XXXcelsior: Return of the Mack [an excelsior production]

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What are the 13 before that?

-- Forest Pines (forestpine...), July 30th, 2005 9:26 AM. (ForestPines)

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1. Pressing refresh on the new answers page so frequently that sometimes it doesn't even change
2. Checking your favourite current threads before you have breakfast (me, now).
3. Cancelling shutting down your pc at the last minute just so you can have one quick look at new answers.
4. Emailing friends about ongoing threads even though you know they're reading it anyway.
5. ILX Dreams.
6. Getting annoyed when your idea of a good thread dies.
7. Bumping said tread because you can't accept no-one else is interested.
8. Bookmarking more than three boards (I have music, everything and books so I think I'm ok).
9. Thinking about threads on your way home from work, wondering how they're progressing.
10. Composing messages in your head when you're nowhere near a computer.
11. Using ilxisms in everyday conversation, to the bafflement of your friends and family.
12. Thinking of yourself/introducing yourself as your screenname.
13. KNowing the 14 signs of ilx dependency.
-- Onimo (gerry.wat...), July 30th, 2005 9:34 AM. (GerryNemo)

In a world of lesser carbohydrates, plain bread bestrides the world like a collossus. For those who have never encountered this behemoth, a brief description. Rather than square, plain bread is loosely rectangular around 7" tall by about 4" wide. The top and bottom crusts are around half an inch thick (including the immediately surrounding bread) and most closely resemble masonry painted black. The intervening six inches comprises dough with an atomic weight in five figures. It wasn't so much mixed, as drew the ingredients into the gravitational field it was generating. Eating it requires a spare set of jaws, to take up the chewing when your normal set are tired.

The Pilgrim Fathers took large amounts of plain bread with them to the Americas as temporary accomodation. The Titanic is rumoured to have sunk following an unsuccessful attempt to patch the iceberg hole with plain bread, leading to a weight shift and change in centre of gravity for the hull causing it to tip. A small child once survived in an old fridge in Barlanark for 8 weeks, living on rainwater and half a slice of plain bread.

So why do we love it? Well, it makes great toast (not that it fits in a toaster) especially with lemon curd. But the main reason is surely that most lovely of treats made from leftovers, the PIECE 'n' MINCE.
Name me another bread man enough to carry mince, gravy, carrots and totties without leaking or falling apart.

Exactly.

-- aldo_cowpat (aldo.cowpa...), July 27th, 2005 10:59 AM. (aldo_cowpat)

-- Allyzay (whateve...), October 22nd, 2003 10:17 PM.

-- Rumpy Pumpkin (the24hrsleepe...), March 1st, 2004 5:50 PM.

After Floella Benjamin, 80's kids t.v presenter. I wonder what she's doing nowadays....

-- Rumpy Pumpkin (the24hrsleepe...), March 1st, 2004 5:57 PM.

My friend worked on a programme Floella B was doing for a while and reported that she's a real bitch and hates kids.

-- Archel (dilettant...), March 2nd, 2004 5:00 PM.

right, and when i want to listen to rap i just turn on someone else's record and talk over it.
-- el sabor de gene (yn...), October 30th, 2005. (later)

Very strange man.

-- Trayce (spamspanke...), October 28th, 2005 1:17 PM. (trayce) (later)

that's hilarious

-- estela (estelaisale...), October 28th, 2005 1:27 PM. (estela) (later)

He used to be the olympics team head physio at the Moscow ones, I think.

He was insane.

-- Trayce (spamspanke...), October 28th, 2005 1:33 PM. (trayce) (later)

Yes indeed. You must be wide awake to play the didgeridoo.

-- moley (dominakto...), October 28th, 2005 2:58 PM. (moley) (later)

hi moley! I didn't know about the didgeridoo alertness rule, I shall from now on think of you as 'protocol s. barrow'.

-- estela (estelaisale...), October 28th, 2005 3:06 PM. (estela) (later)

Except he carries his belongings around in a plastic bag and can't afford shoes.
-- Curt1s Stephens

"hobosexual"
-- Curt1s Stephens

Blount and Trife, if you ever meet him on the UGA campus, please steal his poofy jacket and dumb blue sandals.
-- Curt1s Stephens

Actually, the better question is: what the hell is Avril gonna do in her next video. I mean, this is pretty fucking hard to top. Avril is going to have to do some majorly fucked up shit to top the butter on this angst.

-- iDonut B4 x86 (do...), October 30th, 2005. (later)

Abortion, yo.
-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), October 30th, 2005. (later)

lysol douche
-- jagged little filly (theundergroundhom...), October 30th, 2005. (later)

werewolf rape
-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), October 30th, 2005. (later)

final stages of aids
-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), October 30th, 2005. (later)

aids wolf
-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), October 30th, 2005. (later)

-- beanz (beanzil...), October 31st, 2005 12:33 PM. (beanz) (later)

-- Cunga (visionsofjohann...), October 31st, 2005 7:10 AM. (Cunga) (later)

-- Dan (Excruciating Back Pain) Perry (djperry@gmail.com), October 31st, 2005. (later)

start with ilx

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), October 31st, 2005. (later)

---

I know how to write features. Which I assume will save me once rock writing turns into nothing but referencing an obscure line from a popular rap song followed by talking about yourself for five paragraphs.

-- Whiney G. Weingarten (cweingarte...), October 31st, 2005. (later)

you're acting like it's not already

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), October 31st, 2005. (later)

-- Josh in Chicago (Vitesse9...) (webmail), October 31st, 2005. (link)

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wah wahhh

-- _ (...) (webmail), October 31st, 2005. (link)

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...) (webmail), October 31st, 2005 5:13 PM. (jaymc) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

xpost

!!!!!

-- ken c (pykachu10...), October 31st, 2005 10:21 PM. (ken c) (later)

why would you blow someone off but not fuck them?

-- ken c (pykachu10...), October 31st, 2005 10:22 PM. (ken c) (later)

maybe the towel dispenser couldn't hold her weight

-- gem (gemilyinterrupte...), October 31st, 2005 10:25 PM. (trisk) (later)

-- Cat (lsj...), November 1st, 2005.

Answers

The Knack.

-- mark grout (mark.grou...), November 1st, 2005.

Oh, all right. Devo.

-- mark grout (mark.grou...), November 1st, 2005.

Sugar, of course! Devo it was. Thanking you.

-- Cat (dfjkd...), November 1st, 2005.

is this some sort of bizarro-ilx?

-- splates (mikeysawye...), November 1st, 2005.

Who was that band who did "My Best Friend's a Girl"? Their name sounded like The Carts or something.

-- Patchouli Clark (noodle_vagu...), November 1st, 2005.

Jerry Newman, I think.

-- when something smacks of something (right.knewi...), November 1st, 2005.

-- jdubz (dr_...) (webmail), November 1st, 2005 10:44 AM. (ex machina) (later) (link)

-- ken c (pykachu10...), November 1st, 2005. (later)

-- g-kit (kittenslikemil...), November 1st, 2005. (g-kit) (later) (link)

smokers in pettily defensive of their disgusting little habits shockah!

-- We might force K8 to change her name to Marie. (masonicboo...), November 1st, 2005. (kate) (later) (link)

g-kit in pwned shockah

-- g-kit (kittenslikemil...), November 1st, 2005. (g-kit) (later) (link)

I like the idea that my solicitor Pwns all.

-- n/a (nu...) (webmail), November 1st, 2005 2:30 PM. (Nick A.) (later) (link)

They're all hopped up on halloween candy!

-- luna (lunace...) (webmail), November 1st, 2005 2:34 PM. (luna.c) (later) (link)

Maybe everybody's getting their Sports Illustrated renewal football phones today and they're breaking them in.

-- n/a (nu...) (webmail), November 1st, 2005 2:44 PM. (Nick A.) (later) (link)

-- Dan (Handsome Picture In The Attic) Perry (djperry@gmail.com) (webmail), November 1st, 2005 4:17 PM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)

He sucked, that's what.

