (amateurist) (later) (link)

Yyoouu ddoo iitt lliikkee tthhiiss..

-- Sick Nouthall (auspiciousfis...) (webmail), April 17th, 2004 3:17 PM. (Nick Southall) (later) (link)

thank you

-- generations of zen masters

-- amateur!st (amateur!s...) (webmail), April 17th, 2004 3:18 PM. (amateurist) (later) (link)

The title he has chosen is rubbish.

Perhaps, one of these days, Reynolds will give one of us a title, or something, rather than sponging off, or from, us, and then wallowing in the lather that the sponge has spawned.

The Nipper's main title was not supposed to be a joke.

-- the blissfox (pinefo...), April 17th, 2004 7:31 PM.

At least, it might be able to be marketed as an avant-garde cartoon for genius children.

-- Nichole Graham (britbab...), April 17th, 2004. (later)

i don't know what that means.

-- mark p (mark.p****...), April 17th, 2004. (later)

I mean that even if the live sequences suck (overacting, stilted perfs are possibilities), the animation may still render the flick worth watching.

-- Nichole Graham (britbab...), April 17th, 2004. (later)

oh! kinda like an avant-garde cartoon for genius children!

-- mark p (mark.p****...), April 17th, 2004. (later)

Haha!

-- Nichole Graham (britbab...), April 17th, 2004. (later)

oh.

-- mark p (mark.p****...), April 17th, 2004. (later)

(Was only applauding you for making us laugh, Mark.)

-- Nichole Graham (britbab...), April 17th, 2004. (later)

why do i suddenly feel like rjg?

-- mark p (mark.p****...), April 17th, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"look at him! he loves it! just like in the encyclopedia!"
-- teeny (teen...), April 17th, 2004.

not a problem ta
-- dog latin (doglati...), January 4th, 2004 5:00 PM.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

not a problem ta
-- john rymes (the_remedy0...), April 17th, 2004 3:57 PM.

is it as bad as the piece in the guardian today suggests (to me) that it is?!
-- toby (toby_ge...), April 17th, 2004 12:43 PM.

yes
-- joan_alone (joan_alone...), April 17th, 2004 12:44 PM.

let me guess:
blah blah bikini wax blah blah no good single rich white men in new york blah blah fashion week blah blah martini blah blah manolo blah blah and they lived happily ever after in connecticut blah blah the end.
-- Sophie Ellis Bextor Birney (hump...), April 17th, 2004 12:48 PM.

{On the "men with blogs" thread, and kinda impossible to contextualise, but, like, actual rolling, here}

-- Mark Meers (mmeer...), April 19th, 2004. (later)

mark, listen to me, RUN

-- mark p (mark.p****...), April 19th, 2004. (later)

-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmore...) (webmail), October 30th, 2002. (Martin Skidmore)

ok, i just saw this one and it made me spew burgundy. first, the sheer insanity of the visual--a Womble shagging *anything* coupled with the fact that when I worked at BOMP! there was a Wombles poster at the door, and every day when I left I looked at it. It was the most innocent thing in the entire building, which was otherwise filled with posters full of drugs, sex, punks, rat pee etc etc.

There is a permanent image of that Wombles poster in my head from the sheer repetition of seeing it day after day (and it is also memorialized in a photo of me and an ex) and now that image is seriously tweaked by the idea that one of those pure, happy Wombles getting down with Martin's wife! AARRGGHHHHH!

- mainly the 'please not to harsh on potted plants!'

-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), April 15th, 2004. (Dan Perry)

ooooooo the visual, the sound, the glory!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, I think it is.
-- winterland (winterland7...), April 19th, 2004.

<x-small>serious question</x-small>

-- stevem (bluesk...), April 16th, 2004 9:53 PM. (blueski)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

heh
-- stevem (bluesk...), April 16th, 2004 9:54 PM. (blueski)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Being x-small could be a hindrance.
-- Archel (dilettant...), April 16th, 2004 10:16 PM. (Archel)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

definitely up for that
-- stevem (bluesk...), April 19th, 2004 1:43 PM. (blueski) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Erm, anywhere showing Stoke vs West Ham?
-- Mikey G (...), April 19th, 2004 1:45 PM. (Mikey G) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Times Square Mega-Plasma
-- stevem (bluesk...), April 19th, 2004 1:57 PM. (blueski) (later)

Welcome aboard, Ned!

-- Beta (andybet...), April 19th, 2004. (later)

Huzzah.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 19th, 2004. (later)

Exactly.

-- Beta (andybet...), April 19th, 2004. (later)

-- CRW (...), April 19th, 2004. (later)

Men hate money.

