"Wall to wall people EXCELSIOR/And they're posting quickly/Spend each night in laughter"

I did! There should be some link down there. Also, this is from the ILM 'dumb as balls' one.

-- j.lu (...), February 3rd, 2005. (j.lu)

It means it is night time in Chickenbear land.

-- C J (...), February 3rd, 2005. (C J)

I can't believe I ever renounced belle & sebastian.

what a fanny.

-- cozen (skiplevel...), February 1st, 2005 5:03 PM. (Cozen)

It would have been better, if they had called it "Fannies Only"

-- Alba (albab...), February 1st, 2005 5:23 PM. (Alba)

Actually, no it wouldn't. It would have been taken for some Teenage Fanclub reference.

-- Alba (albab...), February 1st, 2005 5:24 PM. (Alba)

"Cunts Only", perhaps.

-- Alba (albab...), February 1st, 2005 5:24 PM. (Alba)

"cunts as well"

-- cozen (skiplevel...), February 1st, 2005 5:29 PM. (Cozen)

"Cunts Aloud"?

-- Alba (albab...), February 1st, 2005 10:55 PM. (Alba)

-- nickalicious (nickaliciou...), February 3rd, 2005 5:18 AM. (nickalicious)

Speaking Spanish when it's not require

-- Dr. Z Indahouse (aaronh...), February 3rd, 2005

Edith: MR T! He's a TOOO-TAL LEG-ENNNNNND! Get IN!

Colin: Ah, Bad Attitude Baracus, what a cool guy, what a total genius. "I'm not going in no plane, sucka" I just love all that, s'brilliant. We should get the T-meister on the show. Is he still alive, no? You know what, today I bought the entire series of Jamie and the Magic Torch on DVD, how sad is that? Totally brilliant though.

Edith: JAAAAAMIE! He's a TOO-TAL LEG-ENNNNND! Get IN!

-- Colin & Edith (ge...), February 4th, 2005.

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("candy bar in your coil" sounds like a good double-entendre blues.)
-- Amateur(ist) (amateurist@gmail.com) (webmail), February 4th, 2005 4:46 PM. (Amateur(ist)) (link)

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i would always get very anxious waiting for my candy to dispense. the release of the coil was so agonizingly slow, and there was the fear that the wrapper would get stuck.
haha! xpost.

-- lauren (warmleatherett...) (webmail), February 4th, 2005 4:46 PM. (laurenp) (link)

Our previous flat had awful soundproofing, so we had Stompy and Stompette upstairs, who communicated only by potato sack races.

...

-- elisabeth k (mochaccinou...), February 4th, 2005 8:44 AM.

I had a one man buzzword bingo session with myself that came to an abrupt halt one day when I got an email that included the sentence "all action item procedures must meet our deliverable expectations for our e-business sector in this fiscal quarter". That email alone made me complete my card. Unfortunately the boredom was catching up to me, so in my bingo winning fervor, I did a mock touchdown dance, slipped and fell on my chair leg and resultingly knocked over an adjacent cube wall. That was the end of buzzword bingo.

-- matttt (mhar...), February 4th, 2005.

-- Leon the Fatboy (nicole.kessle...) (webmail), February 4th, 2005. (link)

Suggestions?

-- Bryan Moore (BWMUConn...), February 4th, 2005 9:19 PM. (Bryan Moore)

Answers

Because I Got High - Afroman

-- Frogman Henry (fruit...), February 4th, 2005 9:24 PM.

Tell me the video features Sherman Helmsey drawing a bath for 18-year-old twins in bikinis.

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), February 4th, 2005

the song is #5 this week, its peak was #3 but its up a spot from last #6. I'm guessing it will eventually hit #1.

THERE ARE ONLY FOUR SONGS AMERICA LOVES MORE THIS WEEK

Chris Rock, "Let Me Love You"
Demure bubblecrunk vixen #4343, "1, 2 Step"
Destiny's Child, "Dick With A Wallet Attached, Please Thank You"
Green Day, "When The Fuck Did We Turn Into Tonic"

That's it!

SHORDDAY

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), February 4th, 2005.

Urkel massaging a pregnant Laura's back while the camera zooms into her uterus, where a fetus with Usher's face is floating around singing A-ha HOOO a-ha HOO

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), February 4th, 2005.

I think Nick’s joke just gave me the opposite reaction of the “prostate milking” thread: I had all the internal reactions of a brilliant gag, but no laugh actually came out.
-- nabisco (--...), February 4th, 2005

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nabisco, you realize the opposite reaction of prostate milking would be experiencing an orgasm while sperm shoots into your dick, yes?
-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), February 4th, 2005

"The Milk-Eyed Member"

Ew.

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), February 4th, 2005. (jaymc) (link)

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christ, it's not a corn on the cob, goddammit
-- Riot Gear! (speed.to.roa...) (webmail), February 4th, 2005 2:07 PM. (Gear!) (link)

-- milozauckerman (wooderso...) (webmail), February 4th, 2005. (link)

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I guess you haven't seen the video of my honeymoon! YOWZA!

-- n/a (nu...) (webmail), February 4th, 2005. (link)

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You've heard of vagina dentata, right? Well this was like MOUTH dentata! YOWZA!

-- n/a (nu...) (webmail), February 4th, 2005. (link)

-- oskar shindig! (theundergroundhom...), February 4th, 2005 2:21 PM.

yeah, but it happens at such an inconvenient time of day.

-- Pears can just fuck right off. (fluxion2...), February 4th, 2005 2:21 PM.

-- mookieproof (mookieproo...), February 4th, 2005 2:30 PM.

I came back later and people were like "that's fucking typical, what rubbish lyrics".

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), February 4th, 2005 11:47 PM.

those lyrics are great!

-- jed_ (colin_o_har...), February 4th, 2005.

www.bodytonicmusic.com/forum

the thread is from August or September I think.

x-post I am currently working on lyrics for Jaguar/Star Dancer, so far I was thinking a chorus of "Jaguar, Jaguar, Jaguar, Jaguar" and for Star Dancer perhaps I could personalise things more, who is the "Star Dancer"? What is he really like????

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), February 4th, 2005.

The pick should not be viewed primarily through the lens of ideology (and, once again, all together now, Dean has long been a centrist). It's going to be a primarily mechanical position, focused on building the party at the state and local level. Picking Dean brings along the self-acknowledged risk of gaffes, and he's going to try to keep his head down to avoid them. But message can't be ignored. And his is more outspoken.

-- gabbneb (gabbne...), February 5th, 2005.

YEEEEEEAAAAARRGHH!

Sorry, I got excited.

-- Mickey (modestmicke...), February 5th, 2005.

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), February 4th, 2005.

What would your first reaction be if someone called you "broheems" in the middle of a conversation?

Sincerely, DJP

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 31st, 2003.

who the fuck are these people??

-- Amateur(ist) (amateuris...), February 3rd, 2005.

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i'm convinced that stevem just made them up.
-- Amateur(ist) (amateuris...), February 3rd, 2005.

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), February 4th, 2005 8:18 AM.
__________________________________________________________________

I always looked at that video box and thought, "Yes, it's true neither of these guys is Michael Rappaport, but is that fact really enough to sustain a whole movie."

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...), February 4th, 2005 8:22 AM. (Alex in SF)

-- youn (younno...), February 5th, 2005 1:59 PM.

I love Alex's reply to that too:

Contort my face into an expression of bewilderment.....and then set them on fire.

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Why?
-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), February 4th, 2005.

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Might it be a risky idea, given that you have a dog? Obviously most of my knowledge of their dynamics is from cartoons, but it seems a gamble.
-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...), February 4th, 2005.

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Haha yeah, it could be a big hassle cleaning up after all of the TNT explosions and frying pan slugfests.
-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), February 4th, 2005.

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Exactly.
-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...), February 4th, 2005.

The cashier nearly burst out laughing and felt like saying something mean but I just walked away rolling my eyes.

-- Michael F Gill (rain19...), February 6th, 2005.

-- -rainbow bum- (synthenoi...), February 4th, 2005 6:23 AM. (-rainbow bum-)

um...

-- Snappy (jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj...), February 4th, 2005 6:24 AM. (sexyDancer)

And today is bright and sunny and not only do I have no one to share it with, I'll be in a library falling asleep instead.

-- Leeeter van den Hoogenband (leeee...), February 5th, 2005.

Awww! This thread, just because there isn't another one to post to.

-- goy beorge (largecanoftomatosou...), February 6th, 2005.

Erm, no it was the cat, didn't you see the video?

-- Big Welsh Penis (sha...), February 6th, 2005.

The nice thing about the west is that we're so racially tolerant of the people in our great world cities, mostly the descendants of those whose nations we invaded, ransacked for natural resources and slaves, and then demoted from an empire to a commonwealth and finally to a series of ghettoes in the outskirts of our great cities. Apart from that, though, the west is great, even if I personally wouldn't eat the food there.

-- Momus (nic...), February 5th, 2005 12:30 AM. (Momus)

That was even quicker than I expected.

-- mouse (prometheu...), February 5th, 2005 12:42 AM. (mouse)

-- Daniel Cohen (danielcohe...), February 6th, 2005 4:37 PM. (dayan)

-- teeny (teen...), February 7th, 2005 7:48 PM. (teeny)
.....
the pats should do a lynddie

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), February 7th, 2005 7:51 PM. (papa la bas)

Answers
Another lyric is "Time keeps on changing / always rearranging / Politicians are aging / What price are we paying?"
-- Miki (mkdeo111...), February 7th, 2005.

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Project Future, "Ray-Gun-Omics" (Capitol, 1983). Pop-locking voice-bots critique Reagan's foreign and domestic policies over catchy laser-beam synthesizers. Sweating the possibility that our commander-in-chief will reach for the pencil sharpener and elbow "The Button" -- not an uncommon concern back then -- the chorus wonders, "Politicians are aging/What price are we paying?" (The B-side is a funky/cheesy "Pinball Wizard" update called "Arcade Lover" that anticipates Captain Funkaho's recent "My 2600," so maybe we were just pumping our whole allowance into a "Defender" machine.)
http://weeklywire.com/ww/09-20-99/boston_music_1.html

-- oskar shindig! (theundergroundhom...), February 7th, 2005.

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Thanks!
-- Miki (mkdeo111...), February 7th, 2005.

a) popular English band The Clash;
b) the concept of "watering-down"; and
c) the popular opiate heroin,

you know all you need to about the libertines.

-- haitch (big.jesus.trash.ca...), February 7th, 2005 3:17 PM. (haitch)

And what's excelsior-slagging?

(sorry nate, something about them really sets my teeth on edge for some reason!)

I have and like both Libertines albums. Sadly I am familiar only with their music and the vague idea that one of them is a limey ODB so I'm pretty much left with "They sound kind of like the Kinks, shaddap already" outtatheloopery

I dinnae have room after I et all the pie.

