Do you ever do a search for every thread you've ever started and cry and cry?

Message Bookmarked
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I just did.

NA (Nick A.), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:13 (twenty-one years ago)

yes.

oh to have mod powers for just a day.

mark p (Mark P), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I didn't think he meant like that. But probably he did.

N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

i have mixed feelings about your pinefoxian mutations, n.

mark p (Mark P), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:21 (twenty-one years ago)

and what else could he have meant?

mark p (Mark P), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Tim H to thread.

VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Pinefoxian? No, I don't think so.

I would cry in the same way I would cry at seeing a long slideshow of snapshots from my life. Like when someone has died. Just the weight of it.

N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

oh.

i would cry at all the evidence of what a witless tool i was.

mark p (Mark P), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:28 (twenty-one years ago)

what kind of a witless tool were you?

ken c (ken c), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:29 (twenty-one years ago)

If this had been a Calum thread I woulda been so happy.

de, Friday, 30 April 2004 19:29 (twenty-one years ago)

i've always wanted to be a cheese grater

ken c (ken c), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:30 (twenty-one years ago)

mostly i am being facetious. but really, there are all sorts of reasons why i don't like the thought of every single thing from the past being archived. i don't know if i could pick just one.

mark p (Mark P), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I wish I could remember what compelled me to post this thread...

this is what it sounds like when doves cry

nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

It's a tough call, but this is probably the stupidest thread I've ever started:
I am the richest man on ILX.
(It was a jokey response thread to one called "I am the poorest man on ILX".)

NA (Nick A.), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Every thread I have ever started (ILE edition):

Do you believe in fate?
I've never really understood what people are on about when they talk about 'fate'. Attempts to pin down what they mean have usually resulted in more confusion. Generally, they don't believe in predestination (religious or scientific-determinist in nature) but they still seem to believe that things 'happen for a reason' in some irritatingly undefined way. What are they on about?

I was also wondering whether belief in fate was correlated with having no regrets. It always amazes me how many people say 'I don't have any regrets'. I regret everything.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), June 27th, 2001.

Countryside: Classic or Dud
No, this isn't a repeat question. I'm talking about another greenspun forum that beats ILM and ILE into a cocked hat when it comes to posting stats. My favourite recent threads:

Toilet Bowl Sweating

My Older chickens are eating my bale chicken tractor!

What's your experience with composting toilets?

and, my personal favourite:

How do you remove blood from love seat?

This all sounds much more entertaining than discussions of doompatrol. What do you think? Shall we decamp en masse?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), June 29th, 2001.

Children with friends - CLASSIC or DYSTOPIAN NIGHTMARE?
A friend of mine, possibly only half-joking, has said that if by the time she's 35 hasn't yet met her life partner, she wants to be impregnated by five of her friends around the same time and let nature take its course.

In a culture of declining birth rates, is this the way forward for those of us with the urge to have children but no willing partner around at the right biological time?

-- ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), July 11th, 2001.

Recreational lying - CLASSIC or DUD
I have told at least one bare-faced lie on ILE today. Normally, I shy away from such blatant mendacity, as I like the idea of truth flooding through the world, cleansing all our sorry-arsed souls and expunging eskimo/names for snow lies from the universe. But sometimes I feel like gritting my teeth and telling a completely gratuitous whopper, as long as it's not going to hurt anyone.

Compulsive liars crease me up. People who just invent things for the sake of it ("But he told me his name was Colin" "Oh yes, he does that..")

Under what circumstances do you approve of trivial, recreational lying? And would you always want people to know the truth eventually? 'Cause I always get that terrible urge when I'm winding someone up to crack and say "No, not really".

-- Old Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), July 11th, 2001.

John Irving: Classic or DUD
He seems to be everywhere at the moment. Mark.S made a dig at him in another thread. I've only read 'A Prayer For Owen Meaney' but I liked it a lot*.

Would any Irvingophobes care to tell me why, in fact, it sucked.


* Spelling note: why do so many people write 'alot' for 'a lot'. I don't really mind, I just find it odd.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), July 13th, 2001.

Taking sides: Pasta Sex vs. Burger Sex
I just read this dichotomy somewhere on the web. No idea of its provenance. But it's meaning is clear, I think. Pasta.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), July 17th, 2001.

Do you have a favourite colour?
Continuing Stevie.T's 'lame magazine questionnaire' type questions theme. I don't think I really do. It all depends on the context (clothes, walls, anuses, whatever). When I was young I used to say 'orange', but I think that was in that same arbritary way I used to say I supported QPR.

It is my hypothesis that women are more likely than men to have a gut identification with a particular colour. But I am probably wrong.

Also, are any of you synesthetes?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), July 18th, 2001.

Taking sides: roundish men vs. skinny men
Obviously, you only really care about the person inside, but what if there a lot of layers to get through?

C'mon. Give me it straight!

Finely toned perfection is not on offer.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), July 19th, 2001.

What is the worst you have ever treated an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?
The nastiest thing you've done. And what was going through your mind when you did it? Did you know it was wrong at the time? Not talking about revenge upon cheating bastards or whatever. Just treating them bad. Emotional manipulation, cheating, using. Y'know.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), July 19th, 2001.

What crazy prejudices do you habour?
I realised I'm kind of silently ill-diposed to people who look a lot older than they are. I'm not proud of this. It's just a gut 'there not my kind of person' reaction.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), July 29th, 2001.

Matthew Collings: Classic or Dud?
His new 'Hello Culture' series has divided our household. Flatmate thinks he's annoying, and argues that chin rubbing does not cultural commentary make. I think he's quite wonderful and if I were a gayboy I'd fancy him. The one on nihilism yesterday wasn't that good, but generally I say CLASSIC, as does Momus

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), July 30th, 2001.

Everything is all right (up on the roof).
OK, so you can see some of the lo-fi pictures Mike took at the London ILE roof-rooling session here. More to be added when he sees fit to send them.

Do they make you envious, Manhattan Skyline crew? Or are you glad for the lack of hi-fi?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 2nd, 2001.

Pub Quizzes - pubtastic or pub bores?
Last night, flatmate, cabbageboy and others joined me at the weekly quiz in the Village pub, Walthamstow. We won for the the second week in a row, this time with an embarrassingly high score of 67/70. We actually got all 50 of the standard questions right, only dropping points on the Name That Tune round (I was strangely certain that Good Morning Britain was credited to 'Roddy Frame & Mick Jones') and the picture round (where knowledge of minor Emmerdale and Casualty stars was our downfall).

I say all this mainly to boast, but also wondered what you all thought of pub quizzes. Do you do them? Do you think they are for dreadful people? If you live in a country in whose culture they don't play a key role, would you like to experience them? A friend's New York sister finds them impossibly exotic and says there's a big underground pub quiz scene happening in Manhattan.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 2nd, 2001.

What do you most admire about the opposite sex?
This might sound like a really wanky arse-licking new man question, but it isn't. So ner.

I admire the way women cope so well with not living up to all the bullshit they absorb from the media and society at large about what constitutes physical attractiveness. I mean I find it hard enough as a man (who looks like a rock star). If I were a woman I'd never leave the house.

-- ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 3rd, 2001.

Nick names
"She's never had a nickname / But then, nor have I", sang the Go-Betweens, and a mysteriously affecting line it was too. When I listen to it, I like to pretend I haven't had one either, but I have, as I just pointed out on the Mechanics of Offence thread. None have them have stuck for very long though. This could have something to do with my tendency to drop entire groups of friends and move on every so often (something I haven't done for a few years now, despite what people on the Sinister list might think).

Anyway, at primary school I was called 'Joey' and 'Deacon' because I used to spaz about a lot. I like to think they meant it affectionately. Then I didn't get another one till university, where I got called 'Dirty Nick' by the beer n' porn monsters I was put with in my first flat. It was ironic, duh. After a term I escaped to live with a bunch of second and third years, who accordingly called me 'Nipper', which mutated into 'Skip'. For a while in my second year, some people called me 'Prone' because I kept causing accidents. Since then, not a lot. Tim Hopkins has coined the marvellously witty 'Dicky Knee' (Nicky D / Dicky Knee - geddit?), something he just came out with one night and floored me with (How didn't I think of it before? I've had all my *life* to make amusing wordplay with my name).

Still I don't think I'm a person to whom nick names readily stick. What nick names have you had? Do you like them?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 7th, 2001.

Search & Destroy: Noises lovers make in bed
What kind of sounds do you like the people you go to bed with to make? Which noises are a real turn off? Do you like them to groan? Do you prefer them to keep schtum?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 8th, 2001.

Nietzsche  
You know the jigsaw

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 13th, 2001.

Darwin
To complete the monkey puzzle

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 13th, 2001.

Taking sides: Steven Seagal vs. Chuck Norris
I have never seen a film starring either of these men. Who should I give the time of day to?

-- ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 13th, 2001.

Give expression to your poor self-image
Emma has just unwittingly provided me with a new game by describing her look as 'past-it MTV presenter'.

What pithy put downs you can think of to describe your own look?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 13th, 2001.

Tall men - is it a prerequisite?
It seems that there is a rarely discussed rule that many women have about potential partners. They must be taller than them at least, and preferably at least 5'10" or whatever. I know Kate and Paul are an exception to this. If I were short I'd be well pissed off and probably compensate with aggression or something, but that's life.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 13th, 2001.

Taking sides: bars vs. pubs
The good thing about pubs is you can say "I was in the pub" and no one expects you to specify which one. In many ways it's just like saying "I was at home". "I was in the bar" is of course not the same thing at all and "I was in a bar" just provokes mystery in a cheap way.

On the other hand, pubs are more often populated by people you have to hide your airy-fairy modern ideas and dress styles from. Also, the clothes are worse and you might bump into a CAMRA member.

Which is best?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 16th, 2001.

'One' - what is wrong with it?
One thing that has always frustrated me is the way English speakers look on 'one' as an generic pronoun (as in "When is one supposed to listen to a walkman if not when out walking?") as something poncey and to be avoided in speech at all costs. Replacing it with 'you' just causes confusion and the need for No, I didn't mean you you s. The French are quite happy with their 'on' equivalent, so why can't we be? Is it something to do with this much-vaunted English anti-intellectualism?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 16th, 2001.

Nothing good is on TV / No one falls in love with me
Discuss in whatever way you feel appropriate.

[this is one of several ILE questions that occurred to me when drunk last week. I wrote them down on a scrap of paper and this one appears to make the second-least sense so here it is.]

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 19th, 2001.

Is this as good as I get?
Another drunkenly formulated question:

Some time ago I heard some media woman on the radio who was was reflecting on her university days and how much time she'd had then for blue sky type thinking. Nowaday she had a job and family etc. and had no time for just 'thinking' all the time. This stuck with me and worried me unduly.
Thing is, at the moment I'm in a job that allows me bags of time for thinking about everything, and that's the way I've always liked it. I suppose at some point down the line I'll have a more demanding job and family responsibilities to worry about. But I hate the idea of my brain shutting off, or even narrowing its horizons.

It's always irritating when novelists pull the 'I can't let domestic chores divert me from my work' line, but maybe they have a point.

Regular ILE contributors clearly have too much time on their hands, which is great, but is being smart just a luxury of an otherwise empty life? I HATE TRADE OFFS*

*a subject which will be part of my grand opus of an ILE question one of these days, when I think of how to word it.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 19th, 2001.

Lurkers only!
At Nathalie's suggestion, you are only allowed to post to this thread if you usually just lurk around ILE reading our nonsense and not writing yourself.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 19th, 2001.

2 Faced tryin' to get in my place.
Are you two-faced? Part of my super-moral personality is that I'd really feel uncomfortable being derogatory about someone and then acting like a good friend to them to their face. Of course I talk about people behind their back, sometimes things I wouldn't say to their face for reasons of tact. But I wouldn't, say, take someone's side if they were having some kind of argument with another friend and then take the opposite side when talking to the other party in the dispute. I just can't do it, psychologically. But I get the feeling some people do this all the time.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 21st, 2001.

Things that really ought to have disappeared by now
The other day I was looking at a Juicy Fruit wrapper on the pavement and I thought " Juicy Fruit ? Who the hell buys that these days?" I mean they seem to have given up advertising it and everything. My grandmother used to buy this weird pre-flouride toothpaste that had she had used all her life. It had to be ordered in specially and one day the manufacturer called it a day.

What products have had their day? You can chuck anachronistic TV programmes or whatever into the mix too, if you like.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 22nd, 2001.

OZ MAGAZINE
Has anyone here ever read a copy? The School Kids one? Was is any good, or was the court case the only reason why anyone remembers it today?

-- ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 22nd, 2001.

Freaks & Geeks
They've finally started showing this in the UK. Should I be watching it?

-- NIck ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 22nd, 2001.

The UK is in every possible way somewhere between the USA and continental Europe - discuss
Go on.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 22nd, 2001.

What would you ask Kym from Hear'Say?
This is a serious question. Someone I work with is interviewing her later and he knows jackshit about Hear'Say. I told him I'd have a think and let him know what I thought he should ask. What line of questioning would make for an interesting interview?

-- NIck ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 30th, 2001.

.. but a class made up of only Aarons and Abbotts could be confusing
Apparently science has proved that having a surname in the first half of the alphabet gives one a headstart in life. What do you think of this? Are more surnames A-L than M-Z anyway?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 31st, 2001.

Taking sides wusses vs. bullies
Leading neatly out of thee brutish tabloid press thread, I'd rather be a wuss than a bully, never having seen the non-fascist point of Nietzsche's will to power thing. What would you prefer?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 3rd, 2001.

Lying about one's age: CLASSIC or DUD?
I have never done this because I am a fiercely moral person and I feel that if I were to lie about my age then the next thing I knew I'd be on crack and fiddling with kids.

Have you done it much? Apart from in order to get into bars/films, cause that's boring. Why?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 4th, 2001.

Do you get emails as a result of your IL* posts?
I don't. At least, only from people who know me already but don't have my other email address. Do you? I know Ally gets threatening letters from incensed Nas fans, but what else? Anything interesting? Anything from non-posters?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 4th, 2001.

Get ILE readers fired from their jobs
Both Dan Perrypops and Ally KerranG! have recently expressed concerned at things on ILE making them piss their pants and lose their v.important jobs. For no good reason, I would like to see this happen. Make them laugh, make them cry! And don't give me any of that shit about not being able to be funny on demand. Dance, you lame fuckers!

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 4th, 2001.

Memorable things strangers have said to you
Female patient in psychiatric unit, when I was visiting a friend (to friend, but looking at me): "This is a boy or a girl?"

Late 30s woman in Samuel Pepys pub, Hackney, as she left : "You're too pretty for your own good"

I wasn't sure if the latter was some kind of coded threat.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 8th, 2001.

Are you glad the Pyramids were built?
Despite the fact that their construction depended on slave labour?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 10th, 2001.

VENGABOYS CRISIS
PEOPLE INDIA VENGABOYS,0202 Indian university students march to denounce concert by Dutch pop band
GAUHATI, India - Indian university students marched Tuesday to protest a scheduled concert by the Vengaboys, a popular Dutch band, claiming the pop group's music is too risque to be played live.
More than a hundred young men, most of them students at an elite college, took to the streets to denounce the planned Sept. 23 concert.
"Pop groups like Vengaboys do not fit into a conservative culture like ours," said Rahul Das, a student leader. "We don't want the band to perform here." The Dutch pop band has topped European charts with its rhythmic numbers such as "Braziland We're Going to Ibiza."
"We are against the tremendous noise pollution that would occur when this band performs," said Jagadish Dutta, president of the Cotton College Students Union.
Tuesday's protest came as tour promoters put up huge billboards throughout Gauhati, capital of India's remote northeast Assam province, announcing the first-ever concert in the city by a top international pop group. Vengaboys is also scheduled to hold concerts in the Indian cities of Chandigarh, Lucknow, Calcutta, Ahmedabad and Hyderabad.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 11th, 2001.

What is the most sexy/least sexy accent?
Most sexy: On the basis of Linda Barker off Changing Rooms, I say Huddersfield.

Least sexy: I'll have to think about that one. So many candidates.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 13th, 2001.

What would Bin Laden want the US to do?
Note that this question doesn't assume he is responsible, but given that he has announced he was pleased with the attack, I think its a reasonable thing to ask

Does he want to provoke USA into war with Afghanistan (+Iraq?), in order to inflame hatred of America across the Islamic world, leading to its eventual destabilisation? And if so, from a US Security viewpoint, wouldn't the best thing be for Bush to refrain from any retaliative attacks?

Or does he just want Americans to feel pain, in revenge for Islamic humiliation?

He's said before that his beef isn't with US imperialism per se, more just that America is an infidel state that must be crushed. Is this true or is he just using religion as a way of stoking up support?

What the hell does he want?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 13th, 2001.

Booker Prize: Classic or Dud?
And as a supplementary question, what's the best Booker prize winner (or maybe nominee) you've ever read, and what's the worst?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 17th, 2001.

What kind of monster am I?
(prompted by jess's question on the Draft thread.)

I have never posted an egomaniacal question before, so I think I have the right.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 20th, 2001.

Mirrors - why do they reverse sideways rather than lengthways?
Y'know? Sorry, I'm sure there's an obvious answer to this but I can't work it out.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 20th, 2001.

Why do women write more letters than they post?
Why?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 22nd, 2001.

Do you want to know anything?
I find out things for a living and I'm bored. Ask me something and I will endeavour to find out the answer. No time wasters please.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 24th, 2001.

Single sex schools: Classic or Dud?
I think I can spot a girl who went to a single-sex school a mile off.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 26th, 2001.

No - help ME! (obscure half-remembered film pt 2)
OK so once on TV I saw this French film. Made and set in the 80s. It was like an Eric Rohmer film, but I don't think it was him. Involved two teenage (16? 17?) girls who early on in film met at some summer holiday camp. Later on one came round to the other's family's apartment for dinner I think.

KEY REMEMBERED SCENE: One of the girls is gorgeous and sleeps in the nude. Her mum comes in one morning to wake her up / tell her something and as girl rolls out of bed she tells her it's unseemly and she ought to wear something in bed.

Won't somebody help me?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 1st, 2001.

Haf Found Bormann
Discuss?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 1st, 2001.

Which is the least racist country in the world?
Thinking about Blair's speech yesterday. He attacked knee-jerk anti-Americanism by pointing out its praiseworthy qualities, questioning whether a black man born into poverty in Britain could have made it to such a high post. I was wondering about this, and part of me thought one shouldn't draw too many conclusions from one piece of evidence (does the world think Britain a terrifically non-sexist country just cause Margaret Thatcher made it to PM?) but there's probably something in what Blair said. Could have less to do with race than class, perhaps. American racism seems more extreme and overt in places. Here we've sometimes been called the most polite racists in the world. Gary Younge offers his views here< p> Anyway, where's the best place in the world to be if you don't have the same ethnicity or skin colour as the majority? The thing with Britain and the USA is that they've been tested. Many other countries haven't. Look at the crap that's going on with asylum seekers in Ireland recently. Which place has come off best? Is this a meaningless question?

-- ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 3rd, 2001.