-- Mr Mime (countandre...), April 19th, 2004. (later)

Men like having money to attract women.

-- CRW (...), April 19th, 2004. (later)

Schooled again

-- Mr Mime (countandre...), April 19th, 2004. (later)

Yes there is a TV commercial for ILM. It involves Jess walking down a dusty road wearing a beret talking shit about crunk.

-- Lynskey (pau...), April 19th, 2004.

"ARE OUTKAST EVIL? WELL, THAT DEPENDS"

-- Dom Passantino (lifetimepilingu...), April 19th, 2004.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Ronan I am down on my knees begging you to write more speeches for Walker to recite
PLEASE I BEG OF YOU

-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...), April 18th, 2004.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah I'm with John here, that's entertainment!
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 18th, 2004.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"THE TROUBLE WITH CRIME IS THERE CAN NEVER BE A GREY AREA. SURE, THERE ARE CASES WHEN YOU KICK TOO HIGH BUT JUSTICE IS NOT AN A LA CARTE MENU. IF I GO TO A RESTAURANT AND ASK FOR SOUP, AND THE WAITER BRINGS SALAD, WHO SHOULD DECIDE WHAT TO DO TO HIM AS PUNISHMENT? IF YOU'RE THINKING ANYONE OTHER THAN YOURS TRULY, THEN I GUESS YOU'D BETTER SPEND ANOTHER YEAR AT THE COLLEGE BOOKS SON"
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), April 18th, 2004.

-- strongo hulkington (dubplatestyl...), April 19th, 2004. (later) (link)

(GODDAMMIT XPOST)

-- lisafrank! (¢¼¢À¢...), April 19th, 2004. (later) (link)

(Perhaps I am laughing at this for the wrong reasons.)

-- Trance is cool

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 19th, 2004 11:52 PM.

doing that for several years has afforded me no relief

-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...), April 19th, 2004. (later)

-- TALAYA (Klendasmit...), April 20th, 2004 5:18 PM. (later)

Answers
I FEEL DONT KNOW
-- KAY (MS.BICT...), April 20th, 2004 5:20 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Steve Allen
-- donut bitch (do...), April 20th, 2004 5:21 PM. (later)

Why is having Basment Jaxx in a Top 5 evidence of an open mind?

-- Mark (-...), April 19th, 2004. (MarkR)

Compared to DeRogatis, it's the difference between 'make fire with flint, Oog' and 'fire up the death beam,
Commander Quarto.'

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 19th, 2004. (Ned)

This offends my metrical sensibilities, but it's the best I can do at the moment.

There once was a man from Tralee... (2 new answers, 15 total)
The Genius that is Patrick Swayze (3 new answers, 76 total)
Its Victoria Day (3 new answers, 13 total)
IS FIFTY CENT GAY? (9 new answers)
This is the thread where we are HAPPY (22 new answers)

-- jazz odysseus (nomorespa...), April 16th, 2004 8:55 AM.

I imagine an unsuccessful monster saying that to Tokyo as a threat.
-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...) (webmail), April 20th, 2004. (Oops)

I don't know why but this amuses me greatly!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

they are all terrible!

-- Julio Desouza (juli...), October 23rd, 2003.

Answers

YEAH

-- Alan (AlanTrewarth...), October 23rd, 2003.

I don't know why, but for me this was one of the funniest ILE moments.

I know! How could that ever happen by chance, its WEIRD.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it's SFW but creepy all the same
-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), April 20th, 2004 6:34 PM. (electricsound)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NSFW encompasses more than just porn. I really don't want any of my coworkers suspecting me of being a creepy nut job cuddle party goer.
-- Ricardo (boyofbadger...), April 20th, 2004 6:35 PM. (RickyT)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also fear of vomit damage to company property.
-- Ricardo (boyofbadger...), April 20th, 2004 6:36 PM. (RickyT)

http://www.cuddleparty.com/
Cuddle Party(ies), Safe Space, Affectionate Play, Welcomed Touch, Recommended Daily Allowance of Welcomed Touch, Cuddle Buddy(ies), Cuddle Life Guard On Duty are all Trademarks of [so and so].

I have nothing to add.

-- Tep (te...), April 19th, 2004.

Answers
i think i just threw up a little in my mouth
-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), April 19th, 2004

not a freak out laugh but definitely a chortle.

-- cory tilbury

Answers
"My baba dant mass arand bacausa sha lavas ma sa and thas a na fa sha"

-- mark grout

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Actual quote from http://www.cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/04/20/woodward.book/index.html
Do you believe him?

-- Michael White (mwwhites...), April 20th, 2004.