-- teeny (teen...) (webmail), February 7th, 2005 8:02 PM. (teeny) (link)

Not so much a joke as it a semiserious hate-meme

Why is so much of ILX so against people hating stuff?

and I'm thinking of the Eurythmics, thank you so much.

"HATE CR-CR-CRIME-CRIME HATE CRIME!"

what are the circumstances, calum?
-- weasel diesel (kilian(dot)murphy24@mail.dcu.ie), February 7th, 2005 2:34 PM.

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She doesn't exist and it's affecting their sex life.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), February 7th, 2005 2:34 PM.

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), February 7th, 2005 2:44 AM. (Dan Perry)

-- Alienus Quam Reproba (stevem7...), February 7th, 2005.

I heart MANNIONZ (but that one's dope too Trayce!)

Speaking as a still huge fan of "them suspender-rockin' Scottish archduke motherfuckers", I'm actually kinda glad that ILM hates on them as much as they do. I'm always ill at ease whenever I hear of the heaps of accolades and critical acclaim that band gets, because I would totally die (probably just metaphorically) if the band gets to the U2 level of overratedness, so the fact that you guys are out there to provide a counterbalance to all of that is awesome and means that the band won't get an unfair amount of praise.

As for the Excelsior thread -- eh, I have nothing to add. The last time I was quoted here even as a "straight man" was back when the NHL were still playing hockey, San Francisco was still marrying same-sex couples, the Madrid bombings hadn't happened yet, and you-know-who hadn't officially released their album yet. Not that I mind this, mind you -- just means I'm not to participate in the actual excelsioring involved in Excelsior threads. ;)

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), February 8th, 2005.

My laptop died. *cries*

-- Orbit (cstarrcstar...) (webmail), February 6th, 2005. (link)

-- he does guitar with his mouth lmao mint

-- nickalicious (nickaliciou...), February 8th, 2005 2:28 PM.

-- M@tt He1geson (matt@game[remove]informer.com), February 8th, 2005 6:14 PM.

the world already has one David Wells

-- asl (alindal...), February 8th, 2005 6:15 PM. (link)

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), February 8th, 2005 2:30 PM.

Incredibly, I think I'm getting burned out on lists.

-- MindInRewind (brune...), February 8th, 2005.

List the reasons why.

-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...), February 8th, 2005.

it's a very interesting subject, though.

-- debden (debdenherringbon...), February 7th, 2005 6:18 AM. (link)

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), February 9th, 2005.

KEEP COOL SON

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), February 9th, 2005.

-- The Obligatory Sourpuss (expresso222...) (webmail), February 9th, 2005 10:27 PM. (Begs2Differ) (link)

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...) (webmail), February 8th, 2005 7:50 PM. (tracerhand) (link)

1. I had a drink with John McLaughlin of the Mahavishnu Orchestra (so this is more of an ILM dream than an ILX dream)

2. Me and my brother went to see the premier performance of John's new piece - which was about Ruth Ellis (you know, the last woman to be hanged in Britain) but was entitled "June Walter Ellis".

3. The performance took place in a shop with the "musicians" sitting behind counters.

4. They did a version of "Take Me Out" by Franz Ferdinand, another song was written by... Brian Auger!

5. As the last piece of music started, a spotty bespectacled nerd stood up in front of the stage/counter and started offering a critique of the night's performance - saying it was regrettable Mr. McLaughlin was not playing "more notes" and, bemoaning the fact that he was no longer playing "skinhead funk", stated, "Playing six notes endlessly - no matter how well played - is not sufficient." (maybe it was Geir?)

6. Part of the performance involved Madonna getting her head shaved.

7. The music consisted of really powerful and melodic feedback drones which "John McLaughlin" was controlling by means of pedals. He did not have a guitar.

8. The rest of the music was coming from a device which was being attended to by several earnest young men - this device, frankly, was a laser printer.

9. I said to my brother, "Can you guess what age he is?" My brother said "34", but it was obvious he was referring to a piece of musical equipment and not to John McLaughlin.

-- Dadaismus (dadaismu...), February 8th, 2005 7:51 AM. (Dada)

-- C-Man (cma...), February 9th, 2005.

Have you ever been to Greece or Cyprus, Calum?

-- Pashmina (vietgrov...), February 9th, 2005.

Oops sorry, just read "I've never been to greece".

Where's the funny story, then?

-- Pashmina (vietgrov...), February 9th, 2005.

I’d love to see Greece, man.

-- C-Man (cma...), February 9th, 2005.

!!

rage against the mail
-- briania (lyriclas...), February 9th, 2005 11:38 AM.

-- mark p (mark.p****...), January 19th, 2005.

-- ken c (pykachu10...), February 9th, 2005.

Yeah whats with the dress? Its in the way dammit.
-- Trayce, February 10th, 2005 5:25 PM.

i mean, just think, so if we get rid of the idea of ownership, i dare to think whether it's possible, then there'll be no reason for anyone to be greedy, or hungry - everyone will treat each other like siblings. just think about it, everyone in the world, all doing their bit for the world. hmm?

you might think i'm just fantasising, but i think there are others who are the same as me. I really wish one day you'll be like we are. And then i think we can all be living in this world as a single community

-- ken c (pykachu10...), February 10th, 2005.

-- -rainbow bum- (synthenoi...) (webmail), February 10th, 2005. (link)

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Haven't had any of note since I started blow-drying my hair regularly. I think it dries out excess oil or something.

-- Liz :x (lizd4ply...) (webmail), February 10th, 2005. (link)

-- Jams Murphy (ystrickle...) (webmail), February 10th, 2005. (link)

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yeah
OFF the mark.

-- Hari A$hur$t (lindseyloha...) (webmail), February 10th, 2005. (link)

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how?

-- Jams Murphy (ystrickle...) (webmail), February 10th, 2005. (link)

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As in, it doesn't hit the mark.

-- Hari A$hur$t (lindseyloha...) (webmail), February 10th, 2005. (link)

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THANKS FOR THAT AMAZING EXPLANATION FUCKFACE

-- Jams Murphy (ystrickle...) (webmail), February 10th, 2005. (link)

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touché

-- Hari A$hur$t (lindseyloha...) (webmail), February 10th, 2005. (link)

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well, maybe i've generalized.

-- caitlin oh no (caitx...) (webmail), February 10th, 2005. (link)

-- ken c (pykachu10...), February 10th, 2005 3:45 AM.

Prince Harry beat you to it last week

-- Angus Muldoon, Fife (dadaismu...), February 10th, 2005 3:46 AM.

1) TAKE A CLOCK APART TO ITS TINIEST BITS AND SEND HIM ONE PIECE A DAY EVERY DAY FOR LIKE A YEAR FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY
2) TURN HIS PROMO PICTURE INTO A JIGSAW PUZZLE AND SEND HIM ONE PIECE A DAY EVERY DAY AND THE LAST PIECE WOULD BE HIS FOREHEAD AND THERE WOULD BE A BULLETHOLE IN IT!!!!

WE THEN DECIDED THIS COULD BE SEEN AS "THREATENING"

LATER I WENT TO HIS HOUSE FOR HIS BDAY (LONG STORY AS TO HOW I GOT INVITED) AND EVERYONE THERE WAS SMOKING CIGS DIPPED IN RUBBER CEMENT. RICH PEOPLE ARE STUPID. ALSO, EVERYONE LOOKED LIKE PATRICK BATEMAN. ALLYZAY WOULD'VE LOVED IT.

-- Jams Murphy (ystrickle...), February 10th, 2005 10:57 AM. (ystrickler) (link)

SERIOUSLY FOR SOME REASON THIS MORNING THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT ABOUT WAS "WHY DIDN'T I MAIL BRETT EASTON ELLIS SCARY SHIT??" I KNEW THE DAY WAS DOOMED.

-- Jams Murphy (ystrickle...), February 10th, 2005 11:08 AM. (ystrickler) (link)

-- Big Baby Bingo (cmvenuti200...) (webmail), February 10th, 2005. (link)

Um is dollars on this thread for the first 30 posts.

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), February 11th, 2005 7:51 AM. (papa la bas)

No, "deez nuts" is primarily in yo' mouth.

-- Hurting (Hurtingchie...), February 11th, 2005 8:11 AM. (Hurting)

Do you know how hard it is to fire a gun while wearing mittens?
-- Huk-L

Suicidegirls aside, there is a kind of creepy anti-female vibe to a good number of pfork pieces. That's why I can't take this article too seriously.
-- Leon the Fatboy, February 11th, 2005 2:25 PM

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I know, Leon, I really regret that "Bitch Better Have My Max Tundra" article.
-- nabisco, February 11th, 2005 2:28 PM

-- known vaginatarian (nickaliciou...), February 11th, 2005. (nickalicious)

I was going to say Whitehouse, but on reflection they may be the most emo band of all time.
-- thee music mole (mole...), February 11th, 2005.

-- um (u...), February 11th, 2005.

Why don't you like white males? We're good in bed

-- Andrew Blood Thames (andrew.thame...), February 11th, 2005. (Andrew Thames)

If I punch you in the eye, you get a black eye. If I wait until a guy with a hand-held video camera yells "action," then give you that
black eye, how is that different?

-- pdf (newyorkisno...), February 12th, 2005. (Phil Freeman)

well if its non-consensual you now have evidence of assault

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), February 12th, 2005. (miccio)

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry

Exquisitely baffling. And literally lol for me.

There are probaly more, but that's who comes to mind immediately, so no, not just artists/writers/entertainers.

-- Pashmina (vietgrov...), February 11th, 2005 11:38 PM. (Pashmina)

....

norman are you worried that mussolini might google himself & come here & strt some shit

-- forbidden or obsolete (wschat...), February 11th, 2005 11:42 PM. (24 hour troubleshooter)

-- Eyeball Kicks (eyeball_kick...), February 12th, 2005.

it sounds like he's my alcoholic uncle who proves how smart he is by taking the opposite side of any argument at thanksgiving, all this "my friends" business; GET ONE RADIO SHOW

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"a little nob of parmesan doll? OH NO. I HAVE GOT IT IN ME HELMET."
Read out of context, this sounds really, REALLY filthy.

-- Tantrum (tantrumtheca...), February 12th, 2005.

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well..yes...
-- Alienus Quam Reproba (stevem7...), February 13th, 2005.

-- Momus (nick@....

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hi
-- s1ocki (slytus...), January 31st, 2005.

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-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), February 13th, 2005 11:56 PM.

Katy Hill isn't going to go out with you, Ronan.

-- Matt DC (runmd...), February 14th, 2005 12:07 AM.

