EXCELSIOR, it'll pass you by, in the wink of a young girl's LOL

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I can feel Excelsior in the air tonight, oh lord, and I've been LOL all my life, etcetcetrc

Wish me luck; today i'm going to finally make a move on this girl who i've wanted to make a move on for a couple of years.

we're close friends, which is why i've held back.

whats the most disasterous way i could do this?

-- Hari Ashurst (lindseyloha...) (webmail), November 27th, 2004 6:12 AM. (Toaster) (link)

surprise nudity!

-- Gravel Puzzleworth (mostlyconnec...) (webmail), November 27th, 2004 6:13 AM. (Gregory Henry) (link)

Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Monday, 29 November 2004 09:03 (twenty-one years ago)

far too premature
-- Freelance Hiveminder (stevem7...) (webmail), October 25th, 2004. (link)

mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 29 November 2004 09:17 (twenty-one years ago)

if only the thread title mentioned circle jerk when stevem said that

ken c (ken c), Monday, 29 November 2004 11:51 (twenty-one years ago)

this, thrown up by the search function:

Playstation 2 Games - Search and Destroy (9 matching messages)

caveat: I have never ever even played Vice City. What will it do to me?

-- @d@ml (nordicskilla@*******.***), April 29th, 2004.

What Video Games Are You Wasting Your Life Away on Now? (Vol 2.) (8 matching messages)

Vice City.

-- AdamL :') (adamrl@******.***), August 3rd, 2004.

Pashmina (Pashmina), Monday, 29 November 2004 12:53 (twenty-one years ago)

hahaha!

s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 29 November 2004 13:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I dream about masturbating all the time. Often I dream about giving myself a blowjob too. But last ngiht I dreamt I had a ferrari! Twice!
-- Sick Mouthy (sickmouth...), November 13th, 2004.


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Not in a sexual way. Just to drive like a normal car. Onyl faster!
-- Sick Mouthy (sickmouth...), November 13th, 2004.

Nellie (nellskies), Monday, 29 November 2004 13:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Colin Farrell to post.

B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Monday, 29 November 2004 13:22 (twenty-one years ago)

GROW ONE BALL
-- teeny (teen...), November 29th, 2004 11:33 PM. (teeny)

nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 29 November 2004 13:33 (twenty-one years ago)

You cannot get advent candles for love nor money these days (admittedly I only tried money)
-- Archel (...@...), November 29th, 2004. (Archel) (later)

caitlin (caitlin), Monday, 29 November 2004 13:34 (twenty-one years ago)

hopefully the new thread will have more of me in it.. i never get excelsiored nowadays :(
-- ken c (pykachu10...), November 29th, 2004.


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try funny more
-- Frankenstein On Ice (stevem7...), November 29th, 2004.


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i will.. but what does that have to do with excelsioring?
-- ken c (pykachu10...), November 29th, 2004.


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i'm going to try touches of nutmeg more
-- ken c (pykachu10...), November 29th, 2004.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 29 November 2004 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow, now I really want to go to Finland! Flying squirrels and bears!
-- Kevin Gilchrist (KevinGil14...), November 29th, 2004 6:17 AM.


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Flying suqirrels are quite rare as well. There's a joke about environmentalists carrying flying squirrel droppings in their pockets and placing them in the forests they don't want to get chopped down, because flying squirrel is an endangered species, and finding it's shit in the forest is a good enough reason to preserve the area.

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), November 29th, 2004 6:20 AM.


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It's not like His Dark Materials, Kevin.
-- Sick Mouthy (sickmouth...), November 29th, 2004 6:23 AM.


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AND THAT'S A JOKE IN FINLAND? Good fucking god.
-- Sick Mouthy (sickmouth...), November 29th, 2004 6:24 AM.

Riot Gear! (Gear!), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I didn't get that one.

Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:52 (twenty-one years ago)

(Nick's comment, that is.)

Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I dreamt that I was putting on an ice skating exhibition in Toronto with Bryan, Huck and Sean...it was set to music and was beautiful...people cried...until Bryan vomited all over his tights.
-- Big Baby Bingo (formerlypoopsmcge...)

Apparently now known as (o )( o) (Thermo Thinwall), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

God, I almost excelsiored that one recently.

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I always get onto EXCELSIOR threads twice really early on, and then NEVER AGAIN. My funny is obviously timely, but lacking in stamina.

Also my favourite name for an EXCELSIOR gthread ever was Ally's when she called it the CIRCLE-JERK ROFFLE EXCELSIOR or something.

Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 29 November 2004 17:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Whoa, did the title typo get fixed, or am i crosseyed again?

mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 29 November 2004 17:17 (twenty-one years ago)

There was a typo?

Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Monday, 29 November 2004 17:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought it said "exelsior" this morn. Guess not.

mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 29 November 2004 17:19 (twenty-one years ago)

"in the wink of a young girl's LOL" sounds completely filthy to me, for some reason.

Jesus Christ, Paraplegic (Mark C), Monday, 29 November 2004 17:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Lil Jon's new single is called "Wink Yo' LOL"

miccio (miccio), Monday, 29 November 2004 17:54 (twenty-one years ago)

i want an ipod with a built-in pocket pussy

-- latebloomer (posercore24...) (webmail), November 28th, 2004. (later) (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 29 November 2004 18:14 (twenty-one years ago)

(Sorry if this was on the last one but hahahahahaha):

Is Vin Diesel going to be in the "Chronicles of Narnia" movie?
-- Nemo (jdevereux...), November 23rd, 2004.


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Yes, he's going to play Edmund.
-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), November 23rd, 2004.


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Hahah.
*villians look fearful*

"ASLAN!"

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), November 23rd, 2004.

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Monday, 29 November 2004 19:07 (twenty-one years ago)

What came first Parker Lewis or Saved by the Bell?

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...) (webmail), November 30th, 2004 6:03 PM. (Alex in SF) (later) (link)

the bell. nothing of worth predates the bell.

-- cinniblount

oops (Oops), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 00:16 (twenty-one years ago)

If crotched ponchos come back into fashion, I am going to start a war.

-- Trayce (spamspanke...) (webmail), November 30th, 2004. (later) (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 00:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Oedipus Rex!

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), November 30th, 2004 7:28 PM. (spencermfi) (later) (link)

Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 00:33 (twenty-one years ago)

If crotched ponchos come back into fashion, I am going to start a war.
-- Trayce (spamspanke...) (webmail), November 30th, 2004. (later) (link)

Well then we would have to call you General Poncho Revilla

the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 00:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Will Kanye West win the men's speed skating contest in the 2006 Winter Olympics?
-- LaRue (oumtransmission...), November 30th, 2004. (later)


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No but he'll bitch about how he should have one for his rendition of "Jesus Skates" alone.
-- Tim Finney (tfinne...), November 30th, 2004. (later)

Haibun (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 04:45 (twenty-one years ago)

i live in well street, hackney. they used to play dizzee's BIDC album in the street sometimes.

-- titchyschneider (titchyschneide...), November 30th, 2004. (later)


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Back in the days you could also leave your front door open.
-- The Game (gamestar...), November 30th, 2004. (later)

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 09:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Artists that are hardly very profilic

Speaking of lately here. If an act released 1-2 albums a year during the 70s, and now only released 1-2 albums a decade, then said act fits well into this thread in spite of a more profilic output earlier on.

Anyway, examples are:

The Blue Nile
My Bloody Valentine
Kraftwerk
Peter Gabriel
Stereo MCs
Leftfield
Stevie Wonder
Michael Jackson
Talk Talk
Scott Walker

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 30th, 2004 12:43 AM. (GeirHong) (later)

Answers

o come now, michael jackson's fairly profilic

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 30th, 2004 12:47 AM. (James Blount) (later)

...

Michael Jackson's album releases:
1979, 1982, 1987, 1991, 1995, 2001. Hardly very profilic, and likely to become even considerably less profilic during the forthcoming 10-15 years....

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 30th, 2004 12:51 AM. (GeirHong) (later)

o come now if michael jackson isn't profilic then who is?

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), November 30th, 2004 12:52 AM. (James Blount) (later)

RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 09:11 (twenty-one years ago)

i think i get that

Frankenstein On Ice (blueski), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 10:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know what you mean.

RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 10:33 (twenty-one years ago)

i think i do

Frankenstein On Ice (blueski), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 10:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Thank Harvell:

um, i went to look at a house, and as i left a girl

gareth you might want to think about legal action.

-- jess (dubplatestyl...), October 22nd, 2002.

B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 10:58 (twenty-one years ago)

1. "Heavy Metal: the Motion Picture" --- I literally have a scar on my face because of this film.....you'd think it would be worth it. It's not.

Do tell!

Well, it's a long story, but here goes. Rewind to the summer of 1981 when I was a lad all of fourteen years old. "Heavy Metal: the Motion Picture" was a highly anticipated film for m'self and my peer group -- but being only 14, the prospect of actually being able to see the film (which was rated "R" due to some arguably racy content) was daunting. In any event, somehow my friend Charlie and I conned his mother into taking us. Suffice to say, we were most gleefull. I already owned the soundtrack (I started a thread about it a while ago, I believe) and was already well on the way with being obsessed. Mrs. F (Charlie's mom) had to go run some errand before picking us up to take us to the film, so Charlie and I spent the afternoon getting all amped up -- as your average 14 yr. old is wont to do -- about the film. I believe I was actually jumping up and down on the bed (or was it a couch?), invariably air-guitaring along to some selection on the soundtrack. We hear Charlie's mom pull into the driveway. "YES! WE'RE GOING TO HEAVY METAL!" I decide that the right way to celebrate our departure is to jump from bed/couch to chair and then out the door in a manner of gymnastic flamboyance. As fate would have it, the chair on the receiving end of my jump turns out to be a folding chair. And fold it does, greatly altering my planned trajectory. My face slams down onto the corner of a protruding suitcase, basically PUNCTURING MY HEAD on the left side of face where chin fuses with cheek. I'm bleeding from my face and inside my mouth. It ain't pretty. Mrs. F sees and is horrified. "We need to get you to a hospital!" she say. "ABSOLUTELY NOT," I strenuously protest, bleeding profusely from the mouth, "WE ARE GOING TO HEAVY METAL! I'M FINE, SLAP A BAND-AID ON IT AND LET'S GO!" In an act of herculean irresponsibility, Mrs.F actually heeds my earnest demand, puts an entirely insufficient and paltry butterfly-bandaid on my exterior wound, and off we go to the movies. Over mouthfulls of bloody popcorn, I bask in the sci-firrific idiocy of the film, later claiming it to be the pinacle of my young life.

Several years later. The film in question get held up from VHS release by copyright problems and such, until about 1995 or so, when it is re-born on store shelves. In the ensuing years, the wound on my face from that afternoon has settled into a nice little scar that in all probability will be with me for the rest of my days. Since I'm scarred for life, I figure: "I should own this movie!" So, I go buy it. Having not seen it since that first viewing, I pop it in the ol' VCR and settle in for an evening of youthful reminiscence.

IT'S CRAP! The animation is pathetic, the writing is godawful, the plot is weak. Ugh. The soundtrack isn't even that stellar, in retrospect.

Anyway, that's the story.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), November 30th, 2004. (later)

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 17:04 (twenty-one years ago)

This is the first tree I have EVER had!
!!! Adam were you raised by MEERKATS?

-- Gravel Puzzleworth (mostlyconnec...), November 29th, 2004 4:09 PM. (later)


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No, JEWS!!
-- adam... (adamr...), November 29th, 2004 4:10 PM. (later)


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Close, though!
-- adam... (adamr...), November 29th, 2004 4:10 PM. (later)

Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 17:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Sickening, but unsurprising in a post-Election 2004 world where the championing of idiocy is now the norm.
-- Alex in NYC

(Alex on that thread about the reunion party for the cast of The Nanny)

Frankenstein On Ice (blueski), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)

from the same thread:

http://www.geocities.com/mteiper/pics/hitit/hititdorks.jpg

latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 18:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I learned that you shouldn't pretend boobs that aren't yours are yours.

-- Remy Snush (jcoomb...), November 30th, 2004 6:14 AM. (x Jeremy) (later)

beanz (beanz), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 18:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Dave the thread in question turned into a discussion of gigantic swelling Hulk penises so any advice was probably best avoided.

However, "never break up near a comedy-sized frying pan" is the wisest thing Mark S has ever said, and he has said many a wise thing.

-- Matt DC (runmd...), November 30th, 2004 1:05 PM.

stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 18:36 (twenty-one years ago)

mijttens arte tyeh sucxk.

-- luna (lunace...) (webmail), December 1st, 2004 12:28 AM. (luna.c) (later) (link)

actiua;l;l got socks on right now: toally abole to tup!

-- giboyeux (skowl...) (webmail), December 1st, 2004 12:29 AM. (skowly) (later) (link)

mtitn suck

-- ke[hm (ke[h...) (webmail), December 1st, 2004 12:29 AM. (later) (link)

th3e low tojight is supposeredc tgo be 32-35 - i njeedc mittenmsx fore onmce. i logv3e yoiu m,iytytenjs.

-- luna (lunace...) (webmail), December 1st, 2004 12:31 AM. (luna.c) (later) (link)

what iks thjis, kidmergatremn?> you guys are babies!! I am the aessomest ag tyuoing!

-- giboyeux (skowl...) (webmail), December 1st, 2004 12:31 AM. (skowly) (later) (link)

yyoiu area a biggg poopoyhead.

-- luna

oops (Oops), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 06:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I give up. Look it up in the Webster's 10th Collegiate dictionary or 11th, if they've gone to eleven.

-- Ken L (lauter...), December 1st, 2004 10:31 PM. (Ken L) (later) (link)

Oh, they've gone to 11, all right.

-- Sanjay McDougal (jmcunnin...), December 1st, 2004 11:03 PM. (jaymc) (later) (link)

Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 07:17 (twenty-one years ago)

hahahaha, that is fantastic sanjay!

todd swiss (eliti), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 07:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Geir, you're talking rubbish. Do you do this on purpose?

-- ailsa (ailsa_watson7...), November 30th, 2004. (ailsa) (later)


Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 09:55 (twenty-one years ago)

(edited for comic effect)

i don't really get the 'porn bloopers' trend

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), December 1st, 2004 2:38 PM. (James Blount)


"oops, missed the face"

-- MC Transmaniacon (natepatri...), December 1st, 2004 2:40 PM. (natepatrin)

Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Hahah, we had the least rock'n'roll chalet at Bowlie! Markelby or whatever he's calling himself these days got told off by security guards for playing the flute

ailsa.

Anna (Anna), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 12:16 (twenty-one years ago)

What a polite and factual thread this is.
-- Anna (Fieldingann...), December 1st, 2004.

The average lifestyle of a penguin is 15-20 years.
-- Matt DC (runmd...), December 1st, 2004.

3underscore (___), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

haha average lifestyle!

ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

.. at which point they ditch the suit and wear loafers and cardigans.

mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I had a very similar image in mind, Mark! A group of penguins going "time for a change" and heading off to the tropics or something!

3underscore (___), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 15:23 (twenty-one years ago)

courtesy of remy on the dec 1 advent calendar thread:

http://pages.prodigy.net/himirahimi/himirahimi/SantaCat.jpg

stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

mark, this is for you:

http://www.cartoonbank.com/assets/1/39698_m.gif

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

http://stuwww.tcu.edu/~akbansal/images%5Ctop%5C4tp04b.gif
Appreciated.

mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 15:56 (twenty-one years ago)


I once confessed my love woes to Isobel C4mpbell and she was sweet enough to listen and console.

-- Jesus Christ, Paraplegic (boyincorduro...), December 1st, 2004. (later)
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how *was* that hand-job?

-- CharlieNo4 (starsandheroe...), December 1st, 2004. (later)
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Like you can give a hand-job in mittens.

-- Dom Passantino (juror...), December 1st, 2004. (later)

Haibun (Begs2Differ), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 16:06 (twenty-one years ago)

hahaha

s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Cor, I fuck up my joke and still make this thread!

Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 16:18 (twenty-one years ago)

surely the fuckup is what makes it?

Frankenstein On Ice (blueski), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 16:30 (twenty-one years ago)

:(

Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't get it either way, am i missing context?

Frankenstein On Ice (blueski), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 17:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, I took it in the "polite and factual thread" (it was on the blogview thread), and then Matt DC, rather than talking of lifetimes as his fact, talking about the lifestyles of penguins. A subject I guess he knows a lot about, or something!

3underscore (___), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 17:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm pretty sure cross country skiing is a hoax that went too far.
-- Tep (icaneatglas...), December 1st, 2004

The boobs previously known as Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

this whole thread: Bud Extra -- more revolting than turkey soda??

but especially (so far):

WHY DON'T PEOPLE JUST START DOING COCAINE LIKE THE REST OF US DO AND STOP FUSSING WITH THE FUCKING ENERGY BOOZE. GET ONE GRAM.

-- Allyzay Science Explosion (allyza...), December 1st, 2004 11:28 AM. (later)


. . .


RED BULL + VODKA = ASS
SPARKS = OLDE ENGLISH + TANG
COCAINE = SLIGHTLY ASPRINY AFTERTASTE IN BACK OF THROAT
BUDWEISER = AGED DEAD PENGUINS

DOES THIS HELP

-- Allyzay Science Explosion (allyza...), December 1st, 2004 11:35 AM. (later)

luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 19:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Allyzay's on FIRE:

Fuck you people. Fuck you people so hard that your fucking eyeballs pop out and your hands fall off and I never have to hear something about goat jizz coladas ever, ever again.

-- Allyzay Science Explosion (allyza...), December 1st, 2004.

Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 20:41 (twenty-one years ago)

BEST THREAD EVER ON ILM:
That awful poster with Lennon, Elvis, Hendrix etc

n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I rather eat a Golden Girl rather than drink that brew Dan posted.

-- Je4nne ƒury (jeanneƒur...) (webmail), December 1st, 2004. (later) (link)

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Bea Arthur's ladycum tastes like jasmine blossoms.

-- pretending I'm logged out (ug...) (webmail), December 1st, 2004. (later) (link)

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Which one?

-- luna (lunace...) (webmail), December 1st, 2004. (later) (link)

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Stop having more than one ladycum, Bea Arthur.

-- Tep (icaneatglas...) (webmail), December 1st, 2004. (later) (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 20:50 (twenty-one years ago)

It's like those side-by-side two-flavor shakes Steak and Shake has! Only BIOHAZARDELICIOUS.

-- Tep (icaneatglas...), December 1st, 2004 1:14 PM. (later)

luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not sure I've ever been bowling before.

-- cis (cispontin...), December 1st, 2004 5:28 PM. (later)


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it's a bit like making love to a beautiful woman
-- Frankenstein On Ice (stevem7...), December 1st, 2004 6:26 PM. (later)


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ugh, that just reminds me of that horrible joke about women and bowling balls. which i can't actually remember properly.
-- toby (toby_insertmysurnameher...), December 1st, 2004 7:45 PM. (later)


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Is it anything to do with putting two fingers in here and a thumb at the back?
-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...), December 1st, 2004 7:57 PM. (later)


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i fear so, martin, i fear so. mdc to thread, i guess.
-- toby (toby_insertmysurnameher...), December 1st, 2004 8:20 PM. (later)


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It doesn't matter what you aim for as long as you hit the back of the alley?
-- Matt DC (runmd...), December 1st, 2004 8:49 PM. (later)


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Alley K or Alley C?
-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...), December 1st, 2004 9:56 PM. (later)

Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 21:59 (twenty-one years ago)

from spectacular failed pulling attempts:

Me: Hey.
Her: What.
Me: So, like... [Moves in.]
Her: Hey, don't, okay?
Me: Oh. Okay.

-- Haibun (expresso222...) (webmail), December 1st, 2004 4:53 PM. (Begs2Differ) (later) (link)

Unread Messages

Ouchies.

-- n/a (nu...) (webmail), December 1st, 2004 4:57 PM. (Nick A.) (later) (link)

yeah AND WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR FOURTEEN YEARS

I'd add "*rim-shot*" but, y'know, that's out too.

-- Haibun (expresso222...) (webmail), December 1st, 2004 5:02 PM. (Begs2Differ) (later) (link)

mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 22:04 (twenty-one years ago)

haha. voni and i did a pretty big trek in the himalayas a few years ago and we'd been walking/climbing for a long time (15 days or so), shitty accomadation, shitty food, no running water. we were dirty, tired, had been over a 5300m pass and i was pissing blood etc etc and we met these swedes: man & wife, dressed in identical spotless white tracksuits. dazzling blonde hair. going for a stroll in the himalayas. he was smoking a fucking pipe
-- bulbs (fan...), December 1st, 2004 9:31 AM. (bulbs)

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 2 December 2004 00:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Clearly I have missed some glorious threads today.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 2 December 2004 00:48 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread makes me think of that situation guys sometimes run into, the one where a girl is giving you head but not going down to suck on your nuts even though you'd really like her to. So you sheepishly ask, "could you suck my balls?" hoping she will, and then she does, but all you can think about is the sound of your own voice asking "could you suck my balls?".

-- Bryan (twp62y...) (webmail), December 2nd, 2004 12:05 AM. (Bryan) (later) (link)

Remy Snush (x Jeremy), Thursday, 2 December 2004 08:57 (twenty-one years ago)

okay, Bryan's one is killing me...

stevie (stevie), Thursday, 2 December 2004 09:54 (twenty-one years ago)

yep

Frankenstein On Ice (blueski), Thursday, 2 December 2004 10:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Thought it was just me on that one. Glad to know, you're never alone.

Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Thursday, 2 December 2004 10:06 (twenty-one years ago)

God. I've just remembered that pantomime sucks all the Christmas spirit from my soul and replaces it with deep deep hatred for humanity.

-- Archel (...), December 2nd, 2004. (Archel) (later)

Oh no it doesn't!

-- Rumpy Pumpkin (...), December 2nd, 2004. (rumpypumpkin) (later)

caitlin (caitlin), Thursday, 2 December 2004 12:19 (twenty-one years ago)

bryans just made me spit up on my pc. hahaha.

Big Baby Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 2 December 2004 12:38 (twenty-one years ago)

From the "what to ask J-lo in an interview" thread, this tickled me

Ask her what her favourite colour is. If she says blue, throw down your notebook and storm out.
-- Kevin Gilchrist

Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 2 December 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

"Here we see Tara Reid's nipple slowly slipping into the event horizon. Soon, it will no longer be part of the visible universe."

-- milozauckerman (wooderso...), December 1st, 2004 11:17 PM. (miloaukerman) (later)

Jesus Christ, Paraplegic (Mark C), Thursday, 2 December 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I would just like to say that Bryan doesn't get nearly enough love for being really, really funny. Cause he is.

mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 2 December 2004 15:02 (twenty-one years ago)

oh wait i thought of one...i was at at a bar when i was 21 and hanging by the side of the dance floor. Some girl came over and started grinding on me. I looked at her and gave her some ill advised pelvic thrusts. mind you i was wasted and had no idea how hard i was thrusting my crotch into her ass and she went flying headfirst into the dancefloor. needless to say, when she got up she gave me the finger and walked away. fuck you power crotch.

-- Big Baby Bingo (formerlypoopsmcge...) (webmail), December 2nd, 2004. (later) (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 December 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

that bryan anecdote is so true.

Big Baby Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 2 December 2004 15:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Bryan sounds just like American Pie's Jim.

B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Thursday, 2 December 2004 15:46 (twenty-one years ago)

spot on

Big Baby Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 2 December 2004 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Thought it was just me on that one. Glad to know, you're never alone.

you guys need to see Chris Rock's Bigger & Blacker if you haven't already. The issue comes up.

miccio (miccio), Thursday, 2 December 2004 15:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I guess I'm like Jim except for that I've never fornicated with pastry nor am I a premature ejaculator. Other than that sure.

Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 2 December 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I once somehow got roped-in to helping the ex-girlfriend and some of her colleagues accompany a small group of hospital residents to The Hexagon in Reading (Dr. C and Mark Grout will certainly know The Hexagon; strangely enough it is also the scene of some major league snooker tournaments....) to see Chas & Dave.
One of them became so excited during the performance that he began masturbating.

-- Stewart Osborne (stewart.osborn...) (webmail), December 2nd, 2004 3:47 PM. (link)


Which one, Chas or Dave?

-- NickB (nic...) (webmail), December 2nd, 2004 3:55 PM. (link)

mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 2 December 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll just post on the Mr Floppy thread under your name then, Bryan.

B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Thursday, 2 December 2004 16:16 (twenty-one years ago)

ok

Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 2 December 2004 16:18 (twenty-one years ago)

omg the bryan one

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 2 December 2004 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

?

ken c (ken c), Thursday, 2 December 2004 17:48 (twenty-one years ago)

well you see ken, women have this thing called 'menstruation', and...

Frankenstein On Ice (blueski), Thursday, 2 December 2004 17:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I would just like to say that Bryan doesn't get nearly enough love for being really, really funny. Cause he is.

Very much so. Rah for him!

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 2 December 2004 18:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I remember going to see the movie "Bad Boys" with Will Smith in the theater ('96 maybe), and the guy who sat in front of me wore a massive denim jacket with the words "Connisseur of Cunnilingus" bedazzled on the back in several brilliant colors. It blew my mind that day, and continues to now.
-- Chuckling at the Tomkat's Marquee (fiestasandsiestas[nospam...), December 2nd, 2004.

miccio (miccio), Thursday, 2 December 2004 20:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I worked retail a long time and was forced to listen to the same piped-in songs day after day, allowing me to really analyze bad songs that I'd switch off if given the chance.
The two most offensively asinine lyrics I've heard were "Drops of Jupiter" by Train and "Fly away" by Lenny Kravitz. The bits that annoyed me most were the astronomically inept references to our home galaxy, The Milky Way.