Answers

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's also true of me, when I'm all alone.
-- the music mole (colinsbarro...), April 20th, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is being a landlord anything like being a gaylord?
-- @d@ml (nordicskilla@hotmail.com), April 21st, 2004.

-- @d@ml (nordicskilla@hotmail.com) (webmail), April 21st, 2004. (nordicskilla)

-- lukest aka shady1

-- Tep (te...), April 21st, 2004 2:07 PM. (ktepi)

-- Autumn Almanac (ada...) (webmail), April 21st, 2004. (link)

-- Dom Passantino (lifetimepilingu...), April 21st, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cheney's on top, clearly.
-- hstencil (hstenci...), April 21st, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wielding his colon trowel.
-- Michael White (mwwhites...), April 21st, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gotta check for polyps.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 21st, 2004.

---

I mean, why did Mozart write songs for other people to sing? Why didn't the opera divas write their own songs?
...hello. It's two different things. TWO DIFFERENT THINGS

Anyone who's been a performer knows. Anyone who's been a songwriter knows. thanks

-- jessicoo (thehu...), April 21st, 2004. (later)

-- todd swiss (plastiqmusi...), April 21st, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't like Foo Fighters
-- Acid! Polizei! (william...), April 21st, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

what?
-- gygax! (gygax0...), April 21st, 2004. (later)

This sentence fragment has no place in creation.

-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), April 21st, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

save it for the "CANADIANS who pretend to be SCOTTISH - C or D?" thread.
-- hstencil (hstenci...), April 21st, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CANADIANS who pretend to be AMERICANS pretending to be SCOTTISH/IRISH/GERMAN/NORWEGIAN/RUSSIAN/CHINESE/CANADIAN
-- RJG (r_gillander...), April 21st, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AMERICANS who pretend to be CANADIANS who pretend to be AMERICANS pretending to be SCOTTISH/IRISH/GERMAN/NORWEGIAN/RUSSIAN/CHINESE/CANADIAN
-- El Diablo Robotico (nicolew1...), April 21st, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

isn't that some crappy Blur song?
-- hstencil (hstenci...), April 21st, 2004. (later)

Dear God.

but I think it could have been saved had they had more car crashes.
Likewise "the Pianist" and "Prince of Tides".

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), April 21st, 2004 4:48 PM. (vassifer)

Who attacked him - Mark E. Smith?"

You think they were fighting over custody of the teeth?

-- Stewart Osborne (stewart.osborn...) (webmail), April 21st, 2004. (Stewart Osborne)

----------

it's either you or the cracks in the ceiling.
-- stockholm cindy (disco_frie...), April 22nd, 2004.

What if she'd said something like "I'm going to get sport-fucked by a Turkish submarine crew, then spend the rest of the evening shooting fireworks out of my ass"? Then your little going-away party wouldn't seem quite so special, would it?
-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...), April 21st, 2004.

I'm in tears here.

anyl?
-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), April 22nd, 2004.

-- gareth (garet...), April 22nd, 2004 6:49 AM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

http://enchantedvilla.com/buffy/scans/giles.gif
simon reynolds, also yesterday

-- gareth (garet...), April 22nd, 2004 6:49 AM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Basically, I hate myself.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), April 22nd, 2004 10:31 AM. (nickdastoor)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Furtive glances from your eyes might have had better results
-- Dadaismus (kcoyne3...), April 22nd, 2004 10:32 AM. (Dada)

You know the situation where one person trips over another's outstretched irony? See what you think here.

-- Matt DC

trudat.

http://chrisboy.com/img/cy_87_id.jpg

those were the days... (yes, i know i looked like a doofus.)

-- chr1sb0y (chri...), April 22nd, 2004. (later)

WOW are you the love child of Marc Almond and Sally Jesse Raphael????
-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...), April 22nd, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

that's what i make of it
-- s1ocki (parrisactava...) (webmail), April 20th, 2004 7:28 PM. (slutsky) (later) (link)

where is this from? i mean the thing jess quoted?

-- martin m. (marti...), April 22nd, 2004.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), April 22nd, 2004. (tracklink) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's a great thread N, and not just my own posts either!
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), April 22nd, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(sorry)
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), April 22nd, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i initially read that as "fascinating retard."

-- lauren (jaguarrid...), April 22nd, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

they often are
-- amateur!st (amateur!s...), April 22nd, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But N really should stop imprisoning them.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), April 22nd, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, Optimus Prime, you really have gambled all your eggs THIS TIME *manaical laughter*
-- Bigotron (runmd...), April 22nd, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They would if mice could open jars.
-- Johnney B (john.barlo...), April 22nd, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The day mice can open jars I will gladly hold up my hands and say "Fair play - I'll get my coat."
-- N. (nickdastoo...), April 22nd, 2004.

