this is an excelsior we live in (uh ohhh oh) and these are the laugh out louds we're given (wuh ohhh oh)

"teh" is, very obviously, supposed to be "funny".

Oh! Burn!

i "like", rjg

THEY SHOULD CALL THE YEAH YEAH YEAHS THE MEH MEH MEHS!!!!
-- Professor Challenger (Brontasauru...), September 29th, 2004 3:22 PM. (ex machina)

-- Mark (r-...) (webmail), September 29th, 2004 8:56 AM. (MarkR) (later) (link)

That is odd and sad. Monterey jack and pepper jack are great. Are you sure it just doesn't have a different name? Like "fag lorry cheese" or something?
-- n/a (nu...), September 29th, 2004 2:52 PM.

-- Dr. C (Daveatcrossdee...), September 27th, 2004 5:08 PM.

I would think that urethra blockages would actually stop messes from occuring, unless the mess is now shooting out of the poor kitty's
mouth.

Is there a mental image less cute than a kitten puking piss? Maybe if said kitten was also shitting hairballs?

-- Dan Perry '08 (djperr...), September 29th, 2004. (Dan Perry)

Was this quoted for being funny or for having an annoying comma?

-- gareth (garet...), September 24th, 2001 1:00 AM.

TH1S BORED IS LIKE ESL CLASS

Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.
Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody tuesday.
Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob.

Mister city policeman sitting
Pretty little policemen in a row.
See how they fly like lucy in the sky, see how they run.
I’m crying, I’m crying.
I’m crying, I’m crying.

Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog’s eye.
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,
Boy, you been a naughty girl you let your knickers down.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob.

Sitting in an english garden waiting for the sun.
If the sun don’t come, you get a tan
From standing in the english rain.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob.

Expert textpert choking smokers,
Don’t you thing the joker laughs at you?
See how they smile like pigs in a sty,
See how they snied.
I’m crying.

Semolina pilchard, climbing up the eiffel tower.
Elementary penguin singing hari krishna.
Man, you should have seen them kicking edgar allan poe.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob.
Goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob g’goo.

sadly none of the lyrics sites give clarity on the jumper jumper stick it up your jumper issue.

If John claimed it was a meaningless morass of musings intended to trip up the hot-shots of criticism, which he did claim, that's a worthy point. But the song (like any work of art - a painting, a book, a poem) takes on extra life once it's released into the general populace. The context of existence, the effect on its audience, both add variety and complexity to the work. It is not merely a practical joke. Beyond a certain point, it is arguably folly to read too much into a song such as 'I Am The Walrus'. But you can make a stab at it nevertheless, balancing what you know of Lennon's own grasp of literary/cultural allusions with the message that, in the end, is communicated to you as the listener.

A general question: does 'I Am The Walrus' mean something different to listeners depending upon which decade they heard it? I'm really curious about this. There's a certain undercurrent of paranoia in the song, one linked to an inexpressible fear of what we quaintly used to call "the establishment" - to wit, the powers of authority, the government, schoolmasters, whatever force was pressing you down at the time. (Consider that the musical inspiration for the tune was a British police siren, as heard one day in John's drug-induced mental haze.)

But if a listener first heard this number in the mid-80s, for instance, when according to your benignly beatific government it was "morning in America" and everything was coming up roses... would that haunting element of pursuit and paranoia be entirely missing? Would the source of that creeping fear be rendered impotent? And would the song thus seem more randomly disjointed, connected to no particular apocalypse?

I think that promised apocalypse is a vital element of 'I Am The Walrus'; it gives chill meaning to the singer's words, creates a bond with the listener who must similarly be convinced that advancing chaos (political or mental) is real. Otherwise, I think, you do miss out on an essential dimension of the song, and it becomes little more than incomprehensible nonsense, or part of an unprovable practical joke (to wit, the Paul Is Dead hoax).

Looking at the lyrics of the song (as printed in Campbell and Murphy's excellent concordance Things We Said Today, Pierian Press, 1980), and reading back through the chapter in Through The Looking Glass... which deals with Humpty Dumpty, I'm more convinced than ever that 'I Am The Walrus' evolved out of a mix of Lennon's impressions of that sacred book of his childhood, his own rage against forces beyond his control, his visions from drug-tinged psychoses...but the song became even more than that.

'I Am The Walrus' gained life from its in-studio genesis and the serendipty of layered elements (viz., the King Lear broadcast) - these could not all have been intentional, but fortuitously they add extra texture to the fabric. Is it my imagination, or is 'I Am The Walrus' often left in the dust behind Lennon's other compositional gems such as 'Strawberry Fields Forever' or 'In My Life'? I've always felt that 'I Am The Walrus' deserves an equal pedestal.

It's not surprising that the lyrics reflect a great compositional link with Chapter VI of Through The Looking Glass - the chapter that deals with the inherent meaninglessness of words, the arbitrary assignment of semantic content (a theory with which the Rev. Dodgson, ie., Lewis Carroll, was familiar), word regeneration (the "portmanteau" word), and the explanation to one of Carroll's most enigmatic poems (seen first in Chapter I), Jabberwocky. Was Lennon subconsciously recalling any of this as 'I Am The Walrus' came across his mental airwaves?

The song celebrates the same linguistic chaos that Alice explores with a large, egg-shaped being called Humpty Dumpty, though *he* never admits to being an egg, per se. " `When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone, `it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less." Perhaps tracking down the *real* message behind "crabalocker" and "eggman" is thus futile. But we can guess. Is "crabalocker" some adjectival modifier of "fishwife"? Is the eggman a reference to some aberrant sexual practice, a symbol of florid fecundity, or shorthand for the nursery-rhyme character himself?

Then there are a few of Lennon's own portmanteau words: "two meanings packed up into one word", as Humpty Dumpty put it. Jabberwocky is full of them: "slithy", lithe and slimy; "mimsy", flimsy and miserable. Lennon's might be "crabalocker" (though I can't quite decipher what it must mean, other than the image of something to do with fishing, the original role of a "fishwife"...or perhaps via "crab" an elliptical reference to other shellfish, the oysters over which the walrus and the carpenter argue), and certainly "snied" (most probably an amalgam of "sneer" and "snide"). Is "eggman" one of these too? Maybe we're being too literal with metaphorical interpretations. Maybe an eggman is in fact meant to stand for the fragility of humankind against forces beyond its control?

That would fit Lennon's implication in the song's dynamic. What's really happening in the lyrics? There are fragile, breakable beings harassed by incomprehensible mental breakdowns and authority figures (policemen and corporations); it's a man trying to fathom reality out of psychotic visions. Alice stood her ground before the totality of illogic during her adventures; but the singer in 'I Am The Walrus' is losing the battle. Quite apart from its evocation of Alice's world, 'I Am The Walrus' is a perceptive word-portrait of what can happen to people under the effect of syndromes like schizophrenia.

Perhaps Lennon's experiences with hallucinogens gave him the necessary insight. The lyrics sound like the aptly-named "flight of ideas", where images succeed others at random, and where impossible things really happen ("sitting on a cornflake", etc.). Who can withstand this unpredictable world? Only "the good guy", as Lennon saw him?

Is that why he singled out the character of the Walrus, who he misinterpreted as the hero of The Walrus and the Carpenter? Because the only firm statement of identity in the whole song is the singer's declaration "I am the walrus."

Other identities are mixed: "I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together...." This "we" is also "they" of the next line: "Look how they run...." The psychotic distances himself from the group even while he is part of it, just one more dumb animal running from authoritarian weaponry, or mutely captured and herded into a pen later in the song. "Waiting for the van" sounds like a hospital or sanitorium van (with siren blaring!). The "corporation T-shirt" is another symbol of oppressive authority, the crime of "you let your face grow long" a suggestion that free emotional expression is an anathema to Big Brother.

Lennon creates some nice reverse parallelism in the next few lines. Whereas the pigs "run" and then "fly" (in the sense of "flee"), the "pretty little policeman" (to whom are they pretty?) "fly" and then "run". Here also is one of two Lennon allusions to a previous song: 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds'. But these policemen don't really "fly like Lucy in the sky"---it's an ironic contrast with the pastoral calm of the earlier work. "Lucy..." is full of non-threatening peaceful images, but that world is lost. And the singer at this point is near breaking. "I'm crying" is repeated in growingly anguished tones, four times.

The line about "yellow matter custard" is in fact part of a gruesome children's rhyme popular in Northern England; but in the context of the singer's anguish, it's a stark visual image that is all too real. Listen to the stress in Lennon's delivery at this point; death is hovering closely, no longer just a childhood fancy. And nonsense words continue to bedevil the poor protagonist. So do incongruities: under usual circumstances a priestess is a sacred role, but here the image is debased as "pornographic priestess", maybe even a demonic succubus.