Alex and his flock of drafgons
Flying over the land
Killing maidens and saving monsters
He fights with dragon laces
And the drafgons land on the Capitol in Washington
And they utter their war cry
Of "HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRGLE."
And vom on the lawn

I can't help but sing it in a viking/dwarf style drinking song, and it's a hilarious bit of writing.

-- Alba (albab...), October 18th, 2004.

All churls to thread.

-- caitlin (wpsal...), October 18th, 2004.

(both posts)

-- dave225 (right.knewi...), February 14th, 2005 5:52 PM.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), February 13th, 2005 6:52 PM.

-- OlafV (Vomiterea...), February 13th, 2005 3:31 AM.

There's something about the way this is worded that gets to me (in a good way).

-- mike hanle y (pennyson...) (webmail), April 4th, 2002. (2 trackbacks) (link)

Answers

Do your ass cheeks shimmer in the light like peaches on a warm spring afternoon?

-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), April 4th, 2002. (link)

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that was uncalled for!

-- mike hanle y (pennyson...) (webmail), April 4th, 2002. (link)

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a magic tunnel up an ass to nowhere
-- dan bunnybrain (bunnybrai...), February 14th, 2005.

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), February 14th, 2005.

They could be British.

-- he does guitar with his mouth lmao mint (jonathan.william...), February 14th, 2005.

-- from the producers of The Chronicles of Riddick (vin_diese...), February 14th, 2005 2:50 PM. (nickalicious)

"planet rock! this takes me back! fuck yeah! don't stop! rock rock planet rock! i am fifty years old" - drunk polish dude.

-- hstencil (hstenc!...), February 15th, 2005 2:43 PM. (hstencil)

---

a couple of years ago a friend of mine invited me to a party he was going to. he picked me up and we drove to a house in Silver Lake. We walked around back and into the back yard. There was a porch that required us to climb up some steps, to where we saw a handful of smokers outside chattering away. We reached the steps and we heard a guy say, "Coffee and smokes, man, that's all I need." A girl replied, "Reality Bites, right?" He replied, "Yes!" She said, "AWEsome..." Another guy chimed in, "Fuckin' great movie, dude." And all three said, "Yeah, seriously."

My friend and I looked at one another, shrugged, and turned around and left.

also fuck this movie for assisting the impression that every emaciated fuckwad with a) anger management issues, b) a stringy goatee, c) rudimentary guitar skills, and d) the occasional "life is sort of crazy" phrase accompanied by a faraway, deep look is some sort of charismatic shaman.

-- Riot Gear! (speed.to.roa...), January 23rd, 2005.

i think you should revive a few threads that were started on ILE by women and black people...otherwise people will just continue to assume the worst about you

-- Alienus Quam Reproba (stevem7...), February 14th, 2005 12:05 AM. (blueski)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-- CALUM OFF MY BEAUTIFUL THREADS (djperr...), February 14th, 2005 3:43 AM. (Dan Perry)

nice breasts btw

-- Alienus Quam Reproba (stevem7...), February 14th, 2005 3:44 AM. (blueski)

Your wit is quick
Your hair is thick
Your countenance
Is sunny

The only snag
Dude, what a drag
You haven't any
Money

-- Dadaismus (dadaismu...), February 15th, 2005.

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...) (webmail), February 15th, 2005 11:10 AM. (jaymc) (link)

I don't know where all this "Marcel" business is coming from.
-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), February 15th, 2005 3:14 PM. (jaymc) (link)

you'd expect that when you fuck a mime, your offspring might be gay.
-- hstencil (hstenc!...), February 15th, 2005 3:14 PM. (hstencil) (link)

-- luna (lunace...) (webmail), November 19th, 2004. (link)

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My cat didn't pass out anything that looked like that though! Can I have kittens instead of babies?

-- Allyzay Science Explosion (allyza...) (webmail), November 19th, 2004. (link)

At the very least you get some one-liner like "I can see how Hal might have become ADDICTED to his power, I can see it BECAUSE I USED TO BE A JUNKIE." or "I know a little something about PROBLEMS myself on acount of I USED TO BE A JUNKIE." or "I hate pusher filth like you scum BECAUSE I USED TO BE A JUNKIE." or "I understand the concerns of the liberals, I was once a liberal myself in that I USED TO BE A JUNKIE." or "Pass the salt Speedy YOU JUNKIE."

Plus he's named Arsenal now, which doesn't work in this country for several reasons.

-- Vic Fluro (ad...), February 15th, 2005.

I thank God every day to have been born in an era of widespread major-seventh chords. Seriously. What the fuck was wrong with
everyone before 1900? How mathematically dogmatic and emotionally stunted do you have to be to deny the chord-dom of the major
seventh? I like to imagine a bunch of folk and music-hall musicians sitting around going “all this major-concert-hall pabulum is so
manufactured. I wanna get into something really abstract and experimental, you know, like major seventh chords.” (Later: "that
fucking Satie is just watering down the sound of the underground of the bourgeousie, man.")

-- nabisco (--...), February 15th, 2005. (nabisco)

That was practically a Custos post, wasn't it.

-- nabisco (--...), February 15th, 2005. (nabisco)

-- Tito JaXoN (jaso...), February 16th, 2005 1:46 PM. (JasonD)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Good to the last drop.
-- Bryan (twp62y...), February 2nd, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He's playing a bit role in Road Rules: Penis Shaped Boat Season
-- Millar (tmilla...), May 30th, 2003 5:58 PM. (Millar)

The whole thread, especially:

U-Vey.
-- Speedhump Bungle (noodle_vagu...), February 16th, 2005. (noodle vague)

What's the name of the guy who plays Jewish-themed reggae?

Jacob Marley?
-- David R. (quoteidio...), February 16th, 2005 4:16 PM. (popshots75`) (link)

*HEARTS*
ALLY

PS DO YOU LIKE MARCUS CIRCLE ONE
YES NO MAYBE

-- Allyzay Dallas Multi-Pass (allyza...) (webmail), February 16th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hear they have pots of gold.
-- Fish fingers all in a line (fluxion2...), February 16th, 2005 10:50 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No that is leprechauns. They are not true Irish, the sooner they go back where they came from the better.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), February 16th, 2005 10:53 PM.

a few weeks ago i read a listing for a position at a medical journal -- they were looking for someone with a "killer" resume. hang ten, dude! multiple sclerosis is a bummer! let's WIPE IT OUT!

-- stockholm cindy's secret childhood (theundergroundhom...), February 17th, 2005 11:00 AM. (Jody Beth Rosen)

Sadly, my resume is merely gnarly.

-- Fish fingers all in a line (fluxion2...), February 17th, 2005 11:02 AM. (kenan)

-- ken c (pykachu10...), February 17th, 2005 11:44 AM.

-- thee music mole (mole...), February 17th, 2005 12:45 PM.

ok i'm definitely saying 'tea' in my next job interview

-- gem (gemilyinterrupte...), February 17th, 2005 12:46 PM. (trisk)

then put yr fingers to yr lips and pretend to "toke up," saying "get it? TEA? MARY JANE? THE LOCO WEED?"

-- The Obligatory Sourpuss (expresso222...), February 17th, 2005 12:48 PM. (Begs2Differ)

then i'll whip out a rasta beanie whatsit and pop it on as i'm hopping in the lift

-- gem (gemilyinterrupte...), February 17th, 2005 12:49 PM. (trisk)

And then you can say 'Inna we kingdom!! Seeeen???' And jam the lift because you are Prince Jammy.

-- thee music mole (mole...), February 17th, 2005 12:53 PM.

-- gygax! (gygax0...), February 16th, 2005 9:03 PM. (gygax!) (link)

1. GYGAX YOU ARE ALWAYS LECTURING ME
2. GYGAX YOU ARE ALWAYS OFFERING YOUR OPINION
3. GYGAX THINGS HAVE CHANGED SINCE 1992
4. GYGAX I DONT HAVE TIME TO MAKE LUNCHES
5. GYGAX YOU DID THE SCHILLING I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU

-- Who did release magic family out from the base of $499 (power.strik...), February 16th, 2005 10:38 PM. (deangulberry) (link)

responding to prefuse 73's threat to some downloader if he 'ever rocks up in williamsburg'.

-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...), February 17th, 2005 6:48 PM.

i look forward to the moves people will make when i play my special chapel farewell set

-- ken c (pykachu10...), February 17th, 2005 7:01 PM.

Like moving away from the speakers, or indeed the whole place?

-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...), February 17th, 2005 7:15 PM.

There's one ILXer who almost did transform my life in a very real sense, by almost sending me on a completely different career path. It never actually happened and maybe that's a good thing in the long run but it was wonderful to be given the opportunity.

-- Matt DC (runmd...), October 21st, 2004 6:13 AM. (Matt DC)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I still think you should become a rent boy.
-- Alba (albab...), October 21st, 2004 6:14 AM.

-- Stupornaut (natepatri...), February 15th, 2005.

Face without jagged metal spikes that cut your hands?

-- dave225 (right.knewi...), February 15th, 2005.

-- n/a (nu...) (webmail), February 18th, 2005 1:48 PM. (Nick A.) (link)

-- Fat Anarchy on Airtube (jonathan.william...), February 18th, 2005.

...

I AM TAKING A TRIP TO PLANET PARIS HILTON TO MINE BOTOX CRYSTALLOIDS

OH SHIT THAT MEANS WE HAVE TO AGE ALL THE OTHER CHARACTERS 37 SPACE YEARS

WAIT NOT IF I FOLD THE MAP LIKE THIS

-- TOMBOT (lame @ lame.lame), February 18th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NA, yes.
-- Allyzay Dallas Multi-Pass (allyza...), February 18th, 2005 2:04 PM. (allyzay)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wait, does "exuding a sense of urgency" = "not being from the South"?
No, it means being a stupid lazy jackass, or maybe you're suicidal and I should have a counselor contact you.

-- TOMBOT (mov...), February 18th, 2005 2:04 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

although I can introduce you to some southerners who have an extreme sense of urgency, that's for sure.
xpost.

-- Allyzay Dallas Multi-Pass (allyza...), February 18th, 2005 2:05 PM. (allyzay)

I will masturbate to this later.

-- Fish fingers all in a line (fluxion2...) (webmail), February 18th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well I'm going to throw up now.

-- Leon the Fatboy (nicole.kessle...) (webmail), February 18th, 2005. (link)

Most of the reviews for Don Johnson's 'Heartbeat' read like this. I don't know if I should laugh or cry:

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Deffibrilation for the soul., November 13, 2003
Reviewer: "jeenathee" (Texas) - See all my reviews
Let's be honest here. We all know that Don Johnson is talented, nay, divinely gifted. His performance in 'Miami Vice' was what I like to call a 'Miami Virtue,' and as for his voice-acting in the flawless 'G.I. Joe: The Movie?' "Golly!" is all I have to say about that.