Nuclear Weapons Top Trumps
No one believes me that these existed, but they did. I got mine in a free offer from Look In - you sent off the tokens specifying which set you'd prefer and then they sent you back a note saying "Sorry - we're out of the space craft ones but here's nuclear weapons instead". I only remember Trident (the big daddy), Polaris and some weird shoulder-mounted bazooka thing from the Soviet Union (yes, I know )

I've looked on ebay to no avail. Does anyone else remember them? Will someone please back me up on this?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 3rd, 2001.

ILE nations roll call
I was wondering how many nationalities ILE readers and writers come from.

For the purposes of this game, the UK is to be treated as a 4 different nations.

So:

England - ME!

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 4th, 2001.

How did you get here?
This was done on ILM but not, I think, here.

How did you stumble across I LOVE EVERYTHING?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 5th, 2001.

Afghanistan
I'm just adding this to the nations threads as an excuse to repost the link to that article about the country (published before 11 Sept) that someone else (Tracer?) recommended. It's huge - print it out but do read it. http://www.irani an.com/Opinion/2001/June/Afghan/

I hear that putative Belle & Sebastian member Angelina Jolie has courted controversy by donating $1 million to Afghan refugees rather than the families of US victims. This woman's a loose cannon!

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 5th, 2001.

Terrific ways to divide people into two or more camps
Some have suggested that all women are either SPANIELS (eg. Winona Ryder) or COLLIE DOGS (eg. Julia Roberts). Others have argued that JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE and RINGO represent the four male archetypes.

Are these schemata accurate and which others do you propose?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 5th, 2001.

Taking sides: straight hair vs. curly hair
I love straight hair. I also love wavy hair. But tight curls or frizz - non! Supplementary question - does this make me a racialist?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 10th, 2001.

Dunedin: Classic or Dud?
I was there last year. They call it the Edinburgh of the Southern Hemisphere. I got chatted up in a club that was whipped up with Blink 182 tour hysteria. I made nothing of it. They wouldn't let us into the student night. Apparently there's a lot of cheap sex. It seemed OK.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 13th, 2001.

ILE on the left, ILM on the right
That is the way I realised the two boards are in my head. Not politically. I just mean when I think about ILM it feels spatially right of ILE somehow. No, I don't have them left and right of each other on my toolbar or anything. I don't know what accounts for it really. Does this mean anything to you?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 5th, 2001.

Mock Lesbians
This is the thread where you get to mock lesbians.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 5th, 2001.

Taking sides: Gary Bushell vs. Richard Littlejohn vs. James Whale
I don't know why. James Whale's late night porn expolits seem somewhat less revolting than Bushell's. Littlejohn (I think) and Bushell both started out as socialists and ended up reactionary. Gary Bushell is supposedly a genius. They're all hideous. But who's best?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 8th, 2001.

Household pets
Cats and dogs I can understand for the companionship. Tropical fish I can understand because they are beautiful. But what's the deal with other pets? They're just stupid, aren't they? Until they genetically engineer a perpetual tiger cub I'm keeping out of the whole thing.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 9th, 2001.

Who has corrupted ILE the most.
What I read the other thread as in the first place.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 13th, 2001.

What should I buy my sister for her 35th birthday?
She likes things.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 16th, 2001.

Do computer games improve you in any way at all?
So I bought a Playstation 2 last week, having not had computer games at home since my ZX Spectrum. I always restrained myself in the past on the grounds that I would spend hours playing it when I could be putting my time to 'good use' reading books or tidying my room. But then I succumbed and now I am obsessed with Grand Theft Auto 3 to the extent that I haven't even bothered playing the other game I got with it yet. Or doing anything else with my life.

I am clinging to the hope that it is improving my driving and sense of direction. At the moment, all it has done is give me an eye infection through excessive staring and overwear of contact lenses. Really, are video games just a totally blight on one's life? Are there any transferable skills on offer? And how do I blow up the Triad laundry vans?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 26th, 2001.

Is it submissive to want to be taken?
Springing from the much loved So, right, them, who do you fancy? thread, if a woman thinks (or says) "Take me!", is that submissive. I mean if you shout out "Fuck me!" then it's certainly assertive, but can you not be both at once? Have modern gender politics made us afraid to admit to the basis of typical male-female sexual relations? Do women like to feel like a man is in control and 'doing stuff to them' in bed? And is penetration fundamentally a dominating act?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 26th, 2001.

Must-have Playstation 1 games
If one were to be on the lookout for cheapo second hand Playstation games and one hadn't ever played any before, what classic games would you recommend looking out for? Is Worms good?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 29th, 2001.

What do you think the 5 most troublesome issues facing us are?
The sanctity or otherwise of life
The nature of consciousness
When children should be treated as adults by the law
The nature of free will and responsibility
Reconciling people's religious beliefs with a secular state
I think about these things all the time and no one has any decent answers.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 30th, 2001.

Spurious EDGE story
OK, so help me with this. This weekend Julie Burchill made a reference to the Edge trying to get out of some motoring scrape with the police by saying 'I am the Edge!'. Do you know where she got this from? Apparently some Irish paper printed the story and then had to retract it. Anyone know which one/when/any more details?

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 5th, 2001.

The most bizarre piece of travel writing ever
I was looking at this for GTA3 tips, but it soon turned into a mad review of British culture. Big breasts, dirty water and no sarcasm. But we have electricity!

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 5th, 2001.

The Sex Factor and how to get it
The Evening Standard has been running a daft series this week on what straight women and men want from the opposite sex. It's quite entertaining in a sub-Cosmo kind of way. Most disheartening thing I have learned so far is that boyish good looks are number 7 in the list of turn offs for women (because 'women want to be the pretty one in the relationship'). However, on the up side 'if you can look a woman in the eyes for 20 seconds, you will have seduced her'. Cor! That sounds a piece of piss.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 5th, 2001.

Give me convenience or give me death
I demand satisfaction!

-- Jello Biafra ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 11th, 2001.

Give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning
Give me oil in my lamp, I pray.

-- Hosanna ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 11th, 2001.

Trot Hurtubise and his bear-proof suit

It sounded too good to be true. And it kind of was.

-- Nick ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 11th, 2001.

The saddest thing I've ever seen
... Amaranto, 60, was crazy about his cable TV, particularly the Italian news and the daily astrology reports: he surfed between the two shows, looking for the most positive spin on Leo. .

Bless you, http://www.guardian.co.uk/september11/story/0,11209,616967,00.ht ml">Angelo Amaranto

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 11th, 2001.

Who will explain Princeton's global consciousness project to me?
It seems to involve eggs. And September 11th

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 13th, 2001.

Romance on menu at Little Chef
This is All Wrong

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 13th, 2001.

"All's fair in love and war"
This appears to be a manifestly untrue axiom. Why do people still say it?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 14th, 2001.

WOMEN: How many bras do you have?
[at Sarah's suggestion, sort of.]

How many times do you wear them before washing? Do you select the day's bra with a great deal of thought? Do they vary in cup size (I'm always hearing some statistic about how many women wear the wrong size)?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 17th, 2001.

What am I supposed to say to people at this time of the year?
I want to be festive and say 'HAPPY CHRISTMAS!' or 'HAPPY NEW YEAR!' but it is neither.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 27th, 2001.

Do you wander over to strangers in public places and engage them in conversation?
I don't. I wish I did. Do you? Does it ever lead to lasting friendships or sexual relationships?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 28th, 2001.

'Good in bed'
Is one of my least favourite phrases in existence. I'm sure this reveals all sorts of sexual hang ups on my part, but maybe that's my point.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 28th, 2001.

Documentaries I have loved
We intellectuals enjoy nothing more than a good documentary. The four best I can remember seeing are:

14 Days in May. About Edward Earl Johnson's last days on death row and the attempts to save him. Horrible.

From A-B: Tales Of Modern Motoring. By that team that invented that no-narration, Modern Times style of doc. They also did the earlier 'Signs of the Times' in which people talked about their home decor. Oh! I've just googled and found out Martin Parr was behind it. The boring postcards man.

Hoop Dreams. Sad sad sad.

100% White. The photographer Leo Regan's documentary revisiting racist skinheads he had taken pictures of in the 1980s to see how their lives and views had changed since then. Just mesmirising, and very sad too.

Any views on the above or lists of your own favourites?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), January 7th, 2002.

"Nothing compares to the taste" - HELP!
Some journalist wants to know what this is a (current) slogan for and I have no idea. I think he's making it up but he says that's the exact wording. Does anyone know what he's thinking of. He thought Coke.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), January 7th, 2002.

Iris Murdoch: Classic or Dud?
She used to be my favourite author. Maybe she still is, although I haven't read any of her books for a couple of years. There's no other author I've read as much of, anyway (save Hergé). I have a feeling some people on this board are going to be all sarcy about her. I still think 'The Black Prince' is maybe my favourite novel for its unflashy postmodern tricks with added POINT and general misery. There's a film coming out soon of her life starring Judi Dench which I'm not sure I want to see.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotamil.com ), January 7th, 2002.

Have you ever started reading a book halfway through?
People do it all the time with films on TV. So why not books? I'm sure one can pick up the story OK. And it saves time.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), January 15th, 2002.

Who will make a sitcom of the two Jews of Kabul?
S urely an Odd Couple for the 21st Century?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), January 16th, 2002.

NY fashion
The other night on Radio 5 they had mini-items about two trends in New York and I wondered if they were true or just MEDIA LIES.

i. Since Sept 11th, women aren't buying high heels and have all gone back to flat shoes for speed of flight in a repeat incident. Racks in trainer (sorry, sneaker) shops (sorry, stores - this could run and run) are empty and all the New Year sales are full of stilettos and kitten heels.

ii. Pyjama (sorry pajama - I told you) parties are quite the thing. Apparently this originated with students in exam time who were up all hours revising and didn't have time to change before slipping round to each others flats (sorry, apartments, yawn) for fun and games.

So tell me.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), January 19th, 2002.

Butt Candles
What the hell is all this about?

And while we're at it, what the deal with butt plugs? A girl I used to know said that when she was a nanny, some American kids she looked after used to have them stuck up them to keep them happy. She didn't think this was weird. Did I imagine this. What are they for anyway? Call me naive.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), January 19th, 2002.

Does anyone know anyone born on the 2nd April 1982?
Well do you?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), January 21st, 2002.

Do they wear horns or burn bright?
Do you have inner demons? Some people seem to report almost tangible incarnations of their inner fears and insecurities. I once knew someone who said that when things were bad, she could close her eyes and see a black void, taunting her. There's a similar thing in Ursula Le Guin's 'The Wizard of Earthsea', with that shadow that follows him around.

Those demons, I just don't see them. Do you?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), January 21st, 2002.

Porn radio
Why has this not yet happened?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), January 22nd, 2002.

Most bizarre emails in my hotmail inbox evah
From :  "99009652" (xxxxxxx@student.darlington.ac.uk)
  To :  nickdastoor@hotmail.com  
Date :  Fri, 25 Jan 2002 16:17:23 -0000  

To Paul and Barry I am writting to say that I have not won a compation in my life so will you do a compution and let me win it I want it to do with pokemon
I am a big fan of you Paul and Barry so I  love you
lots of  love Steven Roberts

Why? Who is this person, why is he writing from a darlington academic (??) address and why are they calling me Paul and Barry?

From :  LORETTA YOUNG (xxxxxx_x_1999@yahoo.com)   To :  nickdastoor@hotmail.com  
Subject :  lynx  
Date :  Sun, 20 Jan 2002 21:36:31 -0800 (PST)  

although I respect your personal opinion of the product not everyone has the same the have had the chance to be around a man who uses lynx and i love it and it and it on him and would love to know how to order more of it if you could be so kind as to let me know if you can help me with that it would be greatly appreciated.


What is it with this Lynx interest? This is the second or third email I have had asking me where it can be bought. WTF??


Can anyone explain either to me?

(I've xxxxed out their addresses cause I guess that's polite.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), January 25th, 2002.

This is unlike other fragrance bottles that I have used, which usually have shorter covers or caps
In all my time here I think one of the most difficult products to write about would be a fragrance because there is so little one can write about it. Also explaining the fragrance of a fragrance is an ominous task. However I will give it my best shot.

And they do, very cutely/bonkersly.

Three things: 1. Why has this person bothered with all this? (I know you get micropayments, but you don't have to write that much.

2. Do you ever use sites like ciao.com and epinions.com as a shopping guide? Do you worry they have been infiltrated by marketing staff from the company concerned?

3. Is 'vinodgm' Jel?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), January 26th, 2002.

Favourite maxims/proverbs/homilies/adages/aphorisms
(I never know what the difference is)

'No one ever died wishing they'd spent more time in the office'

'If a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, where is the man who knows so much as to be out of danger?'

What pearls of wisdom appeal to you?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), January 26th, 2002.

I can't stop turning to Page 9 of today's G2
Do I secretly want the Guardian to insitute a posh Page 3 or is that photo just the most sexy-in-an-obvious-way ever? Or am I just on heat?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.c ), January 28th, 2002.

Tonite let's all make love in London
A rival plan.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), January 29th, 2002.

Useless skills
I have perfected the art of interacting with women in such a way that other people think that we are either romantically involved or at least that the woman in question fancies me, when in fact neither is the case. This is a spectacularly useless skill.

What stupid things are you highly proficient at?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), January 29th, 2002.

The most boring year of the 20th Century
1909 is making the early running. I think 1902-1911 was generally a bit dull, then the world's greatest metaphor sank and everything got good.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 5th, 2002.

Bust going Salon
Apart from surgical enlargement/reduction, are there important things women could be doing to beautify this most popular of areas?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 5th, 2002.

Suffering fools gladly
I think this is fun thing to do. Why are people so down on it?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 5th, 2002.

What's up with you? Swallowed a dictionary?
I am finding Dictionaraoke quite intriguing and not just a novelty site at all. Its mixing of karaoke with CD-ROM dictionary diction proves horribly affecting in a HAL singing 'Mary Had A Little Lamb' kind of way. I was sitting at my desk listening to 'Martha My Dear' and found myself welling up with the skewed, sickly, curiously elegaic romanticism of the whole thing. 'I Got You Babe' and 'Copacabana' work well too. Don't bother with 'How Soon Is Now'. Someone has tried to be funny by using synonyms instead of the proper lyrics and it's just annoying. Anyway, the site is run by people who say 'ha ha isn't this funny' so am I a fool to take it all so seriously?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 7th, 2002.

Hardcore pornography
I was watching top documentary 'Sex & Shopping' the other day and I learned that as of last year, hardcore, Continental-style pornography is legal in Britain. Y'know - the old in/out, close ups, erections etc. Anything goes (except children and animals - never work with them darling), as long as it's sold from a licensed sex shop. This was one of the consequences of Britain adopting the EU's human rights act. No Daily Mail fuss, no Radio 5 phone-ins, nothing. Funny it was slipped through so quietly. Did you know about it?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 7th, 2002.

Pop stars' new careers
Bryan Adams becomes official royal photographer.

I preferred it when Kim Wilde took up gardening.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 7th, 2002.

Having sex with your teachers: instructive or destructive?
Over here the media are all excited about mad Cannuck Amy Guhring's admission that she had sex with one of her 16 year old pupils, after being cleared last month of indecently assaulting some other, under age ones.

If it were a male teacher, he'd be all evil and perverted and exploitative. As she's a woman, she's all unbalanced and sex-mad. But aside from that, what do you think about pupil-teacher relationships (over the age of consent)? A complete no-no? Or can they teach you stuff? Maybe better than crappo sex with some spotty contemporary? Much better for 'how did you lose your virginity' tales, anyway. Although I suppose if everyone did it it would lose its sheen.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 11th, 2002.

What does 'bubba' mean?
In black slang, maybe?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 13th, 2002.

Taking sides: 1960s WHO vs 1970s WHO
WHO's best?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 14th, 2002.

Reverse domain lookup check [warning: GEEKY QUESTION]
You know how you get websites such as this that can run a internet registry lookup for you and tell you what company or individual a website domain is registered to? Well, what I need to know is can you do this the other way around? ie. can I get a list of all the domains that a company has registered?

Come on, you know you want to help me.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 20th, 2002.

'The Pallbearer' (1996) Starring David Schwimmer and Gwyneth Paltrow
I flicked onto this on cable last week expecting nothing and was gripped. You'd never have thought it. Schwimmer was like a young Dustin Hoffman, the story was wonderfully paced and there were some startling good, odd and honest scenes. A little gem of a film.

Has anyone else seen it?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 20th, 2002.

No time for losers
My point wasnt really about individuals who dont have sex until they're 18 or 19, it was about the way that some people - often men - end up miserable and alone throughout their whole lives pretty much, and then instead of people sympathising they are basically stigmatised as weirdoes, loners, and probably perverts-in-the-making while all around them society gets ever more, uh, hypersexualised. I think the levels of damage there are fairly extreme

Tom Ewing, 2002.

Beneath the aspirations to human civilisation are we all a bunch of complete cunts? Social determinism, will to power, call it what you want, but is life really all about jostling for position, sneering at life's failures and getting the alpha male (or 'knowing your place' and settling for the omega one) Is there an element of reinforcing ones own superior status in all acts of charity? etc. etc.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 21st, 2002.

What is 'Hooligan: a history of respectable fears' and can we eat it?
I always liked the sound of this book but then I once heard Geoffrey Pearson described as a fool. Should I read it?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 22nd, 2002.

Teasmades
Since no one wants to answer my Geoffrey Pearson question, I will ask about teasmades instead.

Have you ever owned one? I used to hanker after one when I was about 15 for some reason. Do they make nice tea? According to today's Standard, evil EU technocrats have just banned them for being dangerous. Will a black market develop?

I'm sure that in the pub last night Suzy told me her friend's (older) husband invented the teasmade, but the Standard article says they were patented in the 19th Century. Could Suzy be wrong?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 22nd, 2002.

I going to be a pan handler tomorrow
Any pan-handling stories?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 23rd, 2002.

Rockism
In what areas of your life are you rockist?

I am not very rockist about music but I think I might be rockist about love and possibly literature and home furnishings. Tom, Tim and their 'mob mentality' mates (Edna says 'hegemony') are rockist about drinking.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 25th, 2002.

Was Uncle Tom an Uncle Tom?
Or is it just lazy hearsay?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 27th, 2002.

Spike Milligan RIP
He really has died now..

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 27th, 2002.

Taking Sides: White Goods vs. Brown Goods
If push came to shove.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 28th, 2002.

ILEWHACKING
A new game!

We all know about Googlewhacking . [OK, if you don't then it means putting two words into Google and getting just one page returned. My first success.].

The homely version of this is ILEWHACKING. Same rules apply but you run your search on ILE Search. If you win, you may like to post to the thread returned and revive it for the bayingNew Answers wolves.

I got just one hit returned with a seach for 'morally bankrupt', which seems wrong.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), February 28th, 2002.

Are people getting bored of biogs?
I think I've only read like about 3 biographies in my whole life. I'm just not interested enough in people's lives. But maybe I'm missing out. Do you read them? And do you tend to prefer autobiographies (which I have definitely never read any of) or ones written by others?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 1st, 2002.

Psychoanalysis?
In the wake of the self help books thread and general mentalism, I was wondering if anyone had any personal experience of psychoanalysis. Not counselling, cognitive therapy et al, but proper couch-time analysis in the Freudian tradition. And err... would like to talk about it. I'd be curious to have it, but it's way beyond my means.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 4th, 2002.