Will The Stone Roses ever reform?

Ah fuck it, I'm ressurecting the Second Coming thread.

-- CRW (...), April 23rd, 2004. (later)

http://www.claybennett.com/images/archivetoons/chicken_little.jpg

-- donut bitch (do...), April 23rd, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oys r us
-- Matt DC (runmd...), April 15th, 2004 11:51 PM. (Matt DC)

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 23rd, 2004.

XTRME!

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...), April 23rd, 2004.

"Wanna bet, son?"
"Dad, NO!!!"

-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...), April 22nd, 2004 2:15 PM. (Dan Perry) (later)

i) In a bookshop in San Francisco, all the way through a copy of some Richard Brautigan book I picked up in a secondhand bookshop were written comments such as: "this paragraph reminds me of that one morning we made love and you were wearing your Rod Laver tennis shoes". Why didn't I buy it?

ii) In Stevenage Library all through the 1980s the town's Trotskyite tendency would annote books about ANYTHING with comments like "and you, you pitiful lapdog, will be first against the wall when the revolution comes."

iii) Yesterday, leafing through a friend's copy of Deleuze and Guattari's 'Nomadology', on one of the final pages: "this is USELESS to me - I am a NOVELIST".

-- Jerry the Nipper (jerrythenippe...), April 16th, 2004 3:35 AM

-- winterland (winterland7...), April 23rd, 2004 9:44 AM.

Yeah I mean it's a BIT hard not to mock a BIT but one thing might be the formation of indie labels, esp in the socialist collective times of whenever might I guess not be that clear a thing
-- Mr Mime (countandre...), April 23rd, 2004 7:40 AM.

Yes, of course i forgot the socialist collectivist aspects of RT which precluded them having a mainman as such and allowed them to rip off bands in a more ethical manner.
-- Dadaismus (kcoyne3...), April 23rd, 2004 7:42 AM.

just tickle his balls
-- cutty (holle...), April 23rd, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

... whose that by?
-- Dadaismus (kcoyne3...), April 23rd, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

that was the title of my compilation which i inadvertently neglected to include...
-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), April 23rd, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i think it's by arthur russell?
-- cutty (holle...), April 23rd, 2004.

The Sin of Pride ... complete with spelling mistake

-- Dadaismus (kcoyne3...) (webmail), April 23rd, 2004. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

has anyone seen my groceries?
-- Sid Barnett (marcellocarli...) (webmail), April 23rd, 2004. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Runny white = double num. It's like playing Russian roulette with your stomach and therefore EDGY.
-- Matt DC (runmd...), April 23rd, 2004 11:43 AM. (Matt DC)

--------------------------------------------------

Because the guy who posted the thread wanted to talk about the cover Geir, that's why. Nice to have you back.
-- Dadaismus (kcoyne3...), April 23rd, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i hate cheerleaders kill them all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-- katie jarrell (pinkpanther08m...), April 23rd, 2004. (later)

Leonard Cohen - Why Don't You Try

'Sorry about the enormous length of that Felt post I did: virtually the first
thing I send to the list. I hope it didn't come across like someone wanking
off at great length. Apologies, anyway.'

That's from the real Alexis Petridis. I think it shows that, deep down, he's a nice chap.

What I'm going to do now is have a bit of a rummage around and see if I can find 'Way to Blue'. I'm sure it'll tkae me back to the day I bought it, in Irun, and went to sit by the church in Hondarribia to read the booklet really quietly. It was really mindblowing, because the booklet has ivy all over it and so does the church, and it was in full bloom, and the almost inaudible chirrup of ivy-dwelling insects was overwhelming, a bit like when you're seventeen and you get drunk and you have a snog.

No 'Introduction', Pinefox, but it is subtitled, 'An Introduction to Nick Drake'.

xxx

-- PJ Miller (pjmiller6...), April 23rd, 2004 6:38 PM.

I didn't, when I was seventeen.

I agree about the ivy and stuff though.

I done wrong again.

xxx

-- the bellefox (pinefo...), April 23rd, 2004 6:42 PM.

I think N., I mean, Nick, Drake should be listened to on warm Spring evenings with a glass of wine and what might have been hope fading out across a deep light blue sky.

xxxx

-- the blissfox (pinefo...), April 23rd, 2004 6:43 PM.

i think i've entered into a not-appreciating-nick-drake phase, unexpectedly

-- amateur!st (amateur!s...), April 23rd, 2004 6:47 PM

I always thought it was Satan on the cover, I've never looked closely before.