John's second allusion to his own songwriting may be in the next lines. On the surface, it's more incongruity: "If the sun don't come you get a tan from standing in the English rain." Just a clever joke on the changeability of British weather? But look back at 'Rain' (1966) for a moment. There we're told that "When it rains and shines / It's just a state of mind." And the state of the singer's mind is none too stable right here; reality is inverted so that even if the sun disappears you still get the same effect.

I read the following verses as a dual attack: "Expert, textpert..." (the latter another probably portmanteau) deflects the attempts of folks (like me!) to explain what's happening in the song. However, within the song's context, these experts are more of those sneering, snide establishment folks, caught in the same trap as the desperate singer ("like pigs in a sty") but unwilling to admit that there's something real and fearsome to bewail. "...the joker laughs at you", the lyrics tell us, but in 'I Am The Walrus' pronouns usually refer to us all, not just the second person singular. And that goes for the singer himself, whose growing dementia will not be taken seriously by anyone.

More flights of ideas, more incongruity. No matter what "semolina pilchard" or "elementary penguin" refer to, we know they can't do in reality what the song *says* they're doing. Are these more expressions of the inability to link strings of logical thought, or vague references to a breakdown of respect for religion and art?

'I Am The Walrus' collapses here after the chorus into an orchestrated cacophony of weird voices (actually the Mike Sammes Singers, session vocalists hired to laugh, whoop, and mutter mysterious inappropriate messages); schizophrenics often hear disjointed voices insulting them or telling them to do things, and it's remarkable how well this passage suggests it. Even the indistinct voices of the Fabs create a hallucinogenic aura. Compare this to an antecedent: The Yardbirds' "Happenings Ten Years' Time Ago" (Nov. 1966) and listen carefully to the middle break. You even have an alternating sequence of notes that sound like the siren-wail of 'I Am The Walrus' (could this be a subconscious influence on Lennon?) as well as the raucous British-inflected laughter and commentary.

But there's another stroke of accidental genius, admixed with serendipity. The "King Lear" broadcast is a perfect final commentary on the chaos of the song. Remarkable, too when you consider that the BBC aired plenty of plays on radio and it could have been *any* random offering. Instead it was one of Shakespeare's most bleak works, in which a king looses his sense and his kingdom, in which hierarchies of social structure unravel and cause the downfall of previously-coherent men and women. The briefly-intelligible excerpts underscore the mood of the song so perfectly that it's a wonder it wasn't planned that way. The singer could easily be described as a "most poor man, made tame by fortune's blows".

And the last fade includes a reference to death, which the protagonist has feared along with his madness throughout the song: the inevitable nothingness, the last chaos. It's a masterful stroke of finality.

Does all this really exist in 'I Am The Walrus'? It's what I hear; you may hear something entirely different. And if Lennon were still with us, he'd probably deny that he meant anything at all. He wouldn't be the first artist to claim that his work had no more within it than what he intended. But what a limited view! Even Lennon admitted that he had "spasms of being intellectual." And inevitably, even Shakespeare knew that there were more things in heaven and earth - more visions, more explanations - than one man alone could dream.

Alex - you really think I wrote that in 20 minutes? It's nicked wise old saki at rec.music.beatles.

I'M CRYING.

Bible punching heavyweight
evangelistic boxing kangaroo
Orangutang and anaconda
Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse
even Pluto too

Hey diddle diddle
The cat and the fiddle
Piggy in the middle
Doo-a-poo-poo

(Stig is dead, honestly)

One man's civilization
is another man's jungle, yeah
They say revolution's in the air
I'm dancing in my underwear
'cause I don't care

Hey diddle diddle
The Cat's in the fiddle
Piggy in the middle
Doo-a-poo-poo
Doo-a-poo-poo

[The following four lines can be heard in Rutles bootlegs,
but do not appear on the released recording]

Civilizing jungle bunnies
guinea pigs including me and you
Talk about a knock-kneed frog
Second cousin to a nun living in the zoo

Walky talky man says hello, hello, hello
with his ballerina boots
you can tell he's always on his toes
Hanging on a Christmas tree
Screaming like a bogey man
getting up my nose

Hey diddle diddle
The cat and the fiddle
Piggy in the middle
Doo-a-poo-poo
a-poo-poo-poo

This little piggy went to market
This little piggy stayed home
This little piggy had roast beef
and this little piggy had none
This little piggy went
Woooo!
All the way home
(repeats, fades)

Short answer: John Lennon was TRIPPING HIS BALLS OFF when he wrote it.

I heard some old woman bumped into Lennon on the street and accused him of being obtuse in his work, so he went home and wrote I am the Walrus just to piss her off.

so you were in a rhetoric department?

"hey, are you john lennon?"

"why yes i am."

"i accuse you of being obtuse in your work."

"sorry about that, ma'am"

He was clearly fished out of the disused Capital City breadbin and is therefore a cryogenically-defrosted thrusting '80s Thatcherite goer and doer.
that was the big twist in the end Marcello, you just gave it away! He was supposed to reveal himself as some kind of time traveller sent by Thatcher to infiltrate 2000s USA to weaken it for future Britain's benefits, under the disguise of some city loser falling in love with an american record store clerk with a $60,000 income.

-- ken c (pykachu10...), September 29th, 2004 3:49 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and THEN she reveals that she was actually a terminator robot sent from the FUTURE USA to destroy this infiltrator by getting pregnant by him and then cripple him financially with support fund.
-- ken c (pykachu10...), September 29th, 2004 3:50 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At which point the cast of 'Preston Front' come in and look bemused. Alastair McGowan does his Prince Naseem impression. They leave.
-- William Bloody Swygart (thingummy9...), September 29th, 2004 3:51 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Upon which, enter Bruce Willis to reveal that Michael had dreamed the American record store clerk, who in truth had sustained fatal cerebellar injuries caused by a freak storm of frogs in 1928.
-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), September 29th, 2004 3:52 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and then Momus arrives.
-- ken c (pykachu10...), September 29th, 2004 3:52 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nono they should have a chess clock!
-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), September 29th, 2004 3:40 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Though this would deteriorate as Bush started answering points with "yo momma (ting!)".
-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), September 29th, 2004 3:42 PM.

especially Dan Selzer and Lauren's contributions.

I KISSA YOU FACE! THAT'S-A SPICY-A MEATBOLL! I GOT-A DA SHRAPNEL IN MY LEG, AY YI YI!

-- n/a (nu...) (webmail), September 30th, 2004 12:01 PM. (Nick A.) (later) (link)

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), September 30th, 2004. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes he should be the child of their bum pregnancy.

-- Tom (freakytrigge...), September 30th, 2004. (later) (link)

-- Begs2Differ (expresso222...), September 30th, 2004.

-- Nowell

-- Carey (flembac...), October 1st, 2004 8:08 PM. (Carey) (later) (link)

How do you think he became homeless?

-- why do old people and old users of ILX such bastardos (power.strik...), October 1st, 2004 8:08 PM. (deangulberry) (later) (link)

BECAUSE HE DID NOT SWEEP THE LEG.

-- Carey (flembac...), October 1st, 2004 8:11 PM. (Carey) (later) (link)

-- Maria D. (maria...), October 1st, 2004.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kerry should stand on thr lectern. And point.

-- Kevin Gilchrist (KevinGil14...), October 1st, 2004.

-- kyle (akmonda...), October 1st, 2004. (later)

i nver heard of a sweetmeats. is it like a weezer?

-- the great doxology of heckmondwike town (...), October 1st, 2004.

i went to a britain once. the blackburn, it was not good. the rawtenstall and bacup was a good though, like the shoe warehouse

-- the great doxology of heckmondwike town (...), October 1st, 2004.

i heard a terry durham record, on the train. we were near the wakefield, where he is from!!!!!!!!!!

i was going to ask, about him, about the terry durham, but then, i rememebered, he was on the mp3 player

it was an archos

-- the great doxology of heckmondwike town (...), October 1st, 2004.

by him, i mean, the conductor on the train.

the conductor on the amtrak, at a different time, said not to tell him how to do his job. he was facing the wrong way though, and didnt know of terry durham. we kept schtum though. you would have too, i know

-- the great doxology of heckmondwike town (...), October 1st, 2004.