-- David R. (quoteidio...) (webmail), November 1st, 2005 4:18 PM. (popshots75`) (later) (link)

it was not a high point in my life, trust me.

ha ha. Or was it?? j/k Get it? High??

-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), April 5th, 2005.

-- Dom Passantino (juror...), November 2nd, 2005.

"Wow, so former Habs head coach Jacques Demers reveals in his book..."

...that he is illiterate. I know jokes are easy, but it's definitely brave to carry this burden throughout his long career. Really, I'm stunned and my admiration for him increased ten-fold.
http://www.radio-canada.ca/sports/HockeyNHL/2005/11/02/001-demers.shtml

-- alex in montreal (hip_to_hat...), November 2nd, 2005 9:33 AM.

Answers
How did he write the book???
-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), November 2nd, 2005 9:36 AM.

I left immediately -- not only because it was offensive, but also EMBARRASSING that the kids did not realize how offensive it was. Also, because there were no blunts.

-- elmo (elmo.oxyge...) (webmail), November 2nd, 2005. (link)

-- Alex in Novosibirsk (dr_...) (webmail), November 2nd, 2005 1:15 AM. (ex machina) (later) (link)

it could be worse, he could have given you teh herpes

-- tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemarygilber...) (webmail), November 2nd, 2005 11:47 AM. (rosemary) (later) (link)

Is Carlos D a manifestation of your drunkenness/carelessness? If so, then your incrimination is valid.

-- Laura H. (elemenopa...) (webmail), November 2nd, 2005 12:03 PM. (laurah) (later) (link)

Carlos D lives in the hearts of children everywhere.

-- Alex in Novosibirsk (dr_...) (webmail), November 2nd, 2005 12:39 PM. (ex machina) (later) (link)

Stealing their toblerones and infecting them with herpes. He should get his own claymation special, that would be awesome.

-- Laura H. (elemenopa...) (webmail), November 2nd, 2005 12:56 PM. (laurah) (later) (link)

-- Chuck_Tatum (sappy_papp...) (webmail), November 2nd, 2005 7:32 AM. (Chuck_Tatum) (later) (link)

for fucks sake!! i seriously cant believe i am sitting here in 2005 trying to explain white privelege and imbalance of power to people on ile... since nobody will address any of my points except one shaky analogy, let me ask again- are whites allowed to use the n-word in imitating a black man they "admire"? are you honestly saying that white people caricaturing black people is the same as blacks dressing as whites??

-- _ (...), November 1st, 2005 11:26 AM.

[snip]

for fucks sake!! i seriously cant believe i am sitting here in 2005 trying to explain white privelege and imbalance of power to people on ile...

i can

-- sfxxx (...), November 1st, 2005 11:28 AM.

-- F.R.I.E.N.D. (adamr...) (webmail), November 2nd, 2005. (link)

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...) (webmail), November 2nd, 2005. (link)

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So are you over that now?

-- kelsey (kelstarr...) (webmail), November 2nd, 2005. (link)

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No, not really.

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...) (webmail), November 2nd, 2005. (link)

-- eater. (smit...), March 29th, 2005.

Why do you shit on my dreams!?!?!?!

-- nickalicious (nickaliciou...), March 29th, 2005.

The Mitchell Brothers: "Don't Try This At Home"
-- davidsim (davidmsi...), November 3rd, 2005.

-- _ (...), November 3rd, 2005. (later)

---

From elsewhere:

Also, to describe this song. Imagine you got a bunch of "special" children to perform a Special Tribute to Busta Rhymes. This is how "Break Ya Neck" might sound.

-- edward o (edwardo...), November 3rd, 2005. (later)

http://www.yakov.com/images/Reagan_01.jpg

Nice fucking Nutcracker impersonation there.

This is from a site called 'branson-package.com,' I should note.

No you shouldn't.

An Americanisation of the British sitcom "Mind your language", this juvenile comedy was set in a class for newly arrived immigrants. The star of the show was Yakov Smirnoff, who gained a modicum of fame during the eighties.

Much of the humour was derived from the cultural peculiarities of the various students. In these more politically correct times it is doubtful that the show would have received any airtime. In any case, it was not particularly funny and barely lasted a full season.

Former roommate of comedian Andrew Dice Clay

Became a U.S. citizen in 1986.

Lives and works in Branson, Missouri.

He was an art professor at Odessa Pedagogical University in Ukraine before starting his comedy career in the United States, and he remains a talented artist.

After the September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade centers, he began working on a mural to commemorate the event. Just in time for the first anniversary of the event, the mural was printed on a huge banner, with the quote "The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart." It was hung from a nearby building where it was clearly visible from Ground Zero for over a year. Yakov financed the banner with $100,000 of his own money, but kept his donation anonymous, for fear that people would see it as a joke because of his reputation as a comedian.

xxpost

-- _ (...) (webmail), November 3rd, 2005. (link)

-- Archel (slightlyfoxe...), April 25th, 2005.

I can't understand people who say "x is shit, how can anybody like it?" as I am one who says "I think x is shit, I don't like it but if you do fair enough"

Nobody else is going to change my musical tastes, food choices, tv choices etc but arguing that they don't like them, so I extend the coutesy in a whatever floats your boat manner.

Surely we all know our own minds? If we have a belief that we think is worth debating about then we should be fully aware of both sides of the argument and unable to be swayed in the other direction.

So why challenge other peoples points of view? Why assume that their minds can be changed to suit what we believe in? Why get so heated and frustrated in debates trying to get your point across unless you believe the opposing side truely doesn't know what they are talking about? Is that not arrogance?

-- Rumpie (Jenikm...), November 4th, 2005 6:36 AM. (later) (link)

Answers
would you like me to lock the thread now?
-- Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (AlanTrewarth...), November 4th, 2005 6:37 AM. (Alan) (later) (link)

But, well done!

-- terry lennox. (...), November 5th, 2005.

-- Hurting (Hurtingchie...), November 6th, 2005 5:12 PM. (Hurting) (later)

Answers

it can cause AIDS.

-- s1ocki (slytus...), November 6th, 2005 5:20 PM. (slutsky) (later)

There was a time when I was afraid
To bite into the neck of a man or a beast
But I'm changing my ways and I'm happy to say
I'm a vampire so gay and I'm ready to feeeeaaaast

Because.....

I like blood!
I like blood!
It's not mud in my eye any more
I am loud
I am proud
I'm a deathless and strong carnivore!

No more will I retire
To my room with a sackful of rats
I will step out in style with my cane
And the finest of haaaats

and declaaaaaare....

I.... like.... bloooooooooood!

*curtain and intermission*

-- moley (mol...), November 7th, 2005 7:04 AM. (later)

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...) (webmail), November 6th, 2005. (link)

-- _ (...), November 3rd, 2005 11:21 AM. (link)

"also someone beat me to the rights"
------ bird-person-person

Or maybe he just confused "shooting fish a barrel" with "keeping your ducks in a row."

-- gear (speed.to.roa...) (webmail), November 5th, 2005 7:17 PM.

-- Dr Morbius (wjwe...), Today 1:43 PM. (Dr Morbius) (later)

Are you Kate Capshaw?

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...), Today 1:53 PM. (Alex in SF) (later)

-- Mr Adolph bin Streisand (PaulBank...), November 7th, 2005.

Maybe her lips are tired from sucking a more worthy cock.

-- recovering optimist (christbaitrisin...), November 7th, 2005.

Like this Max fellow, you mentioned.

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), November 7th, 2005.

What are you, a bad stand-up comedian?

-- Masked Gazza (m...), November 7th, 2005.

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 7th, 2005 7:40 PM.

also hysteria! by the human league.
i think.

maybe i should just make some up. unknown pleasures! five leaves left! blue! the queen is dead!

oh, i like this. "albums that would be immeasurably improved by the addition of exclamation marks in the title".

-- grimly fiendish (), November 7th, 2005 9:06 AM.

is it very wrong that i just laughed for ten seconds at this?

-- grimly fiendish (simonmai...), November 8th, 2005 10:19 AM.