Did you miss me?
When I was younger I used to be convinced that all the fun went on without me. I'd lie in bed at night and hear my older sisters shouting and laughing. As time went on this was replaced by an anxiety that the people on the school coach were arranging their social lives and planning things while I was sitting waiting for the 37 bus. By the time I got to university, it seemed to manifest itself in the perception that it was always the night before that people had had a riotous evening. I always seemed to catch people on their hangovers.

Related to this, but somewhat less miserable, was a sensitivity to missing elements in a routine social situation. When someone was off ill or something, on the surface everything went on as normal, the bear shat in the woods etc., but the school day always seemed identifiable different, depending on who was missing from the cast. You could feel the absence of xfrom everything. It's the same now at work, a bit.

There are certain people whose absence I notice from ILE when they're not around. It seems different without them. I assume it all goes to shit when I'm not here, of course. I'm off till Sunday. Have fun.

-- ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 7th, 2002.

Has Warren Barton ever made a really bad defensive error that has lost his side the game?
I don't know.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 10th, 2002.

Has anyone got any experience of THE ORGASMATRON?
I think it looks nice. [safe to click on at work]

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 10th, 2002.

"I choo-choo-choose you!"- What is the cutest thing anyone has ever said to you?
I can't think of anything.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 10th, 2002.

Films that linger on in your mind
Powell & Pressburger's A Canterbury Tale left this wonderful memory in my head, and I might be tempted to rate it as one of my favourite films, despite only having seen it once or maybe twice a long time ago. It's at once dreamlike and amazingly evocative of 1940s Britain in a way that makes you realise how few directors we had that documented that world. I was pleased to see it get a third place in this little survey.

Another film that has had a similar effect on me is The Man Who Fell To Earth .

Which films fall into this category for you?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 10th, 2002.

It all goes tits up in the Middle East
War, war is stupid and people are stupid etc.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 12th, 2002.

If the film hadn't ended there..
Lee & Herring once had this feature where they would imagine how films might have turned out if they hadn't ended at the point they had. The one I remember, and one of the funniest things they ever did, was for 'Planet of the Apes'. Charlton Heston gets up from the ground, scratches his head, moves on and sees various other decaying landmarks but still doesn't click. Eventually, he comes across a bunch of apes with synths and guitars singing Duran Duran's 'Planet Earth'.

Last night I watched 'The Wicker Man' for the first time (bit rub I thought) and imagined it carrying on with the police wondering where Sgt Dowie had got to and sending in more police for an investigation that ultimately results in the entire population being sentenced to prison for a long long time. Not very funny, but didn't Christopher Lee think of this before he went ahead with his crackpot plan?

Anyway, does anyone want to take the baby and run with it?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 12th, 2002.

Bras - what's the point?
We're all going to die anyway.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 13th, 2002.

Taking sides: footie vs. footsie
I think footsie is a good game. Actually I think it's the most exciting one I've ever played, though one has always got to beware of getting the wrong person's foot.

Footie is also quite good, but girls tend to not be so interested. Also, money has ruined it etc.

Which is best?

N.B No FTSE nonsense.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 15th, 2002.

The Royal Tenenbaums: the best film ever made by a man or a woman?
Probably not. I went to see it last night and after a great start, got a bit fed up of it after a while. But then it totally clicked again. What really made the difference for me were the scenes based around Margot towards the end. The scene with Richie in the tent, the one up on the roof where they have a cigarette and maybe above all, just the way she delivered the line "I know it was" at the end of the short ice cream parlour meeting with Royal.

How am I supposed to distinguish between critical approval and falling in love with a character/actress? That's a serious question, you know.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 21st, 2002.

I am cold
"You need to type a message; there is no "Man/woman of Few Words Award" here."

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 22nd, 2002.

Has ILE become too pally?
When one wanders into an internet community for the first time, as with a party in real life really, more self-conscious types (eg ME) tend to think that everyone knows each other and aren't interested in talking to new people. In fact, they're all usually sitting there thinking "I wish those people over there would come and talk to me - I'm bored".

I am often wary of referring to people on ILE / talking about ILE too much cause it reinforces that image. Some days it's all just in jokes and not talking about things in the open ended ways that made the community thrive in the first place. It's NOT a clique, but it's important maybe to bear in mind that it would look that way to newcomers.

Do you worry about this kind of thing?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 22nd, 2002.

What's sexier: ice maiden bitches or people being nice?
Prompted by the Gwyneth Paltrow thread. I'm afraid I go with ice maiden bitch.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 22nd, 2002.

Help me ILE.
What's the name of that American artist who painted that very famous painting of an old couple standing in front of their clapperboard house. He is holding a pitchfork while she has a bun in her hair.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 22nd, 2002.

Responsible shopping tips.
I like the idea of ethical shopping but am very lazy about finding out what to boycott. I avoid Nestlé stuff, ridiculous out of season imported cash crops and South American bananas, and buy fair trade coffee. That's a bit of a haphazard list.

Anyway, as a semi-vegetarian, I'm always aware that the fish I eat is a v.dodgy area and try not to eat cod. I was interested to read this h andy guide to other non-sustainable species. No more swordfish and monkfish for me bah.

Comments? Advice? Jibes?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 25th, 2002.

The nice and the good
or "I have spent my whole life in ruins because of people who are nice ": Discuss.

What is the difference between good and being nice? Was there an equivalent word when 'nice' still just meant 'subtle, precise or fastidious' (or obs foolish, ignorant, wanton or shy).

Did your English teacher ban you from using 'nice' in your homework?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 25th, 2002.

who is the most physically repulsive person you know?
You don't have to give their name, but maybe you could describe their boils etc.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 26th, 2002.

I agree with Harvard!
There is a brain flat!?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 26th, 2002.

Word o' the day
Clinamen. No it's probably not in your dictionary. Edna Welthorpe came out with it the other day. It's a very clever word.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), March 27th, 2002.

I need wisdom on the _dating a cow_ thing, please!
I know it's wrong, but she is all mooey.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), April 1st, 2002.

I am so hungry
And my bank will not give me any money despite my having lots in my account and it won't tell me what my balance is either so I can't check whether I have been defrauded and it's bank holiday still and they won't answer the phone till tomorrow unless I upgrade to some 'premier' account with extended telephone hours and it's annoying cause I am registered for the separate telephone banking service as part of my internet banking package but I have never used it and don't know where I kept the id number I need to access it and when I rang them on Thursday they said there was no problem and I should try another cashpoint and I have tried about ten and it was OK when the shops were open cause I could get cashback at Sainsbury's and maybe that's open again now I will try, but it's probably closed again now what with it being a bank holiday Monday.

It's weird being penniless. I'm even 3p short of the bus fare home.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), April 1st, 2002.

Recently on ILE
What have I missed? Your cruelty, your unfaithfulness? Your fun, your love, your kiss? TELL ME.

btw I really like that Holly Valance with her 'Kiss Kiss'

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), April 22nd, 2002.

Arrogance
A while ago I decided that of all the vices, arrogance was the most indefensible. Most other bad character traits have a positive flip side but arrogance and esp. self-satisfaction just seem all wrong. I said this to some friends and they said 'No - the good flip side is self-confidence'. Maybe they were right. Also, one of them said they found arrogant men attractive. People suck etc.

What do you think of it? Maybe there's good arrogance and bad arrogance and the latter is the one that covers smug self-satisfaction. How does being a know all fit into all

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), April 22nd, 2002.

What TV shows are you watching?
I am totally addicted to 24. I think it's the most exciting series I have ever seen in my life. I will not rest till next Sunday

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), April 22nd, 2002.

The best dressed nation in the world
Is it Japan, Italy or the UK?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), April 22nd, 2002.

Who is the oldest famous person?
And don't give me any of that 'the oldest person in the world is by definition famous' blather. They aren't. Well I don't know their name anywa

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), April 24th, 2002.

Love me love my job
How important, if it all, is a prospective partner's job status to you? And all other things being equal, what would you like their job to be? What's more important: how cool/interesting it is or how much money it pays? Has it changed with age? When you were younger did you want a lead guitarist and now you'd rather a lawyer? I was once asked this question and, floundering, said a classical musician. Now I think I'd rather an academic.

Conversely, have you ever caught yourself basing career choices on the basis of what might be a chick/guy

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), April 25th, 2002.

Lyrics to England World Cup Songs
I'm going to have a look myself now, but can anyone remember/find any of the words to England's 1986 and 1994 efforts ('We've got the Whole World at our Feet' with Stock Aitken and Waterman in '86 and 'On Top of the World' with Echo and the Bunneymen and the Spice Girls in '98).

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), April 25th, 2002.

Crappy English Names that are super exotic in America
The other day I was looking at a Roger Waters poster and I thought 'hmm.. they don't have men called Roger in America, do they?'.

Am I right? Do they have Barrys? What about Simon?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), April 27th, 2002.

Would you rather... be attractive to every man/woman (delete as appropriate) in the world or attractive to every man/woman in the world.
No one seems to agree with me that this is not a no-brainer.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 3rd, 2002.

Are there male fag hags?
I don't mean men who hang out with lesbians (eg. Pete). I mean straight men who especially like to hang out with gay men.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 3rd, 2002.

Careers I am still seriously considering
Script writer, sub-editor, corporate lawyer, legal aid lawyer, actor, stand-up comedian, novelist, pop star, features writer, model, social researcher.

I'm 29. Is this funny anymore?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 4th, 2002.

I am moving to Glasgow (do not read this if you mate me)
At the start of July. What should I do there?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 7th, 2002.

Is stopping worrying about everyone liking you the key to worldly success?
Or not?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 7th, 2002.

Taking sides: Pain vs. Nausea
Everytime I have an ailment I consider its symptoms' places in the canon of awfulness.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 13th, 2002.

Shocking statistics
By the age of 40, 34% of British men have a criminal record.

I heard this on the radio a while ago and could hardly believe it but here is the source.

Isn't this like, very bad? And what other statistics can you shock me with?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 13th, 2002.

I can't be bothered to read this - read it for me
A new exciting feature for ILE. Post a link to something that looks vaguely interesting and someone else will read it for you and tell you about it.

First up:

D uckie: the 'post-gay phenomenon'

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 14th, 2002.

How young is 'young'?
Pete says Anna is misusing the word 'young' in applying it to someone aged 29. What does 'young' mean to you? Obviously, it depends on the context (novelists, for example, are young if they're under 50) and even more it depends on the age of person using the word. If I was was 80 I would be laughing at 40 somethings worrying about getting old. But it's maybe particularly affected by the average age of people in the media too - swathes of 30 and 40 something editors and journalists set the agenda and talk about 'young' and 'old' people accordingly.

I am sick of all the contingency and continuum. Can we all just agree on an age where one stops being young, please? It would be much easier.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 14th, 2002.

Did Harold from Neighbours ever release a single?
Or am I imagining this?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 14th, 2002.

THE EXPERIMENT
Anyone watch this on BBC2 last night?

I thought the results (so far) were interesting but the whole thing is weird cause

a) it's not made clear how much the participants have to stick to the prisoner/guard rules (could the guards have got slung out for not locking them up at all and having one big party?)

b) the inevitable ban on violence means the guards had no rock on which to build their authority - if prisoners refuse to go to their cell they can't be frogmarched there so what do you do? The whole thing is a sham in that sense.

That reformed crack addict really wound me up, though with his philosophy on life. I was that conflict-avoidance internet entrepreneur.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 15th, 2002.

Baby names
I love thinking of names I like. For some reason I can usually only find the inspiration to think of girls' names, but they other day I gave the boys a chance.

N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Nick(s), don't feel bad. Most of the threads I've ever started have titles like "Dude, WOAH" and "wtf?".

nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Maurice (pronounced Morris, not Maureece)
Thurston
Michael
Tyler
Louis

Did I do good? Bear in mind this is on the assumption that he will have my surname, so names ending in d or t sound awkward.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 15th, 2002.

Catching people's eye
I hate it when I catch a stranger's eye and they smile at me and I don't react quickly enough to smile back before they pass by. Everyone should be smiling at people who catch their eye and now I'm just looking like an aloof, unfriendly thing.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 17th, 2002.

Just gimme some truth
You think I can't handle it? You can't.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 20th, 2002.

Kennedy and the moon
Before he made his big speech about Americans landing on the moon by the end of the decade, Kennedy had a discussion with advisers at which he was quoted as saying something along the lines of "We've got to pull our finger out or else the first man on the moon will be called Sergei". Can anyone point me in the direction of the actual quote?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 20th, 2002.

Techie help required for a World Cup sweepstake webpage
So I'm in this World Cup sweepstake that involves having four teams and a nominated goalscorer. 3pts for a win, 1 for a draw, 1 for each team goal scored, 1 for each goal your goalscorer scores. At least 20 people in it.

If I wanted to write a basic webpage for this, is it beyond me? I can do basic HTML, tables etc. But I'd like to not have to update each person's total by hand but instead have some kind of simple back-end to it that would allow me to just enter all the team and goalscorer scores and have all our totals update automatically (and maybe even sorted into a table). An

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 21st, 2002.

What is a do-gooder and (why) is it a bad thing?
Surely doing good is um.. a good thing. Prompted by the most recent post to this thread. Discuss with reference to 'bleeding hearts', if appropriate.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 21st, 2002.

The Rutles
The Rutles 2: Can't Buy Me Lunch is on the way. Does this warrant enthusiasm?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 24th, 2002.

I have just had my photo taken in Gazza's tear-stained shirt
It's a blurry polaroid. I was assured the shirt hadn't been washed but it didn't seem that stinky.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 27th, 2002.

I have made a terrible error - JADE MUST STAY
Yes her voice is terrible when she gets excited, she's not v.bright and she looks a bit like a pig, but she's not a bad person. In fact I think she's quite a sweetheart. In these new moral times I have decided that

P.J. must go . He's an arse, he's aggressively normal, he fancies his chances with Nathalie Imruglia and he is a love rat. Even 'Teen Wolf' being his third favourite film of all time cannot make amends.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 28th, 2002.

I have changed my mind - working in marketing is obviously brilliant
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_597165.html?menu=news.quirkies

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 28th, 2002.

This is the thread where we talk about Vladimir Vasilj
You know - the third choice Croatian goalkeeper.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 30th, 2002.

Outré belt wearing
Ken Livingstone and Janine from Eastenders have taken to wearing their belts in odd positions, with the buckle at the back or the side. Should this be encouraged?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 30th, 2002.

What is the best free webmail these days?
I am giving up on hotmail and yahoo.

-- Austin. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), May 30th, 2002.

Decimalisation of time: Classic or Dud?
Would we all get sleek and modern?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), June 9th, 2002.

Why is "Tesco's" inherently funnier than "Tesco"?
Also "out of Simply Red" rather than "from Simply Red"?

Or maybe it isn't anymore.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), June 13th, 2002.

What is Heavy Petting?
And can we do it around swimming pools?

[prompted by the PJ-Jade arguments]

-- N> ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), June 14th, 2002.

Is it acceptable to piss in a kitchen bin and not tell anyone?
No one seems to be talking about this. On BB yesterday they announced that before his 'dramatic escape', Sandy urinated in the kitchen bin.

Later, Kate and Adele were emptying it and said "Oooh - there's liquid leaking out of it". After running with the dripping bag across the room, they mopped it up with a cloth on their hands and knees.

Now I'm not squeamish about piss, but surely this is a really really horrible thing for Sandy to have done. Especially when his weephobic pal Alex is around (though in the other half of the house). So much for him being mature.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), June 14th, 2002.

World Cup quarter final throwdown (and other simulations)
Two days without football! Let the protracted build up begin.

The Turks honked their way all down Green Lanes this morning.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), June 18th, 2002.

Would you rather go out with a sex offender (reformed) or a fascist (unreformed)
I have not been offered this choice or anything.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), June 18th, 2002.

Spencer: cocky charmer or charmless cockfarmer?
I have loved him from the moment I saw him. My only doubts have come when he slagged off 'The Others' but I shouldn't have expected otherwise.

He seems to be a classic Englishman. He's the only one who's not lost touch with reality. A bullshit detector but funny as fuck with it. I wonder if I would like him in real life. Probably not - he'd get all the girls I wanted.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), June 19th, 2002.

Kyddic
Does not exist in any context, or so Google would lead me to believe.

What other great words are mysteriously non-existent

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), June 20th, 2002.

THE WORLD CUP MUST GO (on?)
Have you lost interest since your team went out?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), June 24th, 2002.

Taking sides: Tims vs Pauls
On the latest BB3 thread, Tim Hopkins MBE was lamenting the low standard of Tims in popular culture over the last 20 years. My bugbear has always been PAULS. They're awful! All of them. Which is worse?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), June 25th, 2002.

I think I heard the best track ever (do not read if you hate hip hop)
A couple of times on the radio. I think it's Consider Yourseld by N.O.R.E feat Kelis but I got confused about what Tim Westwood was saying. Can anyone who knows this track describe what it sounds like and I'll see if there's a match.

Alternatively, just describe how the track you like but don't know the name of goes.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), July 14th, 2002.

How dateable are you?
You can answer this question generally, or with special reference to the latest test at thespark.com.

I am 67% dateable, which sounded OK till I discovered that only 32% of those who had taken the test so far were less dateable than me. I blame it on not being American. It's not one of thespark's best efforts.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), July 15th, 2002.

Are we more intelligent than we were 20 years ago?
I think I was a smart kid when I was little (not just in academic terms, socially intelligent too, at least in the sense of usually being above whatever stupid phases my peers were going through) though I didn't especially think about it at the time. As the years went by everyone else seemed to catch up with me and now I don't think I'm extraordinary at all.

Does this strike a chord with anyone else? (obv. change the 20 in the title to whatever is appropriate, teenagers/old timers)

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 2nd, 2002.

Would everyone be happier if there was more waltzing?
Old skool ballroom dancing (heck, any kind of dancing where you do it with a partner and there are like.. steps) seems to me an ideal way of at once sublimating and advancing sexual desires.

Shouldn't we mourn its passing?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 2nd, 2002.

Help me with this USB/PCI madness [do not read if you hate boring things]
I'm really tempted to buy a computer, but my friend has given me an old PC (Pentium II I think) that I could just get a screen, mouse and keyboard for and be away. BUT it doesn't have USB ports. And I've got my lovely new digital camera and it needs one. Is it possible to add USB to an old PC? Is it easy? Are there any performance issues?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 13th, 2002.

Laughing
What's your laugh like? What's the strangest laugh you've ever heard? Have you ever broken up with anyone because of their laugh? Why do we laugh anyway?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 20th, 2002.

Should I buy an eMac?
Further to last week's USB quandry, I discovered that the box I have is older than I thought (1996) so I am thinking I might buy a new thing after all.


What of the basic eMac? Seems that by forgoing the flatscreen of the iMac you get more computer for your money. 700MHz. 17" CRT, 128MB RAM, 40GB hard drive and a DVD/CD-RW drive.


Any advice?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 20th, 2002.

Can really' short people be attractive?
I was fascinated by Teenage Dwarf last night. It shouldn't have been weird to watch them all together, doing like miniaturised versions of things we do (going out drinking, leering over girls, eyeing each other up on the dancefloor etc.) BUT IT WAS. And knowing it was just the same but smaller *yet ridiculous* made the bigger version seem ridiculous. I don't know if I can go on.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), August 21st, 2002.