Could there have been any doubt that this man's voice was an untapped well of rugged ululations meant not to grace the lowly auditory canals of mankind, but to overwhelm and silence the archangels and the godless alike in repentant tears of joy and rapture?

I think not.

Do yourself a favor. You must. I implore you. Buy 'Heartbeat [IMPORT],' and...live.

Was this review helpful to you? (Report this)

-- righteousmaelstrom (righteousmaelstro...) (webmail), February 18th, 2005. (link)

-- scott seward (skotro...) (webmail), February 19th, 2005 8:06 PM. (scott seward) (link)

I think the article raises some interesting questions. When we hate our iGods, are we hating the player -- or are we hating the game? And just what is the game in this case? An Orwellian mash-up of post-meta Monopoly tokens and spent Russian Roulette shells? Each of those cigarette-sized data-bricks is, indeed, a sort of cyber-cancer, dangled like Proust's carrot just out of reach for the twixter-hipster whose veins pump jet-fuel. Also, when the dogs do smell her, will they smell alone?

-- Bent Over at the Arclight (fiestasandsiestas(nospam)@yahoo.com) (webmail), February 19th, 2005 8:24 PM. (link)

both from PITCHFORKER WHINES ABOUT TOO MUCH MUSIC, CREATES SHALLOW CONTEMPORARY LISTENER STRAWMAN

Blist -- Endl Karticon

-- Aaron A. (__...), February 19th, 2005 11:10 PM.

okay I made that up

-- Aaron A. (__...), February 19th, 2005 11:10 PM.

Okay so we've been together a month on monday. She made me an awesome valentine with different colour card and stuff and she cut
a heart out of red card and drew us holding hands in the middle.

We've 'snogged' by now too. But the whole thing is still a big secret.

-- Hari A$hur$t (lindseyloha...), February 19th, 2005. (Toaster)

Have you told *her* about it yet? ;-)

-- caitlin (wpsal...), February 19th, 2005. (caitlin)

?

-- Hari A$hur$t (lindseyloha...), February 19th, 2005. (Toaster)

J/K

-- caitlin (wpsal...), February 19th, 2005. (caitlin)

oh

i was just confused!

-- Hari A$hur$t (lindseyloha...), February 19th, 2005. (Toaster)

i am

-- holojames (holojame...), February 18th, 2005. (holojames)

<-- with stupid

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), February 18th, 2005. (tracerhand)

-- Frank Kogan (edcasua...), February 18th, 2005.

-- lupine lupin (lupinelupi...), February 17th, 2005. (lupinelupin)

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), February 21st, 2005 6:15 PM.

It's fucking British.

-- dave225 (right.knewi...), February 21st, 2005 6:16 PM.

-- Fish fingers all in a line (fluxion2...), February 21st, 2005. (kenan)

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...) (webmail), February 21st, 2005 3:55 PM. (lin

-- nickalicious (nickaliciou...), February 21st, 2005.

-- nabiscothingy (--...), February 21st, 2005.

-- Autumn Almanac

-- caitlin

caitlin you giant nerd.
-- mark p

-- Dom Passantino (juror...), February 22nd, 2005.
She invented Insane Clown Posse

-- dave q (scrape10...), February 22nd, 2005.
She fucked up Tony Parsons' life

-- Dadaismus (dadaismu...), February 22nd, 2005.
She was the drummer in Gay Dad.

-- Jerry the Nipper (jerrythenippe...), February 22nd, 2005.

-- jel -- (freeduni...) (webmail), February 22nd, 2005 11:06 AM. (jel) (link)

-- Ceetrus (...), February 22nd, 2005.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

-- Huzzah (huzza...), February 23rd, 2005 1:05 PM.

Answers

poor god

-- shine headlights on me (electricsoun...), February 23rd, 2005 1:07 PM. (electricsound)

Wet enough for ya?
-- luna (lunace...), February 22nd, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NEVER. Um, what?
-- Je4nne ƒury (jeanneƒur...), February 22nd, 2005.

Yes those are all lines in the comic strips linked in the thread question. Congratulations.

-- TOMBOT (wi...), February 23rd, 2005.

"And for our next number, we would like to perform our version of a little number called "Fuck Tha Police" by those popular suspects, IC3's With Attitude. Ah one, ah two, ah one two three...."

-- Stewart Osborne (stewart.osborn...), February 22nd, 2005 9:34 PM. (Stewart Osborne)

(the looks on their faces... oh my)

pop
-gnarled long noses
-flies on broomsticks
-strange outfits
-casts spells

dance
-invoked by full moon
-hairy
-can only be killed by silver bullets
-mostly guys

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...) (webmail), February 23rd, 2005 12:12 PM. (Ronan) (link)

i think it means there's a fourth individual in bed with them and it resembles a GIANT SHARK
-- Sven Bastard (stevem7...), February 23rd, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe they were testing it.
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), February 23rd, 2005 1:51 PM. (tracerhand)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

no, the tests were always daytime.
-- eman (masses7...), February 23rd, 2005 1:55 PM. (eman)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe they were testing you!
-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), February 23rd, 2005 2:07 PM. (spencermfi)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/4288103.stm
-- Bully Churchill (bullychurchil...), February 23rd, 2005.

Answers

"We didn't do anything to stop that, either."
-- milozauckerman (wooderso...), February 23rd, 2005. (miloaukerman)

-- Ed (dal...), February 22nd, 2005 5:04 AM. (dali) (link)

Kittens are qavatars of the decadent twee baroque.

-- Ed (dal...), February 22nd, 2005 5:04 AM. (dali) (link)

-- sugarpants (signalsfadin...), February 23rd, 2005 1:49 PM. (sugarpants)

:D :D :D

-- sugarpants (signalsfadin...), February 23rd, 2005.

Sugarpants is saucy today.

-- miccio

It was the "soy titty" that really did it

What earthly use would this be, tho?

Shrimp 1 *staggers*: "Oh. It was like a million voices cried out in agony, and then were suddenly silent."
Shrimp 2: "Like with ObiWan?"
Shrimp 1: "Yes. Except it was just one. A plant being killed."
Shrimp 2: "What the frigZoR is a "plant"? And btw, is this a soup bowl or a fish bowl?"

-- mark s (mar...) (webmail), December 8th, 2001. (link)

it's a long way from godardian technique now (and lee was always a long way from godardian politico-tic), so you could say it's spike's own as a device to play with now, but the role of that section — yes yes also a scorseaholic's hommage to last temptation's best known coup — is somewhat like i think what farber is getting at, re godard, in that passage

in other words: you have the story and it clips along, until these bits where the director takes out a flipchart and some coloured magic markers and interrupts the plot proper to bulletpoint "wider" stuff (in breathless, it's actually pre-politico-godard, that's part of farber's specific argument, semi-relevant maybe to 25th hour's "post-political" lee maybe, in an upside-down way but i'm too tired to work that bit out)

*spoilers end spoilers end spoilers end*

-- mark s (mar...), May 30th, 2003 1:09 PM. (mark s)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's the least spoiler-ish spoiler I've ever read.
-- slutsky (parrisactava...), May 30th, 2003 1:20 PM. (slutsky)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now that everyone knows that the film ends with a Grand American Narrative of Possible Freedom, no one need rent it.

-- amateurist (amateuris...), May 30th, 2003 1:26 PM. (amateurist)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

how do you feel about them little Limp Bizkit bastards?
-- Sven Bastard (stevem7...)

You know what a stupid vegan trick is? Juggling tempeh.

-- jill schoelen is the queen of my dreams! (mandeewrigh...), February 24th, 2005 5:46 PM

-- The Argunaut (jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj...), February 24th, 2005.

In Canada we do the same, only three weeks earlier.

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), February 24th, 2005.

(It helps to know Canadian holidays.)

-- DaveQ (dave...), February 24th, 2005.

get one tarkus

-- roxymuzak (emilysu...), February 24th, 2005.

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), February 25th, 2005. (link)

-- fact checking cuz (factcheckingcu...) (webmail), February 24th, 2005 8:31 PM. (fcc) (link)

7 inches would be my guess.

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), February 24th, 2005 8:32 PM. (Dan Perry) (link)

-- Allyzay Dallas Multi-Pass (allyza...) (webmail), February 25th, 2005 5:36 AM. (allyzay) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You have rotten taste in film, you hopeless fuckwhistle.
-- Pashmina (vietgrov...), February 25th, 2005.

rofl.

I mean "discovered", like Columbus discovered America.
-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), February 25th, 2005 3:48 AM.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

you have a weird definition of "worse"
-- Allyzay Dallas Multi-Pass (allyza...), February 25th, 2005 4:28 PM.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

is there any film (by anyone) which wd not be IMPROVED by including a shot of Spike Lee riding a cow over the moon?
-- mark s (mar...), February 25th, 2005 4:55 PM.

-- RS £aRue (oumtransmission...), February 25th, 2005.

(This also reminds me of trying to by the music magazine Option at a news-stand many years ago. And the guy pointed to a porm magazine, and I said something like "That wasn't the Option I was looking for," which sounded almost like a one-liner.)

-- RS £aRue (oumtransmission...), February 25th, 2005.

two occasions for laughter

-- Je4nne ƒury (jeanneƒur...) (webmail), February 25th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Blow them up. This is my new solution for every work related problem.

-- luna (lunace...) (webmail), February 25th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Angry interior designers" actually does sound kind of scary. You're going to come home every day for a month and find your couch along the wrong wall and a new lacquer screen that totally clashes with your drapes.

-- nabiscothingy (--...) (webmail), February 25th, 2005. (link)

As you all may know, Sarah, a girl here, has won my undying infatuation due in no small partto here intrest in the playstation game Vib Ribbon. I sent her a email, with a link to pics of the game's sequel... to no response.

Now people, why is it that this girl wont give me the benifit of the doubt? Just ask Mike Hanle y, I'm not grotesque. When I shave my head, I resemble David Justice (hey, that ryhmes).

I just want to reward her for her good mind. I really think she seems super. I mean, a date can have motives of horny evil. My motive is not like that. I'm motiuvated by a need to let her know she is a champion, by treating her as such.

Maybe she thinks men are bad.

ARGH!!!!!

It just makes me love my job more when people are screwed up. I work with the mentally ill and the mentally retarded. They are a simple folk, I aspire to "let go" like they do.

They're like the wind. They're liiiike the wiiiiiiind...........

-- Chief White Lotus (jon_holme...), July 25th, 2002 2:00 AM. (1 trackback) (admin)

Answers

sarah might be playing hard to get (whatever that means). or she might already have a boyfriend.
-- Julio Desouza (jdesouz...), July 25th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Mike, is jon grotesque? Be honest.