-- KSTFUNS (nicole.kessle...), November 8th, 2005. (later)

i blame my father's cat

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), November 8th, 2005. (later)

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If you see my good friend Harry, tell him to give me a call.... Kudos to those fine folks who make Bugles so consistently delicious.... I just thought of a great question to ask Jan Michael Vincent.... Boy, do I hate this shirt.... What's that guy over there doing?.... The Amish make fine houses.... I wish Freddie Prinze was alive today so we could both laugh.... Some of the most beautiful women in the world work in diners.... Sex after 60 may be a challenge, but I like challenges.... If I had four awards to give, I would give them all to the Golden Girls....
-- _ (...)

i don't think i'd spend $1500 on any living thing

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), Today.

id spend it on a marissa marchant song

-- _ (...), Today.

========================================

Boy the only person who seems to have backed out of this gracefully is the original poster.

I wonder what he's up to now...

-- martin m. (mushrus...), Today.

killing his cat, duh

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), Today.

-- andy -- (and...), November 8th, 2005 11:08 AM.

"I guess they represent too large of a population and nobody knows how they'll vote." a classic! ROFFLE! So sad, so funny, so true!

-- Mädchen (madchen_in_unifor...), November 9th, 2005. (later)

-- A Nairn (moreta...), November 9th, 2005.

yes, i think i am freud. give me some cocaine, dog.

-- Theorry Henry (miltonpinsk...), November 9th, 2005.

-- TOMBOT (lik...), November 8th, 2005. (later) (link)

-- 'Twan (anthonyisrigh...), November 9th, 2005. (later)

WHINE BEFORE ZOD

-- David R. (quoteidio...), November 9th, 2005. (later)

http://www.chick.com/tractimages12727/0900/0900_12.gif

http://www.chick.com/tractimages12727/0900/0900_11.gif

NOBODY DOES THIS. EVER.

-- n/a (nu...), November 9th, 2005 10:11 AM.

-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), April 29th, 2004 4:12 PM. (Dan Perry) (link)

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She may have just been really friendly, though, too, because one time I watched her randomly get in a long super-happy conversation with a passing midget.
-- nabiscothingy (--...), November 9th, 2005 3:27 PM. (later)

http://www.comicscontinuum.com/stories/0511/07/supermanbatman27.jpg

-- Chriddof (chriddo...) (webmail), November 9th, 2005. (link)

ppl search the archive
Nairn's job is to bring the Christian perspective

and by "Christian perspective" I do mean the "totally immune to reason" perspective

-- Banana Nutrament (straightu...), November 8th, 2005. (later)

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 10th, 2005 11:59 AM. (Ned) (later)

GORDON: I don't even know that he killed himself. There are people close to him who don't think that he did...

UNCUT: Do you believe the theory that Bean Cobian is Jojo?

GORDON: I do, yes.

-- discus

-- Sylvia North\'s brother (lovechil...) (webmail), November 10th, 2005. (link)

-- moley (mol...), November 6th, 2005.

what europeans? it appeared in the washington post travel section!

-- s1ocki (slytus...), November 6th, 2005.

Answers
i dunno... eating them?
-- g-kit (kittenslikemil...), November 10th, 2005 10:49 AM. (g-kit) (later)

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that's not an actual job... is it?
-- Theorry Henry (miltonpinsk...), November 10th, 2005 10:51 AM. (Enrique) (later)

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well, no. you never said it had to be an actual job.
-- g-kit (kittenslikemil...), November 10th, 2005 10:52 AM. (g-kit) (later)

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-- n/a (nu...), Today 1:08 PM. (Nick A.) (later)

(According to a 'creative guru' at my work)

-- Tom (freakytrigge...), November 10th, 2005 5:25 PM. (Groke) (link) (admin) (userip)

This guru wears a red bow tie, I presume.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 10th, 2005 5:26 PM. (Ned) (link) (admin) (userip)

I can't tell what colour it is, it's spinning too fast.

-- Tom (freakytrigge...), November 10th, 2005 5:27 PM. (Groke) (link) (admin) (userip)

and if you didn't find this funny, FUCK YOU

-- tehresa (boringstandardaddres...), November 11th, 2005 4:49 PM. (tehresa) (later)

Hu? We're not talking about sex with wood, are we??

-- Thermo Thinwall (tupac.chopr...), November 11th, 2005 4:55 PM. (Thermo Thinwall) (later)

i'm loving the tough guy act so yeah, don't go changing.

-- 'Twan (anthonyisrigh...), November 11th, 2005.

I wonder how many people in the audience would even know they were watching staged incest.

-- 'Twan (anthonyisrigh...), November 11th, 2005.

i wouldn't dwell on that.

- s1ocki (slytusk@gmail.com), November 11th, 2005.

-- Hurting (Hurtingchie...), November 12th, 2005 8:53 AM. (Hurting) (later)

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), November 11th, 2005.

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), November 11th, 2005.

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...) (webmail), November 11th, 2005. (link)

-- gear (speed.to.roa...), November 11th, 2005.

-- Matthew C Perpetua (perpetu...), November 6th, 2005 7:24 PM. (inca) (link)

I typed in Carole King and got Augustyn Bloch. I typed in The Byrds I got Julia Bowkun. What the hell? Am I crazy, confirm/deny.

-- Steev (freestylr16...), November 12th, 2005.

Answers

it's for the best.

-- stockholm cindy is in your extended network (theundergroundhom...), November 12th, 2005.

-- nabisco (--...), November 11th, 2005. (nabisco) (later)

Mike: Vocals, Electric & Acoustic Guitars

Deanna: Vocals, Bass Guitar

Jeremy: Drums

Gary: Vocals, Electric & Acoustic Guitars

Diane: Vocals, Keyboards, Saxophone, Flute, Guitar

This band featuring 2 females and 3 males has the experience and knowledge to perform for any event.

Song List

A Girl Like You - The Smithereens
Authority Song - John Mellencamp
Baby Come Back - Player
Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
California Sun - The Safaris
Camel Walk - Southern Culture On The Skids
Dark Side - John Cafferty
Dead or Alive - Bon Jovi
Dreams - Fleetwood Mac
Fishin’ In The Dark - Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
Free Ride - Edgar Winter Group
Get This Party Started - Pink
Gimme, Gimme Some Lovin’ - Spencer Davis
Heard It In A Love Song - Marshall Tucker
Heart Of The Matter - Don Henley
Hit Me With Your Best Shot - Pat Benetar
Hurts So Good - John Mellencamp
I Can’t Tell You Why - Eagles
I’m Outta Here - Shania Twain
If I Ever Had A Good Thing - Great White
Keep Your Hands To Yourself - Georgia Satelites
Little Willy - The Sweet
Long Train Runnin’ - Dobbie Brothers
Love Shack - The B52’s
Margaritaville - Jimmy Buffet
Mickey - Toni Basil
My Maria - Brooks and Dunn
Never Been Any Reason - Head East
Night Like This - Trick Pony
Old Time Rock & Roll - Bob Segar
Once Bitten Twice Shy - Great White
Only In America - Brooks & Dunn
Play That Funky Music - Wild Cherry
Pretty Woman - Roy Orbison
R.O.C.K. In The USA - John Mellencamp
Rocky Mountain Way - Joe Walsh
Rocky Top - Earl Skruggs
Runaway - Bon Jovi
Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Sister Golden Hair - America
Some Kind Of Wonderful - Grand Funk Railroad
Still The Night - Bo Deans
Summer of ‘69 - Bryan Adams
Surrender - Cheap Trick
Sweet Child - Guns & Roses
Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Take it Easy - Eagles
Takin’ Care of Business – BTO
The Breeze - Lynyrd Skynyrd
When Will I Be Loved - Linda Ronstadt
Wipe Out - The Ventures
Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
You Shook Me - AC/DC
Your Mama Don’t Dance - Loggins & Messina

-- DJ Martian (altmartinu...), January 31st, 2002.

-- Pleasant Plains /// (pleasant.plain...), November 13th, 2005.

-- donut bitch (do...), December 23rd, 2003.

urgh

-- nate detritus (n***p*****550...), December 23rd, 2003.