Train, "Drops of Jupiter"
Tell me did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the milky way?

Lenny Kravitz, "Fly Away"
Let’s go and see the stars
The milky way or even mars

DUDES: WE'RE ALREADY IN THE MILKY WAY.

-- Klamm (VampireSubmareen...), November 30th, 2004.

stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 2 December 2004 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan, did your wife go to school at the Overlook Hotel by chance?

-- mark p (mark.p****...) (webmail), December 2nd, 2004. (later) (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 December 2004 20:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Hang on, Barima! I've never experienced any Mr Floppy action so DON'T post over there as me, ok? I thought about it and I'm not Jim. I'm more like Steve Martin's character in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, or at least I'd like to be.

Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 2 December 2004 21:35 (twenty-one years ago)

well you see ken, women have this thing called 'menstruation', and...

that explains it then.

ken c (ken c), Thursday, 2 December 2004 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

menstruation, and a touch of nutmeg. genius

ken c (ken c), Thursday, 2 December 2004 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

this is def a 'just me' one but:

while in high school a friend of mine had a bit in the oc register every week where they have teens review current films... she tapped me to write it for her, once, for the film Star Trek: Insurrection. My review was, "Star Trek: Insurrection? Star Trek: Indigestion. Go back to Reading Rainbow, Mr. Burton."
-firstworldman

John (jdahlem), Thursday, 2 December 2004 21:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I did a voice over for a late-night tv commercial in Denver in the early 90s.

-- luna (lunace...) (webmail), December 2nd, 2004. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"the extra e is for extra pee"

-- Haibun (expresso222...) (webmail), December 2nd, 2004. (later) (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 December 2004 21:59 (twenty-one years ago)

If given large enough amounts that I end up tripping off the curb into oncoming traffic or inadvertently walk into trees/telephone poles, almost any alcohol can give me a headache. That's why I have my Bill Holden drinking helmet for those special nights.

-- Michael White (Sanmichel...), December 3rd, 2004. (Hereward) (later)

tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Friday, 3 December 2004 00:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Ratherism or Dylanism?
"If you believe that, folks, then you'll believe rocks can grow."

"New York Times said it was the coldest winter in seventeen years; I didn't feel so cold then. "

"His lead is as thin as turnip soup."

"Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail, the sky cracked its poems in naked wonder."

"sweeping through the South like a big wheel through a cotton field."

"The pump don't work 'cause the vandals took the handles "

"he's got his back to the wall, his shirttails on fire and the bill collector's at the door."

"your cracked country lips, i still wish to kiss, as to be by
the strength of your skin"

"If a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a handgun."

"Paupers change possessions, each one wishing for what the other has got "

"We don't know what to do. We don't know whether to wind a watch or bark at the moon."


-- m.e.a. (flpyrw...), December 2nd, 2004 6:22 PM. (m.e.a.) (later)

cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 3 December 2004 01:06 (twenty-one years ago)

haha!

miccio (miccio), Friday, 3 December 2004 01:14 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm really really gonna miss dan rather

cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 3 December 2004 01:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Courage, Mr. Blount.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 December 2004 01:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Trying to remember which records Bill Laswell has produced is like trying to remember which aged celebrities have died and which you only think died.

-- Ken L (lauter...), December 3rd, 2004 8:21 PM. (Ken L) (later)


(I don't agree but it gave me the LOL...)

I Am Curious (George) (Rock Hardy), Friday, 3 December 2004 03:06 (twenty-one years ago)

All of Hari's recent addition to the marissa marchant thread, but especially this one:

From: "marissa marchant"
To: "Emily Davidson"
CC: "marissa marchant"
Subject: Re: Your music is amazing
Date: Thu, 2 Dec 2004 13:36:42 -0500


thankyou, I really appreciate it...you are doing the right thing by giving more money to people without legs...the world doesn't need artist or great musicians....they need legs more...
you are right....bye, merry merry Marissa

-- Hari Ashurst (lindseyloha...), December 2nd, 2004 6:52 PM. (later) (link)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THEY NEED LEGS MORE
-- roxymuzak (emilysu...), December 3rd, 2004 7:11 PM. (later) (link)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

don't poke la colmena.
-- cºzen (skiplevel...), December 3rd, 2004 7:13 PM. (later) (link)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

YOU SHOULD QUIT TRAUMATIZING WOMEN WITH SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. THEY NEED LEGS MORE. I SHOULD KNOW, I'M A MEDICAL DOCTOR. I OWN A MANSION AND A YACHT.
-- It's hard to kill a horse with a flute (aaronh...), December 3rd, 2004 10:08 PM. (later) (link)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

they...need...legs...more...omg
-- Allyzay Science Explosion (allyza...), December 3rd, 2004 10:19 PM. (later) (link)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE
-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...)

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 3 December 2004 03:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Fooey on me for missing that one. I hate it when I have to actually WORK at work!

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 December 2004 03:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Ned, the conversation took place two minutes ago.

Allyzay Needs Legs More (allyzay), Friday, 3 December 2004 03:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Then fooey on me for missing that one anyway!

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 December 2004 03:40 (twenty-one years ago)

"Allyzay lyrics of "Do they know it's Christmas" here (9 new answers)
-- t\'\'t (phon...), November 17th, 2004.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She gets fucked at the Vibe awards! (43 new answers, last at 5:29 pm)

-- wetmink (minksof...), November 17th, 2004.

i'm sorry, i laughed, Friday, 3 December 2004 04:20 (twenty-one years ago)

wait wtf is that?

Allyzay Needs Legs More (allyzay), Friday, 3 December 2004 04:24 (twenty-one years ago)

The 'misread title' thread, I think.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 December 2004 04:25 (twenty-one years ago)

from the 'misreading threads' thread.
I did guffaw, so i'm duty bound..etc.

i'm sorry, i laughed, Friday, 3 December 2004 04:26 (twenty-one years ago)

now I'm sad there isn't actually a thread about my lyrics to do they know it's christmas :(

Allyzay Needs Legs More (allyzay), Friday, 3 December 2004 04:28 (twenty-one years ago)

This is the post where I ask Ally to please rewrite the lyrics to that song and/or choose a better range of vocalists and post it as a thread. (IE, opening couplet sung by Ornaldo Bloomps as Adam Ant and Johnny Depp as Bowie)

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 December 2004 04:32 (twenty-one years ago)

And where can these lyrics be read?

Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 3 December 2004 04:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I haven't written them yet, but I will.

Allyzay Needs Legs More (allyzay), Friday, 3 December 2004 04:35 (twenty-one years ago)

semi-old

Also, don't ever do a google img search for "macho man." They are not all the clothed Randy Savage.
-- deanomgwtf!!!p%3Fmsgid%3D4581997 (ilx_omg_wt...), May 21st, 2004

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 3 December 2004 04:55 (twenty-one years ago)

get one hobby
-- roxymuzak (emilysu...), December 3rd, 2004 4:02 PM. (roxymuzak)


(I'm sorry, the "get one ___" joke is forever making me lose my sheiit)

Trayce (trayce), Friday, 3 December 2004 05:08 (twenty-one years ago)

"If a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a handgun."

Wonkette had the best quip about this:

http://www.wonkette.com/politics/dc/dan-who-026263.php

o. nate (onate), Friday, 3 December 2004 05:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Ken C's from the stop _________ and go get laid thread was my favourite:
replying with "inserting something into the blank"
-- ken c (pykachu10...), December 2nd, 2004 11:06 AM. (ken c) (later)

Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 3 December 2004 05:59 (twenty-one years ago)

two weeks pass...
surely milk and lemon would make GOTHIC YOGURT?
-- teeny (teen...), December 21st, 2004 3:50 PM. (teeny)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You would also need a gothic culture for that.
-- the music mole (colinsbarrowREMOV...), December 21st, 2004 3:51 PM. (colin s barrow)

Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 21 December 2004 04:57 (twenty years ago)

are those ladies' boots? that pic vaguely suggests that urkel may be starring in the next "mad max" movie.
-- Emilymv (emilyventer...), December 21st, 2004 1:15 PM. (Emilymv)

nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 21 December 2004 18:22 (twenty years ago)

I think there should be a final verse where Rudolph says "oh so *now* you all like me now that I'm successful, but you never even gave me the time of day when I was just a red-nosed reindeer. Well you can all just FUCK OFF"
-- rener

the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 21 December 2004 20:11 (twenty years ago)

Gothic food

http://www.99w.com/evilsam/ff/dennys.jpg

-- donut christ (do...), December 21st, 2004.

youn, Tuesday, 21 December 2004 20:38 (twenty years ago)

This year ILM crashed on a weekend
Laptop Gheto Boys go Fripper-treating

-- Ken L (lauter...), December 22nd, 2004.

etc, Wednesday, 22 December 2004 05:17 (twenty years ago)

"People like Clay Aiken are exactly the proof that Christianity does not provide solutions to real problems."
http://www.etext.org/Politics/MIM/bookstore/music/pop/clayaiken.html


-- Joseph McCombs (jmccomb...), December 22nd, 2004.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 17:25 (twenty years ago)

They also review the Rolling Stones' Hot Rocks:

Another song with a positive spin to it is "Gimme Shelter" which is about war, rape and murder.
-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), December 22nd, 2004.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 18:37 (twenty years ago)

ned do you hate aquabuffy?

-- mark s (mar...) (webmail), March 25th, 2003. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 18:47 (twenty years ago)

my hot snakes cd is forever warped from bong water
-- TITS.JPG (jonathan.william...), December 22nd, 2004.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 18:48 (twenty years ago)

haha put that one in the FAQ.

teeny (teeny), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 18:59 (twenty years ago)

I am not that annoyed anymore, but you know, you can't just go making up slang terms that don't make sense and then telling people they give bad head. Seriously, what does "play the harmonica" mean? I can't think of anything it could mean.

-- Cathy (cathyleec...) (webmail), September 2nd, 2004. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Think of what you'd do while playing a harmonica and then replace the harmonica with a dick.

[...]

-- Allyzay Science Explosion (allyza...) (webmail), September 2nd, 2004. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 19:39 (twenty years ago)

from the great I Love Baseball thread entitled "Indie Guilt Bermanisms":

Jeff Anal Kent
[snip]
Rafael in the Palmeiroplane Over the Sea

-- Leeeter van den Hoogenband (leeeee@gmail.kom), December 22nd, 2004.

Haibun (Begs2Differ), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 20:40 (twenty years ago)

hahahaha

mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 20:49 (twenty years ago)

That whole thread is phenomenal.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 20:51 (twenty years ago)

Think of what you'd do while playing a harmonica and then replace the harmonica with a dick.

[...]

-- Allyzay Science Explosion (allyza...) (webmail), September 2nd, 2004. (link)

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), December 22nd, 2004 7:39 PM. (Dan Perry) (link)


this brings to mind an informercial of some kind: "we've secretly replaced his favorite harmonica with a dick. let's check in on him now and see what happens."

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 20:54 (twenty years ago)

Worst Blues Traveller concert ever.

Huk-L, Wednesday, 22 December 2004 20:59 (twenty years ago)

It's lipsmackingly good.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 21:00 (twenty years ago)

Go eat a band of dicks.

Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 21:02 (twenty years ago)

I bet John Popper can suck the fuck out of a dick though. For real. He's got such big meaty lips.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 21:05 (twenty years ago)

He can make it sing...like a harmonica!

Huk-L, Wednesday, 22 December 2004 21:06 (twenty years ago)

Ew ew ew!

Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 21:36 (twenty years ago)

Well, it appears to be a tin of homemade jam with child's handwriting on it. So I doubt it.

-- Dial Rat For Terror (adamr...), December 22nd, 2004 5:20 AM. (nordicskilla)

Oh, if that's the case, you're totally fine. She probably just gives those jars of jam to everyone she knows -- she's not going out of her way at all; you're just another person to unload them on.

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), December 22nd, 2004 5:24 AM. (jaymc)

maybe it's jam made from children.

-- mark p (mark.p****...), December 22nd, 2004 5:25 AM. (Mark P)

But...I left the UK to escape from that kind of thing.

-- Dial Rat For Terror (adamr...), December 22nd, 2004 5:27 AM. (nordicskilla)

Yeah, British children jam is too sweet.

-- Michael White (Sanmichel...), December 22nd, 2004 5:30 AM. (Hereward)

Whereas American children jam has the faint aftertaste of happy meal.

-- mark p (mark.p****...), December 22nd, 2004 5:31 AM. (Mark P)

Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 23:32 (twenty years ago)

this brings to mind an informercial of some kind: "we've secretly replaced his favorite harmonica with a dick. let's check in on him now and see what happens."

-- Amateur(ist) (amateurist@gmail.com), December 22nd, 2004 3:54 PM. (Amateur(ist))

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Worst Blues Traveller concert ever.
-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), December 22nd, 2004 3:59 PM.

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 23 December 2004 00:26 (twenty years ago)

I never bought into the training bras thing. When I was about twelve, I got slutty hand-me-down bras from my cousin and they were just fine, and I don't feel as though I'm untrained/uneducated in that area at all.

-- kirsten (kickyouintheshin...), December 17th, 2003 9:53 PM.


Surely the best way to learn is with the real thing?

-- Andrew (n...), December 17th, 2003 9:54 PM.


i thought they existed for the purpose of getting one used to wearing one before they're actually *necessary* in a support role.

-- the surface noise (electricsoun...), December 17th, 2003 9:55 PM.


But if theyre not neccesary, dont wear them! I can get away without one a lot of the time and I'm damn glad about it, I can tell you. I hate the things.

-- Trayce (trayc...), December 17th, 2003 9:57 PM.


I thought they were for when you don't need support as such but are mature (and shy) enough not to want people seeing yr nipples through thin school blouses, in the changing room, etc.

-- isadora (issadora9...), December 17th, 2003 9:58 PM.


Is anyone else as turned on as I am?

-- may pang (pange...), December 17th, 2003 10:04 PM.

nabiscothingy (nory), Thursday, 23 December 2004 08:06 (twenty years ago)

£22 million in Northern Ireland notes has been stolen in the biggest armed robbery ever in Britain or Ireland. But how will the robbers launder the money? And should the British government just decide that Northern Irish notes are no longer legal tender, and give everyone two weeks to trade theirs for "real" money in the hopes of leaving the robbers with a lock-up full of worthless paper?
-- accentmonkey, December 22nd, 2004 4:26 AM.

Answers

that's a silly idea.
-- ken c, December 22nd, 2004 4:30 AM.

go for it.
-- mark grout, December 22nd, 2004 4:31 AM.

apparently they're planning to spend it all on yet more copies of Band Aid 20
-- Frankenstein On Ice, December 22nd, 2004 4:31 AM.

Adamdrome Crankypants (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 23 December 2004 11:15 (twenty years ago)

Whatever happened to may pang? S/he was great.

n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 23 December 2004 15:17 (twenty years ago)

He, i believe.

mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 23 December 2004 15:37 (twenty years ago)

intense vaginal volume??????????

-- luna (luna_cee...) (webmail), September 2nd, 2004. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TURN IT UP, YO

-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...) (webmail), September 2nd, 2004. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 23 December 2004 16:22 (twenty years ago)

I thought it was time to give readers a more in-depth look into the vagina

Charming.

-- Alba (albab...) (webmail), September 2nd, 2004. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 23 December 2004 17:19 (twenty years ago)

Discussing the new Bloc Party album....






all over slsk, as we speak.

anyone heard it yet?

-- piscesboy (piscesxx...), December 21st, 2004.
Answers
no, but the front cover is super ice cool
http://rateyourmusic.com/view_album_details/album_id_is_210605


-- DJ Martian (altmartinu...), December 21st, 2004.

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 23 December 2004 22:51 (twenty years ago)

That thread is so insanely good.

Yeah, hstencil. You know all those times people said "say hello to my little friend" - did you not notice that they were always waving their genitals at you and there was no 'friend'.

-- Alba (albab...), September 3rd, 2004.

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Friday, 24 December 2004 03:09 (twenty years ago)

NEED IMMEDIATE ROB BASE HELP thread

donut christ (donut), Saturday, 25 December 2004 02:12 (twenty years ago)

Worst Music to Find Yrself Fucking to

They Might Be Giants

-- Ian Moraine (eastern_mantr...), December 24th, 2004.

youn, Saturday, 25 December 2004 04:37 (twenty years ago)

http://image.lik-sang.com/content/psp/psp-nds-chat.jpg

latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 26 December 2004 06:57 (twenty years ago)

Good or bad - no kid is going to want to sit through Introducing, man!
many x-post
-- Thermo Thinwall (tupac.chopr...), December 23rd, 2004 11:59 AM. (Thermo Thinwall) (link)

They will if Russ sends them fake goatees to stroke while they listen to it.
-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), December 23rd, 2004 12:00 PM.

milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Sunday, 26 December 2004 08:32 (twenty years ago)

iPost a picture of the last stranger who friendster/myspaced u

latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 26 December 2004 09:25 (twenty years ago)

how can i email missy eillot?

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 December 2004 15:37 (twenty years ago)

Was it the NY Times Magazine? Chuck Klosterman had an odd joint tribute for Gray and Mary-Ellis Bunim (Real World producer), in which he proposes that the confessional monologuist Gray is the father of reality television.

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...) (webmail), December 27th, 2004. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ah, klosterman, ever the dumbass.
-- s1ocki (slytus...) (webmail), December 27th, 2004. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 December 2004 15:53 (twenty years ago)

i know like dick-all about napoleon

latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 27 December 2004 19:03 (twenty years ago)

because i don't want mentalists perving on my ladyfriend ;)

-- Frankenstein On Ice (stevem7...), December 23rd, 2004.

ha, like that'll stop us!

-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...), December 23rd, 2004.

them, stop them, I mean!

-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...), December 23rd, 2004.

Pleasant/Plains, Monday, 27 December 2004 21:34 (twenty years ago)

Why not actually get off your butt, LEAVE YOUR COMPUTER, go to a store (remember those?) and BUY THE RECORD! Kurt Ralske could surely use the cash these days.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), December 28th, 2004.

**%@, Tuesday, 28 December 2004 14:26 (twenty years ago)

from www.folkthesystem.com
This event is a Pan-European celebration, with Germanic, Slavic, Mediterranean and Celtic Comrades joining together in racial unity. Please leave narrow National prejudices outside. We will have skins, metallers, rockabillies and others. Our only uniform is our skin! Adherents of all Pro-White political organizations are welcome. Leave differences at home.

[...]

-- contribute (a...) (webmail), November 27th, 2004. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

wow that's like a racist plur!

-- s1ocki (slytus...) (webmail), November 27th, 2004. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 December 2004 16:44 (twenty years ago)

BURN IN HELL, FAMOUS JERKOFF
-- LSTD (answer) (jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj@jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj.com), December 29th, 2004 10:30 AM. (sexyDancer)

n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 16:34 (twenty years ago)

RIP!

http://www.nba.com/media/pistons/hamilton_170_030423.jpg

-- Leon the Fratboy (nicole.kessle...), December 29th, 2004 11:24 AM. (Ex Leon)

mookieproof (mookieproof), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 17:03 (twenty years ago)

I need that one explained to me, who does not follow basketball much.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 17:20 (twenty years ago)

oh, that guy (richard hamilton).. his nickname is rip hamilton.

phil-two (phil-two), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 17:21 (twenty years ago)

Thank you, I have clarity. :-)

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 17:29 (twenty years ago)

Oh, great... MORE sensitivity. I lose it over stuffed bell peppers for crying out...
-- andy (and...), December 29th, 2004.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[later]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm still kind of staring in horror at Andy's post.
-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), December 29th, 2004.

donut christ (donut), Thursday, 30 December 2004 02:44 (twenty years ago)

(that was from the "penis hat" thread)

donut christ (donut), Thursday, 30 December 2004 02:44 (twenty years ago)

Hahah thats great! I esp love db's little editorial [later] there ;)

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 30 December 2004 03:22 (twenty years ago)

i don't think i need a pocket pussy, i already have a pussy, and as it is snug between my legs i do not need a pocket.

PAGING BAM MARGERA. I AM HORNY, PLEASE HELP ME COMMISERATE. BRING YOUR PENIS.

-- The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylure...), December 29th, 2004.

[These were both in the same post, people.]

Haibun (Begs2Differ), Thursday, 30 December 2004 03:40 (twenty years ago)

I called 411 a couple weeks ago because I wanted to make an appointment for a haircut and I didn't have the number with me, and when I told the operator I wanted ORBIT HAIR SALON, he laughed at me. I said, "What's so funny?" "Nothing, just ... I just had a flashback to a time when a couple buddies of mine got their hair cut. This was a while ago, and they had pretty long hair. Ha ha." "Er, yes ... How about that number?"
WTF?

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), December 30th, 2004 12:10 PM. (jaymc)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 30 December 2004 18:14 (twenty years ago)

RFI: Why Does Ulysses Get All Yessed Out In The Last Chapter?

stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 30 December 2004 18:54 (twenty years ago)

My favorites (as in, the people I want to kill to death with deadly vengeance) are the people who are either A) obviously not paying attention to what you're asking them, or B) completely lost in their shells. For instance...
DUDE: Yeah, this is [barely intelligible hillbillyspeak, the closest I can guess is MELCHISS], I need me a copy of my fleet card for my trucks.

MOI: What's the name of your company, sir?

DUDE: CALL A LAMB A DING DONG

MOI: Um, could you spell that for me? I'm having trouble bringing it up.

DUDE: Yessir.

MOI: [brief pause] Come again, sir?

DUDE: What?

MOI: Could you please spell the name of your company for me?

DUDE: [finally!] SEE OH EL OH EN WHY...[disturbingly long pause] INCORPORATED

-- nickalicious (nickaliciou...)


Esp. the "CALL A LAMB A DING DONG."

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Thursday, 30 December 2004 19:09 (twenty years ago)

So lambs are creamy on the inside and coated with preservatives?

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 December 2004 19:12 (twenty years ago)

Well, duh!

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 30 December 2004 19:12 (twenty years ago)

This is old as hell but I just ran up against it again:

http://webpages.charter.net/cmvenuti/images/nedbeach.jpg

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Thursday, 30 December 2004 22:27 (twenty years ago)

A truly stellar moment.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 December 2004 22:28 (twenty years ago)

Does anyone else here think that Hughes just wasn't that interesting a character in the first place? I mean - a nutty rich guy who's into aeronautics and big tits?
-- Jay Vee (ziut...), December 30th, 2004.

teehee, Thursday, 30 December 2004 23:52 (twenty years ago)

Literally, LOL.

2004, where did you go?

-- cºzen (skiplevel...), December 30th, 2004.

Clever use of a comma, well done.

-- jel -- (freeduni...), December 30th, 2004.

It doesn't take much to amuse me.

youn, Thursday, 30 December 2004 23:53 (twenty years ago)

From 'I keep nearly (accidentally) running my ex-girlfriend over'

does anybody else have this problem?

-- Hari Ashurst (lindseyloha...), December 31st, 2004.

...

Basically, my advice = move.

-- roxymuzak (emilysu...), December 31st, 2004.

aw hi!

-- ken c (pykachu10...), December 31st, 2004.

sorry.. derailing the thread a bit just then

-- ken c (pykachu10...), December 31st, 2004.

(hi dere, long island sucks!)

-- roxymuzak (emilysu...), December 31st, 2004.

(aw.. it's long though at least! and they make funny tasting ice tea - i never had it on long island!)

-- ken c (pykachu10...), December 31st, 2004.

(what is this?)

-- Hari Ashurst (lindseyloha...), December 31st, 2004.

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Saturday, 1 January 2005 22:17 (twenty years ago)

Hari is just generally great lately, actually.

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Saturday, 1 January 2005 22:22 (twenty years ago)

"lately"

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 1 January 2005 22:28 (twenty years ago)

compliments cause a nasty chain reaction in my sweat glands and now i have to change again.

(should i even be posting this here?)

Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Sunday, 2 January 2005 00:51 (twenty years ago)

(no, post it to this thread)

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 2 January 2005 01:12 (twenty years ago)

deal

Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Sunday, 2 January 2005 01:13 (twenty years ago)

haha, Gravel Puzzleworth OTM.

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 2 January 2005 01:14 (twenty years ago)

HAHAHA his posts on party hats and the thread that Curtis recommended! Boy gonna soak his clothes through at this rate.

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Sunday, 2 January 2005 01:52 (twenty years ago)

Can the moderators find and replace every instance of "Classic or Dud" with "Malarkey or Effective way"?
-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), January 2nd, 2005 8:55 PM. (spencermfi)

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 2 January 2005 02:15 (twenty years ago)

Dylan fanatics: Volvo-driving middle-aged straight white guys
Morrissey fanatics: pan-sexual, multicultural, suicidal folks of mixed gender
-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...), January 1st, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's easier to spot Morrissey fanatics.
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), January 1st, 2005.

Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Sunday, 2 January 2005 11:14 (twenty years ago)

oh man i only make it on EXCELSIOR as the straight guy nowadays.

me as the straight guy - first time for everything i guess.

ken c (ken c), Sunday, 2 January 2005 12:04 (twenty years ago)

!

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 2 January 2005 14:25 (twenty years ago)

You are so bent.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 2 January 2005 15:05 (twenty years ago)

an oldie but a goodie:

don't dis Joey Pants! One of my favorite lines ever is from one of his worst films, Congo: "talking ape? The money hairs on the back of my head are going woo woo woo!"
-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), March 26th, 2003.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 2 January 2005 19:43 (twenty years ago)

I just spent fifteen minutes trying to find a picture of Neil Peart wearing sweatpants. Then, i came to my senses.
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), January 3rd, 2005 10:01 AM. (vassifer)

nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 3 January 2005 15:04 (twenty years ago)

Bring it on back, y'all. B to the L to the U to the R to the L A izzy.