Nicole: the most wonderful woman ever known to a man or a woman
I just wanted to irritate her.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 1st, 2002.

Is crack cocaine really so bad?
So we're all used to the idea that pure heroin's only ill side effect is constipation and that all the badness is caused by impurities, unreliable strength and dirty needles. But crack - that's some bad shit isn't it? Or so we've been led to believe. I'm just wondering if it is. Does it turn you into a nasty motherfucker or is it all just meedja lies?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 2nd, 2002.

Is happiness overrated?
Vale of tears
Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
Soma
Ignorance is bliss

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 3rd, 2002.

Who sings 'Electric Blue' on the Clarks Shoes advert?
It's for umm.. a friend.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 3rd, 2002.

Is this the future?
Girl to get tracker implant to ease parents' fears.

I found the sentence "Yesterday several children's charities said they were unsure about the implant." inordinately amusing.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 3rd, 2002.

Barry Norman: Classic or Dud
I always thought he was quite reliable in a boring kind of way. But my friend hates him and says he ruined the British film industry or something.

Loveable institution or filthy creep?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 4th, 2002.

Which film critics do you trust (if any?)
Peter Bradshaw personally - he can be relied upon to be totally wrong.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 4th, 2002.

Talk To Her
Is it OK to suggest that good came out of a rape?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 9th, 2002.

This the thread where we talk about my teeth
I have a cavity at on my left, bottom molar, right at the back. It's not exposed to the surface - it's developed in some bit where the teeth are squashed together and I can't get at with my toothbrush. Something is going to have to be done.
Two options:

1. Pull the wisdom tooth behind it in order to gain access, then have root canal surgery done. Difficult to assess chances of success - tooth may be so far gone that this may work for a while then collapse one day causing enormous pain and the removal of the tooth after all and I'll be left with two teeth missing rather than one. Will cost about £160 on the NHS, depending on whether I need a crown or not.

2. Just pull the infected tooth. Even though it's kind of hidden from normal view I quite like having a full arch of teeth. If I get older and lose more teeth, I might curse not keeping the ones that I could. Would be a lot less of an ordeal and only cost about £40.

What should I do?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 17th, 2002.

Fantasy I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!
I know I haven't exactly got my finger on the pulse of culture here, and this has probably already been a Radio 5 phone in topic, but it occurred to me in bed last night that the whole marooned celebrity thing chimes exactly with a thought experiment I've often toyed with. Except mine didn't involve people like Darren Day.

I was thinking:

Morrissey
Momus
Stuart Murdoch
George W. Bush
Saddam Hussain
James Anderton

And like, properly stranded on a desert island, for quite a while.

Am I naive, or would this have genuine implications for world history? Which alliances would form?

Who would you like to see?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 19th, 2002.

Why was there like, this big gap between classical gods and superheroes?`
Is Christianity to blame?

Do you think men were more into Zeus, Odin et al. than women?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 19th, 2002.

Mick Farren
I just read his memoirs, Give the Anarchist a Cigarette. I enjoyed it a lot. I'd never heard of him or the Deviants before.

What do you know and think about him?

I'm wondering whether to get hold of one of his records. I don't think I'd like it, but who knows. It's weird reading all about someone (though the book is more about the 60s/70s counterculture/music scene than his own work) without having heard or read their work oneself. I think I'll steer clear of his novels.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 26th, 2002.

In defence of Button Moon
It saddens me that so many here who love Oscar the Rabbit don't feel the same way about Button Moon, which proceeds from basically the same premise: the sort of banal-but-essential life-challenges of girl/group are allegorized into action-y saving-the-world scenarios (not to mention which Sandra Dickinson is Gernashus only with better outfits). Except Button Moon is that even more so plus with fairy-tale melodrama like you wouldn't believe and villains that are sort of terrifying emblems of gender-role problems.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 26th, 2002.

At what age [did you]/[do you expect to] give up on your dreams?
You can't take ambitions to your grave? Or can you?

When is it time to give up on what you hope you'd be and settle for just being another nobody?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 26th, 2002.

Send me an email
Especially if you have never sent me one before, but anyway. It's an experiment.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 26th, 2002.

Waking up in other people's homes
I used to find it exciting, then I decided I was old enough to just want to wake up in my own bed and now I find it a thrill again. Perhaps I am trying to recapture my youth or imagine myself as some kind of itinerant free spirit.

Best of all is when it takes a few seconds to work out where I am.

Do you like it?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 26th, 2002.

If someone introduced themselves to you as 'Perri Neum' would you immediately think 'asshole'?
Huh?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 29th, 2002.

Should Christopher Reeve run again in 2004?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/showbiz/2263289.stm

Where do you stand on stem cell research and Bush's attempts to block it?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 29th, 2002.

After the club
I think this http://www.aftertheclub.co.uk is a clever idea. A kind of cross between I Saw You and friends reunited. I wonder if anyone uses it. Have you seen it being promoted at clubs?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 29th, 2002.

Stickers
What do think about the putting stickers in public places thing? Do you think of it as a branch of graffiti? What't the best political one you have seen? Does anything beat bits of chewing gum on Miss Saigon's nose?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 29th, 2002.

Pole idol
Student pole dancing night to tour the nation

The tone of the story seems to imply that it's only worrying because they are students. It does make it more of a story, I have to admit.

It never happened in my day, etc.

"If the girls want to dance at the pole then they should."

Hurrah for Argentinian student Sebastian Maza!

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 30th, 2002.

Why is ILE such wank today?
Or is it?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), September 30th, 2002.

How many people have you, you know, lived with
I think, including my family, 48.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 1st, 2002.

The funniest joke in the world proved by science
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_683152.html

Ananova fails to report what Laughlab's researchers found to be UK's funniest joke:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!". The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you".

Dear God that is rubbish. Has science come undone?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 3rd, 2002.

Racist 'planned terror campaign'
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,3604,804378,00.html

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/2296481.stm

I've just realised this is the bloke the police were asking my mum about (whether she could remember him buying the bomb-making equipment at the garden centre she worked at - she couldn't).

Anyway - he's clearly gone nuts, what with his Chinese ex-wife saying she never remembers him making any racist comments. Doesn't 14 years seem a bit of a long sentence to you?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 4th, 2002.

What did you find funny when you were twelve?
I think possibly I had moved on from Kenny Everett and found Monty Python funny. Maybe that was a bit later. Oh I know - the Young Ones.

I think I find more things funny now than I did then. I'm struggling to remember what I found funny in real life then, apart from bad rubber swaps and beef crisps (cheap laughs)

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 8th, 2002.

Why I love the Welsh
Police form 'frying squad' to catch fuel tax cheats

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 9th, 2002.

Ballardian dystopic vision undermined by idiot pensioner
Insurers refuse payments to pensioner obsessed with car crashes

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 9th, 2002.

What is post-structuralism anyway?
I have no idea.

Come to think of it, what is structuralism?

I have a vague idea that it is French and stupid, but please enlighten me.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 9th, 2002.

Best ex-England manager in the Premiership
It took me a while to notice that we now have the last five England coaches managing Premiership clubs. And if you count caretaker managers, now that Howard Wilkinson has taken over at Sunderland, we now have the last six.

Who's the best club manager?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 10th, 2002.

The worst of all counties
What is the worst county in England? I am thinking Lincolnshire.

Maybe Hertfordshire or Bedfordshire.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 14th, 2002.

Whatever happened to Portugal?
Apart from the football team, I never hear anything about it and I never meet anyone Portuguese. Who are the Portuguese celebrities?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 14th, 2002.

Man and woman sitting in restaurant etiquette
I was once told it was polite to sit facing the wall so that the woman could have the view of the restaurant, other men etc. Do you agree?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 15th, 2002.

Googling your own birthdate.
"1 may 1973"
"1st may 1973"
"may 1st 1973"
"1 may 73"
"may 1 73"
"5/1/1973"
"1/5/1973"
"1/5/73"
"5/1/73"

etc.

Thrillingly on, 1st May 1973 Mr. R. S. Bath took over the Visa Oshwal Primary School. There's also stuff about the Wicker Man, obv.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 15th, 2002.

Embarrassing things Europeans do while visiting America..
Go on, tell me.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 16th, 2002.

imaginary enemies
When I lie in bed at night I fight straw men. Sometimes they turn out to be paper tigers.

Who would you invent, given the chance?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 19th, 2002.

How you broke in
Ronan's thread "Difficult to break into" made me think, why not ask people who have broken in how they did it.

So, if you work in the creative industries (writer, editor, painter-decorator etc.), how did you work your way in? Did you have a 'first break'?

Please do not mention the lizards.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 19th, 2002.

Words that look odder and odder the more you look at or say them
London.

London.

London.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 21st, 2002.

Five women and a girl holding a cat's tail
.]The New York Library Digital Picture Library

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 24th, 2002.

Health club spa baths: Luxurious treat or Health & Safety nightmare?
I once almost caught ameobic meningitis off some natural hot spring in New Zealand (it was called Kerosin, I should have known) but that's another story.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 24th, 2002.

I'm a gonna kick MIKE HANLE Y's ass
If he doesn't hurry up and send Jel a track for the ILX compilation.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 24th, 2002.

Why do so many Americans go to church?
According to Matthew Engel's factbook today, weekly church attendance in the USA runs at 40%. It's just 2% in the UK. What explains this huge difference?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 28th, 2002.

What was the worst culture you ever experienced?
I just misread the other question.

But really, where have you been that has just made you hold up your hands and say "There are limits to relativistic fair play - this culture is just plain bad"?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 28th, 2002.

Is this the lamest excuse ever?
Ryder Told Saks She Was Researching Role.

What are the most appalling excuses for things have you made/heard in your time?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), October 31st, 2002.

Inane radio phone-in circles
Someone mentions that brain disorder/genes/upbringing/poverty/provocation/bad experience might be a cause of some murder/robbery/terrorist attack/other bad thing.

Someone else is outraged and says you can't use that as an excuse and some people had the same background and are model citizens

Someone else says it's an explanation, not an excuse.

Somebody else tries to make a pat distinction between people who know what they're doing and those who can't help it.

It goes on and on, night after night. And never gets anywhere.

Meanwhile philosophers sit and debate free will and responsibility (or maybe they don't anymore) but the people on the radio don't get involved in this. No, they don't come to a single conclusion but they get a long way past all the crap above.

I hate people. The enlightenment is over. Everyone's just giving up.

What other things do people pronounce back and forth about in the same simplistic way that make you want to scream "YOU ARROGANT FUCKS - PEOPLE HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT THIS FOR CENTURIES AND YOU THINK YOUR STUPID 2 MINUTE CONVERSATION DESTINED TO BE REPEATED A MILLION TIMES IS WORTH HAVING"

?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 4th, 2002.

Lisa Simpson: classic or dud?
Tireless campaigner against the dumbing down of America or rockist scum?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 5th, 2002.

Going to a Goa(-go)
I'm going to Goa (Cavelossim in Salcete region) for two weeks on Saturday.

Am I making the right decision? What shall I do when I get there?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 5th, 2002.

Muscular Prose
I don't think I like it.

Give me some examples so I know what to avoid, or alternatively, know where to broaden my horizons.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 5th, 2002.

The Nimbus 2000 is no more
Mattel has bowed to pressure and withdrawn the Harry Potter vibrating broomstick from sale. Parents had expressed alarm that their children were putting it to inappropriate use.

SFGate.comreproduces a selection of Amazon customer reviews now pulled from the site.

See Page 4 of today's Metro (etc.) for the story.

Has Geoff got one?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 6th, 2002.

Spreading jam on your CDs: Classic or Dud?
I have just spread peanut butter on my Derek B 7" and it plays perfectly.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 27th, 2002.

Which words can you just not get into your head.
No matter how often I use it (v.often, I assure you), I cannot spell diarrhoea without looking it up in a dictionary first. The US spelling confuses things further.

Which words' spellings do you have a block about?

(btw Graham/whoever - why is there not a 'Language' ILE category?)

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 30th, 2002.

Whatever happened to Whit Stillman?
IMDB still lists no forthcoming films. Suzy or someone will know, surely?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 30th, 2002.

Reading Mac-burned CD-RW discs on a PC
When I make a CD-RW data disc on my eMac and try to read it on a PC (a recent, Dell one running Windows NT) the folders are displayed but when I try to open one I get the error message 'D:\Digital pics is not accessible. The folder was moved or removed'.

If I burn files to the top level of the disc, without putting them in folders, it works fine. But this is a pain when I've got a disc of hundreds of files.

I can't find any help for this on the net. Does this problem sound normal to you.

Shouldn't CD-RW disc formatting be platform independent?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), November 30th, 2002.

December
It's December and I'm ambushed with unexpected emotion. Every December I've ever had is raining in hard on me, a deluge of associations and memories. For as long as I can remember, I've thought I've known what winter is forever. But even now, there's only thirty of them to go on. I smoke as many cigarettes in a couple of days. But that's the way it works. Our brains are equipped to get a handle on life so fast. Have you ever tried to gather up all you know of the universe in a moment? That's your life, that is.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 1st, 2002.

Abandoned working titles
Jerry ha ha.

So 'The Time Machine' started out as 'The Chronic Argonauts'.

I learned yesterday that Leo Baxendale's Bash Street Kids was originally called 'When The Bell Rings', which is a bit rub.

What are your favourites.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 4th, 2002.

Is an ebay virgin being had?
So I put in a bid of about £18 on a copy of Photoshop Elements 2 (disc only, no manual). I get immediately outbid but then someone (the guy running the auction I think - would anyone else get my address?) emails me to say hey just send me a cheque for £8.50 and I'll send you the CD, don't worry about the auction not being over yet.

Should I go for it or am I likely to get burned? What is the likelihood that it's a bootleg copy anyway (not sure how much I mind about this if I don't *know* that it's dodgy when I part with my money). Will I just get nothing at all?

It's a proper-looking, home address in Wales he wants me to send the cheque to. Not just a PO Box, I mean.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 4th, 2002.

A la recherche de shampoo perdu
Last night the past burned bright when I took a sniff of my new Schwartzkoff shampoo. I don't know what perfume agent it was but it was so evocative I am tempted to buy loads and loads of shampoos in a quest for lost childhood. I bet that smelling that eggy-coloured one in the opaque cylindrical bottle with the monochromatic drawing of the long flowing hair would do terrible things to me.

Have you had any good throwback moments with toiletries lately?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 6th, 2002.

Geriatric Christmas Presents Ideas Thread
The only member of my family I have nothing for yet is my grandpa. What should I buy him? Surely not crystallised fruits again!!?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 6th, 2002.

Taking sides: Peter Kay vs Phil Kay vs Paul Kaye vs Gordon Kaye
Who's the funniest funnyman?

Last night I heard about Stubby Kaye too but he doesn't count.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 9th, 2002.

What if they had killed us all?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/1529754.stm

Children should not be given such ideas.

HANG ON A MINUTE. This story took place over a year ago and now Britain is now an earthquake zone. I am v.suspicious.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 9th, 2002.

Unrestricted immigration: Classic or Dud?
Is there any reason it doesn't happen other than fear of voter opposition? Is that voter opposition justified in the national interest? If so, are there good international, humanist reasons for national interests being protected?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 10th, 2002.

STOP GETTING BOND WRONG
That was my idea. For a couple of years now, I've been saying to anyone who would listen that they should take Casino Royale and make a proper film out of it, set in the period it was orginally written. And now the New Yorker says exactly the same thing, except they specify Ang Lee as director. Only problem is that I believe there are 'contractual difficulties' that prevents Mr Broccoli et al. from filming it before.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 11th, 2002.

Meat Raffles: Classic or Dud?
Isadora said she won one as a child and was disappointed.

I only found out about them in 1995 and was v.confused by the whole thing. Arew the winners supposed to go meat crazy for a while, or does it go in a freezer?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 12th, 2002.

The Royal Tenenbaums DVD
It has been too long.

My flatmate bought it. It's as great as ever but what's with that Peter Bradley Show extra? Is it for real? It's completely nuts. Though the 80s reject Stipemalkovich guy in the beret almost spoils it.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 12th, 2002.

eating in the path
Are you sometimes in such a rush that you're still eating your breakfast when you leave for work in the morning? Someone I knew at university saw someone else eating toast at the bus stop and went 'Tsk - what an affectation!'

DO you eat in the street generally.

This forum has hit rock bottom, etc.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@hotmail.com ), December 13th, 2002.

I've been wrong before
What have you been most wrong about in the past?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), December 27th, 2002.

What's the least appropriate/worst present you have ever received?
When I was about 13, my Godmother gave me 'A Secret World of Sex' - an account of British attitudes to sex in the first half of the 20th Century.

Actually, I quite enjoyed it, but my grandmother said it was not a good present to have given.

The year before, the same Godmother had given me a limericks book full of limericks containing words like 'fuck','quim' and 'plumb'.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), December 27th, 2002.

Why is 'prawn' not in the Nokia dictionary?
And how come I have never noticed before - surely I am always texting people about prawns?

Those mysterious Finns (also not in there, though Finn is so I don't know if that should count).

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), December 27th, 2002.

AIM TOFFEES NOW PLEASE
What's the most stupid way in which you have been attacked? Or attacked someone else, for that matter.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), December 27th, 2002.

Having sex with famous people
Do people who have got lucky with celebrities have to stop themselves shouting "I'M HAVING SEX WITH HALLE BERRY" at the top of their voices and spoiling everything? (especially if it's not Halle Berry, obv.)

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), December 27th, 2002.

An extraordinarily interesting question about DVD playback on a PS2
When I play DVDs on my (standard, old skool shape) TV I obviously want them to be shown in the correct aspect ratio. But my PS2 seems to insist on stretching the picture vertically to fit the screen.

There seem to be two places where you can fiddle with settings. First, before you put a disc in, you can go to the PS2's configuration screen. I have tried all three options of screen size here and it makes no difference at all. Second, when the DVD is playing, you can stop it, go to settings and supposedly change the screen size there but mine seems to be locked on 4:3 - it doesn't let me change it.

I tried changing the output to RGB too, but this didn't do anything to fix it.

Surely there is a way of sorting this out. Everyone looks tall!

(I have looked in vain for something on the TV itself but no luck. It only seems to let you mess about with things like that for normal TV and cable (I used to watch digital TV in letterbox format fine) but not for AV inputs.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 6th, 2003.

I am weirded out by people hating me
Kim implies that she does not like me (here). I have never been able to cope with this and I think this is at the root of the shyness I still have.

But I do not like people who do not care if people like them (though I assume they are unhappy and therefore I feel bad for them too).

I do not know what I am asking.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 8th, 2003.

Flags
Leading on from Why are Amurkin Southerners so uppity about their flag? , who feels allegiance to a flag? It feels a bit ridiculous/anachronistic/for meatheads on the one hand but on the other I weep for our lost gang membership. Maybe I am just an asshole. I guess if I were persecuted or something then a flag or some sort might get important to me but ultimately we'd win and we'd laugh at flag waving again. I hate cycles.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 8th, 2003.

Lesbians' outness
I have not come across nearly as many gay women as men. Why are they less visible, or are there just fewer of them?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 8th, 2003.

Regretting having children
So some people umm and ahh about whether they want kids, partners disagree, about turn can happen etc. And the people who never have kids? It tears some up and others are quite happy.