-- tony jaa elbows people in the head (tonyja...), November 13th, 2005. (later)

that was three elbows to your head

look, i win again, it is so esy

-- tony jaa elbows people in the head (tonyja...), November 13th, 2005. (later)

My head remains un-elbowed, you fool.

-- I AM OTM (ot...), November 13th, 2005. (later)

bam!! v v v v bam >

you see i am in my element at the internet ,you might as well give it up girlboy

-- tony jaa elbows people in the head (tonyja...), November 13th, 2005. (later)

I am drinking peach tea and have not spilled a drop. Why? Because I have not been elbowed in the head.

-- I AM OTM (ot...), November 13th, 2005. (later)

that is what you say but in real you are bleeding liuke the pig that you are :)

v v v bam bam°

i win :) i win :)

-- tony jaa elbows people in the head (tonyja...), November 13th, 2005. (later)

-- Matt #2 (matt-hoj...), November 14th, 2005 11:37 AM. (Matt #2) (later)

I don't want to know, that would ruin the magic.

-- Le Marquis de Salade (noodle_vagu...), November 14th, 2005 11:39 AM. (noodle vague) (later)

-- cozen (skiplevel...), November 12th, 2005 4:54 PM. (Cozen)

Answers

the movie that my self skipped

-- s1ocki (slytus...), November 12th, 2005 7:31 PM. (slutsky)

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weakest thread in funnies
-- stockholm cindy is in your extended network (theundergroundhom...), November 14th, 2005. (Jody Beth Rosen) (link)

-- kingfish cold slither (jdsalmo...), November 14th, 2005.

No one here would have known that if not for that link.
x-post

-- KSTFUNS (nicole.kessle...), November 14th, 2005.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), November 14th, 2005 11:06 AM.

---

Anybody hear Cross's insufferable part on It's Not Funny where he starts claiming that he doesn't listen to crap music and watch crap tv (not sure how he got that Simple Life bit then, but anyhow)? So what the fuck is he doing in this?
-- 'Twan (anthonyisrigh...), November 14th, 2005. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So what you're saying is that you're becoming some kind of cunt?
-- Alba (albab...), November 10th, 2005.

-- A Nairn (moreta...) (webmail), November 15th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shut up.

-- John Justen (johnjuste...) (webmail), November 15th, 2005. (link)

-- telephone thing (ryanhuppa...), November 14th, 2005. (later)

oh i think we'll let them be

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), November 14th, 2005. (dubplatestyle) (later)

-- ski-man (orangecok...), November 15th, 2005 6:17 AM.

They said Johnson provided drugs and alcohol to eight boys and had sex with five of them.

I would have been one of the other three, I just know it.

-- Huk-L, Today 6:11 PM. (Huk-L) (later)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

[link to picture of Johnson]

-- detoxyDancer, Today 6:13 PM. (sexyDancer) (later)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now I'm glad I was one of the other three.

-- Huk-L, Today 6:14 PM. (Huk-L) (later)

-- A Nairn (moreta...) (webmail), November 15th, 2005 4:34 AM. (moretap) (later) (link)

The Heirarchy (from most respected to least respected):

* GURU
* WIZARD
* THE ELITE
* HACKER
* PROGRAMMER
* INFORMED USER
* UNINFORMED USER (aka L'USER)
* CRACKER
* WAR3Z D00D
* (pond scum)
* VULTURE CAPITALIST
* (vaginal yeast)
* POINTY HAIRED BOSSES / SKR1PT K1DD13 (tie)
* (cockroaches)
* MARKETROID
* (flesh eating bacteria)
* VIRUS BUILDER

-- Lord Custos Omicron (l.custo...), October 3rd, 2003.

Never a truer thing said.

-- Eisbär (llamasfu...), May 29th, 2004

-- Lady Totteringby-Gently (masonicboo...), November 16th, 2005. (kate) (later)

no

-- gear (speed.to.roa...), November 16th, 2005. (gear) (later)

i mean yes! my apologies : o

-- gear (speed.to.roa...), November 16th, 2005. (gear) (later)

he's a typical pleasure model

-- nein Socken (sometimes_...), November 16th, 2005. (later)

He's typically gross.

-- Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyza...), November 16th, 2005. (later)

not everybody can be noah wyle ally!

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), November 16th, 2005. (later)

OMG

-- Dan (Noah Wylie Probably Smells Like Douche) Perry (djperry@gmail.com), November 16th, 2005. (later)

-- j blount (jamesbloun...) (webmail), November 16th, 2005 2:14 PM.

Someone confirm?
-- deej.. (clublonel...), November 16th, 2005. (later)

Er. Do you have a source?
-- Dan (Timex Social Club To Thread) Perry (djperry@gmail.com), November 16th, 2005. (later)

I read this as you wanting to call her "Tequila! Yes", with Yes as the middle name, and her being born to the strains of "Owner of A Lonely Heart".

-- MC Stylised Vadge (edwardo...), November 17th, 2005 12:48 PM. (edwardo) (later)

Stretch yourself
You got to birth your kid
Never thinking of the suture

-- moley (dominakto...), November 17th, 2005 2:52 PM. (moley) (later)

-- F.R.I.E.N.D. (adamr...), November 16th, 2005 3:20 PM.

That application in full.
YO TODD BURNS MY NIGGA

i am ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!! and i fast becoming FAMOUS ON THE INTERNET for
being a hard hitting music writing hipster

i am here to SAVE STYLUS from shitty GIRLS ALOUD and ELO WEEKS by becoming
your sexy new music writer because i am so awesome

IN THIS EMAIL is a review that will knock your nerd hipster faggot socks off

i look forward to your next e-mail which says "ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!! YOU ARE
NOW ON THE STYLUS TEAM. OUR NEW GOAL: MORE SCRITTI POLITTI FEATURES!!!!!"

peace out nigga,
ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!

p.s. THE REVIEW IS RIGHT BELOW YO

-----

Babyshambles
Down In Albion
Rating: 2 suukbaars x F+

Yo NIGGAZ its ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!! In da hizzouse savin STYLUS from shitty
pitchfork-style pretentious reviewz and more importantly ELO WEEKS!!!

today I be writin about that crazzy nigga on crack pete doughtery and his
shitty band "TEH BABYSHAMEBELLS". lol what a dumb name. they be releasing
a new album to be called "DOWN IN ALBION" and the thing is in his old
band, "TEH LIBERTEENS", with gay karl barat (wasnt he in the
kraftwerkz???) they be using this 'albion' shit at lot. now he is using it
again...THE STROKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! peter doherty is THE
STROKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because THE STROKES copy their old stuff! THE
STROKES!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway i "illegally" "downloaded" this album and played it on MY IPOD (but
not teh u2 special edition cause i aint a fagort like chris martin) and
you know what it is shit like shit comin out of a butt of kate moss' arse
(and i hear stevie nicks blew the cocaine up it once at band camp)

just listen to these lyrics from the track, "where my drugs be atm>>> u
gae ytiy Jark! Bim U nuss! Bim hate!":

MNyt bane us oetre
and thuis us nt vittimn
urs bnithing sopecuak
gcause everyoibne gite ibe
NT BANE US OERE
DIGERTTY
NT NAME US OETE
DIGFHERTY!!!!
DIGERTY!!!

i mean wtf is this SIGOUR ROS SHIT OR WHAT???

also fuck forever who is he tryin to kid being tough he aint tough he cant
face down the esteban buttez krew (yo lars ullrich we are still waitin to
fight yo sad ass because we be a MORRISSEY krew yo)

anyway i know you hipster nerd fagorts want 400 to 800 words but sorry
THIS ALBUM IS TOO SHITTY

it could be worse through: it could be GIRLS ALOUD (how can you faggots
listen to them even if you are faggots)

ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!

-- Sick Mouthy (sickmouth...), November 17th, 2005.

We collectively apologize for not being you.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 17th, 2005 8:05 AM.

-- J.D. (aubade8...) (webmail), November 17th, 2005. (link)

-- Dan (We Also Pick Our President Via Sackrace) Perry (djperry@gmail.com) (webmail), November 17th, 2005 12:43 PM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hstencil i have made you a mod too, in case the scary spam guy came back.
-- Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyza...), November 17th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ok, cool.
-- hstencil (hstenc!...), November 17th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hstencil i have taken away your mod powers
-- gear (speed.to.roa...), November 17th, 2005.