-- felicity (felicityredwel...), July 25th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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If you wanted an answer to this question, you would have asked sarah, not blurted it out in here. Methinks you are a tad on the immature side.

-- Little Nipper (cani...), July 25th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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I work with the mentally ill and the mentally retarded. They are a simple folk, I aspire to "let go" like they do.

I think you just answered your own question up above.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), July 25th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Maybe because you're a creep?

-- Graham (dtc...), July 25th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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umm because you implied she's simple folk?

starry is fuckin great, her posts always make me laugh.

-- di (lucylure...), July 25th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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because the wonderful Starry is MINE and i already have plans to kidnap her and keep her in the cupboards with Rainy and Ned, and feed them all on peanut butter cookies....except shh she doesn't know yet.

...oh, CRAP. not again. um, forget you saw that, everyone. * nonchalant whistle*

-- petra jane (petrajan...), July 25th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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saw what? *walks nonchalantly away from the area*

-- Matt (Mat...), July 25th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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oh, nothing. WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE??! *points*

-- petra jane (petrajan...), July 25th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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LOOK AT ME GUYS! *dances highland fling to divert attention while petra makes stealthy with the kidnap thang*

-- di (lucylure...), July 25th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Sounding like a creep anyway. You might be a really nice guy.

-- Graham (dtc...), July 25th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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You've ruined it, White Lotus: the point of ILE is that we all strive to make Starry's husbands list -- you can just ask, you have to earn it.

(This attempt to make this thread less uncomfortable brought to you by ...

-- nabisco ) (--...), July 25th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Oh, and it's gone all wrong based on a missing "n't." No husbands list for me, then.

-- nabisco (-...), July 25th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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nice work, Di! they'll never suspect a thing!

-- petra jane (petrajan...), July 25th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Methinks this is no way to win the fair lady's affections.

-- stevo (stefanroo...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Methinks the world has gone bananas.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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bananan'ts

-- mark s (mar...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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urp?

-- Alan T (alantrewarth...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Methinks dastoor is molten

-- mike hanle y (pennyson...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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How to handle a woman? Its simple. Simply love her. Give her love. Never pinch her. Give her candy sometimes. Always give flowers. Call her "preetylady". Make yourself smell nicest of all. Sing to her. Show your virtue and strentgh.

-- mike hanle y (pennyson...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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awww hanle y is OTM. except about the preetylady part.

-- katie (kjgrocot...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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preeeeeeetyladeeeeee

-- Alan T (alantrewarth...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wow that makes me want to run. Far and fast.

-- Archel (arche...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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kindly post any "preeeetylaydee" comments to the CREEPY thread where they belong! i thank you.

-- katie (kjgrocot...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some people just can't take a compliment.

-- Emma (emmaluvscak...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Preeeeetttteeeee womang walking down the street, preeeeetttteeee womang the kind I'd like to meet

-- jel -- (freeduni...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

For "preeetyladeee" refrences , refer to Happosai from Ranma 1/2 cartoon, especially the episode where his power is deflated by SHampoo's "girl away " patch .

-- mike hanle y (pennyson...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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I'm not creepy! I'm child-like and tactless. People tend to confuse the two.

And of course I'm going to blurt it out here. It's good conversation. I mean, if I REALLY wanted to date her, I'd be A) creepy, because I don't know her B) desperate, because I don't know her and C) Stupid, because I don't know her.

The real question is, why does she not entertain the mild flirtatiousness? Do I write sucky? Do I write like a sucky looking man?

And on the topic of crazy and retarded people, I think it not at all condisending to call them "simple folk". It's just not. A spade is a spade. More so, I like them that way.

But if the man who implied that the "simple folk" statement was the source of the rejection had intended his statement to mean that Sarah doesn't like simple people, as opposed to impling that I'm a jerk for making such a rude remark, then God bless her. Anyone who wants complicated people in their lives should be dragged out of there independant film channel viewing rooms and shot.

Is Sarah too scared to talk on the topic? Perhaps I am a demon for asking this question. Perhaps it brings up dark water from the poor girls depths. Who can say?

Happosai!

-- Chief White Lotus (jon_holme...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Shhhhh!

-- davidh(owie) (howied41'@hotmail.com), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Yeah, Hanley's sorta on the money, except with that "never pinch her" bit. WTF, are you chivalrous or something?

-- M. Wolf (wolfshir...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Oh, hey, evidently there was a brief window wherein all you had to do was buy her a packet of crisps!

-- nabisco (--...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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pinch if it pleases!

-- mike hanle y (pennyson...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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I'd just like to go on record to say that Mike is funny. He wrote a script for a movie called "Crystal Fux". I should post it. It's timeless entertainment.

-- Chief White lotus (jon_holme...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Mike Hanley forgot to mention fine wines and Belgian chocolates. Posting a message to ILE, you know, is very like making love to a beautiful woman. You mould your words carefully, plan your meanings - but in the end you just press the button marked 'Submit'...

-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmore...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Jesus EWWW is that unromantic.

-- nabisco (--...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Chief White Lotus - you are sad. Sarah is too good for the likes of you.

-- DV (dirtyvica...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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I just want to reward her for her good mind

Chief White Lotus - you are sad. Sarah is too good for the likes of you

i wish you guys wouldn't beat around the bush. just come out and say what you *really* mean.

-- Dave M. (pton_mwaa...), July 26th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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I hope there's some subtext to this thing that I'm missing. Cause if not, I can't say I blame her.

-- Mark (mpytli...), July 28th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Someone love me!

-- Chief White Lotus (jon_holme...), July 28th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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I wanna be loved. eye eye eye eye ...just want to be loved

-- mike hanle y (pennyson...), July 28th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Blimey, calm down you nutter!

a) I am a very bad email person anyway
b) I read yr mail on WAP over the w/e, when I got to a computer there were about NINE BILLION other emails so it got shunted to the bottom
c) I had to go and get a hamburger
d) I didn't have access to a PS2 at the time (but now I do eh).

And you didn't ask me out!!! I always get meng who say WHY DOES SARAH NOT LOVE ME/DO THE NAUGHTY BUSINESS/SPEAK TO ME thing but they do not make any effort to make themselves clear! COR, take me back to the days of PARLOURS where gentlemeng had clearly established procedures for this kind of thing. Perhaps you should send me a COURTING CARD but then again I am now more scared of you than I was before. Argh.

NB if this makes no sense I am very light headed from taking DRUGS and being sick and lying down in the ill-people room.

-- Sarah (starr...), July 29th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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i pick: WHY DOES SARAH NOT LOVE ME/DO THE NAUGHTY BUSINESS/ SPEAK TO ME

Flu pills, Sarah? i'm just discovering their GRATEness for bollocksy ILE posting.

-- petra jane (petrajan...), July 29th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

So far there's been FOUR! Solpadeine (two pills were vomited up tho) and some powders that you are supposed to drink in order to restore yr bodies salt/fluid ect balances post-vom, HOWEVER it advertises itself as a post-"loose motion" aid so HOOM HOOM to that. It just tastes of salt. Luckily I do not haf flu ATM but I am sure my time will come. Floo.

Now I am hungry but haf ph34r of putting solids into my estomago. Apart from for some reason, an odd craving for the burgers they used to sell in my 6th form college canteen. They were some kind of wack foodstuff of unknown origin but COR they were bladdy nice.

-- Sarah (starr...), July 29th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Ahem.....
Sarah (because she writes like how I imagine japanimation chicks to talk....when i squeeze those tits that blinding sparkly energy ninja Dragonball blast shoots out teh nipples and it's on)..... -- Ramosi (olafsonski...), March 12, 2002.
My life has hit rock bottom. -- Sarah (starr...), March 12, 2002.
My man Lotus, if you want to publicly fantasize about Sarah, it is like pizza......it's all about the delivery.

-- Ramosi (solafsonski...), July 30th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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BTW, get well Sarah!!!

-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), July 30th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Fire-breathing nipples? I am so all flavours of jealous.

-- petra jane (petrajan...), July 30th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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I considered it to be more sparkly shiny glittery silver ICE energy myself, but you know, whichever...

-- Sarah (starr...), July 30th, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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Good grief I was sitting next to Sarah for a while last night! One clumsy movement of my elbow and I could have been dead!

-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmore...), July 31st, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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or frozen solid.

-- Dave M. (pton_mwaa...), July 31st, 2002 2:00 AM. (admin)
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gummi eyeballs=waaaaay grosser than gummi roadkill

though really gummi anything that isn't a bear is fucked up beyond belief.

-- Allyzay Dallas Multi-Pass (allyza...), February 25th, 2005. (allyzay)

Gummi Dursts!

-- Leon the Fatboy (nicole.kessle...), February 25th, 2005. (Ex Leon)

-- phil-two (philtw...), February 26th, 2005.

-- adam.r.l. (adamr...) (webmail), February 26th, 2005 8:27 PM. (nordicskilla) (link)

Oh, and the encore? 23 Skidoo's "The Gospel Comes to New Guinea" and Matchbox 20's "Push". God, that would be so disconcerting and hysterical.

-- Ian Riese-Moraine (eastern_mantr...), February 27th, 2005.

man o man when these white upper middle class kids hear a band playing songs designed for the white upper middle class they're gonna be so freaked!

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), February 27th, 2005.

-- kyle (akmonda...), February 28th, 2005.

Only if the feud is an attempt to win the affection of Jude Law.

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), February 28th, 2005.

Ending with a 3-way?

-- gypsy mothra (meetm...), February 28th, 2005.

Virginia Madsen is rather charming

-- gabbneb (gabbne...), February 28th, 2005.

Sean Penn is such an ass.

-- polyphonic (polyphoni...), February 28th, 2005.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), February 28th, 2005 10:56 AM. (vassifer) (link)

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...) (webmail), February 28th, 2005 7:10 PM.

Okay, that was so not me that posted that!

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), February 28th, 2005 7:31 PM.

Okay, so it was definitely Dan.

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...) (webmail), February 28th, 2005 7:35 PM.

Sorry, but it made me laugh.

-- Shakey Mo Collier (audiobo...) (webmail), February 28th, 2005. (link)

That was some freaky HR Geiger shit goin on there. Titties do not belong on shoulder blades. AND I LOVE TITTIES.

-- Je4nne ƒury (jeanneƒur...), February 28th, 2005.

just in case there was a demand for an acoustic cover of "I Kill Everything I Fuck"

-- mark p (mark.p****...), March 1st, 2005 3:16 AM. (Mark P) (link)

LIES.
SPELLING MISTAKES.
My work on the internet is done.

-- Pete (pb1...), March 1st, 2005 11:22 AM. (Pete)

-- Pete (pb1...), March 1st, 2005.

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yes and my heart was going like mad and yes I said yes you will yes
-- mark s (mar...), March 1st, 2005.

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), March 1st, 2005.