-- David Raposa (dave...) (webmail), October 4th, 2001. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'blurlaa'?

-- ethan (ethan...) (webmail), October 4th, 2001. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 3 January 2005 15:07 (twenty years ago)

Hahaha, Lex on the 2004 share & praise ILM thread:

Kano - I Hate Boyfriends
grime's first gay anthem! kind of. if you ignore some of the lyrics, like the ones about girls.

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Monday, 3 January 2005 16:49 (twenty years ago)

speaking of RS lists, one of their top fifty albums of the year was the Alfie soundtrack, because Mick Jagger wrote some stuff for it.
-- Riot Gear! (speed.to.roa...), January 1st, 2005 10:30 PM.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

They always make sure to leave a table for Jann S. Wenner at Mick Jagger's dick. You never know when he might show up.
-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), January 1st, 2005 10:57 PM

Leon the Fratboy (Ex Leon), Monday, 3 January 2005 16:59 (twenty years ago)

A whole table!

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 3 January 2005 17:04 (twenty years ago)

is there anything to kanye's album beyond the singles? unless soemone proves me wrong i will just assume this is the tracklisting:

"look at me i am in a funny bear suit (skit)"
"ouch, my jaw hurts"
"i r dumb (skit)"
"slow jamz"
"college girls be fat (skit)"
"all falls down"
"all i got at college was this backpack (skit)"
"jesus walks"
"i was robbed at various award shows" (new bonus diss skit)

-- artdamages (chris.tha()mrin@gmail.com), December 30th, 2004 4:50 PM. (artdamages)

nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 3 January 2005 17:32 (twenty years ago)

You have a log for an arm? That's terrible!
-- N. (nickdastoo...), December 25th, 2002

yeah, it's old and probably on a previous excelsior thread.

Nellie (nellskies), Monday, 3 January 2005 21:05 (twenty years ago)

Come on. You think Rod pulled all these blondes because of his dashing personality? I wonder if right-on ILX will ever admit that girls are suckers for cash in a way that blokes are not (when it comes to ugly rich chicks for example).

-- Rod Stewart is a Truthteller (rsiat...), January 3rd, 2005 4:04 PM.

Answers

really the ladies just want his body and think he's sexy.

-- Emilymv (emilyventer...), January 3rd, 2005 4:06 PM. (Emilymv)

mookieproof (mookieproof), Monday, 3 January 2005 22:00 (twenty years ago)

I think once the novelty of putting things in my vagina began to pall I would realize several years had passed and I was homeless and alone. So, no thank you.
-- The Ghost of Dan Perry, January 3rd, 2005 9:41 AM.

Adamdrome Crankypants (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 3 January 2005 23:05 (twenty years ago)

Calum? Lately, I've taken to imagining him as Gollum.

-- Michael White (Sanmichel...), January 4th, 2005 11:52 AM. (Hereward)

Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 00:56 (twenty years ago)

"Pressssious! Why do you only like carsss and mohney inssstead of me?!" etc...ad nauseum

Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 00:59 (twenty years ago)

Hahah! So true :-/

Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 01:00 (twenty years ago)

He couldn't fall into the lava fast enough for me, then.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 01:06 (twenty years ago)

Oh My.

Blogging Blofeld, Tuesday, 4 January 2005 01:12 (twenty years ago)

!

latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 01:16 (twenty years ago)

Holy shit.

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 02:42 (twenty years ago)

The black limousine snaked its way through the gated entrance.

What's this, Saturday night at Denzel Washington's house?

Adamdrome Crankypants (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 02:47 (twenty years ago)

Now, why you always gotta be so funneh on the funneh page?

Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 02:50 (twenty years ago)

The previous posts in this blog strike me as suspicious.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 02:52 (twenty years ago)

And then Calum Waddell took off his hat. It was a stunning sight. His full, proud head, ears flaring with desire and excitement, stared back at Paul. Matt took one look at that ginormous skull and slammed Calum back against the door as he took Calum's temple to his mouth, hungrily assaulting it as if it were a watermelon.

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 02:54 (twenty years ago)

HYSTERICS

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 02:54 (twenty years ago)

You left out a word ffs.

And then Calum Waddell took off his willy hat. It was a stunning sight. His full, proud head, ears flaring with desire and excitement, stared back at Paul. Matt took one look at that ginormous skull and slammed Calum back against the door as he took Calum's temple to his mouth, hungrily assaulting it as if it were a watermelon.

Adamdrome Crankypants (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 02:56 (twenty years ago)

An oldie, but this had me in tears (edited to teh funny line)


Now you listen here, Henry Rollins w/ animated beard.

-- Ally (garance8...), June 13th, 2001 11:00 AM.

Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 03:27 (twenty years ago)

i shall soon utter the one word that brings DA FEAR into the hearts of all australians (and not a few new zealanders and americans) ...
-- Eisbär (llamasfu...), January 4th, 2005.


----------------------------------------------------------------------

Work?
-- Trayce (spamspanke...), January 4th, 2005.

musicmole, Tuesday, 4 January 2005 06:17 (twenty years ago)

I live in England, right, where everybody has a reflexive unthinking prejudice against all things American and 'stupid'. So one day I thought I'd have some fun, which believe me is a major fuckin' undertaking here, and said to somebody 'hey put on this CD I got here. It's kind of like Sweet crossed with Slade with a bit of '77 punk thrown in.' I play it. "Drums pretty loud." "Yeah, it's a bit Chinnichap isn't it, Dave Clark Five even", I smirk. "This is cool what is it?" "It's SHOUT AT THE DEVIL by MOTLEY CRUE! Ha ha ha! You're rockin' along to the Crue, brah!" Take him about a month of fuckin' Pulp to wash the stain off his soul, I reckon
-- dave q (scrape10...), March 7th, 2003 9:42 PM


-- Leon the Fratboy (nicole.kessle...), January 3rd, 2005.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 10:25 (twenty years ago)

haha thanks Col I was hoping someone'd spot my joke =)

Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 11:17 (twenty years ago)

The real life reward for capturing Saddam is pretty much equivalent to the amount of money Chelsea paid for Chris Sutton.
That's madness.

-- Matt DC (runmd...), August 14th, 2003 1:53 PM.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The world has gone mad
-- Dave B (dave.boyl...), August 14th, 2003 1:58 PM.

----------------------

I sometimes think Chris Sutton would make a great dictator, but only with John Hartson as his Taraq Aziz.
-- Mikey G (...), August 14th, 2003 2:32 PM.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just checked.
US Reward for Saddam - 25M = 15M quid

Chris Sutton went for 10M quid didn't he? Even so, Duff is more expensive than Saddam. World still mad.

-- Dave B (dave.boyl...), August 14th, 2003 2:34 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Of course Duff is more expensive than Saddam. Have you seen Saddam defending a corner? Shocking.
-- Mark C (boyincorduro...), August 14th, 2003 11:37 PM.

Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 11:18 (twenty years ago)

Would he get the financial backing with his record of self-sabotage ("Grade is a...") and tabloid-baiting? Perhaps he would - My Wrongs wasn't cheap. I don't really know whether he's capable of developing a feature on his own. Perhaps he could team up with Richard Curtis - Hugh Grant and Mark Heap both fall in love with the same American movie star, but she has the body of a Hoover and they're wheelchair-bound mesogleal tripeds who can only communicate in supra-aural square waves. Features Rowan Atkinson as a funny vicar (who burns penguins).

-- Michael Jones (tourajsig...), January 4th, 2005 10:16 AM. (MichaelJ)

Ferg, Ah (Ferg), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 13:06 (twenty years ago)

delicious quippage from Barry there

Frankenstein On Ice (blueski), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 13:37 (twenty years ago)

Wow, Dylan and the Dead.

Huk-L, Tuesday, 4 January 2005 15:02 (twenty years ago)

I would trust my bank details with Benny Hill. He had better things to do than run amok with personal information.

-- Eyeball Kicks (eyeball_kick...), January 4th, 2005 4:16 PM. (Eyeball Kicks) (link) (admin) (217.132.124.220)

If he did run amok with it, you can bet that he'd be followed by an old bald man, a nurse, and a meter maid.

-- dave225 (right.knewi...), January 4th, 2005 4:17 PM. (Dave225) (link) (admin) (132.174.240.67)

Frankenstein On Ice (blueski), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 16:30 (twenty years ago)

the lighthouse family are better than you remember

-- pete b. (littlebopet...), January 4th, 2005 4:48 PM. (pete b.) (link)

i forgot a comma

-- pete b. (littlebopet...), January 4th, 2005 4:48 PM. (pete b.) (link)

Frankenstein On Ice (blueski), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 16:52 (twenty years ago)

80% of Geordies take sausages and bacon on holiday.
Given that Sting is probably vegetarian, I take this to mean that, statistically, it's odds on Brian Ferry packs tasty pork treats in his luggage.


-- coco (coli...)

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

haha Ian is a fat, lady migdet

-- roxymuzak (emilysu...), January 4th, 2005 5:41 PM. (roxymuzak)

Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

Apparently you can use the dildo on the very last gf you get.
-- Velveteen Bingo (formerlypoopsmcge...), November 9th, 2004 10:37 AM.

Euw, have you seen the size of it?!
-- PinXorchiXoR (pink{est}panther4...), November 9th, 2004 10:38 AM.

yes, i've beaten people with it.
-- Velveteen Bingo (formerlypoopsmcge...), November 9th, 2004 10:41 AM.

Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 18:35 (twenty years ago)

It's from the GTA thread, if you were wondering.

Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 18:35 (twenty years ago)

http://home.gwu.edu/~tombot/vhad.jpg
- TOMBOT

nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 18:37 (twenty years ago)

(re: the lack of complaint spawned by Vince Neil's F-bomb)

People were too busy passing around the "DAMN-he-got-fat"s to hear.

-- roxymuzak (emilysu...) (webmail), January 4th, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 18:45 (twenty years ago)

Liam is well hard. But I'd give it a go.
-- Ceezah (Ceeza...)

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 19:11 (twenty years ago)

I'm with Chuck. I consider band names and album titles to be minute details yet I still wish to discuss things even though I can remember little about them. Also, kisses.

-- Carl Winslow is WHAT!?!? (power.strik...) (webmail), January 4th, 2005 2:07 PM. (deangulberry) (link)

LSD, called the aristocrat (ex machina), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 19:14 (twenty years ago)

Bwah ha ha!

x-post

Leon the Fratboy (Ex Leon), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 19:14 (twenty years ago)

Would you like to sign this card for Joyce? Her two children were killed in a fiery accident over the weekend.
-- Pleasant Plains ///

craggy jones, Tuesday, 4 January 2005 19:58 (twenty years ago)

"We Are the World" not only made me (more) ashamed (than usual) to be American, it made me ashamed to be a member of the same species.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), January 4th, 2005 8:20 PM. (vassifer) (link)

Frankenstein On Ice (blueski), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 20:43 (twenty years ago)

Lexington, Kentucky has more rainfall, both in January and annually, than does Seattle
-- gabbneb (gabbne...), January 4th, 2005 3:53 PM. (gabbneb)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

well pardon me, al roker.
-- Emilymv (emilyventer...), January 4th, 2005 3:57 PM. (Emilymv)

nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 20:59 (twenty years ago)

from noize:


I think I'll pass on fucking chuck.
-- tokyo rosemary (rosemarygilber...) (webmail), January 4th, 2005 12:57 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BUT HIS SEMEN CARRIES THE HAZY KNOWLEDGE OF ONE MILLION HORRIBLE RECORDS
-- ddb (stupidpum...) (webmail), January 4th, 2005 12:58 PM.

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 21:12 (twenty years ago)

oh my god that c*l*m blog! has he found out about it yet?

Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 21:18 (twenty years ago)

more noize:

All the best art involves a massive waste of time and resources, apparently.
-- .adam (adamr...), January 4th, 2005 4:30 PM.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and $20,000,000
-- ddb (stupidpum...), January 4th, 2005 4:35 PM.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who wants to look at Ethiopians eating food?
-- Carl Winslow and Jeanne-Claude (power.strik...), January 4th, 2005 4:35 PM.

bnw (bnw), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 21:42 (twenty years ago)

dean has been really funny lately.

mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 21:51 (twenty years ago)

That's because the mall closed for the holidays.

.adam (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 21:53 (twenty years ago)

nickelbackalicious

-- Leon the Fratboy (nicole.kessle...), January 4th, 2005 7:08 AM. (Ex Leon)

YOU ARE OUT OF THE WILL

-- nickalicious (nickaliciou...), January 4th, 2005 7:10 AM. (nickalicious)

Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 4 January 2005 21:54 (twenty years ago)

I am beginning to realize that there is a certain sort of woman who was probably in a sorority in college and really into being in a sorority and who will invariably grow up and and find herself in a work situation with me and we will likely disagree about everything. I have noticed this pattern. Am I allowed to draw attention to it on a public forum? Does the fraternity/sorority system stunt your emotional growth and your ability to deal with a variety of personalities?
-- .adam (adamr...), January 4th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it makes you a fucking winner, adam. and those who weren't there with you and your brothers and sisters during the CRAZY DAYS will never understand, and will always be playing catch up. Crazy days, man.
-- kyle (akmonda...), January 4th, 2005.

blount, Tuesday, 4 January 2005 23:37 (twenty years ago)

Sadly, in day to day life, I find my neuroses force me into the position where I feel I must defend my position as a music fan, purely because of the sex that I am now. Thus, I believe that if I were of the opposite sex, I would not have (so many of) these problems.

-- emil.y (container_driver...), January 5th, 2005 6:58 PM. (emil.y)

have you heard of one jonathan williams?

-- caitlin oh no (caitx...), January 5th, 2005 7:07 PM. (caitxa1)

I Am Curious (George) (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 01:12 (twenty years ago)

I thought all you faux-male 'women have such a hard time of it and the world is so sexist blah blah' ILX types didn't approve of misogynistic twats? The plot thickens eh?
Snoop's attitude towards women alone is enough for me never to like him.

-- CC72 (cc7...), January 5th, 2005.

Masked Gazza, Wednesday, 5 January 2005 11:44 (twenty years ago)

did i miss the "hand holding" and "kissing" threads amateurist surely revived before this one?

-- Jams Murphy (ystrickle...), January 4th, 2005. (ystrickler)

tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 15:27 (twenty years ago)

my ex-roomate from that year - a ponytailed fillipino jazz guitar player named "jameson" who used to take xtra delight in beating "e honda" in the video game "mike tyson's punch out" because "of what the japanese did to my people" - racked up $600 in phone sex calls on his birthday that he never payed.
-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), November 15th, 2003.

**%@, Wednesday, 5 January 2005 16:03 (twenty years ago)

WOMAN: Honey, I need a new purse.
NICK: Oh, well we'll have to get you another bag to put that purse in.
WOMAN: ... REALLY??? *does "ka-ching" fist-pump gesture* I also need some boots to put over my shoes.

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), January 5th, 2005 11:26 AM. (Dan Perry)

nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 16:27 (twenty years ago)

I miss jess

.adam (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 16:29 (twenty years ago)

Hey, vibrators are for everybody!

-- Bill O'Reilly (loofa...), January 5th, 2005.

Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 16:31 (twenty years ago)

I also knew a girl who had a Cleopatra records tattoo--but she pretended she didn't. "It's the Eye of RA!" she'd insist, like that is in any way cooler than having a fucking Cleopatra logo tattoo.

-- adam (hexenductio...), January 4th, 2005.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 17:36 (twenty years ago)

I bought a racist belt today

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 19:41 (twenty years ago)

just coming to put that

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 19:49 (twenty years ago)

I bought a homophobic watch today! Instead of giving the time, it refuses to recognize gay marriage!
-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), January 5th, 2005 3:21 PM.

I shouldn't have lol'd but I did.

Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 20:26 (twenty years ago)

Places that belt might not be offensive:

Vice magazine offices.

DO's:

There's nothing more fuckable than someone who accidentally buys a racist belt. It's like a starchild born to be thrown something too hot to handle and is forced to deal with it to prove superhuman powers later. Fashion leaders will be licking this person's genitals in negative time.


-- donut christ (do...) (webmail), January 5th, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 20:32 (twenty years ago)

This is like my belt-buckle that has the shape of Eritrea and then it says "Independent Nation (FOR THE TIME BEING)." Or my t-shirt with the off-color joke about Somali women.

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), January 5th, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

Is his leg now technically a boob?
-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), January 5th, 2005 3:57 PM. (spencermfi)

nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 21:02 (twenty years ago)

so what?

-- Shakey Mo Collier (audiobo...) (webmail), January 5th, 2005 4:40 PM. (link)

So maybe you have tin fucking ears is what?

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...) (webmail), January 5th, 2005 4:41 PM. (Alex in SF)

mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 21:47 (twenty years ago)

i'll show you pictures when possible. believe me they're nipples.
-- latebloomer (posercore24...), January 5th, 2005. (latebloomer) (link)

nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 22:00 (twenty years ago)

I'm sure Kelly just goes commando cause with her squeezy booty and tight pants even a damn thong would give her panty lines.

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), January 5th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can we go back in time to when I didn't just post that?

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), January 5th, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 22:08 (twenty years ago)

OMG that Alex thing. Where is it from?

.adam (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 22:15 (twenty years ago)

Greg Tate on the 30th Anniversary of Hip-Hop

Shmool McShmool (shmuel), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 22:18 (twenty years ago)

From "Pitchfork "2004: The 50 Best Albums" Tally System":

I'm not suggesting that anyone is fudging the results over there, but I can't imagine a system that could possibly assign values to all the variables it allegedly considers. I mean, is an editor's #1 record fifty times more valuable than his or her #50? Is every album of every critic's list included in the final tally? What if there's a tie? Does Schreiber's list get counted twice? (cough, the rapture, cough)... Maybe it's just my puny, liberal arts mind that can't comprehend some simple equation or whatever, but does anyone know the actual skullduggery that goes on behind the curtain? Film at eleven.
-- poortheatre (gah24...), January 5th, 2005 4:13 PM. (poortheatre) (link)

Answers
You should write a book that attempts to explain how your life has turned out such that you could possibly care about this.
-- nabisco (--...), January 5th, 2005 4:17 PM. (nabisco) (link)

jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 22:26 (twenty years ago)

history is any indication, we should be paying attention to what poor black kids are doing with freshly affordable technology

you mean replacing our ipod headphones with normal ones?

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...) (webmail), January 5th, 2005. (link)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

what do i do once I've done that?

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...) (webmail), January 5th, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 5 January 2005 22:35 (twenty years ago)

it's like in clockwork orange when the droogs become cops!!!

-- blount (66...), January 5th, 2005 8:46 AM.

Or in The Young Ones when Neil does.

-- martin m. (mushrus...), January 5th, 2005 8:54 AM. (mushrush)

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 6 January 2005 02:21 (twenty years ago)

http://nimportequi.com/v_d_o/lecteur.swf?vid=126

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...) (webmail), January 6th, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 January 2005 14:52 (twenty years ago)

Oh, what if Pat Sajak and I became friends! That would be so excellent, I must say. he'd come over and I'd say, "Hey Pat, care for some nachos?" .. Oh, what am I saying? Pat Sajak probably has a million friends .. but then again, maybe he doesn't. It's tough to sometimes always know.
-- dave225 (right.knewi...), January 6th, 2005 10:37 AM. (Dave225)

Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 6 January 2005 15:58 (twenty years ago)

Isn't that an Ed Grimley quote? It's still funny, tho!

jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 6 January 2005 16:02 (twenty years ago)

yes, credit to Ed Grimley.

dave225 (Dave225), Thursday, 6 January 2005 16:03 (twenty years ago)

.. but it was about over-intellectualization .. I thought it fit.

dave225 (Dave225), Thursday, 6 January 2005 16:03 (twenty years ago)

http://www.delafont.com/comedians/Comedian_Images/m-short3.jpg

jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 6 January 2005 16:18 (twenty years ago)

good lord i love him! he inspired me to purchase a triangle.

Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 6 January 2005 16:21 (twenty years ago)

I rather like the idea of over-intellectualising a dildo. "The noise made by the Wibble Four setting is delightfully reminscent of the opening chords of Taverner's Kyrie, thus beautifully marrying both the basest and most divine of pleasures."
-- Matt DC (runmd...), January 6th, 2005 4:23 PM.

Archel (Archel), Thursday, 6 January 2005 16:26 (twenty years ago)

HI GERE!
-- Big Baby Bingo (cmvenuti200...), January 6th, 2005 8:00 AM. (Chris V)

n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 6 January 2005 18:54 (twenty years ago)

"I went to a Margaret Atwood signing but the only thing there was a robot that kept hitting people in the crotch. IT WAS AWESOME!"

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), January 6th, 2005.

Huk-L, Thursday, 6 January 2005 19:42 (twenty years ago)

I am in awe.

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), January 6th, 2005 3:29 PM. (jaymc)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I mean EVEN MORE AWE.
-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), January 6th, 2005 3:30 PM. (jaymc)

nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 6 January 2005 20:31 (twenty years ago)

i would like to start a music forum where ppl can only say stupid things about highbrow, intelligent musics

-- weasel diesel (kilian(dot)murphy24@mail.dcu.ie), January 6th, 2005.

we're halfway there...

-- Stevem On X (stevem7...), January 6th, 2005.

WUH-HO!

-- Stevem On X (stevem7...), January 6th, 2005.

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Thursday, 6 January 2005 21:05 (twenty years ago)

First, some context:

so my bro stephen is 14-years-old and my parents are crazy protective of him, to the point that they have a filter on the tv that censors out any curse words and instead replaces the curse word with something else via closed captioning. only the thing is really really overzealous, to the point that the word "sex" gets muted and replaced with "hugs." roffles.
-- Jams Murphy (ystrickle...), January 6th, 2005.

Then the payoff:

I CANT WAIT TO GET HOME AND HUG MYSELF TO SOME INTERNET SMUT
-- ddb (stupidpum...), January 6th, 2005.

.adam (nordicskilla), Thursday, 6 January 2005 21:10 (twenty years ago)

I hope Phil Collins dedicates "In the Air Tonight" to Ray Lewis at an upcoming concert and then shines an accusatory spotlight at his face in the crowd.

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), January 6th, 2005.

Haibun (Begs2Differ), Thursday, 6 January 2005 22:30 (twenty years ago)

Hi, I'm Richard Gere

Shmool McShmool (shmuel), Thursday, 6 January 2005 22:38 (twenty years ago)

Oh! I thought it was part of the Arcade Fire backlash! I see -- that's sort of like when my mom saves clippings for me from the Washington Post "that mentioned that band you like, The Fugazis." !

-- Chuckling at the Tomkat's Marquee (fiestasandsiestas[nospam...), January 7th, 2005.

youn, Friday, 7 January 2005 01:24 (twenty years ago)

http://ffmedia.ign.com/filmforce/image/tarareid_aloneinthedark.jpg

latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 7 January 2005 02:28 (twenty years ago)

man just wait until those glasses come off and that hair starts flowing and tara's forced to run away from an unseen horror in an industrial warehouse wearing khaki shorts and a wifebeater

Riot Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 7 January 2005 02:34 (twenty years ago)

iWHAT IS GEAN DULBERRY LIKE IN REAL LIFE?

latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 7 January 2005 06:07 (twenty years ago)

i love the realistic hair on that disco guy
-- cutty (holle...), January 7th, 2005.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 7 January 2005 06:26 (twenty years ago)

i thought lib arts degrees where those ones where they teach you how to play piano n shit so how's writing come into it? well i dunno. seems like it would less worthless than an english degree cuz you'd be a renaissance man type and everybody finds that cool.
apologies if that makes no sense.

-- John (johndahle...), January 7th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

don't apologize, though it doesn't make any sense.
-- hstencil (hstenc!...), January 7th, 2005.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 7 January 2005 06:39 (twenty years ago)

I do not write 'teh' deliberately.
-- the bossfox (pinefo...), September 24th, 2004

Masked Gazza, Friday, 7 January 2005 10:08 (twenty years ago)

L33+ +3rr0R!z+X0r 0z4M4 8!|\| L4D3|\| h3 S4Y: "h4h4 \/\/33 p\/\/|\|3d yR 4ssX0r |)00|)"
-- Liz :x (liz...) January 7th, 2005.

aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 7 January 2005 11:14 (twenty years ago)

That one killed me.. So did:

0mG!! TEH 5CR33M H4X0R3D!!!!!!!!!!111
-- ken c (pykachu10...), January 7th, 2005 7:19 PM.


dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:38 (twenty years ago)

Is it just me, or has John Dahlem gone INSANE lately?

jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:08 (twenty years ago)

From Life Aquatic thread (visual image got me):

There's a little scene after the credits where Wes Anderson stabs everything we love with a sword.
-- Carl Winslow is WHAT!?!? (power.strik...)

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:33 (twenty years ago)

jaymc, this thread kind of explains it: caffeine high's c or d

teeny (teeny), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:49 (twenty years ago)

The content of a magazine is only a reflection of the readership, not a barometer measuring the relative "importance" of music cultures. If you don't want a white middle class male perspective, don't read MOJO, the Guardian or Rolling Stone.