-- The Bitter Tears Of Little Lord Travolta

- Frank Kogan quotes a friend

-- Remy (jcoomb...), October 1st, 2004 6:39 AM. (later)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
wow. i'm happy for you. now you need to get rid of your other roommate.
-- amateur!!!st (---...), October 1st, 2004 6:43 AM. (later)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
he went to san francisco with no pants on?
-- gem (gemilyinterrupte...), October 1st, 2004 6:43 AM. (later)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and a flower in his hair
-- amateur!!!st (---...), October 1st, 2004 6:44 AM. (later)

Dear Cambie St. drug dealer -
While being reluctant to question your honesty and integrity, I distinctly remember the mutually agreed-on price being '$40', not '$60', and was only dissuaded from questioning this change of arrangements by the two friends of yours who mysteriously appeared on either side of me before the deal could've been completed on the terms originally confirmed. While your appearance implies that you are in desperate need of development capital, perhaps there are more ethical ways of acquiring it. (It WAS pretty good shit though, so no biggie)

Regards,
That sucker who'd obviously only been in town for like 10 minutes

-- dave q (scrape10...), September 29th, 2004. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(NB. This is not on a specialist premium rate number.)
-- Alba (albab...), October 1st, 2004 3:34 PM. (later)

What, do people actually burst into flames and stuff?

-- Dan Perry '08 (djperr...), October 1st, 2004 12:47 PM. (Dan Perry) (later)

- ally on the debate thread

I still don't get what either of them was trying to say..

-- dave225 (right.knewi...), October 1st, 2004.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kerry was trying to say "I respect his family". Bush was trying to say "I am molesting my daughters every chance I get", at which point Kerry said "That always ends in tears, dude".

-- Dan Perry '08 (djperr...), October 1st, 2004.

roger what?
-- roger adultery (vlad62...), October 1st, 2004.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

you're an ugly cunt.
-- RJG (RJ...), October 1st, 2004.

I'd sell it at a profit and buy two more Twixes, and son on, until, I had a little empire.

-- The Bitter Tears Of Little Lord Travolta (adamr...), October 3rd, 2004. (later)

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), October 2nd, 2004. (later)

As in, "Jacques Lacan... Jacques Lacan... Jacques Lacan let me rock you, let me rock you Jacques Lacan. Jacques Lacan it's all I want to do"

(sorry)

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), October 2nd, 2004. (later)

-- frankE (frankeeeeeeee...), October 3rd, 2004.

http://ak.imgfarm.com/images/ap/VOTE_FOR_CHANGE.sff_PXC105_20041001215052.jpg

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ejaculate all over her dress - that's what Bill would do.
-- Alba (albab...), October 4th, 2004 5:08 PM. (Alba) (later)

i almost died.

Dogg: Man. Star.

-- noodle vague (noodle_vagu...) (webmail), September 30th, 2004 6:54 PM. (noodle vague) (later) (link

Ass, Hat
-- the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound@hotmail.com), October 4th, 2004 5:03 PM.

and continuing to.

RJG xxxxxxxx

-- RJG (RJ...), October 4th, 2004.

for the clothes I choose, now, I mean.

I haven't run up a great clothes debt, for my family, that they are still paying off.

-- RJG (RJ...), October 4th, 2004.

-- Wooden (josephgoode...), October 3rd, 2004 2:03 AM. (Wooden)

no, the predators did.

-- keith m (keythkeyt...), October 3rd, 2004 2:15 AM. (keithmcl)

-- Hurting (Hurtingchie...), October 4th, 2004 4:46 AM. (Hurting) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah the man's a genius. WTF!
-- Kim (grimstitc...), October 4th, 2004 5:33 AM. (Kim) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sing that song while I'm playing "Operation." The buzzer really completes it.
-- Joseph McCombs (jmccomb...), October 4th, 2004 2:07 PM. (Joseph McCombs) (later) (link)

(OK, seconded.)

CRIPS I still have a lot of reading to do and it's almost 10pm.
-- Aaron W (nineoclockdro...) (webmail), October 4th, 2004 6:44 PM. (Aaron W) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

aaron you are mistaken we are bloods
-- amateur!!!st (---...) (webmail), October 4th, 2004 6:47 PM. (amateurist) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

maybe you thought you were posting to ilm?
-- amateur!!!st (---...) (webmail), October 4th, 2004 6:47 PM. (amateurist) (later) (link)

-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...), October 4th, 2004. (later)

...i swear to god reading emocomics and indielitcomics in public are a good way to
pick up chicks in this town, whereas marmaduke compendiums have yet to yield trim.

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), October 4th, 2004.

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), October 4th, 2004. (later)

Would you love them dressed in a clown suit?

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 4th, 2004. (later)

Hmm, do you mean I would be dressed in it, or them?

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), October 4th, 2004. (later)

Oh, either way, really.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 4th, 2004. (later)

Well, then, no.

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), October 4th, 2004. (later)

Or wait, actually yes.

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), October 4th, 2004. (later)

What was the question again?

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), October 4th, 2004. (later)

Just concentrate.
-- Aimless

-- still bevens (bscrubbin(s...), October 4th, 2004.

on Veepers Creepers: The Vice Presidential Debate!

- R. Lee Ermey

-- Girolamo Savonarola (gsa...), October 5th, 2004.

-- adam. (adamr...), August 18th, 2004.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well I guess we know who has the biggest dick on this thread

-- Jimmy Mod, Man About Towne (Mod...), August 18th, 2004.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

yes, me.

-- adam. (adamr...), August 18th, 2004.

-- s1ocki

"I love Jesus."

"OMG me too! Let's breed!"

-- Gold Teeth II (fluxion2...) (webmail), October 5th, 2004 11:57 PM. (kenan) (link)

Shouldn't that be "OMG me too! Threesome!"

-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), October 5th, 2004 12:00 AM. (Ned) (link)

-- nickalicious (nickaliciou...), October 4th, 2004 12:23 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

which i think proves conclusively the fundamentally problematic cultural differences English players face abroad.
-- Brigadier Rainham Steele, Mrs (stevem7...), October 5th, 2004 2:22 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SERIOUSLY WHAT IS A BRA CONVENTION?
-- Allyzay Science Explosion (allyza...), October 5th, 2004 1:49 PM. (allyzay)

Answers
HEAVEN?
-- Dan Selzer (danselze...), October 5th, 2004 1:52 PM. (Dan Selzer)

-- Guymauve (geoff...), October 5th, 2004. (Guymauve) (later)

It's not greed, it's the fear that your friend will use your music collection to impress girls without crediting you and giving you first option.

-- Alba (albab...) (webmail), October 5th, 2004 10:15 AM. (Alba) (later) (link)

-- the music mole (colinsbarrowREMOV...) (webmail), October 5th, 2004 4:44 PM. (colin s barrow) (later) (link)

the boring college fanbase

-- Professor Challenger (Brontasauru...) (webmail), October 5th, 2004 4:46 PM. (ex machina) (later) (link)

the boring college fanb.. HEY!!!

-- the music mole (colinsbarrowREMOV...) (webmail), October 5th, 2004 4:47 PM. (colin s barrow) (later) (link)

-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), October 5th, 2004 9:53 AM. (later)

Or as we call them: whores and prisoners.

-- Forksclovetofu (forksclovetof...), October 6th, 2004 10:05 AM. (later)

Someone take his wife, please!!
-- Hayden (Pow, Pow, Pow) October 6th, 2004 11:21 AM.

Yeah, you have to really make yourself get up early. I've fallen into a pattern of getting up at 8, which sucks because normally I'm up around 6:30-7 for the gym. Which, incidentally, I don't have the energy for atm because I've had mentalist foot pain for weeks.
THIS close to strapping on my skates.

-- Core of Sphagnum (ada...), October 6th, 2004 10:35 AM. (Autumn Almanac)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

have a wank
-- gaz (mullygrubbe...), October 6th, 2004 10:38 AM. (gaz)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I ALREADY SAID MY FEET HURT.

-- Core of Sphagnum (ada...), October 6th, 2004 10:39 AM. (Autumn Almanac)

And now my coffee plunger is covered in tzatziki. I was just getting the hang of it too.

-- Core of Sphagnum (ada...), October 6th, 2004.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have them all slain.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), October 5th, 2004.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, Alex. That's your answer for everything.

-- Pleasant Plains (acewhiske...), October 5th, 2004.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

True, true.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), October 5th, 2004.

ESPECIALLY if you are also tripping and THEN have to take care of people.

Before proceeding with this story let me just state that I love mushrooms and with this one exception, have incredibly positive memories – including the one time I (a la Kenan’s friend) ate cigarettes before, according to my friends, ‘regressing to something amphibian’. (I did have people pointing and laughing the next day but all of those people were so inspired by my enjoyment that they had all ended up taking something) Having said that, disaster follows.

A group of people who I went to college with and also worked with over a few previous summers at summer camp are having a lil reunion party at my flat. I am at work but come in and find out everyone has taken mushrooms. (Note: ALL are tripping for the first time)

I also take some (well, a lot) before realizing how messed up they are (I only realized how drunk they were when I was cleaning up the next day and found massive amounts of empty bottles ranging from cheap cheap wine to beer to much hard liquor)

End up with 8 very drunk people tripping in my place. I end up having to through sheer force of will sober myself up (something I did not know was possible) to take care of everyone as:

One person starts having a bad time coz he is so drunk he wants to pass out but can’t coz he is tripping. So very scary as his eyes are rolling back and then he comes to so I’m trying to take care of him while one person is suggesting calling the cops.