OH SHIT HOW DID YOU KNOW

-- The Obligatory Sourpuss (whatareyou @ nostrafrickin.damus), March 1st, 2005 1:13 PM.

Sorry, am I crunching my 50¢ M&M's too loud for you? I know, those $2.00 M&M's are so much quieter. Sorry about that.

-- Curious George Rides a Republican

Enough with the "Everything Was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt"!

-- mark s (mar...) (webmail), March 2nd, 2005 10:42 AM. (link)

-- big dave (bgd...), March 2nd, 2005.

crosspost

again, a deion sanders nickname.

-- hstencil (hstenc!...), March 2nd, 2005 12:13 PM. (hstencil) (link)

same thing with "COCK COWBOY" too

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), March 2nd, 2005 12:15 PM. (papa la bas) (link)

This fact became painfully obvious as the monarch engaged in conversation with some of the greatest exponents of the art produced by Britain during a reception at Buckingham Palace celebrating the country’s music industry.

And what do you do? The Queen meets Eric Clapton

It started when Brian May of Queen pointed out that it had been his honour to play the national anthem during the rock concert held at the palace in 2002 to mark the Golden Jubilee. “Oh! That was you was it?” replied a surprised monarch, before moving swiftly on to Jimmy Page.

Quite a lot of people would swoon in the presence of such a talent, but the Queen managed somehow to control her excitement. “Are you a guitarist too?” she asked of the Led Zeppelin megastar, as if addressing a member of the 1st Haywards Heath Scouts Band. He nodded.

Eric Clapton was taking no chances and, shaking the Queen firmly by the hand, introduced himself by name. “Have you been playing a long time?” the Queen asked, obviously none the wiser. “It must be 45 years now,” replied a non-plussed blues giant.

Next was Jeff Beck, like Clapton and Page a former Yardbird. Her Majesty was duly informed of the fact. “We’re all from Surrey,” added Clapton, grasping for some point of commonality. Luckily, the Queen had heard of Surrey. Clapton was philosophical as he munched his canapé.

“It’s great to meet her - and it doesn’t matter at all that she did not know who we are or what we do. I wouldn’t expect her to.” Some 500 guests were invited to the reception, and all except Geri Halliwell managed to turn up on time. The former Spice Girl breached protocol by arriving 40 minutes late — and, more importantly, after the Queen.

Phil Collins, who was also present, recounted his meeting with the Queen during a tribute concert for Nelson Mandela. “Before the concert she told me ‘I hope you’re not going to be too loud’. “Her only comment afterwards was ‘yes it was actually’.”

-- paul c (pau...), March 2nd, 2005. (paul c)

Answers
I guess a command performance by Sleepytime Gorilla Museum is further off than I had previously imagined.
-- paul c (pau...), March 2nd, 2005. (paul c)

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Quite the humorist, HRH is.
-- ffirehorse (sf_firehors...), March 2nd, 2005.

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Twenty minutes later Sean Carter arrived to which the queen shouted "JIGGGAAA"
-- David Allen (earwhig...), March 2nd, 2005. (David Allen)

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...),

(from "People Who Wouldn't Have Been So Successful If They'd Kept Their Original Names" thread)

-- Skottie (n...), November 4th, 2003.

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Seeing your mom naked if you are a guy and your mom is Halle Berry----OOOOOH ME LIKEY LIKEY LIKEY wait you're my mom eeewwwwwww.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), November 4th, 2003. (Dan Perry)

-- nickalicious (nickaliciou...), March 2nd, 2005 5:22 AM. (nickalicious)

-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), March 3rd, 2005 4:46 PM

-- Jordan (jordan...), March 3rd, 2005.

-- Michael White (Sanmichel...), March 3rd, 2005 12:26 PM. (Hereward) (link)

crosspost x3

hey

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), March 3rd, 2005 11:12 AM. (vassifer)

I remember being very depressed by the video as a little kid, thinking, 'Is adulthood really that bland, that this is happiness, this is fun, this is BREAKING OUT?' Six years later I broke out in acne. I get the song better now.

-- Bernard E. Morris (morri...) (webmail), March 3rd, 2005. (link)

-- green uno skip card (jonathan.william...), March 4th, 2005 12:20 PM.

acid Acid ACID ACID

-- sugarpants (signalsfadin...), March 4th, 2005 12:32 PM.

ACID has a synaesthesia plug-in?

-- latebloomer: Klicken für Details (posercore24...), March 4th, 2005 12:35 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well....
-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), March 4th, 2005 8:12 PM.

Answers

what's the point of the black album when you still have the white album?
-- jbr (theundergroundhom...), March 4th, 2005 8:15 PM.

-- New Way (Quick Wash and Brush Up With Liberation Theology) (dilgreen@bigflame.com), March 3rd, 2005 2:34 PM. (link)

what no priest or zeppelin?

-- hstencil (hstenc!...), March 3rd, 2005 2:40 PM. (hstencil) (link)

No, just Sabbath. Ozzy Sabbath. Fuck Dio with a stage prop dragon.

-- New Way (Quick Wash and Brush Up With Liberation Theology) (dilgreen@bigflame.com), March 3rd, 2005 2:47 PM. (link)

I'd rather be the Pope..
[Pope%2520John%2520Paul%2520II%2520In%2520Prayer.jpg]

-- daria g (daria_gra...), March 3rd, 2005 6:46 PM. (daria g)

Neither one can talk coherently.

-- sugarpants (signalsfadin...), March 3rd, 2005 6:50 PM. (sugarpants)

-- latebloomer: Klicken für Details (posercore24...), March 4th, 2005 8:33 PM. (latebloomer) (link)

good thing that Ark business fell through

-- Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (speed.to.roam@gmail.com), March 4th, 2005 10:33 PM. (Gear!) (link)

-- Chris 'The Nuts' V (cmvenuti200...), March 4th, 2005. (Chris V)

VengaDan OTM. Although the attitude is more "...my lotus blossom doesn't look like a Hustler centerfold's" (never mind that such photos are retouched beyond recognition).

-- j.lu (jlut...) (webmail), March 4th, 2005. (link)

[...]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

um j.lu they're still pretty regocnizable.

-- f--gg (gffcnn...) (webmail), March 4th, 2005. (link)

Proof that pit bulls are actually Pwned by cats!

-- jocelyn (nalra...), March 4th, 2005.

there should be a video game franchise based on that picture

-- TOMBOT (spitty.and @ mew.mew), March 4th, 2005.

The Jewish one is the best though. Number 8 is a mean recipe for fried matzo.

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...) (webmail), March 4th, 2005 12:11 PM. (Alex in SF) (link)

-- Michael White (Sanmichel...), March 4th, 2005.

-- jel -- (freeduni...), March 4th, 2005.

-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...), March 4th, 2005 9:19 AM.

LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A COMEDIARE'NT.
-- ddb (stupidpum...) (webmail), March 4th, 2005 5:51 PM. (ddb) (link)

This teenage kid gets on the train and stands next to this teeange girl and her friend. All have on ipods.

Boy: (out loud to the girl) Wow, look at that, my ipod tag says Beastie Boys but this song is by Jimmy Smith.
Girl raises eyebrows
Boy: I know what happened here. This beat is very similiar to a Beastie Boys one, perhaps they sampled it. That's why I mistagged it.
Girl: Oh.
Boy: Do you ever have problems tagging?
Girl: I don't worry about it.
Boy: I could help you tag, are you on your way home?
Girl: I don't know you.
Boy: You could get to know-
Girl sighs

Unfortunately, I got off the train at that time, but the kid started talking about something else in depth while the girl remained nonplussed.

-- Michael F Gill (rain19...), March 5th, 2005. (Michael F Gill)

(The talk was about Mars Volta albums, btw.)

Has anyone heard Snow White Midget and the Seven Dwarves yet? Starring Lady Sovereign and featuring Dizzee, Wiley, Dirty, Sharkie, Tinchy, Scratchy and Chris Martin. Apparently they did it as a surprise encore at the Royal Variety Performance.

Incidentally, anyone know what's up with Blissblog? All I can see is a black screen with THIS IS ALL MY FAULT in big letters.

-- Matt DC (runmd...), March 5th, 2005.

Maybe you're just sublimating your desire for tits...

-- Expo (dlwin...), March 5th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My desire for tits and for dick is anything but sublimated.
-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...), March 5th, 2005.

Your Guide, Michele Baskin-Jones From Michele Baskin-Jones,
Your Guide to Death and Dying.
FREE Newsletter. Sign Up Now!

A.
Many people believe that a person's hair, fingernails and toenails continue to grow after death. Despite what you may have read or seen in the
movies, this is false. Once a person has died all growth of the hair and nails ceases. After death the body dehydrates and the skin around the hair
and nails will recede a little making it appear as the deceased's nails and hair have grown. However, it is only an optical illusion. The nails and hair
remains the same length as before but more of it is exposed due to tissue shrinkage.

-- Fish fingers all in a line (fluxion2...), March 5th, 2005. (kenan)

um, I knew it was false. I was being dry, hence the TV show attribution. But thanks anyway.

-- Stormy Davis (electrifyingmoj...), March 5th, 2005. (diamond)

Hey, I'm here to help.

-- Fish fingers all in a line (fluxion2...), March 5th, 2005. (kenan)

Still it's my favorite optical illusion.

-- Aaron A. (__...), March 5th, 2005.

Amateurist - have you seen Fast Times at Ridgemont High? 'Cause if I'm not mistaken, "Somebody's Baby" is played near/during the part where Jennifer Jason Leigh's character gets deflowered unceremoniously in some baseball dugout, and that's kind of sad - maybe you had made some subconscious links?
-- Ernest P. (afternoon_trai...), March 5th, 2005.

(many posts pass)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wrote: maybe you had made some subconscious links?
To clarify (because I just realized that this could be interpreted in a not-so-good way): links between the *song* and the *movie scene*.

-- Ernest P. (afternoon_trai...), March 6th, 2005.

http://www.vh1.com/shows/dyn/remaking/87411/episode.jhtml

The Remaking of Vince Neil begins at a dingy club, in a strip mall in Minnesota, where Vince is performing solo to a small, aging, but loyal audience. The former frontman from Mötley Crüe has become significantly overweight, has maintained an escalating drinking habit, and is struggling to come up with new music to keep his sound current.

Vince Neil is presented with the opportunity to remake himself in preparation for one ultimate goal: a grand finale concert that could re-launch his career.

(etc...)

-- nonthings (nonthing...), December 25th, 2004

------------------------------------------------------

so how is it working for vh-1?

-- chaki in charge (chaki.tim...), December 25th, 2004.

------------------------------------------------------

Suck yr mudder's tit, sir!