-- nuclearshithat (nuclearshitha...) (webmail), January 7th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

don't lecture me about all the nonexistent U.S. mainstream media that actually takes a multicultural world and its music into account, dude, your name is "nuclearshithat"

-- Haibun (expresso222...) (webmail), January 7th, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 7 January 2005 20:32 (twenty years ago)

hahahaha

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 7 January 2005 20:34 (twenty years ago)

DOZEN on a triple word score was my best move of the night. I did not get ass.
-- Ian Johnson (johni72...)

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 7 January 2005 20:43 (twenty years ago)

We played Scrabble over the holidays and I screwed up one of my wife's moves to the point where she had a mini-tantrum that culminated in "I HAD 'PIGEON', MOTHERFUCKER".

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 7 January 2005 20:47 (twenty years ago)

I also did not get ass.

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 7 January 2005 20:47 (twenty years ago)

All the women now (C4therine L3wis, Kr!st3n S4ge R0ckermann) are in editorial-executive positions.

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), January 7th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How's that for a glass ceiling?

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...) (webmail), January 7th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[...]

Put 'em on the glass ceiling

-- Haibun (expresso222...) (webmail), January 7th, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 7 January 2005 20:48 (twenty years ago)

Sorry guys, the whole thread needs to be excelsiored now:

The vast majority of popular rock music aligns the listener with the perspective of the vocalist which is usually a white (heterosexual) middle class male perspective. Discuss

MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Friday, 7 January 2005 22:06 (twenty years ago)

This one, too:

This Be The Thread Where We Submit Gag Titles For Theads That Wouldn't Justify Actual Threads

youn, Friday, 7 January 2005 22:08 (twenty years ago)

This Be The Thread Where We Submit Gag Titles For Theads That Wouldn't Justify Actual Threads

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 7 January 2005 22:16 (twenty years ago)

I know the whole thread is deservedly excelsior, but this one really got me:

TUPAC IS BEYOND RACE AND CLASS NOW
-- nabisco (--...), January 7th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The vast majority of music that is reviewed as "important" in magazines and newspapers and web periodicals is made by white heterosexual middle class males, discuss.
-- Haibun (expresso222...), January 7th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IN THE MOTHERSOUL OF THE UNIVERSE ALL SUCH EARTHLY DIVERSIONS ARE DISSOLVED INTO PURE BEING
-- nabisco (--...), January 7th, 2005.

miccio (miccio), Friday, 7 January 2005 23:10 (twenty years ago)

Put 'em on the glass ceiling is the highpoint of ILM to date.

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 7 January 2005 23:12 (twenty years ago)

Am I dumb if I don't get that?

jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 7 January 2005 23:21 (twenty years ago)

No, sweetie, just ignorant.

nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 7 January 2005 23:22 (twenty years ago)

Jaymc, I thought you were all about lame early-to-mid 90s hip-pop!

.adam (nordicskilla), Friday, 7 January 2005 23:23 (twenty years ago)

(That joke looked mean: sorry J!)

nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 7 January 2005 23:24 (twenty years ago)

A-ha. A cursory Google search shows that it was a popular song by that loveable scamp, Sir Mix-A-Lot. I think I may have even heard it once or twice.

jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 7 January 2005 23:50 (twenty years ago)

He was quite the randy one, if I recall correctly.

miccio (miccio), Friday, 7 January 2005 23:55 (twenty years ago)

Where's the decal where R. Kelly's pissing on Calvin?

-- Pleasant Plains ///

martin m. (mushrush), Saturday, 8 January 2005 00:40 (twenty years ago)

there's some homage going on there, that's for sure

-- s1ocki (slytus...), January 7th, 2005. (slutsky)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

FR-HOMAGE!

-- s1ocki (slytus...), January 7th, 2005. (slutsky)

tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Saturday, 8 January 2005 04:12 (twenty years ago)

haha

.adam (nordicskilla), Saturday, 8 January 2005 04:14 (twenty years ago)

what's up.

s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 8 January 2005 05:11 (twenty years ago)

hey, dude

tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Saturday, 8 January 2005 05:24 (twenty years ago)

Nice bit of French there. That's always good to see.

.adam (nordicskilla), Saturday, 8 January 2005 05:25 (twenty years ago)

ben ouais!!

s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 8 January 2005 05:30 (twenty years ago)

i was in a polish sandwich once.

what happens in krakow stays in krakow.

-- mark p (mark.p****...), January 8th, 2005.

hstencil (hstencil), Saturday, 8 January 2005 05:57 (twenty years ago)

the strip searches don't sound too bad. after all, they played NIN's "Closer" on a loop to relax the children.

-- kingfish (jdsalmo...), January 8th, 2005 1:21 AM. (Kingfish)

xAARONHZx, EXTREME ILXOR LOOK ALL CAPS (AaronHz), Saturday, 8 January 2005 09:38 (twenty years ago)

trife you're the most condescending person on this thread!
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), August 23rd, 2003 12:20 AM. (James Blount)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

blount you did see that this thread has jello biafra saying mentally ill ppl are 'courageous', right??
-- trife (...), August 23rd, 2003 12:23 AM. (simon_tr)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the horror!
-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), August 23rd, 2003 12:26 AM. (James Blount)

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Saturday, 8 January 2005 18:14 (twenty years ago)

dude, i got stoned and ate too much lasagne, i'm basically garfield. wanna trade?

-- mark p (mark.p****...), January 8th, 2005 1:52 AM. (Mark P)

s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 8 January 2005 18:21 (twenty years ago)

iSomeone's gonna post that picture of the guy with the tray of hot dogs with his dink in one of the buns.
-- Bryan (twp62y...), January 8th, 2005 12:53 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

leave martin out of this!
-- mark p (mark.p****...), January 8th, 2005

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 8 January 2005 19:39 (twenty years ago)

From: This is the thread where you write the post everyone would expect you to write

picture of gareth's head in some sort of unusual scenario
-- stevem (bluesk...)

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 8 January 2005 21:20 (twenty years ago)

british people don't know will ferrell?
-- cutty (holle...), January 7th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While going through a journal entry from 1995, I found I had a dream about Will Ferrell, but I referred to him as "that new guy from 'SNL.'"
-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), January 7th, 2005.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 8 January 2005 23:56 (twenty years ago)

i dislike "dreamgasms", especially when you come after having a dream with relatives in it.
-- latebloomer

thee music mole, Sunday, 9 January 2005 00:01 (twenty years ago)

Two of the last three things I've said that people have posted here weren't even meant to be funny!!

jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 9 January 2005 00:11 (twenty years ago)

Those last two Lord Custos jokes are among the least funny things he has ever posted.

-- Matt DC (runmd...) (webmail), January 7th, 2005 4:49 AM. (Matt DC) (link)

mark p (Mark P), Sunday, 9 January 2005 02:06 (twenty years ago)

the thought of something that unfunny just cracks me up.

mark p (Mark P), Sunday, 9 January 2005 02:22 (twenty years ago)

Herb Kunze is the ultimate rockist. The Death Valley Driver guys are like the noise board. An equivalent of the mp3 bloggers is just waiting to happen. Scott Keith might actually be closer to pop-ism than most due to his "overrating" matches (y'know, when he re-adjusts his ratings in hindsight) due to hot finishes despite a poor body portion, and giving props to wrestlers due to sheer ~AWESOMENESS not always necessarily related to workrate (Batista is a recent example, Rock being the ultimate one). Dave Meltzer, of course, is the dean of American pro wrestling criticism.
-- alex in montreal (hip_to_hat...), January 6th, 2005 4:05 PM. (link)

ken c (ken c), Sunday, 9 January 2005 03:28 (twenty years ago)

Hee hee. Sophisticated dandy ...that makes it sound liek he is some kind of sugar daddy and you are a twink or something. Like he is the candy man of your own private Canada "WHo can take your stereo fill it full of sperm insult you to your face and expose his Scottish worm The Dandy Man cAn then dany man can cause hes Momus and he just came into your ear"
-- Mike Hanley (pennyson...), May 24th, 2001.

Eisbär (llamasfur), Sunday, 9 January 2005 06:18 (twenty years ago)

One of the funniest things I've ever read on this thing, that.

Bryan (Bryan), Sunday, 9 January 2005 06:23 (twenty years ago)

my god

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 9 January 2005 16:40 (twenty years ago)

Yay for the iPod! Do keep us informed as to the fate of White SUV character and how said person will have to cry a lot now.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), January 9th, 2005 12:36 PM. (Ned)

OMG WAS IT OJ?

-- teeny (teen...), January 9th, 2005 12:59 PM. (teeny)

I Am Curious (George) (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 9 January 2005 19:01 (twenty years ago)

They've given her a number and taken WAY her name...
Now I really think Claire Berlinski is a pen name, since her novel is described as a roman a clef. Aspiring novelists around the globe must be kicking themselves. A coming of age espionage romance novel?

-- lovebug starski (writeco...), January 9th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Agent Cody Banks: The Edge of Reason
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), January 9th, 2005.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 9 January 2005 22:00 (twenty years ago)

[nb I have not seen Riddick]

this hopefully won't be the last time! From imdb, quoth Diesel:

"We gave the script to the studio, I bought three leather binders. One said C1, one said C2 and one said C3. They all had locks on them and we only gave the key to C1 to the studio."

"From the very very beginning, when everyone thought it was crazy, I was thinking of The Chronicles of Riddick as a trilogy. That would start with the movie you saw, and Pitch Black would act as a prequel that introduced you to the character. So in simple terms, in Chronicles 2 we venture to the Underverse. We knew we could get away with a PG-13 on the first one, but once you go to the Underverse it's rated R, because it's a place where war is the norm and there is constant, constant battling. Then on Chronicles 3 we will see Riddick return to Furia, to deal with the homeland."

"In the next film, Riddick is going to go to the underverse. Riddick will act with new elementals. Not air elementals [as Judi Dench's character is] but fire and water. It'll come full circle in C3 when he must return to Furia".

I like how this all makes no sense even if you've seen the movie.

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), January 9th, 2005.

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Sunday, 9 January 2005 22:59 (twenty years ago)

adam, it's a fine line between being adorable and curmudgeonly and being miccio.

-- mark p (mark.p****...), January 10th, 2005. (Mark P)

tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Monday, 10 January 2005 05:05 (twenty years ago)

from the "I ate dinner next to Andre 3000 thread"


he actually says "alrightalrightalright."

you should've said "lend me some catsup, i am your neighbour"

-- Stevem On X (stevem7...), January 9th, 2005.

Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Monday, 10 January 2005 05:40 (twenty years ago)

THERE'S A GHOSTIE IN YO TELEPHONE

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), January 10th, 2005.

t0dd swiss, Monday, 10 January 2005 06:35 (twenty years ago)

Winterbottom's got a spotty output
xj e r e m y (jcoomb...), July 29th, 2004.

Masked Gazza, Monday, 10 January 2005 09:01 (twenty years ago)

HAHAHAHAHA

[mr_lamouche] FUCK SPAIN
(21:40) [ZIDAN] HAHAHAHA
(21:40) [ZIDAN] BUT I AM NOT FROM FRANCE I HATE FRANCE FUCK THE FRANCE
[mr_lamouche] AH SORRY
[mr_lamouche] FUCK FRANCE
[mr_lamouche] WHERE ARE YOU FROM
(21:41) [ZIDAN] ISRAEL
[mr_lamouche] FUCK PALESTINE?
(21:41) [ZIDAN] YEA I LOVE YOU
[mr_lamouche] SORRY, TOUCHY ISSUE
K
(21:41) [ZIDAN] ARE YOU A DISC JOKING?
[mr_lamouche] I AM SERIOUS DISC JOKING

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Monday, 10 January 2005 22:31 (twenty years ago)

the Parc, as hopkin stim can testify, affords a wide view of the city which while not the jaw-dropper of Montmartre, isn't swarming with fairground hordes and drippy ice cream cones. it also doesn't have a stunning chapel at the top. it's got a suspicious-looking empty museum and some drug dealers.

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), January 10th, 2005.

youn, Monday, 10 January 2005 22:43 (twenty years ago)

This made me laugh harder than anything on ILX in months: Butthead Lake?

jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 10 January 2005 23:31 (twenty years ago)

sanjaymca, it's funnier if you post the whole text ... twice!

dave225 (Dave225), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 00:25 (twenty years ago)

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/40705000/jpg/_40705255_cow203ap.jpg

"a little help?"

-- Stevem On X (stevem7...), January 10th, 2005 8:22 AM.

luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 01:17 (twenty years ago)

Wait, fuck Spain?

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 01:18 (twenty years ago)


ok this thread is too awesome to not at least poke my head in and say "hi"

-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...), January 11th, 2005.

I agree, except replace "this thread" with "your mom"

-- C('ing on)urt1sss (curtis.stephens@gmail.com), January 11th, 2005.

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 01:39 (twenty years ago)

HOLY SHIT FUNNIEST THING EVER!!!

n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 03:27 (twenty years ago)

what thread was that?

cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 03:34 (twenty years ago)

Banned Again!

teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 03:40 (twenty years ago)

A professional would leverage hardware security to initiate preventative measures aimed at creating a multifunction barrier to maintain the status quo within the physical space of the company going forward. An amateur would lock the door.

-- Adamdrome Crankypants (ada...), January 10th, 2005 10:41 AM. (Autumn Almanac)

Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 04:34 (twenty years ago)

I'm in hysterics from everything on the enjoying the smell of your own crotch - C or D? thread. Especially the (current) latest post:

Now isn't a good time to be enjoying a tuna and mayonnaise bap.

-- Adamdrome Crankypants (...@...), January 11th, 2005. (Autumn Almanac)

caitlin (caitlin), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 07:58 (twenty years ago)

In this Politically Correct action thriller Vin Diesel travels to India to investigate an Alien sighting. Will feature the soon to be immortal line "Why is this region continuously reporting UFO sightings from various kinds of people?".
-- Hari A$hur$t (lindseyloha...), January 10th, 2005.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 12:05 (twenty years ago)

that whole thread, actually:

Pitch movie ideas that involve Vin Diesel

latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 12:08 (twenty years ago)

Joanie Loves Buccace!

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), January 11th, 2005 9:52 AM.

dave225 (Dave225), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 14:53 (twenty years ago)

hmpf.

mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 14:54 (twenty years ago)

(Credit to mark grout for koining the new spelling.)

dave225 (Dave225), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 14:56 (twenty years ago)

word.

mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 14:58 (twenty years ago)

What are some of the best lyrics that kind of "sum up the high school experience"?
-- Chris Disher (dishe...), January 11th, 2005 12:50 AM.

Answers
"my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hon"
-- j blount (jamesbloun...), January 11th, 2005 12:53 AM.

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 15:29 (twenty years ago)

today my dear aunt anni died. yes well but now with that musicnews my day's really something destroyed, something sad, something to feel. ok, i didnt really know her well. and i dont know noone of mclusky. BUT SHE NEVER EVER SAVED MY DAY!!! MCLUSKY DID!! several times...

-- DJ Mencap0))) (lack@of), January 11th, 2005 11:39 AM.

My aunt's deader than your aunt
She's got blue lips and rigor mortis
Sing it

-- aldo_cowpat (aldo.cowpa...), January 11th, 2005 11:47 AM. (aldo_cowpat)

Onimo (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 17:20 (twenty years ago)

You guys actually try to watch computer expos live on the internet? I'm dating one of you and yet still amazed any of you get laid, ever.

(msg brought to you by "clicked on this thread by accident but decided to be bitchy anyway inc.")

-- Allyzay Needs Legs More (allyza...) (webmail), January 11th, 2005 1:27 PM. (allyzay) (link)

mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 18:33 (twenty years ago)

Do you believe in God, or do you even think about things spiritually?

...

No, I don't.

-- .adam (adamr...), January 11th, 2005.

...

No, I don't.

Presuming you mean that you don't have a clue as to what I'm implying, here is a short and sweet version. Following Occam's Razor we come to the conclusion that consciousness is the [fibbity bloo blah blorg blarg poop thppbft 1001 uses for krazy glue hibbity pibbity hey nonny no parklife etc]

-- Questionizer (y...), January 11th, 2005.

TOMBOT, Tuesday, 11 January 2005 21:43 (twenty years ago)

don't get it

.adam (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 11 January 2005 21:44 (twenty years ago)

Squirrels are cute and all, but if you think about it, their face is literally a nutsack.

-- martin m. (mushrus...), January 11th, 2005. (mushrush)

j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 12 January 2005 01:17 (twenty years ago)

What did you do - shit someone to death!?
-- Trayce, January 12th, 2005 3:52 PM.

Adamdrome Crankypants (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 12 January 2005 05:12 (twenty years ago)

Oh MAN (the 'Token Kanye West vote' thread takes a strange turn):

----

the first time i ate pussy it was to a skid row song

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), January 12th, 2005.


hmm maybe delete that mods

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), January 12th, 2005.


"sweet little sister"?

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), January 12th, 2005.


"makin a mess" - PSYCHE! no seriously "i remember you"

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), January 12th, 2005.


"Midnight/Tornado"

-- gabbneb (gabbne...), January 12th, 2005.


"Slow Jamz"

-- gabbneb (gabbne...), January 12th, 2005.


haha "quicksand jesus"

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), January 12th, 2005.


"1000 Umbrellas"

-- Haibun (expresso222...), January 12th, 2005.


"wasted time"

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), January 12th, 2005.


best hijack ever

-- Matos W.K. (michaelangelomato...), January 12th, 2005.


mention of cunnilingus = immediate hijack

mention of analingus = immediate lojack

-- Haibun (expresso222...), January 12th, 2005.


people ask me why it's hot when Miccio and Blount fight, and I say because there's always the chance that they might kiss

-- Riot Gear! (speed.to.roa...), January 12th, 2005.

http://www.staticfiends.com/britney/pics/madonna/britney_madonna_kiss.jpg

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), January 12th, 2005.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 12 January 2005 06:35 (twenty years ago)

But A Nairn thinks that hippos evolved into spiders, which suggests to me that he hasn't been paying very close attention.
-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmore...), April 4th, 2003.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The hippospider -- the chickenbear's MORTAL ENEMY.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), April 4th, 2003.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hippos DID evolve into spiders, though. I have proof.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), April 4th, 2003.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

duh, Zeus
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), April 4th, 2003.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I look forward to Dan's proof, hopefully including pictures and graphs.
-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmore...), April 4th, 2003.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And a soundtrack. I wanna know what the hippospider vogues to.
-- Nick Southall (n.j.southal...), April 4th, 2003.

Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 12 January 2005 07:49 (twenty years ago)

funny how a little discussion about God turned into a big fite
-- Stevem On X (stevem7...), January 11th, 2005.

Bumfluff, Wednesday, 12 January 2005 10:37 (twenty years ago)

Woebot retiring was like Tasha Yarr being murdered by the large oil slick monster, that ILM is somewhere between Warf and Wesley Crusher, and that MP3 blogs were like Data, high on flash, short on emotion. Gutterbreakz being one of the rare glorious exceptions, of course-the Homer Simpson of Star Trek-The Next Generation, perhaps. Hats off to Jean Luc Picard, and applause for his many high minded moral decisions at times of severe crisis.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), January 12th, 2005 2:32 PM.

Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 12 January 2005 16:42 (twenty years ago)

that was golden

miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 12 January 2005 16:49 (twenty years ago)

Ronan watches a lot of Star Trek The Next Generation, doesn't he?

nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 12 January 2005 16:58 (twenty years ago)

me and a friend who luckily for him doesn't post here and hence will feel no embarassment, have started coming home slightly early from the pub to smoke spliffs and watch the re-runs just after midnight on sky one.

it is so fucking funny, the seriousness of every episode, it's aged awfully, everything they did to move it away from the sleazy old Kirk episodes has backfired and it's now the weirdest most humourless de-sexed show on TV.

Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 12 January 2005 17:02 (twenty years ago)

now that a friend has joined me in my addiction, it has worsened quite a bit.

Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 12 January 2005 17:03 (twenty years ago)

Mr Hat?

Stevem On X (blueski), Wednesday, 12 January 2005 17:11 (twenty years ago)

When Prince releases an album as magnificent as Diamond Dogs, I'll consider it, but until then, Prince isn't worthy to scrape the dung off of Bowie's shoes.
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), January 12th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Upon review, my answer reeks of self-parody...

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), January 12th, 2005.

miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 12 January 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

MY BLOOD IS ROFFLING!!!

Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 12 January 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)

Snarf. Well done, that. The Ronan was equally grand.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 12 January 2005 17:56 (twenty years ago)

wang cape!

-- luna (lunace...), January 12th, 2005.

Haibun (Begs2Differ), Wednesday, 12 January 2005 20:25 (twenty years ago)

65% scored higher,
2% scored the same, and
33% scored lower.

What does this mean? Your nerdiness is:

Not nerdy, but definitely not hip.

(!)

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), January 12th, 2005.

That test is broke!

-- Ken L (lauter...), January 12th, 2005.

I hate math and science!

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), January 12th, 2005.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 12 January 2005 21:28 (twenty years ago)

I DEMAND SHIELDS/ROSE COLLABO

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), January 12th, 2005.

play a vaccuum cleaner over every Slash solo on Appetite For Destruction for a taste

(x-post)

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), January 12th, 2005.

The Bloody Roses

-- donut christ (do...), January 12th, 2005.

"OK, Buckethead replacement, use more tremelo and whammy bar action on that solo.."

-- donut christ (do...), January 12th, 2005.

I'm imagining Axl singing on "When You Sleep." I am so grateful this thread exists.

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), January 12th, 2005.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 12 January 2005 21:42 (twenty years ago)

"hey Kevin, sorry I came in 13 hours later than I was supposed to. Somebody took my photo while I was eating cake."
"quiet, Axl. I'm not done setting the levels on the hi-hat."

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), January 12th, 2005.

Ken L (Ken L), Thursday, 13 January 2005 00:51 (twenty years ago)

Who drinks vodka for the taste?? That's like using rubber butt plugs because the cork ones don't come in blue.

-- Adamdrome Crankypants (ada...), January 13th, 2005 10:39 PM. (Autumn Almanac)

I Am Curious (George) (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 13 January 2005 04:44 (twenty years ago)

Hahah OMG I can now hear Axl singing "When You Sleep". I may never sleep again, myself.

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 13 January 2005 05:27 (twenty years ago)

Following Jon posting precisely 1.7 billion pictures of crying babies:

it's true! i am all of these GIFs. all of them.
-- American Apparel and Jeanne-Claude, January 13th, 2005 5:01 PM.

Adamdrome Crankypants (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 13 January 2005 06:02 (twenty years ago)

Okay, I officially hate myself.

-- luna not logged in (lunace...), January 13th, 2005 10:01 PM.


http://perryville.freeservers.com/cards/Hugz.jpg

-- chaki in charge (chaki.tim...), January 13th, 2005 10:13 PM.

OH GOD SEND THEM BACK

-- David R. (quoteidio...), January 13th, 2005 10:14 PM.

luna (luna.c), Thursday, 13 January 2005 06:22 (twenty years ago)

a) invite the boyfriend out for a talk
b) walk to beach
c) double dare him to "swim out whilst holding this bag of rocks, bet you can't do it, haw"
d) the sea will take care of the rest
barring that, have one wank

-- Riot Gear!

Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 13 January 2005 11:33 (twenty years ago)

Prince is one of those crazy motherfuckers that can play everything and write good songs. Bowie (who I know a fair bit less about, but have heard all the important albums) strikes me as someone who is quite limited musically but has a better ear for songwriting.

For me its a muso vs. songwriter argument.

Bowie will never have grooves like Prince, I don't think Prince will write songs that move me quite as much as Bowie has done.

Lock them both in a recording studio each for a week, on their own, with just a guitar. See what happenes.

-- TomB (b3acki...), January 13th, 2005 2:26 PM. (TomB)


Bowie would end up dressed like a guitar while Prince would have a horde of guitar-shaped babies.

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), January 13th, 2005 2:37 PM. (Dan Perry)

robster (robster), Thursday, 13 January 2005 14:41 (twenty years ago)

gareth, who do you like best out of me and Matt DC?
-- Stevem On X (stevem7...), January 13th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

matt dc
-- charltonlido (...), January 13th, 2005.

.adam (nordicskilla), Thursday, 13 January 2005 16:11 (twenty years ago)

Also

gareth, are you still better then me/us?
-- bnw (rainermrilk...), January 13th, 2005.

.adam (nordicskilla), Thursday, 13 January 2005 16:11 (twenty years ago)

What thread is that from?

Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Thursday, 13 January 2005 16:15 (twenty years ago)

Be warned, it means reading/posting on the noise board!

ASK GARETh

.adam (nordicskilla), Thursday, 13 January 2005 16:17 (twenty years ago)

The Board of Deputies of British Jews said the costume was in "bad taste".

Oh the Board of Deputies of British Jews says a lot of things.

-- Stevem On X (stevem7...), January 13th, 2005 12:47 AM. (blueski)

Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 13 January 2005 16:53 (twenty years ago)

I'd like to see the rest of the costumes from this 'colonial and native' themed party myself.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), January 13th, 2005.

I wonder if anyone went dressed as Bhabha or Said.

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), January 13th, 2005.

Allyzay Needs Legs More (allyzay), Thursday, 13 January 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

I did love that.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 13 January 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

It'd be better if they went in blackface as 'Homeboy' Bhabha.

jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 13 January 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)

Again, I think all their shirts should have that Ostrich on them. And I am going back to buy the "I hate Books" shirt. But the guys stuff has all this crap all over it. Yellow stains, and random purple threads, and brown crosses haphazardly stitched onto butts, and like prints of frogs on lapels. I'm not a japanese teenager for god's sake!

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), January 13th, 2005 2:09 PM. (spencermfi) (link)

Allyzay Needs Legs More (allyzay), Thursday, 13 January 2005 19:34 (twenty years ago)

Oo, what thread is that?