While I am dealing with this, another friend decides to scream at the top of his lungs prompting a “WTF, Are you OK?” moment. Quickly discover this due to his revelation that he is filled with passion and love for me. As he is straight and dating my best friend this is a kind of a problem for him. I’m now forced to split my attention between his somewhat (to put it mildly) freaking out about this and the person passing out.

Then, the ONE sober person there, (henceforward to be known as evil bitch from hell) decides to take the tripping people into another room and force them to read the pig-head scene from ‘Lord of the Flies’* to a skinless calf’s head (long long story) that was in our freezer. Of course now the head is out of the freezer, defrosting and seriously freaking people. (My friendship with evil bitch from hell – hell, civil behavior towards -- ended that night)"

I spent my night calming down multiple severely upset people, disposing of a head and generally having a miserable time. The one semi-light moment took place when my roommate walked by with a bucket around his neck. I stop him to ask him why and he said “if I get sick so I don’t have to run to the bathroom” There was at least enuf logic there for me to feel free to wave him by and eliminate him from my group of ppl I had to take care of.

*For those who do not remember, here is the scene if you want to imagine what this did to people.

“Simon's head was tilted slightly up. His eyes could not break away and the Lord of the Flies hung in space before him.
'What are you doing out here all alone? Aren't you afraid of me?'
Simon shook.
'There isn't anyone to help you. Only me. And I'm the Beast.'
Simon's mouth labored, brought forth audible words.
'Pig's head on a stick.'
'Fancy thinking the Beast was something you could hunt and kill!' said the head. For a moment or two the forest and all the other dimly appreciated places echoed with the parody of laughter. 'You knew, didn't you? I'm part of you? Close, close, close!' "

-- H (h.arefeain...), October 6th, 2004. (later) (link)

-- pfeffernuesse (theundergroundhom...), October 5th, 2004. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

me!

-- Tous Les Garcons S'Appellent Little Lord Travolta (adamr...), October 5th, 2004. (later) (link)

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ok! i just quit though.

-- pfeffernuesse (theundergroundhom...), October 5th, 2004. (later) (link)

and this girl came by and offered to help

"hey do you need some help. oh it looks like you got it. could you open the door for me?"

"sure"

*opens*

"thanks"

*still picking up*

-- Professor Challenger (Brontasauru...), October 5th, 2004.

Answers

ILX is not your blog.

-- n/a (nu...), October 5th, 2004.

it looked as though he would write one word in big letters and then do some fancy swiggly underline.

"FUCK CHENEY"

-- amateur!!!st (---...), October 6th, 2004.

-- Towelette Pettatucci (mandeewrigh...), October 6th, 2004.

GIGGLETITS

-- jel -- (freeduni...), October 6th, 2004 3:36 PM.

-- David R. (quoteidio...), October 6th, 2004.

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My advice: learn German, time-travel to 18th century, write novel.
-- nabisco (--...), October 6th, 2004 8:52 PM. (later)

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That's your advice for everything!
-- My Dinner With Little Lord Travolta (adamr...), October 6th, 2004 8:53 PM. (later)

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Did she bring the pig to climax? How long did it take? I must know!
-- Matt DC (runmd...), October 7th, 2004 9:57 AM. (later)

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10 minutes, apparently
-- stelfox (...), October 7th, 2004 9:59 AM. (later)

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I presume the pig was nervous about having to perform for the camera.
-- Matt DC (runmd...), October 7th, 2004 10:02 AM. (later)

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Would have been quicker if she used her mouth.
I'm just saying.

-- Jarlr'mai (jimmy.parke...), October 7th, 2004 10:03 AM. (later)

how do i meet boys (95 new answers, last at 9:06 am, 28 unread)
# BOOBY TRAPS (6 new answers, last at 9:06 am, 6+ unread)

-- pfeffernuesse (theundergroundhom...), October 6th, 2004 2:07 PM. (Jody Beth Rosen) (later)

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The America is 80% Churchgoing Foundation.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 7th, 2004 1:17 PM. (later)

-- TOMBOT (shutu...) (webmail), October 7th, 2004 12:51 PM. (later) (link)

-- djdee2005 (ddrak...), October 7th, 2004 1:40 PM.

O.M.G.

gribowitz is my new hero.

just askin
-- Rob Bolton (i_like_my_vesp...), October 7th, 2004. (later)

Answers
oh yeah, i'm drunk
-- Rob Bolton (i_like_my_vesp...), October 7th, 2004. (later)

-- Howard Wine (adamr...), October 7th, 2004 3:50 PM. (later)

Or scenester chicks
-- Andrew Blood Thames (and...), October 8th, 2004 6:46 PM.

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Maybe the child inside of you has died?
-- Mark (r-...), October 8th, 2004. (later)

-- lawrence kansas (lawrence_kansa...), October 8th, 2004 8:10 AM. (later)

no need to fight ladies - there's plenty of johnson to go round
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), May 13th, 2004.

-- Thermo Thinwall (tupac.chopr...), October 8th, 2004 10:37 AM. (later) (link) (admin)

Die of nutrition.

-- Thermo Thinwall (tupac.chopr...), October 8th, 2004 10:37 AM

i wish that it was discovered that bush was jamming out to the musical stylings of Ratt during the debate.
-- Emilymv (emilyventer...), October 8th, 2004 2:50 PM. (Emilymv)

Don't say doing your wife
don't say doing your wife
Doing your....son?

-- Matt (Mat...), October 8th, 2004 7:02 AM. (Matt)

-- Leon Czolgosz (nicole.kessle...), October 8th, 2004. (later)

Princess Wombat of Crappy Town?

-- Howard Wine (adamr...), October 8th, 2004. (later)

In the later portion of the message we find more details about the organization and method of the attach. "Corinthian indecomposable Gaulle" is a clear reference to Al Queda sleeper cells along the Mediterranean -- sleeper cells that will "bind" and "Click" in anticipation of the attack. The phrase "mallow manor anyway accurate" indicates that some planning has taken place among cells in London, and the phrase "Balinese noise dearth" clearly means that Indonesian cells have been inactive in the process. (The "bodice" that follows is likely a reference to Indonesian authorities.) "Diethystilbestrol Bialystok" is a common fertilizing agent that can easily be converted into an explosive, and the latter reference to "Oppenheimer" is a clear indicator of the particular technique to be used in the conversation. "Diacritic chigger" refers to a message to follow, in Arabic, which sports many orthographic marks that cling around the associated letters something like the insects known in America as "chiggers." But most chilling of all is the obscure ending of this text -- "sanitarium messenger bottleneck" -- which clearly describes a plan to keep ambulances ("sanitarium messengers") from reaching the maimed and wounded of the attack ("bottleneck").

-- nabisco October 8th, 2004

Then, last summer, I was hanging some insulation and got to coughing from the stuff in the air, went outside and COUGHED UP THE PEN CAP, which was still black but kind of filled with stuff. It had been lodged in my throat or somewhere for almost four years.

-- miloauckerman (suspectdevic...) (webmail), October 8th, 2004 6:32 PM. (miloauckerman) (later) (link)

Wow. I don't know whether that makes you a hero or an idiot.

-- Alba (albab...) (webmail), October 8th, 2004 6:33 PM. (Alba) (later) (link)

-- Alba (albab...), October 9th, 2004. (later)

N. to thread.

-- RJG (RJ...), October 9th, 2004. (later)

RJG to obvious post...

-- CarsmileSteve (carsmilestev...), October 9th, 2004. (later)

tear to eye.

-- RJG (RJ...), October 9th, 2004. (later)

I don't mean that violently.

-- RJG (RJ...), October 9th, 2004. (later)

-- Sébastien Chikara

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), October 8th, 2004 8:39 PM.

I'm pretty sure that's a bad tattoo on her wrist.
I really can't think of a single instance where showing the front of your panties and the tiniest tuft of pubic hair is a good about-town look.

-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...), August 25th, 2004.

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dude you've never been to florida
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), August 25th, 2004.

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Houston, Washington DC, Milwaukee, Chicago, Salt Lake City, St Louis and Atlanta also have Gandhi statues. I think they are usually in connection with Martin Luther King, because of Gandhi's influence. As far as I know, though, Gandhi never visited the US (well, he was shot in 1948 - it still wasn't that easy to travel); if he had visited the statues might make more sense. The one in New York is lovely though, Alex, you're right.
-- Kevin Gilchrist (KevinGil14...), October 9th, 2004 1:02 AM. (Mr Fusion) (later)

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xpost
Getting the fuck away from NYU is what Gandhi's doing. As fast as he fucking can.
-- lemin (jlync...), October 9th, 2004 11:45 AM. (lemin) (later)

Why I run a Musicblog: Just received this in the mail:

-- the surface noise (slight return) (ele...), October 11th, 2004 2:52 PM.