But what of those who finally do it after a period of indecision? Do any of them ever regret *having* kids. And do they have to keep it their secret for the rest of their lives? Or can you openly say "Hey, I've got nothing against my kids, but if I had my time again I wouldn't have has them" without being a complete monster?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 13th, 2003.

What was that wacko philosophy of time and causation that ILE came out with once?
I'm pretty sure that mark s and Momus were involved. It was on one of those long threads.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 13th, 2003.

The state of Unaswered Questions
It's really piling up these days

Do you sometimes leave people's questions unanswered to teach them a lesson?

[not answering this would be a terrific joke]

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 13th, 2003.

How long do you give the human race?
There's lots of things that might kill us all.

Also, only monitor lizards seem to have got the not dying out thing sussed. Sure Greek myth and Aesop's Fables point to our cleverness bringing our ultimate comeuppance?

Does this bother the non-religious among you? I'm shit at just 'enjoying the moment'.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 14th, 2003.

B.O. - classic or dud?
Just a little bit - sexy and manly (perhaps having an unconscious effect)? Or just vile?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 15th, 2003.

Did your parents used to sing you songs?
Melissa's mother used to sing Bali Hai to her before she went to sleep.

My dad used to sing us lots of songs. Right now the only one I can remember is the one that ends 'and here comes a chopper to chop off your HEAD'. We used to love that.

My mum is not such a keen singer but I do know that she used to do 'Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep' quite a lot. "Where's your mama gone / (where's your mama gone)?" ..in retrospect, maybe my parents were horrible.

What songs make you curl up in a ball and weep for your lost childhood?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 16th, 2003.

Other countries with an unarmed police force
Where apart from the UK do the police not carry firearms as a matter of course?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 17th, 2003.

One of the reasons life is not what it could be
I had to approach someone in the office I didn't know about a work matter. Every fortnightly departmental meeting I have said I'm onto it, they're slippery to get hold of etc. He didn't respond to an email and then I got a block about ringing. I used to worry about it at night. I thought of exuses why each moment was not the right time and considered ringing from home or my mobile so that no one could overhear the conversation (but then I thought he might have one of the phones that tells you which extension is calling and it would seem weird to have been phoning from outside).

There's another meeting tomorrow. I just made the call. It took 30 secs. It's fine and he's coming down to chat about the matter at 2.30.

I am an idiot.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 21st, 2003.

Who are sbp and Morus and why are they quoting a hilarious post of mine?
Do a find on 'dastoor' here.

Site is run by Aaron Swartz and Sean B. Palmer.

Didn't show up on Google, but as the last hit on a search at http://www.teoma.com

Found any strange references to you on the internet lately?

Did

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 26th, 2003.

A man that everyone likes and everyone has seen
Bob Carolgees?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 23rd, 2003.

A woman that everyone likes and everyone has seen
Perhaps easier than finding a man?

Who does everyone know and like on ILE? (people from Dunedin are not allowed).

Lady Miss Kier?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 23rd, 2003.

Do loud, obnoxious people always claim they are shy?
There's a great bit in 'Metropolitan' where some girl defends her choice of brutish boyfriend by claiming that underneath he's really shy and sensitive. At which point the (not shy and sometimes wanky) guy she's talking to explodes and shouts that if she ever met a genuinely shy man then she wouldn't even give them the time of day.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 24th, 2003.

Charmin Breaking News...
You know - when you risk underfolding a lo-ply tissue?

Any bad experiences?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 24th, 2003.

WOMEN AND MEN: How many pairs of shoes do own?
I have about 15 pairs in all I guess (if you count trainers, boots and wellies)

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 25th, 2003.

I'm backing Kasparov
Kasparov leads over computer

I guess that one day computers will always beat even him, but I love that Canute-like, last man in at British Bulldog, he's still standing as AI and mega-processors throw their worst at him.

Do you care about the man v. machine chess wars?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 27th, 2003.

Is resenting your parents character-building?
As suggested by Ricky T?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 28th, 2003.

Time Warner AOL racks up a $98.7 BILLION loss for 2002
I thought I had misheard this when I turned on the radio this morning

That's just... mind boggling.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 30th, 2003.

Is 'thank you' disappearing?
I try to say it. Or 'thanks'. Or 'ta'.

But I cannot stop the ubiquitious 'chiz' coming out in its place quite often.

Are you a chizzer?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 1st, 2003.

Space Shuttle Horror
It appears to have blown up.

http://www.cnn.com/2003/TECH/space/02/01/shuttle.landing.ap/index.html

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 1st, 2003.

In Memphis, Tennessee, May 9th is official ...Marti Pellow Day
Surprise me with other facts.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 1st, 2003.

What really embarrassing thing have you said recently?
I just quoted the Joe Pesci 'waddya mean funny ' thiing not realising just how hackneyed it was as a routine. I feel terrible. I am off my food.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 3rd, 2003.

Use other routines please
With reference to Use Other Facts Please! and What really embarrassing thing have you said recently? , and maybe Pop Cliché: Advanced Level , what 'ha ha this is funny' things make you wince and want to interject with a "Stop! You're only embarrassing yourself."?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 3rd, 2003.

What would public opinion be re: this whole affair were the party genders switched?
As demanded here, I think.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 3rd, 2003.

What's your favourite bra colour?
As demanded here, I think.

I like everything but green and bright red.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 3rd, 2003.

Has the cat pissed in my wardrobe?
I trapped her in there all day and I am scared to investigate.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 3rd, 2003.

ILE and the maybe the internet generally: life-sapping forces of evil?
So, you go and see a film* and the fog clears, the world seems a much bigger place, and you're thinking about changing your life and and yeah you know that the feeling never lasts and you never do anything about it but still. And then you come home and you log onto ILE and make some lame joke hanging on the American usage of the word pissed and the whole entropic process is catalysed. Yeah, I'm mixing my scientific metaphors, fuckwads. So stick a thermometer up my arse.

What gives?

*City of God

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 5th, 2003.

psychoexgirlfriend.com
Someone posted a link to this:

http://www.psychoexgirlfriend.com/voicemails.html

I listened to a few and yeah one or two were funny or sad but during some others I just felt like I was participating in a vile violation of someone. Is this kind of thing even legal? Is it wrong? Does it make any difference if the women were mentally ill? Does it make it worse ?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 6th, 2003.

RGB? CMYK? Pantone 92?
I know so little about colour. Tell me a little thing you know.

Another thread I can't categorise.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 11th, 2003.

What's wrong with (old-fashioned) mentalism?
ie. one word for the theory that there is no physical world - it's just a figment* of our imaginations. It makes a lot more sense to me than the other candidates: a) materialism, in which consciousness is somehow accommodated within the physical world, b) dualism, which begs the question of how the two realms interact.

It just doesn't seem to be a v.popular position these days.

*figment is a great word. I must learn how to use it without 'imagination' someday.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 11th, 2003.

Do not give out this URL
http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&safe=off&q=%22do+not+give+out+this+URL%22&meta=

ha ha

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 11th, 2003.

So what exactly *do* cats want out of relationships?
This isn't another pointless piece of thread riffing (honest).

I want to know if they are happy, but that inscrutable thing just makes me lose interest.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 11th, 2003.

What steps can we take to ensure that the 2015 fashions of Back to the Future Part II become a reality?
Is it too late to act on this?

Also - is it intrinisicaly impossible to escape your own time when inventing future fashions for films? Even doing this for historical dramas seems to beyond the capabilities of most costume and make up artists.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 13th, 2003.

Have you ever offered someone you know money to go out with you / have sex?
If not, just how desperate and mental have you got?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 13th, 2003.

Do not read if you hate spoilers
You are all going to die someday.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 18th, 2003.

Bobby Robson is 70 today
I'd love to be at the top of my game when I'm 70. Happy Birthday Sir Bobby.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 18th, 2003.

Threads that don't quite make the cut
Thought of a topic that isn't worth starting a thread about? Post it here:


Taking sides: northern hemisphere vs. southern hemisphere

Pick only one sexual trick

Peculiar artefacts of the orgasm

Secrets of teamaking

Which is the lamest coversation topic: names of phobias or collective nouns?

Worms: Search and Destroy


-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 21st, 2003.

Do you ever search Google for phrases that might link to 'your kind of web page'
I liked the phrase 'or some such hilarity' when Tom used it once. I thought that anywhere else that used it might be an interesting place to look at. Google hadn't indexed the thread Tom used it on.

Ever done this?

Any ideas for what else to search on? To clarify, the phrase can't be an actual subject that you are interested in.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 25th, 2003.

WOMEN: Do you go for men who'll look after you?
Or would you rather have a man who needs looking after?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 26th, 2003.

Fragments of dialogue
Miles: Yeah, that and the dementia thing.

Alice: Stop saying 'This and that thing all the time. It's annoying.

Miles: Yeah, sorry.

Alice: And stop saying 'Yeah sorry' all the time - it starts to get meaningless and a bit passive-aggressive with overuse.

Miles: Yeah.

Alice: You think you're proving some kind of point here, don't you?

Miles: [silence]

Alice: Asshole.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 7th, 2003.

You've bean had
An Edinburgh woman has been duped into putting her feet in baked beans by a suspected foot fetishist claiming to be raising money for Comic Relief

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_757916.html

I cannot find it in my heart to condemn the use of charity telethons as a cover for crime.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 8th, 2003.

Am I black?
I got the Black Journalist newsletter from the NUJ and discovered I can attend the black journalists conference in London next month, if I want. I'm not even sure I'm a journalist, which made it doubly peculiar.

(Explanation: I ticked 'Mixed (White/Asian)' on my NUJ membership application).

Would I feel any differently about this if I were darker skinned, or if I were wholly 'Asian'?

Could I have got away (practically and morally) with applying for one of those special ethnic minority positive discriminatin trainee schemes?

It's a funny old business, race.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 9th, 2003.

Foreigners! What have you learned most about the British from your time on ILE?
Have you been surprised by anything? Any preconceptions popped? Any prejudices confirmed?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 10th, 2003.

Have you ever used anyone?
In a relationship, sexual or otherwise?

People are often accusing others of using, but are people aware of it when they do it themselves? If no, is that really using people? If yes, what were you *thinking*?

(I am interested in the process of evil)

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 10th, 2003.

Woman delights not me; no, nor men neither
Do you ever start getting bored of the fantasy of falling in love? Maybe it's a good thing.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 17th, 2003.

What do you think about when you turn the light out?
I used to think about women but I've got bored with that lately.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 17th, 2003.

Would it be a shame if the whole universe disappeared in a painless puff of smoke?
Discuss with particular reference to the pyramids.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 17th, 2003.

Problem loading page:
Temporary Table Creation Failed
If you think this might mean a problem with the server, Contact the administrator

ILX would be v.different without 'New Answers'. To think I went for weeks without realising its existence when ILM first started.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 24th, 2003.

Black comedy
I was happily lying in the bath this afternoon listening to the radio when a discussion about the position of the POWs (or not) being held post-Afghanistan by the US at the Guantanamo Bay camp. Louise Christian, one of the lawyers representing the men vs. Jack Spencer, a US 'national security adviser'. The latter slowly.. lost it.

My favourite moment:

Her: There's a very big problem in George Bush calling anyone a war crminial because the US has failed to sign up to the International Criminal Court. It's one of the few countries that's not done that.

Him: WHO CARES!?

Worth 6 minutes of anyone's time.

You can listen to it here on RealAudio, presumably till 5pm tomorrow. Fast forward to 42.40 or so (can't FF on a Mac for some reason).

I'll try to put a copy of it up on the web later.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 25th, 2003.

28 March 2002 revival in full effect
(Prompted by the Blankety Blank thread)

Happy times

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 27th, 2003.

CRACKERJACK!
It is still sweet when someone peeps an echoed 'Crackerjack!' in response.

From the age of about 15-25, I would always do a quiet 'I'm Sweet Dee, and I got da feeling' whenever I heard anyone mentions Sweet Peas (or Sweet Dee, though this was rare).

Nowadays I can't stop myself crooning 'Saaave the baabies' in response to references to 'Save the Children'.

Do you have any such err.. neurotic quirks?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 28th, 2003.

Spring is still springing but I'm stuck at work
Rather than getting bogged down in ILX I am looking at the ever lovely scrubbles.net.

What other springy websites shall I look at?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 29th, 2003.

Goya, the Chapman Brothers and Jonathan Jones
http://www.guardian.co.uk/arts/features/story/0,11710,926134,00.html

I'm a bit hyped up right now, from caffeine and other things and failed to grasp a lot of the things going on in this article.

What are the Dinos and Jake up to? I don't mean specifically with this latest project. Are they self-hating contrarians? And what is Jonathan Jones trying to say? Is he self-consciously writing a baffling piece in order to mirror his own confusion, or the difficulty of the Chapmans' project? Or should I just sit down and read it some other time when my head's in a less fractured state?


I understand this, of itself:


But we live in ahistoric, depthless times, not least in art, and it's getting hard to be unimpressed by the sheer dedication of the Chapmans. The artists themselves claim they prefer to be despised as banal anti-humanists than praised piously as humanists. The language of praise we use for art is amazingly limited; if we like a work of art, we feel compelled to find depth, anger, moral fervour, spiritual truth - all the things the Chapmans claim to reject.

I don't understand this:

[In] the past few years they have received massive acclaim, in language they profess to find baffling and hilarious. They made Hell, a tableau in which thousands of toy second world war German soldiers mutilate and kill each other and themselves in a psychotic Nazi orgy, and had it interpreted as a profound comment on the Holocaust and its representations: "The idea of making 5,000 little toy soldiers all running round mutilating each other, and then find pathos in that - it's alarming that people are prepared to cathartically reappropriate these things which are so redundant and void," says Jake. "It took us three years to make 5,000 people. It took the Germans three hours to kill 15,000 Russian prisoners of war."

What are the 'redundant and void' things they are referring to in that sentence? I saw Hell in the Apocalypse exhibition and liked it. I don't think I was sure what it was 'saying' but I guess I saw it in some way as profound. Are their objections, above, really just semantic nitpicking? 'Shallowness' and 'profundity' become just different facets of the same thing when it comes to commenting on art that plays on triviality, no?

Hmm..

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 31st, 2003.

Who are the biggest idealists in this WAR ?
Warmongers:

'We must root out out the cancer of terrorism from the world by hunting down the terrorists and wiping them out. This will work.'


Peaceniks:

'If you stop antagonising Muslims and peddling hypocrisy in your foreign policy then the natural good will show in people and they will all be friends with America.'


Or to put it another way, who is the most gloomy:

WM:

'Yeah cutting off the hydra's head might make another 100 in its place. If it does we'll chop them off too. We're in this for the long haul. You don't know how much more unsafe the world would be right now if the US hadn't been pursuing its 'nasty' foreign policies since WWII'

PN:

'You're always going to get people causing trouble in the world. We'll never have peace but you just make things worse by responding to provocation.'

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), April 1st, 2003.

Cyberterrorism has begun
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/2906503.stm

How seriously do you take this threat? Do you think someone could actually launch an attack potent enough to really hurt a country's economy? Or is it all scaremongering?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), April 2nd, 2003.

Use other targets please
The idea of this dreadfully hipsterish thread is to act like a list of tips for those who might wonder why other people keep making their excuses and leaving them at parties.

It is very, very tired and boring to make 'oh aren't they awful' cracks about the following people:

Mick Hucknall
Jeremy Beadle
Celine Dion
Whoever the latest 'manufactured' pop star is

Actually with the first three it's not quite boring, it's just bizarre because it's so old.


It is pretty tired and boring to do the same with:

Coldplay
George Bush (though there is some room for originality here)
Travis
The Stereophonics

Which other targets make you embarrassed for the critic?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), April 3rd, 2003.

And I would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for you pesky duplicate people
So the LA Times has fired a photographer who filed a digitally composite photo.

Is this fair enough? Do we have to be pretty strict with this kind of thing in order to uphold the standards of photojournalism?

I wonder if it's done quite often, but usually with more care. Not for sinister manipulation of the truth, just for a better composed photo. At the Guardian at least, you weren't even allowed to flip images over. Though this happened quite a lot, by mistake.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), April 5th, 2003.

We really don't care about theatre do we?
People hardly ever talk about theatre on ILE. There isn't even a Culture:Theatre category. Is this a sign that it really is an art form whose relevance is dying? Or just that it's intriniscally hard to talk about on a global forum like this, performances being site and time specific?

Do you go much / at all?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), April 6th, 2003.

Google People is my NU-GOD
Hillary Rodham Clinton is a great answer.

Who stole the soul?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), May 7th, 2003.

Pretty webcams
Outdoors ones, on roofs and stuff. Not dorm rooms.

Can you recommend any?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), May 10th, 2003.

Non-lame crapola pearls of hippy dippy wisdom?
That Beatles line 'In the end the love you take is equal to the love you make' resonates more and more with me as I get older. Not that I have collected much more evidence for its veracity. Maybe as an approach to life it's something of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Anyway yeah, peace.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), May 11th, 2003.

From toe the line job to no job
First Clare Short says she'll resign if UK forces invade Iraq without a second UN resolution. Then she doesn't and says Blair has persuaded her that he and Bush are doing the right thing, and that she has decided her work as overseas development minister is too important to give up. Now she really is resigning and says that he misled her about the role the UN would play in a post-war Iraq.

All the aid agencies have made a point of saying how sorry they are to see her go, praising her success in raising the profile of overseas development and her commitment to the job.

The press crucified her when she failed to follow through on her threat to resign. Perhaps she'll be ridiculed again tomorrow. The general opinion was - if you can't make your mind up, vacillate on party loyalty, and you show your equivocation in public, then you are a bad politician.

Is this what you think? Or do you find that her weaknesses render her a welcome human face among a morass of inscrutable career politicians who keep their hand-wringing, compromises and Faustian pacts to themselves?

Perhaps there's a gender issue. When Estelle Morris resigned as education secretary, apologising for what she saw as her failure in the job, there was a lot of 'a man would never have done that' talk.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), May 12th, 2003.

Books with insidious, personality-altering powers
From the Magus thread:

my ex was obsessed with "the magus" and it informed his behaviour throughout his 20's in all kinds of negative ways.

I am interested in literature that has this kind of effect on people (not necessarily negative). I have an idea that Ayn Rand does this to some impressionable youths,though I have never read her myself.

Any examples from personal experience?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), May 13th, 2003.

Is Tottenham the only affordable place left to buy in Zones 1-3?
For a first time buyer on about £20K a year with about 10K as deposit. Is it even affordable?

I'm not planning to buy, or anything.

I suspect there may be places in SE London, actually.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), May 13th, 2003.

The coming moths
What have you got planned?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), May 13th, 2003.

Do you slag off your exes?
I don't mean if they treated you cruelly, abused you, were unfaithful, left you for your best friend etc.

I mean if they didn't do anything particularly bad to you.

Whenever I hear people say "God, I had this ex who was such a moron/asshole", and then quote some horrific/hilarious example of their behaviour I always wonder why they went out with them in the first place. I guess if they fell blindly in love with them then that's different, but half the time they just seem to be talking about a casual relationship.

Is it because their tastes have changed so radically, or do these people just go out with anyone who asks them?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), May 15th, 2003.