I saw a baby-onesie thingy the other day that said "I Can't Read."

nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 13 January 2005 19:46 (twenty years ago)

wtf is with the assertion that cat power is culturally obscure? gosh, even my mom knows who cat power is!
-- Ian John50n (dr.carl.saga...), January 12th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ian's mom is a Su1cide G1rl
-- LSD ARISTOCAT (jonathan.william...), January 12th, 2005.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 13 January 2005 21:34 (twenty years ago)

I have a onesie.

.adam (nordicskilla), Thursday, 13 January 2005 21:35 (twenty years ago)

a followup to my last post:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

what's her username?

-- LORD OF ALL THINGS HOMOELECTRONIC (trigonalmayhe...), January 13th, 2005.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 13 January 2005 21:37 (twenty years ago)

It's funny because it's true:

What is wrong with the world today can be entirely summarized in that the guy who translated a work with no E's into a another language but still with no E's gets like probably no groupies.
-- Gravel Puzzleworth (mostlyconnec...), January 13th, 2005. (Gregory Henry) (link)

nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 13 January 2005 21:46 (twenty years ago)

Mail: "SKIVING IMMIGRANTS RAPE PILLAGE AND DRIVE UP HOUSE PRICES"
Mirror: "EFFICIENT LABOUR POLICY CUTS IMMIGRATION FRAUD"
Telegraph: "MMPFFHH HMMF CRICKET WHERE ARE MY TEETH"

-- Gravel Puzzleworth (mostlyconnec...), January 13th, 2005 7:16 AM. (Gregory Henry)

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 13 January 2005 22:34 (twenty years ago)

nabisco, it was the Urban Outfitters thread.

Allyzay Needs Legs More (allyzay), Thursday, 13 January 2005 22:42 (twenty years ago)

From now on, I will always refer to masturbation as "writing a song for the Bangles"

-- Mike O. (mikeohh...), January 13th, 2005 10:08 AM.

the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:18 (twenty years ago)

hahaha

Who do I have to pwn to get mentioned on this thread?

Ken L (Ken L), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:19 (twenty years ago)

me

(i once wet myself and my girlfriend slept in it by accident - now you have a headstart)

Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:26 (twenty years ago)

(you can have it, thanks)

Ken L (Ken L), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:33 (twenty years ago)

From now on, I will always refer to masturbation as "writing a song for the Bangles"

-- Mike O. (mikeohh...), January 13th, 2005 10:08 AM.

-- the surface noise (slight return)

Okay, now normally I don't really care whether or not I end up on this thread, but where's the love for the set up on this joke? I mean, I made the joke, and then Mike explained it more literally and got the nod! Is there no appreciation of subtlety left on ILX!?

martin m. (mushrush), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:54 (twenty years ago)

Where does this come from?

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:56 (twenty years ago)

xpost:
( Then martin m, you're not really David Kahne after all?)

Ken L (Ken L), Thursday, 13 January 2005 23:57 (twenty years ago)

It's from a thread over on ILM:

Odd Song Trivia - a thread for the weird truth behind "hit" singles

martin m. (mushrush), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:02 (twenty years ago)

(I would just like to warn whoever moves everyone on to the next excelsior thread that they will have my emnity for, like, life.)

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:03 (twenty years ago)

what does emnity mean?

Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:04 (twenty years ago)

if it's the same thing as enmity, hostility.

mark p (Mark P), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:05 (twenty years ago)

Gravel Puzzleworth: Emnity International

martin m. (mushrush), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:05 (twenty years ago)

i think we might need a new excelsior thread.

if somebody makes one i will make extra special effort to make it a good one

Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:06 (twenty years ago)

It's like enmity but dylsexic.

Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:06 (twenty years ago)

Okay, also because they will burying this which HAHAHAHAHA


so i threaten bukkake and she'll go out with me?

-- Hari A$hur$t (lindseyloha...), January 13th, 2005.

That's sure to work.

-- Michael White (Sanmichel...), January 13th, 2005.

by day, he holds hands with girls. by night, he talks about bukkake on the internet.

ladies and gentlemen: hari ashurst.

-- mark p (mark.p****...), January 13th, 2005.

A tattoo of what?

-- Matt DC (runmd...), January 13th, 2005.

the confederate flag.

-- mark p (mark.p****...), January 13th, 2005.

in a weird parallel when i hold hands i think about bukkake and when i talk bukkake i'm thinking about semen still.

-- Hari A$hur$t (lindseyloha...), January 13th, 2005.

im getting the symbol from the front of 'D.I go pop' tattooed on my stomach.

-- Hari A$hur$t (lindseyloha...), January 13th, 2005.

those last two posts have dramatically thrown your sexuality into question.

-- mark p (mark.p****...), January 13th, 2005.

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:08 (twenty years ago)

sometimes i don't laugh at actual threads but hwen i read excelsior i think "yeah actually, that was funny" and then i laugh like a hyena on laughing drugs.

laughy algugth laught

hahaha

Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:20 (twenty years ago)

The Australian Red Cross lists having "practised male to male sex within the past 12 months" among their reasons for "Long-Term Deferrals" (ie not being able to give blood).

http://www.giveblood.redcross.org.au/Donor/guide/eligible.asp

Obviously this excludes all men in long-term gay relationships. I'm not sure how I feel about this, to be honest. I wanted to give blood last year, but since I'd been with a guy a few months prior I wasn't eligible. I was completely safe about it - probably more safe than most heterosexual encounters made by people still eligble to give blood whenever they please.

The preclusion of lesbians from this clause is also quite curious. The risks of HIV transmission between lesbian partners are much higher than generally perceived.

Isn't HIV testing enough? Don't they test the bloody they take, anyway? Shouldn't anybody having casual sex with multiple partners be similarly precluded from giving blood, regardless of sexual orientation? The risks must be comparable, in any case.

-- Andrew (n...), January 14th, 2005 11:03 AM. (enneff)

Answers

I think that ones been around a long time but yeah it is odd, it should specify unprotected sex and not be relationship specific.

The other odd one is "had any body piercing (except ear piercing) in the last 12 months ". Why are ear piercings exempt? You can get them done by a bimbo at the chemists, whereas things like nose/facial piercings are usually done at a professional place with medical like conditions.

-- Trayce (spamspanke...), January 14th, 2005 11:13 AM. (trayce)

GAY BLOOD MAKES YOU GAY. DUH.

-- Aaron Hertz (aaronh...), January 14th, 2005 11:13 AM. (AaronHz)

Also, if you lived in the UK more than six months up til 96 you can NEVER give blood wtf!

-- Trayce (spamspanke...), January 14th, 2005 11:14 AM. (trayce)

BRITISH BLOOD MAKES YOU BRITISH. DUH.

-- Andrew (n...), January 14th, 2005 11:14 AM. (enneff)

Trayce (trayce), Friday, 14 January 2005 00:30 (twenty years ago)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need to pee. does ilx dare me to wet myself?

(I think Andrew's is probably my favourite of the stunned aftermaths)

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Friday, 14 January 2005 01:16 (twenty years ago)

martin m FIRST piss your pants on the internet, THEN start talking shit, ok?
-- John (johndahle...), January 14th, 2005 1:26 AM. (jdahlem)

ken c (ken c), Friday, 14 January 2005 01:27 (twenty years ago)

hahaha

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 14 January 2005 01:37 (twenty years ago)

Even his career arc (this latest sordid cycle notwithstanding) seems to be borrowed from (or at least modelled on) a far superior and far more rewarding musician, Stevie Wonder.

could you actually explain this? because I'm not getting it at all.

-- Matos W.K. (michaelangelomato...), January 14th, 2005.


he means they're both black.

-- mark p (mark.p****...), January 14th, 2005.


PWNED

Captain GRRRios' Giggletits (Barima), Friday, 14 January 2005 03:40 (twenty years ago)

do NOT go to google and put 'madame' (minus quotes) into the image search with safe search turned off.

-- Remy IS THE Snush (jcoomb...), January 14th, 2005 10:43 PM.

well now I have to.

-- luna (lunace...), January 14th, 2005 10:44 PM.

and now I wish I'd listened.

-- luna (lunace...), January 14th, 2005 10:45 PM.

FUCK.

-- Adamdrome Crankypants (ada...), January 14th, 2005 10:49 PM.

That's some kitchen accident.

-- Adamdrome Crankypants (ada...), January 14th, 2005 10:49 PM.

luna (luna.c), Friday, 14 January 2005 06:59 (twenty years ago)

you can't craft a piss-stain like that, folks. this is the real fucking deal.

I dunno which is more disconcerting. The person who pisses himself with before and after pictures posted to the internet or the sycophant talking him up.

-- martin m. (mushrus...), January 14th, 2005 7:23 PM. (mushrush) (link)

jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 14 January 2005 07:39 (twenty years ago)

If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
-- chaki in charge (chaki.tim...), January 14th, 2005 9:47 AM.

Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 January 2005 11:19 (twenty years ago)

I HATE PEGGY NOONAN WITH A FIRE THAT MAKES HIROSHIMA LOOK LIKE A WEENIE ROAST

Hateful, insipid, patronizing, evil syphillitic succubus who probably annoits herself every morning with antiquated vials of Reagan semen samples.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), January 14th, 2005 5:28 AM

Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Friday, 14 January 2005 14:09 (twenty years ago)

oh god, i just googled for "madame"


HELP TOO MUCH LAFFS

LSD ARISTOCAT (ex machina), Friday, 14 January 2005 14:19 (twenty years ago)

"Um... Wills?"
"Yes Harry?"
"What does colonial or native mean"
"Rough translated it means Nazi or lion"
"Ok thanks"
"No problem"
"Nice lion suit by the way"
-- Onimo (gerry.wat...), January 14th, 2005.

Masked Gazza, Friday, 14 January 2005 15:37 (twenty years ago)

Mail: "SKIVING IMMIGRANTS RAPE PILLAGE AND DRIVE UP HOUSE PRICES"
Mirror: "EFFICIENT LABOUR POLICY CUTS IMMIGRATION FRAUD"
Telegraph: "MMPFFHH HMMF CRICKET WHERE ARE MY TEETH"

-- Gravel Puzzleworth (mostlyconnec...), January 13th, 2005 8:16 PM. (Gregory Henry)

beanz (beanz), Friday, 14 January 2005 16:49 (twenty years ago)

why even bother if at the end of the thread you're going to say "well at the end of the day it's an ambiguous one, and I think nothing".
good for the statscock.

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), January 14th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

haha nice contribution to the thread yourself ronan.
-- ken c (pykachu10...), January 14th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wonder about your mental age.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), January 14th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's round about that age that doesn't like having pointless arguments with morons. jesus.
-- ken c (pykachu10...), January 14th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Revive!
-- beanz (beanzil...), January 14th, 2005.

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 14 January 2005 17:20 (twenty years ago)

And yes, Luna's Fine Ass Hos does have a modicum of charm, but I was thinking simpler - a 75' pink neon sign that says 'BITCHES'.
-- luna

00ps, Friday, 14 January 2005 17:29 (twenty years ago)

Re Big Ferocious Kittens Pics that look like Snoop Dog.

"One, two, three and to the four. I bat my motherfuckin' krinkle ball under the door."
-- martin m.

jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 14 January 2005 18:13 (twenty years ago)

Coldplay's 'new' direction...

Shmool McShmool (shmuel), Friday, 14 January 2005 18:35 (twenty years ago)

Batman: The Movie is ridiculously classic, as is the commentary track that veers between self-aware and surreal (paraphrasing Adam
West: "All the money for the show was sunk into the Batcave set, with all the technology in there. If they hadn't torn down that set, the
show could have been picked up again and we would most likely still be on the air today.")

-- Jordan (jordan...), January 14th, 2005.

Huk-L, Friday, 14 January 2005 19:56 (twenty years ago)

Geri'bat'ric Man

Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 14 January 2005 19:58 (twenty years ago)

oh haha and this other black guy i met. he seemed to have a lot of japanese friends, but yeah, he was a rapper though. i went to his rap concert and he was on about thuglife4eva, and i was like bitch plz, you're from park slope!!!

-- phil-two (philtw...), January 14th, 2005 2:57 PM. (phil-two) (link)

Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead (allyzay), Friday, 14 January 2005 20:00 (twenty years ago)

be a total lame-o-zoid

-- Whoever Posts Below This is Gay (adelangsto...), January 14th, 2005 5:09 PM. (Adrian Langston) (link)

Mandee is most memorable.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), January 14th, 2005 5:10 PM. (Ned) (link)

Stevem On X (blueski), Friday, 14 January 2005 21:18 (twenty years ago)

Hey, don't let those nasty noize dudes hurt your feelings. They're just kids who but a few years ago were bullied in high school and are now becoming bullies themselves in a vicious cycle that will end in a police shootout on the outskirts of Kansas.
-- Andrew (n...), January 13th, 2005.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 15 January 2005 01:59 (twenty years ago)

I think I got known for constantly denying I was a goth, and backing this up by saying "look, see?" and posting pictures of myself looking totally goth. I didn't do it on purpose!
-- Trayce

chaki in charge (chaki), Saturday, 15 January 2005 02:06 (twenty years ago)

-- especially the last post


Balut? That explains nothing. What *is* that?!

-- Kim (grimstitc...), January 15th, 2005 5:21 PM.

http://www.asiacuisine.com.sg/Nacws/1998/9/314/

-- Martha Stewart and Jeanne-Claude (power.strik...), January 15th, 2005 5:23 PM.

is that a fertilised egg?

-- ken c (pykachu10...), January 15th, 2005 5:23 PM.

sorry xpost

-- ken c (pykachu10...), January 15th, 2005 5:24 PM.

ewww...that description made me feel ill.

-- papa november (kat...), January 15th, 2005 5:31 PM.

I would take a swing at anyone who ate that in front of me.

-- I Am Curious (George) (crumpw@bellsouth.net), January 15th, 2005 6:26 PM.

You hate filipinos?

-- Martha Stewart and Jeanne-Claude (power.strik...), January 15th, 2005 6:41 PM.

I would swing with love in my heart and brass knucks in my hand.

-- I Am Curious (George) (crumpw@bellsouth.net), January 15th, 2005 6:49 PM.

The treat with feet!

-- robots in love (robotsinlov...), January 15th, 2005 9:18 PM.

luna (luna.c), Saturday, 15 January 2005 07:19 (twenty years ago)

so what's the deal with the new Tupac "Loyal to the Game" album? almost fully produced by... Eminem.

-- contribute (a...), January 14th, 2005.

Loyal to the Gnome

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), January 14th, 2005. (vassifer)

Alex, that was so stupid.

-- Al (hoteloper...), January 15th, 2005. (sitcom)

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Saturday, 15 January 2005 08:15 (twenty years ago)

When Ken's himself RickyT shouts at him.

-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), January 10th, 2005.

youn, Saturday, 15 January 2005 09:22 (twenty years ago)

Ahahah Chaki I kiss you.

Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 15 January 2005 09:37 (twenty years ago)

youn was it absolutely necessary that you excelsior that post?

ken c (ken c), Saturday, 15 January 2005 10:55 (twenty years ago)

No, it wasn't. I'm sorry if it hurt your feelings. (Or is this a joke, and am I supposed to respond by doing it again?)

youn, Saturday, 15 January 2005 23:35 (twenty years ago)

What a night! Time to lay back and listen to the powerful renderings of The Workhouse.

reflect.

Ste (Fuzzy), Sunday, 16 January 2005 03:08 (twenty years ago)

erm wrong thread

Ste (Fuzzy), Sunday, 16 January 2005 03:16 (twenty years ago)

Go make a cup of tea John.
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), January 16th, 2005 9:06 AM.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I PROMISE 2 ONCE U TALK ABOUT BEAR MOTHERFUCKING CREME
-- John (johndahle...), January 16th, 2005 9:08 AM.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ALSO STONERS ARE PATHETIC PANSIES AFRAID IN 99% OF CASES T OTRY ANY REAL DRUGS. OOH LOOKIT US WE SMOKE DITCHWEED HUHU I FEELL HIGH IR WAIT JUST A HEADACHE BUT DUDE ITS TOTALLY RAD
-- John (johndahle...), January 16th, 2005 9:09 AM.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And you're afraid to make a cup of tea! Who's the pansy now.
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), January 16th, 2005 9:23 AM.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah all the real men are junkies and tweakers, huh.
-- Aaron Hertz (aaronh...), January 16th, 2005 9:27 AM.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This thread is reminding me uncomfortably of the time I met 14n P3nm4n.
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), January 16th, 2005 9:31 AM.

Matt DC (Matt DC), Sunday, 16 January 2005 11:50 (twenty years ago)

No, it wasn't. I'm sorry if it hurt your feelings. (Or is this a joke, and am I supposed to respond by doing it again?)
-- youn (younno...), January 15th, 2005 11:35 PM.

haha no it was just a reference.

ken c (ken c), Sunday, 16 January 2005 12:08 (twenty years ago)

DUDE. i am not doing this for attention just like i have nothing else to do and i'm on mutlipe drugs and non one else is online so wtf does it matter. i am so nottally not going to harm myself. i feel almost-ok right now. plz calm down. if i truly feel like i'm dying or something yeah i'll post that but until then chill.
xpost i dont do sex, yes/ amd yes i do have a fully functional pener

-- John (johndahle...), January 16th, 2005 8:20 AM.


fully functional pener !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
-- dog latin (doglati...), January 16th, 2005 8:23 AM.


Which reminds me of the time I met 14n P3n3rm4n
-- Masked Gazza (crisp...), January 16th, 2005 12:10 PM.

Matt DC (Matt DC), Sunday, 16 January 2005 13:01 (twenty years ago)

TORCHA!

-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), January 15th, 2005 9:08 PM. (Ned) (link)


Yeahhh, torture motherfucker what?
(Torture nigga what?)
What?
I'll fuckin
I'll fuckin tie you to a fuckin bedpost
with your ass cheeks spread out and shit
Right?
Put a hanger on a fuckin stove and let that shit sit there
for like a half hour
Take it off and stick it in your ass slow like
Tssssssss

Yeah, I'll fuckin
Yeah I'll fuckin lay your nuts on a fuckin dresser
Just your nuts layin on a fuckin dresser
And bang them shits with a spiked fuckin bat
Ooooohhhh
Whassup? BLAOWWW!!

I'll fuckin
I'll fuckin pull your fuckin tongue out your fuckin mouth
and stab the shit with a rusty screwdriver, BLAOWW!!
I'll fuckin

I'll fuckin
I'll fuckin hang you by your fuckin dick
off a fuckin twelve sto-story building out this motherfucker

I'll fuckin
I'll fuckin
sew your asshole closed, and keep feedin you
and feedin you, and feedin you, and feedin you

-- Eisbär (llamasfu...) (webmail), January 16th, 2005 7:51 PM. (llamasfur) (link)

Martha Stewart and Jeanne-Claude (deangulberry), Sunday, 16 January 2005 19:02 (twenty years ago)

The bigger they rise, the harder they fall. I'm quietly observing the long game at this point.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), January 16th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You sound like Mr. Burns.
-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), January 16th, 2005.

Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Sunday, 16 January 2005 21:20 (twenty years ago)

From the eating dinner next to dre3k thread:

he actually says "alrightalrightalright."

you should've said "lend me some catsup, i am your neighbour"

-- Stevem On X (stevem7...), January 10th, 2005. (blueski)

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 17 January 2005 06:15 (twenty years ago)

OOOPS:

Once I masturbated while watching Larry Emdur and came almost immediately. If I couldn't post anonymously I wouldn't be telling you this.

-- Autumn Almanac (ada...), January 17th, 2005.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 17 January 2005 07:34 (twenty years ago)

Andrew: Yes, you're cute. But Unread Answers still doesn't work!!!

-- I Am Curious (George) (crumpw@bellsouth.net), January 17th, 2005 12:07 PM. (Rock Hardy)

Trayce (trayce), Monday, 17 January 2005 10:53 (twenty years ago)

Dude once I saw Ann Currie have a whole nationally-televised conversation where she thought Sherlock Holmes was a real person who wrote books, and the guest couldn't figure out a workable way of correcting her. Sometimes she's awfully cute, though.

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), January 17th, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 17 January 2005 21:58 (twenty years ago)

BTW, my cousin died in a violent thread derail.

-- heavy d interpol herpes

00ps, Tuesday, 18 January 2005 01:38 (twenty years ago)

=can someone tell me, is the whole aleve is bad for you an urban myth? because I use it all the time and have always bought it....what's the deal on this?

-- owen reading (owenreadin...), January 18th, 2005.


I thought this would be another John thread.

-- Aaron Hertz (aaronh...), January 18th, 2005.


i did too!!

-- John (johndahle...), January 18th, 2005.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 01:42 (twenty years ago)

Goddammit, Ned, you beat me to it by 15 seconds.

I Am Curious (George) (Rock Hardy), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 01:43 (twenty years ago)

Kelsey Grammer looks like a motherfucker with some dark secrets

That sloping forehead and those eyes make him look like he's in perpetual Jack Torrance mode. Anyone want to go down to the Grammer basement with a flashlight? Not me, 'cuz you know he's down there with a blade, some rope, and a hogtied George Wendt. Bet he's pissed that a list of his top three "characters played" would be a) a psychiatrist who has perpetual trouble with the ladies, perhaps because he's swishy, b) a cartoon character and c) some jerk in some lousy DeNiro movie that no one saw.

I am not drunk.

-- Riot Gear! (speed.to.roa...), January 18th, 2005.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 01:55 (twenty years ago)

but still, dude's gonna be discovered by security some night on the old Cheers set, covered in applesauce and cradling Ted Danson's severed head

-- Riot Gear! (speed.to.roa...), January 18th, 2005 1:04 PM. (Gear!)

Gear, get not-drunker, that's awesome.

-- I Am Curious (George) (crumpw@bellsouth.net), January 18th, 2005 1:06 PM. (Rock Hardy)

Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 02:16 (twenty years ago)

Bah! Science! Science also doubted that a man could have a three-foot penis. But I showed science.

-- nabisco (--...), January 17th, 2005 2:02 PM. (nabisco)

Well, Tara Reid, anyway, but she was wearing glasses and holding a clipboard, so I think that made her a scientist.

-- nabisco (--...), January 17th, 2005 2:03 PM. (nabisco)

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Tuesday, 18 January 2005 02:19 (twenty years ago)

You know, that ship in that one scene near the end of "Alien" is a Predator ship.

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), January 17th, 2005

Leeeter van den Hoogenband (Leee), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 03:16 (twenty years ago)

Hahah, where did Dan bring that one up?

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 03:24 (twenty years ago)

i just came here to paste the aleve thing.

mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 03:45 (twenty years ago)

re: Ed Grimley, upthread:

good lord i love him! he inspired me to purchase a triangle.

-- Emilymv

ted crumke (0ops), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 03:46 (twenty years ago)

john is like a tweakier ramosi

mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 03:46 (twenty years ago)

We should follow the Inuit tradition I just made up whereby we smack the offender with mackeral until they cry.

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), January 17th, 2005.

sundar subramanian (sundar), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 03:47 (twenty years ago)

i've had both beck and aesop on my wishlist for two hours and two weeks, respectively, and nothing yet.

-- Roger Fidelity (blindjimdeat...), January 18th, 2005. (Roger Fidelity)

funny, they're both on my ipod but i feel the same way

-- mark p (mark.p****...), January 18th, 2005. (Mark P)

j blount (papa la bas), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 03:54 (twenty years ago)

Mark wins there.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 04:03 (twenty years ago)

BOO TO THAT

What's this place, Biblevania? (natepatrin), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 04:40 (twenty years ago)

Ned: Pred ships be derelictin

Leeeter van den Hoogenband (Leee), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 05:00 (twenty years ago)

Phoenix???
Jesus, it's almost Level 42, for fuck's sake

-- zeus (zeuszk...), January 18th, 2005.

I like to think of them as Level 43.

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), January 18th, 2005. (spencermfi)

j blount (papa la bas), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 09:52 (twenty years ago)

from 'There Is A Richard X Remix of "Goodies" feat. MIA

What, THE Goodies???

-- NickB (nic...), January 18th, 2005.

http://www.streetsonline.co.uk/product_images/10/84/60/10846000.jpg
-- NickB (nic...), January 18th, 2005.

'IT SOUNDS LIKE PARLIAMENT ON A BAD DAY'
- the making of 'The Funky Gibbon'


Bill Oddie:
You won't believe the musical pretensions that went on in my head. I listened to a lot of jazz and a lot of funk, and that period of the '70s for me was fantastic - it was really the era when fusion started. The people I liked were Sly Stone and early Parliament, and I listened to what was happening in jazz at the time, when Miles Davis was coming up with some very interesting hybrid music. With 'Funky Gibbon', I started off - it's almost unbelievable considering how stupid the song is - trying to get the feel of a Miles Davis track, I can't remember which, probably just after Bitches Brew and that sort of era: some really choppy Miles Davis-type rhythm, again with a Sly Stone influence.
We had marvellous musicians on those sessions, but they couldn't get it. They knew what I was sort of trying to do, but I probably listened to that sort of thing more than they did, and it was driving us nuts, so we sent the drummer and the bass-player and the guitarist home. And I had a keyboard player called Dave Macrae, who'd played with Matching Mole and Robert Wyatt and people like that - governor player - and he started playing some clavinet, very Stevie Wonder-type feel to it, and I said, 'That's fine; could you do a synth-bass on it?'
And then I literally started whacking the top of the grand piano. So the actual rhythm-track of 'The Funky Gibbon' has only got me and Dave on it - he plays clavinet and synth-bass and we miked up the top of the piano. Then we got the horn section of Gonzales playing a Memphis Horns-type thing. It was lovely for me to be able to use musicians I liked and try to reproduce sounds which I also listened to. And then put the stupid song over the top of it. The idea that all that effort went into 'The Funky Gibbon'!
It sounds like Parliament on a bad day, or something like that [laughs], that kind of thing. I think subconsciously people feel it - this was always my theory about it, I thought: I want the music to sound good or authentic, whatever style it happens to be in.