Can I volunteer to bathe Shakira?
-- n/a (nu...), November 17th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

please, somebody should, start with her hair.
-- Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyza...), November 17th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With my tongue?
-- n/a (nu...), November 17th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

lemmy from motorhead
the guy who plays hyde on that 70s show

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), November 17th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And my penis?
-- n/a (nu...), November 17th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just to clarify: I am trying to imply that my penis is a celebrity that needs bathing, with my tongue.
-- n/a (nu...), November 17th, 2005.

-- Le Marquis de Salade (noodle_vagu...) (webmail), November 17th, 2005. (link)

-- Forksclovetofu (forksclovetof...), November 17th, 2005.

He'd have to tone down some of the overdramatical hand-wringing, though.

-- Dom Passantino (juror...), November 17th, 2005.

-- strng hlkngtn (...), May 12th, 2005.

wait, wait, actually i think i totally get it: this is your mad tv

(only with like, apparently, awards and such, instead of universal derision)

-- strng hlkngtn (poo...), May 12th, 2005.

this in itself made me choke on my tongue with laughter. that whole post is fucking joyous.

-- k/l (lauter...), November 17th, 2005 10:46 PM.

Does anybody know where the nearest Starbucks is to SOBs? I know I'm gonna be thirsty for a you-know-what before the gig (a mocha frappuccino w/ sprinkles!!!). Anyone want to say hi I'll have a yellow Nike sweatshirt on and be poundin Red Bull by the bar. Can't wait to see the show ©.
-- TRG (trgilmore@), November 17th, 2005

should i be ashamed to admit that i do know?

-- RJG (RJ...), November 18th, 2005 7:51 AM. (link)

Yes. That's where the name came from.

-- Onimo (gerry.wat...), November 18th, 2005 7:53 AM. (link)

That's clever. I get it now.

-- Oh No, It's Dadaismus (and His Endless Stupid Jokes) (dadaismus@hotmail.co.uk), November 18th, 2005 7:54 AM

-- dog latin (doglati...), May 24th, 2004 12:00 PM. (dog latin) (link) (admin) (userip)

Not a total weast, see, it's back.

-- Rumpie (jenikm...), November 18th, 2005 1:05 PM. (link) (admin) (userip)

what the fuck is wrong with you

-- ooooh (...), November 18th, 2005 1:10 PM. (link) (admin) (userip)

Well fuck you too!

-- Rumpie (jenikm...), November 18th, 2005 1:27 PM. (link) (admin) (userip)

wtf

-- Theorry Henry (miltonpinsk...), November 18th, 2005 1:33 PM. (Enrique) (link) (admin) (userip)

do you write for allmusic.com?

-- gear (speed.to.roa...), November 18th, 2005. (later)

-- mariesa sabriel (sabriel...), November 18th, 2005.

You never her?

-- mark grout (mark.grou...), November 18th, 2005.

easy lee
chemicals

ghetto funk
ghetto funk
ghetto funk

it's the crunk
in my trunk

easy lee
nigga please

chemicals

in my junk

easy lee
sherm and weed
and e
chemicals
ozs and keys
realest gs

mushy bees

chemicals

-- vahid (vfoz...), June 9th, 2005.

1. "Do you remember when we used to sing "shalalalalalalalalalalala lalala lala oh yeh?" is the laziest lyric ever.

2. How many girls in this world have got brown-eyes huh? Probably squillions! He may as well have called the song "Girl With Feet" or something equally roundabout.

3. Brown-eye?! My days!

4. The song sucks and the riff is annoying.

-- dog latin (doglati...), August 13th, 2004.

don't be a comedian.

-- RJG (RJ...), August 13th, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

is california man what we're calling ned now?
-- strongo hulkington (dubplatestyl...), May 12th, 2004.

-- Mike Hanle y 3000 (pennysong300...), November 19th, 2005 3:22 PM. (hanle y 3000) (later)

I wear crotch holes in them before they'll fade naturally

-- splates (mikeysawye...), November 19th, 2005 3:26 PM. (splates) (later)

you must have a "hyper-active genital" ! You can always patch the crotch. Or get stretchy jeans, they have them at K mart

-- Mike Hanle y 3000 (pennysong300...), November 19th, 2005 3:42 PM. (hanle y 3000) (later)

Has anyone read his Sci-fi stuff? Is it rub?

-- N. (nickdastoo...), March 12th, 2002

I've never read it. We had a copy of This Hideous Strength with a great cover with a nameless evil shape engulfing a quiet English village. Judging from that and the back though it was just a poor retread of Dr Who And The Daemons.

-- Tom (ebro...), March 12th, 2002

That Hideous Strength is v. rub. It's a mess, he must have been on crack when he wrote it.

Out of the Silent Planet is an enjoyable novel in the "man goes to strange foreign planet" genre.

"Perelandra" is bonkers, but enjoyably bonkers. It's all about the garden of eden and Satan tempting people and stuff like that. There is a great bit in which The Devil has possessed this guy so he just walks around pulling bits off frogs and leaving them to die horribly. And the hero tries to humanely kill one of them but he only seems to make things worse, and anyway there are thousands of the little bastards.

-- DV (dirtyvica...), March 12th, 2002

-- Jack L., November 18th, 2005 8:46 PM.

Try to be more positive when he's around.
-- StanM, November 19th, 2005 1:03 PM.

-- I AM OTMFM (ot...), November 20th, 2005 2:58 PM. (later)

Haha, you sad sack of shit. Register all the OTM names you like! :-P

-- I'M SO MONEY I'M LITERALL OTM! (otmf...), November 20th, 2005 2:59 PM. (later)

did wonder twin powers just activate or something???

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), November 20th, 2005 3:01 PM. (papa la bas) (later)

Thanks for saving that, as the thread it's from got zapped!

also: THE MANUAL does not work. trust me i tried it. SO FUCK OFF BILL!!!

-- ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!! (estebanbuttezzz...), November 20th, 2005 2:59 AM.

-- Josh in Chicago (Vitesse9...), Today 6:18 PM. (Josh in Chicago) (later)

huh? rub arsehole?

-- jim p. irrelevant (electricsoun...), Today 6:20 PM. (electricsound) (later)

-- nabiscofox (--...), November 21st, 2005 5:16 PM.

-- A Nairn (moreta...), November 22nd, 2005 7:41 AM. (moretap) (later)

presbytarianism?

-- terry lennox. (...), November 22nd, 2005 8:04 AM. (gareth) (later)

-- J.D. (aubade8...), November 20th, 2005 6:50 PM.

A video loop of wasps laying eggs in the desert was shown to us, as the teacher's face slowly reddened.
[PS I am not a wasp]

-- Harthill Services (nw011e986...), Today 6:39 PM. (later)

that little postscript made me roff

-- Jaq (js...) (webmail), November 22nd, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OK this thread.

-- Sick Mouthy (sickmouth...) (webmail), November 22nd, 2005. (link)

I think there's also a song with the same title.

-- Tuomas

I love Finnish sayings.

-- Dinksy Chinx (chil...) (webmail), November 22nd, 2005 3:28 PM. (later) (link)

-- Omta (loser.materia...), November 20th, 2005. (later)

-- eedd (e...), June 7th, 2004 1:43 PM.

i'm kind of afraid of getting fucked in the face, to be honest
-- strongo hulkington

----------------------------------------

i think it happened to the asian dude on 'city guys' once
-- $$

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), November 23rd, 2005 9:38 PM. (link)

alternately a nice pie

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), November 23rd, 2005 9:39 PM.

----------------------------------

oh ned its just some prison rape jokes. just a bit of fun. no worries.
-- strongo hulkington's ghost

----------------------------------

:-)
-- Ned Raggett

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), November 23rd, 2005 9:01 PM.

Gymnastics always struck me as a little disturbing, though. All that foam and leather and getting in line, wtf.