-- nonthings (nonthing...), December 26th, 2004

Set in 1970s San Francisco, Vin Diesel plays brilliant French philosopher Michel Foucault, forced to assume the identity of a gay man in order to infiltrate the notorious bathhouse scene. A serial killer is at large, murdering senior members of the Republican party in the style of mid-18th Century French regicides. Only one man - Foucault - is able to deconstruct the semiology behind these slayings.

Based on a True Story.

-- Ferlin Husky (noodle_vagu...), March 6th, 2005.

-- phil-two (philtw...), March 6th, 2005 4:15 PM. (phil-two)

ive never had a sextoy before

-- phil-two (philtw...), March 6th, 2005 4:15 PM. (phil-two)

Um ... isn't it obvious what to do with it FROM THE NAME?

Happy Birthday!

-- caitlin (wpsal...), March 6th, 2005 4:21 PM. (caitlin)

Yeah, I think it goes in your butt!

-- Aaron W (nineoclockdro...), March 6th, 2005 4:21 PM. (Aaron W)

i dunno, im scared to put it there! it's my 2-year old niece's birthday too, maybe i should send it to her and say its a pacifier.

-- phil-two (philtw...), March 6th, 2005 4:28 PM. (phil-two

"The Wu-Tang Manual" by RZA

This is awesome.

A Ho cryin'?

-- jay blanchard (kinojay3...), March 7th, 2005 1:42 PM. (jay blanchard)

I'm also quite turned off by his recent Reebok ad. Picture of him on the left, and a picture of police fingerprint blotter on the right, under the inscription "I am What I Am!" OOoooooh....yeah, it's cool to be a felon, isn't it. Fuck all that stuff.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), March 7th, 2005.

yeah man, fuck it! fuck all that stuff!

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), March 7th, 2005.

Oh yeah, and fuck J blount too!

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), March 7th, 2005.

fuck it!!!

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), March 7th, 2005.

-- Kim (grimstitc...), March 7th, 2005.

-- Amateur(ist) (amateurist@gmail.com), March 7th, 2005 2:56 PM. (Amateur(ist))

Chris Ott

-- gygax! (gygax0...), March 4th, 2005. (gygax!)

crosspost.

-- andy -- (and...), March 7th, 2005.

The Twins are in the middle of a long beach stretching out to the east and west, there is deep sea to the north. Exits lead north, south, east, west.
What shall we do?

> NORTH

The Twins have drowned in the inviting blue waters of the ocean.

-- wombatX (wombat...), March 7th, 2005.

It's MARCH. Freak.

-- TOMBOT (5...), March 8th, 2005 10:20 PM. (later)

Let's get the pitbulls drunk!

-- peepee (citywideva...), March 8th, 2005.

THAT'S GREAT IDEA!

-- Thermo Thinwall (tupac.chopr...), March 8th, 2005.

Aw, just take them bowling instead.

-- Pleasant Plains /// (pleasant.plain...), March 8th, 2005.

She left, poor girl. My friend was a cad.

-- Matt (Mat...) (webmail), March 8th, 2005. (link)

-- Surreal Addiction (newromanti...) (webmail), March 8th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OH BOY LET'S GET MAD AT BONO AGAIN

-- Stupornaut (natepatri...) (webmail), March 8th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

is this thread backwards?

-- RJG (RJ...) (webmail), March 8th, 2005. (link)

-- TOMBOT (hallmar...) (webmail), March 8th, 2005. (link)

[....]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

wtf does the robotic penis have to do with bread, someone might've asked, before I did.

-- Allyzay Dallas Multi-Pass (allyza...) (webmail), March 8th, 2005. (link)

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...), April 26th, 2004. (Alex in SF)

The Pearl Jam Unplugged Was Pretty Awesome
Especially "Porch"

-- Dude (Greekeyebro...), April 26th, 2004. (The Yellow Dart)

Thank you for answering my question.

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...), April 26th, 2004. (Alex in SF)

http://www.soyonlineservice.co.nz/
they say it is your end! do you lie soy!!??

-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), June 22nd, 2003 12:57 AM.

Ow! My! Cock!
-- accentmonkey (tris...), March 8th, 2005 5:15 PM. (later)

sounds like you handled it well, luna.
-- Amateur(ist) (amateurist@gmail.com), March 8th, 2005 5:17 PM. (later)

-- Trayce (spamspanke...) (webmail), March 9th, 2005. (link)

-- Dan I. (w1nt3rmut...) (webmail), March 9th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

or maybe its going to get DELICIOUS
-- green uno skip card (j()nathan.william$@geeMaleDotCom)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Di it's different in the northern hemisphere. Here breasts hang down and jiggle in clockwise motions.
-- nabisco (--...), January 7th, 2003 11:37 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Word. How does that pay?
-- Jimmy Mod Has Returned With Spices And Silks (Mod...), March 9th, 2005. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Exchange in a market-sense is symptomatic of an Oedipal capitalist system I shun, sorry. I must go now
-- Felix G. (deleuz...), March 9th, 2005. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Word.
-- Jimmy Mod Has Returned With Spices And Silks (Mod...), March 9th, 2005. (later)

-- Sven Bastard (stevem7...) (webmail), March 9th, 2005. (link)

Anyway, Sven is on a roll (and Young Ones knowledge never hurts):

Pei Mei the most awesome character in any movie? Dear God, he was the tiredest cliché in the whole film. And just because a cliché character madly references other cliché characters from a million other films in which young westerners have to go to learn wisdom and secret martial arts at the hands of the mysterious master doesn't make it any less of a cliché.

-- climate of punter (climateofpunte...), March 9th, 2005. (later)

you have come bottom in the whole world

-- Sven Bastard (stevem7...), March 9th, 2005. (later)

okay, I started embellishing somewhere in that story, but it's basically true.

-- Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (spe...), March 9th, 2005 2:09 AM. (Gear!) (later)

Were you in her underwear at the time? Did you take photos?
-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), March 9th, 2005 4:23 PM. (link)

(Should we do a separate "Pwn C-Man" thread?)

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...) (webmail), March 9th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

o hell yeah, yknow lebron is scoring much trim

-- j blount (jamesbloun...) (webmail), March 9th, 2005. (link)

-- andy -- (and...) (webmail), March 9th, 2005. (link)

[paragraph-long anti-blog post; mentions masturbation]

[paragraph-long post anti- the anti-blog post; mentions pigfucking]

masturbating vs pigfucking

DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE!!

-- mark s (mar...) (webmail), March 9th, 2005 3:18 PM

-- mullygrubbr

Eden
Farsi
El Camino
Gloria
Hosanna
Ari
Doggie Wuffkins

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), March 9th, 2005 5:45 AM. (Dan Perry)

[...]

Scampers
Torii

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), March 9th, 2005 5:48 AM. (Dan Perry)

Astrid. Sounds more Danish.

-- andy -- (and...), March 9th, 2005 5:50 AM.

Danish
Chiklis
Persephone
Ansaphone
Notorious D.O.G.

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), March 9th, 2005 5:51 AM. (Dan Perry)

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), March 10th, 2005. (later)

Yeah, she's a honey aint she? I'd like to work on her linen!

-- Zarr (zar...), March 10th, 2005. (later)

I'm not sure I understand your colloquialism. I'll assume it means that you'd like to have sex with her.

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), March 10th, 2005. (later)

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), March 10th, 2005 7:55 AM. (later)

"it might be merely a form of popular music arising from and incorporating a variety of musical styles, especially rhythm and blues, country music, and gospel, originating in the United States in the 1950s and characterized by electronically amplified instrumentation, a heavily accented beat, and relatively simple phrase structure, but it increases left-side brain activity near my forehead".

-- grimly fiendish (simonmai...), March 10th, 2005 10:50 AM. (grimlord)

fuck fuck fuck!!!

-- green uno skip card (j()nathan.william$@geeMaleDotCom), March 11th, 2005 2:33 PM. (ex machina)

it goes

MM NAH NAH MMM NAH NAH NAH MMM NAH NAH AH NA NA NA NA

fuck!!!!!

-- green uno skip card (j()nathan.william$@geeMaleDotCom), March 11th, 2005 2:42 PM. (ex machina)

Don't go camping with M4rk C4stro, because he WILL decide to question your heterosexuality. And more than question it, he'll take you as a challenge. And then he'll write you notes, and eventually follow you off to college. And you won't even get a homo blowjob out of the whole deal.
-- Remy (null) (jcoombs@gmail.com), March 11th, 2005 4:55 PM. (x Jeremy) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Haha, he does that to me ALL THE TIME, without a tent in sight.
-- Matt DC (runmd...), March 11th, 2005 4:57 PM. (Matt DC) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh shit, I thought that said M4rk C4s4rotto.
-- Matt DC (runmd...), March 11th, 2005 4:57 PM. (Matt DC) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i just like a bit of banter, playful arguing, in-jokes.

-- Sven Bastard (stevem7...) (webmail), March 11th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

right.. like:

haha sven, you wee bugger. but i disagree! slappety slap to thee! DO YOU SEE??!11one

summat like that?

-- g-kit (gregkitte...) (webmail), March 11th, 2005. (link)

Niggaz with Confidence

Pitchfork's Best New Music picks.

Slskers will know what i'm talking about. If you happen to be sharing an album that earns this Pitchfork stamp of approval, the downloads increase expontentially.

Tons of people have "Pitchfork approved" mp3 collections on Soulseek.

-- Brooker Buckingham (brooker...), March 11th, 2005. (later)

I HAVE A LIST IN MY HAND OF OVER 500 PEOPLE IN THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT WITH PITCHFORK-APPROVED MP3 COLLECTIONS

-- s1ocki (slytus...), March 11th, 2005. (later)

I'm sorry, sir. How many people are on that list?

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...), March 11th, 2005. (later)

OK 50

-- s1ocki (slytus...), March 11th, 2005. (later)

5

-- s1ocki (slytus...), March 11th, 2005. (later)

OK NOBODY

-- s1ocki (slytus...), March 11th, 2005. (later)

-- sunburned and snowblind (fluxion2...), March 11th, 2005.

It's because he's incapable of being the assistant to anybody.

-- Casuistry (chri...), March 11th, 2005.

-- teeny (teen...), March 13th, 2005. (later)

-- Stewart Osborne (stewart.osborn...) (webmail), March 11th, 2005 5:12 PM. (link)

-- jel -- (freeduni...), March 13th, 2005 12:49 PM. (jel)

http://mitkadem.homestead.com/files/Genesis_PeterGabriel_live.jpg

-- I got the job because I was so mean, while somehow appearing so kind. (aaronh...), March 13th, 2005 5:07 PM.

"I need about tree fiddy."

-- Jimmy Mod Has Returned With Spices And Silks (Mod...), March 14th, 2005 3:45 AM. (ModJ) (later)

OHO! BOHO MOMO'S POMO NONO!