-- NickB (nic...), January 18th, 2005.

I'm barking up the wrong tree here aren't I?

-- NickB (nic...), January 18th, 2005.

Mind you, Bill Oddie makes Funky Gibbon sound AWESOME.

-- NickB (nic...), January 18th, 2005.

Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 13:19 (twenty years ago)

So what year is it allegedly in the series? An eternal 1979?

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), January 18th, 2005 1:58 PM.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I sometimes think that about ILM, Ned.
-- Pleasant Plains /// (acewhiskeyinexil...), January 18th, 2005 4:37 PM

Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 18:40 (twenty years ago)

that was custom made for excelsior

latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 18:55 (twenty years ago)

THERE. WILL. BE. NO. GENTLE. BEATINGS. FOR. DERIDING. RIDE. ONLY. CRAZED. MERCILESS. ONES. FEATURING. LOTS. OF. SWEAR-WORDS. AND. GRUNTING.
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), January 18th, 2005.

sexy!

Masked Gazza, Tuesday, 18 January 2005 20:50 (twenty years ago)

http://www.cnbce.com/i/pr-dizi/frasier.jpg

"The dog spoke to me, the dog told me to do it!"
-- papa november, January 18th, 2005 2:20 PM.

Are they all having sex with each other?
-- Bernard the Butler, January 18th, 2005 2:21 PM.

I dunno.
-- papa november, January 18th, 2005 2:22 PM.

Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 18 January 2005 22:56 (twenty years ago)

from the T.I./Ludacris Internet Beef thread:

you guys have got the gist of it. a couple weeks back, ludacris officially threw his support behind firefox (check sohh.com for more) and then t.i. (who hates open source) went on the offensive with some nasty DOS attacks and then well, you know how these things go.

-- mark p (mark.p****...), January 18th, 2005.

Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 00:24 (twenty years ago)

I had sort of a Seinfeld moment Friday. I parked my car on a street and walked to an ATM. A parking attendant was ticketing a car
parked in a handicapped spot a couple of car lengths down from me. Two minutes later when I walked back, he was ticketing MY
car! I hadn't noticed the "no parking between 12pm and 3pm on Friday" sign. I walk up and say, "hey I was just getting cash from
the ATM, didn't you see me walk by?" and he said "Yes". I asked him, "Why didn't you tell me to move or else I'd get a ticket?" He
just handed me the ticket and said, "Sorry." So I said something like "Okay, I just don't see why you didn't warn me, that's all. I
thought parking ticket guy etiquette was to throw out a warning or something. My mistake."

I was pretty pissed, guy could have said something.

-- Riot Gear! (speed.to.roa...), January 18th, 2005. (Gear!)

Don't worry, chances are he will be eating in the same restaurant as you a week from now and some sort of comedy incident will
occur.

-- .ada.m. (adamr...), January 18th, 2005. (nordicskilla)

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 02:45 (twenty years ago)

But then we are all denied Phil Oakey haircuts! If I still watched the show, anyay.

Well, there was an episode where a 'Ghost of Relationships Past, Present, and Future'-type figure showed Eric a scary future in the 80s. Fez had Flock of Seagulls-style hair. He sang "I Ran", accompanying himself on a Yamaha keytar.

-- sundar subramanian (sundar_subramanian200...), January 19th, 2005 1:21 PM. (sundar)

Wait, how is that scary?

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), January 19th, 2005 1:23 PM. (Ned)

Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 03:29 (twenty years ago)

Other Music by poortheatre

(Lights up on youthful, bright-eyed, rosy-cheeked customer, BILLY, from the Midwest, browsing the pretentious "Out" section at Other Music. He approaches the clerk, MASAHR, a sallow, sickly, gangling fellow propped up on a stool.)

Billy: Excuse me--(Masahr emits an low gurgle)--excuse me, it seems like you might be out of the (Referring hesitantly to print-out of Pitchfork's "Best New Music" page) Soof-jan.. Stevens disc I'm looking for. I checked under--(Another gurgle)--are you okay? (Masahr attempts to gesture, but falls off the stool, dead, and lands in a heap, crushing his horn-rimmed glasses.) Oh my god! (A wiser customer, THURSTON, has overheard their conversation, and approaches.)

Thurston: Don't worry, he's dead.

Billy: (Horrified) What did I do?

Thurston: You must have said the name of a band that wasn't Swedish--or Arthur Russel. (Another Clerk, LAHASIA, lurches by soullessly towards Masahr's body and begins feasting on it. Thurston addresses her.) Excuse me, befrielse från förpliktelse förevändning, undanflykt "Kenneth Higney - Attic Demonstration" låta gå på toaletten? (They laugh, as Lahasia lights up and momentarily becomes something resembling a human.)

Lahasia: (Picking out a record from the shelf) Jodå. (She smiles and begins to walk off before Thurston stops her.)

Thurston: Oh, and, dödsfall bergmån ein "Application"? (She falls over dead.)

BLACKOUT

-- poortheatre (gah24...), January 19th, 2005.

donut christ (donut), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 04:04 (twenty years ago)

He has this reputation as great pop polymath but I don't get how he's really any better than Elton John, myself, they have both listened to many records and have good collections. I mean, "Philadelphia Freedom" seems to me a better record than any of Costello's Stax/Hi/Motown pastiches on "Get Happy!!" I think they work at about the same level of thought, Costello was angrier maybe. Maybe Elvis read the newspaper more thoroughly? Difference between the Thatcher era and the late Nixon/Ford/Jimmy Carter era? Hell, I don't know, I try not to think about Elvis Costello any more if I can help it. He doesn't really seem worth worrying about/poking a stick at, to me. Never really listened to Diana Krall but I give him points for marrying her, she's perfectly OK-looking I guess and he could've done worse, far worse, so I don't see anything wrong with that. Everyone should be able to be happy at home, right?

-- eddie hurt (eddshur...) (webmail), January 19th, 2005 3:45 AM. (ddduncan) (link)

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 04:33 (twenty years ago)

Ashlee Simpson: Simon "voice, performance, fine titties, great ass, this bitch got the whole package"
Randy: Sho nuff

-- lukey (picninj...), January 19th, 2005.

Bumfluff, Wednesday, 19 January 2005 16:26 (twenty years ago)

Chris (speaking awkwardly): Gud morgan, meen hern and damen! Ich bin sehr shayn ... er ... meyn namen ist, und ... ich hab liebe far deyn musique ...

Florian: We speak English.

Chris (relieved): Oh, jolly good!

Florian: Why the child?

Chris: Oh, so sorry chaps. This is Apple ... (to baby) ... say hello Apple, say wewwo to the techno men!

Florian: Is it a fruit or a person?

Chris: She is my daughter!

Florian: Your daughter is fruit?

Chris: (somewhat taken aback) Well, no, she is a baby, of course, but we named her Apple. It is a very hip name, very Hollywood, as they say.

Florian: In Germany, we think it is inappropriate to bestow food names upon our children.

My mascara is running (Anna), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

Bowie can clearly be seen leaping and pirouetting over a shark's dorsal fin in Labyrinth, people.

-- The Mad Puffin (pfnwrit...), January 19th, 2005 7:47 AM. (The Mad Puffin)


I love Labyrinth, but that one totally got me.

Aaron Hertz (AaronHz), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 21:34 (twenty years ago)

This Is The Thread Where I Ask My Brother, Dan Bunnybrain, What He Thinks Of Today's Pop Hit-Makers!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey dan, what do you think of that Lindsay Lohan? And what about hillary duff?
-- scott seward (skotro...), January 20th, 2005.

Answers
Did the new Destiny's Child single do anything for you?
-- scott seward (skotro...), January 20th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh no, he went to bed. Well, maybe tomorrow.
-- scott seward (skotro...), January 20th, 2005.

Haibun (Begs2Differ), Thursday, 20 January 2005 02:48 (twenty years ago)

It's the point at which something clearly goes to irredeemable shit. From the episode of Happy Days in which the Fonz water-ski jumps over a shark, I believe.
-- noodle vague (noodle_vagu...), January 20th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[because up to that point Happy Days had otherwise been a well-scripted, impeccably acted, tour de force of nostalgia-based comic hilarity]
-- Shakey Mo Collier (audiobo...), January 20th, 2005.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 20 January 2005 07:22 (twenty years ago)

I laughed like a drain at:

The people on the platform look like they're being sucked into the void!
-- Matt DC (runmd...), January 20th, 2005 2:00 PM. (Matt DC)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We call it 'Croydon'
-- Dave B (dave.boyl...), January 20th, 2005 2:21 PM. (daveb)

But probably only because I spent two hours yesterday narrowly avoiding being sucked into the void of Croydon by Southern Trains last night...

Masonic Boom-Boom (kate), Thursday, 20 January 2005 14:25 (twenty years ago)

It is my opinion that the Dave Matthews Band's success comes from their earth-toned acoustical music, their buttoned flannel shirts and their khaki pants, their heart-laced lyrics, and the need for many Jerry Garcia "Dead Head" survivors to find a new musical connection to life.

-- mr.smurf (cosmic_hipp...), January 20th, 2005 2:18 AM.

Riot Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 20 January 2005 17:44 (twenty years ago)

It's funny because it's true.

Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Thursday, 20 January 2005 17:45 (twenty years ago)

(1) From DC tonight: NOISE AGAINST FACISM:

Down with faces!
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), January 20th, 2005. (Ned) (link)

(2) From the current Chicago thread:

hi guys, i'm looking for amateurist.
-- s1ocki (slytus...), January 20th, 2005. (slutsky) (link)

Can I ask who's calling?
-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), January 20th, 2005. (jaymc) (link)

this is mark from montreal. can i leave a message if he's not around?
-- s1ocki (slytus...), January 20th, 2005. (slutsky) (link)

yeah, does he have your number?
-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), January 20th, 2005. (jaymc) (link)

i don't think so! do you have a piece of paper around? i think he has my email address, though, he can always send me a message
-- s1ocki (slytus...), January 20th, 2005. (slutsky) (link)

okay, go ahead.
-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), January 20th, 2005. (jaymc) (link)

ok just tell him mark says hi and to email me when he can! thanks a lot!
-- s1ocki (slytus...), January 20th, 2005. (slutsky) (link)

all right, i'll let him know!
-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), January 20th, 2005. (jaymc) (link)

word! bye!
-- s1ocki (slytus...), January 20th, 2005. (slutsky) (link)

nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 20 January 2005 20:11 (twenty years ago)

haha wtf guys

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Thursday, 20 January 2005 20:26 (twenty years ago)

I wish there was a term limit on the amount of time people could have rent stabilized/controlled apartments before they had to pass it on to someone else. Just like whoever is with Johnny Depp should have a term limit before someone else can have him.
-- S!monB!rch (flembac...) (webmail), January 19th, 2005 1:09 PM. (Carey) (link)

world's best grandpa (deangulberry), Thursday, 20 January 2005 21:49 (twenty years ago)

Ichabod Cock

-- Michael White (Sanmichel...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 20 January 2005 21:55 (twenty years ago)

No no, the "exquisite dick joke" is a classic surrealist game. One person writes something about his penis, then folds the page, and then the next person writes something about his penis, and so on around the room. You'd be amazed how many Great White songs were written this way.
-- nabisco (--...), January 20th, 2005.

the first church of latebloomer, friend of plebians and santa (reformed) (latebl, Thursday, 20 January 2005 22:47 (twenty years ago)

Guy: I need to buy some better scissors.
Hardware store employee: Sure thing, what kind of material are you cutting?
Guy: COCK.

-- nickalicious (nickaliciou...), January 20th, 2005 4:35 PM.

MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Friday, 21 January 2005 00:05 (twenty years ago)

where can i see tubgirl?

-- cutty (holle...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

search "tubgirl"

-- .ada.m. (adamr...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

oh, i've seen all that.

-- cutty (holle...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you've seen a lot of things.

-- .ada.m. (adamr...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

including "that"

-- Matt (Mat...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

...but I've never been to me.

-- j.lu (jlut...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 21 January 2005 00:09 (twenty years ago)

gosh

-- Matt (Mat...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

oh well, I'm over it now, next atrocity please.

-- Matt (Mat...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 21 January 2005 00:12 (twenty years ago)

I think the remaining members of the Beatles and the Who should fuse into a "supergroup" amoeboid structure known as either The Whootles or, more realistically, The Boo.
-- Drew Daniel (mces...) (webmail), January 21st, 2005 4:01 PM. (Drew Daniel) (link)

Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 21 January 2005 00:23 (twenty years ago)

i was gonna past that Matt thing, too.

()()P$ (()()ps), Friday, 21 January 2005 00:27 (twenty years ago)

hahahahahahaa seriously, if we all pray for this at the same time

(x-post re: The Boo)

miccio (miccio), Friday, 21 January 2005 00:27 (twenty years ago)

I'd love to see a version of Super Mario where a latent gluten allergy causes him to throw up his lasagne mid-somersault, thereby decalibrating his acrobatic precision causing him to land on his neck and die instantly.

-- Autumn Almanac (ada...), January 20th, 2005 8:04 AM. (Autumn Almanac)

Trayce (trayce), Friday, 21 January 2005 00:43 (twenty years ago)

what did tubgirl do?
-- phil-two, January 20th, 2005 10:49 AM.

she made a horrible mess.
-- .ada.m., January 20th, 2005 10:49 AM.

Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 21 January 2005 00:59 (twenty years ago)

It is "Dominique."

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005 1:06 PM. (jaymc) (link)

never heard that name for a man. but regardless, i like his reviews and he was friendly to my friend. thumbs up.

-- zach farver (zachmeno...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005 1:09 PM. (link)

Did you follow the NBA in the late 80s?

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005 1:11 PM. (jaymc) (link)

What's this place, Biblevania? (natepatrin), Friday, 21 January 2005 02:26 (twenty years ago)

WORD

j blount (papa la bas), Friday, 21 January 2005 03:18 (twenty years ago)

"No, honey, I said wash your slang, not......."

-- Masked Gazza (crisp...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005 6:39 PM. (link)

"No, darling, I said prop your chick, not........"

-- Masked Gazza (crisp...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005 6:39 PM. (link)

I AM NOT CLICKING THIS LINK

-- C('ing on)urt1sss (curtis.stephens@gmail.com) (webmail), January 20th, 2005 6:40 PM. (Curtis Stephens) (link)

"No, darling, I said jack your hunk, not......"

-- Masked Gazza (crisp...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005 6:41 PM. (link)

"No darling I said DON'T CHOP THE END OFF OF YOUR FUCKING PENIS not..."

-- Matt (Mat...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005 6:48 PM. (Matt) (link)

Tep (ktepi), Friday, 21 January 2005 04:02 (twenty years ago)

I'm pretty sure next season Clark goes back in time and uses his heat vision to solder shut the doors on the General Lee.

-- Tep (icaneatglas...), January 20th, 2005.

Huk-L, Friday, 21 January 2005 14:43 (twenty years ago)

I proclaim Matt the king of the anti-knob gag.

Bernard the Butler (Lynskey), Friday, 21 January 2005 14:51 (twenty years ago)

Conor Oberst is now officially more overexposed that Lindsey Lohan

teeny (teeny), Friday, 21 January 2005 14:53 (twenty years ago)

Long, but so worth it -- and if you haven't been to ILX Screenwriters Presents 'It was all Yello: The Coldwerk Sessions' then you must correct this.

---

Scene [Wolfgang, driving a car somewhere in a mountainous region of Switzerland]:

[to audience}
I knew he would call. This was completely expected on my part -- insurance policy, ha! Dieter may have believed that he could handle Kraftwerk on his own, but I knew better. Kraftwerk cannot be trusted, only a man such as myself is capable of handling them. I know their thoughts and their fears, for I know them better than they know themselves. Ralf and Florian are like black ice on the roads of the Autobahn. To most people, the road is expansive and inviting, much like the lush cover art on our album of the same name. However, black ice can unravel this drivers utopia in an instant. One minute you are driving, the next, you are slipping off the road and bound for unavoidable carnage. This is what dealing with Kraftwerk is like. Dieter thought his plan was foolproof -- but no! -- the icy hand of Kraftwerk can snatch defeat from victory in an instant.

And how could I resist a trip to the Swiss Alps! There will surely be many Italians where we are staying. I relish every oppurtunity to celebrate my Italian heritage. Italians love to eat, drink, meet women, party, and go to discos. So do I. I have no doubt that this endeavour will be beneficial in stimulating my creativity. Adventure is the greatest source of creativity.

Dieter and Boris treat me so well. Better than Ralf and Florian ever did. A chartered plane to fly me to Zurich! A car waiting for me at the airport, with instructions to meet them in a secret mountain location! My arrangements has been impeccably organized -- this is Swiss efficiency. With Kraftwerk, I spent eight years fixing a synthesizer. They do not know how to work efficiently. Well, I will show them. I don't know what Kraftwerk are planning to do, but it is sure to be dastardly, and I will foil it.

I wonder what Dieter meant when he said that my help would be "rewarded through musical investment"? Perhaps we will collaborate on an album? I wonder who will be there to work on this album? I am feeling considerable inspiration from this drive, perhaps the new Yamo album can have a mountain theme as well as a flower theme?

MOUNTAIN SONG
(lyrics by Wolfgang Flur)

Coming down the mountain ...
Into your waiting arms
How pretty is the snow!
It can do us no harm!

We embrace the mountain
Its snow-capped peaks
Rounded like the perfect breast
Or your rosy cheeks

[continues driving]
---

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 21 January 2005 16:32 (twenty years ago)

Argh, I forgot to include who posted that originally -- MindInRewind aka Barry B.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 21 January 2005 16:33 (twenty years ago)

Ned as the dog that plays piano in the muppets. Whatever it's name is.
-- papa november (kat...), January 21st, 2005 7:20 AM. (papa november)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rowlf
-- Dadaismus (dadaismu...), January 21st, 2005 7:21 AM. (Dada)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rowlf.
-- mark grout (mark.grou...), January 21st, 2005 7:21 AM. (mark grout)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rowlf
-- Dadaismus (dadaismu...), January 21st, 2005 7:21 AM. (Dada)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rowlf Rowlf.
-- mark grout (mark.grou...), January 21st, 2005 7:27 AM. (mark grout)

nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 21 January 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

This is a classic case of conflicted emotions:
"There ain't no reason to censor said image, which while a bit florid perhaps is hardly a bad thing at all. Idiocy is at play."

vs.

"HAW HAW HAW PRECIOUS OPERA BOY GETS HIS. Take your damn ditties and warble and go hide in a box."

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), January 21st, 2005
-----------

(I misread "ditties" as "titties" and was very confused.)
-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), January 21st, 2005

Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Friday, 21 January 2005 18:40 (twenty years ago)

chicken is for assholes
-- Riot Gear! (speed.to.roa...) (webmail), January 21st, 2005 11:20 AM. (Gear!) (link)

world's best grandpa (deangulberry), Friday, 21 January 2005 19:26 (twenty years ago)

Fried chicken is for inmates.

http://deadmaneating.com/

-- Pears can just fuck right off. (fluxion2...), January 21st, 2005 11:32 AM.

I think they just get it to be ironic.

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), January 21st, 2005 11:33 AM.

luna (luna.c), Friday, 21 January 2005 19:38 (twenty years ago)

HAIL SATAN!

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 21 January 2005 20:31 (twenty years ago)

Dan wins:

---

"Raver Chicks on 'E' > Hippie Chicks on Acid."
Prove me wrong!

-- Lord Custos Epsilon (L.Custo...), January 21st, 2005.

Answers

Is there a sniper out there who accepts AMEX?

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), January 21st, 2005.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 21 January 2005 20:52 (twenty years ago)

adam's guide to CULTURE

cutty (mcutt), Friday, 21 January 2005 21:07 (twenty years ago)

This one in particular is fucking killing me!:

those aren't shoes, they're retarded snow tires
-- mark p (mark.p****...), January 21st, 2005 3:50 PM. (Mark P)

nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 21 January 2005 21:09 (twenty years ago)

not funny

.ada.m. (nordicskilla), Friday, 21 January 2005 21:11 (twenty years ago)

just a bit of fun, let's be cool

cutty (mcutt), Friday, 21 January 2005 21:14 (twenty years ago)

so they were out of airport expresses at the store today! the guy told me i should just get a non-apple 802.11g router, which was a little cheaper, but i was kinda wary. should i just go for it? what brand?

-- s1ocki (slytus...), January 22nd, 2005 10:41 AM.


linksys. not Netgear. and not whatever else. But actually linksys routers can be kind of gay too, Ally's had some run-ins with hers, like f'rinstance there's currently no way to run a firmware update on one without a windows PC. Should have asked the guy in the store. Then again if he told you to go get a non-apple router instead of the express he's probably just a dickface anyway.

-- TOMBOT (e...), January 22nd, 2005 10:50 AM.


he did have a penis on his face.

-- s1ocki (slytus...), January 22nd, 2005 10:57 AM.

estela (estela), Saturday, 22 January 2005 00:07 (twenty years ago)

And what makes you think that I have no attention span?

-- Nowell (noelcollin...), January 21st, 2005 5:32 PM. (Nowell)

Aaron Hertz (AaronHz), Saturday, 22 January 2005 01:34 (twenty years ago)

Dontcha just hate these PR/Marketing inspired one word names for political parties/ oraganisations etc, you know, Veritas, Corus, Consignia, Respect (Self-Regard would have been a more appropriate name in Galloway's case) - what's wrong with straightforward, old-fashioned, names that explain exactly what an orgainsation does and stands for? The Union of British Fascists for instance.
-- Dadaismus (dadaismu...), January 21st, 2005.

Bumfluff, Saturday, 22 January 2005 02:47 (twenty years ago)

I think movie trailers for snarky kid/baby vs. criminal/babysitter/goofy adult movies killed off all my tolerance for Thorogood more than any jukebox rednecks.

FADE IN:
Dude 1 (to Dude 2): Dude, this job is going to be easy. Free place to stay on the island and all we have to do is babysit an 8 year old

Dude 2: Schweet!

CUT TO:
Evil kid on Big Wheel with devilish grin. Cue opening riff of "Bad To The Bone"

-- Gator Magoon (quartzcit...) (webmail), January 21st, 2005 6:50 PM. (Chris Barrus) (link)

What's this place, Biblevania? (natepatrin), Saturday, 22 January 2005 05:43 (twenty years ago)

Alright, then.
You know, I wish I hadn't said that. It makes me seem wishy-washy...
-- Nowell (noelcollin...), January 22nd, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Uh, just thinking aloud.
-- Nowell (noelcollin...), January 22nd, 2005.

the first church of latebloomer, friend of plebians and santa (reformed) (latebl, Saturday, 22 January 2005 09:12 (twenty years ago)

omg!! gator so otm, except that he left out that the baby is wearing SUNGLASSES!!

s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 22 January 2005 18:19 (twenty years ago)

Who would star in the film? Topher and that Kuchner clown?

Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 22 January 2005 18:23 (twenty years ago)

Alvin from the Chipmunks.

Kim (Kim), Saturday, 22 January 2005 18:34 (twenty years ago)

Seann William Scott, surely.

jaymc (jaymc), Saturday, 22 January 2005 19:10 (twenty years ago)

i was gonna say!

s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 22 January 2005 19:13 (twenty years ago)

Assclown Kutcher.

Bumfluff, Saturday, 22 January 2005 19:25 (twenty years ago)

http://www.metronews.ca/lifestyle/details.asp?id=1762
Count the awesome things about this page.

-- Daniel Cohen (danielcohe...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005 7:01 PM. (dayan) (link)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have counted the camel-toe, but it cannot be filed under awesome.
-- Kim (grimstitc...) (webmail), January 20th, 2005 7:11 PM. (Kim) (link)

joe suzuki-san (deangulberry), Saturday, 22 January 2005 19:32 (twenty years ago)

http://www.the-n.com/ntv/shows/image/daria/dar_tom_220x130.jpg
-- Dom Passantino (juror...), January 22nd, 2005 2:51 PM

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spencer Chow was in Daria? (XP)

-- joe suzuki-san (power.strik...), January 22nd, 2005 7:34 PM.

Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Saturday, 22 January 2005 20:01 (twenty years ago)

I believe there's a thread about 'rockism' somewhere.
-- Bumfluff (yy...) (webmail), January 21st, 2005 7:58 AM. (link)

joe suzuki-san (deangulberry), Saturday, 22 January 2005 20:24 (twenty years ago)

Well, there are different kinds of aloof. For instance, suppose you know a girl who you have the hots for who really likes Pearl Jam and she asks you whether you like them too. Now usually the thought of listening to Pearl Jam makes you ill - but a little voice in your head tells you that maybe they aren't so bad after all. So do you tell her the truth - that you don't dig them - and come off as being aloof, or do you kind of fudge it a bit, or do you give in completely and pretend that they're your favorite band? Or maybe you should say, "Well I never liked them much before, but if you like them, maybe I've been missing something." But that might seem kind of creepy and stalker-ish.

-- o. nate (syne_wav...), January 22nd, 2005 9:54 AM. (onate)

See, what I would do is go even further in the direction I was inclined toward, and be all GOD, THEY SUCK A MILE OF WANG and the guy would cry. I am a hopeless romantic.