-- gabbneb (gabbne...), November 23rd, 2005. (gabbneb)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

i've been slipping something into HER if you know what i mean, hahaha!
-- gear (speed.to.roa...), Today. (gear) (later)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

hahahahaha
-- gear (speed.to.roa...), Today. (gear) (later)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm so lonely
-- gear (speed.to.roa...), Today. (gear) (later)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

happy birthday, dude
-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), Today. (dubplatestyle) (later)

I'm not really sure if it's working or not and I don't know what to do with it.

I found this site easy enough. Does anyone have any suggestions about what I should do?

-- Justen (habibulbasha...), November 24th, 2005 3:21 PM.

Sorry, I don't have internet access.

-- Nathalie (stevi...), November 24th, 2005 3:29 PM. (stevie nixed)

-- Theorry Henry (miltonpinsk...), November 24th, 2005 3:50 PM. (Enrique) (later) (link)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Think outside the box!
-- tissp! (impossibleshortestspecialpat...), November 24th, 2005 3:51 PM. (the impossible shortest specia) (later) (link)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
... but we want to get inside the box! http://www.coolclarity.com/forums/html/emoticons/cheer.gif
-- StanM (Stan10...), November 24th, 2005 5:04 PM. (StanM) (later) (link)

-- Alba (albab...), November 25th, 2005 9:56 AM. (Alba) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

in the same way that snow is like potatoes.
-- Sailor Kitten

-- James Mitchell (jxmitchel...), November 25th, 2005. (later)

I do apologise to you, Matt, and everyone else on this fine forum. I really messed up there, didn't I? I mean, something like that is just not to be joked about. For although the Glitters, Townshends and Catholic Churches of this world may appear in a comic light when associated with child rape and its exploitation to people of a simple humour, such as myself, there is for every story at least one life, possibly more, utterly destroyed. But extreme measures are called for. People are getting as used to this BUTTEZ shtick as that blue t-shirt they've had for six years. I've even managed to raise a few smirks and posted some things that have made the Excelsior thread on ILE. I have a love/hate relationship with that thing. Frankly, it sickened me seeing the Stevem's and Archel's of this world getting on there with throwaway one-liners that don't even seem funny to me - I mean, I AM A FUNNY GUY. There I am in my idle moments throughout the day and night trying to think of another piece of BUTTEZ to enthrall the masses, I post it, and the thread carries on like its not there. It's stupid. I adopted this moniker and style after years of getting ignored in the hope of causing a stir, you know like Jon Williams or Burmakitty did, and its just not working. Is everyone thick? I don't know but there's one hell of a wall here that I'm just going to have to keep on chip chip chipping away at. Randy gets quoted left right and centre, "HI DERE", I mean WHAT IS THAT? IS THAT IT? That's not funny that's just rubbish. Smedley - "AWWWOOOOO!!!" - it's bollocks. I am putting in the fucking hours here. I think about this stuff. And for what? I guess people like their trolling plain and simple. One note, one phrase. Fully formed trolling characters are too much for people. And when you're starting to bring in the ultimate internet dodgy subject, the rape of children, into the field just to get a bit of attention then it's gone too far. Once more I apologise, I won't do it again.
-- ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!! (estebanbuttezzz...) (webmail), Tuesday 11:08 AM. (later) (link)

Oh, how cold is it? Snow? I'm driving up on sat.

(I meant check the admin log on AAD)

It seems to me that online music reviewing is not taking advantage of the inherent multimedia-ness of the internet. Why not?

-- Jack L. (jackluca...), November 25th, 2005.

Answers
Shut it, retard.
-- George the Animal Steele (george_the_animal_steele...), November 25th, 2005.

-- turboalbino (big.jesus.trash.ca...), November 26th, 2005 3:30 PM. (haitch) (later)

and then he said "trouble at t'mill, one of t'crossbeam's gone out askew on t'treddle"

-- Hotman Paris Almanac (ada...), November 26th, 2005 3:31 PM. (Autumn Almanac) (later)

wtf

lame

-- the jews (theundergroundhom...), November 25th, 2005.

http://static.flickr.com/29/66397828_3a87478c5d.jpg

http://static.flickr.com/27/65921119_b48a8e8826_o.jpg

http://static.flickr.com/30/66397865_55b8e307db.jpg

lol
-- bato (bato12345678...), November 25th, 2005 9:50 PM. (bato) (later)

Fuck off, cunt.

-- Teh HoBB (j__...), November 25th, 2005.

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), November 25th, 2005 7:23 PM. (jaymc) (later)

oh fuck no holy god, this is NOT good

-- gear (speed.to.roa...), November 25th, 2005 7:24 PM. (gear) (later)

-- 'you' vs. 'radio gnome invisible 3' FITE (dr_...), Today 1:32 PM. (ex machina) (later)

I liked the first third a LOT but not the second third. maybe the last third would have been different, again

-- RJG (RJ...), November 26th, 2005 9:32 AM.

sarah has a great personality ok
thats what attracted me to her in the first place

-- ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!

-- caitlin oh no (caitx...), November 27th, 2005.

-- deej.. (clublonel...), Today 5:52 AM. (deej..) (later)

-- Mr Adolph bin Streisand (PaulBank...), November 28th, 2005 1:56 PM. (Mr_Adolph_bin_Streisand) (later)

-- gear (speed.to.roa...), Today 2:44 AM

Why not use the universal laguage as a means of aquiring a sex moment. The universal language of COBOL.
-- Mike Hanle y 3000 (pennysong300...), November 20th, 2005.

Is there a part where Johnny Cash eats too much bacon and there is no more Tumms so he shoots a shotgun into his stomach?
Becuase that would give inspiration for many songs!

-- Mike Hanle y 3000 (pennysong300...), November 19th, 2005.

-- Banana Nutrament (straightu...), November 27th, 2005 8:41 PM.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...) (webmail), May 26th, 2005. (link)

-- Nellie (nellskie...) (webmail), May 28th, 2005 1:07 PM. (nellskies) (link)

-- GARGLEBY (dr_...) (webmail), November 27th, 2005. (link)

-- oooh (...), Today 7:05 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(and this was definitely a government building.. not some intermediary service I went through..)
-- dali madison's nut (do...), November 28th, 2005 8:11 PM. (donut) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite what he told you, "Ricky's van" is not a government building.
-- Dan (The More You Know) Perry (djperry@gmail.com), November 28th, 2005 8:12 PM. (Dan Perry) (later)

-- The Ghost of Black Elegance (djperr...), October 26th, 2005 6:31 AM. (Dan Perry)

(Okay, that might be one of the most shameful things I've ever posted.)

-- The Ghost of Black Elegance (djperr...), October 26th, 2005 6:32 AM. (Dan Perry)

an orchestra-conducting game!

(xpost HAHAHAHAHA)

-- s1ocki (slytus...), October 26th, 2005 6:33 AM. (slutsky)

wait--don't you only need one controller? but the two players share it?

-- s1ocki (slytus...), October 26th, 2005 6:33 AM. (slutsky)

How do you register the different... scores?

-- The Ghost of Black Elegance (djperr...), October 26th, 2005 7:06 AM. (Dan Perry)

I was about to reply to that, but now I'm sort of embarrassed, and don't really want to show how much I thought about it.

-- melton mowbray (patrickalla...), October 26th, 2005 7:36 AM. (adr)

-- oooh (...) (webmail), November 29th, 2005. (link)

song of solomon to thread

-- oooh (...), Today 6:17 PM.

i mean the one by god not toni morrison

-- oooh (...), Today 6:17 PM.

but hers is a better read - thank u oprah!!!

-- oooh (...), Today 6:18 PM.

I think dude was named Dabnis to underscore the fact that he was totally too nice and too good of a guy for college-sophomore Vanessa. He was all forthright and earnest and owned a house and wanted to settle down and have a family and stuff, so you got this great reversal where the Huxtables were pissed off at first -- "you're engaged? you're like barely 20!" -- and then they met Dabnis, and he was all Mr. Great and fixed the sink that Cliff couldn't fix (this was after both the lengthy doorbell-fixing debacle and the kitchen-refurbishing), and so they totally loved him and were kind of mock-encouraging the whole thing, with the knowledge that suddenly Vanessa would be all like "WTF, this is kind of big shit, I'm not getting married at 20." So then she ditched Dabnis, if I remember correctly, and in typical Cosby fashion he was all like "I understand, no big, I wish you the best, catch you later."