-- Saint D. Mac (saintdma...), October 11th, 2004. (later)

I briefly turned into a complete prick last night by rubbishing orthodox jewish custom (the wife has to wear a fucking wig???) but luckily I had a sensitive, intelligent girlfriend to point out what a cunt I was being.
-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), October 11th, 2004 11:22 AM. (later)
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JEWISH PEOPLE HAVE TO WEAR MERKINS?!?!? OMG, WTF?!??!
-- Danger Whore (masonicboo...), October 11th, 2004 11:29 AM. (later)

(Especially considering the first time I wasn't even trying to be funny...)

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electric sound of jim is playing both sides of the fence!! i say when he comes back we turn off all the lights and get real quiet and then scare seven types of shit out of him
-- You've Got to Pick Up Every Stitch (tracerhand)

-- darin (darin...), October 11th, 2004.

-- n/a (nu...), October 12th, 2004. (later)

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But Nick, he is real! See?

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/40065000/jpg/_40065706_batman.jpg

Now who's the mormon.
-- Thermo Thinwall (tupac.chopr...), October 12th, 2004 2:11 PM. (later)

If Dusty's coaching staff can be classified as toys, then Kim's the one that got recalled for being toxic AND flammable AND a choking hazard AND a piece of crap.

-- David R. (quoteidio...), October 12th, 2004 12:37 AM. (later)

You mean the guy from Herman's Hermits?

-- Pleasant Plains (acewhiske...), October 13th, 2004 12:33 AM.

After having my marmite on toast this morning, I'd just like to say that my 'pea-sized amount for two slices' was a bit of an underestimate. A pea per slice, I think.
-- Alba (albab...), October 13th, 2004 3:18 AM.

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I'm not very good at converting spread amounts into legume sizes and should never have started on the whole project.
-- Alba (albab...), October 13th, 2004 3:20 AM

-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), October 13th, 2004 1:46 PM. (later)

nipples?

-- ken c (pykachu10...), October 13th, 2004 9:50 AM. (ken c)

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worst gay ever
-- Freelance Hiveminder (stevem7...), October 13th, 2004 10:50 AM. (blueski)

-- M. Mess-injure (mozh...), October 13th, 2004. (later)

Who is this, by the way? A new poster?

Heavens no, Melinda's been reading and posting for years, but I know she mostly lurks. And a very cool person she is!

-- adam. (adamr...), October 13th, 2004 10:24 PM.

-- Momus (nic...), October 13th, 2004 3:47 PM. (later)

!

No, she is alive and well and living in Indiana!

the one from IKEA is the best. mine finally broke after 2 years. i'm hopefully getting a car soon and thus will be buying a replacement again.

-- ken c (pykachu10...), October 13th, 2004 2:38 PM. (later)

Your new car runs on garlic?

-- Alba (albab...), October 13th, 2004 2:40 PM.

it runs on garlic presses, i attach one to the bottom of the car and they run like legs

-- ken c (pykachu10...), October 13th, 2004 2:45 PM. (later)

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), October 13th, 2004 2:33 PM. (Tuomas) (later)

Suffering rockist.

-- Alba (albab...), October 13th, 2004 2:36 PM. (Alba) (later)

-- bnw (rilke...), October 11th, 2004.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

It began when John Quincy Adams was caught in a strong breeze, and it was found that his powdered wig was not secure.

-- David R. (quoteidio...), October 11th, 2004.

-- nickalicious (nickaliciou...), October 14th, 2004. (later)

This is funny to me not just because of Nicka's deadpan delivery but also...don't you get the sense that this is like A NORMAL DAY for him?

-- Laura E (Laura.Hud$0...), October 14th, 2004 10:22 AM.

Russian Roulette?
-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), October 14th, 2004.

sickening really (all that chocolate)

-- jel -- (freeduni...), May 6th, 2004. (link)

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Nicole.

-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...), May 6th, 2004. (link)

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I am not a pokemon!

-- El Diablo Robotico (nicolew1...), May 6th, 2004. (link)

neil old
-- fact checking cuz (factcheckingcu...), October 15th, 2004 1:02 PM. (fcc)

-- nickalicious (nickaliciou...) (webmail), October 15th, 2004 2:38 PM. (nickalicious) (link)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v291/TheManthony/vma-rupaul.jpg

-- mark grout (mark.grou...), October 13th, 2004 7:56 AM. (mark grout) (later)

I tried to explain why irony can be shorthand for a way of living your life, but I probably failed. I think all of the following are examples of ways people have, by taking certain
ideals literally, behaved ironically:

--Blacks sitting at whites-only lunch counters
--Gays getting married
--William Upski Wimsatt touring "the bad parts" of every city to show how safe they are
--Kids treating adults as equals
--Chileans suing Henry Kissinger for murder

...Where pranks come in, is they dramatize the ironies that are otherwise hard to get at: like the banality of free-trade evil.

-- Pete Scholtes (pscholte...), October 14th, 2004.

808
-- B.A.R.M.S. (b4rim4_...), October 13th, 2004 5:24 PM.

1616
-- Forksclovetofu (forksclovetof...), October 13th, 2004 5:24 PM. (later) (link)

Rhythm Nation 1814
-- M@tt He1geson (matt@game[remove]informer.com)

-- Alba (albab...), September 29th, 2004.

-- Hari Ashurst (lindseyloha...), October 16th, 2004.

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), October 16th, 2004. (later)

ronan I kiss you

-- manthony m1cc1o (anthonyisrigh...), October 16th, 2004. (later)

careful, if you keep up that queer behaviour you might actually like some decent music by Christmas.

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), October 16th, 2004. (later)

-- Jazzbo (jmcga...), October 16th, 2004.

Yay! Ole! hip hip hooray!
Root canal work, happy day!
Dentist can I come in early?
Drug me up, my world is whirly!

Root canal work, yeah let's go!
Drill me fast - no! Drill me slow!
I want to hear the lovely scraping
Of steel my enamel raping

Drill me dentist, drill me good!
Go through the nerve, I wish you would!
I want to feel the agony
Of root canal work, endlessly

(I hear this as an Irving Berlin number)

-- the music mole (colinsbarrowREMOV...), October 17th, 2004 2:57 PM. (colin s barrow)

I woke up rather early this morning - or at least early for a sunday morning - and felt kinda embarrassed, because I was lying next to a half-naked girl, with whom I'd done all sorts of things I shouldn't have.

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), October 17th, 2004 3:10 PM. (Tuomas) (later)

What things should you not do with a half-naked girl? If I ever encounter one, I will need to know.
-- Ally C (allycook9...), October 17th, 2004 3:27 PM. (Ally C) (later)

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Let's say that there was nothing wrong with the things we did themselves, but the place and the timing could've been better...

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), October 17th, 2004 3:34 PM. (Tuomas) (later)

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On a traffic island, during the evening rush hour?
-- Ally C (allycook9...), October 17th, 2004 3:35 PM. (Ally C) (later)

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Oh, nothing so exciting. I won't go into detail because this thing is too fresh in the mind, and I still want to contact the girl.

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), October 17th, 2004 3:40 PM. (Tuomas) (later)

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DID YOU DO A WEE IN HER FLANGE

GARU G (GARUG@GARUG.COM), October 17th, 2004 4:21 PM. (later)

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obv. it's the bracketed bit that does it.

-- amateur!!!st (--...), August 19th, 2004.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

only cuter

-- s1ocki (slytus...), August 19th, 2004.

-- Dante

Oh Sean. Sean Sean Sean.

so one time, when i was living in philly, i and some friends of mine got drug to see some horrible play my roommate was involved in and needless to say i drank about 19 beers (this is sadly not an exxxageration) during said performance (after which i got on stage and played "the blues"...but that's another story). so afterwards we're - this is mostly people i went to college with most of whom i had since fallen out of contact with - trying to figure out where to go and there's this all night diner around the block, so we go. now, once there i'm seated next to this girl who i UTTERLY hated during college, because she was a pretentious art bitch, but who was way way hott and who had been making googly eyes at me all night because since i stopped eating and started taking lots of drugs i had somehow transmogrified into the waif-like indie boys she usually went for. so i order - insanely since my stomach was already doing the jungle gym - cheese fries and she gets a waffle. and we're exchanging banter and at one point i lean over and - drunk as a skunk - rest my head on her breasts and say, "you know, i really hate you." she just laughs. so then during the food, i start to dip my fries into her syrup. she goes, "are you sure you can handle that?" and i reply, within full earshot of the ten people around the table, "of course, you bitch...you should see the way i handle the cheese fry in my pants." stunned silence follows, before some brings up something else and we move on. then, outside the restaurant, as we're splitting up. she says to me, "so are you going to show me how you handle it?" by that point i was totally all "so what i'm drunk" and seeing my deer-like expression she says - TOTALLY DEADPAN - "your cheese fry."

so we went back to my house and fucked.

and then, i threw up on her.