Asparagus appointment
It's asparagus season and the other day I decided to buy some. As the Guardian Weekend suggested, I laughed in the face of steaming and boiling them and instead coated them in olive oil and put them on a baking tray in a hot (over 200C) oven for 15 minutes. THEY WERE SO NUM. I was just freaking out. The crunchy brown tips quite literally melted in my mouth.

Today asparagus came in at #3 on the top sex foods show on TV. I didn't have sex with anyone, though.

Please, all do this.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), May 16th, 2003.

Pretty CD-R cases
These are cute, but they are quite expensive, when one adds on the international shipping charges. I might get some anyway. Do any other companies make such things?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), May 22nd, 2003.

FEDERICO MUST GO
Because the other thread was too general and lacked passion.

This is Federico Martone's Friends Reunited entry (it was added last year so I don't think it's someone faking it):


In all it's entirety an overview of my own experiences since my insertion into the civillian landscape would not only render any reader unfairly incomprable, moreover the banality in which you contrive to exist in your futile landscape implicates to one's own that indeed i must strive to march forth with my own avant garde approach to life. In Synopsis, I have came... I have saw... and I have conquered each and every new frontier in which I have had the will to integrate then later excell into. My friends, if only you could see what these eyes have seen. If only you could taste what these very lips have caressed and if only i could share with each and everyone of you all the fruits of my human emotions. I wish for you all the justifacation of your own endeavour........
08/07/2002 18:43:17 

(http://www.friendsreunited.co.uk/friendsreunited.asp?wci=MemberNotes&member_key=3633302)

I presume he is taking the piss with this. Perhaps it is actually genius?

But no, Anouska must stay because you can't get rid of the loud kid straight away and she wears no bra. Scott must stay because he is great. And Jon must stay because he is a queer fish.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), May 25th, 2003.

Fucking jokes
I can't think of any jokes involving sex that are funny. I remember the Airplane/Naked Gun producer guy saying that he never had nudity in his films cause you can't be turned on (as a voyeur anyway) and be laughing at the same time. Whenever I need to stop laughing, I think some cheap erotic thoughts. This is the only tip for living I have ever invented.

I mean can you think of any actually funny (not just gross out) sexually explicit jokes ?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), June 2nd, 2003.

The

N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

"did harold from Neighbors ever record a single" ?

mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

The other day
When was this?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), June 9th, 2003.

JON MUST GO
His time has now come. I don't think he's being very entertaining anymore and the 'Jon is so dull it's great' thing is boring now it's been adopted by Chris Moyles and Graham Norton.

Jon must go.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), June 10th, 2003.

"No, but I'd have been entitled to have been upset"
Someone is telling you that you have annoyed or upset them and you think they're being unfair, and in your defence you cite something that they did or failed to do, and which you never complained about, and they say "Well did it upset you?", and you say the above.

What do you think? Do people who have higher annoyance thresholds get shafted?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), June 10th, 2003.

Who is the most attractive woman in BB4?
I was shocked at the appeal for Justine that a sometime ILXer made tonight. To me:

6. Justine
5. Trania
4. Steph
3. Anoushka
1= Sissy
1= Nush

But I think this series is more controversial in this regard than any other. These rankings would probably be different if I only had vision to go on.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), June 14th, 2003.

RAY MUST GO
And he has

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), June 15th, 2003.

21
Why was this when one 'came of age'? Anyone know the origin of it?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), June 17th, 2003.

Dear darling, I love what you've done with your website
How lovely is to come across a website that is beautifully designed *and* has great things on it.

365 Days is such a thing. Perhaps you all know about it already. Every day, a MP3 is posted of a super-obscure novelty or miscellany record and a loving description of it and how the 'curator' came to know it.

I found it via the equally pretty treasure trove scrubbles.net.

Can you recommend anything as good to me?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), June 19th, 2003.

What records/books/life choices and other things are you grateful to ILX for?
This has probably been asked before in some form, but I've no idea how I'd find it.

So, we don't always get around to thanking people for pointing people in the direction of things we ended up loving.

Here's your chance to reiterate great recommendations, even if you can't remember who to thank.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), June 19th, 2003.

Women who prefer male friends
Why is this? Sisters!

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), June 19th, 2003.

How long should underpants last?
Dear ILE,

The day before yesterday, I threw out a pair of boxer shorts because they tore. Thinking about it, I have had them since at lest 1996, and they were part of my regular 10 day or so cycle.

I've also got some silk ones that I've had since about 1988, but I don't wear them very often.

Am I normal?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), June 20th, 2003.

The cows that agriculture won't allow
What are these?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), June 24th, 2003.

This grammarian has foxed me
Frank Welsh's comments (Letters, June 21) on the poor quality of English in the Harry Potter books is borne out by the second sentence of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: "...the use of hosepipes had been banned due to drought."

JK Rowling may not know that "due" when used as an adverb means "exactly", not "owing to", but her editors at Bloomsbury should.

Neil Clark
Birmingham

from http://www.guardian.co.uk/letters/story/0,3604,982935,00.html


I thought I understood the traditionally held distinction between 'due to' and 'owing to' but this smartarsed letter has confused me further. I thought JKR's usage was fine, because the 'due to' is referring to a nounal phrase (ie. 'the use of hosepipes'). Whereas "We weren't allowed to use hosepipes, due to drought" would be wrong. Collins says the whole thing is an anachronism anyway, but I can't follow Mr Clark's rules.

And anyway "Frank Welsh's comments [...] is borne out by'? WTF?

Can anyone explain?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), June 24th, 2003.

Do all romantics meet the same fate someday?
What is romance anyway?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 1st, 2003.

You know [x] when [y]
Complete the sentence in wise or diverting ways.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 3rd, 2003.

The problem with art is that it's all made by artists
Books by writers, especially. But also paintings by painters, music by musicians etc.

Do you think there's anything in this? Does being an artist intrinsically entail something that renders art an incomplete portrait of the human condition (because they don't understand the lives of non-artists)?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 8th, 2003.

Jerry Springer for president?
This senate campaign really seems to have got going. I genuinely think he'd be a good president.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 12th, 2003.

Unfairly lambasted
To whom or what does this apply?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 15th, 2003.

Alexander Walker RIP
News story

He was a bit nuts but hey.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 15th, 2003.

"We're just ordinary folk" - Classic or Dud?
As expressed by Billy Liar 's mother in the letter that Billy never sends to the housewives' choice radio request show.

Is labelling oneself 'ordinary' a healthy sign that you one is at peace with life and not an egomaniac, or is it a miserable prostration to the status quo, to the idea that people should know their place? Does it make a difference if it's one's family or just oneself that one is talking about? Does it make a difference what class you come from?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 16th, 2003.

When I was 18 I learned that the 't' in 'often' is silent
Of course, with all these things, it reaches a point where dictionaries decide the wrong pronunciation or usage is an acceptable alternative. I'm not talking about regional variation - with words like 'often' and 'dour', it's just happened 'cause people have extrapolated a new pronounciation from the spelling.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 19th, 2003.

If you were the oppostite sex oh what would you do?
I would wear such pretty clothes. Most girls don't make the best of themselves.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 22nd, 2003.

We also need a small plastic snake and a big toy frog for the kids
I am at work and without a sound card but I like the look of the Speech Accent Archive.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 23rd, 2003.

Is there anything that it is impossible to do horribly?
I mean, of course it's possible to do anything horribly.

-- Larcole (nicolew1...), July 23rd, 2003 6:38 PM.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 23rd, 2003.

The most upfront sexual proposition you have ever made/received to/from someone you've just met
I sometimes wonder how I would react if someone attractive came up to me and said 'I want to fuck you'. Badly, probably. I think there was a survey on this.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 23rd, 2003.

Do you believe in the grading of humans?
Are there 'low quality' and 'high quality' people or is it just a matter of taste?

Is it a shame that 'good person' and 'bad person' refer only to morality?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 27th, 2003.

Why we drink
This completely fails as a suitable manifesto.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 28th, 2003.

MY MUSIC VIDEO REVIEWS
GAY BAR

not funny

GOOD CHARLOTTE

funny

CHRISTINE A. & Lil KIM

hott

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 29th, 2003.

Feeder clubs - classic or dud?
Livingston to be feeder club for Old Trafford

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 29th, 2003.

Do you understand or respect what the opposite sex see in your sex?
Or is it all such a laugh?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 30th, 2003.

Etre et avoir
Who else has seen this?

A much needed shot of humanity in this weird life I have built for myself.

Buried childhood memories came trickling back.

I spent my first two years of primary school in a village school in deepest mid-Wales with only 20 or so pupils. Then I went back to London. Does anyone else have part-rural, part-urban roots?

That short interview in the middle with the teacher is one of the most powerful things I've ever seen.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), July 31st, 2003.

Men arguing about which one of them is sexiest - C/D?
I don't think I have ever experienced this but I think it would be classic.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), August 4th, 2003.

Is this board affecting your performance in bed?
For better or worse.

"Oh Bravo!" (I love the phrase 'performance in bed')

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), August 14th, 2003.

So why do people fancy you?
If you have any idea.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), August 19th, 2003.

Don't Play That Song For Me!
A question for married people and others in long term relationships.

Has the way you have listened to love songs changed since you stopped being single? If you are/were a romantic who got carried away with the sentiments expressed in love songs, that is. I mean it's fine to go on identifying with songs that are straightforwardly about being in love with someone, but most love songs aren't like that. They're specifically about young, single (in the old-fashioned 'unmarried' sense) people longing for love, about new lovers, unrequited loves, heartbreak, and coping or not coping with lost love.

Do you continue listening but in a more detached way? Or do you still get carried away and feel guilty or confused about the strength of the emotional pull? Is romantic escapism harmless or a sign that one is dissatisfied with one's situation? What does your partner think about it all?

Or do you just listen to electroclash these days?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), August 26th, 2003.

Do you know any hermits?
Or recluses. Or trappist monks?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), September 4th, 2003.

What are your hobbies? Japanese Psychiatric artwork, mainly
The web is a wonderful thing.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), September 6th, 2003.

New video footage surfaces of the WTC being hit
Eerie mix of the everyday and the epoch-making.

http://www.nytimes.com/2003/09/07/nyregion/07TAPE.html

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), September 7th, 2003.

TV quiz loser kills himself

THE MIRROR 8th September 2003

TV QUIZ LOSER KILLS HIMSELF
TEST THE NATION HUBBY'S SUICIDE AFTER LOSING TO WIFE

A FAN of telly quiz Test the Nation killed himself - after his wife got a better score than him.

Brannon Brockbank, 30, took a lethal cocktail of vodka and painkillers in the wake of a bitter row with wife Shirley.

He was angry because she had outplayed him during the Anne Robinson-fronted show, which lets viewers test their intellect.

Yesterday, devastated Shirley said: "He was cross because he got a lower score than me, and threw his note pad and pen across the room.

"He said he was thick, but I told him that people were clever in different ways."

She found Brannon dead on the floor next morning.

(Slightly more senstive than The Star's report.)

What a terrible tale. Will they now please ban this sick stunt?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), September 8th, 2003.

"Why you guys try and sound all smart and smug all the time???"
Asks push up.

Well why do you? OK, forget the smug part, as I assume you don't try to do that.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), September 9th, 2003.

Patriot Day
Is this really going to catch on as a name? Please tell me not.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), September 11th, 2003.

In what ways is one better when young than old?
Apart from tending to look better and being in better health.

The more I think about it, the more I can't think of anything and am veering towards the 'youth is wasted on the young' thing.

Like, people talk of the fearlessness of youth, but that only seem to apply to some people.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), September 12th, 2003.

Robert De Niro's career
In his 1994 edition of his biographical dictionary of film, David Thomson says of him

"Now fifty, he begins to seem increasingly difficult to cast, or satisfy"

Has anything changed? What would you cast him in?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), September 12th, 2003.

Ted L. Nancy and the limits of eccentricity tolerance
The Guardian today prints some of Ted L. Nancy's letters, to be published as 'Letters from a Nut' by Ebury Press in the UK next week.

The online edition just has Jerry Seinfeld's text, because the letters appear in fascimile and the Guardian website doesn't tend to post accompanying graphical material. No mention in it of the widespread suspicion that Nancy is in fact Seinfeld himself. JS says he finds them laugh out loud funny. They are funny, but I am more taken with a more melancholic reading, in which Ted L. Nancy's project acts as the good-humoured attempt of an everyman-who-doesn't-understand-the-world (is there a word for this?) to empirically clarify the rules of our society. As an earlier piece in the Guardian puts it:

Would it be all right if he dressed as a giant shrimp while gambling at the blackjack tables of the Flamingo Hilton Inn in Las Vegas, for example? (The answer was no, by the way: "We feel that because of the high level of activity created by the outfit, it might be too distractive.") Could he travel on a Greyhound bus dressed as a slab of butter, for professional reasons? (Yes.) Or on a Hawaiian airline dressed as a rotting radish? (No, although judging by recent reports, it is not certain that the security screeners would have noticed.)

They're not all about dressing up in stupid outfits though. I like the ones about personal medical problems more - the chronic BO sufferer's request for a reservation a seafood restaurant met with the most considered of responses ("Accordingly, and although I very much appreciate your consideration of other guests in not wanting to offend them due to your particular condition, your suggestion to seat and serve yourself in our dumpster area is simply not an option.")

I think they will make an excellent coffee table book, anyway.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), September 27th, 2003.

Sensitive people are insensitive bastards
One meaning of sensitive:

Quick to take offence; touchy.

Another:

Susceptible to the attitudes, feelings, or circumstances of others.

The other day I read some woman saying that she avoids getting involved with sensitive men because experience has taught her that they end up hurting one the most. I assumed that by 'sensitive' she meant something close to the first definition above, perhaps laced with a layer of 'misunderstood', 'arty' or 'tortured'.

It's funny how often the word 'sensitive' is used in connection with someone without it being clear whether it's that person's sensitivity to external stimulus that is being referred to or their sensitivity to the feelings of others.

Is this because people positively correlate the two? If so, isn't that kind of odd, flying in the face of the competing archetype of say, the artist who puts his lover through hell?


-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), October 6th, 2003.

Is drug dealing an acceptable play and learn activity?
Lanarkshire kids caught playing playground drug dealing game

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), October 8th, 2003.

What jobs did/do your grandparents do?
My mum's dad was a GP (doctor) in the Warwickshire and my paternal grandfather had an optician's practice in Bombay. Both my grandmothers were housewives, though my mum's mother also did some clerical jobs once. I've never asked my dad whether his mother ever had a job outside the home. I suspect not.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), October 14th, 2003.

Sometimes I like to imagine ILE is just a food forum
Cuisine

Imagine if that was all there was to ILE. Looking at it makes me feel a bit nauseous.

Try it with other categories.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), October 14th, 2003.

Or: political mobility

Statistics show us that politics tend to run in families.

My dad, after joining ever party's society when he arrived at university (I think he thought it would be fun), got politicised by a friend and thereafter became a Bennite Labour supporter, a position he still holds.

My mum is not very interested in party politics but is passionate about certain issues, such as countryside protection. I think she's voted for just about every party going at various times (poss. not Conservative). Most often for the Liberal Democrats and the Greens, I believe, though she seemed to be quite enamoured with Sir James Goldsmith's Referendum Party video at one point.

Me? Well Labour, Green, Liberal Democrat and SNP, at various times. So I suppose my voting patterns are more similar to my mum's, despite my general leftist allegiance with my dad.

Obviously, as far as I am able to make out, I have come to my own political views. It doesn't make any sense for me to try to disentangle what the inheritance of my upbringing is. Does it for anyone? Can even those who've had an uneasy time with their parents and have different political beliefs state with certainty the direction of any cause and effect relationships that have gone on?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), October 15th, 2003.

Sales poor for no-nudity Graduate
Actress Glynis Barber's decision not to appear naked in a stage production of The Graduate appeared to have hit sales for its debut at an Essex theatre

Is this the nail in the coffin for celebrity theatre nudity? Or non-nudity?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), October 15th, 2003.

What did you think of Portillo as a single mother?
When it started, i thought ho hum this is a bit formulaic, but it ended up being interesting and moving. Not so much from what Portillo did or said (kind of predictable - I already believe in his transformation and think he's OK and wish he was Tory leader so that the bigots would get trampled on and Labour would have a proper opposition). More from the way the mother Jenny and the kids' dealt with it. I loved the way she sat there intently watching, polite but determined not to let him get an easy ride. And that she had the guts to say it to his face. The defensive love for her kids that shone through her gritted teeth, esp. during the reading scene made my heart ache. And I was glad that the director allowed the kids to deflate any pat resolution to the project by showing them not saying goodbye properly as the final scene.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), October 15th, 2003.

Does seeing the funny side of things help at all?
People often say that the English are very cold fish, very reserved, that they have a way of looking at things - even tragedy - with a sense of irony. There's some truth in it; it's pretty stupid of them, though. Humour doesn't save you, it doesn't really do anything at all. You can look at life ironically for years, maybe decades, there are people who seem to go through most of their lives seeing the funny side, but in the end, life always breaks your heart.

(from 'Atomised')

Someone kindly reminded me of this passage here

There's no way I'm going to cave into this crazy Frenchman's doomy nonsense, but I quite like the way he puts it anyway. I guess faith in a sense of humour is one of the cornerstones of my way of dealing with life. I don't know if it 'helps' or not, but until someone convinces me that it actually makes things worse then I think I'll stick with it.

Is is ever time to be humourless?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), October 21st, 2003.

I am listening to the Pooh Sticks!
I don't know why I'm telling you this.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), October 25th, 2003.

40s/50s classic print of GIRL PLAYING WITH BALL (help me find)
Someone just asked me to track down the name/artist of a classic, much reproduced painting of a girl on her doorstep playing with a blue or red bouncy ball.

I am rubbish at the sort of thing and don't have any memory of the picture myself. She says it's Tretchikoff era but not especially in the same style.

V. grateful if you can help, even by remembering more details of the way the picture looks.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), November 8th, 2003.

[picture thread] Your hair frames a perfect face
Please describe or post pictures of hair framing a perfect face.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), November 14th, 2003.

'The Woman In Red' or 'Blame It On Rio' : take sides
I have a sudden hankering to watch both these films again.

'Blame It On Rio', at a push.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), November 14th, 2003.

Are you a rogue? Do you like rogues? Rogue question.
The concept of a rogue has got fuzzier, I think.

Our English teacher made us read Rogue Male , which was an adventure story, not a sociobiological tract.

I like the word 'rogue'.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), November 18th, 2003.

Would London be a better place if they'd never got rid of the tramps?
When I was little there used to be tramps and they would wear suit, hats and suchlike.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), November 18th, 2003.

Quick poll: pronounce me Kraftwerk
Last night I was laughed at for suggesting that some British people insist on pronouncing Kraftwerk 'Kraftverk'. Not so long ago I was laughed at for suggesting that most people (inc. myself) anglicise it to an ordinary w sound.

What do you say?

What are your rules for saying words like the locals or not? Do you pronounce Paris with a silent s?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), December 2nd, 2003.

World Cup 2006 qualifying draw
I love this OD of tournament draws one gets around this time.