-- jel -- (freeduni...), April 23rd, 2004 6:13 PM.

BURP, YOU BIG PIG
-- andrew 'dean!' clay (|¢¼¢À¢¾...), April 23rd, 2004 6:55 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HICKORY DICKORY DOCK, CLEAN OUT YOUR BELLY BUTTON YOU DISGUSTING HAM BEAST
-- andrew 'dean!' clay (|¢¼¢À¢¾...), April 23rd, 2004 6:58 PM. (later)

OH! SIT ON IT, FAT GIRLS

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stand and be mounted!
-- The Huckle-Buck (handsomishbo...), April 23rd, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm getting out of this thread before I get pegged.
-- Gear! (drink_to_remembe...), April 23rd, 2004.

... YOU FLAMING QUEEN BASTARD

A TROLL

"A troll who?!"

A TROLL WHO FUCK YOU LADY

-- andrew 'dean!' clay (|¢¼¢À¢¾...), April 23rd, 2004 7:22 PM.

Stop it now.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

that is SO photoshopped.
-- maria tessa sciarrino (mari...), April 23rd, 2004 11:18 AM. (theoreticalgirl)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

yeah you're right...wooden flooring with that penis?
-- ... (a...), April 23rd, 2004 11:28 AM.

-- Joe Billy Tam (bonniecam6...), April 24th, 2004. (later)

a) Lunge for it like a rabid dog
b) Wait patiently, banking on there being one small burnt piece left
c) Invent an excuse to get up and speak to the person next in line for it, and discreetly put some in your pocket
d) Say you're vegetarian

2. When at market you salivate over a gorgeous head of lettuce. Do you

a) Wonder what the fuck is wrong with you
b) Spend your last 50 cents on it
c) Stave off your desire and increase your sperm count
d) Go home and eat that roast beef you hid in your pocket

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), April 23rd, 2004.

-- CRW (...), April 24th, 2004 2:31 PM.

it's a joke about how frisco's built on the faultline and they're all gonna die
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), April 22nd, 2004.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

cheery
-- amateur!st (amateur!s...), April 22nd, 2004.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

it's some heavy shit, man
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), April 22nd, 2004.

-- Dorien Thomas (ceubaw...), April 24th, 2004 6:22 PM.)

Answers
He was the king of the Shews.
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), April 24th, 2004 4:37 PM.

Unfortunatley, you can't tell the difference any more. Ergo,

imitating lil jon = dud.

-- djdee2005 (esl...), April 19th, 2004 9:59 PM. (later)

shoulda known better than to cheat a friend
whose subsequent solo album became the stuff of comic legend

-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...), April 25th, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

!!!

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), April 25th, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FINLAND GOT NEXT
-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...), April 25th, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No. Don't do that.
-- Kim (grimstitc...), April 26th, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think the unspoken message is not to do any of these things, Kim.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), April 26th, 2004.

-- Trayce (trayc...), April 26th, 2004 12:53 PM. (trayce)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

cos you're SOOOOOO sweet!
-- mullygrubber (tinydemon...), April 26th, 2004 1:00 PM. (gaz)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I left that unsaid, but thanks for running with it gaz ;D I'm sure Ned is quaking puking in his shoes now.
-- Trayce (trayc...), April 26th, 2004 2:40 PM. (trayce)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

poor Ned. poor tasty, tasty Ned.
-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), April 26th, 2004 2:49 PM. (electricsound)

-- This Guy In The Club (last night), April 26th, 2004.

I know they said this is an open message forum, but this is ridiculous.
-- mark grout (mark.grou...), April 26th, 2004 2:07 AM. (later)

I nominate the anti-Ned.

-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...), April 26th, 2004. (later) (link)

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Hey, I'll vote for that. Um, who is this person?

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 26th, 2004. (later) (link)

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He is the little man behind the scenes. He is the mover and the shaker.

-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...), April 26th, 2004. (later) (link)

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it's me. i just don't show it.

-- g-kit (gregkitte...), April 26th, 2004. (later) (link)

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He knows your deepest, darkest secrets.

-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...), April 26th, 2004. (later) (link)

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pah. back to lurking. grumble grumble, mutter mutter.
see?
told you so, yo.

-- g-kit (gregkitte...), April 26th, 2004. (later) (link)

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VengaDan, that sounds like the protagonist from every Siouxsie and the Banshees song.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 26th, 2004. (later) (link)

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"Please......no.........not the anti-Ned!!!"
"I'm afraid so"

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), April 26th, 2004. (later) (link)

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you know on irc, the /ignore setting? do you get that on here, too?