THE END

-- strongo hulkington (dubplatestyl...), July 23rd, 2003.

PS Can you tell me if you have any other good songs.

-- Jyothsna Nagaraj (Jyothsna_@hotmail.com), November 15, 2003.

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Would someone send me the notes for "My Heart Will Go On" or any other well known songs.
Thanks
Armand

-- Armand (armand_sw2000@yahoo.se), November 20, 2003.

-- Ben (bennisack@yahoo.com), August 21, 2004.

early appearance of Colin and friends on that thread i think

-- mick caron (blackburn117@hotmail.com), June 13, 2004.

It's like he's so proud of surprisng them with BEN FOLD FIVE.

-- f ath (klintved...), October 17th, 2004.

I dunno, but I'm sure eggs and peeing are involved somehow.

-- A Million Talking Hot Dogs (aaronh...), October 17th, 2004.

HEY CAN I PLZ HAVE ANY SHEET MUSIC I AM A YOUNG MUSICIAM STARTING OUT AND I WOULD ABSOLUTLY LOVE IF U GUYS COULD PLZ GIVE ME SUM GR8 PIANO NOTED LYK DELTA GOODREM OR ANYTHING PLZ PLEASE ASAP THANX

-- jessica (roxy_jess_foxychick@hotmail.com), August 15, 2004.

babies
-- JaXoN (jaso...), October 18th, 2004 6:14 PM. (link)

-- phil-two (philtw...), October 18th, 2004 4:31 PM. (phil-two)

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How charming.
-- Trayce (spamspanke...), October 18th, 2004 4:36 PM. (trayce)

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eww, bacardi
-- the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound@hotmail.com), October 18th, 2004 4:36 PM. (electricsound)

Grenada and Contra scare
Panama and more
Tensions rising everywhere
But there's nothing I abhor more than

Nancy Reagan
Nancy Reagan
Nancy Reagan
PUSSY PUDDING
Nancy Reagan
Nancy Reagan
Nancy Reagan
PUSSY PUDDING

They'd shut the Oval Office door
What did you think the jellybeans were for?

Nancy Reagan
Nancy Reagan
Nancy Reagan
PUSSY PUDDING
Nancy Reagan
Nancy Reagan
Nancy Reagan
PUSSY PUDDING

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), October 18th, 2004.

look, she's obviously gagging for it. That's what you want us to say, isn't it?

I, an internet weirdo who you have never met, officially sanction your aimless philandering!

there.

-- adam. (adamr...), October 18th, 2004 9:49 PM.

Get in there for a shag before she gets to know you.
-- Lara

It's just great.

It must be really convenient having your drug dealer so close by!

-- Layna Andersen (layn...), October 18th, 2004 4:31 PM. (Layna Andersen) (later)

ok that's it. from now on I will only post durst-style on ilx. some of you may not feel it but we must all do what is in our hearts and minds. i remain in awe of the randomness and so that i may one day write the definitive durst biography it is important that i become him (as much as one can). some would argue that my musical taste is equally crackers as his so the only difference will be a lack of capital letters and absurd attempts to sound profound and serene. manthony is taking it to the next level and those will journey with me into the world of the unknown will undoubtedly reap their deserving rewards. i know some of you get where i am coming from and you know you are in my thoughts and it is you that i think of when i am alone with my darker side and fear. vote.

-- manthony m1cc1o (anthonyisrigh...), October 19th, 2004.

-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...), October 18th, 2004 3:59 AM. (Martin Skidmore)

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"Hey, fancy being objectified?"
-- Alba (albab...), October 18th, 2004 4:08 AM. (Alba)

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"Hey gurly gurl, I'd love to give you a good face fuckin' if you fancy some Tuomas lovin'."
-- Sick Mouthy (sickmouth...), October 18th, 2004 4:12 AM. (Nick Southall)

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That was "going too far" wasn't it?
-- Sick Mouthy (sickmouth...), October 18th, 2004 4:12 AM. (Nick Southall)

-- MindInRewind (brune...), October 18th, 2004 11:26 PM. (later)

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CHUCK! IF YOU EVER DO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT THE TOP 500 DANCE RECORDS OF ALL TIME YOU SHOULD INCLUDE 'NO LIMIT' AND 'THE BIRDY SONG' AND LEAVE OUT 'STRINGS OF LIFE'! THAT'D REALLY PISS PEOPLE OFF! ALRIGHT, I'M HITTING THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW!
-- the music mole (colinsbarrowREMOV...), October 19th, 2004 2:45 AM. (later)

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WAIT, HE SHOULD PUT NO DANCE RECORDS IN IT, AND ACTUALLY MAKE IT A BOOK OF RECIPES FOR COOKING FISH. FUCK THOSE SUBJECT MATTER PURISTS. SEE ALSO, A BOOK ABOUT POST PUNK WHICH IS REALLY A BASEBALL CAP.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), October 19th, 2004 10:10 AM. (later)

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), October 19th, 2004.

-- m. (mitchnet70NOSPA...), October 19th, 2004 6:55 PM. (mitchlnw) (later)

That's what happens when you suck SO much cock.

-- adam. (adamr...), October 19th, 2004 6:56 PM. (nordicskilla) (later)

I want you all to study it, then go out and form soviets.

-- Momus (nic...), October 19th, 2004 8:52 AM. (Momus)

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is that chairman roflmao?
-- mookieproof (mookieproo...), October 19th, 2004 8:54 AM. (mookieproof)

http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20041020/capt.nyy15110200408.alcs_red_sox_yankees_nyy151.jpg
-- Riot Gear!

-- Pleasant Plains (acewhiske...), October 20th, 2004 1:40 AM.

only a Rex The Dog remix can save her now
-- Freelance Hiveminder (stevem7...), October 19th, 2004.

Don't be ridiculous - she is Rex The Dog.
-- Alba (albab...), October 19th, 2004.

bugger i had a tenner on it turning out to be Whiteley
-- Freelance Hiveminder (stevem7...), October 19th, 2004.

Whitely also has a secret identity. he has killed many people and drank their blood.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), October 19th, 2004.

i KNEW he was republican...
-- Freelance Hiveminder (stevem7...), October 19th, 2004.

I read Richard Whiteley's memoirs. It didn't mention that.
-- Kevin Gilchrist (KevinGil14...), October 19th, 2004.

he's clever like that
-- Freelance Hiveminder (stevem7...), October 19th, 2004.

he believes when the killing starts he is no longer himself
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), October 19th, 2004.

Is any of this true?
-- Alba (albab...), October 19th, 2004.

all of it.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), October 19th, 2004.

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), October 20th, 2004 11:16 AM. (later)

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You spread it everywhere and get down.
-- B.A.R.M.S. (b4rim4_...), October 20th, 2004 11:17 AM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

vitalic is moisturizing like you wouldnt beleive.
-- :| (...), October 20th, 2004 11:20 AM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i think you should just start being a little more obvious with hellos and smiles, just to set a foundation for your smooth lines later. or something.

-- colette (a2lett...), October 20th, 2004 11:20 AM. (later)

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In other words, for smooth lines, use Vitalic.
-- B.A.R.M.S. (b4rim4_...), October 20th, 2004 11:23 AM. (later)

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I am all about that Alter Ego exfoliator these days.
-- Matt DC (runmd...), October 20th, 2004 11:29 AM. (later)

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Garni- *gets shot*
-- B.A.R.M.S. (b4rim4_...), October 20th, 2004 11:32 AM. (later)

http://home.comcast.net/~saellow/JANDEK.jpg

-- adam. (adamr...), October 19th, 2004. (later)

http://www.twentysix.net/update/updates/001119/box-old.jpg

some of the people at their retirement village are thinking about filing a complaint
-- manthony m1cc1o (anthonyisrigh...), October 20th, 2004.

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"dottie told me she and jessica were just good friends!"
"oh wake up, ethel."
-- manthony m1cc1o (anthonyisrigh...), October 20th, 2004.