Friday's pots:

Pot one
1 France
2 Portugal
3 Sweden
4 Czech Republic
5 Spain
6 England
7 Italy
8 Turkey

Pot two
9 Holland
10 Poland
11 Croatia
12 Belgium
13 Russia
14 Denmark
15 Republic of Ireland
16 Bulgaria or
Slovenia

Pot three
17 Bulgaria or Slovenia
18 Romania
19 Scotland
20 Serbia and Montenegro
21 Switzerland
22 Greece
23 Ukraine, Slovakia or Austria
24 Ukraine, Slovakia or Austria

Pot four
25 Ukraine, Slovakia or Austria
26 Iceland
27 Finland
28 Norway
29 Israel
30 Bosnia Herzegovina
31 Latvia
32 Wales

Pot five
33 Hungary
34 Georgia
35 Belarus
36 Estonia
37 Cyprus
38 Northern Ireland
39 Lithuania
40 Macedonia

Pot six
41 Albania
42 Moldova
43 Armenia
44 Liechtenstein
45 San Marino
46 Azerbaijan
47 Faroe Islands
48 Malta
49 Luxembourg
50 Andorra
51 Kazakhstan

There will be five groups of six teams, and three groups of seven. Germany qualify automatically as hosts.

POTENTIAL GROUP OF DEATH:

England
Holland
Serbia & Montenegro
Norway
Hungary
Albania

Actually I'm a bit out of touch with who's good in Central and Eastern Europe. Maybe someone else in pot 3 is better than Serbia.

Are Norway really that crap these days that they are grouped in fourth pot? They were ranked in FIFA's top 5 not so long ago, I seem to recall.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), December 2nd, 2003.

Making positive generalisations about people in other cultures/races - classic or dud?
"We went on holiday to India and found the people so friendly"

"Parisian women are so well dressed"

"B&Q find that old people make very trustworthy workers"

Are all these things OK to say if making any negative generalisations about the same groups is frowned upon (except with the French I guess - everyone is rude about the French, yes yes I know there is a serious point about racism only being meaningful if it's directed at a culturally disadvantaged group. ok just forget the Parisian women example)?

Isn't it a bit of a nonsense to give any creedence to positive generalisations if negative ones are automatically dismissed?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), December 8th, 2003.

Men prefer cuddles to sex: survey
In a striking challenge to the all American male and conventional wisdom, holding hands and cuddling are rated more highly than sex by the average American guy, a new survey claimed.

Is this really so surprising?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), December 8th, 2003.

The sound a family car horn makes
My family say 'poop' (as in "He pooped his horn at me"). It has come to my attention that we seem to alone in this. Most people seem to use 'beep', which sounds too electronic to me. Maybe my mum and dad are stuck on cars of their childhood, which probably did have real squeezy horns.

My girlfriend says 'bib'.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), December 11th, 2003.

What does 'if not' mean exactly?
From ILM:

Not only was much of your post otm, Ronan, but this effectively explains why the vast majority of my record purchases (if not my overall tastes) are dance!

I never know whether it means 'and perhaps even' or 'though it would probably be going to far to say'. I realise this is a nuance but the two feel very different in my head.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), December 12th, 2003.

Strip poker and other games
I have never played strip poker but I have played Strip Tell-Me and Snog Jenga.

I get the impression that Americans are better at this sort of thing.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), December 16th, 2003.

Fabric Conditioner : Classic or Dud?
I never use it. Partly because I am tight, partly because my mum rarely used it, and partly because I was once told it is made from animal fat.

My clothes always feel OK to me, though I guess a big fat fluffier towel would be nice once in a while.

I presume it doesn't prolong the lenght of one's clothes, as my clothes last forever as long as I don't fall over or tumble dry them.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 9th, 2004.

What is the thinking behind McDonalds interior decor?
I was in there yesterday and it struck me that despite their faltering sales, they have still stuck firm to the bizarre 1980s playroom design principles that have served them for so many years. I'd be hard pushed to think of an interior that less effectively spells 'mmm.. food!'. Maybe it's meant to get people out of there fast.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 14th, 2004.

How good-looking are pop stars and film stars?
When people say such and such celeb isn't very good looking, would they say the same if they met them in everyday life? Or is the bar higher for celebrities, cause hey, they're the pinnacle of the species? Or would loads of people you know or see in the street be classed as 'renowned beauties' if they were on screen and had beauticians and stylists on hand to bring out the best in them? I veer towards the latter. As I may have mentioned before, I went to school with Jude Law. He looked basically the same as he does now, just younger, and yeah he was considered good-looking, but it wasn't like everyone was fainting and not able to understand what this god was doing in our everyday lives.

I know that the pinefox thinks all the ladies on telly are beautiful.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 15th, 2004.

Taking sides: People who said "I love just about every film with Bill Murray in it" five years ago vs. people who say it now
Sofia Coppola said this in some 'Lost in Translation' interview recently and my immediate response was "What a boring old hat hipster thing to say" and it kind of confirmed by opinion of her as an 'all the right tastes' kind of person whose art is not to be trusted. But then the 'old hat' thing got me thinking about the whole trajectory of cool thing, and whether it was better to position oneself at the cutting edge, moving on before one's choices are stale enough for people to start to caricature them as 'hipster choices'. Or just to stick to one's guns and not get bored with things just because one is frightened of being thought to be following a slow hipster (ie. not genuinely cool) rulebook.

I'm not really talking about nice people who might pick up on something 'late' but who aren't trying to be cool anyway - they're just not cutting edge and find things late. I like those people, and to me they share more in common with the early adopters than they do with the mass of supposed (middlebrow?) hipsters.

Bill Murray appreciation probably wasn't a very good example to start this with.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 22nd, 2004.

Is this anti-semitism?
I saw this headline and expected to read on and be saddened by the knock-on effects of recent anti-American and anti-Israeli feeling. But on examining it, I don't think I think much of the questions in the survey, or rather the interpretation being put on them.

Nearly 18% said Judaism was “intolerant” and 17% did not consider Jews compatriots. . Sure, that's anti-semitism pure and simple.

Asked if Jews in their countries had a “mentality and lifestyle” different than other citizens, 46% said yes.

Is this? Not all Jewish people, no. But if they choose to participate in Jewish culture, then yeah, why not? I'd say the same about any cultural group, including those that I belong to. Nothing wrong with difference, or acknowledging it. I thought that was what a multi-cultural society was about,

I'm not even sure the money question is a surefire way of exposing bigotry. So what if a culture is associated with professions like banking and so on? My Parsee ancestors held a similar position in India. Big deal.

Anti-Semitic Europe signalled by survey

Nearly half of those asked in a poll on anti-Semitism in Europe yesterday said Jews in their nations were different, and more than one-third said Jews should stop “playing the victim” for the Holocaust.
The poll by the Ipso research institute was conducted in nine countries, including Britain.
The poll, released on the eve of a Holocaust memorial day in many European countries, came after Jewish leaders claimed anti-Semitism was rising across the continent.
Asked if Jews in their countries had a “mentality and lifestyle” different than other citizens, 46% said yes.
About 40.5% said Jews in their country had “a particular relationship with money” and 35.7% said Jews “should stop playing the victim for the Holocaust and the persecutions of 50 years ago”.
Nearly 18% said Judaism was “intolerant” and 17% did not consider Jews compatriots.
“Obviously the virus of anti-Semitism is far more resilient and determined than we might have thought in the past,” said Rabbi David Rosen of the American Jewish Committee.
“What’s more amazing than the percentage of people who hold those opinions is the percentage of people willing to express them,” he added.
France refuted Israeli charges of rising anti-Semitism, saying attacks on Jews and Jewish property had dropped by 36% last year rather than doubled, as Israel’s minister for diaspora affairs has asserted.
The Interior Ministry reacted a day after Natan Sharansky said 47% of all anti-Semitic attacks in Europe last year occurred in France.–AP

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 27th, 2004.

Chocolate breasts
A folly?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), January 29th, 2004.

Rhetoriticans think they're running this show
How did something go from a noble plank of the Greek core curriculum to being something that seems to just act to obscure the truth and hinder peace and understanding?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 4th, 2004.

Mutualism
I do not understand what mutualism is, but this curious British blog seems to be about it. It seems to go blebela organisational mediation marketing sociological Mastercard DAVID BECKHAM.

Can anyone fathom it?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 5th, 2004.

Women's deportment, OK men's too
It's only recently that I've really started consciously noticing the vastly different ways that women walk. Maybe it's because my desk faces an office thoroughfare. It makes such a difference to the way one perceives them.

There seem to be four main types:

1. Shufflers
2. Galumphers
3. Thrusting-tits marchers
4. Graceful gliders

Sometimes when I walk I remember a trick a chiropodist once told me - to imagine that one is suspended from a single string (pushes pelvis forward and shoulders back).

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 10th, 2004.

Which English town or city is most poorly represented on the football pitch?
I suppose in the light of recent events, maybe Exeter (pop: c.100000) comes off pretty poorly. The whole of the SW is a bit underrepresented. Gloucester. Does Gloucester even have a football team?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 10th, 2004.

After death us did part

11 Feb 2004 10:51:07 GMT
French woman marries dead man
------------------------------------------------------------------------
NICE, France, Feb 11 (Reuters) - A 35-year-old French woman has married her boyfriend 18 months after he was killed in a car accident.

Christel Demichel, who wore black, was married on Tuesday under a little-used law in the presence of friends and relatives at city hall in the southern city of Nice, local officials said. It would have been her husband Eric's 30th birthday.

"Eric and I promised when he was alive that we would get married," she told French television. "Even though he is dead, I respect the values I shared with him, especially as his death was not his fault."

Eric Demichel, a policeman, was killed in a hit-and-run car accident in September 2002. Christel, who was pregnant at the time, lost her baby in the same accident.

"I lived a beautiful love story and this wedding testifies to it," Demichel said.

Posthumous marriage is allowed in France under a law introduced by former President Charles de Gaulle.

I think it's nice. Good old de Gaulle.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 11th, 2004.

Peculiar little bits of wisdom that you heard once and stuck with you..
.. so firmly that they became unquestioned life rules until one day you turn around, get all conscious of it and think "Hang on - why am I still adhering to this - perhaps it's time to shake things up a little and break free of what a wizened old man muttered to me in a café in 1988."

I have dozens of these, though they are so ingrained that it might take a while for me to flush them all out.

For starters : At school, Geraldine said that men wearing jeans without a belt was yeach. Since then, I've always worn a belt.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 16th, 2004.

Want to find a book related to any webpage?
A beta service at waypath.com allows you to enter a URL and it uses a subset of Amazon's database to provide books on the same theme.

ILE New Answers currently provides:

  
    The Arthritis Solution for Dogs: Natural and Conventional Therapies to Ease Pain and Enhance Your Dog's Quality of Life (The Natural Vet Series)
    
      ... When your dog is limping or in pain, you need answers. ... If the problem is arthritis, a common condition in adult dogs, The Arthritis Solution for Dogs can help you provide the best care possible for your beloved companion. ... Inside, you'll discover: Acupuncture's role in providing pain relief Information about nutritional supplements such as chondroitin and glucosamine Diet and nutrition tips for dogs of all ages The benefits of magnets as a safe therapy The pros and cons of common conventional therapies And more!" ... An ...
      Click for more product details from Amazon.com    
  
    ABC Practical Guide to Dog Training
    
      ... With the proliferation of titles in the market today, why another book on pet dog training? ... And the dogs being trained often develop problems as a result. ... Frustrated pet owners are looking for practical, humane answers -- that provide results. ... The experienced approach contained in The ABC Practical Training Guide has proven itself with over 40,000 dog owners across the United States and Canada who have found their answers "as simple as ABC."
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  Powered by Waypath Related Stuff

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 18th, 2004.

Taking sides: Children vs. (non-human) animals
There is a heated debate on 5 Live. Actually it's children vs. pets, but I think that's less interesting.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 18th, 2004.

Ways in which computers don't seem to be getting any better.
The thing that puzzles me most is why startup times don't seem to be any quicker than they ever were. Is there a reason for this? Would they boot really quickly if I was using a modern setup up with a really old operating system? Even if they would, it still seems like they could work at improving this. At home I usually just send my mac to sleep, which obviously solves things, but I can't do that at work and anyway, every so often you need to restart properly.

Anyone have any thoughts on that, or other things that annoy you?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 20th, 2004.

Are you glad that the world is organised into nation states and how might a different paradigm work?
I guess I don't want it to be like this anymore.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 20th, 2004.

Winging it
I was amused by this story in the Telegraph, in which a British engineering undergraduate mistakenly received an invitation to give a series of economics lectures in Beijing, all expenses paid, and thought he might as well bluff his way through and get a free holiday. It all went a bit wrong, and reminded me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry and George take the unclaimed limo at the airport.

Have you ever blagged your way through something like this?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 20th, 2004.

Why can't premiership clubs keep clean sheets anymore?
I have given up trying to get any points from fantasy football defenders. Is this related to the national team's defensive fraility? What is wrong with our national psyche?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 21st, 2004.

Kirsten Dunst to Michel Gondry on nudity
I'm paraphrasing, cause I don't have the DVD booklet to hand, but Gondry reports how she said something like '"Sorry Michel, but the only person I'll go nude for is Almodovar". Which made Michel Gondry feel really embarrassed and seedy, because he hadn't even really asked her to.

Saying "I'll only go nude for such and such a director" - classic or dud?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 25th, 2004.

Going native - classic or dud?
You are all kuntz.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), February 29th, 2004.

Were the UK rock kids listening to dance music before the US rock kids?
I kind of assume they were. But maybe I'm wrong. I always of American rock kids discovering 'electronica' and rave with 'Fat Of The Land' or whatever about 10 years after the same happened here. Of course, you still get some people over here proclaiming that dance music is the work of the devil. I'm talking statistical trends.

I guess it was that line I was the first guy playing Daft Punk to the rock kids / I played it at CBGBs / Everybody thought it was crazy that got me thinking about it again. I mean Daft Punk - that's ridiculously late. Or is it just a misjudged lyric?


-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 3rd, 2004.

Killing people (only 2% of WWII infantrymen found themselves able to shoot to kill the enemy)
Did anyone else see the first part of this C4 documentary last night?

I was kind of surprised that I'd never come across this research before (being a psychology graduate and all).

I was expecting the 1% of population being sociopathic thing to be brought up before too long, but I was intrigued and a bit dubious of the concept of the 'empathetic killer heroes' that made up the other 1%.

Next week they're focussing on how the SAS or whoever manage to get their figure up from 2% to 95%. I guess it's mainly a selection thing.

Anyway, it's kind of nice that it's bloody rare to be able to look another human in the eye and kill them, but it's kind of sad that modern weapons makes it so easy to get around this.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 9th, 2004.

If I were to expand this CDR into a C90, what tracks would you recommend?

Artist Name
Hairy DiamondGivin' Up
TweetBoogie 2Nite
Pino D'AngiòMa Quale Idea
ChicDance, Dance, Dance (Yowsah, Yowsah, Yowsah) (Pal Joey remix)
The RaptureSister Saviour (DFA Vocal remix)
ToyaI Do
Missy ElliottI'm Really Hot
QuarksI Walk (Superpitcher Schaffel mix)
MonifahTouch It (Dirty Version)
Kid LocoShe Woolf Daydreaming
Ja RuleX (feat. Missy Elliott and Tweet)
Gabor SzaboKeep Smilin'
RhiannaWord Love (4 Hero remix)
Saint EtienneMr. Donut
Junior BoysLast Exit (Fennesz remix)
LadytronDiscotraxx


And where, if you can?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 9th, 2004.

1976 the happiest year of all time : proven by Science
1976 was the best year of our lives

Science is here represented by some lefty economic think tank.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 16th, 2004.

Text that is written on things
http://textonthings.blogspot.com/

Interesting conceptual art on the internet.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 20th, 2004.

Can you envisage a time when ageist jokes are as unacceptable as racist jokes?
I find it hard to, I guess 'cause everyone grows old.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 23rd, 2004.

What Was Wrong With the 90s?
Copying a thread from ILM because I wanted to recast it as a more general question, and also not one answered by a list.

Were they safer than the 80s, and thus more boring, culturally? Too tasteful? Did post-modernism finally permeate mass culture, with tedious results? Did everything dumb down?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 24th, 2004.

Why don't Americans love to text/txt/sms?
You've all finally got mobile phones, right? People over here are obsessed with texting, even when a voice conversation would actually be cheaper and quicker.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), March 26th, 2004.

youwhore.com & Bill Drummond's other web projects

Reading Bill Drummond's interview with Stewart Home I noticed him plug a website called youwhore.com, where one can sell oneself however one wants. A nic registry lookup revealed it was indeed the work of one William Drummond (with St John's Wood address and phone no. - nice). Unfortunately, few of the services offered are very interesting. It would perhaps be better if everyone took it seriously, or if Bill Drummond wrote them all.

Further prodding revealed its sister website, www.mydeath.net and its parent, www.penkiln-burn.com

And, alarmingly Ronan Fitzgerald's funeral arrangements. But I fear, it is the wrong Ronan.


-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), April 8th, 2004.

How can I stop myself typing two spaces at the end of a sentence?
I don't know when I learned to do this, but it's old hat these days. How can I get out of the habit?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), April 14th, 2004.

The 19th century blog
I never knew of the feuilleton. Did you?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), April 15th, 2004.

Amorality and immorality
It seems that since the 90s (probably earlier), the word 'immoral' has been dropping from use, and that 'amoral' has been taking its place.

Is this because we don't believe anymore in evil as an opposing force to good, deliberately chosen rather than just as the result of an absence of morality?

Or was it just cause people had the idea that 'immoral' was too judgemental a word and that making judgement was like, passé.

Or was it all just the Tarantino violence-as-unabashed-cool thing permeating all other discourse?

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), April 19th, 2004.

John Peel voiceovers on adverts - Help!
Anyone know which current TV advertising campaigns John Peel does the voiceover for. I vaguely have an idea he's doing a bank's or some kind of financial service's.

It's a work-related query.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), April 19th, 2004.

Do people who are broke and married or in other long-term relationships worry about their partner getting sick of it all and running off with someone richer?
I think this might end up being one of my main motivations for ever trying to go for £££. I'm not very good on that score otherwise. I guess it's quite insecure, but these things happen, right? Relative poverty can put a strain on a relationship. Maybe debt, more.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), April 21st, 2004.

The TV series 'Profit', featuring Jim Profit
Sam posting a picture of Lachlan Murdoch has for some reason reminded of this, for some reason.

There was quite a buzz about it at the time. I started watching but didn't really get into it.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), April 22nd, 2004.

Top 100 reasons why it's so hard to get over people sometimes
I'm not going through this now, but just for posterity.

1. So you turn yourself inside out, agree a thousand times that if she doesn't want you then no, she's not right for you, that she's not the person you imagine her to be, that your feelings are faulty, that someone else will be the right one, that it will be better... But then you remember that she's probably going to end up with someone who will fall for pretty much the same things as you fell for, for the things that you're supposed to be denigrating, but that he won't be expected to suffocate those feelings, that in his case they'll be the ones to be trusted, acted upon and cherished. And you're back to square one.

-- N. ( nickdastoor@mailup.net ), April 26th, 2004.

N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:43 (twenty-one years ago)

See?

N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:44 (twenty-one years ago)

N, are you OK?

Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, this one:
STROD FUKNG RULAS MAN U DONT GAT IT!1!11! OMG WTF HA ROKS TEH MOTHER FUKNG HOUS31!!! LOL H3 FUKNG ROXORS IT ROKS IT ROKS IT!!!! WTF

57 7th (calstars), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:47 (twenty-one years ago)

my eyes hurt.

lauren (laurenp), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Ha.

VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 30 April 2004 19:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I remain quite proud of this, even if some of the images don't work anymore.

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Friday, 30 April 2004 20:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry.

N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 1 May 2004 00:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I see what you mean.

cozen (Cozen), Saturday, 1 May 2004 06:54 (twenty-one years ago)

It appears that Nick turned into N. on the 11/12/01, which was much earlier than I remembered.

Ricardo (RickyT), Saturday, 1 May 2004 07:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you people mentally ill?

Question?, Saturday, 1 May 2004 08:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, sorry.

N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 1 May 2004 09:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I do this sometimes. The quality and frequency of my threads has decreased over time. I'm washed up.

jel -- (jel), Saturday, 1 May 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

okay, scratch the quality. It makes me a little sad, I seemed quite a bit different in 2002.

jel -- (jel), Saturday, 1 May 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

five months pass...
Hi.

n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 11 October 2004 17:56 (twenty years ago)

I realize in retrospect that I've started an awful lot of exceptionally ill-conceived, stupid threads.

Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 11 October 2004 18:00 (twenty years ago)

i've realized that about almost every decision i've made so far in my short life.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 11 October 2004 18:14 (twenty years ago)

I've only started 93!

The first one was called Nipple Covers. I'm proud of that one, at least.

Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 11 October 2004 18:24 (twenty years ago)

I've started 45 threads. Most of them seem to relate to personal issues, which I guess isn't a surprise. I have absolutely no recollection of what this thread was about...

Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 11 October 2004 19:00 (twenty years ago)

My ILMs:

Arranging record collection in alpha order: C/D?
i'm lost for words.
identify this somewhat generic c. mid-nineties modern rock song
YYYs' "Our Time" - "Manic Monday" ripoff or homage?
tirelessly promoting/managing local band composed of friends that deep down you know are shit musicians C/D
OPO: Songs about drinking yourself into an early grave
Aberfeldy -- anyone know anything?
whining: work sucks today because
Tell me what bands to go see over the next few weeks or so.
Loud Music Will Eat Your Breath
List songs about jailbait/underage lust/etc!

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 00:44 (twenty years ago)

My ILEs:

Years.
unemployed roomates you financially support by working 50+ hours a week complaining about how 'busy' they are C/D
the Fred Perry shirt: classic or dud
what did you eat today?
Tab: Classic or Dud?
D.C. april 18-25, anyone fancy a pint?
police interrogation/banana forcefeeding wtf.
I have forgotten to do my taxes and I am leaving for D.C. in a couple of hours.
is this comic at all reminiscent of your early 20s?
So, apparently my friend has become some kind of idiotic pro-lifer overnight.
contraceptives - S&D, POX, C/D, etc.
I am schocked and amazed constantly by the degree of stupidity exhibited by my fellow citizens.
what is wrong with this picture
Phil Daniels - Classic or Dud?
Ark of the covenant for sale on Ebay.
phrases/terms the origins of which I do not understand
give me all advice you have about the bass guitar, stat!
sum up your personality with five finishing moves
Hely Shit....Happy Birthday KEN C!!!! (omg wtf)
whine: works sucks today because
Anyone tried this new AOL 9.0 crap?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, martinm!
Anyone ever flown Kuwait Airways?
Lite Brite!
Mailing strange objects: Your weirdest sent out/received?

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 00:47 (twenty years ago)

I am tearing up a little, actually.

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 00:48 (twenty years ago)

A little what?

oops (Oops), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 00:52 (twenty years ago)

Fred 'Rerun' Berry is dead.
God exists ... sometimes.
Truck Loaded With Hot Dogs Catches Fire
US.YESASIA.COM ||| Has anyone bought something from here?
TS ||| Quizno's vs Subway vs Togo's
S/D ||| Thanksgiving Movies.
I LOEV HOCKEY - LETS TASLK ABUOT HOCKEY!!
5 Minutes To Live, 5 Minutes Online ||| C/D? S/D?
DAEREST FATTEY,
T/S ||| covering my guitar in lisa frank stickers - gay / not gay / gay but ironic & cool / gay and ironic but lame ???
how capitalistyuppiescum are we today?
So, apparently my friend has become some kind of idiotic pro-wrestler overnight.
What is the world's hippie-est city?
What ever happened to predictability?
T/S: @d@ml vs. AdamL :')
dumb moves made by people who think they are smart
There's a giant office in my corridor.

why do old people and old users of ILX such bastardos (deangulberry), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 01:39 (twenty years ago)

HAHA:

Lightning Bolt ||| Brian Gibson's Bass
Lightning Bolt ||| Brian Gibson's Balls
Lightning Bolt ||| Brian Gibson's Bass vs. Lightning Bolt ||| Brian Gibson's Balls
T/S: Lightning Bolt ||| Brian Gibson's Bass vs. Lightning Bolt ||| Brian Gibson's Balls
T/S ||| LIGHTNING BOLT VS. TECHNOTRONIC |||| (!!!!!)

why do old people and old users of ILX such bastardos (deangulberry), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 01:43 (twenty years ago)

Murnau's "Sunrise" on DVD, and Fox's perplexing scammola (where young amateurist and young me TANGLE!)
Cinefest
Mister Rogers is dead. Long live Mister Rogers!
What's the best movie theatre in your city/area?
Migraines C/D
Why I Love Purim
Ian Kershaw's Hitler books--C/D?
Clau-Clau-Clau-Claudius! (C/D if you like)
Harvard Man
The bad movies what I have seen lately
Are any of you punk rockers?
Does anyone here play any online games like Everquest or that stuff?
What is the best thing you've ever done?
On the state of children's entertainment
uh-oh
This new masked-men reality show with Monica Lewinsky
Putting peanut M&Ms in the toaster
How do I break into the glamourous international world of new media/digital art?
'50s Super-8 footage of roadside attractions + "Murder Was the Case" = joy
Tony Robbins--Gettin' the Edge


umm... and a shitload more

s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 01:55 (twenty years ago)

I'VE ONLY POSTED A HUNDRED.

sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 02:09 (twenty years ago)

Only 34 on ILE!

Aristocratic New England accents: C/D?
Arch-nemesis!
Dawson's Creek Final Episode (Spoilers Ahoy!)
TS: Egon Schiele vs. Egon Spengler
Cleverly designed corporate logos
What's your favorite kind of apple?
Why do the elderly wear pastels?
Let's talk about Mystic River
When can we have another Chicago FAP?
What Are You Drinking Right Now?
Fake ILX memes
So, my band is releasing our debut EP this weekend...
Slate Movie Club 2003
Japanese Culture in Recent American Films (NY Times article)
The philosophical implications of the word "hello"
Sneezing While Driving: C/D?
"If neither of us is married in 20 years, let's get hitched."
"I'm not talking just about an exposed mammary gland with a pull-tab attached to it"
Jaymc comes to SF Mar. 4-13
Jonathan Richman totally just asked me for a ride home
"Voiceover is the crutch of a poor screenwriter"
What haven't you given back yet?
Wearing headphones without any sound: C/D?
Heroin chic
People who name their pets after literary figures, C/D?
POX FAP!
Referring to solo-artists-who-go-by-pseudonyms-that-don't-indicate-their-solo-status as "they", C/D?
Are people who post picture threads the digital equivalent of prop comics?
Movie titles that begin with present participles
What impersonations can you do?
Defend the Indefensible: Wildlife T-Shirts
Senior Superlatives!
CHILDHOOD POKER FIELD!!
Jaymc in NYC 10/14-10/17

jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 02:35 (twenty years ago)

35 on ILM.

Songs about filmmakers
Nominate campaign songs for U.S. presidential candidates
Song ID: French pop meets emo-lite
SPIN and the "Alternative" Canon
Sasha Frere-Jones and Gerald Marzorati discuss "Hail to the Thief"
Predict Pazz & Jop 2003
Streaming Audio on Band Websites
Ryan Pitchfork crawls out of his indie cave
Shortlist Finalists Announced
TS: "Sister Ray" vs. "Radio On" vs. "Hallogallo" vs. "Jenny Ondioline"
Songs about GAMES
Best use of melodica in a song?
Sasha Frere-Jones on OutKast
15-year-old Jaymc rants about the increasing homogeneity of alt-rock radio
Abstract expressionism : bop :: op art : minimalist composition :: pop art : pop?
The 2003 Slate Music Club
Was 2003 really the year that pop "broke"?
Technical question re: iTunes and track lengths
Dude!
Casey Kasem retires
Why is the UK more obsessed with pop charts than the US?
Album covers redrawn from memory in MS Paint: Part 3!
Swygart, defend that Delgados song that sounds like "To All the Girls I've Loved Before."
Greatest Hits of the Clavinet
RFI: Recent Popular Alt-Rock Song
Avant-Garde Goes Mainstream in the 1980s?
Mpls folx: Have you heard this NPR show "Pop Vultures"?
"I'm not feelin' it."
This is the thread where Jon Williams convinces me to show up early to the Sonic Youth show tonight in order to see Hair Police and Wolf Eyes
RFI: Dance Clubs in Chicago
The iTunes Store Top 100
RFI: Vocal jazz songform
How have you shoehorned your love of music into school assignments?
Song ID: "come on, turn around, baby, set me free"
Fake Dylan?

jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 02:40 (twenty years ago)

This will now serve as a handy list for Roy Williams Highlight when he wishes to make fun of threads I started.

jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 02:41 (twenty years ago)

I shall pick my favorite from each list, judging mainly from title alone since I can't remember thread contents:

Loud Music Will Eat Your Breath
Years.
What ever happened to predictability?
uh-oh
Sneezing While Driving: C/D?
Why do the elderly wear pastels?
"I'm not feelin' it."


oops (Oops), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 02:45 (twenty years ago)

How the hell did I miss the Sneezing While Driving thread? You know, you try to keep up on ILE, you miss work, you blow off friends, you go weeks without bathing or changing your piss bucket...and then you find out about all these bitchin' threads you missed and your whole world starts to crash down around you. Hold me.

oops (Oops), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 02:48 (twenty years ago)

Mine are about football, mostly. And reality TV shows.

I wish I could remember what this one was about though...Is this the best pub sport ever?

ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:34 (twenty years ago)

I like your threads, Michael.

hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:37 (twenty years ago)

Thanks, hstencil.

Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:45 (twenty years ago)

Apparently my thread was about vibrator racing. No wonder it died a death.

ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:49 (twenty years ago)

A fun death, I bet.

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:03 (twenty years ago)

See? Now I'm curious.

Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:04 (twenty years ago)

I have started eight pitifully short-lived threads. The most popular by far was about RJG.

Cathy (Cathy), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 21:20 (twenty years ago)

Hmmm, only 27 on ILE, dating back to 2002. Pretty geeky for the most part, but this was and is my masterpiece:

My cat is a retarded potato

(58 threads on ILM btw, basically what I would expect from myself)

Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 21:42 (twenty years ago)

I'm a dope, how do I calculate all the threads I've started? I realize it'll be a sobering and ultimately disheartening excercise, but curiosity dictates.

Alex in NYC (vassifer), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 22:45 (twenty years ago)

Search for questions asked by your login.

Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 22:50 (twenty years ago)

Curious, aren't you? I like this one. It's cute.

What's the worst swearword in the world?


There's a kid at school who knows, but he won't tell me.
-- @d@ml (nordi
cskilla@hotmail.com), November 3rd, 2003.

Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 22:57 (twenty years ago)

AaronHz - The Complete Works:

ILE:
Asking about threads about locked threads, Classic or Dud?
Sacramento C/D, S/D.
Courtney Love has a manga???
This is the thread for John Waters' "A Dirty Shame" (link to trailer inside)
You're trying to find something worth watching on TV, and finally find a really good movie but it's been dubbed in Spanish. C/D?
My cat took a piss in the bathroom sink (and other pet bloopers).
Documentaries depicting the documentarian's inability to obtain an interview with the ostensible subject of said documentary, classic or dud?
What's the point?

ILM:
Best and Worst Music Websites
Anyone heard the Dresden Dolls CD yet?
Is Maria Mena's "You're The Only One" the new Worst Thing Evah?
Hip-hop songs censored even on "explicit" CD version
I hear a little Momus...
ZZTop: C/D, S/D
Guitar solo - does the song get better or worse?
This is the thread where we make fun of the 2004 MTV VMAs
Berlioz C/D, S/D.
R.E.M. "Around the Sun Redux - Album Sampler" (Free iTunes Exclusive)
Regis Philbin "When You're Smiling"
Top-Selling Record Albums of All Time

All Noise Dude Summertime Fun Board and Pickle Bar:

YOSHIMI VS DIAMANDA GALAS
ANY1 ON THIS BITCH GOTS TRI REPETAE OR A CHANCE TO CUT IS A CHANCE TO CURE?
sexual astronomy
THIS IS TEH THERAAD WERE WE TALK ABOUT D0G LAT1N (IN PIG LATIN)
RE-ANIMATOR APPRECIATION THREAD
ASK AARONHZ
ONE TOKE OVER TEH LINE!
CAN WE TALK ABOUT CRANK YANKERS?
AMAZON.COM WHY YOU BREAK HEART?
Alex in NYC is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life.
AIN'T NO FUN WATING ROUND TO BE A MILLIONAIRE
GARU G APPRECIATION THREAD
HELLS YEAH MY STEPDAD JUST BROUGHT HOME A BRAND NEW PAIR OF DELL SPEAKERS THEY WERE JUST GONNA THROW AWAY AT WORK STILL IN THE BOX AND EVERYTHING
BELLE AND SEBASTIAN >>>>>>>>>> EVERY NOISE BAND EVER (deleted)

AaronHz (AaronHz), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 23:31 (twenty years ago)

I forgot the 13 questions I asked on Ask a Drunk.

http://ilx.p3r.net/searchresults.php?board=13&mode=questions&q=&titlepart=&name=&email=&username=Hereward&dateafter=&datebefore=&catid=all

I'd forgotten this one:

If you can't beet them, can you joint them?


Violaine has been staying with us recently and the other evening the two of us were playing Scrabble in English and she kept doing things like turning 'mule' into 'temulent', 'late' into 'fellate', and 'mania' into 'sophomania' with many attendant double word scores and such, all the while saying, "Oh, I never have such luck when I play this in French". I rather harshly uttered the ILE curse, "Go eat a bag of dicks." She looked at me incomprehendingly and I said, off the cuff, "Va manger un sac de bites." Well, she had assumed by 'bites' that I didn't know the word for beet in French and had simply inserted the English word as is, sadly, my wont. The next day when I got home she had made a lovely beet salad with goat cheese in a terragon vinaigrette. My girlfriend, of course, loathes beets and she took it almost as a form of aggression. The little coquette meanwhile looked at me, smiled as sweetly as can be, and said, "Les beets, on en mangera ensemble mon cher Michael." Is this love or war? Either way, I fear for my very life.
-- Michael White (mwwhites...), August 6th, 2004.

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:00 (twenty years ago)

Find questions from I Love Everything, by allyzay*.

40 results found:

Super Blablazo Fantastico CDr Giveaway Fun Show!!
Technical Scanner Question
"I don't think my ex-wife was in the Black Market Beanie Trade..but then again, I didn't know she was having an affair either! Thus no gauruntees!"
This is the thread where we come up with a good argument for my dad to get a robotic arm.
NYC: Tonite?
Who are you, Horace Mann?
Dr. Drew: Totally Dreamy?
THESPARK.COM TOOK MY IDEA AND I AM VERY UPSET!!!
Boston FAP: Sat. Nov. 22?
Help me, please, I have "The Lady In Red" stuck in my head
Speed Racer: the Movie
Office Secret Santa: WHY
Phone Sex Thread.
Labyrinth!
This is the all new thread about Ally's Stupid Coworkers
In Praise of Fat Cocks.
What the hell is going on here? (PICTURE)
WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE IN THE NEW YEAR FABULOUS SUPERBLABLAZO WUNDERBAR HAPPY TIME HOUR!!!!
SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!!
PLAYMOBIL!!!!!!!
BEST POLITICAL AD EVER!
MORE LAUGHING OUT LOUD CIRCLE JERK TIME HOORAY.
ELVIS!
Strap yr hands cross my engines!
RFI: NYC Moving
Jon Cusack 2.0
Ransacked!
The Crest Whitestrips Experience.
W2 Question for Lawyerly Types.
CINNAMOROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Story That Made My Day
Only 4 people ever in the entire world have actually finished War & Peace.
Momusian or Perryesque?
AMADEUS.
Ein Märchen für dir.
I am worried about Britney Spears's mental health.
HELP ME AND NED CAST THIS MOVIE ABOUT ADAM ANT STARRING ORNALDO BLOOMPS!
Spread the word or...GET WORDERED!!!!!
Jews for Jesus
Lee Fucking Marvin

Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:18 (twenty years ago)

I should try to start some more threads. Just to try to compete with the likes of you guys.

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:22 (twenty years ago)

Also,

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:23 (twenty years ago)

I

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:23 (twenty years ago)

should

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:23 (twenty years ago)

try

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:23 (twenty years ago)

to

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:23 (twenty years ago)

do

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:24 (twenty years ago)

the

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:24 (twenty years ago)

whole

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:24 (twenty years ago)

"post

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:24 (twenty years ago)

one

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:24 (twenty years ago)

Dee are you drunk?

Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:24 (twenty years ago)

(xpost -- argh!)

word

(Hey Ally! Nope, not drunk. Just feeling exceedingly silly)

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:25 (twenty years ago)

at

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:25 (twenty years ago)

a

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:25 (twenty years ago)

time"

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:25 (twenty years ago)

thing,

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:26 (twenty years ago)

so

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:26 (twenty years ago)

my

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:26 (twenty years ago)

total

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:26 (twenty years ago)

post

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:26 (twenty years ago)

count

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:27 (twenty years ago)

won't

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:27 (twenty years ago)

look

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:27 (twenty years ago)

so

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:27 (twenty years ago)

abysmal.

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:27 (twenty years ago)

(*whew* That was tougher than I thought it'd be.)

Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 03:27 (twenty years ago)

five months pass...
Oh no.

n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 11 April 2005 19:55 (twenty years ago)

You've done it again?

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 11 April 2005 20:08 (twenty years ago)

He's revisiting the horror.

Hold him steady. If he passes out, we must administer smelling salts, whatever the fuck they are.

moley, Monday, 11 April 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

Yes, I was bored and I did it again. Oh no. It actually inspired me to go do work for a while.

n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 11 April 2005 20:41 (twenty years ago)

I have created 43 threads, apparently. I would have thought it was about 5 myself (which is probably the number of anonymous ones I've made).

My favourite: The Romans, ILE style.

caitlin (caitlin), Monday, 11 April 2005 20:54 (twenty years ago)

seven months pass...
Oh god. I forgot I started this one:

TS: nose picking vs farting vs spitting

Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 06:31 (nineteen years ago)

if i look up posts of mine from two years ago, they're all a bit over-earnest and stilted. i sort of wish i could erase those.

posts of mine from the last year or so are all kind of brisk and one-liner-ish, like the s1ocki/strongo influence has finally started to show itself.

J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 06:51 (nineteen years ago)

two years pass...

;_;

n/a, Tuesday, 18 December 2007 16:37 (seventeen years ago)


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