I don't recall jacking off to any of that.

Although a few months back I totally saw Elisa Donovan from Clueless (movie and television) walking down Houston, and I had some flashbacks to, umm, enjoying that show. I think I like anything with Donald Faison in it.

-- nabisco (--...), November 29th, 2005. (later)

PUT THE BRAIN AWAY, NITSUH

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), November 29th, 2005. (later)

-- David R. (quoteidio...) (webmail), November 29th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unless you were friends w/ Kevin Eastman in the 90s.

-- David R. (quoteidio...) (webmail), November 29th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i no longer wish to post to this thread

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...) (webmail), November 29th, 2005. (link)

-- 'you' vs. 'radio gnome invisible 3' FITE (dr_...), November 29th, 2005. (later)

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...) (webmail), November 29th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

is that bjork?

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...) (webmail), November 29th, 2005. (link)

(hum to the tune of Whitney's "Greatest Love of All")

-- giboyeux (in....), November 29th, 2005 3:02 PM. (skowly) (later)

Answers
185 older messages are hidden.
Show All Messages

mary-jane watson-parker (romita-thru-mcfarlane versions)

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), Today 2:48 PM. (dubplatestyle) (later)

the goth daughter on roseanne

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), Today 2:48 PM. (dubplatestyle) (later)

the ellen where emma thompson was a lesbian

-- oooh (...), Today 2:48 PM. (later)

prince's "gett off" video

-- strongo hulkington's ghost (wt...), Today 2:48 PM. (dubplatestyle) (later)

also the squeaky voiced annoying girl from ellen

-- oooh (...), Today 2:48 PM. (later)

-- nabisco (--...), Today 4:08 PM. (nabisco) (later)

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 29th, 2005.

Only because my parents were home.

-- giboyeux (in....), November 29th, 2005.

# Why do people watch porn? (29 new answers, last at 2:31 pm)
# Wolfmongrels in Sheepfuxor clothing (224 new answers, last at 2:27 pm)
# Trying to decide if I'm ready for a dog (27 new answers, last at 2:27 pm)

-- Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyza...), November 29th, 2005 4:26 PM. (allyzay) (later)

Fran Drescher as Arwen = a vision.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), July 5th, 2005. (Ned)

After she drowns the nazgul with that cold river unicorn shit, she can do the laugh. That's the only time she can do it. But yeah.
-- TOMBOT (drescher...), July 5th, 2005.

OMG.
-- The Ghost of WE MUST MAKE THIS HAPPEN NOW (djperr...), July 5th, 2005. (Dan Perry)

"Mithril talks and bullshit walks."
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), July 5th, 2005. (Ned)

-- Sailor Kitten (kittenslikemil...) (webmail), November 30th, 2005. (link)

[poop joke]

-- 'you' vs. 'radio gnome invisible 3' FITE (dr_...), November 30th, 2005. (later)

They make special sandpaper tampons with self-addressed mailers for this purpose.

Among others.

-- Dan (ILX Secret Santa) Perry (djperry@gmail.com), November 30th, 2005 9:44 AM. (later)

I would allow my son to marry her.

-- Beth Parker (marthasminion...), Today 1:23 PM. (Beth Parker) (later)

-- kornrulez6969 (TCBein...), November 30th, 2005. (TCBeing) (later)

-- dar1a g (dar1a_...), November 30th, 2005. (later)

-- Sasha (gen.nuisanc...), December 1st, 2005.

i don't like reading this thread, cos i was on it.

-- Theorry Henry (miltonpinsk...), November 30th, 2005 11:21 AM. (later)

i still don't like gvs, though.

-- Theorry Henry (miltonpinsk...), November 30th, 2005 11:22 AM. (later)

how come?

-- cozen (skiplevel...), November 30th, 2005 5:42 PM. (later)

cos he was on it

-- n/a (nu...), November 30th, 2005 5:47 PM. (later)

-- Beth Parker (marthasminion...) (webmail), November 30th, 2005 1:53 PM. (Beth Parker) (later) (link)

Just trying to help.

-- Beth Parker

"Just trying to help." which is fucking hilarious.

-- TOMBOT (would.you.like.t...), November 30th, 2005.

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...) (webmail), May 20th, 2004 8:27 PM. (spencermfi) (link)

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00004COT4.02.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

-- hstencil (hstenc!...) (webmail), December 1st, 2005 2:04 PM. (hstencil) (later) (link)

dont make them ruin that movie too

-- oooh (...) (webmail), December 1st, 2005 2:07 PM. (later) (link)

This thread has made me decide that Starship Troopers actually sucks. Not just the movie, everything to do with it. The tabletop wargame, the novel, Buenos Aires, asteroids, bugs, all of it. It all sucks and I hate it. Completely.

-- TOMBOT (kind.of.like @ the.strokes), December 1st, 2005. (later)

I will masturbate to this later.

-- Fish fingers all in a line (fluxion2...) (webmail), February 18th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well I'm going to throw up now.

-- Leon the Fatboy (nicole.kessle...) (webmail), February 18th, 2005. (link)

-- mariesa sabriel (i...), December 2nd, 2005 9:36 AM. (modestmickey) (later)

-- nabiscothingy (--...), December 1st, 2005 8:35 PM.

yeah we decided to try being impulsive and unreasonable for a change

-- Banana Nutrament (straightu...) (webmail), December 1st, 2005. (link)

------------------------------------------------

maybe you'd like this country better if it was governed by your beloved stanley kubrick.
-- Theorry Henry

-- Control your ponies, children! (masonicboo...) (webmail), December 2nd, 2005. (link)

who is #1?
-- Sororah T Massacre (stevem7...), December 2nd, 2005 6:35 AM.

The rest of finland!
-- mark grout (mark.grou...), December 2nd, 2005 6:45 AM.

-- Theorry Henry (miltonpinsk...) (webmail), December 2nd, 2005 11:33 AM. (Enrique) (later) (link)

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), March 4th, 2005.

Outta curiousity, what does RFI mean? (yes, I'm teh n00b).
-- js (roc...) (webmail), Today 5:24 PM. (later) (link)

It is a Request for Information.
Now, why did that person type the word songwriter, in italics?

-- mark grout (mark.grou...) (webmail), Today 5:25 PM. (later) (link)

Sorry! I was practicing italics on a thread I thought was finished.
-- Yoshinorimike (Yoshinorimik...) (webmail), Today 6:21 PM. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

nabisco otm, very few webpages contain that phrase
-- oooh (...), December 2nd, 2005 12:36 PM. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Of course I do that all the time, which is why I can spot it so easily.
-- Soledad (adamr...), December 2nd, 2005 4:08 PM. (nordicskilla) (later) (link)

-- cutty (holle...), November 15th, 2005.

-- oooh (...), December 3rd, 2005 10:41 AM. (later)

yr gay

-- sunny suxessor (gangsta...), December 3rd, 2005 10:45 AM. (katharine) (later)

ethan, you say that about every thread.

-- Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyza...), December 3rd, 2005 10:45 AM. (allyzay) (later)

for a sec i thought ethan was asleep on the job

-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), December 3rd, 2005 10:48 AM. (Oops) (later)

we're all racist ok job done

-- J.D. (aubade8...), December 3rd, 2005 10:49 AM. (Justyn Dillingham) (later)

-- dan bunnybrain (bunnybrai...), December 3rd, 2005.

Worst handjob ever.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), December 3rd, 2005.

Robin Hood and Little John
Walkin' through the forest
Laughin' back and forth
At what the other'ne has to say
Reminiscin', This-'n'-thattin'
Havin' such a good time
Oo-de-lally, Oo-de-lally
Jesus fuck-a-lo

-- Tep (icaneatglas...), June 19th, 2004 1:59 PM. (ktepi)

OK, now it's headlice. For the FOURTH time in one year. My daughter, my g/f and I are all scratching out heads. More crazy medications and fine-toothed combs. WAAAAAAH.