-- roxymuzak (emilysu...), January 22nd, 2005 10:56 AM. (roxymuzak)

Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 23 January 2005 00:48 (twenty years ago)

Oh shit, there went the root beer on the monitor. Roxy, U R my new fave human!

Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 23 January 2005 01:06 (twenty years ago)

uh

RJG (RJG), Sunday, 23 January 2005 01:07 (twenty years ago)

oh

S!monB!rch (Carey), Sunday, 23 January 2005 01:10 (twenty years ago)

spaghetti-os

Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 01:27 (twenty years ago)

uh

RJG (RJG), Sunday, 23 January 2005 01:36 (twenty years ago)

Dean OTM about Spencer!

jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 23 January 2005 01:41 (twenty years ago)

From the Blizzard thread:

At my corner store the chip shelves are utterly bare, except for the Baked Lays section. The people have spoken.
-- Stephen X (figm...) January 23rd, 2005 8:50 PM. (Stephen X)

Kim (Kim), Sunday, 23 January 2005 03:07 (twenty years ago)

I so want to bone you, ile.

Suedey (John Cei Douglas), Sunday, 23 January 2005 04:58 (twenty years ago)

Just got my ticket in the mail today. I'm surprised that some of you didn't think it would sell out in a couple days - she has crazy press/industry buzz and the Knitting Factory is tiny. The room will be packed with bloggers and various industry people.

-- Matthew "Flux" Perpetua (mperpetu...), January 22nd, 2005 9:23 PM.

sounds like a wild night.

-- RJG (RJ...), January 22nd, 2005 9:27 PM. (RJG)

RJG (RJG), Sunday, 23 January 2005 05:07 (twenty years ago)

SELF EXCELSIOR

Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Sunday, 23 January 2005 05:38 (twenty years ago)

From the "faggot family" thread:
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/38744000/jpg/_38744375_doody300.jpg

the best thing about that picture is that only the son looks somewhat aware that this will come back to haunt him
-- Al (hoteloper...), January 23rd, 2005 6:17 PM.

Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Sunday, 23 January 2005 23:49 (twenty years ago)

oops, this is the pic:
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/38744000/jpg/_38744375_doody300.jpg

Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Sunday, 23 January 2005 23:55 (twenty years ago)

'Robot soldiers' bound for Iraq
I Love Everything | New Answers | Unanswered Questions | Ask A Question ilXor.com | >ILM

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4199935.stm
The Foster-Miller company is owned by the QinetiQ Group, a joint venture between the UK's Ministry of Defence and US-based holding company, Carlyle Group.


always comes back to the carlyle group

-- chaki in charge (chaki.tim...), January 24th, 2005.

Answers
Bush is going to Iraq now?
-- Autumn Almanac (ada...), January 24th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How the hell do you pronounce QinetiQ anyway? Wayland-Yutani?
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), January 24th, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ROBOTS WILL BE ATTACKING
-- chaki in charge (chaki.tim...), January 24th, 2005.

come on sock it to me, Monday, 24 January 2005 03:45 (twenty years ago)

Thank you, vadge horror thread revive:

All of her lovers
all talk of her stench
and the perfume that covered her scent
And isn't she easy
And isn't she
Pretty in stink
The one who insists
he was first in the line
is the last to recover his sense
He's walking around
in a daze like a drunk
She is gone but the stench remains
LYSOL DOUCHE

-- Tep (icaneatglas...), January 23rd, 2005.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 January 2005 06:29 (twenty years ago)

Hahaha Oh My God.

Trayce (trayce), Monday, 24 January 2005 06:37 (twenty years ago)

I will never sing Pretty In Pink the same again.

Trayce (trayce), Monday, 24 January 2005 06:38 (twenty years ago)

You're just aggreived because this photo exists:

http://people.clemson.edu/~hclay/dave1.JPG

-- Ned Raggett (ne...)

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 24 January 2005 22:09 (twenty years ago)

HAHAHAHA that Daria one.

Also, What is he thinking??


Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 00:30 (twenty years ago)

What is he Thinking has become completely awesome.

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 01:21 (twenty years ago)

Where in the world is that Red Wings photo I posted from?

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 01:22 (twenty years ago)

I just work here!

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 01:28 (twenty years ago)

"Paul Weller was in a band before the Style Council? Umm, don't think so!" Not really significant, except that this was overheard in England

I hope you slew them.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), January 24th, 2005 8:31 PM. (vassifer)

Ferg, Ah (Ferg), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 01:40 (twenty years ago)

I think maybe you should take a look at a few rockism threads before you continue this discussion.

-- deej. (eslii...) (webmail), January 25th, 2005 7:19 PM. (link)


you mean the ones that completely misrepresent the term, and hence waste my time? No thanks.

-- donut christ (do...) (webmail), January 25th, 2005 7:20 PM. (donut) (link)

mayahee, mayahoo, mayaha, mayahaha (deangulberry), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 03:24 (twenty years ago)

FACED

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 03:48 (twenty years ago)

i can't stay away from this no matter how hard i try:


EUROPEAN DANCE MUSIC IN AMERICA: A TREATISE BY SIMON REYNOLDS

scott seward (scott seward), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 04:32 (twenty years ago)

that opening video is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my life

miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 04:36 (twenty years ago)

noise board rules

j blount (papa la bas), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 05:16 (twenty years ago)

Oh so that's that Dragonista whatever song. I had wondered.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 05:23 (twenty years ago)

I'm going to go to the Apple store with a beer bong and pour it straight into some "super drives"!

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), January 25th, 2005 9:22 PM. (spencermfi) (link)

Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead (allyzay), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 05:30 (twenty years ago)

that opening video is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my life
-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), January 25th, 2005.

OTM

Hello [on a cellphone], greetings, it's me, an outlaw, latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 11:55 (twenty years ago)

numanumayay, bitches.

hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 12:01 (twenty years ago)

...Bush has the greatness of Reagan...

-- bob novak (rnova...), January 25th, 2005.

Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 13:46 (twenty years ago)

I was going to download this last night, but when I got home I had to break up a fight between my dog and my cat and completely forgot about it! With any luck this situation will be rectified tonight.

-- Leon the Fatboy (nicole.kessle...), January 25th, 2005 4:19 PM. (Ex Leon) (link)

Were they posting to the Reynolds thread, too?

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), January 25th, 2005 4:22 PM. (Dan Perry) (link)


(just for the image)

Stevem On X (blueski), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 16:41 (twenty years ago)

why was the latest dido album so lackluster?
I Love Music | New Answers | Unanswered Questions | Ask A Question ilXor.com | >ILE
Ferg | Settings | Logout

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

just kidding. here's the new daft punk cd:
http://s7.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2T3HLTUEY1GEV0KDMHZ68QK0M6

-- big boo (admi...), January 24th, 2005 7:57 AM.

Ferg, Ah (Ferg), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 17:25 (twenty years ago)

Natalie was much better in Garden State.

fortunately the nominations were not based on votes by the LiveJournal community so this did not come to pass.

-- kyle (akmonda...), January 25th, 2005

Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Tuesday, 25 January 2005 19:30 (twenty years ago)

this film represents the next step in the girlmore girlsizing of america

-- jess (wt...), August 23rd, 2004 6:16 PM. (dubplatestyle) (link)


i watched 20 minutes of that show the other night and had to watch 3 pam grier movies afterwards to get the stink off

-- jess (wt...), August 23rd, 2004 6:21 PM. (dubplatestyle) (link)

Yes! I can't even put into words the hate I have for this show.

-- Leon Czolgosz (nicolew1...), August 23rd, 2004 6:22 PM. (Nicole) (link)


FUCK OFF AND DIE

-- nabisco (--...), August 23rd, 2004 6:25 PM. (nabisco) (link)

Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead (allyzay), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 02:37 (twenty years ago)

haha

j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 03:31 (twenty years ago)

Bless you, Triscuit.

David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 03:39 (twenty years ago)

The dimensions of the picture are not the same as reality.

read: Do Not Press Dick Against Computer Screen

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), January 26th, 2005 11:18 AM. (miccio)

nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 16:20 (twenty years ago)

:(

Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 16:52 (twenty years ago)

Couric became passionate about the subject after hearing "horror stories" of teens having sex at early ages

Oh, the horror! The sucking! Oh my God I can hardly take the sucking! And oh the fucking! Jesus God there's so much fucking going on! Oh and the exchange of fluids! The tender young bodies mashed together, sliding, sweaty, against one another! And then the release! The delicious release!

Oh, I'm done now. I just came.

-- Pears can just fuck right off. (fluxion2...), January 26th, 2005 1:15 PM.

MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 18:20 (twenty years ago)

Is it just me, or has John Dahlem gone INSANE lately?
-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), January 7th, 2005.

donut christ (donut), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 18:22 (twenty years ago)

This is only going to accomplish exhibiting how old I am, but I still remember the episode of Gimme A Break where Samantha's dad got FURIOUS with her because "she kissed a guy, which means she's going to have a baby". WTF? I'm glad Nell was around to drop the science!

-- donut christ (do...) (webmail), January 26th, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 19:39 (twenty years ago)

This sometimes happens to me if the person has me on their recently called list.
I don't like to listen in case I hear them saying 'so I was just talking to Trish. Jesus, she goes on and on, doesn't she?' and then I would hear my mother saying 'yeah, tell me about it'.

I have a rich inner life.

-- accentmonkey (tris...), January 26th, 2005.

Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 19:47 (twenty years ago)

Dan, I KNEW there was a reason that you invoked Nell Carter from out of the blue on the ILM rockism thread.

MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 19:50 (twenty years ago)

I still think that if more teenage girls learn to masturbate, all these numbers will change. Can someone please start teaching girls to masturbate? Please?

-- Pears can just fuck right off. (fluxion2...), January 26th, 2005 2:00 PM. (kenan)

You rang?

-- Je4nne ƒury (jeanneƒur...), January 26th, 2005 2:03 PM.

mookieproof (mookieproof), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 19:56 (twenty years ago)

hahahaha

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 20:32 (twenty years ago)

she's a lesbian.

RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 20:56 (twenty years ago)

ZUH?

Riot Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 20:58 (twenty years ago)

Even funnier in context, but:

dude, i have a friend that got Ecoli in her eye from playing hackysack in santa cruz
-- El Janko (jaso...), January 26th, 2005.

.ada.m. (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 21:05 (twenty years ago)

59. "I'm not even a DJ."

- when someone asked me to put on some Silverchair whilst doing an IDM set on my PC.

-- dog latin (doglati...), March 17th, 2004.

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 21:40 (twenty years ago)

SURELY NOT xxxpost

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 21:43 (twenty years ago)

She was ok looking. I didn't really think of it that way. I just thought it was quite weird.

I work in a record store, usually it is a refuge from stuff like this.

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6NOSPA...), January 26th, 2005.

the paparazzi you mean?

-- mark p (mark.p****...), January 26th, 2005.

i think he means pussy, mark

-- Jams Murphy (ystrickle...), January 26th, 2005.

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 22:38 (twenty years ago)

People forget that Katie Couric is actually 167 years old. When Katie was a little girl in ante bellum South Carolina, friends with benefits certainly didn't exist.

-- Ash (ashbyma...), January 26th, 2005. (ashbyman)

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 22:55 (twenty years ago)

Most of that thread (except maybe my posts) is roffleriffic.

Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 22:58 (twenty years ago)

The Rerun exchange with Chaki is priceless! Also where was that wierd interview from?

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 23:00 (twenty years ago)

peaches needs to shit onstage more.

-- hstencil (hstenc!...), January 26th, 2005 2:32 PM. (hstencil)

bprofane (AaronHz), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 23:08 (twenty years ago)

This thread reminds me of the guy who wrote Dan Savage to ask him how he could please convince his girlfriend to let him put his finger in her ass -- not, the guy assured Dan, because he wanted to, so much, as because he was sure she was missing out on the best sexual experience of her life. It was all about her, you see.
I don't remember what Dan told him. Probably to talk to her about it or something.

I wonder if any of Katie's teenagers talked about ass fingering?

-- gypsy mothra (meetm...) (webmail), January 26th, 2005. (link)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mom, can we finger your ass?"

"Er."

-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), January 26th, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 23:11 (twenty years ago)

Also where was that wierd interview from?

Behold:

For your edification -- Taylor Parkes interviews S*M*A*S*H, _Melody Maker_, 1994

And Nicole you've got in plenty of zingers on that thread, of which quoting that was but one. :-)

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 26 January 2005 23:16 (twenty years ago)

Words can't express how wonderful and carefree my life was before I read the phrase "COERCED DOG GANG CUMSHOTS". It was like every day was a sundae garnished with butterflies and innocence. I had such a pretty mind then; I WANT MY PRETTY MIND BACK.

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), January 26th, 2005 9:51 AM. (Dan Perry)

This is my mind now: http://members.shaw.ca/tyeshavik/urkel.jpg

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), January 26th, 2005 9:53 AM. (Dan Perry)

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 27 January 2005 00:06 (twenty years ago)

hahahahahahaha

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 27 January 2005 00:07 (twenty years ago)

I need a good title for a Western

youn, Thursday, 27 January 2005 02:17 (twenty years ago)

that chat sucked.

SELFA VIEAGDRTNSI

-- bprofane (aaronh...), January 27th, 2005 2:48 AM. (AaronHz)

whatever you suck

-- charleston charge (chaki.tim...), January 27th, 2005 2:51 AM. (chaki)

AIM name: sanjaymcd

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), January 27th, 2005 3:00 AM. (jaymc)

he's right you do suck

-- Site Admistrator (power.strik...), January 27th, 2005 3:03 AM. (deangulberry)

RJG (RJG), Thursday, 27 January 2005 03:06 (twenty years ago)

SO AWESOME I MAY ADD IT TO EVERY EXCELSIOR EVER:


Holden: You're in a desert, walking along in the sand when all of the sudden-
Leon: Is this the test now?
Holden: Yes. You're in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down-
Leon: What one?
Holden: What?
Leon: What desert?
Holden: It doesn't make any difference what desert, it's completely hypothetical.
Leon: But how come I'd be there?
Holden: Maybe you're fed up, maybe you want to be by yourself, who knows? You look down and you see Donald Fagan crawling toward you-
Leon: Donald Fagan, who's that?
Holden: Know who Walter Becker is?
Leon: Um, yeah.
Holden: His partner.
Leon: I've never seen Walter Becker. (pause) But I understand who you mean.
Holden: You reach down, you kick Donald Fagan over on his back, Leon.
Leon: Do you make up these questions, Mr. Holden, or do they write them down for you?
Holden: Donald Fagan lays on its back, his belly baking in the hot sun beating its legs trying to turn himself over but he can't, not without your help, but you're not helping.
Leon: What do you mean I'm not helping?
Holden: I mean, you're not helping. Why is that Leon? (pause) They're just questions, Leon. In answer to your query, they're written down for me. It's a test, designed to provoke an emotional response. (pause) Shall we continue? Describe in single words, only the good things that come in to your mind about... robotic, steam-powered stainless steel dildos.
Leon: robotic, steam-powered stainless steel dildos?
Holden: Yeah.
Leon: Let me tell you about dildos... (BANG!)


-- Lord Custos Epsilon (L.Custo...), September 27th, 2004 3:36 PM. (Lord Custos Epsilon) (later)

mookieproof (mookieproof), Thursday, 27 January 2005 06:42 (twenty years ago)

oh, poor Donald Fagen!

Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Thursday, 27 January 2005 06:43 (twenty years ago)

What is more boring, people trying to be shocking or people affecting to be bored by people trying to be shocking?

-- dave q (scrape10...), October 16th, 2002.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 27 January 2005 06:56 (twenty years ago)

Alex in NYC ca. 08/2003:

Re. "Rappin' Duke"


Now now, trife, don't get all hot under the Kangol. For a start, how do you know I don't know anything about the surrounding [hip-hop -R.] culture? I've lived in NYC all my life -- believe you me, it's hard to escape it. But, don't get your fat Adidas laces all in a twist -- you're right.

Remy (x Jeremy), Thursday, 27 January 2005 07:21 (twenty years ago)

I'd quit but I don't know how to cope with the crippling boredom of sobreity. Jesus, how do people watch network television willingly while sober?
Also, best stress killer/anti-depressant ever. The only thing I'm scared of is waking up one day when I'm 35 to look into a closet full of hawaiian shirts, a living room full of video games, and a pantry full of chili cheese fritos. It's bad enough I have one of those smiley mushroom-faced bongs.
-- matttt (mhar...), January 27th, 2005 1:53 PM.

Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 27 January 2005 19:36 (twenty years ago)

maybe they give out candy and dog biscuits in your homestyle country banks, in our big metropolitan banks they give you a kick in the groin and charge you a screaming out loud fee

-- kyle (akmonda...), January 27th, 2005 3:07 PM.

Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 27 January 2005 20:08 (twenty years ago)

he's funny

adam.r.l. (nordicskilla), Thursday, 27 January 2005 20:09 (twenty years ago)

so are you.

RJG (RJG), Thursday, 27 January 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

Riot Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 27 January 2005 20:37 (twenty years ago)

you are not.

RJG (RJG), Thursday, 27 January 2005 22:02 (twenty years ago)

R.I.P.

Riot Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 27 January 2005 23:24 (twenty years ago)

From the ai bot thread:

Jabberwocky: What is a bot?
Me: Hello!

Jabberwocky: Again?

Me: May I change the subject?

Jabberwocky: Yes.

Me: Great. I've been a bit mopey about not being to find a job. Besides finding something fun to do, and exercising more, what else should I do to relieve the mopeyness involved in job hunting?

Jabberwocky: I said that. You have not. Why are you never happy?

Me: You never said that. I did. Anyway, I am happy at times, but just haven't been lately.

Jabberwocky: Dude , I'm far more intelligent than you.

Me: Why are the numbers in between double prime pairs always divisible by 6?

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Thursday, 27 January 2005 23:53 (twenty years ago)

(That's donut christ btw)

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Thursday, 27 January 2005 23:53 (twenty years ago)

The uncircumsized guy with absolutely no testicles was really disturbing for some reason.
-- Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead, January 26th, 2005 6:32 AM.

"for some reason"
-- The Ghost of Dan Perry, January 26th, 2005 6:40 AM.

Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 28 January 2005 01:26 (twenty years ago)

you really got him with that AN

haha

without it he is just Drew.

-- Hari A$hur$t (lindseyloha...), January 28th, 2005 12:43 PM. (Toaster)

its funny cuz it's drew.

-- Hari A$hur$t (lindseyloha...), January 28th, 2005 12:43 PM. (Toaster)

Trayce (trayce), Friday, 28 January 2005 01:50 (twenty years ago)

haha other people are so stupid, i like to laugh at them!
-- Haibun (expresso222...), January 28th, 2005 3:42 PM.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Come on, where's the obligatory sourpuss that always shows up on these threads and chastises everyone for presumably making fun of others' musical tastes/knowledge/reviews?

XPOST NEVERMIND

-- sleep (enemy.airshi...), January 28th, 2005 3:42 PM

Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Friday, 28 January 2005 15:45 (twenty years ago)

from the "names for people which seem inappropriate when given to dogs" thread"

Mom

-- Bryan (twp62y...) (webmail), January 28th, 2005 4:14 AM. (Bryan) (link)

mark p (Mark P), Friday, 28 January 2005 16:14 (twenty years ago)

This is yours to lose now, she obv. likes you otherwise she wouldn't hold your hand, buy her a big bunch of daisies and then make with the sex.

-- Nellie (nellskie...), January 14th, 2005.

Someone needs to send Katie the V!ce Guide to eating P!!ssy.

Pretend your tongue is the bad cop and the clit is the guy who killed your partner. Separate him from his buddies (the lips) and suck him right up into your mouth. Now he's on your turf. Keep him erect by creating an air-tight vacuum chamber in your mouth. Slap the little bugger upside the head with one big tongue bonk. He's not going to tell you shit because he's a clit and he has no idea what you're talking about, but kick his ass anyway.

-- S!monB!rch (flembac...), January 27th, 2005.

Ash (ashbyman), Friday, 28 January 2005 17:34 (twenty years ago)

In which Mr. Michael Daddino responds to Conor Oberst's attempts to get political:

---

When a bright young singer's a hype,
Does it mean he must suck the pipe
Of his own exhaust?
Or perhaps he's just lost,
though the heart of this headcase
is in a comfortably correct place?

When a narcissist gets political --
Offers something more than treacle --
*Must* he sound like a fool?
Speak in headlines like a tool?
While raging 'bout Bush's misrule?
(Which I admit is quite cruel.)

-- Michael Daddino (epicharmu...), January 28th, 2005.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 28 January 2005 17:52 (twenty years ago)

http://www.sportalicious.com/Images/queeereyeparcells.jpg

Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead (allyzay), Friday, 28 January 2005 19:33 (twenty years ago)

And dave q, I never said I was perfect (although I should add I'm totally against factory farming) but I do what I can for the causes I stand by. What do you do?

-- Calz (ca...), July 24th, 2003.

....

I only eat fetii. Early-term. Partial-birth are good for tying to 'nooses' and waving around in front of the chick's house.

-- dave q (scrape10...), July 24th, 2003.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 28 January 2005 20:50 (twenty years ago)

Kathy McGinty: I have a pickle in my ass.

Jabberwacky: Yes you do.

Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Friday, 28 January 2005 21:51 (twenty years ago)

dan perry - do you seriously think i give a shit what any of you will says??

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 28 January 2005 22:00 (twenty years ago)

Something in my genes apparently draws me to this:
http://www.spotterx.com/pictures/picoftheweek/ricer.jpg

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...) (webmail), January 28th, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 28 January 2005 23:12 (twenty years ago)

Reviewer: john stamos (LACA) - See all my reviews
Charlie is a personal friend of mine, and i have been reading his poetry for years. This collection is the best of the best as far as Chas's art is concerned. When one works on a show like full house, one sees many forms of expression (from "youve got it dude" to "Watch the hair!" [my personal favorite!]). Sheen expresses the overall feeling of the modern man. From our disgust with the system (damn the man) to our love of sheenistry. Not many people realized that i not only function as an actor, but as a producer. How does this relate to Los? one might ask. Well, sheen PRODUCES some pretty good poetry. Ok ok. Some of sheen's poems may be seen as obscene, thats what i hear anyway. Well, thats trash. that is like saying c thomas howell is a bad tennis player. its just flat out not true. Sheen steals part of ourselves and gives us a chunk of humanity and sheenathan. And, everything that is sheentastic. i remember when a young man named carlos estevez came to town and tried to break into the business. After a name change and a little flick named Lucas, the buzz was too loud to ignore. i personally think that the artist formerly known as estevez will be known more for his poetry than for his acting. carlos is of a caliber not normally seen in this lifetime. I know that sheen has given us all something to think about. ok, i know what you are thinking. he is a mysoginist. nope. he is a drug addict/alcoholic. nope. first of all, as sheen once said, "nobody ever told me it wasnt ok to have a good time." ill vouch for that. ive known the man for quite a while, and never, i mean never, during that time did anyone tell the man that it was not ok to have a good time. now, time to get down to the nitty gritty. The poetry. it is outstanding. brilliant. fun. did i say outstanding? yeah. i am going to go out on a limb here. are you ready? sheen has produced the greatest book of all time. did i say the greatest book of all time? yes. the greatest book of poetry of all time? nope. the greatest book of all time. Why? well ill answer that. sheen is willing to take on the greatest of topics. i wont spoil anything, but lets just say he runs the gamut from A to F. F stands for a bad word. now im going to introduce a new word. Sheenastia. verb. - to live life with the greatest of detailed theological reasoning known to the human form. NOUN - a bong. There is one movie that i would like to expound upon. please allow. NO CODE OF CONDUCT is a film not like any other. on the surface, it seems to be the story of a man's struggle to solve a crime. yeah, yeah, but thats not the end of it. It is ultimately an allegory of one man's search for truth. It may have been directed by the greatest new directing talent on the planet. bret michaels. alright, enough. back to my experience as it relates to sheen. sheens and my life have intertwined on not only a physical but a spiritual level. And through sheens words, i have found life. life's name is estevez. the extevez tribe started in spain in the year 4000 bc. when the spanish conquered much of south america, the estevez's moved on to find their fortune in the new world. they made it, but little jose esteves, didnt. this created a long line of disillusionment within the sheen's inner circle. it lasted for generations, and was not truly harnessed in art until young carlos sheen, born 2350 years after jose, gave his artistic gifts to the world. now, we experience a new form of sheen. a new form of expression. i believe that this book will outlast us all, and will be the final testament of a species that never fully grasped their capability. Call me oldfashioned, but that is the way i feel. sheen has given us what we may never repay. now i will get to the real purpose of this review. i, as a spiritual being, believe in my deepest darkest regions, that sheen the publishing of this book breaks the forth seal of the apolcolypse. that being said, i also believe that sheen is not human. allow me to qualify. sheen, the father of modern thought, is supernatural. sure martin claims to be his biological father. but i know this is not the case. the conception of one carlos sheen-estevez was one of divinity. this impregnation parallels that of another great book of poetry. in fact, i'm not convinced that sheen did not write that great book, as either one apostles or the Lord himself. How did this happen, it cant be true you say. permit my clarification. it is not widely known, but this book of poetry was originally written by sheen during a year of isolation and meditation in the mountains. sheen during this binge of spirituality, would go into trances where he would write unconsciously. Big deal, you say. well, did i mention that he wrote it in a dead language known as aremaic. Once this book is broken down, translated back into other languages and then back to native american languages, we will get the true translation, we will see THE BOOK OF SHEEN aka a piece of my mind.

scott seward (scott seward), Saturday, 29 January 2005 14:27 (twenty years ago)

holy god damned shit

The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 29 January 2005 15:27 (twenty years ago)

AmznCutie: hey
Ph4nt0m: sup
AmznCutie: not much...um, just takin orders, yknow
ph4nt0m: ya
AmznCutie: hey, don't be mad but...
ph4nt0m: ????
AmznCutie: um, we sold a bunch of yr shit for the wrong price
ph4ntom: uuuuuh
AmznCutie: like, 99 cents
ph4nt0m: WTF, u bicth!!!
AmznCutie: im sorry, im sorry
ph4t0m: fuck!!!
AmznCutie: dont worry, we totally fixed it
ph4nt0m: fucking right you did!
AmznCutie: k, we're still friends rite?
ph4nt0m: WE'LL SEE
AmznCutie: ;_;
ph4nt0m: wutever
AmznCutie: k, i gotta go, gilmore girls is on!