I have a good one for this! Okay so there's this kind of cereal called "Good Friends," some kind of healthy-type plainoid cereal, and every variety has a photo on the box of two people sort of hugging up for the camera and being, you know, "Good Friends." Now look at these pictures and just tell me you don't interpret some kind of weird irony in the whole "Good Friends" formulation:

http://a1468.g.akamai.net/f/1468/580/1d/pics.drugstore.com/prodimg/86661/200.jpg

See, the guy is relaxed and comfortable. But look at the pinched dying-inside expression on the woman! She's in love with him, and he'll never see it, and she can't say a word because they're just ... "Good Friends."

http://www.zooscape.com/dataimg/zoo0042/5/150/425907.jpg

Now in this one you might assume that the guy, with his horrible fearful constipated expression, is the one secretly in love with the woman. You'd be wrong. See, look at the smug, possessive look on her face, the way she's nuzzling so comfortably in on him. You can hear him shouting, just under the skin: "I'm not with her! Don't listen to her, she's crazy! She won't stop calling!"

http://img.epinions.com/images/opti/58/51/wellNutritionDiet_FoodsAllKashi_Good_Friends-resized200.gif

Here's more of an uncomfortable success story: these two college volleyball players got very drunk last night and actually crossed the line.

http://www.shopnatural.com/product/16368.jpg

Another lesbian scenario. The black woman is the white woman's idol, see? That's how they became friends, based on the white woman's immense respect for the black woman's experience. Which was fine for a while, maybe just a little annoying, until one day in a moment of passion the white woman leans over and lays one on her "Good Friend."

Am I the only one seeing this?

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), October 20th, 2004 1:20 PM. (nabisco) (link)

-- nabisco (--...), October 20th, 2004. (later) (link)

The orange ones draw your arse up to your elbows!!!! Thats some repugnant shit!!!

-- Jamie (haslamjami...), October 20th, 2004. (later)

-- lawrence kansas (lawrence_kansa...), October 20th, 2004. (later)

-- nabisco (--...), October 20th, 2004 1:52 PM. (later)

It's their natural defense mechanism. You should crushed them up first to make sure they were dead.

-- Lifted, or, the story is 'neath my ass (fluxion2...), October 20th, 2004 1:55 PM. (later)

well yes, generally true.
however,
way too much rain giveth the potato much pain.
maketh it rot and wotnot.

-- t\'\'t

That was an accident? I just thought it was a statment of how you're on here too often.
xpost

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), October 20th, 2004 8:43 AM. (aja)

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Oh. Yeah, it was.
I actually haven't been coming on here lately. I don't got much to say.
-- Nowell (nowellkolin...), October 20th, 2004 8:44 AM.

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You sure don't "got" much to say if you can't say it correctly.
(Don't say anything about my poor spelling!)

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), October 20th, 2004 8:46 AM. (aja)

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Ok! I don't have much to say. Happy?
-- Nowell (nowellkolin...), October 20th, 2004 8:48 AM.

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Fight Club: The Thread
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 20th, 2004 8:49 AM. (Ned)

de gustibus est non disputandem bla bla bla

-- bono vox (trut...), October 20th, 2004 12:04 PM. (later)

whenever I go to my mom's to do laundry I end up taping another half-hour's worth of prime shit. As I admit on one of those posts, I'm less prone to watch it when I get the chance since they're playing '90s videos now and I don't want to risk having to see Alice In Chains or Ugly Kid Joe again in my life.

-- manthony m1cc1o (anthonyisrigh...), October 21st, 2004.
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But Ugly Kid Joe were the Good Charlotte of their day!

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 21st, 2004.
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and you're the hitler of yours! (one lame meme deserves another)

-- manthony m1cc1o (anthonyisrigh...), October 21st, 2004.
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Ugly Kid Joe -------> MUCH "punker" than Good Charlotte.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), October 21st, 2004.
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Alex In NYC ----> MUCH "more Hitler-esque" than Ned Raggett.

-- manthony m1cc1o (anthonyisrigh...), October 21st, 2004.

-- sundar subramanian (sundar_subramanian200...), October 21st, 2004.
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#1) when he plays the guitar like a muthafuckin' riot

-- manthony m1cc1o (anthonyisrigh...), October 21st, 2004.
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#2) when he pops a cap in Santo

-- The Good Dr. Bill (fadeout9...), October 21st, 2004.
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#3) DATE! RAPE! STY! LEE!

-- manthony m1cc1o (anthonyisrigh...), October 21st, 2004.

-- bulbs (michaelparkinso...), October 21st, 2004 1:43 PM. (later)

-- maura

following on from :

"Somebody I've never met but in a way I know"

today has ben a BAD (BADII, BA) day ..

scouring the sleevenotes for Megatop Phoenix i found this name in the list :

'Pete Dougherty'

The same one ? Megatop was released in 89 .. 15 years ago .. thats some serious dedication ..

mark e/ireallylovemusic

-- mark e (me@...), October 19th, 2004 6:29 AM.

-----------------------------------------

no

-- peter smith (ree...), October 19th, 2004 6:47 AM.

-----------------------------------------

ta

-- mark e (me@...), October 19th, 2004 6:52 AM.

-- Matt DC (runmd...), October 21st, 2004 3:13 AM. (Matt DC) (later)

I still think you should become a rent boy.

-- Alba (albab...), October 21st, 2004 3:14 AM. (Alba) (later)

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I'd imagine so.
-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), October 21st, 2004. (Mark C) (later)

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won't be calling HIM back then.
-- mark p (mark.p****...), October 21st, 2004.

-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), October 21st, 2004.

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And Welcome Breaks on the M62.
-- Kissing Time At The Pleasure Unit (masonicboo...), October 21st, 2004 5:15 PM. (kate) (later) (link)

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Yes. And a dog. And a hottie lady. And then we'll build a whole new world. Without ketchup!
-- JimD (ji...), October 21st, 2004 5:17 PM. (JimD) (later) (link)

-- Danger Whore (masonicboo...),

"hello"

-- Freelance Hiveminder (stevem7...), October 21st, 2004 10:21 AM. (later)

AAACCKCKCKCKCKCKKKK!!! AAACCCCKKKKK!!! MY EYES!!!!

DUDE, THAT IS THE MOST WORK UNSAFE THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!!

-- Kissing Time At The Pleasure Unit (masonicboo...), October 21st, 2004 10:23 AM. (later)

I think of it like a windsock, except it indicates which way the evening's sexual prospects are blowing. Mine, sadly, is hanging rather low at the moment.

-- briania (lyriclas...), October 21st, 2004. (later)

Aww, you'll feel better after a good cry.

-- Lukas (lukas...), October 21st, 2004. (later)

erm, x-post

-- Lukas (lukas...), October 21st, 2004. (later)

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), October 21st, 2004 2:18 PM

GENEVA - The use of robots around the home to mow lawns, vacuum floors, pull guard duty and perform other chores is set to surge sevenfold by 2007, says a new U.N. survey, which credits dropping prices for the robot boom...

dig the article's URL, too. [http://story.news.yahoo.com/[...]robots_among_us]

-- Sir Kingfish Beavis D'Azzmonch (jdsalmo...), October 21st, 2004.

-- roxymuzak (emilysu...) (webmail), October 21st, 2004 5:51 PM. (roxymuzak) (later) (link)

Okay.

-- Nowell (noelcollin...) (webmail), October 21st, 2004 5:51 PM. (Nowell) (later) (link)

Gotcha.

-- Nowell (noelcollin...) (webmail), October 21st, 2004 5:51 PM. (Nowell) (later) (link)

Fucking A. I did not mean to do that. I just pressed Submit but then I stopped it and decided to replace "Okay" with "Gotcha" but I guess it submitted "Okay" before I could stop it.

-- Nowell

-- DEATH TO THE RED SOX (fuckso...), October 22nd, 2004. (later)

Oh, I hate the Yankees.

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), October 22nd, 2004. (later)

how is this going to be feasible when there are always young children roaming freely in Boots up and down the country. you people.
-- Freelance Hiveminder (stevem7...), October 22nd, 2004 2:44 PM. (later)

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surely a child can work out how to use a vibrator steve.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), October 22nd, 2004 2:45 PM. (later)

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I'm really sorry, that's awful : (
-- Riot Gear! (drink_to_remembe...), October 22nd, 2004 6:26 AM. (Gear!) (later) (link)

I don't know what it is about this sentence - I've read it a lot, on opening and closing this thread, and I think it's absorbed comedy from the other posts, but I giggle a little every time I read it.

"Erm, they're from Africa, I've been meaning to hide them somewhere."

"They smell funny."

-- B.A.R.M.S. (b4rim4_...), October 22nd, 2004 8:28 AM. (later)

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My God, it's full of pudding.
-- Alba (albab...), October 22nd, 2004 1:03 PM. (Alba) (later)

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(That's the last transmission from Bill Cosby.)
-- Lifted, or, the story is 'neath my ass (fluxion2...), October 22nd, 2004 1:04 PM. (kenan) (later)

-- luna (lunace...), October 22nd, 2004. (later) (link)

-- joseph cotten (josephcotte...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2004 3:04 PM. (joseph cotten) (later) (link)
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"ADAM CLAYTON LOSES READING GLASSES"
"ADAM CLAYTON FINDS READING GLASSES ON OWN HEAD"

-- n/a (nu...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2004 3:06 PM. (Nick A.) (later) (link)

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"Yes"
-- Michael White (Sanmichel...), October 22nd, 2004.