-- g-kit (gregkitte...), April 26th, 2004. (later) (link)

-- The Second Drummer Drowned (jeremy721...), April 26th, 2004.

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are you saying ilx is real
-- dyson (dyspleasur...), April 26th, 2004 1:02 PM. (later)

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I know a guy whose cousin logged on to ilx once, seriously.
-- Tep (te...), April 26th, 2004 1:03 PM. (later)

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Lies!
-- luna (luna_cee...), April 26th, 2004 1:04 PM. (later)

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I think I saw something about this on In Search Of... one time.
-- The Huckle-Buck (handsomishbo...), April 26th, 2004 1:08 PM. (later)

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When I was 8, I had to show McGruff the Crime Dog where ilx touched me, on a G.I. Joe doll.
-- Tep (te...), April 26th, 2004 1:09 PM. (later)

sorry, I had to go to dinner - you wouldn't think an Indian restaurant called "Abortion Time" would have the best samosas in town, but there you go
-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...), April 26th, 2004 9:10 AM. (J0hn Darn1elle)

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OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY
-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...), April 26th, 2004 9:10 AM. (J0hn Darn1elle)

Momus and Darn1elle rejoined forces recently to record the video for the song "Abortion Time!", in the same studio where the pair recorded their uptempo electronic pop hit.

"[Momus and I] hooked up one year at the trucker hat thread and argued," Darn1elle said of first meeting his collaborator. "I had the idea for the song, and he came to the Midwest, and we sat down together and bounced ideas off of each other. We wrote and recorded the song in a day and had fun hanging out for the next two days."

The jaunty "Abortion Time!" finds Momus and Darn1elle trading verses about the kooky hijinks that ensue when an abortion is scheduled.

The single is scheduled to arrive in stores on May 6th.

-- El Diablo Robotico (nicolew1...), April 27th, 2004.

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, ROMEO AND JULIET ***

Transcribed by DIANA BRUMLEY, GATICADECALI@HOTMAIL.COM

ROMEO: OMG WANA DOO IT??!!1 I HAS FAKE BUTTOCKSSSSSSSSSSSSS
JUELIT: WTF OK
ROMERO: UH OH I HAS DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL
JULET: ME TO WTF

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, ROMEO AND JULIET ***

-- Autumn Almanac (ada...), April 27th, 2004.

You'd be amazed at how much homoerotic subtext you can get from "Akhilleus studied Hektor's beautiful body up and down, looking for the place where his spear might most easily pierce it" (or words to that effect). Wait, did I say subtext? I meant text. It sort of gets to the point where you find the word 'thongs' and go "whee! thongs!" and then discover they're being looped inside the fleshy part where someone's ankle and foot meet, this hole bored between the tendons, and I don't care if he's dead, that's still... ow.

-- cis (blindcalcha...), April 27th, 2004 6:38 AM. (later)

posted April 25, 2004 03:06 PM
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I need a way to clean a fitted without fucking it up.

posted April 25, 2004 03:11 PM
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Wet rag & Oxy Clean shit's good as new. Cold water tho.

posted April 25, 2004 03:57 PM
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yo i put a flexfit kangol through the dishwasher with one of those platic hat cages and the shit never was the same

dont be a cheap ass, just buy a new fucking hat and have more than one favorite hat, you got to switch your style up, that way you always looking fresh

fuck washing a hat

(I'm crying now.)

I dunno why but I'm still larfing...

when we were kids we would drink koolaid all day and then gather round the ol pepole and just whizz and whizz

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), April 27th, 2004.

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I think guys should really start a campaign where we talk up what a pain in the ass it is to shave our faces daily. Because, you know, uh, it is. It's tough, dude, and painful, and boy is it ever time-consuming. Yeah.
-- TOMBOT (on...), October 7th, 2003.

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Sometimes, when I get razor burn, I just want to blow my head off with a poisonous shotgun.
-- NA (emmaa...), October 7th, 2003.

-- :| (...), April 27th, 2004.
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That looks like a mace coming out of that ass.

-- dean!dean!dean (|¢¼¢À¢¾...), April 27th, 2004.
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*inset Ma$e picture WHERE?????*

-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...), April 27th, 2004.

-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...), April 27th, 2004. (later)

OMG LOL WTF TIEM FOR BOOTYCURE 3: THE HUXTABLING

-- nickalicious (nza2342...), April 27th, 2004. (later)

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I K-N-O-W the theme is obvious. But Im writing an essay and my head is EMPTY right now....
Which songs do you think are most interesting in terms of a religious dimension on this record - and why?
What role does the use of religious language, symbolism play here? Where is Cave's relation to rock history in using the language of faith in quite unconventional ways? Or would you call it unconventional at all?
And now sb will come and say there's been a thread on this before. But I want to hear your personal views.