-- Matt Chesnut (roastingonanopenfireSPAMPL...), January 30th, 2005 10:52 PM.

nabiscothingy (nory), Sunday, 30 January 2005 18:58 (twenty years ago)

I kept looking at ;_; sideways and going WTF?

Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 30 January 2005 19:09 (twenty years ago)

what is that from?

roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 30 January 2005 19:28 (twenty years ago)

Come to think of it that's not at all funny or even sensible out of context. It's an ILM thread about Amazon momentarily selling off the Phantom catalog for 99 cents (and countless ILMers trying to get their orders finalized before they covered the mistake).

nabiscothingy (nory), Sunday, 30 January 2005 19:36 (twenty years ago)

a lot of very funny things are not funny or sensible out of context!

s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 30 January 2005 20:21 (twenty years ago)

Top 100 Artistic Devices For Preserving The Modesty Of Comics Characters

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 30 January 2005 23:58 (twenty years ago)

what do you look like in other ilxor's underwear omgwtf

first response:

what fresh hell is this

-- roxymuzak (emil...), January 31st, 2005.

haitch, man? (haitch), Monday, 31 January 2005 05:29 (twenty years ago)

From the aforementioned Amazon thread:

Phantom Records Presents...

1 Golden Great

1. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
2. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
3. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
4. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
5. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
6. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
7. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
8. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
9. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
10. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
11. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
12. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
13. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
14. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
15. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
16. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
17. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
18. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
19. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
20. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
21. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
22. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay (Mono)
23. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay (Funkstorung Remix)
24. Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay (Live at The Dock of the Bay)

-- poortheatre (gah24...), January 31st, 2005.

Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Monday, 31 January 2005 05:57 (twenty years ago)

Okay, as threatened/promised, a picture of me nude. I really am naked, so do not click on this link if this will disturb you, if you are trying to eat, etc. me naked in shower. I look rather uncomfortable.

-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...) (webmail), January 30th, 2005 7:17 AM. (Martin Skidmore) (link)

what big ears you have.

-- marmot wolof (marmotwolo...) (webmail), January 30th, 2005 7:39 AM. (marmotwolof) (link)

mark p (Mark P), Monday, 31 January 2005 06:31 (twenty years ago)

I know someone like Sir Launcelot. Trashes the place then goes 'sorry, sorry, terribly sorry' then continues to trash the place.

-- Autumn Almanac (ada...), January 31st, 2005.


was his name j0hndah1en

-- Riot Gear! (speed.to.roa...), January 31st, 2005.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 31 January 2005 06:58 (twenty years ago)

One time when I worked at Amoeba, this girl was flipping through the stacks, and a guy who was standing next to her... uh... came on her hand. Before we figured out what had happened, the dude ran out the front door. We gave her a gift certificate to shut her up.
-- polyphonic, January 31st, 2005 7:10 PM.

the things people won't go through for a gift certificate.
-- m., January 31st, 2005 7:15 PM.

Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 31 January 2005 08:16 (twenty years ago)

Hahah Ned I was gonna post that one but I wasnt sure if it'd be too mean! And YOU posted it! ;P

Trayce (trayce), Monday, 31 January 2005 08:55 (twenty years ago)

(re: "Round men vs. Skinny men")

You people are the people who make this world a hard place to live in. Why is it that everyone always assumes things or does things based on peoples looks/race/etc..? I mean come on.... does it really matter what anyone looks like? I don't think I would put up with a "hot bitch" just to get some action (lol). So, even though I'm a guy, my answer to the question is just two simple words... WHO CARES Get back to your pathetic lives and stop worrying about other peoples.

-- Dustin (dustinkaise...) (webmail), April 19th, 2002. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you iz a porker no ?

-- a-33 (ut7r...) (webmail), April 19th, 2002. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 31 January 2005 16:06 (twenty years ago)

You know what? I hope it makes a shed load of cash. Why? Because Uwe Boll and writer/ producer Michael Roesch are two of the nicest guys in the biz. They're next project is budgeted at $50 mil and stars Ben Kingsley - the one after that $75 mil. A lot of that has to do with the fact they are NICE and in an industry full of weasals that counts for a lot. Good on them.
-- Film Frank (ffran...) (webmail), January 31st, 2005 2:31 PM. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Actually sorry, Frank: after seeing the trailer for this one I dropped out of their next project.
-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), January 31st, 2005 2:39 PM. (nabisco) (link)

David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 31 January 2005 20:22 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, I still can't figure out why a man would ever complain about that. He would probably respond that I'd change my tune if I had a daughter, but really, no, I'd rather my offspring get laid comfortably and electively than just eventually put out for a couple nice dinners and then spend her forties in a cult or sucking off guys in porn theaters because no one ever spanked her in college.

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), January 31st, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 31 January 2005 22:26 (twenty years ago)

That's a dream of a post, that is.

Hahah Ned I was gonna post that one but I wasnt sure if it'd be too mean! And YOU posted it! ;P

John tested my limits. Not directly, though.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 31 January 2005 22:28 (twenty years ago)

the whole thread if yoo dare venture to noizeland:

name some obscure songs that pretentious ppl would pretend to listen to

(gareth iz mi nu godly creme.)

scott seward (scott seward), Monday, 31 January 2005 22:52 (twenty years ago)

What do you look like in your underwear? (332 new answers)
have you squandered your potential? (101 new answers)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 31 January 2005 23:22 (twenty years ago)

What's ironic is that yeah, right, THESE are the first Tuomas pics where he's NOT surrounded by like 15 willowy blonde Scandinavian girls? Thanks a lot, dude.

-- nabisco (--...), January 31st, 2005. (nabisco)

Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 31 January 2005 23:30 (twenty years ago)

(post-Tuomas-underwear):

Is this what Einstein and Oppenheimer felt like?

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), January 31st, 2005 6:04 PM.

mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 00:03 (twenty years ago)

I don't smoke alone by choice, I just wake up earlier than most people

-- dave q (scrape10...), January 31st, 2005 3:46 PM. (listerine)

s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 00:10 (twenty years ago)

Deadly!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v655/lixnixn/Tuomas007.jpg

Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 00:34 (twenty years ago)

i think the ire at her was that she was perceived as being patrician/uppity.

-- Kingfish MuffMiner 2049er (jdsalmo...), January 31st, 2005.

also, female and democratic

-- Riot Gear! (speed.to.roa...), January 31st, 2005.

youn, Tuesday, 1 February 2005 01:08 (twenty years ago)

Freshman year, I lent a friend of mine a Miles Davis "Highlights from the Plugged Nickel." He liked it, but when he played it for one of the girls in our dorm, she said "This sounds like porno music."

-- Hurting (Hurtingchie...), February 1st, 2005 1:51 PM. (Hurting)

Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 04:44 (twenty years ago)

Diablo's just like shopping. shopping really violently. in a mall full of skeletons. (which is not wholly unlike being at Yorkdale mall actually)
-- Kim (grimstitc...), February 1st, 2005.

donut christ (donut), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 05:27 (twenty years ago)

http://fraew.orcon.net.nz/nedhaus.gif

latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 05:44 (twenty years ago)

Stupid people saying stupid things about music you like. or Dude seriously hates his dumb-as-balls roommate and can you blame him?

There's a quote from it above but frankly, the whole thing. Matos's first post in particular is the tipping point.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 06:08 (twenty years ago)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v327/coolthreads/604916.gif

Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead (allyzay), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 06:30 (twenty years ago)

OMG which thread talks abt Charlie Sheen's poetry? That book is out of control. It gets really creepy when you start to think, dear lord, he might be serious.

daria g (daria g), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 08:46 (twenty years ago)

Finally, an answer record to Kelis' Milkshake:
http://www.globalhermit.com/ilx/tuomas-sundae.jpg

-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...) (webmail), February 1st, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 13:39 (twenty years ago)

Pretty much all of Dan's 'suggestions' in the "My Temp Job" thread.

Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 13:50 (twenty years ago)

No more crushes. In 2005 it's cold rationalism for me!
-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), February 1st, 2005.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 14:34 (twenty years ago)

Songs that make you cry (9 new answers)
I keep listening to "Another Day in Paradise" (8 new answers)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 14:54 (twenty years ago)

wrong thread?

Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 15:47 (twenty years ago)

depends how funny dan thought it really

ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 15:54 (twenty years ago)

Ronan in his spaceromper, yesterday:

http://img37.photobucket.com/albums/v115/nickdastoor/spaceromper.jpg

-- N. (nickdastoo...) (webmail), March 30th, 2004 12:24 PM. (nickdastoor) (link)

(apologies, that was actually Graham)

-- N. (nickdastoo...) (webmail), March 30th, 2004 12:24 PM. (nickdastoor) (link)

I've never seen someone so brazenly... try it.

-- cozen (coze...) (webmail), March 30th, 2004 12:28 PM. (Cozen) (link)

mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 16:37 (twenty years ago)

Does Dan Perry collect Kelly Clarkson albums or something? If this is another of those "I am speaking up for the huge majority that aren't here" bits it's tiring.

Custos OTM on the Star Search angle. Don't both shows have basically the same screening process and competition angle?

-- mike h. (mikedotharpe...) (webmail), February 1st, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 19:39 (twenty years ago)

Ned has already EXCELSIORED that entire thread. Can we still EXCELSIOR individual posts from within that thread, or does that constitute double-dipping?

Ken L (Ken L), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 19:45 (twenty years ago)

If there are penalties for double-excelsioring I might as well give up now.

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 19:50 (twenty years ago)

And besides, that is a great, great thread.

Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 20:14 (twenty years ago)

Indeed. As is this one:
Absolutely Fucking Amazing Amazon Sale (US Posters Only)

Ken L (Ken L), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 20:16 (twenty years ago)

Dear new pet-shop woman, I already thought you were pretty sexy, with your big black glasses and intelligent smile. But last night, when you showed me that picture of you in the paper as a member of the new roller derby league in town...well, let's just say I'm smitten, kitten.

But only on like a crush level. You're still not as hot as my lovely wife. Still, though: FISHNETS. ROLLER SKATES. Damn.

-- The Obligatory Sourpuss (expresso222...) (webmail), February 1st, 2005. (link)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dude, let's go to the roller derby sometime! I almost went on Sunday. Was the one you met Pocahotass?

-- Jordan (jordan...) (webmail), February 1st, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 20:57 (twenty years ago)

I went to see Aaron Carer live once. Walking toward the venue, I was passed by a kid, around 10 years old I'd say, racing toward the door, yelling "Aaron Carter! Aaron Carter!" In the excitement he didn't watch where he was going, and ran straight into a flagpole or some other such pole. There was a very cartoonish "clang!", the kid - now on his back - paused for a minute, and then he started bawling like a big baby.

-- Josh in Chicago (Vitesse9...), February 1st, 2005 2:32 PM. (Josh in Chicago)

Dr. Z Indahouse (AaronHz), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 23:37 (twenty years ago)

I feel bad for laughing at a ten year old but hahahahah

Mickey (modestmickey), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 23:38 (twenty years ago)

I will only accept an mp3 of him telling his own story. Somehow surely the tone of voice is important.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), February 1st, 2005 3:57 AM

Said MP3 must have an old-timey player piano going in the background.

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), February 1st, 2005 3:58 AM

hhahahahahhahaah

Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 02:20 (twenty years ago)

Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease. Ally is a goth tease.
;-P

-- Dr. Z Indahouse (aaronh...), February 2nd, 2005 8:33 PM. (AaronHz) (link)

Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead (allyzay), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 02:48 (twenty years ago)

I really really dread to think as if he dies in the next month or so it will really fuck up our honeymoon in Poland.

-- Tom (freakytrigge...), September 25th, 2003 11:11 AM. (Groke) (link)

I think you should be more worried about their inability to screw in lightbulbs and the screen doors on the submarines.

-- NA (emmaa...), September 25th, 2003 11:13 AM. (Nick A.) (link)

Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead (allyzay), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:05 (twenty years ago)

Hahaha, that one's great.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:11 (twenty years ago)

GET A BRAIN, MELANS.

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), February 1st, 2005 5:31 AM.

Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:24 (twenty years ago)

Haha Ally I just came here to excelsior the Poland one.

Dr. Z Indahouse (AaronHz), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:34 (twenty years ago)

POLAND: NEVER FORGET

Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead (allyzay), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:38 (twenty years ago)

i have an mp3 of Lou Barlow singing "cold as ice".
-- haitch, man?, February 2nd, 2005 3:39 PM.

Lou Barlow can bite my cock.
-- kate/papa november, February 2nd, 2005 3:40 PM.

Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 04:42 (twenty years ago)

My grandmother hated Frank Sinatra because of his mafia ties.

-- polyphonic (polyphoni...), February 2nd, 2005 1:28 AM. (polyphonic) (link)

Don't forget his mafia shirts and trousers.

-- Frogman Henry (fruit...), February 2nd, 2005 1:30 AM. (link)

Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead (allyzay), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 09:42 (twenty years ago)

HAHAH omg

Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 09:52 (twenty years ago)

(was there a rush for that punchline?)

mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 09:56 (twenty years ago)

gareth be SINCERE for once you LEEDS FUCK.

-- hstencil (hstenc!...), February 2nd, 2005 5:32 AM. (hstencil) (link)

FORGET GANG OF FOUR, even.

-- hstencil (hstenc!...), February 2nd, 2005 5:33 AM. (hstencil) (link)

Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead (allyzay), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 10:43 (twenty years ago)

that Frogman one is exquisite

Stevem On X (blueski), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 11:00 (twenty years ago)

T/S Exhibitionism vs analism

-- Autumn Almanac (ada...), February 2nd, 2005 9:44 PM. (Autumn Almanac)

That couldve been worded better ;)

-- Trayce (spamspanke...), February 2nd, 2005 9:45 PM. (trayce)

No it couldn't

-- Autumn Almanac (ada...), February 2nd, 2005 9:46 PM. (Autumn Almanac)

Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 11:16 (twenty years ago)

i feel bad because i love gareth.

hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 11:23 (twenty years ago)

Oh you love everyone, tart ;P

Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 11:24 (twenty years ago)

well, no, women-wise (and I ain't gay) I love:

1. lauren
2. kate
3. trayce
4. ally\

okay i should stop, that's not funny.

hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 11:27 (twenty years ago)

too bad i'm only an admin on the noize bored.

hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 11:31 (twenty years ago)

I just told someone at work I was "mentally unstable." (5 new answers)
You Would Like To Be The Next M. Night Shamalamadingdong, But Your Blues Aren't Blue Enough And Sarah Michelle Won't Return Your Calls. Quick! What Nursery Rhyme Will You Use In Your Next Highly Derivative Horror Movie When You Want To Evoke Dread? (47 new answers)
Hi, I'm Rainbow Bum. Some people say I'm smart. Ask me anything. (7 new answers)
Boring computer-related question @&#$king thing. (21 new answers, 51 total)
Glasto 2005 is GO!! (2 new answers, 25 total)
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handbags at highbury! (131 new answers)
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Peeping Tom (11 new answers)

NAKED PPL = THE DEVIL OMG

ahmed shagalampost, Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:46 (twenty years ago)

i actually sort of agree with WSJ guy, but he has a distinctively schoolmarmish quality i don't identify with.
-- Amateur(ist)

Masked Gazza, Wednesday, 2 February 2005 18:04 (twenty years ago)

For some reason, I was expecting this thread to be an Onion-type joke like so:
Dear Anothony,

I am a 19-year-old young man who is writing you from a jail cell. None of my crimes were violent. They mainly consisted of theft and drugs. I've had a bad drug problem ever since my best friend overdosed in my hotel room. I did drugs before then, but not as much as afterward.

One thing led to another, and soon I found myself behind the wheel of other people's cars and using other people's credit cards.

I have been locked up for three months now, and looking back, I can't believe the life I was living. Is there still a chance I can turn my life into a success when I'm released? And what do you recommend I do to stay sober and lead a happy life? -- TOUGH LUCK IN CHATTANOOGA

Dear TLIC,

My Aim Is True = "woah, this guy is pretty smart for an angry young snot. if only his band wasn't so generic."

This Years Model = "oh, man he's found a great band! he's totally captured the whole frustrated young guy thing."

Armed Forces = "oh, ok he has nothing to say other than Don't Be A Nazi To Me, Just Give Sex When Needed but he's gonna keep getting more pretentious and self-congratulatory with every album"

It's harsh (I like Brutal Youth actually), but if there was a moment where in hindsight he revealed what his bag was, it was then.

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), January 18th, 2005.

-- darin (darin...), February 2nd, 2005

Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 18:15 (twenty years ago)

Is it okay if I show up and blast semen everywhere, because that is what I do?
-- NAMES CHANGED...(shame@less), February 2nd, 2005 2:40 AM.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

that is actually what he does, in fairness
-- ...TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT (sneaky sneaky@sneaky.sneaky), February 2nd, 2005 2:40 AM. (sneaky sneaky)

nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 19:39 (twenty years ago)

I must miss all of the threads the excelsior stuff is coming from, because none of it looks familiar.

Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 19:51 (twenty years ago)

To protect the... innocent? I don't understand.

Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 19:53 (twenty years ago)

ihttp://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/40782000/jpg/_40782455_dove_body_ap.jpg
Dove plucks ailing Pope from seat, carries off to ice floe
(AP) VATICAN CITY - In a scene straight off the cover of Judas Priest's Screaming for Vengeance, a specially-trained attack dove raced out of the heavens on Tuesday, grabbed Pope John Paul II in his talons, and then carried the ailing pontiff to an ice floe, where he was then abandoned.

News organizations later received this tersely worded statement from an unidentified group: "It was his time. Pepe has become a burden on our community, which has limited resources, and may not make it through the winter. In the manner of our ancestors, we have sent him off to find his destiny." The message was delivered by a polar bear courier.

Famous Priest-fronting leatherboy Rob Halford was questioned by the authorities. Halford replied, "This is one priest that I don't have to fall on down to my knees and pray." Halford was later released into the custody of his bandmates.

-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...), February 2nd, 2005 2:49 PM. (SeanC)

nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 19:54 (twenty years ago)

I don't really get Marc Almond, but at least he's slightly better than that Depeche Mode - and that's not saying much.

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), February 1st, 2005 5:46 PM. (spencermfi) (link)

dude spencer lets not get crazy...

-- charleston charge (chaki.tim...), February 1st, 2005 5:46 PM. (chaki) (link)

I've never really been moved by The Cure; Robert Smith just seems a little goth to me, but they do make songs that are less bad than Japan.

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), February 1st, 2005 5:48 PM. (spencermfi) (link)

Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead (allyzay), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 20:03 (twenty years ago)

im not sure what a trustafarian is but i guess its' like a person with a trust funda that listends to reggae music

in sharky water, Wednesday, 2 February 2005 21:47 (twenty years ago)

don't like hello kitty's eyes they are two empty unforgiving vacuums boring through my soul

-- elwisty (kowalski9...) (webmail), February 2nd, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Exactly! Rox0r.

-- Leon the Fatboy (nicole.kessle...) (webmail), February 2nd, 2005. (link)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 22:36 (twenty years ago)

There's some pink there but it ain't pretty.

-- Michael White (Sanmichel...) (webmail), February 2nd, 2005. (link)

(best when read in context)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 23:01 (twenty years ago)

cocaine, cocaine, cocaine
shoulderpads
-- Snappy (jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj...), February 2nd, 2005.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Underworld lyrics in the eighties, right there.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), February 2nd, 2005.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 23:41 (twenty years ago)

Dwarfs are easier to toss.

-- Autumn Almanac (ada...), February 2nd, 2005 10:49 AM. (Autumn Almanac)

Um can I reword that?

-- Autumn Almanac (ada...), February 2nd, 2005 10:49 AM. (Autumn Almanac)

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 3 February 2005 00:11 (twenty years ago)

Does "toss" have some other meaning in Australia?

jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 3 February 2005 00:13 (twenty years ago)

there are many meanings to the word "toss". For example, a pitcher might toss a baseball, whereas tonight I'll be tossing a salad.

Riot Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 3 February 2005 00:18 (twenty years ago)

dude it has the same euphemistic meaning outside of Australia too.

Allyzay Dallas Multi-Pass (allyzay), Thursday, 3 February 2005 00:18 (twenty years ago)

Yes but neither of those meanings carry the sort of innuendo I'm guessing Autumn Almanac's post conveys.

jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 3 February 2005 00:19 (twenty years ago)

(xpost: Ally, I will be doing some research now.)

jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 3 February 2005 00:19 (twenty years ago)

toss=wank, doesnt it mean that there too?

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 3 February 2005 00:21 (twenty years ago)

ahaha, they don't know 'wank' either Trayce

Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 3 February 2005 00:22 (twenty years ago)

Obviously he meant that dwarves' butts are easier to lick.

Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Thursday, 3 February 2005 00:24 (twenty years ago)

Ah, okay, see my research shows me that it's a synonym for "wank" (which we know in the U.S. but don't really ever say) -- but I've never in my life heard of it.

jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 3 February 2005 00:25 (twenty years ago)

Really? That's odd. I mean, I guess somebody could miss that, but what did you think a "tosser" was?

Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Thursday, 3 February 2005 00:27 (twenty years ago)

OK MY EXCELSIOR IS TOTALLY NOT FUNNY NOW DAMN YOU AMERICANS *sulk*

;) [/ned]

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 3 February 2005 00:28 (twenty years ago)

sorry.

Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Thursday, 3 February 2005 00:29 (twenty years ago)

Not you K ;P

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 3 February 2005 00:33 (twenty years ago)

I think after the couch incident I was so paranoid about catching assplay in the living room that I cut my trips to the kitchen in half. Another reason, I suppose.

-- Riot Gear! (speed.to.roa...), February 2nd, 2005 11:52 PM.

Alienus Quam Reproba (blueski), Thursday, 3 February 2005 00:34 (twenty years ago)

I know this girl who, whenever she gets drunk at parties, starts making dolphin noises and flapping her arms like fins and imitating Bjork.
-- Riot Gear!, February 3rd, 2005 12:34 PM.

Well, that was certainly a random thing to mention.
-- Andrew, February 3rd, 2005 12:34 PM.

Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 3 February 2005 01:36 (twenty years ago)

The next bits even better:

I was about to say, "see the Bjork thing was related to...", but then I realized I have no idea why I posted that.

-- Riot Gear! (speed.to.roa...), February 3rd, 2005 12:39 PM. (Gear!)

I mean I can't even find another thread where it would make sense. What the hell is happening to me?

-- Riot Gear! (speed.to.roa...), February 3rd, 2005 12:40 PM. (Gear!)

I don't know but I like it.

-- Andrew (n...), February 3rd, 2005 12:40 PM. (enneff)

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 3 February 2005 02:18 (twenty years ago)

http://littlepants.com/weirdtrip/images/jasonduffy.jpg

i have to post this because it's the weirdest fucking picture i've ever seen. it looks so fake, but it's not been photoshopped

-- El Janko (jaso...), February 2nd, 2005.

Wait, which one are you?

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), February 2nd, 2005.

On the left.

-- Michael White (Sanmichel...), February 2nd, 2005.

You, sir, have an enormous fuck-off head.

-- Pears can just fuck right off. (fluxion2...), February 2nd, 2005.

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Thursday, 3 February 2005 02:45 (twenty years ago)

MOVE YOUR HANDS TRAYCE

-- roxymuzak (emilysu...), February 3rd, 2005 4:03 PM. (roxymuzak)

i just became some gross guy

-- roxymuzak (emilysu...), February 3rd, 2005 4:03 PM. (roxymuzak)

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 3 February 2005 05:09 (twenty years ago)

Not even.

Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 3 February 2005 05:10 (twenty years ago)

Another year, another month, another thread...

"Wall to wall people EXCELSIOR/And they're posting quickly/Spend each night in laughter"

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 3 February 2005 07:25 (twenty years ago)

I'm not posting this for lol value, but because it is a magnificent knockdown and deserves to be kept!

Not that you would? NOT THAT YOU WOULD? In your motherfucking dreams, pimpledick. I wll say nothing about your cracks about Ally - she doesn't need me to defend her, but you're clearly a fucking class A moron.

First of all, you brainless sewer rat, people who are high don't talk that way, ergo, you aren't. You're just a pathetic little twerp who clearly has nothing better to do than to pretend you are (oooh how cool are you? I bet you're a big hit in the tree fort!) and harass a bunch of people on the internet. I have rarely seem such a ridiculous display of asshattery, and you sir, are beneath contempt.

Now FUCK. OFF.

-- luna... (fuckyo...), February 3rd, 2005 5:43 PM.

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 3 February 2005 07:31 (twenty years ago)

OMG, pwnd! Where's that from!

Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 3 February 2005 09:29 (twenty years ago)

What do you look like in your underwear?
for 1st message, then scroll down for the one above...

mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 3 February 2005 09:33 (twenty years ago)


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