-- the music mole (colinsbarro...), June 20th, 2004 8:10 PM. (colin s barrow)

headlice? on you? what does it hang onto?

-- are 'friends' electricsound? (electricsoun...), June 20th, 2004 8:13 PM. (electricsound)

Memories.

-- the music mole (colinsbarro...), June 20th, 2004 8:26 PM. (colin s barrow)

-- Ian Riese-Moraine has been xeroxed into a conduit! (eastern_mantr...)

Why did you hack the site named : Ballromdancer.tk ?
Dont you guyz have better to do with your time than hack a site for dance lovers. Perhaps you could do some good in the world by finding child pornography rings and terrorist sites and reporting them to internet police. That would do some good in the world.

From
Frank Wilhelmsen
Norway.

-- Frank Wilhelmsen (frwilh...), December 4th, 2005.

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...) (webmail), Today 10:03 PM.

!!!

-- Rockist_Scientist (Al__suca...), December 4th, 2005 11:32 PM.

haha she was mad for cock
-- mark s

-- regular roundups (daphim...), December 5th, 2005 1:48 AM.

I mean ok I get it, say "coooon!" ooh its tasty, but WHAT THE FUCK. I am seriously tempted to scan it in to see what Ethan will say.

-- Trayce (spamspanke...), December 5th, 2005 8:28 PM. (trayce) (later)

send in the picture of britney with the anus gob

-- jim p. irrelevant (electricsoun...), December 5th, 2005 8:32 PM. (electricsound) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it seems pretty fucking likely
-- gear (speed.to.roa...), December 4th, 2005.

-- xxx (xx...), December 5th, 2005. (later)

-- dave q (scrape10...), September 19th, 2003 3:31 AM.

you can't have your cake and eat it too.

-- A Nairn (moreta...) (webmail), December 5th, 2005. (link)

she does have an odd interest in my armpits though.

sometimes while laying down with my arms outstretched she'll come up and sniff my deodorant and sometimes even lick it. at that point i'll usually push her away, cuz thats just a little too much. and it tickles.

Lynne never wrote anything as ballsy as "Helter Skelter," and his hair is, was and always will be a thing worthy of ridicule.
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), December 5th, 2005 11:15 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

that you have a lot in common?
-- Kilian

I like my search engines DARK and COLD like my fucking SOUL!

-- moley (mol...), December 6th, 2005 9:12 AM. (later)

Answers

I searched for "Trayce" and got a lot of "Images Not Found."

-- k/l (lauter...), December 6th, 2005 9:19 AM. (Ken L) (later)

-- Oh No, It's Dadaismus (and His Endless Stupid Jokes) (dadaismus@hotmail.co.uk), December 6th, 2005 1:03 PM. (Dada) (later)

It would be a group of death.

-- Mikey G (...), December 6th, 2005 1:06 PM. (Mikey G) (later)

Holy shit, I just thought of something. Y'know how blah blah Geoff Johns has said that Infinite Crisis is as much a sequel to Death of Superman as it is to COIE? What if Brother Eye is really Hank Henshaw, the Cyborg Superman?

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), December 6th, 2005 8:58 AM. (Huk-L) (later) (link)

You know, I'm pretty sure all of those things are English words and names, but somehow...

-- Ray (raycu...), December 6th, 2005 9:15 AM. (Ray) (later) (link)

Forget it, Ray. It's Crisistown.

-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), December 6th, 2005 10:08 AM. (afarrell) (later) (link)

----------------------------------

not even masturbate.
-- AaronK

----------------------------------

yah see, that joke is in the first post there, johnny carson.
-- howell huser

At least we stopped obsessing over Simon Reynolds.

-- viborgu (norner...), December 6th, 2005. (later)

Simon Reynolds - C or D

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somehow that's reminding me of the Star Trek episode where Mr. Spock shacks up in the prehistoric cave with Mariette Hartley.
-- k/l (lauter...), December 7th, 2005. (later)

-- DJ Martian (altmartinu...) (webmail), December 7th, 2005. (link)

:-(

-- o. nate (syne_wav...), Today 9:02 PM.

Oh, man. Does this mean we have to do a roll call?
-- k/l (lauter...), Today 9:03 PM.

Can I ask why finish at 2004 and not include 2005?
-- Billy Dods (...), December 7th, 2005 8:57 AM. (Billy Dods)

It's a half-decade poll: 2000-2004 / 2005-2009.
-- Tuomas (...), December 7th, 2005 9:00 AM. (Tuomas)

i just had a vision of myself still on ilx in 2010 voting in THAT poll and got really, really depressed.
-- J.D. (...), December 7th, 2005 9:06 AM. (Justyn Dillingham)

-- D.I.Y. U.N.K.L.E. (right.knewi...), December 8th, 2005 8:00 AM.

Meaning: hey, now it's time for The Lex to debate it!
-- Matthew C Perpetua (perpetu...), December 8th, 2005. (later)

maybe you could e-mail him
-- RJG (RJ...), December 8th, 2005. (later)

-- Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyza...), December 8th, 2005. (later)

-- KeefW (m...), Today 6:52 PM. (kmw)

-- Hello Sunshine (fiver_the_bunn...), Today 6:17 AM. (later)

Paul McCartney has it framed in his bathroom

-- We Buy a Hammer For Dadaismus (dadaismu...), Today 6:18 AM. (later)

-- maria tessa sciarrino (mari...) (webmail), December 8th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's an Always pad.
-- jocelyn (nalra...), December 8th, 2005 1:27 PM. (Jocelyn) (later)

Dolly in John Lennon-style tampax on head antics!

-- Fritz Wollner (fritzwollner5...), December 8th, 2005 2:31 PM. (Fritz)

-- yuengling participle (pton_mwaa...), December 8th, 2005. (later)

I'll have to tell the story about how one of your new co-workers once showed up at a party with some coke and tried to molest a fourteen-year old.

-- Pleasant Plains /// (pleasant.plain...) (webmail), December 8th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not today. COngrats for today.

-- Pleasant Plains /// (pleasant.plain...) (webmail), December 8th, 2005. (link)

-- dabnis coleman's ghost (wt...) (webmail), December 8th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i rarely am
-- dabnis coleman's ghost (wt...), December 8th, 2005. (dubplatestyle) (later)

-- estela (estelaisale...), December 9th, 2005 2:30 AM. (later)

'ice cold drinks'

What a swindle. If they were actually 'ice cold' they would be ice, not drinks.
I hate summer.

-- estela

-- dabnis coleman's ghost (wt...), December 9th, 2005.

just like in the matrix

jess = laurence fishburne

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), December 9th, 2005.

"the little one behind you is called mouse"

-- gear (speed.to.roa...), December 9th, 2005.

-- MAN do I ever not like this guy (jesu...), December 9th, 2005 1:27 AM. (link) (admin) (userip)

woah ned just WENT OFF

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), December 9th, 2005 1:29 AM. (papa la bas) (link) (admin) (userip)

-- Rumpie (jennifer.morga...) (webmail), December 9th, 2005 5:43 AM. (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu) (later) (link)

you disgust me

-- RJG (RJ...) (webmail), December 9th, 2005 5:44 AM. (RJG) (later) (link)

-- gear (speed.to.roa...), December 9th, 2005. (later)

They are now in Kelly Clarkson's band.

-- Dan (You Know It's True) Perry (djperry@gmail.com), December 9th, 2005. (later)

trick question: all theater kids are ridiculous!

-- gear (speed.to.roa...), December 9th, 2005. (later)

http://newyorkmetro.com/images/news/05/01/sontag050117_400.jpg

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), December 9th, 2005 11:16 AM. (jaymc) (later)

Weird things you do, that only seem weird since someone pointed it out to you (or another poorly worded thread title)

1. Making Jedi hand movements when encountering automatic doors (I thought everyone did this)
-- jel -- (freeduni...), December 9th, 2005 6:00 PM. (jel) (later)