-- Rush Rhees (fjodor80...), April 27th, 2004.

Answers
"Into My Arms" is on that right? Which is kind of a song about Cave letting go of his belief in "an interventionist god" but admitting that he still has the desire that motivates such a belief--i.e. the yearning for some higher power that will listen to supplication and make the difficult world a better place to live in. I think his ambivolence is composed of sadness over his powerless position in the situation, disgust at his passivity, lament that their is no Deus ex Machina that will step in and fix things for him, acceptance of the impulse to believe that their is, and resignation over all of these facts combined. I guess that was a little garbled, but maybe helpful...?
-- poop (magne...), April 27th, 2004.

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I'd like to speak for everybody who finished school before the Interweb became widely accessible in saying:
Fuck Off. Do your own Homework.

-- noodle vague (noodle_vagu...), April 27th, 2004.

basement jaxx f toby keith - iraq
-- trife

basement jaxx f benzino and lou bega - welcome to the terrordome
-- trife

basement jaxx f ludacris and trick daddy - talk like sex pt iii
-- trife

basement jaxx f ilx choir - we are the world
-- trife

basement jaxx f trina & missy - age of aquarius
-- strongo hulkington

basement jaxx f 702 - up, up, and away (in my beautiful balloon)
-- strongo hulkington

basement jaxx f r kelly and good charlotte - stairway to heaven
-- trife

basement jaxx f ja rule - inka dinka doo
-- trife

basement jaxx f marilyn manson - only women bleed
-- strongo hulkington

basement jaxx f vangelis - miami vice theme song
-- strongo hulkington

basement jaxx f avril lavigne and xzibit - gangsta boi
-- trife

basement jaxx f busta and lou rawls - i know u got soul
-- strongo hulkington

basement jaxx f daft punk - RUN HIPSTERS RUN
-- trife

basement jaxx f prince - 2 u 4 u by u 2
-- strongo hulkington

basement jaxx f ginuwine - dirty deeds done dirt cheap
-- trife

basement jaxx f fat joe - your body is a wonderland
-- trife

basement jaxx f kelly osbourne & mandy moore - girls just wanna have fun
-- g--ff c-nn-n

trife f kelly osbourne - uh yeah im in basement jaxx, cmere and uh audition into my parlour
-- trife

basement jaxx f jay-z - u better work (covergirl)
-- strongo hulkington

basement jaxx f uncle kracker and force mds - love train
-- trife

basement jaxx f dave matthews - law and order theme
-- g--ff c-nn-n

strongo f mandy moore - strongo wants sex (remixed but still horny)
-- strongo hulkington

basement jaxx f noreaga - things that make you go hmmm
-- trife

basement jaxx f tricky - my iron lung
-- strongo hulkington

STRONGO WANT SEX
-- trife

basement jaxx f beenie man - my favorite things
-- strongo hulkington

basement jaxx f dc talk and the xecutioners- (dont you) forget about me
-- trife

strongo f trife - thread wrekkaz
-- trife

basement jaxx f david gahan - are you gonna go my way
-- g--ff c-nn-n

(basement jaxx f common - funky cold medina 3000)
-- trife

-- Autumn Almanac (ada...), April 28th, 2004 8:28 PM. (Autumn Almanac) (later)

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, ROMEO AND JULIET ***

Transcribed by DIANA BRUMLEY, GATICADECALI@HOTMAIL.COM

ROMEO: OMG WANA DOO IT??!!1 I HAS FAKE BUTTOCKSSSSSSSSSSSSS
JUELIT: WTF OK
ROMERO: UH OH I HAS DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL
JULET: ME TO WTF

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, ROMEO AND JULIET ***

-- Autumn Almanac (ada...), April 27th, 2004.

(hey, it made me laff)

an audiance with Skibadee, Shabba-Dee and Mc Det
Scooter do Hasslehof
A historical reinactment of The Battle of Evermore
Voices from the fringe-those who didn't like Lord of the rings
Paul Mcartney live from Angola

-- lukey

what the - girls have boobs?!?!? Why didn't anybody tell me?
I think Christgau alluded to it once, but it probably went over your head.

-- frankE (frankeeeeeeee...), April 23rd, 2004.

Gerald Krasner
-- Dave B (dave.boyl...), April 28th, 2004 1:27 PM

I don't care if it was my post. It made me laugh. And so it's in.