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I've never heard it called "dog's teeth" before.
-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), October 22nd, 2004.

"Every Man and Every Woman Is A Star"

Though I prefer Sly Stone's more tranny inclusive . . .

"Everbody is a star"

-- Drew Daniel (mces...), October 22nd, 2004 11:44 AM. (later)

in bed

-- Loose Translation: Sexy Dancer (jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj...), October 22nd, 2004 12:46 PM. (later)

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2004 3:30 PM. (spencermfi) (link)

for tits? the euphemism

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2004 3:31 PM. (James Blount) (link)

There's a restaurant called Tits?

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2004 3:32 PM. (Dan Perry) (link)

-- Nowell (noelcollin...), October 22nd, 2004 2:41 PM. (Nowell) (later)

-- ken c (pykachu10...), October 20th, 2004. (later)

This marks "I Love WWE"'s first excelsioring.

Another cousin of mine is giving his son a gun for his 3rd birthday. They (my relatives) all believe boys should be given guns and taught how to use them as early on as possible so that they can protect themselves in this horrible evil world.
-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), October 22nd, 2004.

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Against whom? THEMSELVES?
-- David R. (quoteidio...), October 22nd, 2004.

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I think against people like me...
-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), October 22nd, 2004.

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.. and foreigners...
-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), October 22nd, 2004.

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...and the gays, of course,...
-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), October 22nd, 2004.

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.. and vampyres, which they actually believe in...
-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), October 22nd, 2004.

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... and this guy: http://www.comic-lair.com/perloriancatsbx.jpg

-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), October 22nd, 2004.

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http://www.pbs.org/frontlineworld/stories/romania/images/lestat.jpg

-- LESTAT IS NOT AFRAID OF YOU (djperr...), October 22nd, 2004.

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(xpost yikes)
-- HOWEVER LESTAT IS AFRAID OF THAT FUCKING CAT (djperr...), October 22nd, 2004.

DORKS WHO SIGN THEIR POSTS LIKE A FREAKING E-MAIL

-- chuck (drink_to_remembe...), October 22nd, 2004 7:42 PM.

-- d.arraghmac (ca...), October 23rd, 2004

WTF. Chuck, defend the indefensible.

-- Remy (jcoomb...), October 23rd, 2004 1:15 AM. (later) (link)

what, the pentameters?

-- d.arraghmac (ca...), October 23rd, 2004 1:16 AM.

-- MC Transmaniacon (natepatri...), October 22nd, 2004 12:39 PM. (later)

this is sundar "oooh i like it when my wankorama music is delivered by hair farmers who know their dadd19ths! i don't care about the really important things like funny jokes and melodies so common a 5 year old gets it! oooh! duh duh duh..."

checkmate! i win!

-- manthony m1cc1o (anthonyisrigh...), October 22nd, 2004.

---

Xpost - And you should... but only if you actually TAKE ME FUCKNG SERIOUSLY.

How long will this joke continue? I have no idea. I'm not bored of posting nonsense that gets a rise yet. Are you not bored of being the one that rises to it? Surely Ned and such like have a life to be getting on with rather than actually believing the utter toss I write on here 99% of the time? Surely?

-- Mad-Mike (madmik...), October 23rd, 2004. (later)

---

I like the implication that:

1) He is not bored of posting assholery, which sounds about right

2) Based on his stated fascination with my Friendster profile, the posts about that appear to be the 1% that isn't utter toss. Everything else, another matter.

-- caitlin (wpsal...), October 23rd, 2004.
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ugh jeans smell after a few days.

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), October 23rd, 2004.
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After the first day, they just don't feel as tight.

Ew - that sound like something some creepy paedophile would say.

-- Alba (albab...), October 23rd, 2004.
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I will not change my pants, but I will change my screen name.

-- delicious pudding (fluxion2...), October 23rd, 2004.
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I will not change my pants, but I will change my screen name.

Ew - that sounds like something some creepy paedophile would say.

-- manthony m1cc1o (anthonyisrigh...), October 23rd, 2004.
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OTP.

-- manthony m1cc1o (anthonyisrigh...)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(translation: on the pipe.)
-- manthony m1cc1o (anthonyisrigh...)

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), October 23rd, 2004.

You're one to talk!

-- roxymuzak (emilysu...), October 23rd, 2004.

-- Eisbär (llamasfu...) (webmail), October 23rd, 2004 10:47 PM. (llamasfur) (later) (link)

it is, at least in your mind, if you want it to be

-- dave q (scrape10...) (webmail), October 23rd, 2004 11:25 PM. (later) (link)

BARELY EKED OUT TRIUMPH IN COLD WAR, CAPITALIST SWINE ... NORTH KOREA IS YET TO DEPLOY THEIR NUCLEAR WEAPONS ... CUBA COMES BACK TO WORLD PROMINENCE,JOINED BY CHINA .. STUNNING BOURGEOIS STATE,WHICH,ONE BY ONE, IS SUBSUMED INTO PERMANENT REVOLUTION, OR RESOCIALIZED. WHERE IS MY BORSCHT, YANKEE PIGDOG?

WORKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE!!
WORKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE!!
WORKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE!!
&c.

-- Лееетер ван ден Хоогенбад (Леееее...), October 24th, 2004 2:40 AM. (Leee) (later) (link)

But I have another...

http://img1.imageshack.us/img1/8059/rifleman.jpg

-- Sir Kingfish Beavis D'Azzmonch (jdsalmo...) (webmail), October 24th, 2004 1:46 AM. (Kingfish) (link)

Did Bill Buckner miss the ball in 1986? I can't remember.
-- Ned Raggett

-- Ned_Ragget (ne...), October 24th, 2004. (later)

that's what i figured, calum.

-- paranoia is the hipster's disease (theundergroundhom...), October 24th, 2004. (later)

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No one will be. It's going to be awesome.
-- Alba (albab...), October 23rd, 2004.

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crotchless is all the rage in electro house circles this season.
-- stirmonster (jd_twitc...), October 23rd, 2004.

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let's hope the trend never spreads to techno
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), October 23rd, 2004.

-- luna (luna_cee...), January 22nd, 2004.

(Specifically due to context.)

-- Mad.Mike (madmik...), October 25th, 2004 10:12 PM. (later) (link)

You haven't even met her.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), October 25th, 2004 10:13 PM.

Ew. You're comparing one of the great songwriters of the 1990s with Mr Cardboard No-Talent Wanker.

I didnt know John Howard wrote musiii....get... coat..

-- Trayce (spamspanke...)

-- the music mole (colinsbarrowREMOV...), October 25th, 2004 2:30 PM. (colin s barrow)

not mustard?

-- the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound@hotmail.com), October 25th, 2004 2:31 PM. (electricsound)

i bet he can't be trusted

-- the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound@hotmail.com), October 25th, 2004 2:31 PM. (electricsound)

but imagine the women who after him lusted!

-- gem (gemilyinterrupte...), October 25th, 2004 2:34 PM. (trisk)

Perhaps he died... oh wait wrong song.

-- Trayce (spamspanke...), October 25th, 2004 2:35 PM. (trayce)

I think they'd prefer one of the boys from Busted

-- the music mole (colinsbarrowREMOV...), October 25th, 2004 2:37 PM. (colin s barrow)

i don't know i heard those boys are kinda crusted

-- gem (gemilyinterrupte...), October 25th, 2004 2:38 PM. (trisk)

And somewhat maladjusted.

-- Haaaaaitch (big.jesus.trash.ca...), October 25th, 2004 2:44 PM. (haitch)

you've got me all flustered

-- the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound@hotmail.com), October 25th, 2004 2:44 PM. (electricsound)

now i feel disgusted

-- the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound@hotmail.com), October 25th, 2004 2:45 PM. (electricsound)

This whole concept is done and dusted.

-- the music mole (colinsbarrowREMOV...), October 25th, 2004 2:47 PM. (colin s barrow)

(you can stop if you must - ed.)

-- the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound@hotmail.com), October 25th, 2004 2:48 PM. (electricsound)

Me too. And along with that, the video with the puppets.

-- Roy Williams Highlight (electrifyingmoj...), October 3rd, 2004 4:45 AM. (diamond) (66.146.211.79)
__________________________________________________________________
THEY DID WORK THINGS OUT. MICK PUSHED BRIAN INTO A POOL.

THERE, THINGS ARE WORKED OUT.

-- DEEBZ (stupidpum...), October 3rd, 2004 2:48 PM. (ddb) (68.237.78.178)

-- lauren (warmleatherett...), October 25th, 2004 10:21 AM.

*rejected*

-- Al (hoteloper...), October 25th, 2004.