-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...) (webmail), March 14th, 2005 12:53 PM. (SeanC) (link)

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), March 13th, 2005 2:25 PM. (aja) (link)

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I used to lurk at Old Faithful for just this occurrence. I would then sneak up behind the offending redneck and smash his head in with a shovel, while wearing a T that read "Shovel Weilding Vigilante". Then I would explain to their tear-stained children the importance of literacy and finish their ice-cream. I have since retired.
-- saltbox and a rubber ball (MajorTomIsaJunki...) (webmail), March 14th, 2005 12:13 PM. (Speedy Gonzalas) (link)

-- just adam (adamr...), March 15th, 2005. (link)

Short Circuit 2 gets FOUR stars!!?!? WHY?!?!

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...), March 15th, 2005. (link)

It's about a robot.

-- just adam (adamr...), March 15th, 2005. (link)

-- s1ocki (slytus...), March 14th, 2005.

Do I look like some sort of Eurofaggot?

-- green uno skip card (j()nathan.william...), March 14th, 2005.

I DONT KNOW

-- s1ocki (slytus...), March 14th, 2005.

What an interesting verb.
-- Michael White (Sanmichel...), March 15th, 2005 2:04 PM. (later)

"When they started the affair he put us through emotional and mental abuse- he lied to everyone, his prior boss and co-workers, his friends, his family and himself. B--- and J--- have been in a relationship- he and her have stated that they love each other- they have put us through enough. They lie, they have ruined a family unit- 3 children and hurt their mother deeply. We have a daughter, she is 6 (5 at the time of the affair)- and he has taken her with his boss to continue this affair- while still living at home with his family. She has visited her home and said it was a small house, she has a black kitty, she has heart shaped pillows, and power puff posters (2), she has a heart lamp which glows red, lots of make-up, she does not like to eat fat things, and her daddy gave her a massage. They (B--- and J---) have been to a motel, dinner, lunch, on outings, and romantically involved. This is beyond the professional work ethics and should be recognized as such..."

The woman, naturally, walked out of the office and never returned.

-- andy -- (and...) (webmail), March 15th, 2005. (link)

silines is bad for helth

-- Pleasant Plains (acewhiske...) (webmail), August 4th, 2003. (link)

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Dan Perry's hands?

-- Lara (lara_byrn...) (webmail), August 4th, 2003. (link)

http://wizardishungry.com/hip_picks/BlackNed.jpg

strawberries: straight from nature's chooch
-- mark p (mark.p****...) March 15th, 2005

-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), March 15th, 2005 7:03 AM.

-- sunburned and snowblind (fluxion2...), March 14th, 2005 2:51 PM. (kenan)

i'd put Alex in NYC through it

-- roxymuzak (emilysu...), March 14th, 2005 3:44 PM. (roxymuzak)

In comes a heater expert and says, "Son, I have a B.A. in the study of heat. The heater is definitely not hot. I can prove it to you." The child would probably say, "Mr Expert, I don't care how many B.A.'s you have. I know that heater is hot -- I touched it! I'm not in the realm of belief, I'm in the realm of experience. Goodbye."

If you have touched the heater bar of God's love and forgiveness, if the Holy Spirit has "born witness" that you are a child of God (Romans 8:16), if you have received the Gospel with "power, the Holy Ghost and much assurance" (1 Thessalonians 1:5), you will never be shaken by a skeptic.

-- j blount (jamesbloun...) (webmail), March 16th, 2005 11:27 AM. (papa la bas)

-- mcd (srmcd...), March 16th, 2005. (mcd) (later)

This is the way to go, you see. All the cars couple up, and little doors at the front and back open up, an aisle forms, and they become trains. Those tense, rude, stressed drivers get up, stretch, and go to the buffet for a beer.

-- Momus (nick...), March 16th, 2005 3:24 PM. (Momus)

Creative writing considered as an industry

-- Sébastien Chikara (sebastie...), March 13th, 2005 4:58 AM. (Sébastien Chikara)

OMG CLOSE BRACKET BEFORE WE EXPERIENCE HULL BREACH

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), March 14th, 2005 2:15 PM. (Dan Perry)

--

Ned, in all honesty - I don't have anything against you. I'll be in LA later in the month and you wanted to meet for a drink I'd be happy to do so. I'm totally open to socialising with anyone to be honest.
-- Zarr (zar...), March 17th, 2005. (later)

-- Sven Bastard (stevem7...), March 17th, 2005. (blueski) (later)

chickenshit!

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), March 18th, 2005. (later)

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), March 18th, 2005 11:33 PM. (papa la bas) (link)

- posted on noize board by, uh, JaXon I think

-- Ther Return of the Son of Dadrockismus (dadaismu...), March 18th, 2005. (link)

-- The JaXoN 5 (jaso...), March 18th, 2005. (JasonD) (later)

-- Silky Sensor (jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj...) (webmail), March 18th, 2005. (link)

EICHMANN

-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), March 18th, 2005 12:56 PM. (Mark C)

Bill Frist and Tom DeLay and Jim Sensenbrenner and Denny Hastert and all the rest would be better off risking looking ridiculous and flying down to Florida, standing outside Terri Schiavo's room and physically restraining the poor harassed staff who may be told soon to remove her feeding tube, than standing by in Washington, helpless and tied in legislative knots, and doing nothing.

Issue whatever subpoena, call whatever witnesses, pass whatever emergency bill, but don't let this woman die.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), March 18th, 2005.

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hehehe her sub directory is "pnoonan"
-- Jimmy Mod Has Returned With Spices And Silks (Mod...), March 18th, 2005.

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...) (webmail), March 17th, 2005. (link)

Yeah just think how great "Louie Louie" and "Wooly Bully" would have been if they'd had a three-four section in the middle with harpsichord, strings, and a choir.
-- Tim Ellison (timelliso...), March 18th, 2005.

"Louie Louie" and "Wolly Bully" are both extremely boring and repetitive songs, that surely would have benefited from a few chords more and some contrasting modds.
-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), March 18th, 2005.

*pounds head on desk*

-- Keith C (kcraw91...), March 18th, 2005.

Songs that would have been way better with a harmonically and musically contrasting bridge

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), March 18th, 2005 4:11 PM. (GeirHong)

I hope someone else finds this as funny as I do.

-- The Obligatory Sourpuss (expresso222...) (webmail), March 18th, 2005 5:48 PM. (Begs2Differ)

-- mat (matlewi...), March 18th, 2005 4:35 PM.

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can i be the groupie, groovy hate fuckette?

-- nathalie barefoot in the head (stevienixe...), March 18th, 2005 4:37 PM. (stevie nixed)

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Yes. Yes you can.

-- Jimmy Mod Has Returned With Spices And Silks (Mod...), March 18th, 2005 4:39 PM. (ModJ)

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http://www-personal.umd.umich.edu/~nleclerc/smurfette.gif

-- Evil Hate Fuckette (djperr...), March 18th, 2005 4:39 PM. (Dan Perry)

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(groovy : evil :: tomayto : tomahto)

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), March 18th, 2005 4:41 PM. (Dan Perry)

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wait wait. so evil hate fuckette was originally created to subvert our surfmetal community of groovy hate fuckers. but the overwhelming grooviness of the hatefuck way of life transformed the evil hate fuckette into a groovy hate fuckette?

i don't know if i just paraphrased donnie darko or had an aneurysm. i guess it could have been both.

-- mat (matlewi...), March 18th, 2005 4:45 PM.

-- debbie base (debbie.bas...), August 22nd, 2001 8:00 PM.

-- Rickey Wright (rrricke...), March 20th, 2005. (Rrrickey) (later)

this thread has all the tell tale markings of something that should never be forgotten...
like the challenger, or that hepburn lady, or yellow cake with chocolate icing! so moist and chewy...

allison r0x0rs.
fuk yesh.

-- eedd (e...) (webmail), July 29th, 2003 2:06 PM. (link)

Hepburn was moist and chewy??????

-- Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), July 29th, 2003 2:10 PM. (Dan Perry) (link)

she is now

-- Felcher (wangchungvsah...) (webmail), July 29th, 2003 2:11 PM. (Felcher) (link)

oh god...

-- Allison (derangedduc...) (webmail), July 29th, 2003 2:15 PM. (Allison) (link)

As a dictator, however, he was right up there - let's make no mistake about it. A horrible and dangerous man - his crimes were repulsive - both towards Iran and his own people.

The difficulty comes when you have squaddies coming into the country and running riot. I met one who actually told me it was great to "liberate" Iraq because the women were no longer under islamic rule and could burn their head dress.... uhm... what an idiot. But these are the people in charge of the country now and, inevitably, Islamic extremism from neighbouring countries has now entered Iraq and made it even more unstable.

But this is getting a bit off topic - yes, Saddam was a monster. I don't think many people will miss him.

-- Zarr (zar...) (webmail), March 20th, 2005 11:33 PM. (link)

Umm, sorry you guys, but this has kinda impressed me!

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I will let you all define the meaning of this.

-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...) (webmail), July 13th, 2001. (3 trackbacks) (link)

Answers

Well, most of my farts are pretty unacceptablee, but this would probably be a blowfly which crawled out once.

-- Pete (pb1...) (webmail), July 13th, 2001. (link)

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Another man's cum. My own would be fine, if only I could just reach!

-- Nude Spock (spockcoc...) (webmail), July 13th, 2001. (link)

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Sand. When I had a four day hangover.

-- Richard Tunnicliffe (boyofbadger...) (webmail), July 13th, 2001. (link)

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I don't like this thread very much.

-- Nick (nickdastoo...) (webmail), July 13th, 2001. (link)

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What is the most unacceptable thing to ever come out of your ass?
-- mark s (mar...), March 21st, 2005.

I Love Music | New Answers | Unanswered Questions | Ask A Question
ilXor.com | >ILE
Ned | Settings | Logout

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4370601.stm

-- FranklinT (franklin...), March 22nd, 2005. (later)

Answers

was dimebag hurt?

-- dan bunnybrain (bunnybrai...), March 22nd, 2005. (later)

fuck you cailtin and natalya, elias i s mine
snacky hos

-- caty p (n...), March 22nd, 2005.

-- teeny (teen...), March 22nd, 2005 2:32 AM. (teeny)

forget the leg, look at those tits

-- Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (March 22nd, 2005 2:52 AM.

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BECOME FRIENDS WITH YOUR WIFE PLEASE
-- Victor Mackulous (adamr...), March 21st, 2005 6:41 PM. (nordicskilla)

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Yeah, if you can't be friends with your wife then what kind of person are you.
-- gygax! (gygax0...), March 21st, 2005 6:42 PM. (gygax!)

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Phil Hartman
-- Victor Mackulous (adamr...), March 21st, 2005 6:44 PM. (nordicskilla)