2. As I later wrote to you, you've had a substantial amount of work from me, including your first Album & Reissue of the month. It seems sad that you're so unconcerned about the end of a relationship with the first publication to give you print work.

3. I asked you to review the Bay City Rollers reissues because, as I told you, I felt you were one of the few writers who could provide some kind of insight and perspective without being cattily dismissive. That's hardly an 'indignity.'

4. Uncut isn't perfect. We exist in the marketplace, with all the vitiated imperatives that implies.

5. You also need to understand that if you intend to work in anyway in print media, you will have to follow a bassline of professionalism: one of the things this means is that if your editor asks you to tweak a line, you don't throw your toys out of the pram. Often it means that they're actually bothering to engage with your work, which is actually a compliment.

6. You also need to realise that Time Out and Uncut are very different magazines, and that if they are willing to run your copy unchanged, that may be for a whole range of reasons, and not simply because they see it as tablets of stone. I will be interested to see whether you're still as enamoured of TO in 6 months time; remember, 6 months ago, you were very happy to be working for Uncut.

7. I mailed you and said the door was still open here, but that you had to reply. You have chosen instead to continue this brittle carping. It is your choice that Uncut's reviews section is no longer home to your occasionally glorious subversion. I think that's a shame.

David

-- David Peschek (david_pesche...), April 28th, 2004. (later)

-- Jeanne Fury (jeannefur...), April 28th, 2004. (later)

yeah, that's the totally cool part. haha, now that you mention it I just remembered me and mr teeny high-fived each other when we saw a herpes
medication commercial: "whoo hoo! no STDs!"

-- teeny (teen...), April 28th, 2004. (later)

i know it's an error but i like to think not.

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I haven't.
-- Stuart (gonzomoos...), April 28th, 2004 3:33 PM. (Stuart)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

what's your batting average?
-- hstencil (hstenci...), April 28th, 2004 3:34 PM. (hstencil)

david johansen as adam ant

morrissey as david johansen

joey fatone as morrissey

-- fact checking cuz (factcheckingcu...), April 27th, 2004.

-- Michael White (mwwhites...), April 28th, 2004.

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it was his average blood alcohol content
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), April 28th, 2004.

-- metfigga (mattandc...), April 28th, 2004.

xpost, okay now it is funny, never mind.

But look a little closer and things start to get interesting. Irwin knows crocs better than crocs know Irwin. So before the croc even moves, Irwin's got her tied up. Exit croc.

Steve Irwin is chunky and insane but obviously no match for either of the two remaining participants - unless he can enlist the croc to his cause, which he can't, so bye bye Irwin. He is despatched by Chan and Tyson, and becomes an Aussie legend like all the rest. We probably name a day after him and take a holiday in his honour; it gives us another reason to hate the Yanks; and no-one else cares. You little beauty, Steve. You coulda been a contender.

OK, back to the action. Tyson and Chan are left. I will go out on a limb here and say Chan, cos my impression is that top karate practitioners have the edge over top boxers, as they just know where and how to hit. Has Tyson got his boxing gloves on? That means he can't get to Chan below the buckle unless he kicks, and he doesn't know how to kick. Chan wins with a vicious sequence of kicks and chops.

-- the music mole (colinsbarro...), April 28th, 2004.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

finding n. emo
-- strongo hulkington (dubplatestyl...), April 26th, 2004.

-- jel --

-- miloauckerman (suspectdevic...), April 29th, 2004 11:36 PM. (miloauckerman) (later)

what about the pretty lady?

-- s1ocki (parrisactava...), April 29th, 2004 11:38 PM. (slutsky) (later)

I don't remember that much about Wings.

-- miloauckerman (suspectdevic...), April 29th, 2004 11:40 PM. (miloauckerman) (later)

-- tokyo rosemary (rosemarygilber...), April 29th, 2004 11:48 PM. (rosemary) (later)

< less than

= equal to

* something special

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), April 29th, 2004 1:19 AM. (aja) (later)

$ money

# number

! OH, YEAH

-- cozen (coze...), April 28th, 2004 7:24 PM. (later)

I'm sorry, but I am crying with laughter at the thought of a ferret trying to 'get down and funky' with unsuspecting cats.

Edited a bit but still...

-- Josh in Chicago (Vitesse9...), April 29th, 2004. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

mm, chocolate.
-- teeny (teen...), April 5th, 2003 5:42 PM. (teeny) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i hope my pocket is comfortable because that's where you're staying you incorrigible little bastards!!
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), April 5th, 2003 5:49 PM. (dubplatestyle) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

mm, jess's pocket.
-- teeny (teen...), April 5th, 2003 5:50 PM. (teeny) (link)